RAW Captions (12/22/03)

[Azriel]

Yep, even though it was a recap show, they still had photos, so if you want to caption, go right ahead:

Hell yeah Hogans all wash up

[Kane Knight]

[QUOTE=trnbuckle]Yep, even though it was a recap show, they still had photos, so if you want to caption, go right ahead:



Wolverine suddenly wonders why his adamantium claws aren't working.



Jericho would not appreciate finding out it was not a cop, but HBK, and it was not a gun, but...



"Okay, I'm not Wolverine. Maybe I'm Spider-Man."



Jericho tried his hardest, but couldn't pull the street Pizza formerly known as Shawn Michaels off the canvas.



Ref: Why can't I find someone that devoted to me?



The embarrassment. First she was compared to trash, now she was expected to put some over....



Angered at the decision, Victoria tries to save Trish by pulling her out of the Trash can's way...(Lame one, I know...)



Moments later, Victoria and Richards reliased the horrible truth...Flair had gotten ahold of Rhyno's crazy glue...



King tries to hide his "Interest" while an oblivious Coach recalls how he injured his arm carrying HHH's ego...



Thinking Rob used his new finishing maneuver--The Van Tokinator--And made bongs out of both his opponent AND the ladder.



...Though he would later come to regret where he put the openings...



CHRISTIAN: You bit my ARM OFF! That is SO not cool!

Rob: Dude, chill!



"Glass ceiling? I don't see a..." *WHACK!*



"So you see, Goldberg, the longterm rammifications of this process are..."



Goldberg vowed to return wrestling to it's naked roots.



"We are not offended by our nudity, we just refuse to look upon a lesser body..."



"My My, bill. have you been working out?"



Goldberg enjoyed the Rock's own "enhancements."



What? There's someone behind me? What? 50 feet tall? What?



Contrary to his badass image, Steve Austin surrendered to the cops when their snipers turned on the spots...



"Stone Cold's got one last request...Could you wind my watch?"



The crowd booed. It was unfair of Shane to sneak attack Kane while he was trying to sound out ÄMBULANCE."



"Wow. My hair's a mess."



"And now, the team of Kane and Shane McMahon will attempt the first ever...Running 69..."



Rock couldn't believe that Hurricanés "hurrivision" really HAD burned a hole through his crotch...



"Hunter! That wasn't funny having me declared dead in Cleveland!"

"That's what you get for telling Vince I've decided to job to Goldberg after all..."



That night, they both acheived greatness. Hunter proved that he would fight anyone for his title, and Ric Flair proved that he was able to sleep standing up...



Flair, however, wasn't fond of playtime, and would NOT play Pattycake with Hunter.



Flair had to be punished for suggesting HHH defend his title against someone born in the same century as him.



Rock's Heel turn was complete when he performed his newest song, "If you like Freedom, t hank a Frenchman..."



When booker found out he'd be carrying Steiner in this match, he didn't think it would be so literally.



Stone Cold liked Rocky's song so much that he decided to sing an a capella version.



As a result, he left the ring in haste, flipping off whoever threw the beer cans at his head...

[loopydate]

The fans in the upper deck, upon reading spoilers that Chris Jericho would get a meaningful push, spontaneously combusted.



Before the show
HAYES: Hey, Vince! I have another great idea! That slidey-pose taunt worked for Shawn Michaels...it HAS to work for Chris Jericho.
VINCE: I don't know, Michael.
HAYES: Everyone else thinks it's a good idea.
VINCE: Okay, let's do it!



HBK showed once again why he's the best in the business by springing to the top rope and hitting a Seven-Star Frogsplash.



Taking a cue from Brock Lesnar on last week's SmackDown (and, of course, mastering time travel since this took place nine months before last week's SmackDown), Jericho managed to trick Triple H into putting on the referee mask and stepping into the quicksand.



Backstage
STEINER: Hey, if one of those guys spun around and slammed the other one down, that'd be like a suplex, right?
TEST: I think you may have just learned your move.



Not quite what the fans had in mind when they yelled "Show us your cans!"



VICTORIA: See, A-Train? THIS is how you do a giant swing!



The ref would have to hurry. Trish and Victoria gave him a wonderful limbo opportunity, but they wouldn't be able to hold it for long.



Steven Richards would always remember this as the night when Victoria finally said those five words he'd longed to hear: "Let's do it standing up."



Stacy's "BOOB" t-shirt was a not-so-subtle hint as to what she wants for Christmas. Ironically, it's what the King wants, too.



Christian Sawyer and Huckleberry Jericho tried to get a closer look at their funeral from the rafters...until part of them broke loose.



RVD worked the graveyard shift as a mid-carder delivery man.



RVD: Dude, if your belt's up there, what's keeping your pants up?
CHRISTIAN: They're tights! Like yours!
RVD: Nuh-uh! I have suspenders holding mine up!
CHRISTIAN: How high are you?



RVD: So this is what it's like to be elevated.



ROCK: Who made your jacket, Bill?
BILL: Huh duh.



Bill always got angry when people made fun of his monosyllabicity (yeah, I made up a word! What's it to ya?)



Ah, Christmas morning at WWE Headquarters. The Rock loved it. Goldberg trying to unwrap his presents, Kane setting stuff on fire. In fact, if he sniffed hard enough, he could smell RVD lighting up a "yule log."



Rock hated when it was his turn to burp Goldberg.



ROCK: Bill, did you eat all your broccoli?



WWE's storytelling was showing. Maybe the fans might have bought that a drunken redneck had wandered into the arena...but with his own TitanTron video?



Watching at home
LOOPYDATE: Please let Kane set off his pyro... Please let Kane set off his pyro... Please let Kane set off his pyro...



AUSTIN: That's funny. My watch stopped. Somebody help me out here. It's still 1998, right?



SHANE: It'll only take a minute.
KANE: I don't wanna!
SHANE: It'll just be a little prick, then it'll all be over.
KANE: I DON'T WANNA SHOT!
SHANE: Well then you leave me no choice, mister!



SHANE: You can hold my hand if you want... No squeeOW! No squeezing, Kane. I mean iOW! OW!
KANE: I TOLE YOU I DIDN'T WANNA SHOT!



Kane and Shane, through interpretive dance, try to suggest that Vince "Get the F Back In."



HURRICANE: I told you that Flair put your trunks in the freezer!



FLAIR: No!
Takes a long break and dances around like a maniac.
FLAIR: Whoo! It's you! Whoo!
More strutting.
FLAIR: Who is...
Long pause.
FLAIR: A HOMO! Whooooo!



HHH: Ric, you know your rack is almost as nice as Stephanie's?
RIC: Yeah, I know.
HHH: Yeah, that's...wait, what?



HHH: No, you're a homo!
RIC: The moment's passed, Hunter.



Once more, the WWE camera crew takes the picture too early. This may look like the set-up to the Pedigree, but what you don't see is Flair reversing it into a Samurai Driver.



ROCK: Layin'...the smack down.
And...um...pie...
Jesus, I need to do this more often.



STEINER: Hey, Austin! Check out my ass!
AUSTIN: Learn how to wrestle, you 'roided-up freak!
STEINER: What?



Steve always got emotional when he sang "My Heart Will Go On."



You can't read the back of Steve's shirt. It may look like his normal "F*ck fear, drink beer" shirt, but the one he's wearing actually says "F*ck fear, leave beer in the ring, while backing away and flipping off what's left of your fan base, knowing full well that this gimmick won't hold and you'll be back WAAAAAAY before Wrestlemania."

[loopydate]

Originally Posted by Kane Knight "Glass ceiling? I don't see a..." *WHACK!* "Wow. My hair's a mess." Rock's Heel turn was complete when he performed his newest song, "If you like Freedom, t hank a Frenchman..."

Good stuff, man.

[moshingfreak]

Ok, so I didnt do the smackdown 1's, but i'll do these ones.


Y2J had to stand there and wonder how HBK could do that and not split his pants.


sorry, but this needs a gay joke

Y2J: Come On Michaels, Take me right up the ass


HBK tried to hide his emotions when he realised that his pants finally gave way.


With HBK's pants split, Y2J had to look away


HBK: Chris, thank you for not laughing at my pants.
Y2J:


Trish found the perfect place to put her Oscar The Grouch hat


Victoria: Hey, an Oscar The Grouch hat. I want one.


Victoria squirmed when she realised she was getting peed on


Victoria: Stevie, you might not wanna touch that leg
Steven: Why not?
Victoria: Dont Worry


Stacy was wondering if she could get an ass like Coach's


The only thing that was carrying this match was the ladder


With his vision blocked, RVD didnt know where to find the nearest drug dealer


RVD: Hey, dude, you have a third nipple


RVD: HEY MA, GET OFF THE DANG ROOF!!


Goldberg didnt know what to do after he found out he had to job to The Gobbledy Gooker


Goldberg couldnt take it anymore. The pressure inside finally gave...


...Unfortunately, The Rock was on then wrong end


Goldberg wasnt finished yet. The Rock could deffinately smell what Goldberg had been cookin'


Goldberg was so close to that giant ice cream, he could taste it


Sign: "Stone Cold Drank All My Beer"


He started sobering up when he realised he had two hands


Stone Colds new gimmick: the guy with the Go-Go-Gadget Wrist Phone


Trish foolishly left her hat in the middle of the entranceway, only to have Shane O'Mac trip over it


Shane: Hey, this ass cream really does get rid of acne


It was burping time for Shane, but Kane held him the wrong way up.


Rock: Dammit, GET OFF MY FOOT!!


Ric: Trips look out, you've got a 'RAW Moment' logo on you.


Ric was dumbfounded when he noticed Trips hadn't got the logo off yet.


Trips: Hey Goldberg, you're really gettin out of shape.


Nick Patrick wanted his own pair of HHH tights.


The Rock wasnt impressed with his Bagpipe Backup


Steiner tried gettin the lid off his cookie jar


Stone Colds version of "Come All Ye Faithful" was a big hit


Austin tells the crowd how many matchs he won this year

[Kane Knight]

Originally Posted by loopydate Good stuff, man.

:blush:

[El Santo]

HBK was such a trooper: even when his pants ripped at the crotch, he knew that the show must indeed go on.



HBK: "Well, Chris, I'm impressed... but there's still no way in hell that I'm dancing to the Humpty Dance."



The full moon was out, and suddenly 19,000 fans became frightfully aware of Shawn's lycanthropy.



Surrepitously, a bold fan decides to give the ref a noogie.



As HBK and Y2J congratulated each other on the best match of the year, the ref was rather miffed that no one appreciated his C3PO impersonation.



Trish calls in a tag from her old ally: Oscar the Grouch!



Sadly, Oscar was of no use after he was speared into the turnbuckle.



Trish tried furiously to shake Victoria off her foot, but to no avail. That woman had strong molars.



The whole audience retched as Steven Richards began to sing: "You can leave your hat on."



Coach: "To be or not to be. That is the question..."
Stacy: "Ooooh. A man who can think. I like that. As opposed to..."
King: "So, Stacy, you don't mind if I dial 9-1-1, do you? Ha ha!"


Christian tried to vain to escape through the crowd via "Ladder Bridge", but RVD was there to stop him.



RVD: "Damn you! You told me marijuana was legal in Canada!"



RVD: "Hey, I don't care about the IC Title. Just give me back my nickel."
Christian: "No. Muhahahaha!"



RVD: "What the.... Godammit! I know I saw an IC title up here somewhere!'



[offscreen]: "Now, Goldberg, since you're an obvious rip-off of Stone Cold Steve Austin, we've written into your contract that you must wrestle in embarassingly flamboyant shorts."
Goldberg: "I... see."



The WWE front office started worrying about the marketability of Goldberg when he started having staring contests with ants.



The crowd always loved the Rock, no matter what he did: whether it was the People's Eyebrow, the Rock Concert, or --- in this case --- the People's Snot Bubble.



Rock: "No, no, Bill it's like this --- left foot in, right foot out, left foot in then you shake it all about."



Goldberg was such a clown. He could never resist making funny faces at the photographer.



"Steve, this is your conscience speaking. Whatever you do, don't to the co-GM angle. It's been done to death.... STEVE! Stop playing with that chain, dammit --- I'm talking to you!"



But enough of this... let's go hang gliding!



"God. Doesn't Rhyno ever get sick of this sh*t?"



Kane: "Where... where did this ambulance come from?"
Shane: "I... think it's haunted!"
Kane: "Do you think we should check it out?"
Shane: "You go first!"
Kane: "AAAAAAAhHHHHHHHH!!!"



Shane: "Wow. Ambulances have windows in the back? Who woulda thunk it?"



As El Santo tries to think up of any caption that has no homosexual connotations, he implodes. Quite messily.



In the spirit of Christmas, Rock does his impersonation of the Grinch. Hurricane is not impressed.



Ric: "C'mon, Hunter, are you going to help me get my Depends off the top of that cabinet or what?"



The ref couldn't help but stare. Those tights were so gay....



HHH: "If you let me retain the title, Ric, I'll give you ... this whole vial of Viagra!"
Ric: "Hmmmm...."



The ref realizes that he really shouldn't've had that prune juice before the match.

(Note: Loopy's Samurai Driver caption owns!)



Rock: "Look's like Raw's running a bit late tonight, so management's requested that I clear out the arena, pronto. And I know just the song. Ladies and gentlemen: Tiptoe Through the Tulips."



Booker: "For the last time, I am not giving you a piggyback ride!"



SCSA: "Hey, Scott... dibs on next."



Minutes later, Stone Cold was fined $150 for littering.

[Corkscrewed]

Kane Knight, Loopydate, you guys were awesome!

[El Santo]

D'oh! Apologies to mosh. I didn't see the Oscar the Grouch captions until I posted mine.

[moshingfreak]

thats kool El. funny captions btw

[Corkscrewed]

Realizing Hunter's betrayal, HBK cried out in pain and agony as the glass ceiling closed down upon him.


Michaels: "Simon says do a leg stretch and touch your head with your left hand."
Jericho: "Yes sir!"
Michaels: "Wow, this holding wrestlers down thing is fun!"


"The Ringwraith Kid," Smeagol Michaels was met with mixed reviews.


Sometimes, when you gotta go, you gotta go.


Ref: "Oh dammit, now we're gonna get a barrage of HGA jokes with this pic."

OR

Jericho got his revenge for the Simon Says bit later when he pasted a large "Convert Me" sign on Shawn's back.


Trish knew Vince treated the women's division like it was trash. She just never thought he'd be so open about it.


Victoria pulled off the craziest counter ever, reacting to Trish's kick by stealing her shows.


Victoria was touched. Steven Richards had decided to make himself visible this time when he groped her!


(to sort of steal a caption from last week)
King grinned as she fingered Stacy's ass, but Stacy just looked to the side, blushing, and took it. She was used to being screwed.


RVD: "Hey, if you put your head to the ladder, you can hear the ocean!"
Christian: "I don't think it works quite like that..."


When drug control started cracking down, RVD resorted to hiding his stash in very unique places, such as up Christian's tights.


Moments later, Christian knocked RVD down and reached up for the belt. Much to his dismay, an invisible force field seemed to inhibit his reach. Both Rob and Christian stared on in horror as the belt started to retract upward and the haunting laughter of a certain World Champion started echoing throughout the arena.


RVD looked up with delight. The aliens had finally returned to take him back.


Goldberg: "a..a... A... buh... buh.. B... suh... suh... shit."


The writers weren't so sure how the fans would react to a new uruk-hai wrestler, but what the hell.


Ahhhhhhhhh... the Rock could smell the ratings...
...plummeting...


Rock's dance lessons with Goldberg, as part of the Tutor-a-Mentor Program, weren't going to well.


Bill was understandably grossed out by the fact that the Rock had pecs on his chest AND his back.


Austin always a bit paranoid whenever he was being stalked by Giant Austin.


It had taken a lot of sweat and tears, but Austin finally got his giant black licorice.


Kane didn't want to return to the medical profession, but that evil Shane kept pushing him forward and forward...


Shane had to get the business to the hospital before everything perished--and fast!


Shane knew he should have practiced the victory roll more.


The Rock reacts to news of Goldberg's new Santa movie.

OR

Rock: ........................ UH, OH!

OR

Rock: "Shanniqua wants my strudle????!!!!"


Flair may have been assimilated, but that still didn't put a damper on his hyperactive spirits.


The ref still couldn't figure out how Hunter ever agreed to wear a corset for the match.


Hunter (loudly): "Hey Ric! Job to me!"


Today's job is brought to you by the letter H... or maybe it's K.


Steiner made out on his new gimmick: celebrity actress abuser.


After a long bout where both participants just stood there, the Hardcore Ladder Match between Pepsi and Diet Pepsi was declared a draw.

[Tornado]

Originally Posted by Corkscrewed Rock: ........................ UH, OH!

The Family Guy running joke continues..

[SuperSlim]

Scientist-As we see "exhibit 'A' We will just gall him "Goldberg." See how he tries to attract mates by sticking out his tongue


"Zordon, I'm in the ring now. They can't know I'm a ranger yet."


Rock-"YOU SAW SHANIQUA'A STRUDEL?"
Hurricane- "Yeah."
Rock-"I thought it was just a myth"

[Sephiroth]

^ I liked all the ones of Corkscrewed and Superslim I gotta try this some time.

The crowd ate up Jericho's impression of Michaels, but didn't quite know what to think with Michael's impression of Kane.


Someone accidentally airs the booking meeting for next few months on the titantron, which shows HHH say to Vince, "So did you talk to Jericho about him jobbing to every member of Evolution soon ."


I know Stacy is sitting right next to him and all, but coudn't King at least of waited until commercial before doing that.


RVD just realized the audience wasn't there and that RAW had ended five hours ago.



Austin's comeback also included firing arrows at the fans.


Shane just realized some of the the fans were getting in a little target practice on his head during the match.



Hurricane informs the Rock that it took him 58 licks to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop.


Flair, "Next time you sign me up for a match, make sure it's not FOR the women's title okay."

HHH, "Who are you."

[Nowhere Man]

Satan was pissed. How come God got the good seats, and he always had to sit in the back row?



The demonic possession was complete. With HBK's mind controlling the younger Jericho's body, he could hold down a whole new generation of talent!



This ritual of possession was far from new. It's gone back through the ages, across millenia. Here is the first HBK, from the Precambrean Era.



Teddy Long, Steven Richards, and Chris Jericho entertain the crowd by doing their famous "catch the invisible bullet with your teeth" trick in the middle of the match.



They weren't sure if this was going to go over well, but if anyone could get the Ballroom Dancing Deathmatch Classic to work, it'd be these two.



Trish: Hey, look! I found Sean O'Haire's career!



Victoria and Trish try to play off of the blown spot, as the trash can had totally screwed up its 450.



Many fans were wondering why Richards had gotten noticably shorter; they just figured that when the spoilers said he gt "squashed" on HeAt, it was only meant figuratively.



Coach tried his best to tune out Lawler's annoying ventriloquist routine.



Christian and RVD deliver a crushing double-team move to eliminate the ladder from the 4-way animate/inanimate object battle royal.



Christian was thinking something completely different when Rob asked if he wanted to "get high." (God, that sucked)



The Intercontinental Championship leveled its opponents with an awe-inspiring cross body.



This probably wasn't the best time for RVD to develop a fear of heights.



Bored with the Goldberg promo, the guy in the first row decides to take a few hits from his big green bong.



Goldberg knew that he'd need more exposure to the WWE fans to get over, but somehow he didn't think that having the camera crew film him taking a dump was the way to go about it.



The Rock was always a bit too proud of his farts.



Moments later, the Rock ripped Goldberg's spine clean out, taking the head with him as a trophy. "The People's Predator" was born!



Wait a minute....that's not Goldberg! That's GENE SIMMONS!



Steve was mightily impressed with how lifelike the Steve Austin Memorial Statue was.



Ever the paranoid germophobe, Austin always checked himself for a fever before flogging his opponent with his billy club.



Much like how getting beer splashed on him made Scott Hall revert to his alcohol abuse, this single spot led to the return of Isaac Yankem.



Shane was almost done with the finishing touches. This full-scale model ambulance was awesome!



Kane and Shane were too busy fighting to notice that The Blob was taking over the arena.



The Hurricane finally gets his revenge on the dastardly Rock by hiding a mousetrap in his jock.



Flair: You know, our ring work goes kind of the way our DVDs do.
HHH: How's that?
Flair: Mine actually sells! Oh-ho-ho-ho......I just lost my push, didn't I?
HHH: Ohhhhh, yeah.



Flair:....so that's what I'd look like if I were 20 years younger and lost all my talent.



Darth Helmsley counters the Figure 4 with the Sith Force Choke



Ric Flair gets the decisive win with his own special version of the Vertebreaker. Shortly afterwards, I wake up.



Steiner was pretty impressed by how much weight Mark Henry had lost.



The legendary Texas Rattlesnake may be gone, but his legacy remained with his best students and proteges. A few weeks later, the Steveweisers won the World Tag Team Championships.

[Corkscrewed]

ROFLMAO!!!

I have been wasted by Nowhere Man's mastery.