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Old 02-21-2005, 03:18 PM   #1
Kane Knight
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What we need is some controversy.
I don't mean on the board, I mean in wrestling. You know, like Taboo Tuesday without the predicability, the nearly PC attitude, and the overall suckitude.

Here's my plans:

Cena needs to thug it up. By that, I mean he needs to bitch slap some other punk-ass celebrity. Preferably some conservative fuck like Limbaugh, who's probably bitched about raps and ghetto culture before. Or he could fued with the PTC. By feud, I mean recruit some of his Chain Gang followers to strap bombs to their chests and walk into the PTC's headquarters.

The Divas will start doing hardcore full on lesbian porn. It will air at the end of PPVs and fill out the half hour they never used. I'll still feel gipped after PPVs like NWO, but it'll be hard to complain when all the blood's in my dick.

An addendum to that last one, they will hire more attractive Divas.

No excuses for the RVD's tag team move is called "4:20." He's a fucking pothead, and anyone he's tagging with is on a massive fucking contact high.

Vince McMahon will start showing up in one of those hospital gowns. You know, the ones that don't cover up your ass? On Smackdown, which is on Network Cable, this will be covered up by an American flag.

HHH confesses that he was George W Bush's mistress. He will then show footage of him going down on Flair in a Bush mask.

Full frontal nudity on Raw. Vince can afford the fines, and imagine the love he'd get for being the one bastard who stands up to the FCC.

If that doesn't work, Move Cena to Raw and have him bust Eminem-esque rhymes live on TV. Include the words fuck and faggot a lot.

Hire Chyna back, and undress her on a PPV. Not for the sexual value, mind, but to answer the question once and for all...Man or woman? Have people bet online.

Crossovers: Have Rock hit a Rock Bottom on Luke Skywalker. Orton RKOs Veronica Mars. Just do something besides Star Trek: Enterprise. Crossovers only work if someone cares about the show. Triple H vs Jason Vorhees. Chris Jericho vs Peter Steel. Have Jericho call Lurch a pussy, and let them duke it out onstage.

Give Shanon Moore a sex change. Even with the "punk" look, nobody believes he's really a guy.

The foreigners they keep bringing in are too vanilla. Offer contracts to al Qaeda. Best thing is, you can pay 'em in livestock.

Bring Back Rico. Make Him Hardcore Holly's "friend." It'll finally explain the "Hardcore" Monicker.

Explosions.

Let JBL Goose-Step on TV. Set up Smackdown! PPVs in Harlem, San Franscisco, and wherever the fuck Jews hang out.. Nuff Said.

Spin-off show: Who want to kick Lesnar in the balls?

Sue EVERYONE. Sue TNA, Sue Ted Turner, sue Al Gore (For inventing the Internet). Sue the Olympics. Sue CNN. Sue anyone with W or E in the irname. For that matter, Sue PBS.

Vince has to declare himself "Bigger than Jesus." This must be done in a public forum.

“There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”

--John Rogers
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Old 02-21-2005, 03:31 PM   #2
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Nacho Man has done some stupid things
You're an idiot.
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Old 02-21-2005, 03:48 PM   #3
Kane Knight
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nacho Man
You're an idiot.
And you, sir, are a transvestite!
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Old 02-21-2005, 03:31 PM   #4
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at everything except the Chyna thing.

at that.
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Old 02-21-2005, 03:49 PM   #5
Kane Knight
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Corkscrewed
at everything except the Chyna thing.

at that.
Like you've never been curious...
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Old 02-21-2005, 04:02 PM   #6
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I thought the porno established that he was a man. Not that I saw it... but I've heard things, ya know?
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Old 02-21-2005, 04:05 PM   #7
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I'd also suggest matches where the winner gets to fuck the loser in the ass. Not in a gay way, but more like a prison way. It would make things a little less predictable. You know, it may be in the script for somebody to lose, but with a good ol' fashioned ass raping on the line he may still be inclined to kick out of that half assed pin cover.
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Old 02-21-2005, 11:11 PM   #8
Kane Knight
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AareDub
I'd also suggest matches where the winner gets to fuck the loser in the ass. Not in a gay way, but more like a prison way. It would make things a little less predictable. You know, it may be in the script for somebody to lose, but with a good ol' fashioned ass raping on the line he may still be inclined to kick out of that half assed pin cover.
Triple H would still be on top then. If you're gonna lay down, it might as well be to a guy with a tiny cock.
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Old 02-21-2005, 04:09 PM   #9
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Even better, resign Chyna, and have her make a sex tape with Triple H. Show it on PPV as part of the Fanatic series.
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Old 02-21-2005, 04:18 PM   #10
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Skip the stacker 2 ads and just start promoting and encouraging the use of anabolic steroids.
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Old 02-21-2005, 04:26 PM   #11
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Have Hassan come out to the ring with a bomb strapped to his chest and have him demand a title shot. THAT will get the media's attention.
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Old 02-21-2005, 04:29 PM   #12
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Cena should definitely goes nuts on the FCC. That would draw attention.
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Old 02-21-2005, 04:54 PM   #13
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Have Austin come back and just beat the living shit out of the diva's. I'm talking black eyes and broken bones.
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Old 02-21-2005, 05:02 PM   #14
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Have Lita get pregnant again, only to manually get the baby aborted. Rehash feud with Gene Snitsky, with a revamped catchphrase of "IT'S NOT YOUR CHOICE!"
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Old 02-21-2005, 05:07 PM   #15
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Have Hassan come out with a picture of Bin Laden which he kisses or as KK said just sign up Bin Laden and have him be Hassan's mentor.
KK - Genius
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Old 02-21-2005, 11:13 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anybody Thrilla
Have Lita get pregnant again, only to manually get the baby aborted. Rehash feud with Gene Snitsky, with a revamped catchphrase of "IT'S NOT YOUR CHOICE!"
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Old 02-21-2005, 05:26 PM   #17
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Have HHH throw himself off a 1 kilometre high building and show the results of the explosion on live TV without censoring.
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Old 02-21-2005, 05:28 PM   #18
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I hate to break this to you, but there usually isn't an explosion after a fall like that.
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Old 02-21-2005, 06:57 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anybody Thrilla
I hate to break this to you, but there usually isn't an explosion after a fall like that.
blood and body parts everywhere... ''SPLUT''
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Old 02-21-2005, 05:41 PM   #20
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there is if u land on a bed of explosive substances having jumped of a 1 kilometre high building WHILST on fire!
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Old 02-21-2005, 05:54 PM   #21
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Yeah, I guess.
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Old 02-21-2005, 05:54 PM   #22
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You guys are some sick fucks...


But how come nobody mentioned the REAL Stephanie/Triple H marriage and honeymoon tape. Fuck that shit they showed on RAW in 1999.
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Old 02-21-2005, 06:43 PM   #23
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Kane Knight, that shit was great.
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Old 02-21-2005, 06:54 PM   #24
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yeah i wanna see the Triple H/Stephanie sex tape. How come the people you dont wanna see sex tapes with come out.. and the people you wanna see... never do...
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Old 02-21-2005, 10:47 PM   #25
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I really like the Hassan angle mentioned above. I can totally see it.

(A video comes on at the start of RAW of Hassan with an AK-47)

Hassan: I'm tired of this shit, Bischoff! You give me a fucking title shot, or the blonde bitch gets it!

(Video pans to Stacy Kiebler, Lita, Trish Stratus, Molly Holly, and Lillian Garcia naked and hog tied, screaming with ties in their mouths. Divari removes Stacy's momentarily.)

Stacy: RANDY HELP ME!!!

Divari: SHUT IT, BITCH! *whack*

Hassan: You see?! YOU SEE!? We don't like to hurt people, but God damnit, you racist Americans give us no choice! I will execute a Diva every 30 minutes until I am given my title shot, and Triple H lays down for me. AL QAEDA ALLAH LADA MUSAI!!!

(Bischoff is shown, rubbing his temples, a concerned Coachman standing by.)

Coach: Jesus christ, Eric...

Bischoff: I know, I know... now I have to hire MORE fucking Divas!
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Old 02-21-2005, 11:04 PM   #26
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I really like the Cena one too.

(John Cena shows up on RAW at the top of the hour.)

John Cena: Yo, yo, yo, check this...

John Cenas arrived baby, I'm leaving Smackdown behind,
I got live broadcasts and World Titles fresh on the mind.
I'm sorry to leave Van Dam, cause we was smokin' the grass,
But I'm here to kick Triple H's fuckin' fat faggotty ass.

I'm sick of Flair and Evolution, it's gettin' worse than the Kliq,
Like HBK before him, Triple H be suckin' McMahon's dick.
How else do you think he gets the title back every month?
I guess it could be the fact that he's married to Steph McCunt.

The ratings on RAW have been fast falling like asteroids
The sudden loss in definition, like Triple H's pecs after the steroids.
Triple H, your losin all of your credibility, man,
Your shortening the length of the average fan's attention span!
So face it, Game, the ratings been falling for weeks!
Ric would tell you himself, if his head weren't between your ass cheeks.

So fuck Evolution, fuck Triple H and Ric Flair,
Fresh outta Smackdown, Cena's the only one with a pair.
Triple H, get your ass out here, show the new guy some class,
Or I'mma take that World Title and jam it straight up your ass.
Word fucking life.
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Old 02-22-2005, 02:27 AM   #27
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Have the WWE strap explosives to a panda. That'll show those tree-huggin hippies.
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Old 02-22-2005, 08:29 AM   #28
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Castrate Brock Lesnar.
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Old 02-22-2005, 11:48 AM   #29
Kane Knight
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Castrate Brock Lesnar.
But then who would we kick in the nuts?
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Old 02-22-2005, 04:47 PM   #30
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But then who would we kick in the nuts?
Hardcore Holly.

"I paid my dues by giving up my balls."
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Old 02-22-2005, 08:25 PM   #31
Kane Knight
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VJW
Hardcore Holly.

"I paid my dues by giving up my balls."
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Old 02-22-2005, 09:52 AM   #32
Azriel
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Oh God, this is too much
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Old 02-23-2005, 03:06 PM   #33
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ROFLMAO. Remind me to rep you all later.
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