WWE SmackDOWN! Captions [12-18-2003]

**Corkscrewed** · 12-19-2003, 04:05 AM

When Cena's invisible giant frient, George, wanted to talk, everyone listened.

Cena: "Why weren't you listening to George?????"

Oh man... this is just begging for a gay joke... Oh well, I can't resist...

Technical wrestling hating, hoss loving (and I mean loving) Dark_Kane makes his WWE debut against Big Show.

OR

Big Show was getting too much pleasure out of this that a giant hand had to come out and knock him out.

Heyman: "So you're telling me you're not the abominable snowman?"

A-Train was a little wary when Brock invited him to a Teletubbies pajama slumber party.

You couldn't tell directly from this pic, but the WWE finally found a perfect position to put Chavo.

Rikishi was in the middle of the pose when........................... UH OH!

Los Guerreros glanced over to the ref to see what move to do next, but the signs were just too confusing!

Rikishi indicates how many victories he gets a year, as per his new contract.

Giving opponents the Stinkface really intensified Rikishi's BATTLE AURA.

Shelton "No I Swear Charlie Haas Didn't Do It First" Benjamin opens up his own chiropractor business.

Great angle, eh?

Sometimes, Heyman wondered if squeezing Dawn Marie's breasts hard enough would pop the silicone.

As you can see, someone called Cat's [white] momma. And she wasn't happy.

Vince: "I actually signed off on your push??? What the hell was I drinking that night??"

Vince starts his new MILF gimmick by making out with the Cat's momma.

Both Mysterio and Noble agreed that Brian Hebner's childish actions were going a bit too far.
Hebner: (poking Rey's throat) "Does it hurt here?"
Rey: "Yes."
Hebner: (poking Rey's throat) "Does it hurt here?"
Rey: "Yes."
Hebner: (poking Rey's throat) "Does it hurt here?"
Rey: "Yes."
Hebner: (poking Rey's throat) "Does it hurt here?"
Rey: "Yes."
Hebner: (poking Rey's throat) "Does it hurt here?"
Rey: "Dammit, will you cut it out???"

Rey: "Watch out, Brian! There's a strange chick who's going to flash you right behind you!"

The dark-skinned fan on the left laughed when he saw the effects of the laxative that he had put in Noble's food take effect.

A stray arm flying about. Palumbo trying to remove Benoit's jaw. Chris had the strangest feeling that things were going the opposite of what they should.

Ah! That was more like it!

Rhyno: "No!!! My! Blue! Twizzler!!!"

OR

At least, Rhyno's crazy glue jokes backfired when Farooq got stuck on his precious giant blue Twizzler ropes.

Okay, Dawn Marie's face leaves something to be desired, but yeah, WHAT a body!

Heyman: "So Doctor Dawn, I have these dreams where I'm brutally murdering Vince over and over again for taking out ECW. What does this mean?"

Brock wasn't to keen on the new idea that people draw their pushes from a tumbler.

Heyman: "See, Brock? As shown from this notated model, the Earth DOES have an iron core!"

OR

Brock, acting as proxy for Sean O'Haire's fate, giggled in relief that it wasn't him when he drew out: "Mine the ore."

Lesnar: "I'll be damned... an iron core."

Brock: (thinking) 'Hey... that girl is kinda cute..."

Brock and Shannon weren't exactly the best when it came to Twister.

Hardcore Holly tries to summon a spell that will make fans like him.

The Matt Morgan Protractor automatically alerts you with a large growl when it hits exactly 90 degrees! Order at WWE Shopzone.

Holly: "Crowdeus Lovemeus... Abra Popdabra... Hopular Popular... Damn, I better get the right spell quick before I'm buried again for good!"

**StoneColdStunner** · 12-19-2003, 04:57 AM

I liked the one with Big Show and Dark Kane

actually all of it rules

**KayfabeMan** · 12-19-2003, 05:07 AM

Pretending not to notice the silence,Hardcore Holly warns the
fans to be quiet...

Not used to selling for someone,Lesnar botches a hurricanrana.

Thinking he was still running ECW,Heyman turned WWE's home
venue into a bingo hall; OR - Heyman tries to convince Lesnar
to buy the new WWE Popcorn Maker....

Lesnar helps Heyman's bingo cause by calling numbers for him;
OR - Slowly evolving,Lesnar learned how to say "Ball....round".

Somehow Edge just wasn't as imposing wearing pink sneakers....

Sable warns The Cat to call his momma using 1-800-COLLECT

Continuing with unrealistic angles,WWE had Thing Addams make
his SD! debut by warning Chuck that Morticia had been arrested.

Realizing that this could be his last televised match,Palumbo
waves goodbye to his fan(s).....

WWE attempts to capitalize on Michael Jackson's recent popularity
increase,by having Rikishi's hair catch on fire while he performs.....

Listening to the Colts game on an earpiece,Rikishi celebrates as
they make a game winning fieldgoal; OR - In another attempt to
capitalize on once popular gimmicks,WWE has Rikishi do the "Men
On A Mission" dance....

Noticing his back pocket out,and having the referee as a witness,
Cena confronts the announcer about his missing wallet....

Aware of his mental illness,Dawn Marie plays along as Heyman
thinks he is Booker T.....

Proving why WWE refuses to let 2 employees use the same first name
at the same time,Vince McMahon asks "Jerry Lawler married YOU?"....

**Vega** · 12-19-2003, 05:16 AM

When John Cena forgot his line, he decided to try the "raise the arm" trick he saw on TV in hopes of everyone in the arena passing out.

When John Cena revealed who the real cookie thief was, all eyes turned to the ring announcer.

At first it was kinda weird, but after a while Big Show started liking random jobbers coming up and humping his leg.

The guy sitting in the chair near the ring hopes nobody notices him masterbating to A-Train's manly body.

BROCK: Let's just hope that the terminator in the audience isn't looking for us.

Eddie laughed as he realized he could do whatever he wanted, since all people were paying attention to was the fight going on behind him.

The ring announcer always decided to make his moves on Rikishi at the most inappropriate times.

The ref was so bored he decided to see if the "shake hand to get multiple fingers illusion" worked against the titantron.

When Rikishi suddenly forgot how to wrestle, he attempted to repeat what Cena did earlier in attempt of getting everyone to pass out.

WHAT DID YOU EAT?

REF: Shelton, you put him to sleep again!
SHELTON: Whoa! The sleeper move really works?
REF: No, he was watching the match on the titantron.

HEYMAN: That damn Booker T....I was the one that came up with the spinaroonie!

SABLE: OJ, right?

Vince: Yeah? Well the Terminator over there says YOU'RE the pansy, and if you have any beef with him to meet him in the parking lot.

Only a few more inches, and Sable would be in reach of the bill clip in Vince's shirt pocket...

SOTWISTED: Dale, did you fart again?
NEWSTEAD: No, I swear it wasn't me!

(but seriously, look at the 2 people in the audience on the left front row

)

The WWE superstars start up another game of freeze tag.

NOBLE: Aww, why'd you have to tag me?

Palumbo and Benoit wonder how long it's going to be before someone works up the nerve to run in the ring and unfreeze them.

In response to Shelton Benjamin's Chiropractic service, Benoit provides some competition with a Chiropractor service of his own.

Rhyno, try as he might couldn't remove himself from Farooq. Meanwhile, the ref decides to see just how sticky Rhyno really was.

Dawn wonders if her dress, made entirely out of twisslers, was covering too much up.

Brock: Wow, this new penis protector works great.

Heyman: Brock, write down the last good president and vice president we had on that ball. Ah, memories.

With celberities talking about politics, Michael Moore appeared out of nowhere...

Brock: WTF? I didn't know this was going to be an intergender mat...oh.

The ref figures he's next, so he assumes the position.

Hardcore Holly begins to indicate the percent chance he has of winning next week by starting with the negative sign.

It turns out that the terminator had morphed into the ref all along...and a half second later we found out who he was after, with Matt Morgan's leg chopped in half.

Holly returns in hopes that his new WWE tatoo will get him over.

**Vega** · 12-19-2003, 05:24 AM

BTW, LOL @ Corkscrewed's Holly ones

**StoneColdStunner** · 12-19-2003, 05:27 AM

Cena: This my friends is a microphone! And then everybody was stunned.

Big Show: this is what is smells like when you win a match.

Heyman: A-Train...will you....will you mary me?

Brock was angry about heyman asking A-train to marry him. As Brock can't show his true feelings for A-train

Eddie: Why did i come in to the ring again?

Can you smell !!!!!!!!!.............our armpits??

Rikishi shows how many moves he knows.

Rikishi: Look harder it is in there somewhere.

Heyman, explains that his sillicons where bigger before they where removed.

Rey: No i ain't joking, she is gonna hit you,look behind you. Brain: That is the oldest trick in the book.

Benoit pulled of a new move: The Nose turn

Brock: Awww...Gold shiny...Nice round thing...gold shiny...Awww

Heyman: Was happy that brock tried to spell ball. Brock Buh...Buh...BULL
Heyman: Ehm..Noh..Ba...ohw well HAHAHA... Brock: BULL!!!!!!! HHAHAHA

Ahhh!!! Bull...bull...bull... Heyman: oh he is helpless

Brock: Bull! Shannon: No girl... Brock: Bull!!! Shannon: No girl!! Brock: GAY???
Shannon: Yeah that's fine with me.

Shannon made up a song: Brock hold me closer, hold your armes around me, hold me close.

Holly: I like you, you, you, but you i dont like you.

These ones arent as good as yours Corkscrewed but i thought i give a try

**Tornado** · 12-19-2003, 06:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Corkscrewed

Rikishi was in the middle of the pose when........................... UH OH!

Looks like we have a new running joke....

**AareDub** · 12-19-2003, 11:42 AM

Rikishi celebrates, totally unaware that Eddie Guerrero has his head stuck in the folds of fat on Rikishi's back.

12-19-2003, 01:13 PM

After Vince told Cena that Big Show was going over in thier feud, Cena took matters into his own hands and held the whole arena captive, threatning he'll push it.

The ring announcer started giggling at Cena's apparent threat and a pissed Cena showed him the real meaning of "You can't see me," by showering him with pepper spray.

Orlando Jordan was so hungry for a push, he decided to eat Big Show's leg.

Tinkerbell and the Bashams tried to help Rikishi fly, but even Rikishi couldn't think lovely thoughts with his current role in the WWE.

***Hopes somebody gets the reference

Goro, disguised as Nick Patrick makes a surprise appearence in the WWE.

Cat, "Vince, What the hell were you doing to Sean O'Hiare in that dark room before. I kept hearing the voice of a machine yelling 'You love wrestling on Velocity...But I'm not telling you anything you don't already know'' over and over again.

Vince, "You heard that"

Some might say that the WWE's baptism of Rey Mysterio Jr. on Smackdown was a little over the top.

Pulumbo, "Hey Chris, I'm wrestling on Smackdown.
Benoit, "Why me, Why me."

Heyman, "OK Brock, so your going to pick a ball and whomever''s finisher is written on the ball will be banned in the WWE."

Heyman, Oh, you picked "The Gore"
Brock, "Is this really someone's finisher."
Heyman, "Not anymore"

Heyman, "What did you pick now Brock."
Brock (reads Brock Lock), "UM...This one's hard to read, I'll go again."

Holly counts how many people are still in the arena after he made his appearence.

Holly, "26 27 28 Hey that guy fell asleep at the door, does he count."

**Kane Knight** · 12-19-2003, 02:35 PM

Cena's Freddie Mercury impression met with mixed responses.

Paul Bearer would soon pay for his interruption.

Big Show sighed with relief, knowing that this forced blowjob would be written off by marks as an "initiation."

"because of your recent failures, I've traded you to Sci-Fi for their Expos� on Bigfoot."

A-Train was unsure if he should criticise Brocks new WWE tattoo.

Eddie was such a slick thief that he managed to steal Lance Storm's penis and use it as a foreign weapon.

...Only to be lost in a moment of shock for all involved...

Rikishi decided Eddie would be a nice post-sodomy snack.

In an attempted heel turn, Rikishi estimates the IQ of the audience.

Suddenly, Rikishi's bowels open up, and the Smackdown Roster is doubled...

"Now let's fidn out who you REALLY are!"

*Crack*

Ref: Uhhhhh...I don't think that was a disguise, Shaniqua.

"At last! The scientific circles laughed at me...but now, I'M laughing! Finally...I have created a woman more plastic than her outfit! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

"How DARE you kiss me? That's $500, Mister!"

"Here's the problem: We already have a dancing black man in the WWE. I have a proposal, however: How would you like to be my new house boy?"

"Put it on my tab, Sable."

It was bad enough that Noble was riding Mysterio like a pony, but now the ref was trying to feed him a lump of sugar, too.

Brian informed Mysterio that he was in violation of the restraining order on Miss McMahon.

"Why? Cousin It? Why did you screw me out of a win?"

Palumbo never let a match interrupt his "Backdoor Shenanigans" with the Fully Bi Itallians.

Benoit forced his way into the action.

"And THIS is for shoving me into that electric fence!"

Heyman: Go force, my plastic floozy, and RUIN Vince McMahon!

To celebrate the new Casino format of Smackdown, Heyman did "The Chop."

Heyman and Brock both laughed at the poor spelling of the stage hands.

"Sha-Sha...Sha-nnon...Reading is hard."

"I know you're dating Hardy, but do you have a sister or something?"

Ref: I'll be darned. You CAN 69 while standing.

His lack of wrestling skill undisputable, Hardcore Holly attempts to prove his lack of limbo ability.

Ref: OKAY! OKAY! I BELIEVE YOU! YOUR ASS-MASTER IS WORKING!

Hardcore, your spelling bee word this week is "Over."

Hardcore: I'd like to buy a vowel...

**loopydate** · 12-19-2003, 02:57 PM

Typical WWE Writers' Thinking Volume 8,549,176,320: "If It Works Once, It Always Works"

Since Steve Austin got over by being a rebel who went against the grain, so John Cena will. Steve Austin got over by beating up people for no apparent reason, so John Cena will (so says Mr. Hayes). Steve Austin got over by having beers tossed to him after his matches. Here is where the change comes: Austin was a drunken redneck, Cena was a rapper. How do you solve it? Have them throw him microphones!

(Okay, that was way too complicated. Sorry.)

John didn't mean to stare. He really didn't. But you don't see that many people who have been genetically engineered to have hands where their faces should be.

Big Show sitting on him was bad enough, but Orlando got pissed when he started singing the "Watch Me While I Hold Down Talent" song.

HEYMAN: No, I swear. I saw this on a Christmas special.
TRAIN: I don't care what you saw. I'm NOT jumping off the arena!
HEYMAN: But "Bumbles" bounce!

BROCK: Pbbbt.

Eddie smirked. He'd been watching Univision. He now knew a THIRD Spanish phrase... Mi perro es rojo y gordo. Bilingual fans wondered why Eddie was so happy that his dog was red and fat.

-BACKSTAGE-
HEYMAN: I can't believe they bought it!
DAWN: This is great!
HEYMAN: I can't believe Scotty believed you when you told him that he was the new Green Lantern!
DAWN: Well what about yours? Rikishi "Atlas" Phatu? BRILLIANT!

CHARLIE: Okay, 6:1 Rikishi eats Eddie.
SHELTON: You're on.

Fat and lazy, Rikishi no longer raised the roof himself. Instead, he pointed in the direction he wanted the contracters to move it.

The 'fro worked for Lamont. Not so much for 'Kish.

SHELTON: Shaniqua shall have her Adam's apple!

HEYMAN: That's right, Holly. Tonight, you face the Big Show, Matt Morgan, and the A-Train with your tag team partner...Thumbelina! Go get 'em, Lina!
DAWN: I can see myself in your scalp...

SABLE: Yarrrrrrr! Avast, ye scurvy dogs! Ye'll walk the plank or I'll keelhaul ya! Yarrrrr!
CAT: Yeah, I liked "Pirates of the Caribbean" too...
SABLE: Yarrrrr!

VINCE: Bang!

Vince was grateful that Sable was there to hold the flesh to his cheek. Looks like he needed to schedule ANOTHER appointment with his plastic surgeon...

HEBNERNEEZER SCROOGE: Christmas, you say? Bah! Humbug! You'll be wrestling next week. AND I'll be taking your mask...

Rey tried to warn Hebnerneezer, but it was too late. The Ghost of Christmas Future was there to show him his fate.

JAMIE: Oh, mah God! Somebody shrunk Sean O'Haire!
O'HAIRE: You're not telling me anything I didn't already know.

CHUCK: That's right, ref. Now you shake it all about!

SHANIQUA (offstage): Seriously, Chris, it's okay! I already got one!

RHYNO: Hey, 'Nique! Need a spine?

HEYMAN: And then Vince takes off his energy mask...and he's Cameron Diaz!
DAWN: You have GOT to stop eating Taco Bell after midnight.

BROCK: I am NOT getting in that.

HEYMAN: Ha ha! That's right, Brock. After her surgery, Nidia's melons WERE sore!

SHANNON: I can't believe they're making me wrestle in a corset!

Hebner knew to duck when the Frost Titan of the North did his weekly run-in.
(OLD SCHOOL!)

BROCK: Paul? The chicken inside this egg is writing me messages!

Hardcore tried to find his fan.

Matt howled in terror as Shannon began devouring his foot.

Nope, he's not there either.

**Kane Knight** · 12-19-2003, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by loopydate

Fat and lazy, Rikishi no longer raised the roof himself. Instead, he pointed in the direction he wanted the contracters to move it.

*LMAO*

AWESOME!

**Kenny** · 12-19-2003, 03:20 PM

To honor the recent capturing of Sadam. The WWE sent Cena out to pose like the Statue of Liberty for the full first segment of the show.

The ring announcer thought it would be a good idea to tickle Cena's under arms to make this 10 minute pose difficult, and Cena was not happy about it.

In order to stop the crowds "Boring" chants. Big Show began pretending to skull f*ck Orlando Jordan as the ref did his Jeff Hardy impression.

Paul Heyman: Tonight you're going to face Brock Lesnar, the greatest WWE champion on a match of your choosing.

A-Train: I bet I can hold my hands to my hips longer than Brock can hold the microphone to his chin.

Not only did Brock Lesnar win the match, but finally found a way to use a mic without hurting his character.

Eddie began to laugh as he noticed not one fan spelled his last name right on their signs.

The crowd was not pleased as Scotty and Rikishi stole Hurricane and Rosie's gimmick... as they both tried to fly out of the ring.

Eddie and Chavo tried desperately to counter the double headlock with a super double wedgie.

Rikishi attempted to fly like Rosie yet one more time, and believe it or not it worked....

But he then broke concintration and fell ass first on to the Bashams.

Scotty Too Hotty finally got some pay back for putting bleach spots in Benjamin's hair.

Dawn: I'll show you my tits if you do a spin-a-roonie.

Paul: Okay!

The WWE decided to give the dentist gimmick another try as the Cat began to check out Sable's cavity in her front tooth.

In an attempt to get laid, Vince came out and offered to pay the bill...

and it worked.

Noble: Check him ref!

Noble: Not his palse you dim wit!

The Ref tried desperately to help Rey Mysterio with his shyness problem around women.

This week, playing the part of Nidia.. Sean O'Haire!

Palumbo held Benoit back as the ref repeatedly pimp slapped Benoit in the head.

Benoit did his best to help the recovering Alcoholic Palumbo by holding him back from the beer man.

Realizing his career was going nowhere, Faarooq tried to choke himself to death with the bottom rope. Luckily Rhyno made it just in time to pull him off.

Dawn: Okay, you did a spin-a-rooney, the Edge and Christian 5 second pose, all of the Hogan taunts, and the people's eye browl. But... if you REALLY want to see my tits you'll run around like the Ultimate Warrior!!!

Heyman caught Brock off gaurd as he gave him a "Tatanka Chop" as part of Dawns dares.

Heyman finally got to see Dawns tits in exchange to see his balls. Brock and Heyman laugh as they were really SHANNON MOORE'S balls... torn off by the Big Show 2 weeks ago.

Brock decided to keep one. The other can be bought by Hacksaw Jim Duggan on Ebay.

Shannon: Ha.. those aren't really even my balls STUPID!

After checking, it was confirmed that they were in fact Shannon's balls.

Hardcore Holly, having eye's like a hawk actually spotted his fan last Thursday.

Matt Morgan accidentally kicks the Refs hand off when he goes to kick Shannon Moore in the face.

Patricks hand can also be bought off of Hacksaw Jim Duggan on Ebay.

Hardcore: Holy shit.. I found 2 this week!

**El Santo** · 12-19-2003, 09:24 PM

Muhahahaha.

@ Cork: The "Iron Core" captions ruled!

**Corkscrewed** · 12-20-2003, 03:12 AM

LMAO at:

(from Loopydate)
- Rikishi raising the roof
- Big Show's song
- Hebnereezer Scrooge

(from Kenny)
- Jim Duggan gags
- Shannon's balls

**Corkscrewed** · 12-20-2003, 03:17 AM

Ref: "Hey, Eddie! Rikishi's between us. You can't see me!!"
Eddie: *groan*

Eventually, after the wrestlers started getting really cautious, Rhyno had to use more obvious measures to get his crazy glue tricks to work.

**Sting Fan** · 12-20-2003, 03:38 AM

Brock decided he liked the look of Shaniquas home made person so he figured he would make one for himself. And he knew just where to find some help.

Benoit to himself "First Shaniqua now Brock a few more customers like this and i can buy this stinking company then i might actualy win a world title".

Or

"If i can just steal palumbos jaw i could beat HHH to death with it and actualy bring some credibility to at least one belt on Raw".

12-19-2003, 04:05 AM	#1
Corkscrewed Posts: 18,357	WWE SmackDOWN! Captions [12-18-2003] When Cena's invisible giant frient, George, wanted to talk, everyone listened. Cena: "Why weren't you listening to George?????" Oh man... this is just begging for a gay joke... Oh well, I can't resist... Technical wrestling hating, hoss loving (and I mean loving) Dark_Kane makes his WWE debut against Big Show. OR Big Show was getting too much pleasure out of this that a giant hand had to come out and knock him out. Heyman: "So you're telling me you're not the abominable snowman?" A-Train was a little wary when Brock invited him to a Teletubbies pajama slumber party. You couldn't tell directly from this pic, but the WWE finally found a perfect position to put Chavo. Rikishi was in the middle of the pose when........................... UH OH! Los Guerreros glanced over to the ref to see what move to do next, but the signs were just too confusing! Rikishi indicates how many victories he gets a year, as per his new contract. Giving opponents the Stinkface really intensified Rikishi's BATTLE AURA. Shelton "No I Swear Charlie Haas Didn't Do It First" Benjamin opens up his own chiropractor business. Great angle, eh? Sometimes, Heyman wondered if squeezing Dawn Marie's breasts hard enough would pop the silicone. As you can see, someone called Cat's [white] momma. And she wasn't happy. Vince: "I actually signed off on your push??? What the hell was I drinking that night??" Vince starts his new MILF gimmick by making out with the Cat's momma. Both Mysterio and Noble agreed that Brian Hebner's childish actions were going a bit too far. Hebner: (poking Rey's throat) "Does it hurt here?" Rey: "Yes." Hebner: (poking Rey's throat) "Does it hurt here?" Rey: "Yes." Hebner: (poking Rey's throat) "Does it hurt here?" Rey: "Yes." Hebner: (poking Rey's throat) "Does it hurt here?" Rey: "Yes." Hebner: (poking Rey's throat) "Does it hurt here?" Rey: "Dammit, will you cut it out???" Rey: "Watch out, Brian! There's a strange chick who's going to flash you right behind you!" The dark-skinned fan on the left laughed when he saw the effects of the laxative that he had put in Noble's food take effect. A stray arm flying about. Palumbo trying to remove Benoit's jaw. Chris had the strangest feeling that things were going the opposite of what they should. Ah! That was more like it! Rhyno: "No!!! My! Blue! Twizzler!!!" OR At least, Rhyno's crazy glue jokes backfired when Farooq got stuck on his precious giant blue Twizzler ropes. Okay, Dawn Marie's face leaves something to be desired, but yeah, WHAT a body! Heyman: "So Doctor Dawn, I have these dreams where I'm brutally murdering Vince over and over again for taking out ECW. What does this mean?" Brock wasn't to keen on the new idea that people draw their pushes from a tumbler. Heyman: "See, Brock? As shown from this notated model, the Earth DOES have an iron core!" OR Brock, acting as proxy for Sean O'Haire's fate, giggled in relief that it wasn't him when he drew out: "Mine the ore." Lesnar: "I'll be damned... an iron core." Brock: (thinking) 'Hey... that girl is kinda cute..." Brock and Shannon weren't exactly the best when it came to Twister. Hardcore Holly tries to summon a spell that will make fans like him. The Matt Morgan Protractor automatically alerts you with a large growl when it hits exactly 90 degrees! Order at WWE Shopzone. Holly: "Crowdeus Lovemeus... Abra Popdabra... Hopular Popular... Damn, I better get the right spell quick before I'm buried again for good!"

12-19-2003, 05:16 AM	#4
Vega Only Sane Person Here Posts: 17,983	When John Cena forgot his line, he decided to try the "raise the arm" trick he saw on TV in hopes of everyone in the arena passing out. When John Cena revealed who the real cookie thief was, all eyes turned to the ring announcer. At first it was kinda weird, but after a while Big Show started liking random jobbers coming up and humping his leg. The guy sitting in the chair near the ring hopes nobody notices him masterbating to A-Train's manly body. BROCK: Let's just hope that the terminator in the audience isn't looking for us. Eddie laughed as he realized he could do whatever he wanted, since all people were paying attention to was the fight going on behind him. The ring announcer always decided to make his moves on Rikishi at the most inappropriate times. The ref was so bored he decided to see if the "shake hand to get multiple fingers illusion" worked against the titantron. When Rikishi suddenly forgot how to wrestle, he attempted to repeat what Cena did earlier in attempt of getting everyone to pass out. WHAT DID YOU EAT? REF: Shelton, you put him to sleep again! SHELTON: Whoa! The sleeper move really works? REF: No, he was watching the match on the titantron. HEYMAN: That damn Booker T....I was the one that came up with the spinaroonie! SABLE: OJ, right? Vince: Yeah? Well the Terminator over there says YOU'RE the pansy, and if you have any beef with him to meet him in the parking lot. Only a few more inches, and Sable would be in reach of the bill clip in Vince's shirt pocket... SOTWISTED: Dale, did you fart again? NEWSTEAD: No, I swear it wasn't me! (but seriously, look at the 2 people in the audience on the left front row ) The WWE superstars start up another game of freeze tag. NOBLE: Aww, why'd you have to tag me? Palumbo and Benoit wonder how long it's going to be before someone works up the nerve to run in the ring and unfreeze them. In response to Shelton Benjamin's Chiropractic service, Benoit provides some competition with a Chiropractor service of his own. Rhyno, try as he might couldn't remove himself from Farooq. Meanwhile, the ref decides to see just how sticky Rhyno really was. Dawn wonders if her dress, made entirely out of twisslers, was covering too much up. Brock: Wow, this new penis protector works great. Heyman: Brock, write down the last good president and vice president we had on that ball. Ah, memories. With celberities talking about politics, Michael Moore appeared out of nowhere... Brock: WTF? I didn't know this was going to be an intergender mat...oh. The ref figures he's next, so he assumes the position. Hardcore Holly begins to indicate the percent chance he has of winning next week by starting with the negative sign. It turns out that the terminator had morphed into the ref all along...and a half second later we found out who he was after, with Matt Morgan's leg chopped in half. Holly returns in hopes that his new WWE tatoo will get him over. Last edited by Vega; 12-19-2003 at 05:40 AM.

12-19-2003, 01:13 PM	#9
Loose Cannon Guest Posts: n/a	After Vince told Cena that Big Show was going over in thier feud, Cena took matters into his own hands and held the whole arena captive, threatning he'll push it. The ring announcer started giggling at Cena's apparent threat and a pissed Cena showed him the real meaning of "You can't see me," by showering him with pepper spray. Orlando Jordan was so hungry for a push, he decided to eat Big Show's leg. Tinkerbell and the Bashams tried to help Rikishi fly, but even Rikishi couldn't think lovely thoughts with his current role in the WWE. **Hopes somebody gets the reference Goro, disguised as Nick Patrick makes a surprise appearence in the WWE. Cat, "Vince, What the hell were you doing to Sean O'Hiare in that dark room before. I kept hearing the voice of a machine yelling 'You love wrestling on Velocity...But I'm not telling you anything you don't already know'' over and over again. Vince, "You heard that" Some might say that the WWE's baptism of Rey Mysterio Jr. on Smackdown was a little over the top. Pulumbo, "Hey Chris, I'm wrestling on Smackdown. Benoit, "Why me, Why me." Heyman, "OK Brock, so your going to pick a ball and whomever''s finisher is written on the ball will be banned in the WWE." Heyman, Oh, you picked "The Gore" Brock, "Is this really someone's finisher." Heyman, "Not anymore" Heyman, "What did you pick now Brock." Brock (reads Brock Lock), "UM...This one's hard to read, I'll go again." Holly counts how many people are still in the arena after he made his appearence. Holly, "26 27 28 Hey that guy fell asleep at the door, does he count." Last edited by Loose Cannon; 12-19-2003 at 05:46 PM.*

12-19-2003, 03:20 PM	#13
Kenny Luke 15:11-32 Posts: 3,933	To honor the recent capturing of Sadam. The WWE sent Cena out to pose like the Statue of Liberty for the full first segment of the show. The ring announcer thought it would be a good idea to tickle Cena's under arms to make this 10 minute pose difficult, and Cena was not happy about it. In order to stop the crowds "Boring" chants. Big Show began pretending to skull fck Orlando Jordan as the ref did his Jeff Hardy impression. Paul Heyman: Tonight you're going to face Brock Lesnar, the greatest WWE champion on a match of your choosing. A-Train: I bet I can hold my hands to my hips longer than Brock can hold the microphone to his chin. Not only did Brock Lesnar win the match, but finally found a way to use a mic without hurting his character. Eddie began to laugh as he noticed not one fan spelled his last name right on their signs. The crowd was not pleased as Scotty and Rikishi stole Hurricane and Rosie's gimmick... as they both tried to fly out of the ring. Eddie and Chavo tried desperately to counter the double headlock with a super double wedgie. Rikishi attempted to fly like Rosie yet one more time, and believe it or not it worked.... But he then broke concintration and fell ass first on to the Bashams. Scotty Too Hotty finally got some pay back for putting bleach spots in Benjamin's hair. Dawn: I'll show you my tits if you do a spin-a-roonie. Paul: Okay! The WWE decided to give the dentist gimmick another try as the Cat began to check out Sable's cavity in her front tooth. In an attempt to get laid, Vince came out and offered to pay the bill... and it worked. Noble: Check him ref! Noble: Not his palse you dim wit! The Ref tried desperately to help Rey Mysterio with his shyness problem around women. This week, playing the part of Nidia.. Sean O'Haire! Palumbo held Benoit back as the ref repeatedly pimp slapped Benoit in the head. Benoit did his best to help the recovering Alcoholic Palumbo by holding him back from the beer man. Realizing his career was going nowhere, Faarooq tried to choke himself to death with the bottom rope. Luckily Rhyno made it just in time to pull him off. Dawn: Okay, you did a spin-a-rooney, the Edge and Christian 5 second pose, all of the Hogan taunts, and the people's eye browl. But... if you REALLY want to see my tits you'll run around like the Ultimate Warrior!!! Heyman caught Brock off gaurd as he gave him a "Tatanka Chop" as part of Dawns dares. Heyman finally got to see Dawns tits in exchange to see his balls. Brock and Heyman laugh as they were really SHANNON MOORE'S balls... torn off by the Big Show 2 weeks ago. Brock decided to keep one. The other can be bought by Hacksaw Jim Duggan on Ebay. Shannon: Ha.. those aren't really even my balls STUPID! After checking, it was confirmed that they were in fact Shannon's balls. Hardcore Holly, having eye's like a hawk actually spotted his fan last Thursday. Matt Morgan accidentally kicks the Refs hand off when he goes to kick Shannon Moore in the face. Patricks hand can also be bought off of Hacksaw Jim Duggan on Ebay. Hardcore: Holy shit.. I found 2 this week! Last edited by Kenny; 12-19-2003 at 03:25 PM. Reason: Typo's*

12-19-2003, 04:57 AM	#2
StoneColdStunner Posts: 100	I liked the one with Big Show and Dark Kane actually all of it rules

12-19-2003, 05:07 AM	#3
KayfabeMan TPWW's Glass Ceiling Posts: 5,793	Pretending not to notice the silence,Hardcore Holly warns the fans to be quiet... Not used to selling for someone,Lesnar botches a hurricanrana. Thinking he was still running ECW,Heyman turned WWE's home venue into a bingo hall; OR - Heyman tries to convince Lesnar to buy the new WWE Popcorn Maker.... Lesnar helps Heyman's bingo cause by calling numbers for him; OR - Slowly evolving,Lesnar learned how to say "Ball....round". Somehow Edge just wasn't as imposing wearing pink sneakers.... Sable warns The Cat to call his momma using 1-800-COLLECT Continuing with unrealistic angles,WWE had Thing Addams make his SD! debut by warning Chuck that Morticia had been arrested. Realizing that this could be his last televised match,Palumbo waves goodbye to his fan(s)..... WWE attempts to capitalize on Michael Jackson's recent popularity increase,by having Rikishi's hair catch on fire while he performs..... Listening to the Colts game on an earpiece,Rikishi celebrates as they make a game winning fieldgoal; OR - In another attempt to capitalize on once popular gimmicks,WWE has Rikishi do the "Men On A Mission" dance.... Noticing his back pocket out,and having the referee as a witness, Cena confronts the announcer about his missing wallet.... Aware of his mental illness,Dawn Marie plays along as Heyman thinks he is Booker T..... Proving why WWE refuses to let 2 employees use the same first name at the same time,Vince McMahon asks "Jerry Lawler married YOU?"....

12-19-2003, 05:24 AM	#5
Vega Only Sane Person Here Posts: 17,983	BTW, LOL @ Corkscrewed's Holly ones

12-19-2003, 05:27 AM	#6
StoneColdStunner Posts: 100	Cena: This my friends is a microphone! And then everybody was stunned. Big Show: this is what is smells like when you win a match. Heyman: A-Train...will you....will you mary me? Brock was angry about heyman asking A-train to marry him. As Brock can't show his true feelings for A-train Eddie: Why did i come in to the ring again? Can you smell !!!!!!!!!.............our armpits?? Rikishi shows how many moves he knows. Rikishi: Look harder it is in there somewhere. Heyman, explains that his sillicons where bigger before they where removed. Rey: No i ain't joking, she is gonna hit you,look behind you. Brain: That is the oldest trick in the book. Benoit pulled of a new move: The Nose turn Brock: Awww...Gold shiny...Nice round thing...gold shiny...Awww Heyman: Was happy that brock tried to spell ball. Brock Buh...Buh...BULL Heyman: Ehm..Noh..Ba...ohw well HAHAHA... Brock: BULL!!!!!!! HHAHAHA Ahhh!!! Bull...bull...bull... Heyman: oh he is helpless Brock: Bull! Shannon: No girl... Brock: Bull!!! Shannon: No girl!! Brock: GAY??? Shannon: Yeah that's fine with me. Shannon made up a song: Brock hold me closer, hold your armes around me, hold me close. Holly: I like you, you, you, but you i dont like you. These ones arent as good as yours Corkscrewed but i thought i give a try

12-19-2003, 11:42 AM	#8
AareDub I Hate Bottles Posts: 4,362	Rikishi celebrates, totally unaware that Eddie Guerrero has his head stuck in the folds of fat on Rikishi's back.

12-19-2003, 02:35 PM	#10
Kane Knight Ron Paul 4 EVA Posts: 152,467	Cena's Freddie Mercury impression met with mixed responses. Paul Bearer would soon pay for his interruption. Big Show sighed with relief, knowing that this forced blowjob would be written off by marks as an "initiation." "because of your recent failures, I've traded you to Sci-Fi for their Expos� on Bigfoot." A-Train was unsure if he should criticise Brocks new WWE tattoo. Eddie was such a slick thief that he managed to steal Lance Storm's penis and use it as a foreign weapon. ...Only to be lost in a moment of shock for all involved... Rikishi decided Eddie would be a nice post-sodomy snack. In an attempted heel turn, Rikishi estimates the IQ of the audience. Suddenly, Rikishi's bowels open up, and the Smackdown Roster is doubled... "Now let's fidn out who you REALLY are!" Crack Ref: Uhhhhh...I don't think that was a disguise, Shaniqua. "At last! The scientific circles laughed at me...but now, I'M laughing! Finally...I have created a woman more plastic than her outfit! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" "How DARE you kiss me? That's $500, Mister!" "Here's the problem: We already have a dancing black man in the WWE. I have a proposal, however: How would you like to be my new house boy?" "Put it on my tab, Sable." It was bad enough that Noble was riding Mysterio like a pony, but now the ref was trying to feed him a lump of sugar, too. Brian informed Mysterio that he was in violation of the restraining order on Miss McMahon. "Why? Cousin It? Why did you screw me out of a win?" Palumbo never let a match interrupt his "Backdoor Shenanigans" with the Fully Bi Itallians. Benoit forced his way into the action. "And THIS is for shoving me into that electric fence!" Heyman: Go force, my plastic floozy, and RUIN Vince McMahon! To celebrate the new Casino format of Smackdown, Heyman did "The Chop." Heyman and Brock both laughed at the poor spelling of the stage hands. "Sha-Sha...Sha-nnon...Reading is hard." "I know you're dating Hardy, but do you have a sister or something?" Ref: I'll be darned. You CAN 69 while standing. His lack of wrestling skill undisputable, Hardcore Holly attempts to prove his lack of limbo ability. Ref: OKAY! OKAY! I BELIEVE YOU! YOUR ASS-MASTER IS WORKING! Hardcore, your spelling bee word this week is "Over." Hardcore: I'd like to buy a vowel...

12-19-2003, 02:57 PM	#11
loopydate FIT Challenge Slag People Posts: 13,816	Typical WWE Writers' Thinking Volume 8,549,176,320: "If It Works Once, It Always Works" Since Steve Austin got over by being a rebel who went against the grain, so John Cena will. Steve Austin got over by beating up people for no apparent reason, so John Cena will (so says Mr. Hayes). Steve Austin got over by having beers tossed to him after his matches. Here is where the change comes: Austin was a drunken redneck, Cena was a rapper. How do you solve it? Have them throw him microphones! (Okay, that was way too complicated. Sorry.) John didn't mean to stare. He really didn't. But you don't see that many people who have been genetically engineered to have hands where their faces should be. Big Show sitting on him was bad enough, but Orlando got pissed when he started singing the "Watch Me While I Hold Down Talent" song. HEYMAN: No, I swear. I saw this on a Christmas special. TRAIN: I don't care what you saw. I'm NOT jumping off the arena! HEYMAN: But "Bumbles" bounce! BROCK: Pbbbt. Eddie smirked. He'd been watching Univision. He now knew a THIRD Spanish phrase... Mi perro es rojo y gordo. Bilingual fans wondered why Eddie was so happy that his dog was red and fat. -BACKSTAGE- HEYMAN: I can't believe they bought it! DAWN: This is great! HEYMAN: I can't believe Scotty believed you when you told him that he was the new Green Lantern! DAWN: Well what about yours? Rikishi "Atlas" Phatu? BRILLIANT! CHARLIE: Okay, 6:1 Rikishi eats Eddie. SHELTON: You're on. Fat and lazy, Rikishi no longer raised the roof himself. Instead, he pointed in the direction he wanted the contracters to move it. The 'fro worked for Lamont. Not so much for 'Kish. SHELTON: Shaniqua shall have her Adam's apple! HEYMAN: That's right, Holly. Tonight, you face the Big Show, Matt Morgan, and the A-Train with your tag team partner...Thumbelina! Go get 'em, Lina! DAWN: I can see myself in your scalp... SABLE: Yarrrrrrr! Avast, ye scurvy dogs! Ye'll walk the plank or I'll keelhaul ya! Yarrrrr! CAT: Yeah, I liked "Pirates of the Caribbean" too... SABLE: Yarrrrr! VINCE: Bang! Vince was grateful that Sable was there to hold the flesh to his cheek. Looks like he needed to schedule ANOTHER appointment with his plastic surgeon... HEBNERNEEZER SCROOGE: Christmas, you say? Bah! Humbug! You'll be wrestling next week. AND I'll be taking your mask... Rey tried to warn Hebnerneezer, but it was too late. The Ghost of Christmas Future was there to show him his fate. JAMIE: Oh, mah God! Somebody shrunk Sean O'Haire! O'HAIRE: You're not telling me anything I didn't already know. CHUCK: That's right, ref. Now you shake it all about! SHANIQUA (offstage): Seriously, Chris, it's okay! I already got one! RHYNO: Hey, 'Nique! Need a spine? HEYMAN: And then Vince takes off his energy mask...and he's Cameron Diaz! DAWN: You have GOT to stop eating Taco Bell after midnight. BROCK: I am NOT getting in that. HEYMAN: Ha ha! That's right, Brock. After her surgery, Nidia's melons WERE sore! SHANNON: I can't believe they're making me wrestle in a corset! Hebner knew to duck when the Frost Titan of the North did his weekly run-in. (OLD SCHOOL!) BROCK: Paul? The chicken inside this egg is writing me messages! Hardcore tried to find his fan. Matt howled in terror as Shannon began devouring his foot. Nope, he's not there either.

12-19-2003, 09:24 PM	#14
El Santo One Man Horror Show Posts: 1,046	Muhahahaha. @ Cork: The "Iron Core" captions ruled!

12-20-2003, 03:12 AM	#15
Corkscrewed Posts: 18,357	LMAO at: (from Loopydate) - Rikishi raising the roof - Big Show's song - Hebnereezer Scrooge (from Kenny) - Jim Duggan gags - Shannon's balls

12-20-2003, 03:17 AM	#16
Corkscrewed Posts: 18,357	Ref: "Hey, Eddie! Rikishi's between us. You can't see me!!" Eddie: groan Eventually, after the wrestlers started getting really cautious, Rhyno had to use more obvious measures to get his crazy glue tricks to work.

12-20-2003, 03:38 AM	#17
Sting Fan Blander Than Ever Posts: 3,092	Brock decided he liked the look of Shaniquas home made person so he figured he would make one for himself. And he knew just where to find some help. Benoit to himself "First Shaniqua now Brock a few more customers like this and i can buy this stinking company then i might actualy win a world title". Or "If i can just steal palumbos jaw i could beat HHH to death with it and actualy bring some credibility to at least one belt on Raw".