Lets play "Who wrote this?"

**Volare** · 05-08-2009, 06:22 PM

I had to pull this off of the main page...it was too damn funny to miss out and see what everyone had to guess.

20 Rules For The WWE Diva Afterlife Written By Pissed Off Star?

I can’t confirm the validity of the following piece, but was it was apparently written from the perspective of an anonymous former WWE Diva giving her tongue-in-cheek take on the afterlife of a WWE Diva, largely taking aim at her peers and the numerous fans that attend wrestling conventions (which almost always have a slew of former WWE Divas on hand).

The piece has been forwarded around to numerous wrestling sites, including this one. An interesting read to say the least:

20 Official Rules For WWE Diva Afterlife

Written by a former WWE Diva

1. Don’t worry, it will grow back fine… just cut it down and stop bleaching it dummy. Now your natural color will be seen as a “new look” and you will experience refreshed marketability. Take some brand new all natural 8�10’s at Wal-Mart and work it girl!

2. Remember you can always bleach your hair again back to the “classic look” to boost your self esteem for a week. If you ever get cancer from the dye, just ask Dawn Marie to sell her unwashed panties through Wrestlers Rescue to help pay for the medical bills.

3. If your just coming off TV, then your used to the schedule. Always starve yourself before every appearance and pig out at your favorite fast food restaurant afterwards. Nothing new. Eating disorders and binging cycles are totally normal and healthy. It’s a Diva’s way of life, 4-life.

4. If you haven’t done so already, you need to go fuck either Scott Levy, Batista or Ric Flair before he dies. Do a few lines of coke with them too. It makes for a great tell all shoot and high self worth.

5. The wrestling convention circuit is 10�200. The same 10 money marks will book you and the same 200 losers will show up each time. Milk ‘em for all they are worth cause it’s all you got left. Virgil will be at every show so you might as well get to know him too. And yes, he is a real creep.

6. Appearing at 3 Flea Markets per week is officially known as “doing a tour”. Congrats on the success!

7. Letting men touch your breasts for an extra $5 during photo-ops is an excellent business strategy.

8. If the photo-op printer ever stalls and delays, just give them an index card with your own lip prints on it. It will make their day that you were soooo selfless, giving and thoughtful of their patience.

9. It’s perfectly normal to refer to other human beings as “fans”, “clients” and “followers” but to their face- always call them “friend”.

10. Always smile and play nice with the co-workers you haven’t seen in 5 years. These are your “best friends in the whole world”….somehow? That’s how the wrestling family illusion rolls on.

11. Treat the disabled extra nice. Them pockets are deep with Social Security money and they spend like mad at the gimmick table.

12. You will never draw like Trish Stratus, you will never look like Trish Stratus and you will flat out never be Trish Stratus… but don’t ever stop trying hun’.

13. But yes, I know you are still a big star… right in your head.

14. Even if you got fired, always say that you left “on your own terms” or because of an “undisclosed dispute”. This will always make you appear above the business.

15. Always say that a WWE return is “right around the corner” and “never say never” when you know damn well they wouldn’t take you back if you begged.

16. When the going get’s tough, selling your used tampons on eBay is a great way to make some additional cash.

17. I know the crows feet and wrinkles are building up. It’s ok, no one is going to seriously book your used up, worn out ass after age 45 anyway. It’s now time to assume the Moolah role.

18. There’s nothing wrong with forever living in the past. Tammy Sytch still lives in 1996, and look there’s nothing wrong with her.

19. Why have any normal relationships? You can have every lonely pervert from Philadelphia to Oakland lusting after you. Being emotionally unstable is F U N!

20. Remember that Jesus forgives you for all of your sins, so everything listed above is A-OK. Just rinse and repeat.

In closing: Yes this is one sad life but hey it’s all you know…. so do it like a professional!

So yeah, who in the hell wrote this?

I really have no idea...cause I just don't know could've been around WWE the same time as Bats, Flair or Levy...and knows the rumors about Dawn or Tammy therefore calling them out in this.

**Juan** · 05-08-2009, 06:38 PM

Lita

**Sovereigntywillpr** · 05-08-2009, 06:50 PM

"All the things she said running threw my head running threw my head"

Victoria who left suddenly with no goodbye maybe? she never bleached her hair(as far as I know) In less she had to bleach it first to get it to that shade of red.

"always say that you left “on your own terms”.....affter a random smackdown out of the blue during cutback season...

**Exyle** · 05-08-2009, 06:53 PM

Torrie Wilson? Maybe. I dunno.

**Nicky Fives** · 05-08-2009, 06:54 PM

12. You will never draw like Trish Stratus, you will never look like Trish Stratus and you will flat out never be Trish Stratus… but don’t ever stop trying hun’.

that gave it away to me..... Terri Runnells...... but thats just IMO.... I can remember her saying "hun" alot

**Rob** · 05-08-2009, 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nick55555

12. You will never draw like Trish Stratus, you will never look like Trish Stratus and you will flat out never be Trish Stratus� but don�t ever stop trying hun�.

that gave it away to me..... Terri Runnells...... but thats just IMO.... I can remember her saying "hun" alot

You think maybe it's actually Trish?

**parkmania** · 05-08-2009, 07:45 PM

Rico

or Orton. We all know how much Orton loves shitting ~~on the divas~~ in their bags.

Edit: Thanks 450!

**Theo Dious** · 05-08-2009, 07:51 PM

I'm really thinking Terri on this. Possibly Debra too.

**Destor** · 05-08-2009, 07:55 PM

Dunno, the Virgil comment makes me not buy this.

**Theo Dious** · 05-08-2009, 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Destor

Dunno, the Virgil comment makes me not buy this.

You mean about him being a creep? Like an embittered piece of former eye candy can be trusted to have a clear opinion of something like that?

**parkmania** · 05-08-2009, 08:07 PM

Based on my interactions with him, I would have to say that the Virgil comment is pretty dead-on.

**Nicky Fives** · 05-08-2009, 08:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tedious

I'm really thinking Terri on this. Possibly Debra too.

Exactly.... either Terri or Debra

**Destor** · 05-08-2009, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tedious

You mean about him being a creep? Like an embittered piece of former eye candy can be trusted to have a clear opinion of something like that?

Based on his existance in that thing. Sees like somethign that we Internet marks woulds think is funny and was only included because we would understand that jab.

Same goes for several others bits in there.

I cal bullshit on this.

**McLegend** · 05-08-2009, 08:14 PM

Whoever it is most certainly rips Dawn Marie a new one.

**Theo Dious** · 05-08-2009, 09:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Destor

Based on his existance in that thing. Sees like somethign that we Internet marks woulds think is funny and was only included because we would understand that jab.

Not a bad point at all.

**Triple Naitch** · 05-08-2009, 09:54 PM

Either Terri or Lita.

**Lock Jaw** · 05-08-2009, 10:37 PM

Shannon Moore

**FourFifty** · 05-09-2009, 12:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by parkmania

Rico

or Orton. We all know how much Orton loves shitting ~~on the divas~~ in their bags.

Edit: What the f am I doing wrong to not get strikethru to work...

Different code. (strike) ~~only use the pointy thingies like this~~ (/strike)

**Mr. Nerfect** · 05-09-2009, 02:22 AM

I don't know why, but I thought of Molly Holly.

**#1-norm-fan** · 05-09-2009, 02:44 AM

I don't think Molly would use that kind of language.

**Mr. Nerfect** · 05-09-2009, 02:46 AM

I'm too lazy to go back and check, but I only saw the word "fuck" used once, from memory.

**Gerard** · 05-09-2009, 11:34 AM

Id say sable.

XL · 05-09-2009, 12:46 PM

My first thought was Victoria.

Could be anyone really. I mean, they don't need to have dyed their hair, or had their head shaved, or been in the WWE at the same time as Flair/Levy/Batista, or been witness to any of the stuff mention in the article.

A lot of it is common knowledge...brought to us by former Divas doing shoot interviews.

**DAMN iNATOR** · 05-09-2009, 01:49 PM

First thought/theory of mine is that it is Victoria talking to like Molly Holly or something, based on #1, since they had a hair vs. hair match for the Women's Championship @ WM 20 which MH lost...dunno though for certain.

**Theo Dious** · 05-09-2009, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Noid

I don't know why, but I thought of Molly Holly.

I really think Molly is too smart and has too much respect for the business, also she's never been shown to be anything like this bitter.

**#1-norm-fan** · 05-09-2009, 02:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Noid

I'm too lazy to go back and check, but I only saw the word "fuck" used once, from memory.

Well it wasn't just single words that I was basing it on. And besides, even that one "fuck" could have been replaced with something else. I just think Molly's all religious and stuff and can't imagine her releasing anything remotely like this.

**KYR** · 05-09-2009, 07:10 PM

Really surprised that no one's mentioned Chyna yet - oh sorry, we're talking former WOMEN'S wrestler.

Actually, my guess is that it wasn't a woman. In fact, I doubt it was a wrestler at all.

I'd put my money on a former member of the Creative team.

**Brian Bee** · 05-09-2009, 09:16 PM

My guess would be Francine based on some of the Tammy Sytch comments.

**#1-norm-fan** · 05-10-2009, 04:51 AM

The Batista mention doesn't really make sense if it's Francine.

XL · 05-10-2009, 06:49 AM

Why not?

It's COMMON KNOWLEDGE that at least one Diva has fucked Batista. Like I said, the person who wrote it doesn't need to have witness to most of the stuff that is mentioned.

**Mr. Nerfect** · 05-13-2009, 02:34 AM

Batista's fucked at least Melina and Kelly Kelly. Also, didn't Francine make some appearances when ECW started up again? And wasn't ECW part of the SmackDown! roster, which I think Batista may have been part of at the time? Yeah, just saying, it's a possibility.

**Sovereigntywillpr** · 05-13-2009, 07:25 AM

Scot Levy, Flair and Batista was kind of a wierd pairing...

one of the girls who got taken out of the 25woman rumble.... It seems like abunch of girls were contacted and either all asked for more money . Or vince is just an idiot and since names leaeked on the net he just found shittier ones(like I'll show you, you'll be suprised when sable and sunny don't show up).

I still say Victoria, seems like she was droped like a ton of bricks...but maid it like her own terms, like mentioned above

**Skippord** · 05-16-2009, 10:49 PM

Ryan Clark

05-08-2009, 07:45 PM	#7
parkmania #BUCTOBER Posts: 6,461	Rico or Orton. We all know how much Orton loves shitting ~~on the divas~~ in their bags. Edit: Thanks 450! Last edited by parkmania; 05-09-2009 at 03:22 PM.

05-08-2009, 06:22 PM	#1
Volare Da Gif/Pic Pimp Posts: 13,913	Lets play "Who wrote this?" I had to pull this off of the main page...it was too damn funny to miss out and see what everyone had to guess. 20 Rules For The WWE Diva Afterlife Written By Pissed Off Star? I can’t confirm the validity of the following piece, but was it was apparently written from the perspective of an anonymous former WWE Diva giving her tongue-in-cheek take on the afterlife of a WWE Diva, largely taking aim at her peers and the numerous fans that attend wrestling conventions (which almost always have a slew of former WWE Divas on hand). The piece has been forwarded around to numerous wrestling sites, including this one. An interesting read to say the least: 20 Official Rules For WWE Diva Afterlife Written by a former WWE Diva 1. Don’t worry, it will grow back fine… just cut it down and stop bleaching it dummy. Now your natural color will be seen as a “new look” and you will experience refreshed marketability. Take some brand new all natural 8�10’s at Wal-Mart and work it girl! 2. Remember you can always bleach your hair again back to the “classic look” to boost your self esteem for a week. If you ever get cancer from the dye, just ask Dawn Marie to sell her unwashed panties through Wrestlers Rescue to help pay for the medical bills. 3. If your just coming off TV, then your used to the schedule. Always starve yourself before every appearance and pig out at your favorite fast food restaurant afterwards. Nothing new. Eating disorders and binging cycles are totally normal and healthy. It’s a Diva’s way of life, 4-life. 4. If you haven’t done so already, you need to go fuck either Scott Levy, Batista or Ric Flair before he dies. Do a few lines of coke with them too. It makes for a great tell all shoot and high self worth. 5. The wrestling convention circuit is 10�200. The same 10 money marks will book you and the same 200 losers will show up each time. Milk ‘em for all they are worth cause it’s all you got left. Virgil will be at every show so you might as well get to know him too. And yes, he is a real creep. 6. Appearing at 3 Flea Markets per week is officially known as “doing a tour”. Congrats on the success! 7. Letting men touch your breasts for an extra $5 during photo-ops is an excellent business strategy. 8. If the photo-op printer ever stalls and delays, just give them an index card with your own lip prints on it. It will make their day that you were soooo selfless, giving and thoughtful of their patience. 9. It’s perfectly normal to refer to other human beings as “fans”, “clients” and “followers” but to their face- always call them “friend”. 10. Always smile and play nice with the co-workers you haven’t seen in 5 years. These are your “best friends in the whole world”….somehow? That’s how the wrestling family illusion rolls on. 11. Treat the disabled extra nice. Them pockets are deep with Social Security money and they spend like mad at the gimmick table. 12. You will never draw like Trish Stratus, you will never look like Trish Stratus and you will flat out never be Trish Stratus… but don’t ever stop trying hun’. 13. But yes, I know you are still a big star… right in your head. 14. Even if you got fired, always say that you left “on your own terms” or because of an “undisclosed dispute”. This will always make you appear above the business. 15. Always say that a WWE return is “right around the corner” and “never say never” when you know damn well they wouldn’t take you back if you begged. 16. When the going get’s tough, selling your used tampons on eBay is a great way to make some additional cash. 17. I know the crows feet and wrinkles are building up. It’s ok, no one is going to seriously book your used up, worn out ass after age 45 anyway. It’s now time to assume the Moolah role. 18. There’s nothing wrong with forever living in the past. Tammy Sytch still lives in 1996, and look there’s nothing wrong with her. 19. Why have any normal relationships? You can have every lonely pervert from Philadelphia to Oakland lusting after you. Being emotionally unstable is F U N! 20. Remember that Jesus forgives you for all of your sins, so everything listed above is A-OK. Just rinse and repeat. In closing: Yes this is one sad life but hey it’s all you know…. so do it like a professional! So yeah, who in the hell wrote this? I really have no idea...cause I just don't know could've been around WWE the same time as Bats, Flair or Levy...and knows the rumors about Dawn or Tammy therefore calling them out in this. Last edited by Volare; 05-08-2009 at 06:24 PM.

05-08-2009, 06:38 PM	#2
Juan Doin' It Right Posts: 35,460	Lita

05-08-2009, 06:50 PM	#3
Sovereigntywillpr Member Posts: 465	"All the things she said running threw my head running threw my head" Victoria who left suddenly with no goodbye maybe? she never bleached her hair(as far as I know) In less she had to bleach it first to get it to that shade of red. "always say that you left “on your own terms”.....affter a random smackdown out of the blue during cutback season...

05-08-2009, 06:53 PM	#4
Exyle Roll +Sharp Posts: 518	Torrie Wilson? Maybe. I dunno.

05-08-2009, 06:54 PM	#5
Nicky Fives b/c 5 is better than 4 Posts: 9,721	12. You will never draw like Trish Stratus, you will never look like Trish Stratus and you will flat out never be Trish Stratus… but don’t ever stop trying hun’. that gave it away to me..... Terri Runnells...... but thats just IMO.... I can remember her saying "hun" alot

05-08-2009, 07:51 PM	#8
Theo Dious EATER OF HOT POCKETS Posts: 14,340	I'm really thinking Terri on this. Possibly Debra too.

05-08-2009, 07:55 PM	#9
Destor I am the cheese Posts: 51,463	Dunno, the Virgil comment makes me not buy this.

05-08-2009, 08:07 PM	#11
parkmania #BUCTOBER Posts: 6,461	Based on my interactions with him, I would have to say that the Virgil comment is pretty dead-on.

05-08-2009, 08:14 PM	#14
McLegend Temporary Posts: 15,591	Whoever it is most certainly rips Dawn Marie a new one.

05-08-2009, 09:54 PM	#16
Triple Naitch Formerly Fausto Carmona Posts: 16,875	Either Terri or Lita.

05-08-2009, 10:37 PM	#17
Lock Jaw Skibbidy Lock Jaw Posts: 88,651	Shannon Moore

05-09-2009, 02:22 AM	#19
Mr. Nerfect Posts: 61,533	I don't know why, but I thought of Molly Holly.

05-09-2009, 02:44 AM	#20
#1-norm-fan Resident drug enabler Posts: 45,473	I don't think Molly would use that kind of language.

05-09-2009, 02:46 AM	#21
Mr. Nerfect Posts: 61,533	I'm too lazy to go back and check, but I only saw the word "fuck" used once, from memory.

05-09-2009, 11:34 AM	#22
Gerard Tongue my Fartbox Posts: 5,363	Id say sable.

05-09-2009, 12:46 PM	#23
XL Feeling Oof-y Posts: 17,151	My first thought was Victoria. Could be anyone really. I mean, they don't need to have dyed their hair, or had their head shaved, or been in the WWE at the same time as Flair/Levy/Batista, or been witness to any of the stuff mention in the article. A lot of it is common knowledge...brought to us by former Divas doing shoot interviews.

05-09-2009, 01:49 PM	#24
DAMN iNATOR RIP SABU Posts: 35,541	First thought/theory of mine is that it is Victoria talking to like Molly Holly or something, based on #1, since they had a hair vs. hair match for the Women's Championship @ WM 20 which MH lost...dunno though for certain.

05-09-2009, 07:10 PM	#27
KYR Bringin' Back The Sexy Posts: 8,470	Really surprised that no one's mentioned Chyna yet - oh sorry, we're talking former WOMEN'S wrestler. Actually, my guess is that it wasn't a woman. In fact, I doubt it was a wrestler at all. I'd put my money on a former member of the Creative team.

05-09-2009, 09:16 PM	#28
Brian Bee Posts: 37	My guess would be Francine based on some of the Tammy Sytch comments.

05-10-2009, 04:51 AM	#29
#1-norm-fan Resident drug enabler Posts: 45,473	The Batista mention doesn't really make sense if it's Francine.

05-10-2009, 06:49 AM	#30
XL Feeling Oof-y Posts: 17,151	Why not? It's COMMON KNOWLEDGE that at least one Diva has fucked Batista. Like I said, the person who wrote it doesn't need to have witness to most of the stuff that is mentioned.

05-13-2009, 02:34 AM	#31
Mr. Nerfect Posts: 61,533	Batista's fucked at least Melina and Kelly Kelly. Also, didn't Francine make some appearances when ECW started up again? And wasn't ECW part of the SmackDown! roster, which I think Batista may have been part of at the time? Yeah, just saying, it's a possibility.

05-13-2009, 07:25 AM	#32
Sovereigntywillpr Member Posts: 465	Scot Levy, Flair and Batista was kind of a wierd pairing... one of the girls who got taken out of the 25woman rumble.... It seems like abunch of girls were contacted and either all asked for more money . Or vince is just an idiot and since names leaeked on the net he just found shittier ones(like I'll show you, you'll be suprised when sable and sunny don't show up). I still say Victoria, seems like she was droped like a ton of bricks...but maid it like her own terms, like mentioned above

05-16-2009, 10:49 PM	#33
Skippord I'm Mr. White Christmas Posts: 44,526	Ryan Clark