Corky's 10,000th Post Extravaganza (wrestling related, don't worry Funky Fly)

[Corkscrewed]

Wow. Three years (or so). 10,000 posts. It's been a long way from my days as a regular n00b who didn't stand out to captioning apprentice slash Lamuella idolizer to funny caption guy to best C-fedder ever ( ). But I stand firmly in saying this is the best wrestling message board on the web, and I'm proud to have been here.



To commemorate this, I offer some choices as to questions you can ask me. Choose ONE (at a time) and I will give a personal response.

1. Pick two wrestlers to feud and I will create a feud. Specify if you want a serious feud or a silly one. I might listen.

2. Choose a wrestler and I will tell you what would happen if he faced Taz(z).

3. Gimme a random Wrestling Scenes from a Hat topic and I'll give a response.

4. Name two wrestlers and I will tell who would kick the other's ass and why.

5. Name a wrestler and I'd tell you how he/she would assassinate HHH or Vince McMahon.


So there ya go. I also expect rep, because I'm really Paul Carrington in disguise.

SWERVE!!

I'm really just LC.





OK, not really.

[LK]

Name a wrestler and I'd tell you how he/she would assassinate HHH or Vince McMahon.
Y2J

[Corkscrewed]

Name a wrestler and I'd tell you how he/she would assassinate HHH or Vince McMahon. Y2J

For his birthday, HHH arranges to have Motorhead play at his party. Jericho gets word of this and uses his Canadian Ninja skills that he learned from Stu Hart's dungeon to kidnap the entire band and ship them off to Somalia. Then, he takes their place at the party.

On the big day, HHH can't tell that it's not Motorhead, cuz both bands sound like they're choking on cigarettes as they're singing. Jericho takes this time to bash HHH's head in with his guitar, then throws him through the drums and pummels him with a propane BBQ grill. Jericho then locks in the original Walls of Jericho while positioning HHH on top of the grill, broiling him in Stephanie's own juices.

Unfortunately, HHH completely no sells it, since it's only a mere Canadian wrestler trying to kill him, which validates the old adage: "If you're over and Canadian, you can't kill Triple H."

In grief, Jericho drives home like a maniac and runs over Vince McMahon while going through Connecticut. HHH ascends to the throne and banishes Jericho to Uruguay, where he spends the rest of his life musing over how he killed his boss.

[SuperSlim]

1. Jericho vs Cena (silly)

[HankScorpio]

Option 2 & 4 mixed please

Bobcore Holly. Vs. Charlie Hass... With a Taz(z) run-in

[LK]

vBulletin Message
You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Corkscrewed again.

Good stuff Corky

[NoRoolz]

Congratulations .

4: Kurt Angle V Bret Hart :P (Real fight or wrestling match - your choice).

[Corkscrewed]

Originally Posted by SuperSlim 1. Jericho vs Cena (silly)

After treating RAW to a round of "John Cena is a Little Bitch" Jericho talks about how rock is way better than rap. Cena comes out and says no it's not, but Jericho's band comes and beats Cena down.

The following week, Cena brings his Chain Gang over, and a massive gang war ensues, with Cena getting the better of Jericho by hypnotizing him with his spinning belt, the FU'ing Jericho off the stage.

At the next PPV, during Cena's title match, Jericho shows up and gives everyone pictures of Cena when he was the Prototype and looked like a buff turd with bad hair. Cena freaks out and goes after Jericho, only to get attacked by.... K-KWIK!!!

Yes, a returning K-KWIK announces that he was the original rapper, and that Cena is just a wigga. Jericho chimes in and says "yeah, whatever that means."

K-Kwik turns to shake hands with Jericho, but Y2J lays him out with a chair because rap sucks. Before K-Kwik can exact revenge on RAW, Vince fires him after learning he's black. The same week, Shelton Benjamin schedules some plastic surgery.

Cena and Jericho have rap offs and rock-offs up to the culmination of their feud, which sees Jericho pick up the win by reminding Cena he left the stove on at home, then rolling him up and grabbing the tights.

Eventually, Jericho keeps the Spinning Belt cuz it's got a lot of bling, which goes well with Hollywood Jericho and his Rich Band Fozzy.

[V]

meh, wont make you type a fued or anything, just congrats on 10k

[Corkscrewed]

Originally Posted by TheOneLameGunn Option 2 & 4 mixed please Bobcore Holly. Vs. Charlie Hass... With a Taz(z) run-in

It's a tough call, but Haas would kill Bobcore. Reason being that Bob would try his best to injure Charlie, but he'd totally no sell it. We've already seen him flying pile drive himself onto the ring floor and get up like nothing happened. Bob would try to shatter Charlie's shin with a sledgehammer, but Charlie would roar and go apeshit on Bob. Tazz would come in to mediate things, but Bobcore would attack him, only to get choked out by a Tazzmission. Followed by a Tazzplex through a table. Which would break his neck. Twice. All in one move cuz Tazz is da man.

Charlie Haas would then volunteer to have the same done to him, but since he is a Lita/Ultimate Warrior hybrid, he'd actually fly into the crowd and land on some baby. Charlie would be okay despite landing on his neck, but the baby wouldn't, prompting a feud with Gene Snitsky over who is truly the better baby maimer. But that's another feud...

[Corkscrewed]

Originally Posted by NoRoolz Congratulations . 4: Kurt Angle V Bret Hart :P (Real fight or wrestling match - your choice).

After a 7.4 hour submission match that features 392 near-taps, Bret and Kurt realize they're both awesome and it's kinda pointless to fight each other. They agree to focus on more important things. So Bret goes to Atlanta and shoots Goldberg in the ass with a shotgun while Angle has dirty beastiality sex with the hot young wife of the writer who brought up the idea of turning him into a pervert.

[HankScorpio]

Originally Posted by Corkscrewed After treating RAW to a round of "John Cena is a Little Bitch" Jericho talks about how rock is way better than rap. Cena comes out and says no it's not, but Jericho's band comes and beats Cena down. The following week, Cena brings his Chain Gang over, and a massive gang war ensues, with Cena getting the better of Jericho by hypnotizing him with his spinning belt, the FU'ing Jericho off the stage. At the next PPV, during Cena's title match, Jericho shows up...

I really want to see that (title ) fued

Originally Posted by Corkscrewed After treating RAW to a round of "John Cena is a Little Bitch" Jericho talks about how rock is way better than rap. Cena comes out and says no it's not, but Jericho's band comes and beats Cena down. The following week, Cena brings his Chain Gang over, and a massive gang war ensues, with Cena getting the better of Jericho by hypnotizing him with his spinning belt, the FU'ing Jericho off the stage. At the next PPV, during Cena's title match, Jericho shows up and gives everyone pictures of Cena when he was the Prototype and looked like a buff turd with bad hair. Cena freaks out and goes after Jericho, only to get attacked by.... K-KWIK!!! Yes, a returning K-KWIK announces that he was the original rapper, and that Cena is just a wigga. Jericho chimes in and says "yeah, whatever that means." K-Kwik turns to shake hands with Jericho, but Y2J lays him out with a chair because rap sucks. Before K-Kwik can exact revenge on RAW, Vince fires him after learning he's black. The same week, Shelton Benjamin schedules some plastic surgery. Cena and Jericho have rap offs and rock-offs up to the culmination of their feud, which sees Jericho pick up the win by reminding Cena he left the stove on at home, then rolling him up and grabbing the tights. Eventually, Jericho keeps the Spinning Belt cuz it's got a lot of bling, which goes well with Hollywood Jericho and his Rich Band Fozzy.

awesome!

[NoRoolz]

Originally Posted by Corkscrewed After a 7.4 hour submission match that features 392 near-taps, Bret and Kurt realize they're both awesome and it's kinda pointless to fight each other. They agree to focus on more important things. So Bret goes to Atlanta and shoots Goldberg in the ass with a shotgun while Angle has dirty beastiality sex with the hot young wife of the writer who brought up the idea of turning him into a pervert.

LOL Nice one . I had a feeling the result would be a draw .

[Mayo]

haha Corkscrewed is awesome, congrats on the milestone

[Corkscrewed]

'k, repped everyone who replied.

[Lamuella]

Originally Posted by Corkscrewed captioning apprentice slash Lamuella idolizer

[Lamuella]

Originally Posted by Corkscrewed captioning apprentice slash Lamuella idolizer

[Innovator]

4. Kevin Nash vs. HHH

[Nark Order]

1. Pick two wrestlers to feud and I will create a feud. Specify if you want a serious feud or a silly one. I might listen.

Raven vs Goldust (silly)

[Corkscrewed]

Originally Posted by Innovator 4. Kevin Nash vs. HHH

Do I really even have to go into this?

HHH entrance theme hits.

HHH takes one minute to appear on stage.

23 seconds to drink water and spit

47 seconds to walk to ring

15 seconds to get onto apron

2 minutes 18 seconds to glare at the crowd

14 seconds to chug water

9 seconds to spit

1 minute 45 seconds to glare some more

3 seconds to cross the ropes and get in

5 minutes 30 seconds to go to each corner, get onto the turnbuckle, and pose

15 minutes 27 seconds to get a mic and talk about he will be victorious, and to announce his swerve, like how he got whoever's in charge to make this a "falls count anywhere no DQ match"

2 minutes to growl and show how much of a man he is.



Kevin Nash entrance music hits.

Kevin walks forward for 3 seconds

1 second to tear the quad

10 seconds to slowly fall down

4.5 seconds to tear the other quad on his way down



HHH quickly runs over and and beats Nash relentlessly with a sledgehammer then pins him. Why does HHH go apeshit on Nash? Maybe cuz Kevin slept with Steph.

THE END

[Jonster]

Congrats on 10,000
5. Mohammad Hassan.

[Fryza]

Congrats Corky, great to see you still here.

1. Pick two wrestlers to feud and I will create a feud. Specify if you want a serious feud or a silly one- Raven versus Rob Conway. Serious. Have fun.

[Corkscrewed]

Originally Posted by deadlyheaven 1. Pick two wrestlers to feud and I will create a feud. Specify if you want a serious feud or a silly one. I might listen. Raven vs Goldust (silly)

One day, Goldust shows up on TNA telling Raven to chill out. He's always so serious and stuff, and he should loosen up. Raven asks how, and Goldust proceeds to hump Raven's leg. Disgusted, Raven punches Goldust, who cowardly flies through a glass window that happens to be nearby.

The following week, Goldust shows up with a bouquet of flowers, but Raven's like NO BITCH and DDT's him onto a ladder. He then pours primer onto the fallen Goldust and then paints him black.

Apparently, Blackdust gets the message. A few weeks later, during a TNA championship match, Blackdust shows up out of nowhere and attacks Raven, costing him a shot at winning the title.

Raven retaliates later by stealing Blackdust's wig and giving it to Molly Holly, who for some reason still has short hair. Angered that his favorite wig was stolen, Blackdust goes to the aviary and murders all the ravens there. He then shows up on IMPACT and has a giant book burning of all Edgar Allen Poe books right in the middle of the ring!

This isn't wise, though, as the entire ring catches fire. Fortunately, Raven shows up and says he's just had a hardcore lumberjack flaming right surrounded by a hell in a cell barbed wire ironman match approved. Blackdust says "bring it on!" but Raven just smiles and stands there.

The ring burns down with Blackdust in it, and he gets burned alive. Fans pop and start chanting E-C-Dub!! E-C-Dub!! E-C-Dub!! The ref declares Raven the winner of the via inflamination.

[Corkscrewed]

Originally Posted by Jonster Congrats on 10,000 5. Mohammad Hassan.

He crashes a plane into HHH and Stephanie's mansion, killing everyone on the estate, including HHH, Vince, Steph, and Kevin Nash.

[Nark Order]

Originally Posted by Corkscrewed One day, Goldust shows up on TNA telling Raven to chill out. He's always so serious and stuff, and he should loosen up. Raven asks how, and Goldust proceeds to hump Raven's leg. Disgusted, Raven punches Goldust, who cowardly flies through a glass window that happens to be nearby. The following week, Goldust shows up with a bouquet of flowers, but Raven's like NO BITCH and DDT's him onto a ladder. He then pours primer onto the fallen Goldust and then paints him black. Apparently, Blackdust gets the message. A few weeks later, during a TNA championship match, Blackdust shows up out of nowhere and attacks Raven, costing him a shot at winning the title. Raven retaliates later by stealing Blackdust's wig and giving it to Molly Holly, who for some reason still has short hair. Angered that his favorite wig was stolen, Blackdust goes to the aviary and murders all the ravens there. He then shows up on IMPACT and has a giant book burning of all Edgar Allen Poe books right in the middle of the ring! This isn't wise, though, as the entire ring catches fire. Fortunately, Raven shows up and says he's just had a hardcore lumberjack flaming right surrounded by a hell in a cell barbed wire ironman match approved. Blackdust says "bring it on!" but Raven just smiles and stands there. The ring burns down with Blackdust in it, and he gets burned alive. Fans pop and start chanting E-C-Dub!! E-C-Dub!! E-C-Dub!! The ref declares Raven the winner of the via inflamination.

LOL, you are sick... I love it.

[Corkscrewed]

Originally Posted by Fryza Congrats Corky, great to see you still here. 1. Pick two wrestlers to feud and I will create a feud. Specify if you want a serious feud or a silly one- Raven versus Rob Conway. Serious. Have fun.

Unfortunately, I don't know enough about Conway's gimmick in OVW to do this correctly, and to use his gimmick now vs Raven wouldn't really do much. Or rather, I wouldn't be able to do a good job with it. So I'm not listening to you and going silly instead.



One day, while Raven is lamenting his life, Rob comes in and invites him to join the French, who smoke cigars with their babies all day and don't have to work because they are le tired. Feeling a need for change, Raven accepts, but it doesn't change his demeanor, as he simply conducts his promos in French.

Rob gets annoyed and decides to talk to him like a mature adult, but out of instinct, Raven DDT's Rob onto a flag pole. Then, because he happened to be drunk, Raven pisses on the French flag, instantly becoming JR's all time favorite hero.

Humiliated, Rob attacks Raven the following week with a flag pole, but Raven parries easily with a kendo stick. What ensues is a 12 minutes incredible flag pole vs kendo stick fight with Jedi-esque moves galore.

Towards the end, Raven goes for the kill, but Conway ducks, then impales Raven with the flag pole!!!

What no one knew was that Raven is really The Crow, and that people had been confusing him with a Raven all this time. So since he's already dead, he didn't get hurt at all. Instead, RavenCrow pulls the flag pole out and starts beating Conway with it, but not before Rob surrenders. Feeling no compassion, Raven DDT's Rob onto the flag and again and starts to unzip his pants before realizing he's done this before.

A loud GONG sounds off, and fans pop as the Undertaker comes out and shakes hands with RavenCrow. The two become the Undead Tag Team and go on to dominate the wrestling industry, because no one can defeat that which is already dead but came back to life to no-sell any sort of offensive maneuver whatsoever.

Internet fans continue to love Raven because he's everthing they want to be when they die.

[Jonster]

Originally Posted by Corkscrewed He crashes a plane into HHH and Stephanie's mansion, killing everyone on the estate, including HHH, Vince, Steph, and Kevin Nash.

Ooooooooh, tasteful

[El Santo]

Question #1.

Fake Undertaker vs. Fake Diesel.

Silly, of course.

[Marcyo]

Corky, you are THE MAN.

congrats on 10k.

[James Steele]

I just want to say congrats on 10k!!!!

3. Gimme a random C-Wrestling Scenes from a Hat topic and I'll give a response.

James Steele & Corky cut a promo drunk.

[Shadow]

Jeff Hardy vs. HHH (serious)

[Crashnburn]

I choose option #2.

Chris Benoit vs. Taz

[Corkscrewed]

Originally Posted by El Santo Question #1. Fake Undertaker vs. Fake Diesel. Silly, of course.

In a quest to prove that each is not the suckiest jobber ever, Fake Undertaker (hereafter to be referred to as 'FU') and Fake Diesel (FD) engage in a series of "can you top this" episodes to establish their dominance.

FU first tries to create some lightning, but the best he can muster is rain. And the fans start booing when they realize it's just a leak in the ceiling.

Laughing, FD gets into a big rig and tries to run down FU, but a GONG hits, and FD freaks out and jumps out of the truck, which crashes into a hearse. FD's old dead girlfriend pops up, and she and FU share an intimate reunion until she low blows him and joins FD instead. It's revealed that a long time ago, FU burned her alive because he thought it'd be badass.

FU pursues FD and tries to chokeslam him, but FD gives him a big boot, pulling his quad in the process in a powerful stroke of foreshadowing.

FU kidnaps his old gf and tries to crucify her again, but since she's a corpse, she just laughs.

The fire does burn up her remaining flesh tho, so when she stands up as a skeleton, she falls apart due to the lack of tendons and muscles to hold her together.

FU proclaims victory until FD emerges from some random ashes and powerbombs FU, breaking his neck in the process. FD celebrates his big win until his mouth falls off.

He spends the rest of his days looking for his smile, but without an experience smile finder to guide him, he never succeeds.

[Corkscrewed]

Originally Posted by JamesSteele I just want to say congrats on 10k!!!! 3. Gimme a random C-Wrestling Scenes from a Hat topic and I'll give a response. James Steele & Corky cut a promo drunk.

CORK: Okay... okay... I can do this...

STEELE: No your can't.
***HEEL HEET***

CORK: Okay... you COrking to MEEEEEEE?????

STEELE: XWC RUULLLLLEEEEEEEEESSZZZ!!!!

CORK: Okay... you COrking to MEEEEEEE?????

STEELE: XWC RUULLLLLEEEEEEEEESSZZZ!!!!

CORK: Okay... you COrking to MEEEEEEE?????

STEELE: XWC RUULLLLLEEEEEEEEESSZZZ!!!!

CORK: Okay... you COrking to MEEEEEEE?????

STEELE: XWC RUULLLLLEEEEEEEEESSZZZ!!!!

CORK: Your champ is rike... a lllittlee nugget.

STEELE: Shaddup. I could... I could take you. *hic*

CORK: I'm so shexy.

STEELE: I'm der grrreaatessss heeeeel EEVAAAAAAAA!!!!

CORK: Dude.

STEELE: Ima kill Aizee-el

CORK: WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

I can't do it like the Naitch. He der man. He make girly hotszzzz... booobies...

STEELE: heeeheeehhhhh... wonder whenr Form Freenzeeeee gon be up.

CORK: TNA shucks.

STEELE: HEEL HEEEEET!!!!

[Corkscrewed]

Originally Posted by Shadow Jeff Hardy vs. HHH (serious)

See that IC Title Match he had with HHH. HHH badmouthed Hardy, gave him no chance, and Jeff kept coming back during the match. Brilliant story of the huge underdog trying to make it through all odds. Jeff keeps kicking out despite the punishement and the verbal abuse he takes.

But HHH finally puts him away after like a Pedigree off the ladder (that part is my own ending).

[Corkscrewed]

Originally Posted by Crashnburn I choose option #2. Chris Benoit vs. Taz

This would be like thirty five minutes of suplexes. German suplexes, Northern Lights suplexes, T-Bone suplexes, exploder suplexes, vertical suplexes, belly-to-belly suplexes, Tazzplexes, Perfectplexes, superplexes, Dragon suplexes, full nelson suplexes, and snap suplexes. Taz would lock on the Tazmission, but Benoit would somehow reverse it into a Crossface. Taz would refuse to tap, however, and eventually break it by rolling onto Chris. Seeing Taz weak, Benoit would go for a flying headbutt, but miss. Taz takes advantage of this and locks in the Tazmission again. Benoit doesn't tap, but after about three minutes, he passes out, giving Taz the win.

Originally Posted by Corkscrewed 3. Gimme a random Wrestling Scenes from a Hat topic and I'll give a response.

Chris Jericho decides to get his revenge on Triple H by leaving naked pictures of Mae Young in his bag, when suddenly... Vince walks in on him.

[James Steele]

[Corkscrewed]

Originally Posted by NoJabbaNoBogRoll Chris Jericho decides to get his revenge on Triple H by leaving naked pictures of Mae Young in his bag, when suddenly... Vince walks in on him.

VINCE: What the heck is that????

HHH: Um...

Mental Inventory on Possible Excuses:

(A) Naked pics of Mae Young
No.... that's just embarrassing.

(B) Naked pics of Linda
Better than saying I have pics of Mae Young... but Vince might get pissed.

(C) Naked pics of Steph w/o makeup
Better than saying I have pics of Mae Young, and he might buy it, but he'll want a closeup look...

Shit... what do I do?????

HHH: ...hey pops! Heh.... check out some of these Cruiserweights on SmackDOWN! They're mutated freaks! You need to fire them!

VINCE: Huh? UGH!!! Well, I've never even met any of them so I have no idea whether those pics really are of them or not, but I'll take your word that they're that hideous. Who's this one?

HHH: Erm... Jamie Noble.

VINCE: He's fired. Seeya at the barbecue later tonight!

HHH: *WHEW*

[aaronkyle86]

5. Name a wrestler and I'd tell you how he/she would assassinate HHH or Vince McMahon.

Carlito