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#1 |
Your All Puppets
Posts: 7,585
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You better not forget bout me corky
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#2 |
Posts: 18,357
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Pardeep 619
In need of a new mouthpiece ever since he ate his last one, the Great Khali hires a new guy named Pardeep to be his voice. Pardeep constantly praises the Great Khali and talks about how he's the most destructive force on the planet. But what people also don't know is that he's also one fearsome cricket player. Thus begins a trend of Pardeep constantly sneaking cricket mallets into the ring, which the Great Khali then uses to knock out his opponents and put them on the injury list. However, one day, plans go awry, and the Great Khali is knocked out by HHH, who knows how to use these types of things. Khali is never seen from again, and Pardeep is fired with him. ![]() Sephiroph During a match, Kane is haunted by a flaming figure on the titantron who claims he knows something Kane doesn't want people to know. For weeks, everyone speculates what else it could be, since Kane has already been revealed to be so many ridiculous things. When it comes time for Sephiroph to debut, he proclaims that Kane is actually his father, and he's here to set him on fire for being a horrible dad and never being there. Every week, Seph interrupts Kane's matches with a torch and tries to light his father on fire, but to no avail. Finally, Vince signs a match to settle this: the first ever Flaming Infernal Hell in a Cell Ladder match, wherein the first person to climb out of the cell, go up a ladder, light his opponent on fire, then throw the person off the cage wins. After a brutal 56 minute battle, Sephiroph lights Kane on fire and tosses him off the cage. Kane crashes through the ramp and apparently back to hell! Sephiroph becomes the new Kane, effectively, and enjoys 15 years of near-main eventing, including a record 45 second title reign at Wrestlemania when... Mike the Metal Ed Mike the Metal Ed cashes in the money in the bank that he JUST won an hour before to pin an absolutely exhausted Sephiroph, who had just finished a 90 minute Hell in a Cell Ironman match and captured the title for the first time in his career. Mike goes on to hold the title for three months before it is discovered that he regularly indulges on pot. Vince, wanting to keep the company clean, promptly buries Mike until he goes to TNA and leads them to the top of the fed wars for 36 weeks. Five years later, Mike returns to the WWE (after it has bought out TNA) and remains a main event jobber for the rest of his tenure. Mr. JL On ECW, a new wrestler crashes a match one day and executes an incredible 450 star frog splash (450 + frog splash). Calling himself MJL, the "New F'n Show," he quickly gains a cult following with his innovative offensive maneuvers. However, the powers that be refuse to push him because he hasn't paid the dues, and he languishes in the mid card for four years before finally getting a main event push that ends harshly when he is buried by HHH. Disenchanted, he starts popping prescription pills and working stiffly, knowing that the company can't let him go because he'd be a great asset to another fed. This is eventually adopted into his gimmick, and JPL (P for prozac) quickly becomes a hated heel who doesn't care about anyone or anything. Gradually, JPL morphs into a real jerk backstage, which endears him to Vince. This allows him to receive a real main event push and capture the WWE title, which he holds for 12 months. Unfortunately, years of drug use take their toll on his body, and he is forced to retire shortly thereafter. Mr. JL retains work as a WWE agent afterwards. Lara Emily For weeks, promo about the ultimate female wrestler are broadcast on WWE. Finally, Lara Emily makes her debut in the women's division, plowing through everyone in her way with an incredible array of suplexes and submission moves. Lara quickly captures the women's title and goes on a 2 year reign. Ultimately, she decides to move on and start competing with men. This might have gone well, had backstage politics not interfered and forced her to become a glorified midcard jobber. After several months, Lara moves back to the women's division, but lack of a challenge eventually bore her, and she leaves the WWE to pursue a career as a stuntwoman. Nervous Ferret One day, Eugene is met by a strangely familiar character who reveals that he is his longlost twin brother, Wils'n. Wils'n and Eugene quickly become best friends, frustrating their opponents with their incredible mat wrestling while at the same time acting extremely retardedly. The two establish a nice tag title run before dropping into relative obscurity for a couple of years. Fortunately, John Cena takes a liking to Wils'n and adopts him into his new Prototypical Rap Kew, made up of Kevin Federline, Ric Flair, and a surprisingly returning Jake the Snake Roberts. Together, the five become a top stable for the better part of a year, before Wils'n quits the WWE due to personal issues. ![]() apokalypse7 One day, a new wrestler named Apokalypse faces HHH in a match. HHH pins him after a Pedigree turns into a tiger driver. Vastardikai In a surprising move to many, Paul Heyman returns to the WWE, and he brings with him a new wrestler: Vat Vastard, who is a disgustingly huge and powerful hoss in the vein of Bastion Booger, only he constantly eats and throws Cheetos at his opponents. However, he is able to do a moonsault, and Vince promptly pushes him to the moon. After mowing through people like Chris Benoit, Bobby Lashley, Umaga, and Mr. Kennedy, Vat Vastard faces off against John Cena for the title. Somehow, he gets the win when the referee accidentally makes a threecount before Cena can kick out (Cena being overwhelmed by the weight behind Vastard's pin). Realizing that, out of kayfabe, Vince doesn't want him to be champ, Vastard evades all methods of getting him to drop the title. Somehow, he lasts seven months without defending the title! However, ultimately, he is screwed when, before a match, Vince has Vastard drugged. He passes out midmatch and is counted out, but because the stipulation is that a title can change on a countout, John Cena becomes 18 time WWE champion. |
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#3 |
Robo Speedly Force
Posts: 2,003
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Birthday. Bacon?
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#4 |
Posts: 18,357
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Xero Limit 126
Mercury Bullet The One BigDaddyCool One RAW, the WWE camera pans to four guys sitting ringside; Da Xero Guy, Not Joey Mercury Bullet, The One, and BDC. These guys are revealed to be crazy fighters from MMA, and their friendship has brought them over to the WWE to test new waters. During a HHH/HBK vs Outsiders match (they've been brought back for ratings), these guys jump the fence and lay a beatdown on all the people in the ring. Except for Kevin Nash, who simply walks away because he's too cool for this. They reveal themselves as the Smarks' Kliq, or SKliq, for short. The next week, in a HHH/HBK vs John Cena/Great Khali match, SKliq hit the ring again and start to beat down the original Kliq. However, just as it seems they're going to help Cena and Khali get the win, BDC suddenly takes a giant wrench and busts Cena up with it! Then Xero does an IP check on Khali, who freezes up and collapses. SKliq places HHH and HBK on top of their opponents for the win! It turns out it was a big swerve the whole time! SKliq and the original Kliq unite to form a terrifying faction that rules all of the WWE with an iron fist. They bully random ECW'ers and constantly make fun of Bret Hart, calling him a 'gay genie' and 'bitchass whineypoo.' Seven months later, Bret Hart makes a surprise comeback, shocking everyone. He says his final goodbye to his fans when Kliq and SKliq hit the ring and taunt him. They goad him into a fight, then jump him and totally beat him down to huge heel. However, this brings down a HHH lookalike to the ring! James Steele It's James Steele, originator of HEEL HEAT, and he's furious that someone else would use it! He comes face to face with HHH, who looks extremely confused. The two men duke it out while mass chaos breaks out elsewhere, but when Steele gets the upper hand and tries to pin HHH, the universe implodes due to the established physical and metaphysical impossibility of a Levesque-esque laying down in any way, shape, or form... even if it's to "himself." |
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#5 |
Posts: 18,357
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Skippord
Melina and Mickie James are having and argument, and Mickie proclaims that Melina is the most annoying person on the planet. Melina disagrees and says she can prove that she isn't. Mickie wagers on it, and the next week, Melina brings in her "long lost brother," Skippie. Skippie is a simple fella with a penchant for irritating the fuck out of people He promptly asks Mickie James if he can suck on her boobies, but when Mickie refuses, he follows her around and keeps on asking. Eventually, Kenny Dykstra catches hold of this and gets pissed off. It is revealed that Kenny and Mickie "have been in a relationship" for a long time, and Kenny goes out to protect his woman. Skippie, however, turns out to be an expert in dirty wrestling, and constantly outwits Kenny by low blowing him when the ref is turned around, or rolling him up and using the ropes, and even pantsing him in one match before rolling him up for a cheap pin. It all comes to a head when Kenny challenges Skippie to beat him without cheating. If Skippie cheats, he is fired, and they will use instant replay to make sure. Unfortunately for Kenny, Skippie pays off the replay booth guys, and the ref never is able to see conclusive proof that Skippie pulled a metal rod from his pants and shoved it into Kenny's mouth--mandible claw style--before taking him down for a pinfall. Skippie's win in the feud looks to be good, until he is mysteriously written off WWE programming for no explained reason. TL XL A new tag team debuts featuring two really buff guys who come to the ring hauling bit flatbed trucks and constantly talking about how strong they are. Nicknamed XLT, they are composed of TL and XL, two friends who are really buff and use power moves all the time. They plow through every tag team placed in front of them and capture the tag titles within a month. They go on to hold the titles for 12 months, defending it four times. They are finally stripped of the title when all other tag teams become afraid of facing them. Realizing that the tag bodybuilder gimmick has died, Vince repackages the two into a chippendale gimmick and have the perform sensuous dances in the ring. Now called LXT, they go on to plow through the competition and win the title in five weeks, holding it for 15 months while defending against three other teams repeatedly in a cycle until Vince gets bored and has them drop it to a couple of Mexicans. LXT are then released three weeks later and wished the best of luck in their future endeavors. Crossrine One day, a man in a suit comes to the ring proclaiming that internet reporters must die, because they lie. He rants and rants about how they suck and are sensationalists. Suddenly, Shawn Michaels comes out and superkicks him. The man then rolls out of the ring and is never seen on WWE programming again. Instant Classic For months, a man identified only as "IC" speaks of his captive master, who is being unfairly held in Gitmo because of unfair reasons. He says that when his master escapes, he will DESTORy the competition. IC often interrupts other people's matches with his quickly annoying robotic theme of DESTOR!! DESTOR!!! YOUR BASE ARE DESTOR!!! This catches on in the IWC and quickly goes viral, with no less than 283 YTMND's made for this Destor fellow. Unfortunately, a threatened lawsuit from the offended Jailed Terrorists Coalition shuts the angle down before it can go anywhere, and IC is moved into SmackDOWN!'s cruiserweight division, where he is used to help put over the CW flavor of the month. St. Jimmy When Kevin Thorn is reconverted back to Mordecai, he brings with him a new disciple who also proclaims that the world is unholy. His name is St. Jimmy, and he deviously does Mordecai's evil biddings, hitting unsuspecting faces with his scepter and choking them on his crucifix necklace. St. Jimmy quickly develops a reputation as a ruthless and efficient fighter for holiness, and fans despise him. He and Mordecai target the sinners of the WWE, such as Ric Flair (for still wrestling) and Randy Orton (for shitting on things). They also target the divas for being hussies, and slowly "cleanse" ( ![]() ![]() With their new army of Catholic school girls, Mordecai and St. Jimmy rack up win after win because their opponents are too busy fantasizing about what to do with those schoolgirls. Their streak is finally broken when they drop their tag titles to a returning Billy and Chuck, who are immune to such subverse desires. Vietnamese Crippler During a match, the arena suddenly goes yellow, and steaming pho soup starts to rain down onto the wrestlers below, scalding them severely. A few weeks later, an asian guy built like Chris Benoit makes his mysterious debut and promply breaks a jobber's neck by hitting him with a really stale spring roll. Christianed Vietnamese Crippler, this new technical machine goes on a submission spree, making everyone tap out by constantly shoving their heads in fish sauce and poking them with lemongrass. Occassionally, he takes an ox tail and cracks it onto their necks, destroying various vertebrae. VC becomes a one man wrecking machine, capturing the IC title within half a year. Other wrestlers start to fear him, because he is always bringing Vietnamese food around, and the wrestlers either get really hungry because it's delicious, or really disgusted because some of the food smells. Unfortunately, due to his lack of charisma, VC is never really pushed to the main event, and he spends the remainder of his career putting over midcarders. Arnold HamNegger During a match between Kane and Viscera, Vis sells a big boot especially well even though it was obvious his head didn't come anywhere close to Kane's foot. Suddenly, a fan jumps into the ring and demands that these two fakes get out of the ring, and real wrestlers come out. He says they're making a mockery of wrestling, and to leave, because it's still real to him dammit!! Calling himself Arnold, he starts to follow bad wrestlers and tell them to get the hell out, because they're ruining the illusion with their bad wrestling. This eventually gets him into a feud with John Cena, where he embarrasses the champ by locking in a better STF despite having no formal wrestling training. This causes Cena to snap and go heel by FUing Arnold through a forklift. Arnold's last words as he's taken to the hospital are: "Thank you. Now THAT was real, dammit!" |
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#6 | |
Terminator Daddy!
Posts: 2,428
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Quote:
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#7 | |
Boss
Posts: 17,611
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Quote:
![]() Sounds about right... Good work Corky. |
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#8 |
Posts: 18,357
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Paranoid Rattlesnake
Russenmafia A new character, PR spends weeks promising he will be able to predict everything that happens, including his success. When he finally debuts, he plows through a jobber named Russenmafia who wrestles the circuits a lot but has rarely been featured on screen. Excitement builds for PR's push, but he suddenly drops the ball and is unable do his predicting. Later on, a tipster clues Vince into the fact that he's got some personal demonsnakes, marking not the first time Tipsters has doomed PR's rep. |
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#9 |
TPWW's Glass Ceiling
Posts: 5,793
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HAPPY MOTHERFU**ING BIRTHDAY.
New Jack Style. Your Pal, KayfabeMan ![]() |
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#10 |
TPWW's Glass Ceiling
Posts: 5,793
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Seriously though, Happy Birthday.
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#11 |
Feeling Oof-y
Posts: 17,151
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Hmm, still waiting on my booking.
Did Corky have a little too much to drink during his Birthday celebrations? ![]() |
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#12 |
XBL TAG : Mootkinstein
Posts: 3,342
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Happy bday corky
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#13 |
RIP SABU
Posts: 35,541
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Happy belated, bday, now book me, and do it proper too, biyatch!...
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#14 |
Yasser "wheredat" Arabat
Posts: 3,381
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Considering half of us havent gotten our bookings, I'm afraid Corky tricked us for positive reps. But Corky wouldn't do that right???
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#15 | |
EATER OF HOT POCKETS
Posts: 14,340
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And half? More like 4/5ths. |
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#16 |
Posts: 18,357
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sorry for being behind on this, but I'm definitely gonna get to everyone. Just wanted to let y'all know before you start like neg repping me.
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#17 |
As over as Crystal Pepsi
Posts: 21,639
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Pfft. I don't care of Corky does a storyline for me. I just wanted to wish the dude a happy b-day. Now if he does get around to doing that for everyone, cool. If he gets around to doing it for everyone but me, that's just as cool.
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#18 |
Posts: 18,357
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(was basically super busy yesterday; plus I had to like... plan my last-minute trip to Italy
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#19 | ||||||||||||||||||||
TPWW's HHH Mark Since '04
Posts: 29,886
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#20 |
Posts: 1,907
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Happy belated birthday
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#21 |
The Caption Crippler
Posts: 8,855
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Hope you had a good day champ!
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#22 | |
EATER OF HOT POCKETS
Posts: 14,340
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#23 |
Polyam cult member #420
Posts: 2,966
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happy belated birthday
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#24 |
As over as Crystal Pepsi
Posts: 21,639
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If Vince could do it.....
To come to think of it am I the only one who is shoked that Linda never held the women's title? |
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#25 |
Yasser "wheredat" Arabat
Posts: 3,381
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I thought she would at least once. But that's probably saved for when he forgets her birthday or anniversary.
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#26 | |
EATER OF HOT POCKETS
Posts: 14,340
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Quote:
Vince: Happy Anniversary! *hands her the women's title* Linda: Oh Vince, that is so sweet... but wait, what did you do with Melina? *Melina falls out of the closet, bound, gagged, and struggling like mad* Linda: Oh well, at least she isn't screaming. |
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#27 |
Posts: 18,357
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Volare
During a London/Kendrick match against some tag team, a stranger runs up, climbs onto the top rope, and executes a picture perfect 630 on their opponents. He then runs out of the ring as security gives chase. The commentators wonder who "that guy" was but think nothing of it. The following week, during another London/Kendrick match, "that guy" runs in and repeats his actions. Apparently, this fan is a pretty good acrobat. Later on, he shows up in Kendrick and London's lockerroom confessing himself to be a huge fan, and he wants to tag along. L/K aren't too keen to it, but over the next few weeks, the fan's enthusiasm allows him begrudging "hanging out" status. However, he's always known as "that guy" who just does every L/K want. Ultimately, he helps L/K win the tag titles when he executes two consecutive 630s on Deuce and Domino. "That Guy" becomes the mouthpiece of the team by bragging about how he always helps them, and eventuall, London and Kendrick get annoyed and beat him down, turning heel. "That guy" is then slowly phased out of the tag scene and turned into a jobber for life. This, however, results in the firing of Funaki, much to smarks' chagrin. KingOfOldSchool One day, Kennedy is spouting off his catch phrase when a stranger appears on stage with a guitar. Just as Kennedy is about to repeat his name, the stranger hits a super hard riff that blows the ears off everyone in the arena. Kennedy is disgusted. The man introduces himself as the King of Old School, and hardcore rocker who gives the fans what they really want: permanent hearing loss so they don't have to listen to an "overrated" Kennedy. Fans at home boo this new guy, while those in the arena look on confused because they can't hear anymore. The feud progresses as KoOS often interferes in Kennedy's matches, blasting his guitar riffs at inopportune moments and distracting KK enough to be rolled up and such. The ref is unable to DQ KoOS because he didn't physically get involved. This leads to a three month feud that culminates in a guitar on a pole match. KoOS is initially booked to win the match, until a lawsuit filed on behalf of all the people who've gone deaf over the past three months is given to Vince, who has no choice but to job KoOS to Kennedy. Afterwards, KoOS is sent back to OVW, where he is repackanged and reintroduced to the WWE a year later as King Old School, a total ripoff of King Booker, only with more hip hop. Impact! Vince revives the hardcore division and decides to hire the only guy crazy enough to make this works, a cult indy wrestler named IMPACT who is sort of like Mick Foley, only less fat. IMPACT quickly gains a following by doing all sorts of crazy shit, from cracking his head on light bulbs to throwing barracudas at his opponents. His signature move is hitting opponents with a large piece of plywood and then measuring the crispness of the sound to see which time made the best impact. Ultimately, he embarks on a 15 month hardcore title reign that sees him doing crazy bumps every single week and winning. Unfortunately, due to the toll of the violence, IMPACT is forced to retire after those same 15 months. He leaves behind a legacy of being the craziest sonofabitch to ever use plywood in a wrestling match. Darth Tedious (This assumes you're black, which I think you said you are a few months ago. If you're not, or if you're offended... sorry.) For weeks, promos air boasting about a figure who controls the Dark Side. A great Lord who uses his powers to unleash great power. Turns out Darth Tedious is a black mob boss with a light saber heavy enough to be used as a weapon, and he has legions of gangsters who jump his opponents before his matches, allowing him to pin them easily with his finisher, the PUNisher, wherein he tells a clever joke, makes his bloody opponents laugh, which expends their last amount of energy, and they collapse, allowing him to win by knockout. Gradually, Darth Tedious gathers Dark Side disciples, who all coincidentally happen to be Bobby Lashley, Booker T, a returning Ron Simmons, and Elijah Burke. They reign terror on the WWE, capturing every single title. Tedious acts as a manager type, revelling in his accumulation of glory. Eventually, however, the WWE is sued by Kayfabe man for stealing his all-black stable idea, and Vince is forced to disband the stable. Tedious spends the rest of his career managing semi-successful upper midcarders, but he never loses his reputation as a great joker backstage. Chuck Jones One day, Vince McMahon decides it'd be great if he had a Chuck Norris character as a wrestler. He goes out in search of the first person named Chuck he can find, and it happens to be his waiter at a local restaurant. Thus, Chuck Jones, a no-selling killing machine mixed with Nathan Jones' penchant for dancing is born. Chuck goes on a spree of destruction, completely no-selling everything and plowing through all in his path. Afterwards, he does random break dances that are really just him trying to not slip and fall. Jones goes on to capture the US title before deciding that he misses home. Two weeks later, he leaves the WWE for good and settles down to a life of restaurant management. FourFifty On his 25th comeback to the WWE, Goldust brings in a new follower, 450, who is named so because he can creep people out in 450 ways. What follows is random antics with 450 backstage as he awkwardly flirts with the divas, scares Eugene, engages in drinking contests with Sandman, canes goats with Tommy Dreamer's cane, and smokes a lot of weed without getting high. People are quite wary of 450, but he never really does anything that gets him fired, or at least isn't caught doing stuff. Eventually, he becomes a lovable figure used to initiate new rookies by creeping them out. On his 15th anniversary with the company, JBL buys him a bottle of Patron, which he promptly drinks, but doesn't pass out. Completely unnerved, the WWE higher-ups have 450 locked in the Sanford dungeon, let out only at various times to clean cages and team with Goldust when he makes his comebacks. |
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#28 | |
EATER OF HOT POCKETS
Posts: 14,340
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Quote:
Yes I am, no I'm not, and that was the funniest thing I've read in ages... this whole thread is the funniest thing in ages and should go in the archive. ![]() |
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#29 |
One Of A Kind
Posts: 22,178
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Cork, ya haven't done me yet, save the best until last, ofcourse.
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Posts: 18,357
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#31 |
Posts: 1,907
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Jesus Christ.
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#32 |
"Steven, your fossa!"
Posts: 9,603
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Happy Birthday. Better late than never.
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#33 | |
Yasser "wheredat" Arabat
Posts: 3,381
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#34 |
I'm Mr. White Christmas
Posts: 44,526
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lol Corky
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#35 |
TPWW Since '04
Posts: 4,195
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**TACKLE**
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#36 | |
Spammy Certified
Posts: 46,115
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#37 |
Posts: 18,357
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Xerxes
Tired of dominating everything, the Great Khali demands a real challenge. Out comes Xerxes, an eight foot monster with a super deep voice and thousands of Persians at his command. Khali quickly falls victim to the 300 CHOPS. However, this loss clears his mind, and he decides to join Xerxes. The two dominate the tag scene and capture the WWE and World titles, becoming the most dominant two man power trip ever. Backstage politics becomes useless, because the men are so huge that no one can make them do anything. If there's one positive, it's that Vince learns to ease off on his hoss fetish. But that is not before Xerxes and the Great Khali set records with five year world title reigns. Kayfabe Man As per the terms of his lawsuit win, KM gets a spot on the roster. Every week, he comes out and reveals a secret of the trade, frustrating Vince by showing how chair shots can be taken relatively painlessly, how wrestlers communicate with each other, how the 'X' injury signal isn't real anymore, and that sort of thing. Because of his contract, KM cannot be fired. He also retains creative control and books himself to become champion. Finally, at Wrestlemania, he faces off against Hulk Hogan. The Hulkster has been led to believe he will win, and perhaps he would have, but he hurts his back and is unable to nosell or kick out when KM pins him. Kayfabe Man becomes the first person to actually end Hulkamania, because as a result of his back injury, Hulk Hogan is never able to walk again. Extreme Angle One day, a stage hand finds that someone shit in his bag. Randy Orton runs by and screams "HAHA!!! You're not that extreme, angle!!!!" DAMNinator! Damninator enjoys a successful career replacing Ron Simmons and saying DAMN! every week. Eventually, he incorporates puns and jokes involving beavers and hydroelectric power. And DAM it all, it becomes popular. He never wrestles, however, and enjoys a 15 second work week. Eventually, rich from all of his merchandise sales, he retires and becomes a car salesman. And that's all I'm gonna do. Sorry to those who wished me a belated birthday, but I'm leaving for Italy in two days, and I've got other stuff to do. ![]() I'll just rep you guys instead or something. |
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#38 |
TPWW's Glass Ceiling
Posts: 5,793
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#39 |
EATER OF HOT POCKETS
Posts: 14,340
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Hey Corks... just for shits and giggles, do one for Matt Boone.
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#40 |
Posts: 18,357
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Matt Boone
Every week on WWE programming, Matt Boone promises that there will be something shocking and entertaining on the show. |
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