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Old 04-13-2004, 03:01 PM   #1
Sephiroth
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RAW Captions 4/12/04
Still no photo's on wwe.com, so play with this untill the other captions come in.



HBK: Like those pants are so out!
Benoit: pff...and what about man with long hair!
HHH: Yeah, like i know what you mean....wait WTF Long Hair, I got long hair!, you are so going to job at Backlash!


You're just a puppet...
You don't have a heart...
You can't feel any pain.
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Old 04-13-2004, 03:04 PM   #2
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Triple H: One blowjob, one blowjob, hayabayabaybayba Do I hear one blowjob, haybayabblahblahblah.
Michaels: One blowjob!
Triple H: Two blowjobs, two blowjobs! Do I hear two blowjobs! Hybabayababablahblah.
Benoit: Two blowjobs.
Triple H: Haybahaba two blowjobs, do I hear three blowjobs and your soul? Going once... Going twice... Erm, Shawn?
Michaels: ...Sorry, my soul belongs to Jesus.
Triple H: ...Sold... Benoit retains.
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Old 04-13-2004, 04:36 PM   #3
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Benoit: Ohhh that was great
HBK: I know you were awesome
HHH: Hey come on guys you said you would invite me
HBK: well you were with steph
Benoit:...and vince
*laughter*
HHH: I stopped remember!
Benoit: you can join us, I'll be on bottom
HHH thinks: "All is going to plan"
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Old 04-13-2004, 04:44 PM   #4
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Suddenly, the second part of HHH's deal with the devil for his soul came true when his request of having Benoit and HBK to himself, naked, in the middle of the ring became fulfilled.
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Old 04-13-2004, 06:26 PM   #5
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To reaffirm how hardcore he was, Mick Foley ate an entire Shards o' Glass popsicle and still came back for more.


"Smurf... getting... angry!!!"


There was something oddly familiar about finding himself pantsless and in the ring with a big sweaty male wrestler...


Kane didn't take kindly to Brian Christopher pulling the chair from under him and then throwing it away.

OR

The match stalled when Sexay found Kane transfixed on a shiny silver dollar.


Grandmaster may have been about to be abducted by aliens, but that didn't stop Kane from giving him one last final wedgie!

OR

"Aliens! So THAT'S where you've been all these years!"


Regal: "Hello, Trish my dear! I'm training Eugene here in the ways of the authority-figure-who-feuds-with-the-other-authority-figure. Therefore, may you kindly stand right there while Eugene here gives you a royal shiny and hten pushes you into that pile of scrap metal?"


"Yousa ah homo!"

OR

Tajiri possessed the unique ability to turn his fingers into the legs of a miniature marathon runner.


In the Director's Cut of The Last Samurai, eager Tom Cruise haters can get to see what REALLY happened to the leading actor at the end of the film.


The WWE sank to a new low when they had Tajiri literally scalp Al Snow with his teeth.


Sinbad wasn't too pleased when he finally found out that he was a washed up hack who never was that funny.


Here we see Lita botch standing up, as she is forced to grab the ropes for support.


The Order of the Teeny Bopper Girls' Idols found Lita to be an incompetent person for girls everywhere to try to imitate and thus sent Britney Spears to assassinate her.


Fans were mystified when Trish was struck with Rick James Syndrome and began slapping herself.


Jericho: "Ah crap, even CHRISTIAN gets to hold me down?"


This was going to be a long and difficult procedure, but maybe--just maybe--the ref could manage to get Jericho's head unstuck from Christian's back.


Trish: "And that's for not paying $50 for last Friday night!"
Jericho: "$50? Dammit! I just remembered I could have saved that much by switching to Geico!!"


To further Eugene's chances, the writers gave him his very own stable.


The Triple H effect was really starting to get to Edge.
"YOU CALL THAT SPREADING YOUR LEGS???? I'VE SEEN BETTER SPREADS ON BUTTERED TOAST!!!"


(Geez Hurricane just looks weird in that outfit without a shirt...)
When the son of Predator came into the ring, Grenier knew it was time to get the hell out of there.


Rob was touched. Eugene was offering him his very own Funzo!
Meanwhile, in the background, the ref does the Bart Dance.


Hurricane should have know better than to try this move on Sylvian "Armpit Chomper" Grenier.


Eugene: "You... you... you mean the Easter Bunny isn't real?"
Regal: "No, he's not sunshine."
Eugene: "And Santa Claus... he's fake too?"
Regal: "That's true."
Eugene: "So all the people I've ever been taught to believe in... like Satan... they're all fake?"
Regal: "Actually, Vince is just in his office right now..."
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Old 04-13-2004, 06:29 PM   #6
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From the other thread.



The old "Head" gimmick had come back to haunt Al Snow.



Eugene: You mean wrestling isn't real?
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Old 04-13-2004, 06:32 PM   #7
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After this incident, Evolution made it a point not to have their Bean Burrito Fiestas right before matches.


Mick: "Hey Earl! Ring the bell! Chris is from Atlanta and Hunter is from near Canada!"
Earl: "Okay." DING DING DING!
Benoit: "Suckers..."


Flair would have finished Shelton off if his bunions hadn't chosen this precise moment to flair up.


Orton: "I'll never let go, Hunter! I'll never let go!"
Hunter: "For the last time, you're not getting beyond the upper midcard while I'm still wrestling!"


Like everyone else, Michaels was confused as to why Orton was trying WAY too hard to walk thuggish.


Michaels never could wait until they got to the back to cop a feel.


The main eventers weren't pleased when Tommy Dreamer, pantser extraordinaire, made his presence felt.
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Old 04-13-2004, 06:39 PM   #8
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Instead of typical silk webbing, the Foley spider would wrap its prey in barbwire before eating it.


Kane had warned the Blue Meanie to stand back when his pyro went off.


Sexay pleaded with Kane to let him finish his third lunch before the match continued.


Kane does his best Slingblade impression.


Kane desperately tried to save Grandmaster Sexay from being sucked up into the UFO.


Eugene: I wanna go on that ride, daddy!
Regal: Me too, son. Me too.


Realizing that the WWE fans were weak-minded, Tajiri used the Jedi Mind Trick to get over.


Al Snow regretted the Tequila drinking contest with Eddie Guerrero earlier on.


Tajiri proved once and for all to be the champion of Truth or Dare when he removed A-Train's thong with his teeth.


Coach: Go back to England! And tell them Scotland is free!


Only a dumb bitch like Lita could botch grabbing a target as huge as Trish's breasts.


Lita was wracked in pain. Trish's nipples were hitting the pressure points in her back.


Trish had become so starved over time from vomitting after every meal, that she began to eat her own body parts.


Trish: Don't you ever say that my man's penis looks like an Ostrich head ever again, bitch. *SLAP*


When the ref saw Christian absorb Jericho's soul, he knew it was time to take a stance. MORTAL KOMBAT!


Jericho: Ughhh... Head hurts... Where am I?
Trish: On your back, in the middle of the ring...
Jericho: That's the last time I say, "There's no place like home," when having a nightmare.


Eugene had baffled La Resistance by explaining the scientific makeup of the fabric of reality by means of idiot savaunt.


Edge was the new Terminator sent by Austin to bury the talent, that would explain why his finger-morphing weapon was done with the middle finger.


Hurricane had body odor that would make even a Frenchman cower.


Eugene: Will you pet my teddybear?
(Strange ticking sound coming from the bear)


Hurricane underwent the tryouts for joining La Resistance.


Eugene: (Crying) It's ruined!
Regal: Well, Eugene, I'm terribly sorry my dear boy. But you have to admit. That bear was more fluffy and cuddly than Triple H.


Flair: *FARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT*
Triple H: Hah, that's nothing, check THIS out... BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAH.

Crowd: Ho-ly shit! Ho-ly shit! Ho-ly shit!


Foley: *Sigh* Oh no. Not you too, Chris.


JR: BAH GAWD! FLAIR IS LITERALLY URINATING ALL OVER CHARLIE HAAS!
King: Woohoo, puppies!


The ref decided to let this one slide, as Orton was not giving leverage to Triple H for the abdominal stretch. It turned out Triple H was giving leverage to Orton to help him take a shit.


While Cena saw miniature versions of ECW champions on his shoulder when he had to make a decision, it's apparent that Michaels saw up-and-coming stars before screwing a Canadian in their hometown.


When Triple H passed out in the ring, Michaels knew exactly what to do to get him back up...


Triple H: One blowjob, one blowjob, hayabayabaybayba Do I hear one blowjob, haybayabblahblahblah.
Michaels: One blowjob!
Triple H: Two blowjobs, two blowjobs! Do I hear two blowjobs! Hybabayababablahblah.
Benoit: Two blowjobs.
Triple H: Haybahaba two blowjobs, do I hear three blowjobs and your soul? Going once... Going twice... Erm, Shawn?
Michaels: ...Sorry, my soul belongs to Jesus.
Triple H: ...Sold... Benoit retains.
Last edited by Rock Bottom; 04-13-2004 at 07:41 PM.
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Old 04-13-2004, 07:35 PM   #9
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Kane knew he should've taken Wonka's warnings seriously.


Tajiri tries his death grip on Evolution....



Only to blow up the TitanTron instead




HHH: Ok...let's flip a coin for who wins at Backlash...Heads I win...tails you lose
HBK& Benoit: Ok.....hey, wait!
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Old 04-13-2004, 07:43 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rock Bottom
[img]

Triple H: One blowjob, one blowjob, hayabayabaybayba Do I hear one blowjob, haybayabblahblahblah.
Michaels: One blowjob!
Triple H: Two blowjobs, two blowjobs! Do I hear two blowjobs! Hybabayababablahblah.
Benoit: Two blowjobs.
Triple H: Haybahaba two blowjobs, do I hear three blowjobs and your soul? Going once... Going twice... Erm, Shawn?
Michaels: ...Sorry, my soul belongs to Jesus.
Triple H: ...Sold... Benoit retains.
No one will beat that caption for this week. Gold I tells ya.

Your others werent bad either.
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Old 04-13-2004, 07:48 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dazz
No one will beat that caption for this week. Gold I tells ya.

Your others werent bad either.
Thanks.

Yeah, I was kind of lazy this week though.
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Old 04-13-2004, 08:27 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rock Bottom

Kane had warned the Blue Meanie to stand back when his pyro went off.


Eugene: I wanna go on that ride, daddy!
Regal: Me too, son. Me too.


When the ref saw Christian absorb Jericho's soul, he knew it was time to take a stance. MORTAL KOMBAT!


Jericho: Ughhh... Head hurts... Where am I?
Trish: On your back, in the middle of the ring...
Jericho: That's the last time I say, "There's no place like home," when having a nightmare.


Eugene: (Crying) It's ruined!
Regal: Well, Eugene, I'm terribly sorry my dear boy. But you have to admit. That bear was more fluffy and cuddly than Triple H.


Flair: *FARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT*
Triple H: Hah, that's nothing, check THIS out... BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAH.

Crowd: Ho-ly shit! Ho-ly shit! Ho-ly shit!
LOL. Me too, son. Me too.
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Old 04-13-2004, 08:33 PM   #13
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The WWE decides to create a new "Dating Service" segment.

Foley: You can lick my wire anytime!



It seems Pac Man ate the great big dot, and Kane is screwed!



"I want YOU for Choppy Choppy the Pee Pee!"



Jericho: Miss Anders...I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!



Triple H: Back off Barney, I've got a piece!
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Old 04-13-2004, 08:37 PM   #14
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Oh God the entrances in SmackDown 2 sucked...oh..wait..
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Old 04-13-2004, 09:43 PM   #15
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Benoit: You jellin'?
HBK: Like a fellon!

HHH: HA! You guys beat me up, but I'm fine now!

HBK: He's not jellin'
Benoit: Or sellin'....


(got class in five minutes this is the only one I can do now . All of my captions would have been crappy anyways...)
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Old 04-13-2004, 09:49 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tucsonspeed6


Benoit: You jellin'?
HBK: Like a fellon!

HHH: HA! You guys beat me up, but I'm fine now!

HBK: He's not jellin'
Benoit: Or sellin'....


(got class in five minutes this is the only one I can do now . All of my captions would have been crappy anyways...)
rofl, not that one.
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Old 04-13-2004, 10:09 PM   #17
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HHH: "Hey... uh... I'm sorta in the main event, too. Can I be part of the staredown? .... Guys?"



"Jesus Christ... I have to job to the Undertaker AGAIN?!?!"



After his conversion to the faith, matches had to be stopped so Glen Jacobs could pray in the direction of Mecca.



Trish screamed when Steven Regal, the Ghost of Raws Yet to Come, showed her what the future had in store for a de-pushed Christian.



Tajiri shows he can shoot people in the ass ... GANGSTA STYLE.



Poor Tajiri. He was once a cruiserweight champ and leader of his own stable on Smackdown! And now, on Raw, he's forced to eat dirty old wigs. Poor, poor Tajiri.



The match with Lita was going on for so long that Trish just couldn't believe only five minutes had passed.



Tired of the anti-American rants from La Resistance, Former President Chester A. Arthur attacks!

OR

Sylvan: "Say, was that not your old tag team partner?"
Conway: "Oh... uhhhhh... hey look, pate foie gras!"



Sylvan: "Mon Dieu, monsieur! Have the decency to put on a shirt!"
Hurricane: " .... I thought it felt a bit drafty today..."



Conway was pissed. When he left OVW, Cornette never gave him a going-away plushie!



In the tradition of resurrecting old gimmicks, Regal coaches Eugene to become the next George Steele.



Boy, you know it's getting bad when Evolution no-sells a napalm strike.
Last edited by El Santo; 04-13-2004 at 11:00 PM.
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Old 04-13-2004, 10:50 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by El Santo
Boy, you know it's getting bad when Evolution no-sells a napalm strike.
rofl
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Old 04-13-2004, 11:08 PM   #19
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Kane: Now I've gotta job to WHO?!


The return of GrandMaster Sexay turned sour after he started to shout out "PUPPIES!"


Denzel Washington and Al Snow in "Man on Fire." Coming Soon.


Eugene: Why did this have to happen?!

Regal: For the last time, it's your gimmick! Change before it's too late and you job to Doink!


Foley: Hey H, you find that spider yet?

HHH: F*ck you!


Edge showing he is still alittle green.

Edge: I'm a homo!... um,WAIT NO! Cut the tape!


Batista: Ugh, Fire! UNGA BUNGA! LOOK WHAT I HAVE CREATED!

HHH: Wait, I am the game and I ....
25 minutes of promo later, HHH beat up Batista to prove that he created everything, including that fire.


What do you get when you have 2 of the best wrestlers trying to live in a apartment, while dealing with a wacky, controlling neighbor and his love for gold, you get the new sitcom,coming to the WB: "Two guys, the game, and a title race"... Too late, cancelled!
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Old 04-14-2004, 03:48 AM   #20
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Grand Master Sexay's hat was a little overboard this week.


Al Snow does his best impression of Trogdor The Burninator

OR

Al Snow Does his best reinactment of Darth Vader's death scene
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Old 04-14-2004, 04:01 AM   #21
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Edge: I tried to tell you that calling yourself "Nitro" would be career suicide!
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Old 04-14-2004, 02:04 PM   #22
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OK, I have NEVER done captions before, so if these turn out to be crap, I'm just going to leave it to the pros.


Normal people prefer spaghetti, Mick.


Told you Viagra has side effects.


Kane: Then what happened, Papa Smurf?


NEVER interrupt Kane when he's talking to Smurfs.


Trish: Who's career is doomed forever?


Tajiri: HA HA! You're an Internet Nerd. HAHAHAHA!
TPWW: You're dead and buried.
Tajiri:


Al Snow(thinking) I NEVER get a match, this is the first time I've been on air since November, I don't even have a gimmick anymore.....
Tajiri:Uh...Al? Don't we have a match?
Al: Shut Up. You're dead and buried.
Tajiri:


Look Mom! I'm on TV!!!
Mom: Shut up! You're dead and buried.
Tajiri:


Coach:Why exactly did I take this job?


You NEVER steal a candy bar from Edge understand?


Hurricane: IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL......
Other guy: Uh.....holmes, that only works when you have a mic...


And the WWE is proud to present its summer collection....


Flair: Can you see it Shelton?
Shelton: NO! The ights are bright! They're hurting my eyes!
Flair: Keep looking and you'll see.
*Earl Hebner starts counting*
Mick: GET UP! Its a trick you jackass!
Shelton: I can't! Something's holding me down!


Age was catchin up. Shawn needed frequent rests during matches.


Really, Shawn, maybe you should get a trainer?


Triple H: We are gathered here today......
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Old 04-14-2004, 02:06 PM   #23
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Someone please tell me how my captions were. *crosses fingers*
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Old 04-14-2004, 02:46 PM   #24
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Not bad for the first time. The dead and buried wasn't. I liked the Shelton one and the summer collection the best.
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Old 04-14-2004, 03:16 PM   #25
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Long: It's reasons like this I got traded to SmackDown, white man always pissing on the black talent.
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Old 04-14-2004, 03:22 PM   #26
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People are using the spiders as a reference. I feel so beautiful.
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Old 04-14-2004, 04:07 PM   #27
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Narrator: Next on "Biography": An imfamous night in the history of the WWE: The night that Tajiri sprayed the entire attendance with a barrage of "You're a Homo"s. The horrors would last nearly the entire night as no audience member was left standing unaccused...

Tajiri: "You Homo!" *Turns* "Ahh! Homo!!!" *Turns again* "HOMO!!!"



Trish: Well, I guess you're right. When you make that face, he does appear less retarded in comparison.....
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Old 04-14-2004, 04:13 PM   #28
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JR: ROCK BOTTOM!
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Old 04-14-2004, 04:16 PM   #29
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^
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Old 04-14-2004, 04:20 PM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Savior

JR: ROCK BOTTOM!
LOL dude, that was actually pretty funny.
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Old 04-14-2004, 04:32 PM   #31
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You guys keep getting better and better.
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Old 04-14-2004, 04:32 PM   #32
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thuganomicalcrippler

Kane: Then what happened, Papa Smurf?
I like this one. It's such a funny mental picture.

Good first batch, TC.
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Old 04-14-2004, 05:13 PM   #33
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Mick Foley - The Hardcore Tongue-Twister Legend



It was a night of recycled gimmicks. Unfortunately, the return of Grandmaster Sexay diverted a lot of attention away from Glen "Mood Ring" Jacobs.



I think after getting a look at Kane, we can probably start calling him Grandmaster Stinkay.



Kane's Banzai Drop From The Rafters didn't do his back much good.



Kane knew he had to seek shelter. It was raining 1998!



Eugene may have been...special, but damned if he didn't do the old "Thumb Trick" really convincingly!



Tajiri's reaction to JR's assertion that "Tajiri is gonna go far on RAW."

OR (wow, I've never done one of these before)

Meng, Master of Disguise, struck again. Steven Richards didn't suspect a thing!



AL: Ohhhhh yeah. This is familiar.



OH NO! PAPA SHANGO'S BACK!!!



COACH: I coulda had a V8!



You knew JR was going to have trouble with this one. If he couldn't tell Chris Benoit and Chris Jericho apart, how could he tell Bitch and Botch apart?



TRISH: They do NOT have a pepper bar!



CHRIS: Hey, Trish, what time is it?
TRISH: Hmm... I may need glasses.



Here we see what happens to stray Bashams that wander into the RAW locker room.



The look on Christian's face says it all. Swing dancing rules!



TRISH: You can't see me! You can't see me!
CHRIS: Of course not, you stupid bitch, my hand is over my eyes.



ROB: I didn't want to say it to his face, but...Frenchy Martin really let himself go.



Yep. Johnny's sling WAS a homo.



Hurricane once again proved that he was the Undisputed Champion of the Spin-Till-Somebody-Falls-Down Match.



ROB: Why does this bear have "Eed" written on its chest?
EUGENE: Hee hee hee!



The Hurricane's new gimmick - Nasty Boys 2004 - got off to a slow start, but the crowd popped huge for the Pit Stop.



REGAL: I told you, sunshine. Teddy bears are not for lovin'.



Yes, Dave. That sparkle IS a homo.



MICK: You gotta stay vertical for the Sharpshooter to be effective!
CHRIS: I would, but...there's something...holding me down!



RIC: Hmm... Holding the brother down. This brings me back.



Randy braced himself on the bottom rope and took Triple H's hand. The opponents would NEVER see the Ortonpult coming!



RANDY: Hey, look! I'm Scott Hall!



RANDY: No! I was only kidding! I'm NOT Scott Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!



HBK: Did you order the locker room cancer?
CHRIS: No. I thought you did.
HHH: Somebody has to sign for m--it. It. Sign for it.
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Old 04-14-2004, 05:22 PM   #34
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Savior

JR: ROCK BOTTOM!
Got to give it to you for this. Pretty Dam funny
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Old 04-15-2004, 06:15 AM   #35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Savior

JR: ROCK BOTTOM!
Caption of the year
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Old 04-15-2004, 08:06 AM   #36
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My first go at captions too! (Copied from the other thread, coz I', too dumb to read big text!)


Mick Foley got tired of book advertising and decided it was time to introduce the world to 'The Foley Beard Brush'


Vince watched the reality hit Kane that he was never going to be pushed as 'Kane - Monster of the Blues'


Kane: Dude, that last fart almost made me chunder!
GMS: Wait, wait, I've just floated the mother of all air-biscuits!


GMS: How can you not smell it?? Get closer!


Trish: Have you seen my thong?
Eugene: No
Trish: Have you seen my thong?
Regal: Trish, my dear. Everyone has seen your thong!



When Vince told Al Snow to rest up before the next series of Tough Enough, he forgot to mention that he may be required to perform in the occasional match.


Tajiri: I've got Trish's thong, I've got Trish's thong.


Coach: Dude, that's not Trish's thong, that's JR's.


Edge: I am over with the internet! I wrote on it and everything!


After the challenge was laid down by Grandmaster Sexay for the smelliest farts, Hurricane picked up the challenge........


And as usual Evolution took it just a step too far.


WWe thought that Shelton had been taking advice from Al Snow on rest & relaxation, and quickly appointed Ric Flair to motivate Mr Benjamin.
It was shortly discovered that Shelton Benjamin had been standing behind Hurricane when he cracked off 'The Hurra-hurricane'


Randy Orton was the first to sign up for HBK's 'Walk like The Rock' classes.


After intensive walking-coaching, both Orton and HBK were exhausted and had to stop for a mutual cuddly-snooze.


Triple H: Okay, when I count to 3, grip right hands, with your thumbs up.
Benoit: Ok
HBK: yep, alright then.
Triple H: Now remember that the referee's decision is final. you can't move your feet, and you can't start until after I finish saying' 1, 2, 3, 4, I declare a thumb war!' That's when you start!
Benoit: Got it.
HBK: Seems clear enough. Who jobs?
Triple H: Can't be my turn again.
HBK: Not me.
Benoit: Not me either.
Triple H: VINCE!!! THEY'RE NOT JOBBING TO ME!!!!!!!!!
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Old 04-15-2004, 09:07 PM   #37
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this really doesnt go with this caption but...

Kane: Ok, we will have to get our stories straight for our wives. We were out buying them fabulous gifts

B. Lawler: whats the occasion?

Kane: Because we love them jackass! Anyhoo, we came out of walmart when suddenly one hundred spaceships...

B. Lawler: Kane!

Kane: You're right you're right, fifty spaceships beamed us aboard. They gang-probed you while i discovered an invention to blow their heads off and saved america.

B. Lawler: Do i have to be gang-probed?

Kane: Do you want to tell the truth to your wife?

B. Lawler: Sigh, what did the aliens look like?

Kane: Well i could only see them from the back since they were so busy gang-probing you

Props to anyone who gets this
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Old 04-15-2004, 11:07 PM   #38
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It's "The Simpsons," the one where Homer and Ned marry those women in Vegas.
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Old 04-16-2004, 01:07 AM   #39
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^ Yup.
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