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Old 12-23-2005, 08:57 PM   #1
Kane Knight
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Christmas Eve Rumble, left behind in Afghanistan, and more
In a special Holiday "Ruse Report."

Santa comes a bit early tonight, as Batista battles JBL to determine whether we call it "Christmas" or "The Holidays." Expect special appearances by Mick Foley (Santa Claus), Rey Mysterio (Santa's elf), Kane (The Christmas Creature), and Carlito (The Hannukah Bush).

Tim White is, in fact alive and well. The plans are to retun him to the screen in 3 months--with half a face. He will cost Undertaker the match the week before Wrestlemania, claiming his botched suicide was all the fault of the Deadman. This will begin a feud building up to Summerslam, where Tim White will have mind games played on him every Velocity. This is all part of the Undertaker's plan to stop touring without retiring.

Ric Flair did it again. The night after the "Tribute to the Troops" aired, he got Gene Snitsky drunk and enlisted him in the Army. The WWE was forced to leave without him, though one recruiter was quoted as saying "This donation is proof that the WWE does not support the troops."

Batman has sued Vince McMahon for his allegations that the Dark Knight was behind the Montreal Screwjob. More on this next week, Same Ruse time, Same Ruse Channel.

WWE's Secret Santa Program was ruined this year, by several of the WWE's favored talent. Bob Holly broke Juventud's arm when he drew out Holly's gift, saying he hadn't earned the right to Secret Santa, and would have to pay his dues like the rest of the lockerroom. Matt Hardy was pissed when the Undertaker wouldn't put over his gift, and Nobody would accept Steven Richards' gift, as they couldn't verify he still worked there. Shawn Michaels lost his smile when his gift turned out to be a dradle.

In related news, Randy Orton is evidently barred from Secret Santa next year.

And that's all for this week, folks! Stay tuned for your regular edition of the Ruse Report at the usual time (Whenever I feel like it)

The Ruse Report--9 out of 10 doctors agree the number 1 source in WWE news also fights prostate cancer! www.rusereport.com

(Sorry it's a bit rushed...Wanted to finish before Smackdown! Came on...)

“There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”

--John Rogers
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Old 12-23-2005, 09:07 PM   #2
St. Jimmy
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St. Jimmy got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)St. Jimmy got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)St. Jimmy got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)St. Jimmy got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)St. Jimmy got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)St. Jimmy got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)St. Jimmy got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)St. Jimmy got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)St. Jimmy got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)St. Jimmy got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)St. Jimmy got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)St. Jimmy got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)
=D i want to be like KK when i grow up.
except without the sodomy =/
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Old 12-23-2005, 09:13 PM   #3
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ROFL, Carlito is the Hannukah Bush!
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Old 12-23-2005, 09:55 PM   #4
Kane Knight
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Quote:
Originally Posted by St. Jimmy
=D i want to be like KK when i grow up.
except without the sodomy =/
But it's not the same without the sodomy.
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Old 12-23-2005, 10:10 PM   #5
Shadow
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Shadow got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Shadow got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Shadow got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Shadow got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Shadow got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Shadow got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Shadow got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Shadow got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Shadow got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Shadow got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Shadow got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Shadow got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)
Quote:
Originally Posted by St. Jimmy
=D i want to be like KK when i grow up.
except without the sodomy =/
You'll never be like KK without the sodomy. It's what made KK KK.
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Old 12-23-2005, 10:28 PM   #6
Kane Knight
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shadow
You'll never be like KK without the sodomy. It's what made KK KK.
Uhoh. You said my name three times, we all know what taht means...
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Old 12-23-2005, 10:30 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Kane Knight
In related news, Randy Orton is evidently barred from Secret Santa next year.
You WIN, good DAY, SIR.
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Old 12-24-2005, 04:00 AM   #8
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LOL... Hannukah Bush.
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Old 12-24-2005, 04:51 AM   #9
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Good stuff KK
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Old 12-24-2005, 05:05 AM   #10
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I wish I had half of KK's funny...

As always, awesome stuff! Can I look forward to seeing you do the captions next year?
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Old 12-24-2005, 05:29 PM   #11
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LOL, keep these coming man, they're awesome.
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Old 12-24-2005, 05:30 PM   #12
Kane Knight
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FourFifty
Can I look forward to seeing you do the captions next year?
Count on it.
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