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Old 04-22-2004, 11:51 PM   #1
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Arrow Smackdown! Captions (04-22-04)


















































BONUS PIC:
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Old 04-22-2004, 11:53 PM   #2
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LOL these are great. They were up pretty early.
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Old 04-22-2004, 11:54 PM   #3
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D'VON: He's a homo!!!

(just to get that out of the way)
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Old 04-23-2004, 12:00 AM   #4
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WWE was running low on budget, so their new microphones had to have very large wires coming off of them.



Bradshaw: I'm better then Shelton and HHH! Mine's THIS big!!
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Old 04-23-2004, 12:10 AM   #5
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Paul: Your check is in the mail... What?
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Old 04-23-2004, 12:21 AM   #6
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Booker : Curse your Odor Eaters.. SUCKA!!


Bubba (as RVD): I'm a homo.

D'von: See? He said it,not me!


Rico, mesmerized by the fact of a black hole in the middle of the ring.


Scotty: Kish,are you sure you don't need to go to the bathr-

Rikishi: UH-OH!


Bradshaw showing everyone how much talent he really has.


If anyone can carry Cheech-- i mean, Chavo Sr. through a match, it's Forrest-- I mean, Cena.


Now it was Haas' turn to be in a cage. To make it worse.. with Rico.


You know you're going to have a bad match when the script is on a banner.
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Old 04-23-2004, 12:51 AM   #7
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A cell-shaded Paul Heyman walks to the ring with evil intentions. (Well he looks cell shaded to me, or maybe it's my buzz)




RVD: Well which one of you boys want a ride?
D-Von:



D-Von: RVD, you will know that my name is the lord when I lay my vegeance upon thee.



Wolverine: Hey Rikishi I think I smell Triple...



Invisible HHH: All that base is belonged to me.
Rikishi:



Scotty turns away while the ref is mesmerized by the gay porn on the Titantron.



Bradshaw: Whoa...Paul London's penis is this big
Charles Robinson: Hey...why the **** would I care?



Dupree: Shoo be shoo be do...we were strangers in the night..
Torrie:



What do you do when Aunt Flow comes out the wrong end?



Cena: How the hell did you get JBL's head attached to your body??????



Smufer T was next to get buried.
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Old 04-23-2004, 12:52 AM   #8
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Booker began spitting profusely as he realized that was not Stacy Keibler, and that it was all just a dream.


Apparently, a fan thought Heyman shitting his pants was pretty damn cool.


(5 years ago...)

Bubba: Paul, we're sick and tired of the stress from living paycheck to paycheck, and...
Paul: *Cracking up*
Bubba: What?
Paul: Nothing.


RVD: Damnit dude. That's my push.
D'Von: Ro Shamo ya for it.
RVD: Ok--
(CRACK.)
RVD: Screw... You... Guys...


D'Von's "Captain Obvious" gimmick was a success, as he called Bubba and RVD homos mid-coitus.


Rikishi: I know you're back there McMahon! And I'm not leaving this pose until I get a push!
Rico: One push... Coming right up.


"And in other news today, a local McDonald's was closed down for an investigation involving anthrax. More as this story develops."


As punishment, Scotty forced Haas to watch Rico make out with the referee, while looking away himself.


Rico knew tying that pork chop around his neck would do the trick.


After growing rather thin, when Triple H held two belts again he knew he would never have to suck dick for crack anymore.


Haas was really excited to be a Tag Champ and all, but did they really have to pair him up with the Ultimate Warrior?


Bradshaw: My financial advice team will do their very best to make sure you get the soundest, most efficient advice. Just ask one of my many satisfied clients.

(Clip shows)

Bradshaw: So you see, as long as you write bad checks, you don't have to pay the wrestlers...


The ref couldn't stand Bradshaw's brutal honesty when he asked him how big his dick was.


So far, their date was going extremely well. All the advice Rene got from the guys in the locker room seemed to work.


That is... Until he got to Austin's advice.


That would be the last time Torrie starred in a porn with Gangrel.


Big Show: WHICH ONE OF YOU MOTHER FUCKERS TOOK THE LAST TWINKIE?


...And finally, Cheech Marin's Space-Coke buzz wore off.


Cheech: Hey, hey, put me down man, damn!
Cena: I go-tta find Bub-ba!
Cheech: Hey man, you should come over tonight, you seem like you really know how to party.


Little did Booker know that The Predator had his eyes fixed on him...


Haas hated standing directly in front of Rico when Sean O'Haire decided to start randomly mooning people.


Appointing a one-armed referee sure didn't help anyone believe D'Von had a shot in hell at the WWE Championship...


Eddie: Los Locos hump your ass, Los Locos hump your face...
D'Von: *Taps out*


Eddie had to go all-out when it came to carrying Bradshaw in a match. I mean, he even had to collapse before Bradshaw executed a maneuver.


Bradshaw knew that smell my finger trick would work after fingering Stephanie McMahon.


Heyman: RVD, can I have a word with you?
RVD: Sure, what's up?
Heyman: You wouldn't happen to have a... Long rope, would you?
RVD: No, why?
Heyman: Ah, nothing, I guess I can ask a couple of guys while I wait for the storyline meeting to start.
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Old 04-23-2004, 04:15 AM   #9
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RVD just could not STAND Booker's lame Popeye impression.


When the title match at Judgment Day was changed into a Garrote on a Rope Match, fans knew that things were going to change now that the new GM was James Gandolfini.


Bubba: "Look, Paul, I agree we have to take drastic measures to bring Smackdown's ratings up, but 'Rob Van Dam, the White Afro Thunder' is just not going to go over."


RVD: "All right, I'm a horse! Vince HAS to push me now!"
D-Von: "Um, Rob..."
Bubba: "Let him be, D-Von. Let him be."


D-Von: "But this man has done no wrong!"
Crowd: "We want BARABBAS! BARABBAS!"


Sure, Rikishi was always game for flag football! Unfortunately, he'd misheard the "flag" part.


Hey, you'd have that face too if you were crushed in between three ring ropes.


Scotty never had the skill, nor the attention span, to master wheelbarrow racing.


Fans were shocked when, suddenly, Rikishi pooped out Liberace!
JR: "Mah God, King! He was NEVER dead! He was just up Rikishi's ass all this time!"


Haas: "Oh God! Powerful... magnets! Trying... to take... belts... away! .... Ah hell, might as well have fun. Wheeeeee!"


At this moment, Haas started to suspect that there was something weird about his new ring valet.


In an angle that thrilled fans from two generations and three decades, James Gandolfini finally meets JR Ewing.


Disturbed by the Ref's lack of faith in his wrestling abilities, Bradshaw teaches him a lesson, courtesy of the Dark Side of the Force.


Renee: "...add a few highlights in your hair and... Voila! Now you are the most beautiful wrestler on Smackdown, Shannon!"
Shannon: "Wwwwowww!"


Renee was torn. Torrie ... or Fifi? Decisions, decisions...


"Yes, it's raining on prom night. Oh my darling, what can I do? I miss you.
It's raining real rain from the skies and it's draining real menstrual blood from my thighs, over you, oh over you."


Cena: "What, I have a match up? Coooooooooollll. WHAT? No Rob, I'm not bogarting the joint; I just want one more hit!"


Haas: "Hold on a second... this man looks nothing like Shelton Benjamin! Holodeck: end program!"
Last edited by El Santo; 04-23-2004 at 05:40 AM.
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Old 04-23-2004, 08:46 AM   #10
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Paul Heyman: The Dudley's are tamed! Bubba, when was the last time you did something spectacular?
Bubba: I...I haf'ta go to thee bathroom!
Paul Heyman: Can't you wait!
Bubba: I gotta go NOW-AH!



RVD: Hey look! I'm a doggy! WOOF WOOF! WOOF! WOOF WOOF WOOF!
Bubba: Look! I'm Micheal Jackson! *Moonwalk*
DVON: I'm Mr. Tally Me! Tally Me Banana!



DVON: Mr. Bond! It is so nice to see you! I finally get my chance to shoot you! Do you have any last words, Mr. Bond!
RVD: Duuude..you can't kill me! I'm R..V..D!
*10 minutes later*
DVON: Well Mr. Bond, I feel I have to kill you now!
*10 minutes later*
DVON: I still wish you goodbye, because NOW I pull the trigger!
*1 minute later*
DVON: OK..damnit..let me load the gun!
At this point, Bubba just throws down "Mr. Bond" and throws the gun away and they both leave, unsuccessful in killing Mr Bond. Damn, how does James Bond get away each time?



JBL: ..I love a man in uniform!
Paul: .....
Impair Judgement! Another side effect of hunger.



JBL: I was this close from winning!
Ref: I'm just a Sexy Boy! *Christina Augilera voice* SEXYYYYYY BOOOOOYYYYY!



Paul Heyman: Better run quick! The claw is coming! AHHH! NEEEOOOORRRRMMM! It's heading right towards ya, Rob! CHOO CHOO!
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Old 04-23-2004, 01:05 AM   #11
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Paul unleashes his deadliest weapon yet, the forehead of blinding!


Paul's first victim.


Booker T (thinking): So this is what the world looks like to Rob Van Dam.
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Old 04-23-2004, 01:11 AM   #12
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PureHatred, I am still awaiting your caption debut.
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Old 04-23-2004, 02:41 AM   #13
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Just a few. I like the last one.


If it wasn't humiliating enough to make Booker eat his shoes, RVD then proceeded to piss on him.


In a dramatic moment, the Bachelor Bubba Ray chose Heyman over the other two final contestants.


Things took a turn for the worse when the rabid Robwiler got lose.


The new D-Von HGA detector works flawlessly even under the most intense pressure.


It wasn't pretty, but Rikishi shot-pooping Rico out is the most impressive thing I've ever seen.


The biggest "UH.......... OH!!!" I've ever seen.


Rico was a master at milking the udders of the Rikishis Gigantis.


Bradshaw shows the ref how close he came to not botching a move this time.


Torrie regretted entering the dirty tampon dodgeball contest.


When Bradshaw showed up on TV with a promo, even Cena tried to turn him off.


Booker T goes Glenn "Mood Ring" Jacobs better by becoming Booker "Mood ARENA" T.


Cole: "No Austin! Don't that poor, innocent woman!"
Tazz: "That's Renee Dupree, not Steve Austin!"
Cole: "Sorry. Force of habit."
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Old 04-23-2004, 01:56 PM   #14
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Paul was in some pain and was happy to meet the Dudleys in the ring for a free Chyropracty consultation.

While Bubba worked on Paul's wrist, D'von assessed Paul's neck for movement.
RVD was next in the queue.
[/
RVD: These guys any good?
Paul: Look at my wrist. It goes this way, it goes that way. Vince will be so pleased!
RVD: Cool. Whatever. Seen my 'herbs'?

Bubba: What's up, Rob?
RVD: When I go like this I get stuck......bollocks! Seen my 'herbs' anywhere?

Bubba: How's that?
RVD: Great!
Bubba: D'von - hand him the bill.
D'von: I can't! He's a friend!
Bubba: Just do it, or we'll never get 'Dudley Chyropracters' off the ground.
D'von: Okay, but I can't look.

Next up for treatment - Eddie.
Symptoms: Sore Neck and Back

The neck was sorted. Sadly the back needed to be treated by spinebuster.

While Eddie recovered, JBL came to the ring to cut a promo.

Sadly, his promo skills were lacking, and he had to result to writing notes on his hand.



Rico *singing*: Heaven......I'm in Heaven......And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak....And I seem to find that happiness I seek..

Rico *singing*: When we're out together dancing cheek to cheek...


Announcer: And the new 'WWE Singing Homo Champion....Rico!!!'



Bradshaw: Paul, about my push.
Paul: Look, Taker, you've been told that you've got a match against Booker T at Judgement Day.
Bradshaw: Paul, I'm Bradshaw!
Paul: No. Taker is the cowboy on SD.
Bradshaw: No. I'm JBL now, and I've got a title shot on Judgement Day.
Paul: WTF?
Bradshaw: Me v Eddie. Main Event.
Paul: I'm gone 3 weeks and this is the crap that happens. Jesus! I'm gonna see Vince!!!

Bradshaw: I get this close to a title shot, then Heyman turns up.
Ref: I know, I know..
Bradshaw: Now they've got me fighting unknown gimps with masks on again. It's just not fair!



Rene: Hi Torrie
Torrie: Hi Rene.
Rene: Like my new hair?
Torrie: Christian?
Rene: yep. The boys got talent.

Torrie: Stop calling me Fifi!
Rene: C'mon Fifi, play dead...
Torrie: Stop it!
Rene: Fifi! Sit! Roll Over!

Torrie couldn't handle the constant poodle commands, and wept causing a make-up mudslide that buried 4 small villages.
Rescue teams have been despatched.



Cena: Hey, RVD! I found your 'herbs'!



John Cena's charitable side was finally getting some credit.

Cena's 'Carry the Pensioner for Charity' was a great success.


Booker T *singing* : Well I guess that's why they call it the blues....time on my hands....could be time spent with you....
The Audience remained unconvinced by 'Booker T - Blues Man'


Hass was less than impressed when he found out he would have to sing to challenge Rico for the 'WWE Singing Homo' Title
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Old 04-23-2004, 02:36 PM   #15
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Rikishi found out the hard way that the world where time runs backwards was not all it was cracked up to be when he attempted to do his pre-match ritual of taking a big stinky crap...


Moments later, the doors to the arena slammed shut and a mysterious blaze roared through the building, incinerating everyone in attendance.


Bubba: I swear to god Paul, I'm so hungry I might actually take you up on that offer for a knuckle sandwich.

RVD (Thinking): "Man, and I thought I had the munchies..."


Rene: Oh, Torrie...you've drank all of your milk. I'll just fill that up for you.
Torrie: ...But Rene, there's no cow around here. Where ever will you find some milk?
Rene: Hmm...I think I can find a substitute.


Booker T makes his attempt at becoming a character from a Ben Stiller movie...

Booker: "What do you mean the Blue Raja wasn't actually blue? .....Silverware? WTF?!?


Chavo: And then he was like "OOH! Kane Knight gave me a bad rep!!!"
Cena: Are you serious? Man, I thought Jeff Hardy wouldn't care if he got a bad rep...
Ref: Hey I thought Brock was gonna kill us if we went back on that site...
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Old 04-23-2004, 03:21 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tucsonspeed6


Moments later, the doors to the arena slammed shut and a mysterious blaze roared through the building, incinerating everyone in attendance.
Dammit!

I was hoping to do a "Carrie" joke!
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Old 04-23-2004, 03:28 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tucsonspeed6

Moments later, the doors to the arena slammed shut and a mysterious blaze roared through the building, incinerating everyone in attendance.


I KNEW there was a Carrie joke in there somewhere, but I just couldn't figure out a good way to word it. Major kudos!
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Old 04-23-2004, 05:52 PM   #18
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Riskshi's reaction to hardcore getting a title shot.
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Old 04-24-2004, 06:36 AM   #19
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HGA took a strange and interesting twist with the introduction of "target practice."


Rikishi's reaction to the new Garfield movie trailer.


Scotty was concerned. Charlie would probably have to get that giant metal rod growing out of his foot checked out.


Poor Rico became yet another victim of nature when he chose to sunbathe on the day meteorologists predicted heavy Rikishi showers.


Torrie knew she shouldn't have made fun of that magical PMSing pigeon.


With his character going nowhere, Cena becomes desperate and tries to buy his way to a storyline direction.


Cena: "You LIAR! You neither stood NOR delivered!!!!"
Chavo: "Oh shit!"


It was about this time that Haas wished he'd read that part in the contract that stipulated WWE Tag Champs as the official cage cleaners of the WWE.


Eddie: "Suck my balls, D-Von! That's right, I'm EDDIE GUERRERO, BITCH!
(rep if I can for the very, very easy half reference)


As his promo reached his twelfth hour, Bradshaw couldn't help but notice people weren't paying as much attention as before.


Bradshaw: (reading) "Okay, he's down now. Lets see... next thing I do is... C... O... V... E.... I think that's all.... Cove? What the hell kinda move is a Cove?!?!"


RVD: "Face it Paul, you get competitive about everything."
Heyman: "I am so not competitive. In fact, I am the least non-competitive. So I win."

Always wanted to do that last one.
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Old 04-24-2004, 06:41 AM   #20
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Ah hell, lets go wild with the Family Guy quotes.


Heyman: "Hey, where's my VCR?"
D-Von: "Dangit, Bubba, I wanna use the sex box."
Bubba: "It's my sex box. And her name is Sony."
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Old 04-24-2004, 10:39 AM   #21
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Dave Chapelle rocks!
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Old 04-24-2004, 10:54 AM   #22
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This isn't what Rikishi had in mind when Rico invited him to eat out.
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Old 04-24-2004, 03:30 PM   #23
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The ref manages to pull RVD's foot out of the Dirt Devil Model T.



Just because he "Own"s the place, doesn't mean I'd take a check from him...



Bubba: You Sure do got a purty mouth!



RVD's Rick Steiner impression bothers the Dudley Boyz.



Vince: (offstage) Raise your hand if you want a push.

RVD: I do, I do!

D-Von: He Does, He does!

Vince: (offstage) Just what I thought, another push for the Undertaker is on the way!



Rico: (thinking) Just because I said I'd be willing to play a gay guy, they try to push it to it's very limit...



After this incident, the WWE has decided to ban ALL 3' subs from ringside...



Scotty is amazed that the fans are counting along to Charlie's push-ups!



Rico: (thinking) Jackie's Tits... Jackie's Tits...



Charlie had a good day: He won the Push up Title, the Most likely to have an ambiguously gay tag team partner Title, and Jackie had her monthly "Wardrobe Malfunction" to boot!



Charlies is unsure if this means he's going to have Rico dress like him, or if he'll have to dress like Rico. He only HOPES it's the former...



Elton John: (off screen) Can You Feel, the Love Tonight!



JBL: We're THIS CLOSE to killing Eddie's push!



Rene: You're the world's worst actress, aren't you?

Torrie: You Remembered!



Rene: Eat Me!

He'd later go on to regret those words...



...as Torrie debuted her new Cannibal gimmick.



John Cena was going to sing Aerosmith's "Baby Please Don't Go", but he couldn't find anyone to play Harmonica...



Where will you be when your Diahrea comes back?



John just realized the origin of that smell!



The Hooloovoo's new Predator disguise was perfect until someone tugged on the wrong dreadlock...



Charlie: Who Farted?

Rico:



D-Von: I don't see any Cavities, do you?

Ref: Left bottom incisor, see it?

And So, WWE's in ring Dental Academy holds it's first class.



Eddie: He looks like he has an overbite.

Ref: You haven't even opened his mouth, yet.



JBL showed the latest movement in the Dow, with the help of the sign behind him and Eddie.



JBL shocks the Wrestling world by busting out a Spinaroonie!



Paul: Hey Rob, can I cop a feel?
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Old 04-24-2004, 04:30 PM   #24
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Cena's work rate got so stale he had to resort to selling candy bars
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Old 04-24-2004, 04:45 PM   #25
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RVD: Sure, I have gum. I stepped in some earlier!



Paul held perfectly still while his shadow slooooowly drew its scabbard.



After Paul fell asleep again, the "hardcore" contingent of the SmackDown locker room decided to check for a pulse.



Obviously, the Dudleys weren't too impressed by the Van Damaroonie.



D-VON: Shoot that man in the--
RVD: Ass!
BUBBA: NO!



RIKISHI: So THAT's what my feet look like!



Surprisingly, Rikishi's one-man rendition of "Carmen" was a huge success.



Scotty had to turn away. Charlie's Edge impression was about to meet an unfortunate end.



RICO: MY CREDIBILITY! I knew I left you somewhere!



After Mr. and Mrs. Belty had another domestic squabble, Charlie decided to put an end to things.



Charlie couldn't help but weep. In just two short months, he'd gone from one-half of the World's Greatest Tag Team to one-half of the Ambiguously Gay Duo.



JBL: ...which would be the perfect opportunity to sell. Now, when the NASAQ...
PAUL (thinking): That DOES look like a giant potato chip!



JBL: You know, back when I was in the Acolytes, I used to have thismuch wrestling talent.



Torrie was horrified when she learned that Rene was going to unveil his new "rapier" tonight.



RENE: Nonono, you American sow! You put your left foot in, ZEN you shake it all about!



RENE: Bless you.



John "Captain Toblerone" Cena wasn't met with a very positive reaction.



CENA: You were in "Selena!" You were responsible for J-Lo's career taking off!



CHAVO: ...where's your bellybutton? Oh, God! You're a clone! But what about the real John?
CLONE: First over cliff.



RUSSO: What if he doesn't survive? He's worth a lot to me.
VINCE: If he dies, the Empire will compensate you. Put him in.



CHARLIE: I don't know. I feel like...
RICO: Feel like what?

Charlie draws his blaster and spins around.
CHARLIE: Like we're being watched.
RICO: Away put your weapon. I mean you no harm. I am wondering, why are you here?
CHARLIE:I'm looking for someone.
RICO: Looking? Found someone you have, I would say. Hmm?



D-Von's brief stint as a reverend helped with the talent exorcism.



D-VON: Why, yes, Eddie. That blonde in the front row is ho--OW, MY EYE!



JBL: ...down 3 3/4. Now, would you like me to tell you about the top tech stocks in the--Eddie? Dammit, I've done it again.



JBL: Ha ha! Good work, Tink! Now, let's find Hook!



PAUL: ...and that's why Vince McMahon is an evil...
RVD (thinking): Hmm. His head DOES look like a giant potato chip! Potato chip? Mmm...munchies.
Last edited by loopydate; 04-25-2004 at 06:12 PM.
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Old 04-24-2004, 11:31 PM   #26
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ROFLMAO!!! The last 2/3 were gold! Unbelievable, Loopy!
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Old 04-25-2004, 12:41 AM   #27
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Bubba: I'M SPICY!
Paul, RVD, D-Von:
Bubba: It's my new catchphrase.
Paul: You can't just make a new catchphrase, it's like making a new nickname. OK, try it again.
Bubba: I'M SPICY!
Paul: No, still horrible.
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