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Old 09-17-2005, 11:46 AM   #1
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Smackdown Captions For September 16th























WWE Put The world Title On Matt Hardy
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Old 09-17-2005, 11:57 AM   #2
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Ref:Oh man I let Christian win a match, Vince is gonna kill me!
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Old 09-17-2005, 12:00 PM   #3
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Christian could'nt believe his eyes when bookers package fell out in the middle of this kick


OJ: Must kill cockroach


Ref: Here is the winner what was your name again captain crisco
Christian: CHARISMA BITCH CAPTAIN CHARISMA


Long: So all i have to do is rinse and repeat and that will take care of it
Batista: Yea works every single time


Batista: I bet you thought i was gonna call you a homo did'nt you
Eddie: Yea holmes but seriously YOU'RE THE HOMO


Heidenreich: It's fun to stay at the YMCA


JBL: Oh damn my balls
Ref: That had to hurt


The next thing to be banned by the network: MID AIR BLOWJOBS


Kennedy: BANZAI


And the 1st annual i want nunzio contest begins
Batista: I want nunzio
Vito: No i want nunzio
Ref: Somebody is gonna break nunzio
Nunzio: Nunzio is breaking help me


Bob: Randy say cheese


Taker: DAD?


Where will you be when your diarrhea comes back


Bob: Hey randy guess what i saved a bunch of money by switching my car insureance to geico...Randy randy can you hear me randy
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Old 09-17-2005, 12:40 PM   #4
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Benoit: AHHH A SPIDER GET IT OFF! HOLD ME CHRISTIAN!
Christian: Can't...breath...
*squish*
Benoit: AHHH! MY SPLEEN!
Christian: Did you get it?
OJ: Um...


Batista and the Network Guy, are trying to figure out where all of Teddy's hair went.


Batista: YOUUUUU! STOLE THE COOKIES FROM THE COOKIE JAR!
Eddie: um...no? heh heh, it wasn't me esse, it was, uh, Triple H?
Vince: EDDIE, YOUR FIRED!


Worst. Inseguri. Ever.


MNM finally conquer their fears from "Tales from the Crypt".


Rey attempted to do a superkick, and botched it.
HBK: Vince! Rey did a superkick!
Lita (botching complaining): Vinnie! Rey stole my finisher!
HBK: No, Lita. He botched MY finisher, but he did your botching.
Lita: oooooh....


Wow, Rey's invisible dick is longer than most thought.


Kennedy....KENNEDY: BELLYFLOP!


Randy: You're welllllcome.


Taker: I'm not dead yet! (rep to whoever gets the movie)


Chimmel: It's time you used some Triple— I um mean Preperation H!
Vince: You're Fired!


Bob: Come on son, let's go!
Randy: No, I wanna see up the pretty lady's skirt
Bob: That's a man son.
Randy: Not its not her name is Shannon!
Bob:
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Old 09-17-2005, 12:54 PM   #5
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Christian : Oh God! What's that smell?
Orlando Jordan : C'mon guys! Pay attention to me, I'm part of this match too!

Referee : Wait, you were part of this match?

The Network Guy : This is the worst time to be getting a hard on, quick Theodore Long, distract Batista.
Theodore Long : ...And if you look over to where I'm pointing at, those are called smarks. They can be your best friend or worst enemy.
Batista : I see...

Batista : You... YOU... are a liar, a cheater, and a stealer!
Eddie Guerrero : Well, yeah. My entrance theme has been saying that for years, dork.

Heidenriech : I just don't understand the concept of jumping jacks! Uhgg...
MNM : If only we knew that earlier.

And for Heidenreich's new random gimmic where all they do is add new face paint but keep his name... the leader of Undertaker's new undead army of skeleton's with flesh.

MNM : Help us Heidenreich! We forgot our leopard fur boots were made to stalk prey not to fly!

Rey Mysterio thinking : If this was against Eddie, he'd be the one getting paid to lay down.

Ref : Holy crap! Rey Mysterio's kick hurt JBL without it even connecting! He must be a ninja!

Rey Mysterio : Catch me JBL! I never told anyone this but I'm afraid of heights.

Ken Kenedy : That's what I look like? It's just Heidenreich with blue attire and a full head of hair!

Batista/Vito : And this is how you fly like Superman.
Ref : Hey guys, do Spiderman next.

Randy Orton marking out like a 13 y/o boy at the sight of Stacy Kiebler.

Undertaker has an out-of-body experience.

Bob Orton : I can't believe I made a mistake! That was supposed to be Eddie Guerrero we're trying to bury.

Not realizing they also made a lifelike replica of Randy Orton, Bob Orton goes to help his son.
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Old 09-17-2005, 04:07 PM   #6
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I can't believe i just watched One Night in Chyna



Blast from the past crossover: Papa Shango Vs. Encino Man
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Old 09-17-2005, 04:20 PM   #7
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OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

My ovaries!!!!
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Old 09-17-2005, 06:20 PM   #8
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Alrighty, haven’t read them yet, sorry if I steal any jokes… please don’t beat me!


In 20.8 seconds Chris Benoit was able to tie Booker T’s and Xtian’s boots together, while it took Orlando Jordan 54.2 weeks to realize he’s nothing more but a bitch midcarder.


Always concerned about proper footwear, here we see Orlando using his local Canadian to buff his shoes.


Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, gets in the way of Booker T and his peanut butter cups!


It’s pretty bad when even the ref overlooks you for the beer vendor.


First the Warrior DVD, now talks about a Jake Roberts DVD… Is Booker T the only one wondering when the Sting DVD is coming out?


Batista: Hold on Teddy, he’s wearing a pink shirt and I’m a homo?


Batista: Now you wanna talk about homos, this guy is a homo!
Eddie: Yeah… Homo… just ask your wife if I’m a homo…


And somewhere in Minneapolis (insert Brock Lesnar joke here)


In bizarro world, Friday Night Smackdown is a gets two thumbs up!


Nitro: Wait… isn’t Papa Shango black?


Now available at Hot Topic, Rite Aid, and other fine realtors, the newest deodorant endorsed by the lord of darkness, Impending Doom, so people can finally smell the scent of Impending Doom.


I bet someone already beat me to the glass-ceiling joke…



And here we see JBL, the newest victim of The Nash Effect.


You can’t possibly make fun of JBL in this picture. You’d be ready to hurl too if you watched a Mexican implode.


Rey: I told you Rob Conway was over with the fans on TPWW.net!
JBL: I know, I know…
Rey: And you recall our bet?
JBL: Let’s just get this over with.
Rey: Make sure to swallow!


What a buddy! Only a true friend would block your eyes from watching “My Side of the Story” by The Warrior.


Too bad the fanboy didn’t realize Halloween wasn’t ‘till next month.


Steven Richards- Xtreme Proctologist!


Maybe this is why the cruiser weight division isn’t doing that great… Vince let’s the all the hosses play with them.


*moments earlier*
Nunizo: So, you lost the bet also?
Batista: Don’t rub it in!
Nunizo: You lost the bet! You lost the bet! Now you gotta gimme head!
Batista: …
Nunzio: Uhhh… Dave… calm down… it’s just a bet… 15 mins and it’ll be… shi…


Poor Dave, he didn’t realize that it was just some footage of JR walking down the street, and he wasn’t playing Katamari Damacy.


Randy: So Taker, you lost the be- GACK!!! CHOKE!!!!
*’k, I’ve run that joke into the ground…. Kennedy!*


Random Crew Guy: Okay, who ordered the coffin shaped cake?
Bob: Weeeee doggie! I’m gonna have me some cakin’ good fun tonite!


In the background you’ll find a grateful fan who thinks Orton is really doing his best to carry The Undertaker through this crapfest.


Taker: Okay, that’s the LAST time I hang out with RVD before the show…


JR: BAHGAWD! POWERBOMB BBQ SAUCE TOOK HIS DAMN HEAD OFF!!!
Tazz: Can I have my chair back?


And yet somehow between four men no one understood the concept of the shocker.


And the great mystery of “who is the homo on SmackDown” comes to an end when The Undertaker takes a curious feel…


…all I’ve got is another oral sex joke… but I really need to expand…


Steven Richard: PWND, BITCH!


And in the end, true to his word, The Undertaker did what he had to do for the bet.




Booker T: I didn’t smell that… Tell me I did not just smell that!
Xtian: Hey, whoever smelt it dealt it!
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Old 09-17-2005, 08:27 PM   #9
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Undertaker: Hey! I'm the Undertaker!

Dead Undertaker: Undertaker 90-95?

Undertaker: My mistake.
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Old 09-17-2005, 09:06 PM   #10
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lol@seeing these while watching smackDOWN!
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Old 09-17-2005, 10:23 PM   #11
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No, Booker T is not a puppet controlled by WWE mangement. Why do you ask?

OR

Booker T: AMERICA! Fuck yeah!



Worst......human pyramid.......ever.

RANDOM NOTE: Doesn't the guy sitting in the entrance way remind you of The Rock?



After Christian finally wins a match, Brian Hebner and Captain Charisma freeze in fear as "It's All About The Game" hits and the arena becomes dark...



*Batista looks down at Palmer Canon's hand, then looks up pissed.*

Batista: He didn't tell me he had a wife...



Batista: Aren't you one of the Baldwin Brothers...

Eddie: Sure holmes...*Eddie takes title and runs*



Joey Mercury: Hey, from the side you sort of look like an "h"...oh no.

*It's all about The Game, and how you play it...*



"Hey...come in here real close and have a look at my arm band..."

Heidenreich: NEVER!



Heidenreich saves his friends from the talent vaccum.



JBL performs his most technical move of his career when he accidentally slips on Rey Mysterio's sweat while scratching for dandruff.



*Rey Mysterio sees JBL and Jimmy Cordares come to the ring together, JBL with ruffled hair, Cordares with a peculiar splodge on his shirt.*

Rey Mysterio: *kicking JBL* You asshole!

Jimmy Cordares: No Rey! It doesn't have to be this way!



Rey: Your eyes... your beautiful eyes...



Ken Kennedy: RANDOM PACMAN!!!!!!! ...............Pacman.......



Hey the WWE has already robbed the WWE of Nunzio's talent and dignity, why not take his clothes?

Batista: I want his boots!

Jimmy Cordares: I want his pants!



Randy Orton: *nodding and smiling* It was a juicy one wasn't it! Hehehehe!

OR

*As the white shirts come for Orton*

Randy: I swear he's injured! I swear it! He can't wrestle! I swear! He can't be in the main event... I SHOULD BE IN THE MAIN EVENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



The Undertaker: Sara? What are you doing here?



"Cowboy" Bob Orton: Awwwwwww....I shot Randy in the face!



*Randy Orton turns and sees the WWE 24/7 sign*

Randy: I don't think I can take that much!

Bob: It's OK son, you don't have to watch.
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Old 09-17-2005, 10:31 PM   #12
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Batista: MARIO!!!!!!!

Nunzio: Dave, I'm not Mario!

*Batista powerbombs Nunzio into a green pipe.*

*Bulum-bulum-bulum*



Booker T: *thinking* I'm the one that wrestled the match, bitch...
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Old 09-17-2005, 11:19 PM   #13
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Bob Orton: Please be careful. In this coffin are all the careers that have been buried by HHH.
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Old 09-17-2005, 11:24 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alienoid06


Batista: MARIO!!!!!!!

Nunzio: Dave, I'm not Mario!

*Batista powerbombs Nunzio into a green pipe.*

*Bulum-bulum-bulum*
LOL I LOVE THAT
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Old 09-17-2005, 11:25 PM   #15
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Christian shows off his talent by twisting Booker T's ankle while whistling the Canadian National Anthem.


Orlando: Too many Canadians! GET EM OFF GET EM OFF GETEMOFF GETEMOFFGETEMOFFGETEMOFF!!!!


Booker T: RANDOM SPEAR!!
Christian: Ow...that hurts me emotionally...


Ref [dazed]: Wow...Captain Charisma...will you...pull...my finger...please...
Chrisian: Man...NOT now...!


Booker: That's not fair, calling my wife a two-bit bottom-feeding trashbag ho!
Sharmell: Wait...he never said that...


Long: You know what, playa? That guy, right there? Yeah, you feelin' me dawg? HE'S the homo, playa! Beleee dat!
Canon: Wow! This is truly a remarkable experience! They overlooked me for a change...


Batista: Yoooouuuu... YYOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!


Long: It's nice to see two grown men express their feelings in a way that... EDDIE! HANDS!!!


Batista: Eyyyyyyy...
Eddie: Eeeyyyyyyy, holmes!


Wow, Papa Shango's really gotten back into shape.


ARM PITS OF DOOOOOOOM!!!!


Heidenreich, in an act of generosity and thoughtfullness, save MNM from the destructive power of the X-Pac Sucking Machine...


Rey: Come to papa!
JBL: Baby!!


Rey: And THIS is for breaking the Titantron...AGAIN!
JBL: It wasn't me!


Rey: Hey, seriously, how do you get this thing off??


NOW we finally know what Kane Knight would look like as a wrestler. Name on the trunks and everything!

... Kennedy...


Batista: No, he's MY wasted talent!!
Vito: Noooo, he's MY wasted talent!!
Batist: MINE!!
Vito: MIIINNNNEE!!!
Ref: Guys, guys, you're gonna break him! I can't let you boys have ANYTHING!


Nunzio: No, really, it's all right! You don't have to show your sympathy for my misuse by giving me the oral pleasure!


Batista: Eyyy—
Eddie [off-screen]: ENOUGH! The promo is OVER!


Undertaker, D.D.S.


Bob: Okay guys, seriously, you've been at it for 20 minutes now. Just give up and we'll just pretend the casket is on the ramp...


Randy Orton: Yep! Thaaaat's right! You TOO can have you very own Undertaker punching bag! Tell him how much it is, Dad!!


Undertaker: Hey!! How come HE gets to sleep, but I have to work this month!


Randy Orton botches a DDT.


Bob: No, son! I'm telling you, you can fit all four fingers!
Randy: I can only fit THREE, Dad! DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!! YOU'RE ALWAYS CRITICIZING ME!!!
Robinson: Listen to your dad, Randy! Like he said, two fingers isn't enough for Lita...


Undertaker: Wow! Your name is on your tights! Did you know that?


Man, this is just one sick threesome. Richards should especially be ashamed of himself...


The fans let us know what exactly happened to Bob Orton's pants just now to cause that reaction...


Bob Orton: Damn Randy Orton dummy! This piece of crap doesn't work! My hand won't even fit in the hole!
Randy: Dad...
Bob: Oh, whoops...
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Old 09-18-2005, 04:43 PM   #16
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Booker T: I gotta leave before Teddy notices I slipped his wife a roofy and took her...where's the nearest exit?



Brian Hebner: I winder if Vince knows I still work here
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Old 09-18-2005, 06:19 PM   #17
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Orton: No, dad, I'm afraid you're wrong!! One plus two is three!!

Bob Orton: Five!!

Charles Robinson: I thought it was two?

Orton:
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