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Old 04-19-2005, 06:01 PM   #1
Kane Knight
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JR Retiring, breaking news inside.
It is being reported that after raw went off the air Monday night, JR was handed a microphone. He said he wanted to set a few things straight.

First, he addressed his recent "food-related" comments, which broke the WWE's policy of specifically addressing the internet. He felt it was in poor taste to make fun of such it, and decided to reveal why. Good Ole Jim Ross is now 3 months pregnant. The food cravings are merely indicative of his condition.Expect a 90 lb bouncing baby sooner in October.

Second, he addressed the recent backstage politics, and voiced extreme displeasure with the fan's reaction to Lita. He reminded them that she had recently lost a baby, and that this likely contributed to her behaviour. Obviously, he was not so glib, and slipped up a few times (Shouting "Stunner!")

Last, with the WWE's blatant disregard to the safety of his unborn child, Jim Ross announced his immediate retirement. He said the work conditions were intolerable enough without the imminent physical harm he was being subjected to.

-------

I would like to offer my best wishes to JR in all future endeavors.

Some notes:

  • Rumours backstage indicate that HHH Begged him to have an abortion. This match was evidently booked in retaliation.
  • Ross is not showing yet, but that's to be expected from a man whose breasts are larger than most toddlers.
  • I personally caught up to Ross' ringside partner, Jerry "The King" Lawler this afternoon. When I asked him if he knew who the father was, he kicked me in the balls and ran.

“There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”

--John Rogers
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Old 04-19-2005, 06:14 PM   #2
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LMAO... funny stuff
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Old 04-19-2005, 06:14 PM   #3
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Damn you for getting my hopes up! I've been waiting for them get JR out from behind the announce table for long time now.

Now that that's over I would like to speculate on who the father of JR's child is. I bet it's Edge. After his recent actions it deffinately seems like he will nail anything that walks upright (and a few things that don't).
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Old 04-19-2005, 06:21 PM   #4
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You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Kane Knight again.
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Old 04-19-2005, 06:43 PM   #5
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JR is pregnant?
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Old 04-19-2005, 09:31 PM   #6
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BAH GAWD NO MORNING AFTER PILL!!
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Old 04-20-2005, 12:11 AM   #7
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Buahahaahha!!!

KK cracks me up.
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Old 04-20-2005, 12:16 AM   #8
Kane Knight
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PureHatred
BAH GAWD NO MORNING AFTER PILL!!
Sadly, he's catholic.
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Old 04-20-2005, 12:18 AM   #9
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The hell started these food jokes?
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Old 04-20-2005, 12:19 AM   #10
loopydate
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BAH GAWD, THAT MORNING SICKNESS AIN'T MADE A PICKLES!

Mmm... Pickles.
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