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View Poll Results: Who lives to become the sole Disney Queen?
Snow White 0 0%
Cinderella 0 0%
Aurora 1 5.00%
Ariel 4 20.00%
Belle 2 10.00%
Jasmine 6 30.00%
Pocahontas 1 5.00%
Mulan 5 25.00%
Tiana 0 0%
Rapunzel 0 0%
Merida 1 5.00%
Elsa 0 0%
Kida 0 0%
Quorra 0 0%
Elizabeth 0 0%
Voters: 20. You must log in or register to vote on this poll.

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Old 12-22-2013, 09:11 PM   #1
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Disney Princess Battle Royale: To The Death
Some are royal by blood, others married into their status. Some are more or less honorary so Disney could pad their princesses roster. No matter what, they've all gathered in the valley Mustafa perished in - TO DO BATTLE, BECAUSE FUCK YOU.

I considered doing this by rounds with set match-ups, then it became apparent that I rather not prolong this absurdity beyond a single thread. So here we are; vote for the victor of this bloody tournament. Who shall survive? Who?!

Challengers:

Snow White

SPOILER: show


The Fairest of Them All herself. Her tale is actually one of a cou d'eta, since there was an evil queen in power and her boyfriend wasn't actually a prince - they simple took the castle after the dwarves killed the evil women. A maid by trade, Snow White appears to have no combat skills, but consider that after a bad experience with poisoned fruit - she may have developed a obsession with poison. Her new found expertise in deadly chemicals makes her a dark horse in the battle.


Cinderella

SPOILER: show


Originating from a broken home where she was essentially a slave and more than likely physically abused on a regular, Cinderella truly started from the bottom. A magic allowed her to cosplay as a princess for a night, leading to events where a shoe size was the best thing that ever happened to her. While initially as non-violent as her fairy godmother, a later sequel revealed Cinderella to have taken up swordsplay. Her skills with a blade give her an edge, as well as the latent rage from years of mistreatment from her own family. Disney itself considers Cinderella "Leader of the Princesses", a title not to be taken lightly.


Aurora

SPOILER: show


The titular Sleeping Beauty has had the unfortunate tape of being the archenemy of Disney's scariest and cruelest villain, Maleficent. A curse from infanthood doomed her to die upon bad sewing. Luckily, a lifelong fiance managed to cure her from eternal sleep and kill the bitch witch. Aurora had to live a common life in Disney's only allusion to witness protection, and such may have survival skills worth a damn. She was also watched over by three fairies whom she may have learned some magic tricks from. Overall she's probably the least combat ready of the bunch, but don't count out somebody who's lived with fairies. Ever.


Ariel

SPOILER: show


The Little Mermaid is the only non-human of the bunch, and this fact actually has interesting repercussions for the battle. It was, shit you not, explored and theorized by fans that Ariel's life 'under the sea' grants her super-strength and endurance. She grew up under thousand pounds of pressure, and was even seen moving items underwater that were easily hundreds of pounds. The battle is on land so her swimming abilities are moot, but if her physical power remains we have a huge problem in the tournament. Fun fact: As of her sequel she is the only milf of the princesses.


Belle

SPOILER: show


Belle is another commoner who had a lucky turn of events, meeting a beast that turned out to be a prince. After a rocky start, they got along and eventually broke the curse that made him a beast to begin with. And at the foot of the castle is the corpse of some guy who literally died for nothing. Anyway, Belle is natively a book worm. Her favorite part of the castle wasn't the talking dishes, but the library. One could assume she's read that era's equivalent to Black Belt magazine, so let's throw her a bone here. Otherwise, she's the least combative of the group.


Jasmine

SPOILER: show


This is an interesting case where it's the guy who married into power, even though the guy is a liar. In any case, Jasmine is actually action packed as hell, showcasing swordsmanship during the TV series, as well as cunning and physical prowess. Jasmine is also equipped with a fucking tiger that doesn't seem to leave her side, the only case I'd allow an animal friend to participate, as he's specifically her personal protector. Falling for a bad boy may also up her gritty combat game, using stealth and making alliances to bolster her chances. Lastly, she's the most likely to create and utilize bombs on the field.


Pocahontas

SPOILER: show


Very much in the upper tier in terms of physical ability, combat, and survival skills. A Native American who lived off the land and kinda sorta fell in love with some white guy. As far as the battle goes, Poca was shown to have some mystic connection to nature beyond having talking animal friends. The winds and waters answer her call, as well as various creatures. This is a powerful advantage in the tournament. She's also more than likely skilled with a short ax, bow, and spear - signature weapons of her people. Easily a finalist when shit hits the fan.


Mulan

SPOILER: show


Shit gets real right about here. Pay attention; Mulan broke all manner of rules to join an army and fight where women weren't allowed. Unlike the other princesses who may know swordsplay as an aside, or have combat skills as a secondary, or only have theorized combat ability - Mulan specifically trained as a warrior. It is her fucking job. She knows kung fu. She knows the sword. She knows the bow. She out performed her male peers in the military and yeah; totally disarmed a guy with a damn fan. Mulan is not to be trifled with and must be taken seriously by all the other contenders. Nuff said.


Tiana

SPOILER: show


I hate to pull this card but I gotta be honest; Tiana's a black chick. From the South. There's not a single scene with her using a weapon, spells, or having extensive knowledge in something other than running a business. I still put my bottom dollar on her being able to absolutely beat the shit out of anybody who crosses her the wrong way. She'll be the one saying all sorts of "Hole up" and "Bitches" while she punches, scratches, and wrestles the princess who may not be versed in ghetto combat. She may be the princess worth watching during the fray for creative language and street fighting alone. Tiana would be a volatile fighter with street senses during the battle.


Rapunzel

SPOILER: show


A sheltered life and a lot to comb, Rapunzel has a lot to be angry about. She was kept prisoner in a tower by a lady hell bent on harvesting her long magical hair. For the sake of the battle let's assume Rapunzel keeps her long locks and their magical attributes. They could have a surprising effect in battle, if anything to throw opponents off. This is of course until somebody decides to just pull it, but Rapunzel's hair doesn't seem to the type to bother her and may in fact be a dangerous to grab if you intend to do harm to her. Provided she keeps the sword users from outright cutting it, Rapunzel has an interesting weapon at her... head.


Merida

SPOILER: show


Here's another case of dangerous tomboy. Merida dared to break out of the gender mold and went to forge her own destiny. She is also a fucking sniper with her bow. Her skills at shooting arrows is best in the land, far surpassing the other bow users in this tournament. She's also tough in her own right, and simply not build as flimsy as the other petite princesses. This makes her a force to be reckoned with at all ranges, but it's still terrifying to know that she could down an opponent from half a mile away. She also looks like she'd headbutt you as a last resort. Not a single princess - barring Mulan - would see that coming.


Elsa

SPOILER: show


Everything stated just might be moot with Elsa, the newest Disney princess, present in the battle. Her movie's premise is exactly about how powerful she is, being able to cast winter over an entire region. She's so powerful she may be the first Disney Princess to perma-ban herself from her own kingdom. Her powers are tied to her emotions, which is really why chicks shouldn't be super-powered in the first place. And now she's in a death battle, where she doesn't have to restrain herself. Just imagine the cold chaos she could bring during the fray; her first move may kill a few princesses at once. Not a game, kids, not a game.


Honorable Additions:

Kida

SPOILER: show


Who's to say why Kida, a Disney character who is also a princess, isn't in the actual Disney Princesses line. There were rumblings of some kind of image racism, as well as Atlantis simply not being well known as a movie. Perhaps it was to avoid having her in battle royales to the death - because this chick is absolutely broken (to borrow a fighting game phrase). Kida is, as far as we can tell, a latent demi-goddess. Perhaps the only princess to match Elsa in terms of power. And even without going super sayijin, she's also in the class of athletic princesses. Back to the main point - she is extremely powerful. And may require a ban of sorts from the tournament.


Quorra

SPOILER: show


Yeah, yeah; mileage may vary here. What we have here is a chick from a Disney movie who while not a princess, factors importantly in her movie's story - the last of a virtual sub-race who managed to make it to the human world. Assuming her abilities transferred intact, she brings martial arts and slight weapons combat to the table. A throwing disc may grant her ranged prowess and as an advanced AI technically, she could record and learn any weapon spotted on the field anyway. At worst, we have a decent light show out there.


Elizabeth

SPOILER: show


Another woman from a Disney movie, she's at least the daughter of a governor, which is damn close to a contemporary princess. She is also, through events I won't even attempt to explain, Pirate Lord of the China Sea. Trained by the son of Bootstrap Bill (god rest his soul), Mrs. Turner he very apt at the sword. But another interesting advantage comes with her from her movies - deadly smart reasoning and deception. The initial Pirates trilogy is essentially about liars trying to out-lie each other, so we have a woman who make and break alliances almost minute by minute. She tricked, and subsequently killed, the star of the franchise. This makes her dangerous, particularly putting her in an arena against women who are mostly described as being pure of heart and honest.


Stop wondering why this thread exists and vote.

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Old 12-22-2013, 09:34 PM   #2
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Jasmine because she will go jihad on all the others and take no prisoners.
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Old 12-22-2013, 09:46 PM   #3
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We've observed her kingdom take a mess of prisoners.
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Old 12-22-2013, 10:56 PM   #4
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They were all Muslim though, not an infidel in sight.

Still, it has to be between Pocahontas and Mulan. I would say Elsa is DQ'd as she is now a Queen. I get you on Tiana though.
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Old 12-23-2013, 05:11 PM   #5
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Id like to read an order of elimination play by play if possible.
I'll vote Poca as the winner but not after a valiant effort from Cinderella.
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Old 12-23-2013, 05:18 PM   #6
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It would be bloody.
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Old 12-23-2013, 06:11 PM   #7
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Kalyx, wasn't there a better way to spend you holiday vacation?
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Old 12-23-2013, 07:09 PM   #8
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All I can see for this rumble is Kida and a rising body
count.
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Old 12-23-2013, 07:18 PM   #9
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Jasmine
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Old 12-23-2013, 08:19 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RoXer View Post
Kalyx, wasn't there a better way to spend you holiday vacation?
We don't get holiday vacations. Just another day.
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Old 12-23-2013, 09:51 PM   #11
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While Mulan leading this is not shocking, Jasmine being her chief rival kinda is.

And who voted for Belle?!
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Old 12-23-2013, 09:59 PM   #12
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Ariel via being the equivalent of Aquaman with her father's electric trident.
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Old 12-23-2013, 10:03 PM   #13
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It ends up as one big Disney lesbian sex orgy.
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Old 12-23-2013, 10:27 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kalyx triaD View Post
While Mulan leading this is not shocking, Jasmine being her chief rival kinda is.

And who voted for Belle?!
Why is Jasmine in the lead shocking? Aladdin is probably the first Disney Movie (with a 'Disney Princess') most of us saw first-run for the first time in theater.
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Old 12-23-2013, 10:32 PM   #15
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Snow White may be the weakest entry here considering that without her posse she is probably the most vulnerable and naive Princess in history.

Poison apple, White? Are you serious?

If Elsa wasn't a Queen, I'd give it to her out of hand. She's so powerful she almost killed her sister twice and froze an entire fucking region of land during Summer in a few minutes.

The only way Beauty lasts a second round is if Beast is allowed to tag in btw.
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Old 12-23-2013, 10:52 PM   #16
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Probably best to ban Elsa and Kida. Otherwise it's basically a battle between them.
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Old 12-24-2013, 01:06 AM   #17
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Black guy + redhead = you do the math.
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Old 12-24-2013, 03:08 AM   #18
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lol wut
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Old 12-24-2013, 09:41 AM   #19
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Ariel is clearly the answer...
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Old 12-24-2013, 10:02 AM   #20
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Ariel is clearly the answer...
I concur
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Old 12-24-2013, 01:05 PM   #21
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Huh
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Old 12-24-2013, 10:54 PM   #22
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Final 4 are Jasmine, Merida, Mulan, and Kida.
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Old 12-25-2013, 08:19 AM   #23
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i don't know who half these bitches are
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Old 12-26-2013, 04:09 PM   #24
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Mula via SHUT THE FUCK UP.
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Old 12-26-2013, 07:00 PM   #25
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What if Aurora just played dead the whole time and gets up to stab Mulan in the back?
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Old 12-26-2013, 08:41 PM   #26
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What if Aurora just played dead the whole time and gets up to stab Mulan in the back?
Stop teasing and do a play by play!
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Old 12-26-2013, 09:46 PM   #27
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I didn't plan on actually writing this thing, though coming up with some kills might be hilarious.

I think I'd end up pissing off people when their fave gets slaughtered.
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Old 12-26-2013, 11:06 PM   #28
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As long as it ends with Ariel impaling the rest of those posers on the trident we will all be happy.
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Old 12-27-2013, 12:08 AM   #29
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lol Ariel's story is literally about her posing as human.
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Old 12-27-2013, 09:31 AM   #30
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If we're going with a play by play...i want scenarios where every one dies and Malifocent wins.

She needs a win to stay legitimate. She's just a jobber to the stars right now.
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Old 12-27-2013, 09:38 AM   #31
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Quote:
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lol Ariel's story is literally about her posing as human.
So she can gain understanding of their strengths and weaknesses, then lead an attack and destroy them all. She's very cerebral like that.
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Old 12-27-2013, 10:20 AM   #32
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Ariel's the princess who's most likely to have a sex tape.

Pocohantas would have a career in porn.
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Old 12-27-2013, 10:55 PM   #33
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Snow White is almost certainly the one most likely to have a sex tape. Everyone else is more interesting then her, and then we'd see 'leaked' nude selfies. And eventually a full blown sex tape.

With Aladdin.
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Old 12-28-2013, 10:53 AM   #34
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who's the princess who's most likely to be addicted to xanex and get caught shoplifting? I'd say Beauty

This could be just as fun!
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Old 12-28-2013, 11:08 AM   #35
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When you say Beauty do you mean Aurora or Belle? Both from movies with Beauty in the title.
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Old 12-28-2013, 05:13 PM   #36
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You know, eventually Belle is going to find a book of really powerful magic and just wreck everyone. It would make sense that in a universe as terrible as the one she inhabits that there's a Book of the Dead or something lying around.
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Old 12-28-2013, 11:05 PM   #37
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Why is Belle's world that bad? Aurora was cursed as a baby.
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Old 12-29-2013, 12:40 AM   #38
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Play by play. All kills revealed.

Note: Removed from the battle for the sake of balance is Atlantian demi-goddess Kida and Ice Queen Elsa. Tron's Quorra is also removed.

SPOILER: show
- Merida shoots Mulan in the chest from 60 yards away. The other princesses exhale and laugh together before starting the skirmish.

- Snow White is attacked by Tiana, but birds swarm her. Snow runs off and Tiana looks for someone else.

- Elizabeth gets into a swordfight with Jasmine. They then begin to have short chat between swings. After a moment Elizabeth and Jasmine run off together.

- Ariel yanks Rapunzel's hair and drags her toward her. Ariel stomps on Punzel's chest. She ducks an arrow from Merida, who's high on a cliff side. Ariel dashes out of her view.

- Belle runs into Aurora and starts scratching her. They roll around the ground until they struggle back on their feet. Then they fall again struggling.

- Ariel is climbing the cliff toward Merida.

- Pocahontas and Cinderella are brawling, before Poca kicks her to the ground. Poca lifts a spear and raises it when two swords impale her body. Jasmine and Elizabeth yanks their blades out.

- Merida constantly repositions herself away from Ariel. She finally aims her bow at the mermaid, but is pushed off the cliff by Snow White. Merida breaks her neck on a cliff-side branch.

- Belle and Aurora wrestle each other into an open area and face off. Aurora pushes Belle and Belle pushes back. Aurora stumbles back where Merida lands on her. Before death, Merida shoots Belle in the heart.

- Tiana and Cinderella fight together against Elizabeth and Jasmine.

- Ariel approaches Snow White on the cliff until birds start flocking her. Snow White runs off again.

- Tiana disarms Elizabeth and starts to punch her to the ground, mounting on top of her.

- Cinderella forces Jasmine back on off balance and moves in for the kill, but trips when her shoe slips off. Jasmine regains her balance and cuts off Cinderella's head. Jasmine is then stabbed by Elizabeth, while Tiana saying they should find Ariel next.

- Snow White stumbles down the cliff and walks over several dead princesses. She's stops. An arrow appears from her stomach. She turns around to see a bloody and bandaged Mulan has stabbed her. Snow White says she's scared. Mulan catches her fall and holds her.

- Ariel sees Mulan holding Snow White and pauses. Elizabeth appears and stabs her leg with her rapier. Ariel stumbles and sees Tiana with Jasmine's sword. Tiana then throws the blade at Elizabeth, cutting her neck.

- Ariel launches Tiana back several yards with a shove and removes the rapier from her leg. She walks toward Tiana when Mulan pounces on her back and starts stabbing her with an arrow.

- Ariel throws Mulan off, who flips into recovery but stills holds her bandages tight. Tiana appears and claws at Ariel's arrow wounds. Mulan staggers toward her sword, lost after being shot by Merida earlier.

- Ariel kicks Tiana to the floor. Tiana flips off Ariel before her throat is punched by the mermaid.

- Ariel turns to see Mulan with her sword, still too injured to stand straight. She's bleeding out, and Ariel notes it.

- Mulan starts attacking Ariel and staying mobile as possible. Ariel takes a few cuts to try and land blows. Mulan is still too fast.

- Ariel lands a stiff kick on Mulan's mid-section, stunning her. She takes Mulan's sword and throws it far away. She mounts on top of Mulan and begins strangling her, wondering aloud why they allowed a man to fight in the first place.

- Mulan pulls out her fan and opens it, dropping a needle. She takes the needle and stabs it in Ariel's ear.

- Ariel flinches long enough for Mulan to push her off. She removes the needle but fails to see Mulan hand chop her throat on both sides, crushing her voice box.

- Ariel tries to talk and only coughs blood. Mulan tells her she's a girl, and slowly stabs Elizabeth's rapier into her chest. She then takes her own sword and beheads Ariel.

- Mulan stumbles over the other dead princesses before succumbing to her own injuries.
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Old 12-29-2013, 01:22 AM   #39
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Quote:
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Why is Belle's world that bad? Aurora was cursed as a baby.
Belle lives in a world where super-powerful witches roam the country-side looking to teach random people moral lessons. If you piss them off they won't just curse you, they'll curse everybody who works with you.

Imagine going to work one day and turning into a fucking piece of furniture because your boss is an asshole.

Pretty fucked.
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Old 12-29-2013, 02:35 AM   #40
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Jasmine due to tiger
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