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Old 11-15-2012, 05:38 AM   #1
Curd
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Alternative History: Van Hammer Edition!
"Van Hammer" Mark Hildreth had the look, size, decent moveset, and reasonable "main event style" work rate to have become a bigger star if the WCW bookers had given him more promo time and a more logical booking sequence. Although I have not heard enough Van Hammer promos to get a coherent idea of what his character would say other than, "Make war, not love!" I have taken upon myself the task of booking Van Hammer after his Great American Bash '99 victory over Mikey Whipwreck. Here goes!

Bash at the Beach '99
Beats Jerry Flynn

Road Wild '99
Beats Ernest Miller

Fall Brawl '99
Beats Rick Steiner for TV Title

Halloween Havoc '99
Defends title against Meng

Mayhem '99
Defends title against "MVP" Dale Torborg

Starrcade '99
Defends title against Jerry Flynn in a "Block" match

Souled Out '00
Defends title against Bam Bam Bigelow

Super Brawl '00
Loses title to Jeff Jarrett

Uncensored '00
Wins four-way against Hugh Morrus, Barbarian, and Meng

Spring Stampede '00
Defeats "Demon" Dale Torborg

Slamboree '00
Tags with Sid Vicious as "The New Skycrapers" and defeats The Mamalukes

Great American Bash '00
The New Skycrapers defeat Crowbar and David Flair

Bash at the Beach '00
The New Skycrapers defeat Konnan and Rey Mysterio Jr.

New Blood Rising '00
The New Skycrapers defeat Disqo and Alex Wright; Vicious turns against Hammer

Halloween Havoc '00
Sid Vicious defeats Van Hammer

Mayhem '00
Van Hammer defeats Sid Vicious in a strap match

Starrcade '00
Van Hammer teams with Bam Bam Bigelow as "Bam Hammer" to defeat Sid Vicious and Shane Douglas

Sin '01
Bam Hammer defeat Totally Buff for the Tag Titles

Superbrawl Revenge '01
Bam Hammer defend their titles against The Harris Bros.

Greed '01
Bam Hammer defend their titles against Kronik

I presume that McMahon would not include Van Hammer of Bam Bam Bigelow as part of The Invasion or The Alliance, and so I stop here. Post your love, hate, and everything in between!
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Old 11-15-2012, 05:42 AM   #2
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Jesus Christ, Noid has a brother
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Old 11-15-2012, 05:46 AM   #3
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Jesus Christ, Noid has a brother
I don't know whether I'm a full-blooded brother (like a Steiner) or a half brother (like a Dudley), but I see the relation to which you point.
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Old 11-15-2012, 08:53 AM   #4
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I wanna do one of these too. Maybe about Roadblock. If booked properly he coulda been slightly above average.
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Old 11-15-2012, 09:03 AM   #5
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I don't think I would have wanted to see a single one of those matches, but I appreciate your efforts here.
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Old 11-15-2012, 01:34 PM   #6
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Wow, man. Just wow. Appreciate your contribution to the wrestling forum.
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Old 11-15-2012, 01:42 PM   #7
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That'd be interesting.
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Old 11-15-2012, 01:45 PM   #8
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How do you figure?
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Old 11-15-2012, 02:37 PM   #9
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If given the right booking.
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Old 11-15-2012, 02:45 PM   #10
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Which isn't present here.
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Old 11-15-2012, 04:01 PM   #11
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The biggest fault in this fantasy booking scenario is the part which features Van Hammer.
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Old 11-15-2012, 05:07 PM   #12
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You all realize this is trolling, right?
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Old 11-15-2012, 05:08 PM   #13
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As long as no one is getting hurt.
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Old 11-15-2012, 06:01 PM   #14
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Old 11-15-2012, 09:22 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hanso View Post
You all realize this is trolling, right?
I believe Curd is a genuine poster.
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Old 11-15-2012, 10:12 PM   #16
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Van hammer had a wrestling school near me where he was born.

I always wanted to drop by and say hi, never did
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Old 11-16-2012, 01:23 AM   #17
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pffft! Van Hammer was going nowhere.

Now, as Pvt. Stash, he had a chance at the big time... til he got all butthurt about his rank. Mjr. Stash wasn't as funny, and as such, he crippled his own million dollar gimmick!

Besides, the only Major they needed in MIA was Guns.
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Old 11-16-2012, 09:13 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Curd View Post
New Blood Rising '00
The New Skycrapers defeat Disqo and Alex Wright; Vicious turns against Hammer
I can't condone this.
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Old 11-16-2012, 09:17 AM   #19
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the MIA were a little top Heavy

General
Major
Major
LT
Corporal


Only one fucking enlisted? They have a GI Joe Structure.
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Old 11-16-2012, 09:22 AM   #20
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I remember Van Hammer but honestly can't remember a single thing he did, pretended to play guitar? Want to say he was in the Flock at one point too.
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Old 11-17-2012, 11:22 AM   #21
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Any one happen to see the Van Hammer shoot video?

He basically spends a good portion of the video apologizing to other wrestlers and the fans for stepping into the ring with no wrestling knowledge or skills and just getting a job cause of his heights and body mass.
It was so bad at one point, the offcamera interviewer says something along the lines of " you never hear The Warrior or Hogan ever apologizing for their lack of technical knowledge. " To which Hammer looks off in a daze and says ... "Hmmm."
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Old 11-18-2012, 04:14 AM   #22
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I was offline a few days and just read your comments. I was pleasantly surprised at the favorable response. Thank you!
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Old 11-18-2012, 04:16 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whiteyford View Post
I remember Van Hammer but honestly can't remember a single thing he did, pretended to play guitar? Want to say he was in the Flock at one point too.
You are correct. Hammer was in the Flock from November 1997 through May 1998, although he stilled dressed as if in the Flock when he feuded with the Flock the rest of the summer of '98, sometimes tagging with Juventud Guerrera.
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