RAW Captions Thread (12/29/03)

**Azriel** · 12-30-2003, 04:43 PM

**Azriel** · 12-30-2003, 04:48 PM

Much to Orton's chagrin, Lillian avoided the temptation to stare at Randy's ass.

Unfortunately for Scott, his reenactment of the chest-ripping scene from Alien wasn't met with much approval.

**The Naitch** · 12-30-2003, 04:50 PM

-Ric Flairs' version of the People's Elbow doesn't sit too well with the people

HHH: God I look hidious

HBK: I put the K in Kamasutra, boyeee!

HHH: Well I put the H in homo-erotic!

HHH: You don't mind if Ric joins us?
HBK: No I don't mind...I like Ric

**Azriel** · 12-30-2003, 05:38 PM

HHH was a bit confused because he thought this was a tag match

**tuk420** · 12-30-2003, 06:11 PM

The crowd was stunned as a tiny muscle-bound man popped out of RVD's ass.

Vince felt a sudden sinking feeling, as he realized why Coach thought they should share a hotel room "to save money."

No my friend, I'll shoot YOU in the ass!

Batista was confused, wasn't Ric usually on his knees when he made that face?

Terri: HO HO HO
Trish/Lita/Stacy: Wha....HEY!

Trish: But I didn't get you anything.
Y2J: The cleavage shot is thanks enough.

At this precise moment all the men sitting in row 1A, knew they were not getting up to cheer anytime soon.

An embarassed Lita realizes that her tail has popped out of her tights.

God I love the holidays.

After easily sucking HBK's head up his ass, HHH knew the shoulders would be the hardest part.

**Azriel** · 12-30-2003, 06:18 PM

Coach was about to do a "you're a homo" joke, but retracted when he realized who he was talking to.

**tuk420** · 12-30-2003, 08:15 PM

You know, Flair's run-ins have become less entertaining now that he has to be helped into the ring.

**loopydate** · 12-30-2003, 10:14 PM

LILIAN: That's right, folks, Ortonbot V2.0 is the perfect addition to ANY New Year's party! His bent right arm is perfect for cradling dip.

Steiner and RVD show how Peter Jackson did that whole "forced perspective" thing for the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy.

The look on Steiner's face says it all. This diving headbutt was not going to end well.

With Coach backing him up on the human beatbox, Vince busted out some phat rhymes. Somewhere, John Cena wept.

BUBBA: Did you break out of prison?
RIC: No, no, no. Look at the stripes. Horizontal means prisoner, vertical means referee!
BUBBA: Whoops, then sorry I called the cops on you.

With the heat on, Flair managed a pretty speedy escape for an old guy.

BATISTA: No! Throw the grapes in his MOUTH, ya freakin' moron!

Terri reacts to Trish's beautiful man-voice.

REF: Watch yourself, Shaniqua. You may have escaped from SmackDown, but Triple H will NEVER let you go over his boy.

Randy Orton: Master of 1,000 Impressions strikes again. His Jack Nicholson was always a hit.

Booker T shows the ill effects of having had his lip disced.

Kane had impeccable aim. When he spiked people, they ALWAYS hit the WWE logo.

Linda's a cappella operatic aria was met with slightly less enthusiasm.

Y2J: Okay, here's the clears throat special present.
TRISH: Ooh! Does this one vibrate?
Y2J: Shhhhhhh!

Molly had made her decision. To become the most popular diva on RAW, she'd have to hit the others where it hurts. She begins by devouring Stacy's legs.

Victoria thinks it's gross, but Jackie gets a sick pleasure out of it. Of course, she also hangs out with Rico, so...

Lita looks up in embarassment. When did that crowd show up?

Molly next tried to move on to Trish's breasts, but they just overpowered her.

Take a guess where those white stains on Trish's clothes came from...

Shawn looked up just in time to see a familiar transparent object starting to lower itself from the ceiling.

He tried everything to hold it up.

But only one could rise above it.

When the glass ceiling mysteriously raised itself back up, Triple H knew that he would have to take out Michaels the old-fashioned way. If Steve Blackman was, in fact, back, he would have to take out the threat at hand first.

That Triple H is so nice. He takes time out of his matches to help old men cross the ring.

EARL: That's right. Now, Hunter, I want you to turn to the camera and lick your lips. Got it? Beautiful.

To round out WWE Authority Figures Open Mic Night, Eric Bischoff stuns the crowd with a pitch-perfect rendition of "Let's Hear It For The Boy."

BISCHOFF: So, wait, let me see if I got this straight. The black sheep had THREE bags?
MICHAELS: That's right.
BISCHOFF: What the hell did the little boy who lives down the lane do to deserve a bag of wool?

If you play this replay backwards, you get a subliminal message. On an unrelated topic, I just enlisted in the Army.

Once again, sitting at home, loopydate begs Kane to come out and set off his pyro.

AUSTIN: Where's DX? I got something to drop on their bus!
JR: Bah Gawd!
KING: It's not 2000 anymore...

**Innovator** · 12-31-2003, 12:00 AM

RVD lays still, Steiner can only see people if they move

Having enough of Austin and his shenanegins, the WWE logo and his partner WWE microphone lay a beating on Stone Cold

**ilt_undertaker** · 12-31-2003, 12:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tuk420

You know, Flair's run-ins have become less entertaining now that he has to be helped into the ring.

(because the joke was about Ric)

**ColdwaVer** · 12-31-2003, 12:32 AM

Orton stares off into the crowd as Lilian attempts to help him save money on his car insurance.

Always with the fans in mind, RVD kicks the cameraman in the face so we don't have to watch another Steiner pec shot.

Steiner's pushups are interrupted by a flasher at ringside.

Vince scoffs at Coach's idea to let him sing all the entrance themes.

Flair is indignant at Bubba Ray's insistance that he is stealing Foley's gimmick.

Flair refuses to disqualify the newcomer for masturbating in the ring.

In fact, he encourages Batista to follow his example.

"I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance, sucka!"

Orton displays his ignorance of the correct administration of the Heimlick Maneuver.

"Hey! He stole my push!"

Kane's tryout for the 2004 Olympic shot put team was impressive.

Coach: Well if I can't sing the entrance themes, can I at least do a new theme song for the show?"

"Trish, I just want you to know, you've got dandruff all over your shirt."

The new mutated "Triple HBK" didn't go over well with the fans.

Michaels' new career: invasive proctology.

HHH refuses to job to his own hair.

...or even HBK's.

Flair attempts to seperate the conjoined HHHBK.

WWE's new marketing campagin: Hardcore Footsies.

Eric Bischoff: Scoutmaster

"We don't tolerate man-boobs around here!"

Tired of the catch phrase "break the walls down," Jericho decides instead to close the walls in on all those who would hold him down.

Austin had gone unseen in his camouflage, but was spotted by the light shining off his bald head.

"My god man, put that back in your pants!"

**Vastardikai** · 12-31-2003, 12:50 AM

Time for some crappy captions. Are you ready? Oh well, I'm starting anyway!

Standing in the Ring, Orton realizes that someone put too much starch in his pants.

Steiner attempts to put RVD away with Mileena's Suck and Spit Fatality

Vince has gone from the Billionaire owner of a Fortune 500 Company to being the victim of a "Pull My Finger" Gag. How the Mighty have fallen...

Bubba: Referee's shouldn't wear khaki pants.

Ric: And you shouldn't wear shorts either, Chicken Legs!

Bubba: What do you mean I have Chicken Legs?

Ric suddenly asks for a bucket as the Ex-Lax laced coffee kicks in: Mark Henry has finally gotten his revenge.

Batista: What's a "FLA put SHIRT?"

The WWE Logo didn't know, either.

The ladies found out that the rumors about Lance are true! (sorry, I had nothing, but for the most part, I try anyway!)

Ref: why does he have that look on his face?

Booker: because he knows that he'll never job... DAMMIT!

Booker T is in trouble until the Hand birthed by Mae Young makes the save.

His jaw then drops when he realized that the Hand was actually Thing from the Adams Family.

Stolen Joke Alert: Kane tries to help Booker T climb over the Glass Ceiling.

Coach tries the joke again on Florence Henderson, who chides him for his immaturity.

Trish: A gift for me! How Sweet, what is it?

Y2J: A gift certificate for Acting Lessons

The Ref shows some disappointment, as he's out of position to see if Stacy remembered her panties this time...

Jackie laughs at the thought of Stacy forgetting her Panties until Victoria reminded her about her last nipple slip.

There's a Monty Python song that goes along with this picture, but I can't remember which one...

The Ref is disappointed again, he ALWAYS misses the good panty shots...

But when Trish offers him a chance Later tonight, his spirits rise.

or

The Ref points out the girl who he wants to marry to his Mother watching at home.

**Corkscrewed** · 12-31-2003, 09:55 PM

The failure of the Ortonbot 2000 reduced it from complex interactive robot to world's most expensive paperweight ($5999 at wwweshopzone.com).

RVD, after drifting asea from an island where he was constantly being buried, emerged on a new island as... a GIANT!
(a good rep to anyone who possibly gets that allusion)

Steiner was about to do another push up when suddenly, his muscles snapped, rendering him unable to go down.

Coach (in Aussie accent): "Wow! This here's a real Vincentaurus McMahonasaurus! Check out its confused gaze as I touch it!"

Flair: "I won't tell anyone you look like a bumble bee if you don't tell anyone I look like a zebra!"
Bubba: "DEAL!"

Offstage: "Now, Ric, piroette... Good! Good! Congratulations! You're our new swan princess for next year's Christmas opera!"

Batista: "YOU WILL RESPECT THE SWAN PRINCESS!!!"
Flair: "Woooooooooo!!!"

At that moment, Terri realized she was a washed up old former diva who DEFINITELY couldn't cut it with the new crowd.

Booker T found his new Ortonbot 2000 v.2 just as glitchy and freeze-prone as his original.

More concerning was its tendency to attack and choke people while proclaiming in its stoic, robotic voice, "Hunter will be king."

Offstage: "Hey Booker! Show your O face!"
Booker: "O... O... O..."
(pat yourself on the back if you get that one... it's easy)

Kane was damned if he was gonna let Booker T be elevated above him!

Coach: "The Lindamarion McMahonasaurus is known to be quite confused and stretch its neck in dismay as well!"

Y2J: "Hey Trish, for Christmas, I got you some of my ring ability and skill."
Trish: "Oh thanks! It's-- hey, what's that supposed to mean???"

Stacy felt rather cold down there.

Victoria: "I can't believe Stacy just posed for GGW!!!"
Jackie: "Yeah, but you get $5000 per public nudity exposure."
Victoria: "Really....?"

Lita: "Yeah, and $10,000 for public acts of sexual exhibitionism!"

Trish was pleasantly shocked. No cleavage shots in over two months and suddenly two in on night! This was amazing!"

The girls were ecstatic with relief, having won the first ever "loser has to sleep with Triple H" match.

Mid-match, Shawn looked up in the sky to see a flaming object hurtle towards the ground. Wait, was that his push?

Michaels certainly had a way of being detailed with his prostate exams.

Right about now, Triple H could sure go for some of Edge's Japanese hair shampoo.

At the prospect of Triple H locked in an extended feud with his friend Shawn Michaels, the system glitched, Hunter's left arm morphed into Michael's face, and the first Matrix crashed.

Triple H uses Michaels as leverage when an old man tries to pull him down into the lulls of decrepid midcard hell.

Just one more push and HBK's birth of a fully grown Triple H was a healthy success.

When Bischoff started singing the Barney "I Love You" song, Shawn Michaels got the heck out of there, lest he be like Triple H, who was already knocked out.

It was a hard decision for Shawn to make, pull the finger and get a push, or DON'T pull the figure and face the consequences...

On really hot and passionate nights, both men would end up exhausted after hours of heated love.

Suddenly, Rikishi crashed through the top of the Titantron, aimed straight at Stone Cold as part of the WWE writer's attempt to repeat history and garner higher ratings.

Austin: "Wait, 'kish... so you did it for... The Brock???"

12-30-2003, 04:43 PM	#1
Azriel The Caption Crippler Posts: 8,855	RAW Captions Thread (12/29/03)

12-30-2003, 04:48 PM	#2
Azriel The Caption Crippler Posts: 8,855	Much to Orton's chagrin, Lillian avoided the temptation to stare at Randy's ass. Unfortunately for Scott, his reenactment of the chest-ripping scene from Alien wasn't met with much approval.

12-30-2003, 04:50 PM	#3
The Naitch RAPTURE READY. Posts: 31,936	-Ric Flairs' version of the People's Elbow doesn't sit too well with the people HHH: God I look hidious HBK: I put the K in Kamasutra, boyeee! HHH: Well I put the H in homo-erotic! HHH: You don't mind if Ric joins us? HBK: No I don't mind...I like Ric

12-30-2003, 05:38 PM	#4
Azriel The Caption Crippler Posts: 8,855	HHH was a bit confused because he thought this was a tag match

12-30-2003, 06:11 PM	#5
tuk420 Ezekiel 25:17 Posts: 12	The crowd was stunned as a tiny muscle-bound man popped out of RVD's ass. Vince felt a sudden sinking feeling, as he realized why Coach thought they should share a hotel room "to save money." No my friend, I'll shoot YOU in the ass! Batista was confused, wasn't Ric usually on his knees when he made that face? Terri: HO HO HO Trish/Lita/Stacy: Wha....HEY! Trish: But I didn't get you anything. Y2J: The cleavage shot is thanks enough. At this precise moment all the men sitting in row 1A, knew they were not getting up to cheer anytime soon. An embarassed Lita realizes that her tail has popped out of her tights. God I love the holidays. After easily sucking HBK's head up his ass, HHH knew the shoulders would be the hardest part.

12-30-2003, 06:18 PM	#6
Azriel The Caption Crippler Posts: 8,855	Coach was about to do a "you're a homo" joke, but retracted when he realized who he was talking to.

12-30-2003, 08:15 PM	#7
tuk420 Ezekiel 25:17 Posts: 12	You know, Flair's run-ins have become less entertaining now that he has to be helped into the ring.

12-30-2003, 10:14 PM	#8
loopydate FIT Challenge Slag People Posts: 13,816	LILIAN: That's right, folks, Ortonbot V2.0 is the perfect addition to ANY New Year's party! His bent right arm is perfect for cradling dip. Steiner and RVD show how Peter Jackson did that whole "forced perspective" thing for the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy. The look on Steiner's face says it all. This diving headbutt was not going to end well. With Coach backing him up on the human beatbox, Vince busted out some phat rhymes. Somewhere, John Cena wept. BUBBA: Did you break out of prison? RIC: No, no, no. Look at the stripes. Horizontal means prisoner, vertical means referee! BUBBA: Whoops, then sorry I called the cops on you. With the heat on, Flair managed a pretty speedy escape for an old guy. BATISTA: No! Throw the grapes in his MOUTH, ya freakin' moron! Terri reacts to Trish's beautiful man-voice. REF: Watch yourself, Shaniqua. You may have escaped from SmackDown, but Triple H will NEVER let you go over his boy. Randy Orton: Master of 1,000 Impressions strikes again. His Jack Nicholson was always a hit. Booker T shows the ill effects of having had his lip disced. Kane had impeccable aim. When he spiked people, they ALWAYS hit the WWE logo. Linda's a cappella operatic aria was met with slightly less enthusiasm. Y2J: Okay, here's the clears throat special present. TRISH: Ooh! Does this one vibrate? Y2J: Shhhhhhh! Molly had made her decision. To become the most popular diva on RAW, she'd have to hit the others where it hurts. She begins by devouring Stacy's legs. Victoria thinks it's gross, but Jackie gets a sick pleasure out of it. Of course, she also hangs out with Rico, so... Lita looks up in embarassment. When did that crowd show up? Molly next tried to move on to Trish's breasts, but they just overpowered her. Take a guess where those white stains on Trish's clothes came from... Shawn looked up just in time to see a familiar transparent object starting to lower itself from the ceiling. He tried everything to hold it up. But only one could rise above it. When the glass ceiling mysteriously raised itself back up, Triple H knew that he would have to take out Michaels the old-fashioned way. If Steve Blackman was, in fact, back, he would have to take out the threat at hand first. That Triple H is so nice. He takes time out of his matches to help old men cross the ring. EARL: That's right. Now, Hunter, I want you to turn to the camera and lick your lips. Got it? Beautiful. To round out WWE Authority Figures Open Mic Night, Eric Bischoff stuns the crowd with a pitch-perfect rendition of "Let's Hear It For The Boy." BISCHOFF: So, wait, let me see if I got this straight. The black sheep had THREE bags? MICHAELS: That's right. BISCHOFF: What the hell did the little boy who lives down the lane do to deserve a bag of wool? If you play this replay backwards, you get a subliminal message. On an unrelated topic, I just enlisted in the Army. Once again, sitting at home, loopydate begs Kane to come out and set off his pyro. AUSTIN: Where's DX? I got something to drop on their bus! JR: Bah Gawd! KING: It's not 2000 anymore...

12-31-2003, 12:00 AM	#9
Innovator Inno Knows. Posts: 43,710	RVD lays still, Steiner can only see people if they move Having enough of Austin and his shenanegins, the WWE logo and his partner WWE microphone lay a beating on Stone Cold

12-31-2003, 12:32 AM	#11
ColdwaVer Darth Teedious Posts: 4,634	Orton stares off into the crowd as Lilian attempts to help him save money on his car insurance. Always with the fans in mind, RVD kicks the cameraman in the face so we don't have to watch another Steiner pec shot. Steiner's pushups are interrupted by a flasher at ringside. Vince scoffs at Coach's idea to let him sing all the entrance themes. Flair is indignant at Bubba Ray's insistance that he is stealing Foley's gimmick. Flair refuses to disqualify the newcomer for masturbating in the ring. In fact, he encourages Batista to follow his example. "I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance, sucka!" Orton displays his ignorance of the correct administration of the Heimlick Maneuver. "Hey! He stole my push!" Kane's tryout for the 2004 Olympic shot put team was impressive. Coach: Well if I can't sing the entrance themes, can I at least do a new theme song for the show?" "Trish, I just want you to know, you've got dandruff all over your shirt." The new mutated "Triple HBK" didn't go over well with the fans. Michaels' new career: invasive proctology. HHH refuses to job to his own hair. ...or even HBK's. Flair attempts to seperate the conjoined HHHBK. WWE's new marketing campagin: Hardcore Footsies. Eric Bischoff: Scoutmaster "We don't tolerate man-boobs around here!" Tired of the catch phrase "break the walls down," Jericho decides instead to close the walls in on all those who would hold him down. Austin had gone unseen in his camouflage, but was spotted by the light shining off his bald head. "My god man, put that back in your pants!"

12-31-2003, 12:50 AM	#12
Vastardikai Taller than Adam Cole Posts: 10,876	Time for some crappy captions. Are you ready? Oh well, I'm starting anyway! Standing in the Ring, Orton realizes that someone put too much starch in his pants. Steiner attempts to put RVD away with Mileena's Suck and Spit Fatality Vince has gone from the Billionaire owner of a Fortune 500 Company to being the victim of a "Pull My Finger" Gag. How the Mighty have fallen... Bubba: Referee's shouldn't wear khaki pants. Ric: And you shouldn't wear shorts either, Chicken Legs! Bubba: What do you mean I have Chicken Legs? Ric suddenly asks for a bucket as the Ex-Lax laced coffee kicks in: Mark Henry has finally gotten his revenge. Batista: What's a "FLA put SHIRT?" The WWE Logo didn't know, either. The ladies found out that the rumors about Lance are true! (sorry, I had nothing, but for the most part, I try anyway!) Ref: why does he have that look on his face? Booker: because he knows that he'll never job... DAMMIT! Booker T is in trouble until the Hand birthed by Mae Young makes the save. His jaw then drops when he realized that the Hand was actually Thing from the Adams Family. Stolen Joke Alert: Kane tries to help Booker T climb over the Glass Ceiling. Coach tries the joke again on Florence Henderson, who chides him for his immaturity. Trish: A gift for me! How Sweet, what is it? Y2J: A gift certificate for Acting Lessons The Ref shows some disappointment, as he's out of position to see if Stacy remembered her panties this time... Jackie laughs at the thought of Stacy forgetting her Panties until Victoria reminded her about her last nipple slip. There's a Monty Python song that goes along with this picture, but I can't remember which one... The Ref is disappointed again, he ALWAYS misses the good panty shots... But when Trish offers him a chance Later tonight, his spirits rise. or The Ref points out the girl who he wants to marry to his Mother watching at home.

12-31-2003, 09:55 PM	#13
Corkscrewed Posts: 18,357	The failure of the Ortonbot 2000 reduced it from complex interactive robot to world's most expensive paperweight ($5999 at wwweshopzone.com). RVD, after drifting asea from an island where he was constantly being buried, emerged on a new island as... a GIANT! (a good rep to anyone who possibly gets that allusion) Steiner was about to do another push up when suddenly, his muscles snapped, rendering him unable to go down. Coach (in Aussie accent): "Wow! This here's a real Vincentaurus McMahonasaurus! Check out its confused gaze as I touch it!" Flair: "I won't tell anyone you look like a bumble bee if you don't tell anyone I look like a zebra!" Bubba: "DEAL!" Offstage: "Now, Ric, piroette... Good! Good! Congratulations! You're our new swan princess for next year's Christmas opera!" Batista: "YOU WILL RESPECT THE SWAN PRINCESS!!!" Flair: "Woooooooooo!!!" At that moment, Terri realized she was a washed up old former diva who DEFINITELY couldn't cut it with the new crowd. Booker T found his new Ortonbot 2000 v.2 just as glitchy and freeze-prone as his original. More concerning was its tendency to attack and choke people while proclaiming in its stoic, robotic voice, "Hunter will be king." Offstage: "Hey Booker! Show your O face!" Booker: "O... O... O..." (pat yourself on the back if you get that one... it's easy) Kane was damned if he was gonna let Booker T be elevated above him! Coach: "The Lindamarion McMahonasaurus is known to be quite confused and stretch its neck in dismay as well!" Y2J: "Hey Trish, for Christmas, I got you some of my ring ability and skill." Trish: "Oh thanks! It's-- hey, what's that supposed to mean???" Stacy felt rather cold down there. Victoria: "I can't believe Stacy just posed for GGW!!!" Jackie: "Yeah, but you get $5000 per public nudity exposure." Victoria: "Really....?" Lita: "Yeah, and $10,000 for public acts of sexual exhibitionism!" Trish was pleasantly shocked. No cleavage shots in over two months and suddenly two in on night! This was amazing!" The girls were ecstatic with relief, having won the first ever "loser has to sleep with Triple H" match. Mid-match, Shawn looked up in the sky to see a flaming object hurtle towards the ground. Wait, was that his push? Michaels certainly had a way of being detailed with his prostate exams. Right about now, Triple H could sure go for some of Edge's Japanese hair shampoo. At the prospect of Triple H locked in an extended feud with his friend Shawn Michaels, the system glitched, Hunter's left arm morphed into Michael's face, and the first Matrix crashed. Triple H uses Michaels as leverage when an old man tries to pull him down into the lulls of decrepid midcard hell. Just one more push and HBK's birth of a fully grown Triple H was a healthy success. When Bischoff started singing the Barney "I Love You" song, Shawn Michaels got the heck out of there, lest he be like Triple H, who was already knocked out. It was a hard decision for Shawn to make, pull the finger and get a push, or DON'T pull the figure and face the consequences... On really hot and passionate nights, both men would end up exhausted after hours of heated love. Suddenly, Rikishi crashed through the top of the Titantron, aimed straight at Stone Cold as part of the WWE writer's attempt to repeat history and garner higher ratings. Austin: "Wait, 'kish... so you did it for... The Brock???"