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Old 08-23-2012, 11:55 PM   #1
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Lock Jaw tries to watch a month of *shudder* ROH
Against my best judgement, I will be doing this. From the creators of the "Lock Jaw tries to watch a month of TNA" thread.

People don't seem to even bother uploading the show on youtube, so I had to wait for today (Thursday), when the new episodes are posted on the ROH website.

Apparently they just had some sort of PPV, so this is the first post-PPV show.

- Opens up with a review of the Tag Team situation. Apparently Kenny King was one half of the champs when he left. So now there will be a tag title tournament for the vacant titles....... which will start next week. Why open the show advertising something for next week? Do something that makes the viewer want to watch THIS WEEK.

- Man, these fans look like the worst kind of people.

- Ok. World title match for later in the show, apparently. Unfortunately it features Homicide, who I just can't buy as a legit world title contender. Still would have been good to announce this at the beginning of the show rather than the thing for next week.

- Some chick vs Sara Del Rey up first. This Sara chick is reputedly good, but doesn't seem to know where the hard camera is. Audio really needs work on this show. Girls exchanging kicks, Nigel comments "Listen to those kicks!!" but we can barely hear them through the effect mics, which results in them not seeming so impressive. Sara wins with a finisher that might have been more impressive if I could hear the impact. Maria comes out. They are apparently feuding and Maria is apparently the heel. Ok.

- Some dude named Adam Cole with the blandest promo ever promoting their next PPV event. Apparently he is some sort of champion, but I don't know which one, because he just kept referring to it as "this championship".

- Rhino out with some dude with weird hair. Apparently part of his "stable". The dude, named Truth, calls Cornette out. Says Rhino should be fighting for the world title. I think Rhino might be better on the mic than this Truth guy. Eddie Edwards out, apparently a former World Champ. Says him and Rhino are 1-1 against each other. Cornette makes a no DQ match for RIGHT NOW for #1 Contender for their next PPV.

- Man, the audio really sucks ass. They are exchanging knife edge chops, can barely hear the chops. Also, I've noticed that their jib keeps getting into their wide shots.... yet I have barely seen any shots from the jib.

- Rhino seems like he has a bit of a gut. Still looks better than Eddie Edwards as far as actually having any sort of a "look".

- WTF. Ok match going on. Rhino with a GORE through a table that was set up in the corner, ref IMMEDIATELY calls for the bell to stop the match. They are acting like it was the most devastating thing ever, and they Eddie Edwards is DEAD and INJURED and dozens of people immediately came out to check on him. Could have at least... I dunno... have him sell being hurt, and have the ref check on him for awhile before calling for the bell. Would get more "heat" that way. Oh well, at least Rhino gets the title shot rather than Generic Looking Man.

- Weird, though, I think Rhino is supposed to be a heel (but he was getting consistently cheered), and I think Steen is a heel as well. So gonna be a heel vs heel match at the PPV.

- Rhett Titus with a pretty bad 15 sec promo. Charlie Haas with an ok one. Both need to pick new partners because Kenny King is gone and Shelton Benjamin is suspended for being "excessively violent" or something. They should really introduce these guys, or at least give them name keys, because I had no clue who either were until they got a bit into their promos. Haas looks different.

- Mike Bennet with a surprisingly good show in his 15 sec promo. Actually seems to have something resembling a personality. Will have the chance to earn a TV Title shot next week or something.

- Now a 15 sec promo from Rhino and Truth. Already talking like the match happened weeks ago or something. Says he will become champion. Sure you will.

- World title match now. Homicide coming out to the TNA LAX theme. One of my favorite TNA themes. Of course... this is ROH. I guess no one cares enough to enforce copyright for them?

- Really weird. Kevin Steen is working THE EAR. Never seen that before. Apparently has some sort of "meaning" from a feud from NINE YEARS AGO between Homicide and Steve Corino or something. Steen wins with an F5 after some outside shenanigans from some coke fiend looking dude named Jimmy Jacobs. Decent match. Some big spots that seem like they should kill a dude/not be just a two count. Steve Corino was on commentary for the match and did a good job in his role. Never really seen any of Corino since I never watched ECW. Rhino out for the staredown after the match.

- Oh, and apparently the Steen/Jacobs/Corino stable is called "Scum". So they put over this "House of Truth" vs "Scum" thing. No idea who else is in this Truth guy's stable other than Rhino, though.

- All in all... I dunno. Terrible production value. Some generic looking and sounding wrasslers. Three matches in one hour, and one of them was a women's match.

I'll give it one more week at the very least. Will probably give up after that.

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Old 08-24-2012, 12:43 AM   #2
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Roh when it was on hdnet had decent production..I assume they are cutting back the budget pretty hard to save wat little money they have
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Old 08-24-2012, 01:21 AM   #3
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WTF happened to ROH? A few years ago weren't they were on a good path creatively and financially (for an indy)?
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Old 08-24-2012, 09:33 AM   #4
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WTF happened to ROH? A few years ago weren't they were on a good path creatively and financially (for an indy)?
Sinclair Broadcasting bought them and decided to burn their two major markets and establish ROH in Baltimore.
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Old 08-24-2012, 09:39 AM   #5
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WTF happened to ROH? A few years ago weren't they were on a good path creatively and financially (for an indy)?
Jim Cornette...
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Old 08-24-2012, 01:27 AM   #6
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No thanks.

Great review though.

For the record Truth Martini is one of my favorite people and one of the funniest guys I've ever hung out with......doesn't always translate to a show like this though.
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Old 08-24-2012, 02:56 AM   #7
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Just wait until they bring in Eddie Kingston from Chikara to feud with Eddie Edwards!
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Old 08-24-2012, 07:21 AM   #8
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I think i'm the only person that doesn't watch ROH regularly that likes Eddie Edwards.

I'm a sucker for underdogs
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Old 08-24-2012, 09:00 AM   #9
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One (of the many) things that fucking irritates me about ROH is how goddamn loud the ring is.
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Old 08-24-2012, 11:21 AM   #10
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Old 08-24-2012, 07:21 PM   #11
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Cornette and Sinclair Broadcasting happened to ROH. Plus, with guys like Punk and Bryan doing well in the WWE, there's more attention drawn to ROH than before. If ROH had another guy like that, they would get snatched up quick.
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Old 08-24-2012, 07:23 PM   #12
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now maybe I'm misunderstanding the post but did you just use an example of two of ROH's biggest ever "stars" being successful on "the biggest stage" and creating more exposure for them as a bad thing for ROH?
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Old 08-25-2012, 07:25 AM   #13
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now maybe I'm misunderstanding the post but did you just use an example of two of ROH's biggest ever "stars" being successful on "the biggest stage" and creating more exposure for them as a bad thing for ROH?
I mean, it's good in the sense that it will get more eyes on the product. However, once said eyes are on the product, there's not much to keep them there. If they had another Punk or Bryan, they would get snatched up quick is all I'm saying.
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Old 08-24-2012, 08:00 PM   #14
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ROH has sure lasted a long time, all things considered. Ever since they fired Gabe it's slowly gone downhill, and picked up a lot of speed when Sinclair bought them. I've rarely watched ROH TV of any kind but I have been too several shows in the past 6 years... and they were more bang for your buck than most WWE shows. But I tried the new TV show and hated it. Everything about it, it's exactly like what SMW would be if it would have made it to 2012.
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Old 08-25-2012, 01:12 AM   #15
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ROH has sure lasted a long time, all things considered. Ever since they fired Gabe it's slowly gone downhill, and picked up a lot of speed when Sinclair bought them. I've rarely watched ROH TV of any kind but I have been too several shows in the past 6 years... and they were more bang for your buck than most WWE shows. But I tried the new TV show and hated it. Everything about it, it's exactly like what SMW would be if it would have made it to 2012.
I'm still half expecting Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson to show up somehow in this tag team title tournament.
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Old 08-24-2012, 10:36 PM   #16
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I highly doubt Cornette's the problem this time. I think Sinclair Broadcasting is screwing them over like TNN did to ECW.
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Old 08-25-2012, 01:20 AM   #17
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I have the first four ROH shows on DVD. Is ROH today, as good as those shows, because I'd make more of an effort to watch it if it is.
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Old 08-25-2012, 06:37 AM   #18
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I have the first four ROH shows on DVD. Is ROH today, as good as those shows, because I'd make more of an effort to watch it if it is.
No, it's not. I used to be a big fan of ROH, but ever since this Sinclair purchase they've been shit. Most of their shows are boring, they will have one stand out match a card, which give or take your opinion on the wrestlers involved in that match, you might not be into it. Davey Richards has been producing classics, but his character is so fucking bland that no one cares. Scum, Michael Elgin, and Roderick Strong are about the only things interesting in ROH right now. And I'm pushing it with Michael Elgin. People might say I'm pushing it with Roderick Strong, but I love his cocky high school football captain gimmick.
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Old 08-25-2012, 08:45 AM   #19
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SCUM is awesome, the rest...

I used to be a huge ROH fan, but I really can't be forced to care about them right now. I think a lot of the problem is they lost most of the people who had a good presence, an they really have very, very few people on their roster currently who have a good presence and/or charisma.

I don't think anyone really has "It."
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Old 08-25-2012, 08:53 AM   #20
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It's pretty awful

Also very amusing that people are jumping on the "ROH sucks" bandwagon, since they were the same ones calling me a troll for saying that.


Yet again Gertner > you
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Old 08-25-2012, 09:02 AM   #21
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It's pretty awful

Also very amusing that people are jumping on the "ROH sucks" bandwagon, since they were the same ones calling me a troll for saying that.


Yet again Gertner > you
The one problem with your theory, is that most of the people are also saying it's gone downhill because of: A. The Roster. B. The Booking. Two things have have changed pretty drastically in the past 1-2 years.
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Old 08-25-2012, 09:14 AM   #22
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The one problem with your theory, is that most of the people are also saying it's gone downhill because of: A. The Roster. B. The Booking. Two things have have changed pretty drastically in the past 1-2 years.
Nothing has changed. It's a bunch of vanilla midgets cutting the same "grr I'm intense" promos, having the same matches forever.
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Old 08-25-2012, 09:02 AM   #23
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With that said, it is rather awful right now.
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Old 08-25-2012, 09:20 AM   #24
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Old 08-25-2012, 09:40 AM   #25
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I went and calculated using my workrateometer and ROH's workrate has dropped this year from a 8.7 to a 6.4
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Old 08-25-2012, 09:45 AM   #26
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The thing I like about ROH is that the arena looks like my shed.
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Old 08-25-2012, 09:46 AM   #27
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Gertner, you're such a hipster, thinking ROH was bad before it was cool to do so.
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Old 08-25-2012, 10:02 AM   #28
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Gertner, you're such a hipster, thinking ROH was bad before it was cool to do so.
I hated ROH before it even existed.
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Old 08-25-2012, 10:01 AM   #29
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ROH has always been bad. Its so low budget. Plus the rasslers are all like 5'9 170lbs. Don't know what that is in metric bc metric system is for commies and queers!
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Old 08-30-2012, 09:17 PM   #30
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Unfortunately, here I go again:

- Opens with a video recap package about Rhino earning the #1 Contendership. Desperately trying to make it seem more epic than it is.

- So tag team title tournament action. Apparently both Rhett Titus and Charlie Haas will be fighting on next week's show. Not against each other's teams. Both need to pick a partner because of their situations. Why have both "mystery partner" matches in one week? Should have had one tonight, and then one next week.

- Some team of generic looking black dudes (Coleman Alexander and somebody, C&C) now up against The Hardy Boyz, I mean Young Bucks. Matt Buck playing air guitar along with their entrance music, looking like a gigantic tool. Now Jeff Buck starts to air guitar after their music has stopped and they are being introduced, looking like an even bigger tool. This whole "Code of Honor" handshake thing is like the stupidest thing ever. And there they go air guitaring again. Man, hate them so much. Which is good because they are actually showing me some personality.

C&C just took out one of the Bucks and then hit like three big double team maneuvers on a row on the other one. For sure thought the match was done, but naturally he kicked out. Ok, now the same thing happened in reverse like two seconds later. The C&C guy kicked out as well.

Ok, now C&C wins with one of their dudes connecting with a top rope splash. Too bad. They showed me zero personality in that match. They both did some nice moves, but really felt like both teams were just going through the spots. Also, again, little to no selling of big moves.

Brief promo from C&C (or at least one of them) that also did not show any personality.

- Charlie Haas out for a promo, calls out Jim Cornette. Some really bad blatant editing here, his promo has been chopped. LOL over the top reaction by Cornette as he is interrupted by the music of who I can only assume is Rhett Titus. Rhett Titus pretty "terrible" on the mic.

Haas proposes that they become each other's partners and win the tag titles so they can then fight over them one on one, and he can win them for himself and Shelton. Rhett accepts. Don't see the advantage for Rhett Titus here. Either way he is going to eventually have to pick a new partner because his is gone. You'd think he would rather work with this new partner from the start. Rather than team with a dude he hates and then fight the dude for the right to then pick his own partner.

- Two newbies fighting now. "Tadarius Thomas" (obviously a black person name) vs. QT Marshall (Pronounced Mar-shell), who is wearing a robe with "God's Gift" sequined on the back. Already like this QT person, aside from his female sounding name, because it seems like he has some sort of actual gimmick. He took the mic fro two seconds to correct the announcer. One sentence and he is already miles ahead. LOL takes a lot of time taking off and folding his robe, goes to carefully hand it to some ringside crew member, but then just dumps it on the crew member's head. HEEL HEAT.

Ok, Tadarius is so far getting pretty much squashed but all the announcers are doing is putting him and his fighting style over. He eventually got a bit more offense in. A lot of fancy looking but weak looking kicks. QT eventually wins with an ALABAMA SLAMMA. Only took the one finishing move to win. He played the heel well during the match as well.

- Mini promo from Kevin Steen, where he yells a lot into Kevin Kelly's face who is doing his best not to crack up.

- Another mini promo from Kevin Steen where he does the exact same bit he just did, only with Steve Corino and Jimmy Jacobs.

- Mini promo from Truth Martini. Apparently he has a team in the tag team tournament. His team isn't with him, so I have no idea who they are.

- Mini promo from the Briscoe Brothers. These guys are not what I expected at all. I have heard of them before, and have heard IWC-Nerds go crazy over them. Was not expecting two rednecks/yokels who actually showed personality.

- Main event now. Six man match to decide the #1 contender for the TV title. Only two in at a time, you have to tag in/tag out. I smell a cluster**** coming.

LOL at the director. One dude goes charging towards the hard camera when he is introduced. Cuts to a cam where you can't see his face. Cuts back to the hard cam when the dude turns away from it. Never saw his face.

Ok, apparently if a dude gets thrown out/goes to the floor then he is no longer the legal man and the first one to enter the ring is. Weird.

Mike Mondo wins in a match where I had no idea what was going on half the time. Too bad. Lehal, Bennett, and Ciampa all have better looks.



And that's the show. I think, I dunno. I think I can fulfill my commitment of a month at least. Not so terrible that I just can't watch it. Probably won't be back after that. Not even coming close to making me want to watch regularly.
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Old 08-30-2012, 09:47 PM   #31
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truth martinis tag team that wasnt with him is actually the headbangers...just under masks
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Old 08-30-2012, 09:53 PM   #32
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Should just have them without masks and playing the exact same gimmick. Missed opportunity. Headbangers could be huge for ROH.
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Old 08-31-2012, 07:53 PM   #33
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Should just have them without masks and playing the exact same gimmick. Missed opportunity. Headbangers could be huge for ROH.
Personality is frowned upon in ROH
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Old 09-01-2012, 12:48 AM   #34
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Not gonna be reading this, but Lock Jaw don't do it, this is a massive waste of your life
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Old 09-01-2012, 01:04 AM   #35
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Not like I am doing anything better with it.
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Old 09-07-2012, 02:12 PM   #36
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Not like I am doing anything better with it.
You could take a couple of courses in scientology.
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Old 09-01-2012, 01:42 AM   #37
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Saw a couple promos from the Briscoes a while back and they impressed me. Feel like out of everyone in roh right now, they'd have the best shot of getting over in wwe.
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Old 09-01-2012, 02:18 AM   #38
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- Mini promo from the Briscoe Brothers. These guys are not what I expected at all. I have heard of them before, and have heard IWC-Nerds go crazy over them. Was not expecting two rednecks/yokels who actually showed personality.
Isn't that the point? I mean, I don't generally see people talking about some indy guy(s) like "You gotta see them; they're so shitty and untalented!" People who draw a following are usually good, maybe okay, or at least "shitty, but with loads of upside". If they stayed terrible, they would never keep people talking.


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Saw a couple promos from the Briscoes a while back and they impressed me. Feel like out of everyone in roh right now, they'd have the best shot of getting over in wwe.
Which goes back to a previously mentioned problem. If they ever get that call, you know damn well they're heading to Titan Towers, and ROH will have just lost 2 of their biggest talents. The lack of "big" talents is a factor* in what will keep ROH down, because nobody will stay to help make it bigger when "the major leagues" come a'courting. Anyone becoming large enough to become a bigger draw will leave for greener pastures. And I'll even include TNA in that.


*Not the factor, but it is a contributor.
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Old 09-01-2012, 09:32 AM   #39
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The Briscoes could get over as a hillbilly version of the Road Warriors, especially if they used the springboard doomsday device, which is just a badass finish. They could potentially be Steve Austin of the tag team division IF, and it's a big if, they can adapt to the WWE style. Also, WWE could make a shit ton of money if they could copyright "Man Up".
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Old 09-06-2012, 11:22 PM   #40
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So, I was honestly not even going to bother with this this week... but dunno. I am bored an have nothing better to do right now.

Then I wasn't going to bother commenting on my viewing experience, but... had to comment because coming out now are "The Bravado Brothers", and one of them literally looks like Howard from The Big Bang Theory. Very intimidating looking, in other words.

- Apparently the Bravado Brothers names are "Lancelot" and "Harlem". Harlem is not black. He is an equally skinny and non-threatening looking white guy. I think the term Vanilla Midget literally describes these guys.

They are facing Steve Corino and Jimmy Jacobs. Who have made a deal with Jim Cornette to get into this tournament. A deal which says if they lose any match in the tourney, they will leave ROH. Not quite sure why they would accept a deal like that.

Also, all it does is make it obvious that they are going to win the tournament. Could have maybe wrote the deal that they would not get involved in the World Title Match at the PPV or something.

Man, this match just won't end. I can't get into it at all, just because of how ridiculous The Bravado Bros look.

Also, I hate how half of Nigel McGuiness' commentary is him going "OOHHHHHHH" when someone hits a big move.

Steve Corino wins it for his team. I have never actually seen Steve Corino wrestle before. He is a bit flabby now (maybe he was always), but he seems like 15 times better than most everyone on the roster I have seen.

- Guardians of Truth come out and start beating on Corino and Jacobs. They have the most generic tights, and generic black masks on. Waste of Headbangers if it is truly them. Steen comes out to save his buddies. Rhino comes out and kills Steen with a Gore. Rhino still does my favorite Spear/Gore. Truth Martini (who was out on commentary during that match) celebrates with his guys.

- Adam Cole, the TV champ, with a promo. Talking about having to face Michael Elgin next week, and Mike Mondo at the PPV. He speeds through his promo, and sounds too much like... I dunno... someone trying to cut a promo, instead of a genuine person.

- Rhino with a promo where he yells at the top of his lungs a lot. Comes off as crazy, but I feel his time would be better spent destroying people in the ring with Gores so he looks like a Beast and a serious threat.

- Mini promo from Briscoe Brothers. These guys are kind of great. They definitely shouldn't be stuck in this suck-shack. Unless they are really terrible in the ring or something. I've just seen them talk.

- Little video package for Jay Lethal (30 secs or less). Was actually good. Said he spent six years somewhere else, trying to be someone else. Now he is back to prove he is one of the best wrestlers in the world. Would be good if he actually had a PPV match.

- Matt Taven vs Jay Lethal now. Matt Taven seems to at least have some sort of gimmick. Some sort of 90s MTV gimmick, maybe. I dunno. Lethal takes the mic, says he had a conversation with Cornette. He recaps the conversation, basically Cornette thinks he isn't "mean" enough to beat Kevin Steen. Probably going to now beat the crap outta this Taven guy.

Ok. He kicked Taven in the groin during their handshake, and then killed the referee. "Heel turn" so he can face the heel champion down the line. Fans chant "Yes". He probably could have "proved" more by ruthlessly beating the dude in an actual match, but ok. Whatever.

- Promo from the tag team of C&C backstage. Apparently they have some sort of religious gimmick. One of them talks about having a "higher power" on their side. The other starts to sing in a "gospel" style. All around terrible.

- Recap package about Rhett Titus/Haas. I am pretty sure they are using the background music from "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?" in this pack. Haas and Titus both with some words in the promo. Still makes me wonder why Titus would ever have accepted the deal.

- Titus and Haas beat the Guardians of Truth in a bland match. Haas spends most of the match on the apron, but seemed to be more of a team player than Titus. Corino and Jacobs come out and attack the Guardians of Truth and brawl to end the show as Kevin Kelly yells "WE'RE ALL OUTTA TIME". I guess Heel on Heel action is the way Wrestling Hipsters like it.

Ugh.

Ugh.

I was bored when I started to watch this... began to regret it like two minutes into the first match. Stuck it out because I figured "I might as well just watch the rest".... and now I feel like I want to build a time machine and stop myself from starting.
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