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#2401 |
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Now. Here. Man.
Posts: 8,370
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Vince: Hey Benoit, I've got a great idea for ECW! Why don't you go into a program with Big Daddy V?
Benoit: ....mind if I go home first? Y'know, just hang around for a bit? |
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#2402 |
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As over as Crystal Pepsi
Posts: 21,639
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^
I no longer feel bad about the 9/11 comment I made in the Sandman got fired thread. |
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#2403 |
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Cranky Kong
Posts: 78,671
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That comment wasn't all that offensive. Don't flatter yourself.
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#2404 |
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He's Here
Posts: 60,735
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News Anchor: We have breaking news. An American Airlines plane had to make an emergency landing because wrestling superstar, Nick "Eugene" Dinsmore, defecated in his pants and started throwing it at passengers. He was escorted off the plane and released after he apparently told detectives - and this is a direct quote -
"I was told by Vince McMahon to act retarded, and then he said 'I don't care how you do it, you can throw your shit at other people for all I care'." Vince McMahon reportedly fired Eugene on the spot. |
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#2405 |
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As over as Crystal Pepsi
Posts: 21,639
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Booker: You have summoned me into your office, Vincent?
Vince: Drop the King Booker shtick, okay? Booker: ….Thanks Vince! I hate that King Booker crap! So, what’s up? Vince: Listen, we’re trying to book Hulk Hogan at WrestleMania 24, and there seems to be a problem…. Booker: You need someone to step in the ring with him? It’d be an honor! Vince: No… It seems you said something that offended him, which is making him ask for more money, or your suspension. Booker: WHAT? Vince: Just watch the video….. Booker: ……You’re joking, right? Vince: You called him the N word six times, and that’s a 10 day suspension per use of the word! I will not tolerate that sort of hate in my company! Booker: …..Shhhhit. |
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#2406 |
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Now. Here. Man.
Posts: 8,370
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Vince: Jesus, Paul, what the hell is this you've written here?!
Paul Heyman: It's called a "wrestling show," Vince. |
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#2407 |
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As over as Crystal Pepsi
Posts: 21,639
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With all due Respect to Corky and everyone who has ever submited a post to this thread, I am here by claiming this thread as my own, for I believe I'm the only one who has bumped it in the past few months. Why am I saying this? Because there's a new topic.
MATT BOONE: THE BOOKER And step up your game, because now it's for 1000 points! Last edited by FourFifty; 10-08-2007 at 01:36 AM. |
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#2408 |
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Inno Knows.
Posts: 43,710
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HOLY BUMP BATMAN
HOW JEFF HARDY GOT HIS RECENT PUSH |
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#2409 |
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I'm nauseous
Posts: 1,994
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Jeff: So the clay gets really hot, and since you're not burning it theres no smoke or smell or anything, you just get this vapor, that's why they call it a vaporizer.
Randy Orton: Sweet, I gotta show this to Hunter *In HHH's office* Randy: So yeah, Jeff pushed this on me and it's awesome. There's no smoke or smell, I forget what it's title is though. The only sucky thing is that since you can only use it with pipes you can't do any brainers. HHH: Sweet, I gotta sho this to Vince *In Vince's offive* Vince: Yes son, what is it? HHH: *Forgets why he's there* Uhm...Jeff Hardy...push...awesome...title...no-brainer Vince: Well if you say so. Say, have you seen this neat vaporizer thing Jeff gave me? HHH: Sounds cool, what does it do? Last edited by Inadequacy; 12-11-2007 at 02:27 PM. |
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#2410 |
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I'm nauseous
Posts: 1,994
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that was so much better in my head
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#2411 |
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Is Finkle
Posts: 89,010
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Vince: So from now on, no smoking Weed at our events either!
*Jeff Hardy's locker conveniently bursts open, pouring down bags of weed* Vince: Oh-ho! What's this? Nice job, Jeff! It seems as if young Mr. Hardy here has been taking it on himself to confiscate as much contraband as he could... even before the policy! That's initiative! Jeff Hardy: Uh, what? |
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#2412 |
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He's Here
Posts: 60,735
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Vince: Okay, we've been losing the druggies after RVD got busted with drugs and we need someone to bring back that demographic. Any suggestions?
Writer: Uh... How abou- *Jeff Hardy bursts through the door, looks at the wall, unzips his fly and begins to pee* Vince: .... Jeff: Oh MAN did I have to go.................... These urinals look funky as hell... *Jeff looks back around* Jeff: .....this isn't the men's room... Vince: ....I think we have our next token druggie! |
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#2413 |
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As over as Crystal Pepsi
Posts: 21,639
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*Vince is at home, playing with his granddaghter*
Vince: Who's going to be the women's champ in a few years? You are! On yes you are! Oggoggoogo you are! *Suddenly a masked man with a gun in one hand and a bomb strapped to his chest rushes in the room. He points the gun at the little girl* Vince: Holy Crap! Please don't kill her! I'll do anything! Just put the gun away and I leave I promise I'll do anything! Man: PUSH JEFF HARDY TO THE MAIN EVENT, RIGHT FUCKIN' NOW!!!! Vince: Done! Now please, leave! I beg of you! *The masked man leaves, and pulls out a cell phone...* Man: Hey 'Noid, it's me, Shadow. First you make sure Val Venis never fired and now Jeff Hardy is going to the main event! It worked! I didn't believe you at first! Someone has to call FourFifty so he can do this to get Vince to resign Goldust! Yea, the fake bomb was a nice touch.... Yours wasn't fake? |
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#2414 |
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ELF ANGEL
Posts: 39,476
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*Vince Enters Lockroom* Vince: Jeff what are you doing? *Jeff Turns Toward Vince* Jeff Hardy: Nothing Vince: Why are you in here alone, your match for the world title is about to start. Jeff Hardy: Ill be out in a minute Vince: Well Hurry up, and leave RVD's Locker alone, we haven't had a chance to clean it since he got fired. Jeff Hardy: No Shit Yeah, Im almost ready. *Vince Leaves and Jeff Hardy Turns to RVD's Locker* Jeff Hardy: What the fuck was that combination, left 4, right 20.... FUCK THERE IS MY MUSIC AGAIN! |
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#2415 |
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Posts: 18,357
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how's that explain how Jeff got his push?
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#2416 |
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Future #1 Bro-ski o.t.w.
Posts: 447
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*Jeff is on his bike which he hasn't rode in 20 years.*
Jeff: Matt, I need a push!
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#2417 |
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As over as Crystal Pepsi
Posts: 21,639
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#2418 |
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FIT Challenge Slag People
Posts: 13,816
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MATT: Hey, Jeff, I have a couple of questions before we go out there tonight.
JEFF: Shoot. MATT: Okay, first off, didn't you used to wear green bodypaint instead of this weird milky white stuff? JEFF: ...yeah... MATT: And why do you have to go into Vince's office before each match to get it applied? JEFF: ... MATT: And why do you always take in a DVD copy of The Best Of The Great Khali? JEFF: ...and who are YOU fighting at Armageddon? MATT: ...can I borrow your Blockbuster card? |
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#2419 |
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As over as Crystal Pepsi
Posts: 21,639
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*The week before Raw XV*
Vince: God damn it! I'm sick of hearing about all this Chris Benoit stuff! I need to get this off my mind!... Hey you, what should we put on the Raw XV show? MVP: A tribute to all the wrestlers who have died in the past 15 years. Eddie, Owen, Freddie Blassie, Crush, Big Bossman, Chris Benoit.... Vince:...you are so jobbing to Rey at the next PPV!... You! What should we put on Raw XV? Kane: A tribute to submissions moves. We've seen some great ones. Ken Shamrock's Ankle Lock, Bret Hart's Sharp Shooter, Chris Jericho's Walls of Jericho, Chris Benoit's Crippler Crossface.... Vince: YOU'RE FIRED!!! Kane: STFU!!! Vince: Well, since you think John Cena should be put on that, you're not fired... Kane: yea....Vince: You! Is there any superstar you'd like to see? Jeff Hardy: ...Who? Vince: Ah, The Anvil! Good thinking kid! Jeff Hardy: ......I am so wasted... Vince: Well I don't want any of my prized fellow Benoit Denying wrestlers to feel like that. You get a match with HHH!!!! Sean O'Haire: Doesn't he already have a match with him? Vince: BACK IN YOUR CAGE!!!! |
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#2420 |
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Posts: 61,634
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Vince: Damn, that Matt Hardy is still over. Why do the fans like him so much? I wish there was some way to get rid of him. Did Pat Patterson manage to convince Matt Hardy he was a woman, get him to sleep with him and then cheat on him with Sylvan? Because that would give me grounds to fire him.
Gerald Briscoe: No, sir, I'm sorry, Matt didn't fall for Patterson's disguise. And we fired Sylvan. Vince: I don't know why it didn't work. Patterson is no saggier than Lita in some areas. Damn it, if I can't fire him, I need him to get some kind of injury, or some form of illness. A lethal dose of poiiiiiiiisonn... Jeff: ![]() *Back in Cameron, North Carolina, Matt Hardy sits at the dinner table, as Jeff Hardy (in chef apron and hat) removes an oozing puffer fish from the microwave* Jeff: No, honestly, Matt, I've been taking chiri preparation courses. Try some. Matt: I'm not sure, Jeff. Inproper consumption of the Tetraodontidae can cause poisoning. Jeff: Come on, dude, try some. Shannon Moore did. Matt: So it'll make my penis drop off? *Matt and Jeff laugh* Jeff: Won't that be good considering your luck with the ladies? Matt: ![]() ...By the way, where is Shannon? *Cut to crow landing on a grave marked ' Jeff: I promise it's fine, dude. Matt: Alright, I'll try some. For you, brother... *Matt eats Jeff's food* Matt: Ow...my appendix. ![]() Jeff: ![]() *Back in Stanford* Vince: Congratulations, Jeff, we've decided to push you. *Jeff, still in cooking gear, throws chef's hat into the air.* *Three weeks later* Steph: Jeff, we've decided that you need to cut your hair. You seen, my husband has long hair, and we don't want people to get confused. Jeff: But I've had this hair for years, it's rainbow-coloured, and I've just had a feud with Triple H, which pretty clearly distinguishes me from him. Steph: Don't throw away the job of a lifetime, you Indian cunt! ![]() Jeff: ![]() *Jeff consumes puffer fish in an attempt to get out of performing...he begins to trip out* Jeff: Dude, why didn't I think of this before... Last edited by Mr. Nerfect; 12-15-2007 at 08:57 PM. |
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#2421 |
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emerge
Posts: 16,710
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Jeff:....
Hunter: oh yeah... |
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#2422 |
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emerge
Posts: 16,710
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(you see, He's giving triple h head)
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#2423 |
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Inno Knows.
Posts: 43,710
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BUMPITY BUMP
THE MEETING BETWEEN VINCE AND JEFF ON MONDAY BEFORE JEFF GETS SUSPENDED |
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#2424 |
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He's Here
Posts: 60,735
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Vince: You have to understand that what you're doing and what you've done is extremely unprofessional. I've given you chance after chance after chance and all you do is shit all over me.
Jeff: ![]() Vince: You seem to think you don't have a problem. Well, I, as well as the rest of the talent believe that you've done more to hurt yourself than anything else. Jeff: ![]() Vince: Jeff, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to give you an ultimatum: Either go into rehab or you're fired. Jeff: ![]() Vince: JEFF! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME!? Jeff: Huh? Of... Of course I am, giant banana dude... Vince: GET OUT OF MY OFFICE! |
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#2425 |
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Bringin' Back The Sexy
Posts: 8,470
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Vince: Jeff, I have the results of your recent drug test.
Jeff: Cool, hit me. Vince: Well, it appears as though they’ve found coke, smack and meth. Jeff: Cool, can I have some of that then. Vince: No. You don’t seem to understand. You know those urine tests we give you, well we use those to determine if you’ve been abusing any substances. Jeff: Dude, so you’re telling me that whatever I take comes out in my pee? Vince: Well, yeah. Jeff: Cool. Vince: Look Jeff. We’ve built an entire marketing campaign around your push and I don’t want to see my investment go down the toilet. Jeff: Is that my pee in that jar over there? Vince: Goddamit Jeff listen to me. We can cover this up and not leak it out. Jeff: This jar? Vince: Jeff, will you forget about that piss for just a minute. Look. We can do what we did with Orton and…Wait, Jeff, what are you doing…no leave that jar alone…Don’t unscrew the lid…eeeeyewwww. Gross Jeff. Jeff: Cheers! |
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#2426 | |
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Is Finkle
Posts: 89,010
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Quote:
*Vince walks by Hardy's locker, which again conveniently bursts open, pouring down bags of weed* Vince: WHAT'S THIS?! JEFF, You're SUUUUUUUSSSSSPENNNNNDED! Jeff Hardy: No, dude, don't you remember, you said- Vince: Dammit Jeff, you know full well I can't remember that far back! |
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#2427 |
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R.I.P Tanner
Posts: 8,219
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Vince: Jeff, it seems as of recently you've been out popping my son
Jeff: Shane Vince: Who the fucks that? I meant Hunter...Anyway you're suspended |
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#2428 |
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As over as Crystal Pepsi
Posts: 21,639
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Vince: As you know Jeff, we've recently signed a multi-year deal with the Make-A-Wish foundation, and one sick little boy has a very special wish that involves you.
Jeff: Anything for the fans Vince. I'll do it. Vince: Okay, You'e suspended. Jeff: What the fuck!?!?!?! Bizarro Shadow:
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#2429 |
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Diabetes Coming To Getcha
Posts: 6,826
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Vince: You will win the world title at Wrestlemania over Triple H.
Jeff: ![]() Stephanie walks in. Stephanie: ![]() Jeff: ![]() Stephanie: ![]() Jeff: ![]() Vince: ![]() ![]()
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#2430 |
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Bringin' Back The Sexy
Posts: 8,470
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#2431 | |
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Shadow Conspircy leader
Posts: 18,582
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Quote:
HOW I LOATH HIM! I SHALL DESTORY HIM AND ALL HE STANDS FOR! |
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#2432 |
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As over as Crystal Pepsi
Posts: 21,639
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But the question I'd like to know is does Bizarro Shadow eat babies?
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#2433 |
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Posts: 61,634
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I'm going to do this in the form of that classic poster that was either a genius...or retarded. Let's hope I succeed:
Vince: Jeff, you're suspended. Jeff: Oh...please don't do that, Vince. Vince: I'm sorry Jeff, you failed the drug test. Jeff:
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#2434 |
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Posts: 61,634
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Ah well, at least Jeff has a home to go back to.
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#2435 |
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As over as Crystal Pepsi
Posts: 21,639
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Hey, look over there! It's a new subject!
FAILED WRESTLING BIOGRAPHIES |
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#2436 |
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R.I.P Tanner
Posts: 8,219
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Festus: ...
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#2437 |
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Taller than Adam Cole
Posts: 10,876
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Jeff Hardy: Living Sober.
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#2438 |
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He's Here
Posts: 60,735
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Screwed - The Stephanie McMahon Story
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#2439 |
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Bringin' Back The Sexy
Posts: 8,470
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#2440 |
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Diabetes Coming To Getcha
Posts: 6,826
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If They Only Knew - Chyna.
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