The Best Captions of 2004 Thread

[Corkscrewed]

APRIL

SmackDOWN! [4-1-2004]
Face Heely:

Eddie Guerrero proudly unveils the new "Latino Heat Asshat," available now on WWE ShopZone!

Rock Bottom:

Bradshaw: Are you the cruiserweight I'm here to bury?
Driver: No hablo-
Bradshaw: (Cutting him off) Thanks little buddy. Know where I might find this "Hablo" character?


When your penis is that large, it certainly takes alot out of you to masturbate.


And thus, Booker one-upped Brock, by disintegrating Holly's entire head with a piledriver.


Cena: This dog should be the new mascot for the WWE! Not only does it live and breathe WWE, but it shits WWE too!


Bradshaw: And this pink right here represents some heavy heat and humidity pouring through the area. A little to the west of that, there is some light rainfall, and I guess that giant Mexican guy is like El Nino or something.


Taker: Well Eddie, looks like putting on that cowboy hat got you a huge pop, guess you owe me 20 bucks.

Corkscrewed:

Long: "The Man is holding down the brotha. See, D-Von, you didn't even notice that Bubba borrowed some of Rhyno's crazy glue to paste a thermal detonator onto your cheek."


Cena: "Hey Renee, how come YOU get to hang out with Stephanie?"


The depush of Eddie Guerrero began as he was appointed Official SmackDOWN! Boogers Inspector.

Innovator:

Haas: Ha! gotcha leg!
RVD: Ha! gotcha push!
Haas: ...dirty mother****er


Even the limo threw the horns up for Cena

Big Daddy Cool:

Cena and Bradshaw agree, he's a homo.

loopydate:

CENA: And now I will use my powers to...TURN SYLVAN GRENIER INTO A POODLE!


After he broke his nose, Eddie knew that the only one who could take care of him was Kurt "Booboo Kisser" Angle.


LAWYER: Mister Bradshaw, would you please point to whomever it was that put you in the giant marshmallow?


EDDIE: I'm going to sit on you so hard, your hat will be the only thing sticking out.
BRADSHAW: I'd like to see you try!
(Moments later)
EDDIE: Ow.

Big Vito 22:

RVD does his best Kevin Nash impersonation.


RAW [4-5-2004]
MVP:

Johnny: "Hey remember that time on Nitro when Bret Hart beat you for the World Heavyweight Title?"
Benoit: "You better shut up."
Johnny: "Remember when you got screwed out of keeping World Heavyweight Title at Souled Out?"
Benoit: "Remember that time your arm "spontaneously" broke?"
Johnny: "No...*snap* OWWWWW!!"


The new Mick Foley brand toothbrush did not sell well.


No one jobbed to Chris Benoit in a nappy match.

Wondermouse:

The chair wasn't all that comfortable, but Christian had to appreciate the state of the art slutholder. Now his hand didn't get all wet from the natural condensation.

loopydate:

REGAL: Hello, sunshine.
ERIC: Oh, hi, William. Good to see you.
REGAL: Yes, well, I just thought I'd inform you that I have come to replace Steve Austin as your backstage nemesis, so to speak.
ERIC: Oh. Well, thank you for informing me.
REGAL: You're quite welcome. Now, would you please direct me to the ladies' locker room.
ERIC: Down the hall to the left. Why do you ask?
REGAL: Oh, no reason. *Cracks knuckles* See you soon.


ANNCR: And the lucky winner is the fan seated in section 1, row 1, seat 1!
TRISH: Did we just win?
FAN: Riiiiiiiigged!


MICK: This cotton candy looks kind of str--OW!


Steven Richards: Master Archer


ERIC: ...hope you don't mind that I put down in words / How wonderful life is while you're in the world...
MICK: Dude, that was bro awesome man sweet dawg!
HBK: Rubbish. Absolute rubbish.
BENOIT: Hey! Why do I have to be Paula?


PETER/PAUL/MARY: No need to rub it in, asshole.

JamesSteele:

Triple H: Who dare sayeth I have a small penis?
Dave (To Ric): That's what Randy Told me...
Ric: I am not telling you anything you don't already know...
Triple H: Who said that?

Rock Bottom:

Shelton had to be the dumbest guy in the planet for agreeing to his rematch with Triple H being a "nose war."


Shelton: Alright Trips, get ready to go over me.
Triple H: Wait a m-
Shelton: Contract said I'd put you over, didnt say how!

El Santo:

Trips: "Heh... don't worry, Shelton. You won't be buried like the Hurricane."
Shelton: "Uh, Hunter... Nose. Growing."
Trips: "Dammit."


The Ref was at a loss when Steven Richards snatched his Philly cheese steak.


Mick was kinda perplexed by the size of Big Show's Q-tip.


There were few things that could faze Hunter, but unsightly earwax buildup just grossed him out.


When Chris finally realized that he was being stalked by Shelob, it was too late.

Corkscrewed:

Mick Foley's heel turn was complete as he revelled in the victory of stealing the Olympic Torch.


A-Train kicked off his newest angle by running down Orton with a locomotive, doing it "for the Ric."


Chris was devastated when Triple H took his belt just like that without a match or anything, but at least Evolution gave him a pinfall over a steel chair so that he could retain some of his credibility.


"At last, the gold is mine agai-- What the? Dammit Invisible Crucifix! I have the belt now! You can stop targetting people that hold gold!"

Sascha:

Eugene: HHH put a glass ceiling for me right here.
Regal: Then after your match with Hunter, you will go into the golden box.

Innovator:

Regal: Hello Eric, I'm back
Biscoff: MR. BEAN!!!!!!
Regal:....oh shit


I know Christian is enjoying having Trish with him, but he's got to watch out for that Imperial Walker behind him


Jericho: Couple more seconds and I've won...
Ref: Sorry Chris, I can't ring the bell for any Canadians anymore, strict rules
Jericho: But I live in NY now
Ref: Oh, in that case *rings bell*
Jericho: sucker


SmackDOWN! [4-8-2004]
Rock Bottom:

Angle had copied Charlie's whopper for the last time.


Bush: Haha, I got it. I hacked into the votes. My competition won't stand a chance... Now let's see... (Stupified look, starts typing)


Eddie: What the hell!? I am the President of the United States!?
(Somewhere in D.C.)
Bush: God... Damnit! What is WRONG with this thing!? (Still typing)


Michael Jackson's first Hug a Little Boy foundation meeting was a success.


Eddie Guerrero had all sorts of things in his pocket to use as an illegal object, including the mummified penis of John Bobbit.


Eddie Guerrero as a Final Fantasy 1 character was a big success, with equipment such as S. Chair, WWE Belt. But if only the thief chose the right pillar to prove his courage, he could become a ninja.

Kane Knight:

Bradshaw, doing his impression of Neo from the Matrix...


Ten minutes later...


An hour after the TV equipment has been packed up...

El Santo:

Like the mighty baboon, Rikishi often frightened off his enemies by flashing his vibrant buttocks.


Scotty's mime gimmick stalled when he couldn't find a way out of his invisible box.


Say what you want about Theodore Long, but the man could freestyle like a motherf***er.


Sure, everyone made fun of Eddie's portrait, but no one was laughing when it pulled out two lightsabers.

Corkscrewed:

It was quite obvious from this picture: Scotty did NOT know Kung Fu.


Angle: "See? WWE polls are fair! They are NOT fixed!"
Cena: "Yeah... not fixed..."


Vince: "Hey Bradshaw, I want you to learn some new moves!"

JamesSteele:

John Cena had Danny Basham beat until he spontaniously broke out into a complete rendition of Michael Jackson's "Thriller"


Eddie's E-Bay addiction was starting to get the best of him.

Wondermouse:

Bradshaw was impressed. That was a helluva one-minute manicure.


Haas: Why didn't you tell me those green shorts were ridiculous!?


Jindrak was puzzled, when, looking into the monitor, he saw Mick Foley in the stands.

Face Heely:

Rikishi just couldn’t keep a straight face whenever D’Von started quoting Richard Pryor

Fryza:

Scotty: IT'S MORPHING TIME!

BigDaddyCool:

Kurt (thinking): Hmmm, I don't remeber getting a life sized Eddie doll, and more importantly, where is my wallet.

loopydate:

KID: Hey, Bradshaw. I have a note for you.
JBL (reading): "John. Sorry to get your hopes up, but your push timer is almost up. Better luck next draft lottery. Vince."


Big Show was elated. He knew he had voted 20,000 times. His mom's computer was working again!


REF: So, Spike, you're telling me that on RAW, the referees didn't have to wear these gay armbands?


KURT: Ladies and gentlemen. It is my pleasure to inform you all that we - the Bears - are the Shufflin' Crew.


COLE (sobbing): If--if only he hadn't bought Brock that laptop. He might still be here!

Nowhere Man:

No one was quite sure what the strange Sign Guy meant by "They're Indestructable and Use Them The Wood," but if they had just asked him instead of dismissing him as a lunatic, the horrific Super Termite Invasion of 2006 could have been prevented.


Eddie was getting pretty tired of Kurt's desperate attempts to one-up the WWE Champion. Yeah, the Olympic Gold Medals were impressive and stuff, but by the time he'd started breaking out his old Pinewood Derby trophies, it was pretty obvious that he was scraping the bottom of the barrel.


Teddy Long finds your lack of faith disturbing.


Angle was proud to announce the competitors for the fourth annual Stupid Clothes for White People competition.


Mixing all of the Undertaker's Dead Man and Biker gimmicks was confusing enough, but making him an undead cowboy biker pimp was the last straw.

[Corkscrewed]

RAW [4-12-2004]
Corkscrewed:

Regal: "Hello, Trish my dear! I'm training Eugene here in the ways of the authority-figure-who-feuds-with-the-other-authority-figure. Therefore, may you kindly stand right there while Eugene here gives you a royal shiny and then pushes you into that pile of scrap metal?"


Mick: "Hey Earl! Ring the bell! Chris is from Atlanta and Hunter is from near Canada!"
Earl: "Okay." DING DING DING!
Benoit: "Suckers..."

Rock Bottom:

Kane had warned the Blue Meanie to stand back when his pyro went off.


Long: It's reasons like this I got traded to SmackDown, white man always pissing on the black talent.


Tajiri proved once and for all to be the champion of Truth or Dare when he removed A-Train's thong with his teeth.

The ref decided to let this one slide, as Orton was not giving leverage to Triple H for the abdominal stretch. It turned out Triple H was giving leverage to Orton to help him take a shit.


Triple H: One blowjob, one blowjob, hayabayabaybayba Do I hear one blowjob, haybayabblahblahblah.
Michaels: One blowjob!
Triple H: Two blowjobs, two blowjobs! Do I hear two blowjobs! Hybabayababablahblah.
Benoit: Two blowjobs.
Triple H: Haybahaba two blowjobs, do I hear three blowjobs and your soul? Going once... Going twice... Erm, Shawn?
Michaels: ...Sorry, my soul belongs to Jesus.
Triple H: ...Sold... Benoit retains.

Sascha:

Kane knew he should've taken Wonka's warnings seriously.

El Santo:

Boy, you know it's getting bad when Evolution no-sells a napalm strike.

gonMad00

Foley: Hey H, you find that spider yet?
HHH: F*ck you!

Vega

Grand Master Sexay's hat was a little overboard this week.

Savior

JR: ROCK BOTTOM!

loopydate:

It was a night of recycled gimmicks. Unfortunately, the return of Grandmaster Sexay diverted a lot of attention away from Glen "Mood Ring" Jacobs.


Kane's Banzai Drop From The Rafters didn't do his back much good.


Kane knew he had to seek shelter. It was raining 1998!


You knew JR was going to have trouble with this one. If he couldn't tell Chris Benoit and Chris Jericho apart, how could he tell Bitch and Botch apart?


HBK: Did you order the locker room cancer?
CHRIS: No. I thought you did.
HHH: Somebody has to sign for m--it. It. Sign for it.

SmackDOWN! [4-15-2004]
loopydate:

KURT: Man! Concrete angels are HARD!

trnbuckle:

Eddie searches aimlessly to find Shawn's lost smile.

Rock Bottom:

It was Kurt Angle's move against Vince McMahon in "Hoss Chess."


Rico was a dirty guy, and really didn't mind kissing someone, even if their ass had "HHH was here" spray-painted on it.


The Austin household sure was hectic tonight.


Meanwhile, at the Austin household...
Austin: God damnit woman! I said go get me a beer!
Girl: (trembling) But Steve, the stores are all closed and we're out!
Austin: I said go get me a god damned beer, not go to the store you stupid bitch!

Vastardikai:

Big Show was frozen: it's not everyday you get to meet Lex Luthor, JR of Dallas fame AND Thing.


Desperate measures needed to be taken to save the poor little WWE logo from getting beaten up by the much larger Word Life Logo.


Eddie can be so cruel. Making fun of Big Show just because he mispelled Sam's name...

tucsonspeed6:

Tinkerbell: *whisper whisper* "They're all sinners and must feel hell's fury. Burn them! BURN THEM ALL!"
Show: NO! It can't be! They all ate dinners and need to feed Belle curry! BURP THEM ALL!
Tinkerbell: Damn that deafening entrance music!

JT Kool:

Eddie was suprised to discover that Sean O'Hare wasn't really released, but his cage was just relocated.

Corkscrewed:

Charles Robinson: "And now... I will turn Rico's underwear.... INTO A THONG! VOILA!"
Rico: "Ha! You can't do th-- "


Sick and tired of Hebner's stupid chicken dance, Eddie decided to take matters into his own hands with a flying cross body.

#1-wwf-fan:

Kurt: "Alright Show, you know the deal. If you lose, you have to quit. But if you win, you get to eat this giant potato chip off of Bradshaw's head."

Hired Hitman:

Torrie: What are you doing!?

Big Show: ..You said to fill it up

Kane Knight:

Big Show took things a little too literally when he took a bite out of crime...


Backlash
Shaggy:

Beniot: Look HBK there is a spider right by your hand. Bet you cant kill it
HBK: Oh yea....
HHH: No Shawn No its a trick!!!!!!!

Kapoutman:



Orton bought too much balloons at the fair, and Foley tried to keep him grounded to the best of his strength.


A ref with ADD was not a good idea for a match so important.
Ref: 1,2...Are these ants red or black?

Corkscrewed:

Tajiri chuckled. They always fell for the Bottom Turnbuckle Inspection gag.


Trish knew it was the end for her when she became trapped in Jericho's glass box.


This wasn't what Orton had in mind when he suggested Foley "take out the trash."


Benoit could take the Sharpshooter. It was Hebner's stupid Matrix impressions that were messing him up.

Rock Bottom:

Jericho: Mmm, so soft... Yet so firm...
Trish: Um... Chris? You gonna fallaway slam me sometime tonight?
Jericho: Mmm, you know what would be even better Trish? If I gave you a hangman's delayed flowing hovering very slow tombstone... Over and over...


Randy Orton's punishment for being AWOL from the US Marines was letting special forces use his back as a map of possible terrorist locations.


This was just further proof that any retard could capture the French flag.


Edge does his Lesnar NFL try-out impression, while Kane does his Lesnar-on-a-bike impression.

Kane Knight:

Tajiri does his best Ultimo dragon impression--Falling flat on his face, then disappearing back to dark matches.


HHH: And so I'm pumping away, and Steph is screaming like a banshee...
Benoit: Oh GOD! I give up! You can have the damn title back! Just DON'T finish that sentence!

The Highlander:

At this point, Shelton realized that Charlie had switched his Japanese move scouting tapes with lesbian porn.


Jericho, ever the gentileman, stopped mid match to save Trish from Steven Richards's come-ons.


At this point, Lita and Victoria realized that Charlie Haas switched their lesbian porn with Japanese move scouting tapes


e
Benoit: Torn your quad again?
HHH: No.
Benoit: Now?
HHH: No.
Benoit: Now?
HHH: AHHHHHH!!!
Benoit: Finally!
HHH: No, I just noticed you're missing a tooth.

loopydate:

"Stunning" Steve Austin made a surprise return...with unsurprising results.


GAIL: Oh, my God...
MOLLY: Ref, how could you let Lita do a piledriver? How COULD you?


RANDY: My shirt does not lie!
MICK: Okay, okay! You ARE Voldemort!


SHAWN: If I had a hand in the Montreal Screwjob, may I be horribly crushed from above somehow...

PorkSoda:

Christian: Here, let me turn off the shower, Trish! *Turns nob* err! *other nob* Err! OK, lets go watch TV! *Turns TV on with the turney thing* Err! Hey..what are you looking at?

big_bluto:

Benoit: Shawn's looking at my ass isn't he?
Ref: Yep.
HHH: He calls you his special friend, Chris.
Benoit: help me please...
HHH: It'll cost you.
Benoit: I'll give you your title back after your movie deal?
HHH: Done. You distract him, and I'll hit him with my hammer.


Benoit (off-camera): Okay Shawn, on your knees, baby.
HBK: Mmmmmmmmm. Canadianssssss.
HHH: Suckers!


RAW [4-19-2004]
Corkscrewed:

*thinking* Now that I've shaved my hair after escaping from that wretched cage, NOBODY will recognize me!!!


Ref 1: "Pull her off! Pull her off!!!"
Ref 2: "I can't! She's too strong!"
Ref 1: "Well, we can't just give up, we have to try something!"
Ref 2: "Okay... um... Molly! You're a homo?"
Molly: "WHAT?!" *lets go*
Ref 1: "You did it!"
Ref 2: "I did it!"
Molly: "You called me a WHAT?!"
Ref 2: "Oh shit."

loopydate:

Once again, Chris Benoit proves that he is the king of the Really Really Short Ladder Match.


Evolution all had other things on their mind while the YMCA song played. Randy was soaking in the glory of his ascension to Legendhood. Batista was catching grapes. HHH was going through belt withdrawals. And Ric...just had to pee.


LILLIAN: Okay, Red Contender. You have to take this gun and shoot the target over Gemini's head. Okay?


Edge and Chris were happy...until the ref started turning into Agent Smith.


Edge was thrilled...until the cage lowered. It was time for Bonesaw!

big_bluto:

Orton: Can you get him to make me look more over?
Edge: Course, dude! He's my brother. Now, how over would you like?
Orton: Very over please.
Edge: You'll have to lend me your title for the period of 4 weeks.
Orton: Only if he can make me look very over and give me a real finishing move.
Edge: Hey! He's a hairdresser, not a miracle worker!


Vic Flair: Quick, I've got him pinned down, you find out where he keeps that bloody mist!
Ref: Right!

Funky Fly:

Christian: Ron Harris? Who let you in here?

Rock Bottom:

Benoit makes a huge heel turn even in Calgary, when he reveals that it was HE who had Michaels's smile all along.


Edge: I've been gone, forced to sit here and watch for fourteen months. And I've hated it. But there is one instance that gets me the most, Orton. That Jesus of Nazareth joke was TOTALLY unacceptable. LISTEN TO ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU.

NCHIGHFLYERS:

Ref: wow...this Tajiri keg really gives the best beer

Kane Knight:

It was foolish of Vince to think that the fans couldn't tell the difference between Austin and a couple of refs.

[Corkscrewed]

SmackDOWN! [4-22-2004]
Vastardikai:

Paul: Your check is in the mail... What?

gonMad00:

If anyone can carry Cheech-- i mean, Chavo Sr. through a match, it's Forrest-- I mean, Cena.


Now it was Haas' turn to be in a cage. To make it worse.. with Rico.

Rock Bottom:

D'Von's "Captain Obvious" gimmick was a success, as he called Bubba and RVD homos mid-coitus.


Bradshaw: My financial advice team will do their very best to make sure you get the soundest, most efficient advice. Just ask one of my many satisfied clients.
(Clip shows)
Bradshaw: So you see, as long as you write bad checks, you don't have to pay the wrestlers...

So far, their date was going extremely well. All the advice Rene got from the guys in the locker room seemed to work.

That is... Until he got to Austin's advice.


That would be the last time Torrie starred in a porn with Gangrel.


Bradshaw knew that smell my finger trick would work after fingering Stephanie McMahon.

Corkscrewed:

Cole: "No Austin! Don't that poor, innocent woman!"
Tazz: "That's Renee Dupree, not Steve Austin!"
Cole: "Sorry. Force of habit."


Eddie: "Suck my balls, D-Von! That's right, I'm EDDIE GUERRERO, BITCH!


As his promo reached his twelfth hour, Bradshaw couldn't help but notice people weren't paying as much attention as before.

El Santo:

Bubba: "Look, Paul, I agree we have to take drastic measures to bring Smackdown's ratings up, but 'Rob Van Dam, the White Afro Thunder' is just not going to go over."


RVD: "All right, I'm a horse! Vince HAS to push me now!"
D-Von: "Um, Rob..."
Bubba: "Let him be, D-Von. Let him be."


Sure, Rikishi was always game for flag football! Unfortunately, he'd misheard the "flag" part.


Fans were shocked when, suddenly, Rikishi pooped out Liberace!
JR: "Mah God, King! He was NEVER dead! He was just up Rikishi's ass all this time!"


Haas: "Oh God! Powerful... magnets! Trying... to take... belts... away! .... Ah hell, might as well have fun. Wheeeeee!"


At this moment, Haas started to suspect that there was something weird about his new ring valet.


Renee was torn. Torrie ... or Fifi? Decisions, decisions...

big_bluto:

Paul: Look, Taker, you've been told that you've got a match against Booker T at Judgement Day.
Bradshaw: Paul, I'm Bradshaw!
Paul: No. Taker is the cowboy on SD.
Bradshaw: No. I'm JBL now, and I've got a title shot on Judgement Day.
Paul: WTF?
Bradshaw: Me v Eddie. Main Event.
Paul: I'm gone 3 weeks and this is the crap that happens. Jesus! I'm gonna see Vince!!!

tucsonspeed6:

Rikishi found out the hard way that the world where time runs backwards was not all it was cracked up to be when he attempted to do his pre-match ritual of taking a big stinky crap...


Moments later, the doors to the arena slammed shut and a mysterious blaze roared through the building, incinerating everyone in attendance.

Vastardikai:

Rene: You're the world's worst actress, aren't you?

Torrie: You Remembered!

loopydate:

RIKISHI: So THAT's what my feet look like!

[IMG]RICO: MY CREDIBILITY! I knew I left you somewhere![/IMG]
Charlie couldn't help but weep. In just two short months, he'd gone from one-half of the World's Greatest Tag Team to one-half of the Ambiguously Gay Duo.


JBL: ...which would be the perfect opportunity to sell. Now, when the NASAQ...
PAUL (thinking): That DOES look like a giant potato chip!


CENA: You were in "Selena!" You were responsible for J-Lo's career taking off!


D-VON: Why, yes, Eddie. That blonde in the front row is ho--OW, MY EYE!


JBL: ...down 3 3/4. Now, would you like me to tell you about the top tech stocks in the--Eddie? Dammit, I've done it again.


RAW [4-26-2004]
Corkscrewed:

Lita never believed the stories her mom told about the "Botch Monster" coming to eat her if she made enough mistakes. Now, she was starting to regret that.


"So I push one of these buttons and someone's push magically disappears? Wow, this Triple H machine is fun!"


Benoit: "If you could be stranded on a desert island with any woman in the world, who would it be? "
Michaels: "Taylor Hanson."
Benoit: "Taylor Hanson is a guy."
Michaels: "Hahaha! You guys are yankin' me. 'Hey, let's put one over on Quagmire.'"
Benoit: "No, he's actually a guy, Shawn."
Michaels: "What? That's insane. That's impossible. *Pause* Oh god. Oh my god. I've got all these magazines. Oh god."


Orton: "Lemme get this straight. You were called 'The King,' but you DIDN'T scream 'PUPPIES!' every five seconds???"

PureHatred:

Lita was terrified by Kane's breathe. But Kane was even more scared that Lita would botch the kiss and kill them both.


Triple H had blamed everyone else for the low ratings the last few years. It was now Mr. Planty's turn.

Rock Bottom:

That would be the last time these two had a threesome with Rhyno.


Triple H: I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THIS CRAP. Unbelievable. How DARE you have leaves greener than my face.
Tree: ...
Triple H: Look at me when I'm talking to you, you jobbing piece of shit.


Lawler: There's Charlie everywhere... WATCH YOUR TAIL, HE'S RIGHT ON YOU! Man oh man oh man... NO! GOD DAMNIT PULL UP! PULL UP! ARGH! (Begins weeping) DIE YOU GOOK BASTARDS! DIE! DIE!!!!!
Christian: I knew I shouldn't have let him do a top-rope move.


Triple H: (Stomp) That (Stomp) will (Stomp) teach (Stomp) you (Stomp) to (Stomp) speak (Stomp) better (Stomp) Japanese (Stomp) than (Stomp) ME.


Flair: See Edge, this is what I'm talking about. Foley is so fat and out of shape, he can't go... more than... five... m... (ZzZzZzZzZ)

loopydate:

GAIL: As the future World Women's Champion, I encourage you from time to time - and always in a respectful manner - to critique my matches. If you're unconvinced that a particular move I've used is the wisest, tell me so, but allow me to convince you and I promise you right here and now, no subject will ever be taboo. Except, of course, the subject that was just under discussion. The price you pay for bringing up the fact that I'm a Canadian being announced as "from Korea" as a negative is - I collect your ****ing arm. Just like this ****er here. Now, if any of you botchtastic bitches got anything else to say, NOW'S THE ****ING TIME! I didn't think so.


HHH: Yeah? Well...uh...YOUR roots don't look natural, either!

Nowhere Man:

The classic Triple H/Tajiri Unenthusiastic Disco Contest ended in tragedy when both men were killed in a surprise nerve gas attack.


The horror that struck Grand Master Sexay when he learned his goggles were stuck to his head was only matched by the horror that struck him when he learned that his hands were now stuck to his goggles. If he'd only watched more Rhyno matches while he was out.....


The whole idea of "making the save" didn't really dawn on Tyson until just after he and Jericho had ripped Trish in half.


Finally, the two find solace and romance with one another, and spend the rest of their lives happily inspecting each other's teeth.


People always bust HHH's chops for not selling anyone else's offense, but Flair taking a nap while Edge has his own finisher on him is really crossing the line.

El Santo:

HHH: "You march on Isengard, dammit, or all Middle Earth is lost!!"


GMS: "Oh my God! I came back to the WWE, and I have no wrestling skills whatsoever!" Pounds head. "Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!"


Things got horribly surreal when "The Magician" Tyson Tomko pulled Trish Stratus out of Jericho's ass.


JR: "And on the ring ropes, ladies and gentlemen, is the tightest ass I have ever seen! ... And Stacy's there, too."

Vastardikai:

The bookers learned a horrible lesson that day: Lita's bad acting can cause projectile vomitting.


SmackDOWN! [4-29-2004]
Corkscrewed:

Booker T gained even more heel heat when he offered two Big Macs to the Undertaker right in plain view of Paul Bearer.


Taker was not amused by Booker's whoopi cushion.

Rock Bottom:

Not satisfied with just regular Olympic Gold, Kurt Angle goes for the Special Olympic Gold Medals!


Rene was dead set on making Kurt a proud man by going out there and winning the Naked Olympics.


Chavo called off his open challenge when he was defeated in his first bout against "The World." Apparently, Cheech Martin had a knack for ladder matches.

Nowhere Man:

Angle succumbs to Heyman's nefarious psychological warfare when Paul E. plays the ending of Old Yeller on the Titantron.


Charles Robinson should have stepped in to put a stop to the brutality, but someone in the crowd brought in a boom-box with the Macarena song and, dammit, he just had to dance!


Dupree was never really comfortable with the company's policy of broadcasting annual physicals on live TV, especially when it was his turn to cough.


There was no doubt that Chavo was one of the toughest bastards in the WWE. No one, and I mean NO ONE, has ever withstood the Sicilian Crotch Chomp, but Chavo barely even flinches.


Booker tried his hardest to finish his promo and not pay attention to the fact that he'd been set on fire.


RVD: Dude, wake up! The match has started!
Bubba: Ughhh...five more minutes...
RVD: Come one, man! We're gonna get in trouble!
Bubba: I don't wanna go to school today...

Lamuella:

Mrs Angle had to stop halfway through the story to reassure Kurt that eventually the little boy would find The Puppy Who Lost His Way


On the other side of the pants, to avoid any confusion, was the word 'hdiick'

El Santo:

Despite initial hesitation from internet smarks, the WWE's first "Steaming Bowl of Milk" Match was a surprising success.


Taker: *getting up* "Hold on a second... BRADSHAW's getting the main event a Judgment Day?"

loopydate:

Charles Robinson was terrified. Torrie was in trouble, and here he was, trapped in this damned invisible box!


D-Von knew he should have finished off RVD, but damned if he didn't feel like Chicken Tonight.


The Undertaker was tough before, but now that he had his own pet Oompa Loompa...

[Corkscrewed]

MAY

RAW [5-3-2004]
tucsonspeed6:

Jericho: Guys! Seriously, get down here and help me find my contact lens!


Lita: *sobbing* He's gone forever! We'll miss you Benoit
Matt: No, wait! I think I can still hear him!
Benoit: *Voice sounds distant and echoey* Hello? Can you hear me?
Matt: We can hear you, Benoit! Where are you?
Benoit: ...I think I'm somewhere beyond the glass ceiling...
Matt: Really? What's it like?
Benoit: ...Have you ever seen that movie: Tron?
Matt: No
Lita: No
Sound Guy: No
Cameraman: No
Lita: Yes....wait, I mean no.

Corkscrewed:

Orton: "Oh crap, Dave, you all right? I TOLD you Steph was a squirter!"


Chioda: "Okay, okay, Shawn, check this out. What did... the five fingers say... to the face?"
Michaels: "...not... the... time...!!!"
Chioda: *SMACK* "RICK JAMES, BITCH!!!!"

loopydate:

MATT: So...do you like my new oxstar pants?


LITA: I don't know about this, Vince.
VINCE: Nonsense, Lita. The Bride got herself out of a coffin. And you're a WAY better fighter than her!
LITA: Ow!
VINCE: What?
LITA: I just botched being inside a box...


REF: Hey! There's a hole in your head!
Poke
CHRIS: OW!
Poke
CHRIS: DAMMIT!
Poke
CHRIS (thinking): I almost miss Earl just arbitrarily ringing the bell.

Lamuella:

"Chris, I'm happy to see you too, but could you please get Mini-Jericho to stop hugging my leg?"


Kane decided to find out why HHH had liked humping that mannequin so much.

big_bluto:

HBK: Hey, baby.
Benoit: Stop it! I'm don't like you that way, Shawn.
HBK: But you're my special friend. Of course you do!
Benoit: HAVE YOU GOT A BONER?!!?!

Nowhere Man:

Unbeknownst to Orton, Edge sets up for his most devastating finisher yet: the Human Enema.


Hardy had seen a lot in his career, but even the Sensei of Mattitude was awed by the sheer majesty of Jericho Crossing the Delaware.


Christian and Tomko were getting ready for an intense showdown, when Jericho's infamous narcolepsy kicked up again.


The most bizarre tag team match comes to its conclusion when Benoit makes Shawn tap to the Crossface, and Mike Chioda simultaneously knocks out Steven Richards with a vicious karate chop.

Rock Bottom:

Tajiri shows Orton exactly why he is called the "Japanese Lovesaw."


Randy: Dave, what is it? What's wrong, Dave? Why is there Evolution Kool-Aid all over your mouth?
Dave: NO! Don't look at me! Just leave me alone! Stay back!
Randy: Oh my goodness... Your face... It's turning into Triple H's...
Dave: GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE... I can't stop it... I'm sorry Randy, I'm ab-... ab-... b-.... BUUUUUUUUUUAH.
Randy:


Meet Kane. A seven-foot monster of a wrestler, but he was lacking confidence in "other" areas. Choosing to do something about it, Kane began using our product. Now he's got a seven-foot monster of his own, finally getting a little respect from the locker room community.


In our next episode of Double Dragon, Billy Lee takes a huge heel turn when he joins Aboabo in attacking his brother, Jimmy Lee!

El Santo:

Rob Conway demonstrates to the viewers at home the incredible power of mitosis.


Rinka-dinka-doo! Ha-cha-cha!


Chris breaks down as Christian and Tomko tell him how much they HATED his YJ Stinger commercials.

gonMad00:

HHH: GOT MY NOSE!


SmackDOWN! [5-6-2004]
El Santo:

For one night, we should all salute Mrs. Guerrero, a brave woman who must live with the pain of a rosebush growing out her left shoulder.


Bradshaw, ever the Republican, schocks Mrs. Guerrero with his radical proposal to eliminate medicare.

M-A-G:

Cena was out to promote the effectiveness of his 'Hookt on Phonix' program.


'Taker, Texas Ranger was on the case again, this time hunting for a criminal in a late night rave party.


And really, who wouldn't be jealous of a penis shaped like John Cena?

Corkscrewed:

Chavo figured no one would EVER find his Cruiserweight push if he shoved it up his ass, but he didn't factor in Jacqueline's resourcefulness.


Chavo didn't like how Jacqueline had been taking blow job lessons from Lita.


That was the bad thing about this new Undertaker. He didn't sell your hugs either.


When all was said and done, Eddie stood tall in the Chair Bong Smoking Contest.

Vastardikai:

The latest Iraqi Prison Abuse picture was the most disturbing of all...

big_bluto:

Dawn-Marie: You f*ckin bitch! It was you that posted those photo's of me on TPWW!
Torrie: No, no, no, it wasn't me!
Dawn-Marie: It WAS you! And you didn't even have the decency to post up decent quality jpegs!
Torrie: It wasn't me, I swear!
Dawn-Marie: As if that wasn't enough, you cheap slutty bint, you didn't even have the common courtesy to airbrush my tits up!
Torrie: Take it from me - it's not worth it!

Credit also goes to his Life of Brian spoof. That was awesome.

Rock Bottom:

Cena: God damnit Lt. Dan, you are on my last nerves. Maybe I will leave you out here to die, you unappreciative asshole.


(8)Oompa, Loompa, Doompity-Doo, I've got a Texas Ranger for you(8)


When Vince told Torrie that they usually took care of operations to boost a Diva's "charisma," she went ahead and ordered herself a nosejob. Boy did she regret it.


Rene: Zat will teach you to wear ze same colors as me to a party, you beetch!


RVD: Ok, which one of you am I supposed to fight? The guy in blue, the guy in yellow camo, or the little guy with the big nose and the pipe?

Lamuella:

Cena realised that beating up the little WWE symbol had been a mistake when he came back with his two big brothers and a Frost Giant.


The fat kid in the suit looked solemn, but inside he cackled with glee. When the hired muscle was finished with them, those bullies would regret the day they called him Lardass.


With 'taker's help, Nunzio could see right into the sorority shower room. These photos would turn out great!


After being hit on the head once too often, Torrie earnestly believed that she was a little teapot, short and stout.


Renee Dupree proved his boast that "My penis is so big it has to wear jeans!"

loopydate:

TAKER: Somebody had to get the ref out of the ring. Then I noticed he was sitting on his sweet can. So I licked his sweet can. Ohhhh, just thinking about his can, I wish I had his sweet, sweet, s-s-s-sweet can.


VOICE: I'm... not... telling... you... anything... you... didn't... already... know!

thuganomicalcrippler:

"YOU WILL WATCH GIGLI!"


RAW [5-10-2004]
Head:

"Stone Cold...as your friends, we're worried about you. You've been wearing that wig for 6 weeks straight now. Please Steve, we wouldn't be confronting you about this if we didn't love you."

Nowhere Man:

Michaels knew he could take all of the referees without any trouble, but when they got the assistant janitors on their side, he had no choice but to back down.


The Cage Match was well on its way to becoming a classic, when suddenly Christian was assassinated by the notorious Mid-Card Sniper.

loopydate:

XIAN: I could have won by going out the door? Boy, is MY face red!

El Santo:

Evolution may have played the prank of the century, but they were hardly prepared for Shelton's fury after they'd stolen his pants.


HBK had no choice. He had to stop ... in the name of love!


Randy's victory was tarnished by the return of a gigantic Tammy Lynn Sytch.


Eric: "What's that you have behind your back?"
Regal: "The secret to pushing Eugene after his feud against Conway is over!"
Eric: "Brilliant!"
Regal: "Brilliant!"


Kane: "Sorry to bug you there, Matt ... Lita ... but, have either of you seen my other eye?"


Y2J: "Hey, Problem Solver! What's the square root of 58392?"
Tomko: "Uhhhhh..."


Until he saw the footage, Christian didn't understand why his mom would go into nervous convulsions from seeing his Gatorade ads.

Corkscrewed:

Triple H was doing well in the Spelling Bee Finals until he had to spell "credibility."


The spirit of competition is one thing, but pitting a blonde against an Asian in a calculus contest is just plain unfair.


Jericho dazzled the audience with his spectacular top cage moonwalking skills.

Vastardikai:

HBK was gonna have a hard time now that the prison guards have joined forces with the escaped Convicts.


William: I found a way to keep Eugene in line.
Eric: How's that?
Eugene: Hey, William, I've stuck my hands to my head again!
William: Let's just say that Rhyno owes me one...


Ref: 18, 298, 9, 234, 90, 69, 4, 29...
Christian: DAMMIT! I lost count! Now I have to start all over again!

Lamuella:

In an unannounced cross-promotional move, William Regal brought out the winner of this year's Survivor. And didn't she look lovely?

[Corkscrewed]

SmackDOWN! [5-13-2004]
Corkscrewed:

At this moment, D-Von thanked his lucky stars for TPWW and their ever-useful invisible crucifix gags.


"That's right, that's the person who stole my watch. He's also a homo."


It was a sad day when the Cruiserweight Title was defended by a woman who'd hardly been on TV the past year against a random drunken hobo in the middle of a field were people practiced Falon Gong.


Charles Robinson's aria didn't wow the pants off of Chavo Classic, so Jacqueline had to step in and do it manually.


Eddie knew he should be selling this more seriously, but how could you keep a straight face when you were being arrested by William Hung?

Vastardikai:

Ref: Bob, calm down. He's actually paid his dues.

PorkSoda:

Rey: This is how many people are going to order Judgement Day on Sunday to watch on Pay Per View


JBL: There he is! Lock him up inside his chambored door where the wolves go when they revive their roar! Put him high above the kitchen floor, where the baby stays for a midnight glore. Lock him away above the chambored door, make him squeel like nothing more, and lock him with Stephanie, that baby whore! Quote Bradshaw, nevermore.

trnbuckle:

D-Von tries for an RVD field goal.

Ferocious:

Booker: OMG that is the biggest shit I've ever seen
Guy in Crowd: No Booker thats Hardcore Holly

Sascha:

Guy In Crowd: Why did all the dinosaurs die?
Chavo: Because you touch yourself at night!!

Lamuella:

Booker regretted asking to see Sable without her makeup.


Cena realised that beating up a Yakuza member was a mistake, so tried the unconventional tactic of hiding behind his own hand.


It wasn't so much the amazing array of flips and swings that JBL and Rey did that was so impressive as the fact that they sang showunes in harmony as they did them.

El Santo:

It wasn't a pretty job, but SOMEONE had to help Quasimodo get dressed in the mornings.


What Kurt sees: Eddie Guerrero's bloodthirsty eyes. What Kurt doesn't see: Eddie Guerrero stealing his wallet.


Undertaker knew better, but --- dammit --- NO ONE in the world could resist the Everlasting Gobstopper.


JBL: "For the last time Eddie ... if you don't want to go to jail, then PULL MY GODDAMNED FINGER!!!"


Judgment Day
trnbuckle:

Sean? What are you still doing up there?

Vastardikai:

Mordecai was caught red handed in his attempt to steal a prop from the Judgement day backdrop.


And Undertaker wins the Dark Side Paper-Rock-Scissors Match.

Nowhere Man:

Unable to wrestlefull-time anymore, Kurt wows the audiences through other means, like shoving the microphone completely up his nose.


YOU.....SHALL NOT.....PASSSS!!!!!


Mordecai sure is an intimidating sight. A huge, powerful, zealous fanatic, who can hold his breath like nobody's business. Hear him. Fear him. Just don't poke his cheeks while he's doing that.


Ref: Put 'er there, pal!
Haas: I can't really do that right now. I'm in the middle of--
Ref: I said put 'er there, pal, and when I say put 'er there, you damn well better PUT 'ER ****ING THERE!!!!
Haas: Allright, allright!
*puts 'er there*


Bradshaw and Eddie entertain the fans by re-enacting every Steven Seagal movie ever.

Fryza:

Charles Robison proved he had more in common with Tony Danza than Torrie would have liked to known.


'Taker figured he could do a Spear better than Goldberg anyday of the week. He also figured wrong.


JBL was having that dream again. He was in a World title match when all of the sudden, his pants disappears.

Corkscrewed:

Rey REALLY didn't appreciate Bubba wearing his ass for a hat.


Deciding his Dead Cowboy look was a bit too stale, Undertaker decided to put Queen Amidala to shame with his own headdress.


Booker's "Rod stuck up your ass inspector" was off to a shaky start with Taker, but he was sure he'd find something once he got to Bradshaw.


Needless to say, after this incident, Bradshaw was fired by the American Red Cross.

gonMad00:

You can do anything to this referee... But if you dirty his shoes... you unleash hell.

MVP:

Eddie: "I'm an internet fan too essa! Do I look like a fat, out-of-shape wannabe?!"

Sascha:

Undertaker did not like being told he couldn't supersize

loopydate:

Burning crosses in the background... being lifted by a pasty white good ol' boy... Rey knew he wasn't in San Diego anymore.


Man! That is one hardcore noogie!


This was the last time Vince would let Quentin Tarantino book a pay-per-view main event.


RAW [5-17-2004]
HBK:

Matt: *choke* This would be a good time to *choke* remember your lines.

Fryza:

The Pro-Bush commercial aired on RAW seemed more frightening than planned.


Kane: You know, you look like this girl I once knew...her name was Katie...


Hunter: Get back guys, I'll take this one.

Corkscrewed:

Lita: "Wow! You did it! Teach me how to properly put away an EZ Fold Chair!!!"

Savior:

Randy: ok flair take the bling fold off.
*Flair takes it off*
Flair: What this isn't a bunch of women I can flash!
HHH: I know this is an intervention...

Always450:

JR: Bah Gawd! Trish LITERALLY tore off Lita’s head, broke a few ribs, insulted her parents, kicked her dog named Fluffy, shaved her pet gerbil, farted in her general direction, and gave her computer some horrible spy ware!
King: When I was wrestling, we called that a “chin lock...”


After this segment Kane suggested that the WWE hires a new beer man so mid-carders won’t get pegged when Kane is thirsty.


Coach: Don’t worry, you won’t remain a storyline tool forever.
Eugene: Really?
Coach: Yeah, really! Why, in a few weeks you’ll go over to SmackDown, turn heel, and main event at their next PPV.
Eugene: Can’t.
Coach: Why not?
Eugene: Bradshaw is already SmackDown’s retard.

El Santo:

Invisible Leprechaun: "You've done grand, lass! Now ya know what ya have ta do! BURN THE RING DOWN! Burn 'em ALL!!!!"


Gotta hand it to Kane: even after the Ebola virus had devoured half his face, he's still smiling.

Vastardikai:

Matt wondered which was worse: being choked with a chair, or Lita's hideously off-key rendition of "I Will Always Love You."


The Crossface hurt, but when Randy's freehand started punching him in the face, the Legend Killer knew his time was up.

thuganomicalcrippler:

Triple H: Ok, Val, you and Rosey get to work on taking my pants off. Randy, Ric, Dave, you guys will look on and gyrate suggestively. Chris, when the pants are down, do that thing that you did just before our Championship Match. Try and put more bite into it this time. Kane, you are going to be excused, once a day is enough. Rhyno, you're going to be the one who handles my ass cheeks and....why are you laughing?


RHYNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

loopydate:

Lita's matches have been known to create narcolepsy among wrestling fans. Including Lita.


KANE: So what's your answer?
LITA: Yesps.
KANE: What?
LITA: Yope.
KANE: I don't--
LITA: Yis! Yas! Yus!
MATT: (Choking to death) Jesus Christ, she even botches saying "Yes."


As the Evolution promo entered it's fourth day, the RAW locker room said "Enough!"


As the "Diesel" music hit, the fans knew that the last seven years were all one big, massive swerve!




SmackDOWN! [5-20-2004]
Corkscrewed:

Gandalf noted that the Balrog was a lot more impressive last time.


Chavo had mixed emotions. He'd just won the Cruiserweight Title, but was it really worth becoming a homo?


The bawling was plenty when both Cena and Dupree found out that Bananas in Pajamas had been cancelled.

thuganomicalcrippler:

When I find who put postage stamps on my head and tried to airmail me to Botchnia.......

El Santo:

Mordecai was shocked. He knew that the WWE was killing the Cruiserweight division, but didn't think they'd do it literally!


Chavo sighed. Once again, he loses his belt in an intense game of Rock-Paper-Scissors.


Renee: "Are you so disgusted by ... how you Americans say it ... my Supersize French fry?"


In the match of the night, Eddie takes on Antman.

gonMad00:

Gandalf: You should have killed me when you had the chances,CHARLES!!....
... wait a minute..

Lamuella

Cena and Dupree are told that they can't watch Yu Gi Oh until they finish their homework. They don't take it well.

Xero Limit126:

Seconds later, Shawn Michaels debuted on SmackDown, kicking the shit out of Funaki for calling God a homo...

loopydate:

The new WWE Pull-String Love Dolls had a tendency to be a little overzealous.


And now, we return to "WWE Midcarders Watching the Undertaker and Kane versus Kronik."


Yes, it was morphin' time, but...where was the rest of his costume?


EMT: Check this out, guys! (Deep voice) Eddie? It is not your time... You still have your three-month feud with Hardcore Holly and Billy Gunn to finish...

Kane Knight:

Mordeai's new finisher: the Showtune from Hell.


"OH MY GOD! IT VIBRATES!"

Sascha:

This is the last time Chavo Classic accepts favors from Fifi

[Corkscrewed]

RAW [5-24-3004]
Corkscrewed:

Vince's search for the next Cruiserweight champion was going well.


Bischoff entertains the RAW lockerroom by literally holding down Gary Coleman.

Kane Knight:

As Triple H waited for the ambulance, he cursed himself sitting in Rhyno's chair.


Now, Hurricane understood why they were called "Silent But Deadly."


Orton: Hey Chris.
Jericho: What?
Orton: Did you see Rhyno near my belt backstage?
Jericho: You're stuck, aren't you?


Hey trish! how do you keep a blonde in suspsense?
[insert same picture 10 more times]

gonMad00:

Rosie: Shane warned you! He said "stay in the back"! And look what happened?!

Lamuella:

"The following contest is scheduled for one fall. In the ring at this time is EDGE! And his opponent making his way to the ring, is a giant orange cat with glowing blue eyes!"


King and JR were unimpressed by Trish, even when she blew fire out of her nostrils.


Eugene was the winner of WWE's Biggest Tongue competition for the second month in a row. Suddenly he became much more popular with the womenfolk.


HHH finally knew the shame Janet Jackson had felt. Curse that Justin Timberlake!

Raising Kane:

No one in the back wanted to work with Tomko after he debuted his new move..."The Blowjob from Hell".

Savior:

HHH: I wanna go out there!
Orton: No Hunter you must stay in the back, There's a hurricane coming through.

El Santo:

Shelton tried to hold in his lunch when he realized that the old adage was true: white men really couldn't dance.

Always450:

Halfway through his Incredible Hulk transformation, Triple H sees the desert cart, and calms down.


Vince: Thank You, Fab 5! Your "Queer Eye" make over has done wonders for me!

cream:

REF: and thats what you get for making that stewardess touch your weiner!

big_bluto:

Welcome to Vince McMahons new and improved XXXFL, now featuring naked lesbian football players!


SmackDOWN! [5-27-3004]
Always450:

Paul: So this is where Vince puts gimmicks that go over too well?
Voice from urn: I'm not telling you anything you don't already know.

Kane Knight:

Though deep in the heart of Iraq, Heyman smiled. once he planted the weapons of Mass Destruction, it would all be over...

[Corkscrewed]

JUNE

SmackDOWN! [6-3-2004]
c4g2:

Heyman: *speaks to speaker* 1 small pepperoni, please...
Speaker: Mumble mumble telling mumble already mumble...
Heyman: Come again?
*taps the screen*
Speaker: I'm not telling you anything you don't already know.

loopydate:

PAUL: For the last damned time, these are not the droids you're looking for!

Kane Knight:

When Heyman challenged the Dudleyz to make an impact, he didn't mean for them to sign up with NWA-TNA...


RAW [6-7-2004]
Corkscrewed:

Orton further cements his status as a heel when by stealing Shawn's smile...

loopydate:

Let's read everyone's thoughts...
RANDY: Okay, take careful aim. Line up the shot. Swivel the hips, and swing the belt. Easy. You're not going to miss...
RIC: Ah, holding the brother down. This takes me back.
DAVE: [Crickets chirping]
SHELTON: Wow! I could be the next African-American Intercontinental Champion! I could join the elite ranks of Ahmed Johnson, and...uh...


EDGE: Hmm... Maybe if I allowed people to know more, they might actually know me instead of just thinking they know me...


Coachman pinched himself. This had to be a dream. Here he was, in a public place, surrounded by retards, uppity Brits, idiot rednecks, and what had to be a 1930s gangster.

PorkSoda:

Randy: Come on Shelton, read the title. Who's name is printed on it? What does it say?
Shelton: Made In Tawaiin.
Randy: What?

Vega:

REF: Maybe next time you will listen when I tell you to stay in the back, Albert.

Nowhere Man:

The Michaels/Triple H feud was heated enough, but things finally reached the breaking point when Hunter brought that paintball gun to the ring.


Compared to "The Game," "The Legend Killer," and especially "The Nature Boy," being hailed "The Disco King" just isn't quite as cool.


HBK took particular offense when Orton accused him of foul play the day he helped Marty jump through that window.


Michaels was in charge of bringing the furniture to the Evolution Mass Suicide. Unfortunately, he showed up a little late.


What's that? Egad! A comet is about to hit the Earth! Chris Benoit, AWAAAAAAAYYYY!!!!!

Fryza:

Benoit: You sure this will work?
Edge: Trust me, the beached whale is the most feared animal alive.


HBK: OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED EVERYONE! IT'S LIKE A HOLOCAUST! DAVE, DAVE, SPEAK TO ME!
Dave: ...huh..wha..
*HBK slams the chair onto Dave, sending him unconscience*
HBK: DAVE, SPEAK TO ME!

Loose Cannon:

Rock: You didn't happen to see my newest movie did you?
Girl: No
Rock: Me neither.


Benoit: Why are we fighting again?
Kane: Cause I'm in love with Lita
Benoit: Wait, What?

Always450:

Chris Benoit was faced with a hard task tonight… but it was worth it… All he had to do was find who stole Sylvain’s and Rob’s pants, and he could have the titles.


HBK seriously takes a moment to question his faith when the stigmata sets in…

Mayo:

Now the answer to the long pondered question "What happens when The Hulk has an orgasm?".

Joey Radd:

"Who put the dead horse in the ring?"

gonMad00:

Benoit: DAMN YOU, KAL-EL!!
:flies into crystal prison and floats away for eternity:

Kane Knight:

Evolution tries to recreate the "Bradshaw Shower Scene."


SmackDOWN! [6-10-2004]
Always450:

Nick: No! Chavo! Don’t do it! I don’t want the spoilers!
Chavo: But I must find out who he is!
Rey: For the last time I’m NOT Spiderman!


Bradshaw botches eating.


The ref was relatively unimpressed with the debut of the “Little Under Two Minute Warning.”

Savior:

Shit I locked my keys in the car.

Kane Knight:

Layfield's contract stated that his push only lasted as long as his stock tips earned money.


"John, you're down by fifty-three points. Why not just give up?"


Heyman: That's funny. When the kids on TV scream "It's Morphin' Time!" it always seems to work.

Innovator

I know Rey likes to interact with the fans, but jumping into a fan's arms is just too much


Undertaker does a killer "Loose Cannon meeting Randy Orton" impression

Corkscrewed:

At the time of his despicable actions in Munich, Bradshaw could never have anticipated the fury of Jewish Romaine Lettuce everywhere.

OR

Cameraman: "Dammit Bradshaw! Didn't I tell you not open the door to peek at the salad dressing???"

Always450:

Chavo Jr: Dad, are you SURE it vibrates?

Bricktop:

After years of wasted pushes, Vince finally learns his lesson; you can't fix a broken wrestler that someone else threw out. Bradshaw was then returned to the dumpster in which Vince found him.

big_bluto:

Rey thought the guy in the front row with the white T-shirt was ready to catch him, so it came as a huge surprise to learn that he was actually doing Lemmings II impressions.

XeroLimit126:

Taker's druids had been out of work since March... They were desperate for work, but didnt expect to carry the debuting Kenzo through the match...


The fridge at Pee Wee's Playhouse didnt take too kindly to Bradshaw's actions...


Dupree was pissed... He KNEW Cena was out by a mile a way... But the ref thought otherwise...

PorkSoda:

Paul Heyman: Wow! A Chartaker! Go Pokeball!

Mayo:

The ancient centennial sacrifice of the best Japanese warrior to the alien spaceship was about to commence.


Bradshaw microwaves his salad for a few seconds to make it soggier, but he should have taken the metal fork out first.

Alienoid06:

Kenzo Suzuki's gimmick of being proud of his Japanese cultural roots was fine, until the WWE brought in the new Japanese tactical assault planes complete with optical neautralising lasers, and "Goku" fired a Spirit Bomb into the crowd.


Bad Blood
Always450:

The dual spinaroonie contest was tragic to say the least.


Dave: Hey Trips… Ric and I have something to tell you…
HHH: What is it?
Ric: Well… We… like you….
HHH: That’s cool. I like you two also.
Dave: No… We like, like you.
HHH: …
Ric: This just got awkward, didn’t it?
HHH: Yep.


HBK: Well, I’ve lost my smile… HHH is going to go back to feud with whoever in the hell has the world title, and I’m going to hide in the cave of solitude… So you in three months!

gonMad00:

The girls couldn't understand it. Why was Jessica Simpson there and why did she continously ask why is it a Chicken Wing if there are no chickens.

Nowhere Man:

Kane didn't take it too well when he found out Edge hadn't been flossing.


Right in the middle of the Women's Title match, Mike Chioda heard a transmission from the Alliance Fleet, and jumped to hyperspace to help the Rebel fighters at Endor.


Eugene's gimmick took a turn for the worse when Vince decided that a wrestling retard wouldn't draw, but a wrestling retarded zombie would.


Michaels was pissed that WWE cut costs and only built the top three feet of the cage for their match. More impressive, though, was the fact that they were able to keep it in the air like that.
HBK: Just how the hell are they doing that?
Benoit: Ancient Canadian secret....*snickers*


In retrospect, both men should have realized it was a bad idea to have shoot match with Jericho.

loopydate:

Shelton and Randy's interpretive dance, while appreciated by purists, left the masses scratching their heads.


RHYNO (backstage):


When people talked about Vince requiring Benoit to jump through hoops to retain the title, I don't think this is what they had in mind.


P.A.: This is not a drill! The bottom has fallen out of the cage! Sean O'Haire is loose! Repeat, Sean O'Haire is loose!


The Supernovakick gets 'em every time.

Corkscrewed:

Eugene had this match won until Coach summoned up his powers and hit the Static Shock.


That's weird, Shawn thought, usually the glass ceiling is invisible...

Kane Knight:

That was the last time anyone would cut in front of Kane at Space Mountain...

big_bluto:

HHH, The Game, The Cerebral Assasin, meant it when he warned Shawn that he was going to 'Fuck With His Head'

[Corkscrewed]

RAW [6-14-2004]
Back Stabbbed:

Benoit does his George Bush/pretzel impression.


Lita: Lets see - Means no baby. + means baby. = means hand.

Mayo:

Once the centaur got onto its back, it was really tough to get upright again.


Wow, the Repo Man really let himself go.

Raising Kane:

The first annual WWE Twister Tournament ended in disaster when Stacy’s boot got caught in Gail’s hair and in retaliation Gail decided to remove Stacy’s head.


To make sure the wrestlers were well rested for their matches, the WWE instituted a mandatory afternoon nap.

Krow:

The writers grew tired of S.H.I.T., but were certain that Rosey's new S.C.A.T. gimmick would go over well.

big_bluto:

Mike: What's this one called.
Flair: Here it's called a blowjob. Backstage it's called a main-event push!

Corkscrewed:

The first ever Rocky Horror Picture Show Match was a resounding success.


Tragedy struck when Flair Tony Danza'ed Benoit.

Always450:

Rosey: W-O-R-M!


Another victim of hearing Vince’s logic for pushing JBL.


Chris: So Ric, do you promise not to make people touch your no-no zone?
Ric: Hell no!
Ref: *SMACK!*
Chris: Let’s try this again… Do you promise not to make people touch your no-no zone?


SmackDOWN! [6-17-2004]
El Santo:

Trying yet again to show that they can make an impact, Bubba Ray --- the new World's Strongest Man --- tows the entire wrestling ring backstage.


The Mafia delivers a warning to their nemesis, Count Dracula.

Innovator:

Rey: STOP!
*Rey stops in mid-air*
Rey:....Hammer time!


Rey Mysterio, new "find the cream filling" champion

MVP:

Eddie: "You can't wrestle for shit essa!"
Bradshaw: "Hey wrestling is just as easy as tieing a tie."


Taker was furious when he found out that Paul Heyman stole his eyebrows.

Kane Knight:

The Bashams' initiations had become increasingly bizarre.


The WWE's rendition of Peter Pan flopped when Dupree learned he couldn't fly after all.

Edge:

Spike: Kenzo, I have something to tell you
Kenzo: Mysterio?
SPike: I have been sleeping with your wife
Kenzo: MYSTERIO !!!!!
Spike: Honestly, can you stop with the MYSTERIO please
Kenzo: Mysterio?

big_bluto:

This is what happens when you break Kayfabe. The coffin should never have talked!

Corkscrewed:

Uncle Sam's Extreme Makeover was spectacular, to say the least.


Bradshaw: "'Word life, this is basic shrubanomics?' What the heck is that supposed to mean???"

Cooler Tom Schuler:

"I've got more talent in my finger than...wait, nevermind, there it goes."


In an amazing moment, three different fans came up with great ideas at the same time.

parkamania:

Suzuki: Hold your head up and PROJECT! Now, once again...
Spike: BanZAAAAAII!
Suzuki: Better.


RAW [6-21-2004]
Always450:

Trish: Hey Victoria, I’m cold… Why don’t you warm me up?
Victoria: Sorry Trish, ever since I lost the hot psycho gimmick I’ve also lost my heat.


“When it comes crashin’ down and it hurts inside! Dun dun dun du nu nu nu! You gotta take a stand it don’t help to hide!!! Dun dun dun du… what do ya mean the camera is on?”


She meant to kiss Matt’s little boo-boo on his finger tip.
She ended up biting it off.


When breast feeding goes horribly wrong.


Moments after this shot was taken Lita leanred NOT to stand too close to someone who who is about to do a spinaroonie.

Vega:

Then Matt realized. They hadn't had sex yet!


That was the last time Benoit and Eugene would play musical chairs with Triple H.

Corkscrewed:

Trish puts male wrestlers everywhere to shame by kicking out so hard Victoria actually flips


Everyone agreed it was sweet of Tazz to want to do something special to welcome Regal back to the active roster, but unleashing his battle aura wasn't what most had in mind.


This was digusting. I mean, pretending to be his friend was bad enough, but did Triple H really have to convince Eugene that he was Barney?

El Santo:

Rock: "Let me ask you this, Orton: Where the hell are the Rock's $500 shirts?"


The Rock would have stayed longer, but it was League Night, and his bowling team wouldn't take "no" for an answer.


Arrived at ring. Accidentally stepped in path of oncoming marathon. Kane have bad day.

Mayo:

Security: Show us where you saw the escaped prisoner hiding.
Rock: Okay follow me... O'Haire's not really dangerous, right?


Regal: They still haven't found that O'Haire? This siren is getting bloody annoying!


Ref: Inigo Montoya, I'm sorry to tell you that your father is dead.
Kane: Where is the six fingered man???


Macaulay Culkin has a new look for his latest movie 'Home Alone 10: Lost At The Strip Club'.

Raising Kane:

Kane was unimpressed with Regal's impersonation of Al Wilson.

#1-wwf-fan:

IT'S PRONOUNCED LA-SHAY! NOT LATCH-EY, NOT LACK-EY... LA-SHAY!!!

big_bluto:

Matt: Lita, I'm starting to get sick of telling you!
Lita: Sorry, Matt.
Matt: If you're gonna wear mens trousers, you have to do up the zipper!
Lita: Sorry, Matt.
Matt: And stop saying Sorry Matt every 2 seconds!
Lita: Sorry, Matt. Dammit, I wasn't meant to say Sorry, Matt, was I? Sorry, Matt......Dammit!
Matt: Do you know what I have in my hand here?
Lita: Is it a ring, Matt?
Matt: No, it's a clue! Get one!
Lita: Sorry, Matt.
Matt:


SmackDOWN! [6-24-2004]
gonMad00:

Luther: I didn't know that one wasn't marsh--
Angle: AAHHH! You know I could only afford one--ahh..

The Critic:

The storm, dubbed "Hurricane Hunter," seemed to go straight for the cruiserweights as it began its path of destruction...


The Abominable Snowman was pissed. Where WAS the cream filling?

Coldwaver:

Turns out someone had covered the 'buckle with cocaine...


Heyman laughs sinisterly: he had just stolen the plans to make the world's first working TIE fighter.


Gimme back the last five commandments, you bastard!!!


Do not make fun of Yu-gi-oh in front of Kenzo.

Savior:

Mordecai: Your talent is mine!......Thats funny I don't feel any different.

Corkscrewed:

Tension mounted as the staring contest between Jamie Noble and Jimmy the Flea reached its ninth hour.


Well, the ref HAD wanted to know if Kenzo smoked after sex...


Kurt: "WAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Bring them back!!!"
Luther: "I'm sorry! I didn't *mean* to tape over your Powerpuff Girl episodes!"


Renee: "Mon dieu! So ZIS is where Zach Gowen's other leg has bien!"


"Dammit Holly. When I say you shall not pass, you DON'T! FUCKING! PASS!!!"

Always450:

And somewhere out there some pimp is standing on the corner, wondering where the hell his ride is.

c4g2:

The search for Paul Bearer continues.


Eddie: Shit! I shouldn't have backed England to win!


Worst. Gore. Ever.

Bo:

Being the rebel as always Cena refused to be like the ref and Undertaker by not following the instructions on the sign behind them.
ver:
...actually, Cena was just the only one smart enough to realize that the sign didn't say "Simon Says."


Venue Owner: What the hell did he do to the Zamboni?!?!?!

Krypton Knight:

Luther felt absolutely awful about accidentally giving Kurt some 'Kevin Nash Kool-Aid' before the match.


Kenzo: "I did it, for The Rock."

[Corkscrewed]

The Great American Bash
The Naitch:

Apparently, Paul Bearer is not a big fan of oatmeal

Tornado:

Eddie: "Oh crap..the Jedi's are really going to feel this one"

Corkscrewed:

Rey Mysterio: yet another victim of Kevin Kool-Aid.


Torrie: "Oooh, Funaki, are you checking out my ass? Teehee!"
Funaki: "Yeah, I figure that's where your acting skills come from..."


Even though he was in the middle of a match, Billy Gunn couldn't resist calling for a martini--shaken, not stirred.


Billy: "Hey, c'mon! *punch* Can't ya just lemme *punch* pass? *punch* Pleeeeeeease??? *twack*"


Offscreen: "But Paul! The oatmeal will help lower your cholesterol!"
Bearer: "LOWER cholesterol? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"


After Eddie lost the title and reverted back to alcholism, the writers took the hint and had him unveil his new gimmick: Ed "The Extra-Long Garden Snake" Guerroberts.

gonMad00:

Mordecai: Pull my finger,Sean.
O'Haire: I'm not telling you any-
Mordecai: I didn't ask for a psalm! Pull it!

Raising Kane:

Chavo didn't think it would be THIS hard to help Rey figure out how to do a cartwheel.


I wonder what this lever does... oh shit.
*whistles as he walks away*

Always450:

That was a lot more impressive when Vader did it.


Chavo: One week you’re Spider Man, and the next week you’re the Silver Surfer! Who are you?


JBL: FOR THE LAST TIME I AM NOT A NAZI! THE FUEHRER WILL HAVE YOUR HEAD FOR THAT!


The red cross feels awfully silly for giving JBL a second chance at his job with the blood bank.


Taker: AND THAT’S FOR STEALING MY FUGGIN’ CREAM FILLING!!!


Belty:NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!


RAW [6-28-2004]
Corkscrewed:

Hunter: "That's right! If you join the Nazi party, we'll make YOU the next WWE Champion in two months!"
Eugene: "Yay!"


Batista: "Randy? You okay? I told you not to try Lita's version of a drop kick!"


The Great Donut Scramble was one of the all-time classic segments on RAW.


Eugene: "My wrist's a homo?"
Regal: "No, that man's a homo!"
Brock Lesnar: "Homos? KILLLLLLLLLLLL!!!"


Eugene demonstrates his "Brock Lesnar meeting a homosexual internet geek" impression.


"Heh heh heh... nothing better than some cream filling with a glass of Evolution Kool-Aid!"


A bitter referee Mike Chioda had the company logo tattooed on his anus so that everytime his boyfriends were around, they could fuck the WWE.


Benoit: "If I'm getting buried next month, I'm taking you down with me!!!"
Kane: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

Always450:

Jericho: Come on Ref! Clean pin here! Trying to restore my credibility!
Ref: Be quite Chris! Lassie is trying to tell me something! What’s that girl… Jimmy is stuck in a burning well? LET’S GO!

gonMad00:

Jericho Ranger : COME! LIONZORD ACTIVATE!


Bearer: Um..guys?..hello? I'm still here...

Raising Kane:

His reply to the casual forum “Post your orgasm face” thread…

Mayo:

Batista: Randy, get up. You don't have to try so hard, you are already almost identical to The Rock.
Orton: If I could just get this nip up thing right...


HHH: Now listen Eugene, you have the grip down perfectly, but thats not what I told you to play with.
Regal:

[Corkscrewed]

APRIL'S MOST POPULAR CAPTIONS:
Fryza:

Scotty: IT'S MORPHING TIME!

Savior:

JR: ROCK BOTTOM!

Rock Bottom:

Triple H: I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THIS CRAP. Unbelievable. How DARE you have leaves greener than my face.
Tree: ...
Triple H: Look at me when I'm talking to you, you jobbing piece of shit.

loopydate:

GAIL: As the future World Women's Champion, I encourage you from time to time - and always in a respectful manner - to critique my matches. If you're unconvinced that a particular move I've used is the wisest, tell me so, but allow me to convince you and I promise you right here and now, no subject will ever be taboo. Except, of course, the subject that was just under discussion. The price you pay for bringing up the fact that I'm a Canadian being announced as "from Korea" as a negative is - I collect your ****ing arm. Just like this ****er here. Now, if any of you botchtastic bitches got anything else to say, NOW'S THE ****ING TIME! I didn't think so.


MAY'S MOST POPULAR CAPTIONS:
Kane Knight:

"OH MY GOD! IT VIBRATES!"

Savior:

HHH: I wanna go out there!
Orton: No Hunter you must stay in the back, There's a hurricane coming through.

loopydate:

VOICE: I'm... not... telling... you... anything... you... didn't... already... know!

Nowhere Man:

YOU.....SHALL NOT.....PASSSS!!!!!


JUNE'S MOST POPULAR CAPTIONS:
loopydate:

P.A.: This is not a drill! The bottom has fallen out of the cage! Sean O'Haire is loose! Repeat, Sean O'Haire is loose!

Corkscrewed:

Eugene demonstrates his "Brock Lesnar meeting a homosexual internet geek" impression.

Back Stabbed:

Lita: Lets see - Means no baby. + means baby. = means hand.

loopydate:

EDGE: Hmm... Maybe if I allowed people to know more, they might actually know me instead of just thinking they know me...

Always450:

Bradshaw botches eating.


Caption of the Year Qualifiers:
Loose Cannon:

Kurt, "Wow, what's this golden box"
Heyman, "Well that's where Vince keeps his buried gimmicks. Go ahead Dawn, open her up."
Voice from Box, "I'm not telling you anything you don't already know."

Rock Bottom:

Benoit: TAP OUT TRIPLE H!
Triple H: NEVER! Why in the HELL would I job the gold to you cleanly at Mania and sell that weak move!? I AM THE GAME!
Benoit: Look Triple H. A spider on the mat right under your right hand!
Triple H: OMG KILL IT! KILL IT! I AM AFRAID OF SPIDERS! (Pounding the mat profusely)

Kane Knight:

"OH MY GOD! IT VIBRATES!"

loopydate:

P.A.: This is not a drill! The bottom has fallen out of the cage! Sean O'Haire is loose! Repeat, Sean O'Haire is loose!

Sascha:

You mean there's a whole OTHER roster to be buried???\

Savior:

JR: ROCK BOTTOM!

Rock Bottom:

Triple H: I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THIS CRAP. Unbelievable. How DARE you have leaves greener than my face.
Tree: ...
Triple H: Look at me when I'm talking to you, you jobbing piece of shit.

Corkscrewed:

Holly: "Stupid. Chair. Dammit... Easy-Fold my ass!"

Savior:

HHH: I wanna go out there!
Orton: No Hunter you must stay in the back, There's a hurricane coming through.

Back Stabbed:

Lita: Lets see - Means no baby. + means baby. = means hand.

[Corkscrewed]

*whew! updated through all of SmackDOWN! last thursday! I got the thread at exactly 15000 characters!

[Corkscrewed]

Updated through SD! 4.15.2004

[Savio]

Wait what does the blue mean?

[Rock Bottom]

Caption of the Month canditate.

[Savio]

Woof!

[Corkscrewed]

Updated through SD! of this week (my second batch not included... so pick my best ones BITCHES!!!)

[Corkscrewed]

Updated through April. Please vote for Caption of the Month.

Thanks to Savior for saving CotM!

[Savio]

Yes I beleive that means I give the honorary 5 point lead right?

[Corkscrewed]

Give the five point lead? Sure. In fact, give them to me.

[Corkscrewed]

Updated through RAW 5/3 and SD! 5/6. We also have our first CotM nomination. If there are any other ones that people feel should be, go ahead and suggest them.

[Corkscrewed]

Updated through last week's RAW and SmackDOWN!

I just browsed through the archive and I realized that two of our very popular running gags, the invisible crucifix and the Sean O'Haire in a cage, were both done on the January 5th episode of RAW.

Just thought that was interesting.

[Savio]

No smack down! pics

[Azriel]

I know. wassupwitdat?

Oh, btw, Cork, I feel honored that I finally got some of my captions on here. You rock.

[Corkscrewed]

Vote for May Caption of the Month!!!

[FourFifty]

I gotta be honest. Take off my caption with Paul Haymen holding the urn. I just realized that someone else did that joke a few months ago with the gimmicks that go over to well in the golden box. It's not my joke, but as pleased as I am to be one of the two people to get a caption for the SmackDown without pics, I can't take credit.

[Back Stabbed]

Thread: Update me corky.....please![/high voice]

[FourFifty]

Originally Posted by Back Stabbed Thread: Update me corky.....please![/high voice]

Ha! Two vs One! Now you HAVE to update it, so

Seriously, thanks for all your hard work with this, you are the man, and I'm NOT saying that to kiss ass so some of my lame captions can be posted

I finally have a caption mentioned by Corky in June!!!

I love you Corky

[Corkscrewed]

caught up through last Monday! *phew!*

[Savio]

Originally Posted by Corkscrewed RAW [6-14-2004] Back Stabbbed: Benoit does his George Bush/pretzel impression. Lita: Lets see - Means no baby. + means baby. = means hand.

Wooo I got 2 up there.

[Corkscrewed]

Oops... musta been a mistake. Gotta go take those too off..

[Gone Mad]

I have to point a mistake. The last Bad Blood pic is not mine (I wish it was,it was funny as hell) about "f*cking with you head".Credit must be giving to original poster.

[FourFifty]

Originally Posted by Nowhere Man In retrospect, both men should have realized it was a bad idea to have shoot match with Jericho.

Originally Posted by loopydate P.A.: This is not a drill! The bottom has fallen out of the cage! Sean O'Haire is loose! Repeat, Sean O'Haire is loose!

Okay, let's not fool anyone... Caption of the month is gonna be a one on one race. Alas, I shall never win.

[Savio]

Originally Posted by Always450 Okay, let's not fool anyone... Caption of the month is gonna be a one on one race. Alas, I shall never win.

:foc:

Lita: Lets see - Means no baby. + means baby. = means hand.

[Mayo]

I'm honored to be nominated

Thanks for the recognition Cork. There are so many better captions than mine. I bow down to the usual caption suspects Corky, Nowhere Man, El Santo, Kane Knight, and Loopydate. These guys are great week after week.

[Cooler Tom Schuler]

Shameless bump.

[Corkscrewed]

Gotcha catch up... don't worry Tom, I'll get you in, along with a horde of others. Last week and this week's SD! caps have been amazing. Raw was good, but the SD! caps were like.. platinum.

[Corkscrewed]

updated through post #20 of SD! 6/24 captions

[Raising Kane]

Pssst

The Macaulay Culkin one was Mayo's not mine.

[Mayo]

Originally Posted by Raising Kane Pssst The Macaulay Culkin one was Mayo's not mine.

Thanks for the credit, RK. Any ordinary woman would have taken all of the glory for herself