The Source of JBL's Power, The WWE apoligises, Shawn Michaels leaves the WWE...

[Kane Knight]

...All here on the Ruse Report.

Anyone else miss ketchup packets? They made for interesting barbeques on Easter Sunday. But down to Business.

Reports are coming in that Vince McMahon accidentally caught a few minutes of this week's Raw. Upon awakening from a 22 hour coma, he was quoted as saying "I am so so sorry."

Rumour has it that Eminem has teamed up with MNM to form a faction. This foursome will be known by the obvious title of "Adrian's Revenge."

Congrats are in order to Adam Copeland. It seems his new wife, Shannon Moore, is pregnant.

Shawn Michaels will be leaving television for a while, as a dear friend has recently passed away. Lenny, Shawn's first toupé, died in his sleep on Sunday Night. our sumpathies are with the Michaels family in this dark hour.

Eddie Geurerro is a well-known method actor. Recently, he spent a night in jail after he jumped the border, stole a set of hubcaps, and got a job at Wal-Mart.

The source of JBL's push is revealed: He is Goa'uld. Richard Dean Anderson, star and producer of Stargate SG-1, has been hired to WWE creative. While this may seem like a bad move, it will all be worth it to hear him tell Orlando, "Buckwheat, kree!"

Smackdown's new ratings are not doing so well, but we prefer to think of it less as "poor ratings" and more "a good Velocity taping."

Hardcore Holly strikes again: The nefarious prankster switched King's "Bod" fragrance with pig urine. Old commentary had to be piped in, as JR was unable to stop "having relations" with poor Jerry. Rumour has it he also switched Ross' blood pressure pills with Viagra.

The next WWE: The music is set to be released on November 3rd, though many fan favorites will not be on the disc. Angle's theme will be the "Kazoo" mix as performed by Edge and Christian, Shelton's theme has been altered to say "ain't no pushing me now!" There appears to have been a production error, as Trish's giggling intro starts off Undertaker's theme. Also, expect a bonus track where Triple H sings an a capella version of his theme.

Feuds will now be decided by a game of spin the bottle. Unfortunately, you still have to KISS the guy.