SmackDown! Captions [1/15/04]

[loopydate]

JOHN: Is this your pet ladybug?
PAUL: John, I know we've had our problems...
JOHN: Do you love your pet ladybug?
PAUL: John, you don't want to do this...
JOHN: You wouldn't want anything to hap--
Squish
PAUL: OH, GOD! JOHN, YOU SONOFA--
JOHN: Psyche! Man, it was just a Sudafed I put polka dots on, yo!



John's head exploded after Paul jammed the microphone into his left temple and began humming at a low frequency.



Jamie and Nidia were nervous. They knew the Empire of the Sun had never forgiven the States for Hiroshima and Nagasaki, but now that the gay Nazi referee was on their side, wrestling's version of WWII was going to get ugly...



Oh, my God! That black mist not only blinded Nidia, it drove her eyeballs down into her chest! Oh, wait...



RIKISHI: Don't they usually give out longer straps for strap matches?



Scotty knew he was in trouble. He forgot that he, of all people, should NOT be chewing Wrigley's around Rikishi...

RIKISHI: Mmmmm... Gummy Worm...



Scotty did THE WORST Dino Bravo impression ever.



The first-ever male Bra & Panties match wasn't very over.



EDDIE: I loved you in Stand and Deliver, ese.
CHAVO: I'm not Edward James Olmos...



Eddie learns that he, too, can cause the Butterfly Effect.



Eddie, you could have picked a better part of your anatomy to lead with...



TAZZ: Look, Cole! Chavo's standing, and I think he's going to deliver a shot on Eddie!
COLE: That's not Edward James Olmos...



DAWN: Welcome to another edition of "Learn How To Speak Like JR." Tonight's word: "awnarie."
COLE: Isn't it "ornery?"
TAZZ: Shut up. At least she used the right alphabet this time.



Mexican Standoff: Two or more people with guns at the ready, prepared to fire upon each other (as seen in films like Reservoir Dogs)
Italian Standoff: Two or more people with fingers at the ready, prepared to call each other homos (as seen in tonight's SmackDown)



Chuck was taken aback. Who knew that Nunzio could morph into Kurrgan?



The crowd sat in uncharacteristic silence. Someone should have suplexed his man by now, but instead of discussing the match, Nunzio and Johnny were too busy arguing over which stable was cooler: the original FBI or the Natural Born Thrillers.



CHUCK: Okay! The FBI was cooler! That's no need to hit Johnny!
NUNZIO: What?
JOHNNY: Oh, my teeth...



Tonight was the night: The Cruiserweights were taking back SmackDown!



At least, that's what those bastard backstage pranksters led Funaki to believe...



John Cena prepares to go all Dee Brown on Rhyno's ass!



If you slow the tape down, you can pinpoint the exact instance that John became too excited for his shorts to hold.



It was bad enough that Rhyno's role in the company is shrinking down to nothing. Do they have to actually SHRINK Rhyno down while they're doing it?



John was proud of himself, blissfully unaware that the Monty Python Dragon on Rhyno's singlet was about to bite his ear off.



The Nazi shouldn't have looked at the Ark...



JOHN: That's pretty impressive that you managed to rig up that kendo stick out of the shards of the table.
PAUL: Thanks. I like to think of myself as the Extreme MacGyver.
JOHN: Can you show me how you did that?



PAUL: Well, for starters, this isn't a very good place to start.



JOHN: Ice cream sandwich? I ate the little chocolate cookie stuff, but the ice cream's still good.
PAUL: No, really. You can have it.



JOHN: No, I insist.



JOHN: EAT THE F***KING ICE CREAM!
COLE: Jesus...
TAZZ: Lemme guess... Hayes is booking this segment?
JOHN: TASTE THE VANILLA GOODNESS!!!



Okay, my vision isn't so good, but does that sign say "Hooty Butt Mom?"