JR Retiring, breaking news inside.

[Kane Knight]

It is being reported that after raw went off the air Monday night, JR was handed a microphone. He said he wanted to set a few things straight.

First, he addressed his recent "food-related" comments, which broke the WWE's policy of specifically addressing the internet. He felt it was in poor taste to make fun of such it, and decided to reveal why. Good Ole Jim Ross is now 3 months pregnant. The food cravings are merely indicative of his condition.Expect a 90 lb bouncing baby sooner in October.

Second, he addressed the recent backstage politics, and voiced extreme displeasure with the fan's reaction to Lita. He reminded them that she had recently lost a baby, and that this likely contributed to her behaviour. Obviously, he was not so glib, and slipped up a few times (Shouting "Stunner!")

Last, with the WWE's blatant disregard to the safety of his unborn child, Jim Ross announced his immediate retirement. He said the work conditions were intolerable enough without the imminent physical harm he was being subjected to.

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I would like to offer my best wishes to JR in all future endeavors.

Some notes:

• Rumours backstage indicate that HHH Begged him to have an abortion. This match was evidently booked in retaliation.
• Ross is not showing yet, but that's to be expected from a man whose breasts are larger than most toddlers.
• I personally caught up to Ross' ringside partner, Jerry "The King" Lawler this afternoon. When I asked him if he knew who the father was, he kicked me in the balls and ran.