Smackdown Captions (4/16/04)

[Azriel]

[loopydate]

I don't have much time, so I'll just do the one:



KURT: Man! Concrete angels are HARD!

[ItsTimeForAChange]

"What!? Grandmaster Sexays back!? Damn you JR!"

[Disturbed316]

When Show asked Eddie to 'tighten his boots' this wasn't what he had in mind.



Angle: B'ledat. Let Me Holla at Cha Playa!

Show: Not a bad impression, I'd give it a 8/10

Torrie: Yeah, the bald head helps you get it across better.

[Azriel]

Eddie searches aimlessly to find Shawn's lost smile.

[Azriel]

Always the good Samaritan, Show offers to help Torrie chew her food

[Savio]

This time dawn meant business.

[Rock Bottom]

Warning ya. Some of these are dirty. But that's because there's like ten pictures of Rico in nasty poses.


It was Kurt Angle's move against Vince McMahon in "Hoss Chess."


Cena: Man, does the male nipple really have a purpose?
Chavo: ...Dude, we have a match.
Cena: Answer my question, cruiserweight.


Cena was confused when Vince told him to "Eat that cruiserweight" to put on a couple of pounds.


Rene Dupree Stars in yet another classic by Mel Gibson - "What Bitches Want."


Rico performed his pre-match "estrogen absorption" rituals.


Rico: ...So you see, I am the love child of the Ultimate Warrior and Elvis.
Haas:


Rico took over Jim Ross's job as "President of Talent Relations."


Rico knew he was busted when his Triple H mask fell off mid-coitus.


Rico was a dirty guy, and really didn't mind kissing someone, even if their ass had "HHH was here" spray-painted on it.


Not even Cole could hide his wood when watching the "Triple H Bukake."


When the ref saw Rico doing Steven Richards doggy-style, he knew the gangbang was on.


Haas does his best impression of Hardcore Holly's career.


Eddie was shocked to see all those photos on Big Show's wall, and when he recognized Big Show from the One Hour Photo place, there was no escape...


Proof that WWE was biased in favor of hosses was that The WWE Champion even had to sell shoulder massages for them.


Eddie Guerrero was determined to find his old buddy Lance's credibility.


Just when Eddie was about to cut out a nice bite, the turkey leg struck back.


Ref: Show, I can't let this match continue until you put that away.
Show: WTF, Ric Flair lets his man-boobs hang all the time, why can't I?
Ref: Are you a member of Evolution?
Show: No, b-
Ref: Then shut the fuck up and do as I say.


Determined to make a hoss out of Eddie Guerrero, Vince had him stand on the top rope for his entire match with The Big Show.


Big Show's reaction when God sent him a telepathic message.

"Big Show, see you in two months. Your career says hi. Love, Your Maker."


Big Show was confused and one-upped from his thumb-removal trick when Eddie Guerrero pulled off his own penis mid-masturbation.


Big Show's reaction to the sign: "You must be this short to ride."


The Austin household sure was hectic tonight.


The referee and Jindrak were charged with murder after mistaking Spike Dudley for a vampire.


For the low price of 29.99, you too can own a "Teddy Bear Long!"


Meanwhile, at the Austin household...

Austin: God damnit woman! I said go get me a beer!
Girl: (trembling) But Steve, the stores are all closed and we're out!
Austin: I said go get me a god damned beer, not go to the store you stupid bitch!


Booker should have known a stoner like RVD would be too stoned to not laugh during a Tango dancing session.


Even if people would crucify him for his beliefs, RVD would proudly die for them. That ref was a homo.


Booker desperately tried to save RVD from choking to death on that bong hit.


And Booker T realized the true power of the Chicken Wing Crossface...


Vince: Damnit! Has RVD been hanging around that Roady Dog character!?
JR: I dunno Vince, but he looks pretty fucked up to me, bah gawd... *Cackling*
Vince: What's so funny, he has a match in three minutes?
JR: *Laughing harder* Did you know your nose flares when you're angry Vince?
Vince: ...Ross, tell me you didn't.
JR: Okay, I didn't. ..........*Busts out laughing*


Booker T was a talented individual, he could do the running man while taking a shit.


Austin: GO GET ME A BEER!
Girl: But Steve, I-!!!!! *Dials 911*


Austin: Is there a problem officer!?
Cop: Yes, th- Heyyyyyy! You're Steve Austin, aren't you!
Austin: You're damn right.
Cop: Sorry sir, go about your business. *Leaves*
Austin: Now... WHAT DID THE FIVE KNUCKLES SAY TO THE TEETH?
Girl:


Big Show stood over his opponent, in victory.
Show: There can be only one.
(Credits for Hosslander roll)


Kurt Angle does his impression of Jeff Hardy after 20 cc's of heroin and a sheet of LSD25.

[Vastardikai]

This is called one of them Rare Caption Appearances by Latverian Heat



Big Show was frozen: it's not everyday you get to meet Lex Luthor, JR of Dallas fame AND Thing.



Chavo: Hey John, your shoe is untied...

John: Well, I'll be damned. Thanks!



John looks around for the guy who hit Chavo with a brick.



Out of ideas, WWE creative decides to use talent to re-enact classic scenes from Disney movies.



As Rico exhales from their deep kiss, we learn that Jackie was chewing on Dentyne Ice.



Ref: Rico, I can hear the ocean, check it out!



The Deformed Centaur finds out where he must scratch to in order to get his hind leg kicking.



Charlie: Damn, your bigger than Layfield!

Rico:



The Rico kissing booth looks to be a resounding success



even Tazz and Cole are bored of watching the water chugging competition. (sorry, got nuthin...)



The referee scores Rico's impression of what Jackie Gayda did to get a job.



When Rico's impression continued, people started to get ill.



Eddie: The Circle, The Circle of Liiiiiiiiiiiiiife!



Eddie couldn't handle the ref's description of the Rico Strip-tease.



Eddie sees the new Eddie Trap, and almost falls prey to it...



Desperate measures needed to be taken to save the poor little WWE logo from getting beaten up by the much larger Word Life Logo.



The Referee turns on Big Show by giving him the mother of all Tittie Twisters



NOBODY gets up from the tandem Frog Splash/Referee's Elbow.



Big Show: Someday, I'm gonna be Captain! and every rookie will be down on his knees-a... (rep to the person who gets the reference...)



Eddie can be so cruel. Making fun of Big Show just because he mispelled Sam's name...



Big Show: It was just a typo!



Many gimmicks and incidents could be considered offensive, but the Big Show shoving his entire hand up Torrie's nose was just too much, even for me...



Jindrak's pit stop submission was too much for poor Spike...



Whoever thought that using Jindrak and Teddy Long to portray Randy Savage and Miss Elizabeth should be forced to watch a John Bradshaw Layfield/Big Show Iron Man Match...



When Torrie caught Mr. Wight taking a leak behind the car, she discovered that the Show wasn't so "Big" after all



Booker: C'mon Nick, this is the easiest Limo pole yet!

Nick: You know I'm trying to kick the habit...



Booker: Where are you hiding the stash?

Rob: You won't get it out of me!

Booker: I have ways of making you talk... Nick!



Was re-enacting the Roberts/Savage Snakebite incident REALLY Necessary?



Booker: I'm blind, I CAN'T SEE!



In the most disturbing moment of the night, Booker T put RVD away by sucking his eyeballs out through his nose...



...The only problem with that move is that it gives the user a HORRIBLE case of the Mumps.



What do you do when your lower jaw becomes the Big Show?



Kurt: You're a Homo!

Big Show: You do know that this is Torrie, not Nicole Bass, right?

Kurt: ...Oh.



Big Show has taken over Brock's role of killing everyone who's been on the internet...



In honor of the new Major League Baseball season, Kurt shows off his Hook Slide.

[tucsonspeed6]

Show: Come on, Hebner...give them a little tweek. I know you want to.


Momma bird teaches baby bird to fly


Tinkerbell: *whisper whisper* "They're all sinners and must feel hell's fury. Burn them! BURN THEM ALL!"

Show: NO! It can't be! They all ate dinners and need to feed Belle curry! BURP THEM ALL!

Tinkerbell: Damn that deafening entrance music!


Show: Don't move!.....there's a WWE logo in your hair!


Angle does his imitation of Jim Carrey in Dumb and dumber.
Angle: Mary! Wait! You forgot your briefcaaaaaaa!!!!

OR...


Worst Snowangel Ever!

[Moongoose Mcqueen]

" I heard HHH was coming to Smackdown and I figured I'd assume the position early, before even getting in the ring."

Sorry HHH fans, no disrepect it just popped in there.

[JT]

You know an angle is bad when the dog is ashamed of it.


Eddie: You know what you're do'in homes?

Big Show: Yes Eddie...I'm checking for cavaties just like Kane taught me.



Eddie was suprised to discover that Sean O'Hare wasn't really released, but his cage was just relocated.



Big Show just finally got the "Big Slow" insult.


Big Show: Read My Lips! You...Can't...Act!!!


Things you want to here from you're lover, but not Big Show:
1.) I could eat you all up.


When police asked what happened, Torrie told police she was scared.
...It wasn't till later that she found out it was Kurt Angle and not Steve Austin.

[Rock Bottom]

Originally Posted by Moongoose Mcqueen Sorry HHH fans, no disrepect it just popped in there.

See your User CP.

[Azriel]

Big Show: Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!!
OR
Big Show's feelings were hurt when everybody laughed at his shiny, new earring.

[Jonster]

Not done all of them, because frankly, I'm not that good!



Chavo was really upset when Cena told him that Santa isn't real.



The match to decide who'll be the HHH of smackdown got off to a slow start when Charlie Haas realised that it'd mean losing to Shelton eventually



But Rico soon picked it up with his version of the pedigree



Rico's shocked when he gets told that he'll get the job



But Charlie Haas decides it's time to show off his water spitting ability



Long: Shoot that guy in the shoulder, no wait, that's not right...



So that's where Paul Heyman got too...

[HHHsucks929]

Not only did Big Show throw Mean Gene Okerlund off a ledge, he shaved his mustache. What a sadistic thing.

[Corkscrewed]

I need to get to class soon, so I might not do all of them.

I haven't looked at any yet, so sorry if I copy anyone.



Bradshaw it was serious when the SEC sent out one of their "Hoss Agents" to take him in for insider trading questioning.


Try as he might, Chavo just couldn't help Cena get to that itch.


Cena glared at the stupid fan who threw the brick at Chavo's face.
Fan: "I'm sorry! I couldn't see him!"


As you can tell by this picture, Renee's date with Stephanie wasn't going too well.


This was the first time WWE wrestlers had enaged in HETEROsexual intercourse right in the public. And the Double Angel was pretty impressive too.


You'd freak out too if you'd just hit your finishing move on the Ultimate Warrior and he'd popped right back up.


Warrior had unique methods for holding people down.


Haas: "What was that pop?"
Rico: "I didn't mean to actually go in! Honest!!!"


At that moment, Haas seriously regretted getting caught browsing TPWW captions. On the other hand, this proved once and for all that the writers DID get their storylines from TPWW.


Ultimately, the burial proved too much for Haas, and he downed a bottle of cyanide.


Charles Robinson: "And now... I will turn Rico's underwear.... INTO A THONG! VOILA!"
Rico: "Ha! You can't do th-- "


Haas never could stomach that mental image of Chris Benoit as a leprachaun.


Big Show: Most Violent Granny Cheek Pincher Ever


Wow, since when did Show start working for Shaniqua?


Eddie facing BRADSHAW next PPV??? That was it. Eddie had to do something to fix his career.


Eddie wasn't as slick or graceful at stealing shoes as he used to be.


Hebner: "Damn! That pot belly is like... THIIIIIIS fat!"
Big Show: "But-- but--"
Hebner: "You really are fat, Paul!"
Big Show: "I'm just big bo--"
Hebner: "I mean.. DAMN! It's THIS wide!"
Big Show:


Sick and tired of Hebner's stupid chicken dance, Eddie decided to take matters into his own hands with a flying cross body.


Big Show after finding out he's next to feud with the Undertaker.


Eddie: "I warned you about messing with fairies, but did you listen? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. And now it's put you into an everlasting slumber."


You'd be crying too if you'd just seen Torrie's acting job.


Torrie always got freaked out when Big Show started telling his "Chompy the Chomper" story using hand puppets.


Any momentum Jindrak might have had was destroyed when the ref focused himself on squashing that bug instead of counting the 1-2-3 for the pinfall.


"Smack this man in the face, BIOTCH!"


It's nice to see Jennifer Lopez got a job with the WWE after her dye job.


Booker: "Sky Wrench! Wait! Pick the ref up by the head AFTER I hit the scissors kick and pin RVD!"


Shaniqua was back with a vengeance! On a side note, I wasn't aware RVD was into that whole bondage thing.


Booker T and RVD do a tandem "Sacramento Kings at the End of the Season" impression.


Booker T's hand does his best Chapelle impression. Booker is shocked by his hand' violence.


The new improved invisible crucifix was pretty brutal. They put the nail in through your nose.


Invisible or not, military pressing Steven Richards was tiring work.


Torrie paid dearly for stealing and slipping into Big Show's black sleeping bag.


"Tiny wang! Tiny wang!"


Rita was pleased, for a giant Big Show had destroyed the Power Rangers once and for all!


No one was safe once Triple H learned how to "Flash-Activate" his hold-down aura.



I'll get a bunch of other caps for that last pic. It's priceless.

[Savio]

File photo of eminem after being banned.

[Corkscrewed]

Revealing himself to be Reptile and unleashing his acid spit, Cena showed Chavo the real reason people couldn't see him.

[Blue Demon]

Rico: Isn't this supposed to be gay porn?

[Savio]

Announcer: Paul, how did you lose that weight?
Paul heyman: Trim Spa baby!

[BigDaddyCool]

Rico: (8) BTW, I'm gay. (8)


Rico: (8) Just so you know, I'm still gay. (8)


Rico: (8) Did I tell you, I'm so flamingly gay! (8)


Rico: (8) I'm just reminding you, I'...
Ref: Yeah, we know you are gay.

[#1-norm-fan]

Kurt: "Alright Show, you know the deal. If you lose, you have to quit. But if you win, you get to eat this giant potato chip off of Bradshaw's head."



"Dammit John, you can't ride the roller coaster til we get you strapped in!!!"



Listen Fifi, I know I promised not to use American products anymore but the mannequin in that Men's Warehouse window looked SO happy in this jacket!



"Go on Charlie, touch them. Mr. Rico won't be home for a long, long time."



Rico prepares to "96" with Charlie Haas.



Charlie Haas debuts his new vantriloquist gimmick.

Charlie: "So Mr. Ass, you're going to sing a song while I have my tongue down this gay man's throat?"

Charlie's ass: "Wee."



"I'm squeeshing your head, I'm squeeshing your head."



Unable to escape the pin cover, Spike Dudley attempts to eat his way out.



It looks like all his life, RVD misunderstood the old theory that getting high makes your nose bleed.



(Moments earlier)

"Sir! You can't go in there."

Kurt: (Running through the airplane terminal) "It's okay... I'm a limo driver!"

[#1-norm-fan]

Seven days after watching the cursed video tape, referee Charles Robinson was dreading the worst. This was just a cruel vision to die to though.

[Nark Order]

Who would have ever thought that the "It's ok, I'm a Limo driver" line could've ended so tragically?

[Nark Order]

GODAMNIT!!! Someone beat me to the dumb and dumber reference. Didn't even see it...

[Hired Hitman]

Torrie: What are you doing!?

Big Show: ..You said to fill it up

[Savio]

Originally Posted by Savior Announcer: Paul, how did you lose that weight? Paul heyman: Trim Spa baby!

Trim spa never gets over

[tucsonspeed6]

Dupree: Don't you understand, Fifi? My secret recipes for french pasterys will make us rich, and only you and I know those secret recipes. I know you'll never tell anyone!

Fifi: Roll that beautiful croissant footage!

[Rock Bottom]

Originally Posted by Hired Hitman Torrie: What are you doing!? Big Show: ..You said to fill it up

LOL, gold.

[Savio]

Originally Posted by tucsonspeed6 Dupree: Don't you understand, Fifi? My secret recipes for french pasterys will make us rich, and only you and I know those secret recipes. I know you'll never tell anyone! Fifi: Roll that beautiful croissant footage!

Heh beans commercial.

[loopydate]

There's some good stuff here. I like the "Giant potato chip" one.

I'll do my own...tomorrow...probably.

[rob11]

big shows reaction to having seen THE VINCE and coming to relize that starting next week, he will be jobbing to funaki on velocity.

[Kane Knight]

Angle: Garth Brooks, your first match in the WWE will be against...THE BIG SHOW! And he's a hip-hop fan.



Cena gives Steven Richards a piece of his mind for interrupting him in the middle of a match.




"You see, I'm shipping out in the morning, and...Oh, don't look at me like that, Fifi..."



Rico: Okay, now what do I...THAT? THAT'S DISGUSTING!



Rico makes Haas pinky swear that his outfit didn't make him look fat.



In a sudden "career suicide" swerve, Rico confessed that he was X-Pac



WWE Sex tips: insufficient lubrication can make the situation uncomfortable for both partners.



Ref: Haas! YOU TRAMP!



Try as he might, Haas just couldn't fill Austin's shoes.



The referee indicates the number of "skid marks" clearly visible.



Charlie Haas learned his lesson: Never look under the announce table--Michael and Tazz are clothed only from the waist up.



Big Show took things a little too literally when he took a bite out of crime...



Eddie screamed. Biting his crotch off was bad enough; now, Big Show wanted to take his arm home for a "late night snack."



Eddie did what no american, even Bradshaw, could: He found Osama...



...Naked...



In a surprise screwjob, the ref disqualifies Eddie and hands his illegal Immigrant title over to the INS



"You may have eaten 'Little Eddie,' esse, but I'm still TEN TIMES the man you are, holmes!"



"EDDIE WAS LYING! IT'S THIS BIG AROUND!"



Mini-Lesnar lacked the power of the original, unable to even pin Spike Dudley clean.



Tazz: Jindrak is quite the ventriloquist, Cole:
Cole: I'd like to see him make his dummy speak while he's drinking.



The WWE decides to tackle tough social issues. tonight: Road Rage


Booker reaches out, only to fiind that Steven Richards had walked out five minutes earlier.



Since the accident, the WWE has insisted that Booker refer to himself as the "THREE TIME!! THREE TIME!! THREE TIME!!" Champion.




Van Damn's drug habit had gotten out of control...



"I am not a crook!"



The entire lockerroom was awestuck at John Bradshaw Layfield's new finisher: The Wedgie From Hell.

[Blue Demon]

Look at me...I'm floating

[Gone Mad]

Rene: ...WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T PUT OUT?!


Yup, this happened to Marty Jennety too and look at him now.


Guest Referee Kevin McAllister's first time lookin' at gay porn.


Eddie Guerrero - Lies, Cheats, Steals.. and on the side, Builts forts.


There goes another Sour Starburst related accident.


Show: Why... can't I see that GODDAMN SAILBOAT?!
OR FOR ANOTHER MOVIE REFERENCE..
Show: That'll do, pig. That'll do.


This was shot after Angle and the logo find that ever-elusive RVD stash... and start talking about clouds for 4 hours.