SmackDown Captions (Dec 30, 2005)

**FourFifty** · 12-31-2005, 01:47 AM

**Lock Jaw** · 12-31-2005, 01:54 AM

FEEEEEEEEEEED MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Boogeyman thought Jillian was smoking hot.

Get it? Smoking?

Sharmell botches hiting Bentoit with the crutch..... AND DRIVES IT THROUGH HIS FREAKING HEAD.

**FourFifty** · 12-31-2005, 01:57 AM

In a shocking turn of events the ref turns face after massive shot to the nuts.

Melina is happy that MNM won the tag team titles, but Mark is still waiting for his roast leg of yak.

Batista: Whatdya mean "War of the Worlds" isn't up for any Golden Globes?

"NOOOOOO!!! DON'T SHOW THE KID KASH INTERVIEW AGAIN!!!!! GET THE MIC AWAY FROM HIM!!!!!!"

Okay, who let them above the glass?

Vince: You know... The homosexuals are a huge market out there... Aside from The Dicks who do we have... Rey and Batista? Perfect!

Do I REALLY need to point out the Stevie Richards joke here! mean, come on! It's soooo there!
He's laughing at Batista's "kick me" sign!
Wait...

That's NOT what you were thinking?

Shame on you...

Raise your hands if you slept with half the SmackDown roster!

And somewhere in New York...
Carson: I always thought black was a very slimming color...

Mark: WHERE'S THE CREME FILLING!?!?!??!!

Another victim of watching Kid Kash's interview....

Melina: Everytime you jerk off, God kills a kitten... Please, think of the kittens.

You're a homo!

Melina: I'll admit it, years ago I had sexual relations with a man who was once on RAW... I'm not proud of myself, but at least I'll admit what I did.
Dude in suit: BAHGAWD GROUPIE!!!

Albeit he has gained a little bit of weight, Clark Kent really knows when to turn his X-Ray vison on.

JR: BAHGAWD STEVEN RICHARDS WITH A POWERBOMB!!!
Tazz: Wait, aren't you out of a job?
Cole: Yeah, since Steve Austin didn't wrestle at Taboo Tuesday?
JR: HELLFIRE AND BRIMSTONE, KANE CAN TALK!!!
Tazz: Oh yeah, script aproval...
FourFifty: READ THE GODDAMN BOOK!

Boogeyman:Hey JBL, I want you to spill your guts. Tell us everything.
JBL: Everything?
Boogyeman: EVERYTHING!
JBL:Everything. Okay, I'll talk. In third grade I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade I stole my Uncle Max's toupe and I glued it on my face when I played Moses in my Hebrew school play. In fifth grade I knocked my sister Edith down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog...

Looks like Nurse Gollum got the fetus taken off, but it left a nasty scar.

Failed "Wazzzup" audtion, # 4387

Well if you just watched Kid Kash's promo for the 4th time your face would burst into flame also.

JBL: Then my mom sent me to...to a summer camp for fat kids. And that was third lunch I got nuts and I pigged out, and they kicked me out.

Random WWE Writer: You what what I liked? Futurama! Man, we need someone like Zoidberg on Smackdown... Whatdya think?
RVD: Dude, as long as you keep up with the kronic, it's a good diea.

It's one thing for the X-Pac sucking power to suck people off the screen, but when The Shockmaster black hole opens up, RUN!

Orton: You know what the best part about weed is? Everything tatse soooo good...
Benoit: That doesn't explain why you just bit my hand!
Orton: Yes it does.

Tazz cried himself to sleep that night after calling this "The greatest suplex I've ever seen!"

If it wasn't for the aid of Orton's chin lock we would have seen the birth of "C-Dawg, Kandain Rapmaster"

Booker: Man, am I glad to have my wife out here with me!
Sharmell: I'm so happy to be with my man!
Juvi: ...shut the hell up.
Juvi's girlfriend: Kay?

Kash: You, good sir, are a homosexual who has sex with other men!
Funaki: I speak betta engliss than dis guy! Why did I evea let dis guy on my mic?

Luke from the Bushwhakers, after a vist from guys from Queer Eye

Okay, the scene is Rey VS Batista in a match. Bobby, you�re Rey.
*and this he carried him through the match*

Kash: My name is Kid Kash, and I was a great ECW Wrestler!
*backstage*
Vince: ECW wrestler, eh... It's a good thing only the smarks care about the cw title.

Cole: Wow! That man looks like he knows how to beat a good cock!
Tazz: Cole, they're the Dicks, not cocks.
Cole: I know.

Super Crazy is happy that Psicosis gave him a new bike for Christmas, but on second though Crazy is sure he has seen the bike elsewhere.

Now it doesn't get any gayer than this, until they break out the anal lube and talk about what it's like to get ahead in the industry, but Vince already did that backstage.

JBL: But the worst thing I ever done, I mixed up all this fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theatre, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony, and then, then I made a noise like this. "Huagh. Huagh. Huagh. Huaaah!" And, and then I dumped it over the side on all the people in the audience. Then, th-then then this was horrible, all the people started getting sick, and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.

**What Would Kevin Do?** · 12-31-2005, 02:43 AM

Batista, Nitro, and Mercury stumbled awkwardly through their first 3-way.

Meanwhile, Rey tried to prove his mouth was in fact big enough as he hoped to lure Dave back.

Batista never was a big fan of spooning though.

Trying to solve the problem of bad storylines, the writers combined a few of their favorites. Melina promised to sleep with Mark Henry after he eliminated Batista. Melina later became pregnant, but due to a freak accident, that wasn't Snitsky's fault, she aborted her hand. Snitsky, feeling sad, became her slave. Unfortunately, Melina was later in a car accident with an intoxicated Kane, and her corpse was deflied by HHH.

Backstage, after the show, Melina found out just what the writers had in store for her.

Desperate, Melina tries to prove to Vince that her mouth is big enough...

Knowing no one actually watched this crap, Don Corelone thought Smackdown would be the best place to buy help from the Marines.

She tried to get the mole removed... Unfortunately, this mixed up the charts and gave her 10 CCs of Botox instead.

Benoit: You needn't take it any further, sir. You've proved to me that all this ultraviolence and killing is wrong, wrong, and terribly wrong. I've learned me lesson, sir. I've seen now what I've never seen before. I'm cured! Praise God!

Srg. Slaughter 2000 really pushed the idea of "Don't ask, don't tell."

The WWE drug testing policy is obviously in full effect.

**FourFifty** · 12-31-2005, 02:47 AM

...I just read mine, and damn, I'll admit it this: I had a LOT of filler... But I hope it makes the running joke work better... reps for the movie refrence.

**Drakul** · 12-31-2005, 02:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FourFifty

whats this about?

**Nark Order** · 12-31-2005, 03:00 AM

After looking at his fist, Rey comes to the realization that he needs to start spreading his steroid injections around a bit more.

**darkpower** · 12-31-2005, 03:04 AM

I'm sorry if they aren't that good this week. I struggle sometimes to come up with good ones for the SmackDown captions, but I'm still trying.

It's funny what sleeping with a fat piece of shit will get you.

HOT ANIMAL LOVING ACTION!!!

Rey gets caught by the possession of Triple H, which is making his mouth opened and ready to have "IT" stuck in.

REY: Don't worry, Batista. AJ Styles will need to jump to the WWE soon enough. Just wait until then to kick his ass.

Little did the audience know that Batista wasn't staring at Melina's ass, but he had a bigger foot fetish than Snisky, and wanted some of those toes...yeah, that's it...

All this and they are STILL gay.

HENRY: Now for my finishing manuver. I shall sit on you for 20 minutes and reminience to you about my sexual fantasies with Mae Young that I had while I was out for a year.

Mark Henry botches having another injury.

"It is true. I'm an ugly broad that's only wearing makeup!"

"Please tell me I didn't sign my contract for THIS!!"

"Shawn, you know YOU'RE the only lesbian here, not Hulk Hogan!"

Yes, JBL has found out what happens when you make the Blue Meanie angry.

"I'm the BOOGYMAN, and I'm comin', to BORE YA!!!"

And they're low on carbs, too.

Orton tries to break Benoit's fall as he is flown after being punched by Triple H's giant fist, getting him back for having to job to him three different times.

I knew that new wrestling bit would be tough for Wayne Brady, but DAMN!!

KID KASH: Funaki, I'll have you know that I had to assume the position to actually have talent to be on the WWE roster. They don't let just ANYONE in. How do you think I'm a Cruiserweight that is actually on SMACKDOWN!?

It seemed that New Years started early, though the booze wore off on Mr. Crazy faster. It was still beating the Dick.

THEME SONG PLAYING: "I am a real faggot! Wait till you see the big package that I got! I am a real faggot! Fight for my dick! FIGHT FOR MY DICK!!"

**Skippord** · 12-31-2005, 03:13 AM

Rey:Thats Right I am sueing one David Batista for Sexual Harrassment

**James Steele** · 12-31-2005, 04:02 AM

I seriously think Rey needs help coping with Eddie's passing.

**Skippord** · 12-31-2005, 04:31 AM

Batista has been helping him

**Destor** · 12-31-2005, 04:47 AM

Nitro's powerful orgasm shook the ring.

**Skippord** · 12-31-2005, 05:06 AM

and shot Batista over the top rope

JH · 12-31-2005, 10:05 AM

Raise your hand if you've slept with Mae Young

I'm the Boogeyman and i'm comin to getcha
Rey: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Rey: It's ok Dave even if you dont have the Tag Title i still love you

Batista: Melina please let me try on your skirt it's so pretty

Raise your hand if your push is undeserved

Melina: Is it just me or is there a guy standing behind that looks like Jim Cornette & Jim Ross had a love child

Jilian just loves Steven Richards

Benoit: DAMN YOU RHINO

Walk Like An Egyptian Revisited

Triple H appreciation day

Mr.Dick wants to hear his favorite song AC/DC'S Big Balls

**Xero** · 12-31-2005, 11:16 AM

Rey: QUACK QUACK!
*BANG*
JBL: Fucking Mexican geese.

Kash: Homo.

Kash: Not a homo.

Kash: Homo.

Kash: Not a homo.

Kash: Homo.

Kash: Not a homo. Get it?

I am a gay American! Fight for the right to marry men!

Cole: OH MY GOD! WHAT A WAY TO END THE YEAR! THE PREDATOR HAS DEBUTED!

12-31-2005, 01:54 AM	#2
Lock Jaw Skibbidy Lock Jaw Posts: 88,601	FEEEEEEEEEEED MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Boogeyman thought Jillian was smoking hot. Get it? Smoking? Sharmell botches hiting Bentoit with the crutch..... AND DRIVES IT THROUGH HIS FREAKING HEAD.

12-31-2005, 01:57 AM	#3
FourFifty As over as Crystal Pepsi Posts: 21,639	In a shocking turn of events the ref turns face after massive shot to the nuts. Melina is happy that MNM won the tag team titles, but Mark is still waiting for his roast leg of yak. Batista: Whatdya mean "War of the Worlds" isn't up for any Golden Globes? "NOOOOOO!!! DON'T SHOW THE KID KASH INTERVIEW AGAIN!!!!! GET THE MIC AWAY FROM HIM!!!!!!" Okay, who let them above the glass? Vince: You know... The homosexuals are a huge market out there... Aside from The Dicks who do we have... Rey and Batista? Perfect! Do I REALLY need to point out the Stevie Richards joke here! mean, come on! It's soooo there! He's laughing at Batista's "kick me" sign! Wait... That's NOT what you were thinking? Shame on you... Raise your hands if you slept with half the SmackDown roster! And somewhere in New York... Carson: I always thought black was a very slimming color... Mark: WHERE'S THE CREME FILLING!?!?!??!! Another victim of watching Kid Kash's interview.... Melina: Everytime you jerk off, God kills a kitten... Please, think of the kittens. You're a homo! Melina: I'll admit it, years ago I had sexual relations with a man who was once on RAW... I'm not proud of myself, but at least I'll admit what I did. Dude in suit: BAHGAWD GROUPIE!!! Albeit he has gained a little bit of weight, Clark Kent really knows when to turn his X-Ray vison on. JR: BAHGAWD STEVEN RICHARDS WITH A POWERBOMB!!! Tazz: Wait, aren't you out of a job? Cole: Yeah, since Steve Austin didn't wrestle at Taboo Tuesday? JR: HELLFIRE AND BRIMSTONE, KANE CAN TALK!!! Tazz: Oh yeah, script aproval... FourFifty: READ THE GODDAMN BOOK! Boogeyman:Hey JBL, I want you to spill your guts. Tell us everything. JBL: Everything? Boogyeman: EVERYTHING! JBL:Everything. Okay, I'll talk. In third grade I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade I stole my Uncle Max's toupe and I glued it on my face when I played Moses in my Hebrew school play. In fifth grade I knocked my sister Edith down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... Looks like Nurse Gollum got the fetus taken off, but it left a nasty scar. Failed "Wazzzup" audtion, # 4387 Well if you just watched Kid Kash's promo for the 4th time your face would burst into flame also. JBL: Then my mom sent me to...to a summer camp for fat kids. And that was third lunch I got nuts and I pigged out, and they kicked me out. Random WWE Writer: You what what I liked? Futurama! Man, we need someone like Zoidberg on Smackdown... Whatdya think? RVD: Dude, as long as you keep up with the kronic, it's a good diea. It's one thing for the X-Pac sucking power to suck people off the screen, but when The Shockmaster black hole opens up, RUN! Orton: You know what the best part about weed is? Everything tatse soooo good... Benoit: That doesn't explain why you just bit my hand! Orton: Yes it does. Tazz cried himself to sleep that night after calling this "The greatest suplex I've ever seen!" If it wasn't for the aid of Orton's chin lock we would have seen the birth of "C-Dawg, Kandain Rapmaster" Booker: Man, am I glad to have my wife out here with me! Sharmell: I'm so happy to be with my man! Juvi: ...shut the hell up. Juvi's girlfriend: Kay? Kash: You, good sir, are a homosexual who has sex with other men! Funaki: I speak betta engliss than dis guy! Why did I evea let dis guy on my mic? Luke from the Bushwhakers, after a vist from guys from Queer Eye Okay, the scene is Rey VS Batista in a match. Bobby, you�re Rey. and this he carried him through the match Kash: My name is Kid Kash, and I was a great ECW Wrestler! backstage Vince: ECW wrestler, eh... It's a good thing only the smarks care about the cw title. Cole: Wow! That man looks like he knows how to beat a good cock! Tazz: Cole, they're the Dicks, not cocks. Cole: I know. Super Crazy is happy that Psicosis gave him a new bike for Christmas, but on second though Crazy is sure he has seen the bike elsewhere. Now it doesn't get any gayer than this, until they break out the anal lube and talk about what it's like to get ahead in the industry, but Vince already did that backstage. JBL: But the worst thing I ever done, I mixed up all this fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theatre, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony, and then, then I made a noise like this. "Huagh. Huagh. Huagh. Huaaah!" And, and then I dumped it over the side on all the people in the audience. Then, th-then then this was horrible, all the people started getting sick, and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.

12-31-2005, 02:43 AM	#4
What Would Kevin Do? Ninja Mod, Esquire Posts: 12,676	Batista, Nitro, and Mercury stumbled awkwardly through their first 3-way. Meanwhile, Rey tried to prove his mouth was in fact big enough as he hoped to lure Dave back. Batista never was a big fan of spooning though. Trying to solve the problem of bad storylines, the writers combined a few of their favorites. Melina promised to sleep with Mark Henry after he eliminated Batista. Melina later became pregnant, but due to a freak accident, that wasn't Snitsky's fault, she aborted her hand. Snitsky, feeling sad, became her slave. Unfortunately, Melina was later in a car accident with an intoxicated Kane, and her corpse was deflied by HHH. Backstage, after the show, Melina found out just what the writers had in store for her. Desperate, Melina tries to prove to Vince that her mouth is big enough... Knowing no one actually watched this crap, Don Corelone thought Smackdown would be the best place to buy help from the Marines. She tried to get the mole removed... Unfortunately, this mixed up the charts and gave her 10 CCs of Botox instead. Benoit: You needn't take it any further, sir. You've proved to me that all this ultraviolence and killing is wrong, wrong, and terribly wrong. I've learned me lesson, sir. I've seen now what I've never seen before. I'm cured! Praise God! Srg. Slaughter 2000 really pushed the idea of "Don't ask, don't tell." The WWE drug testing policy is obviously in full effect.

12-31-2005, 02:47 AM	#5
FourFifty As over as Crystal Pepsi Posts: 21,639	...I just read mine, and damn, I'll admit it this: I had a LOT of filler... But I hope it makes the running joke work better... reps for the movie refrence.

12-31-2005, 03:00 AM	#7
Nark Order Soundly Defeated Wadding Posts: 40,590	After looking at his fist, Rey comes to the realization that he needs to start spreading his steroid injections around a bit more.

12-31-2005, 03:04 AM	#8
darkpower Why So Curious? Posts: 3,408	I'm sorry if they aren't that good this week. I struggle sometimes to come up with good ones for the SmackDown captions, but I'm still trying. It's funny what sleeping with a fat piece of shit will get you. HOT ANIMAL LOVING ACTION!!! Rey gets caught by the possession of Triple H, which is making his mouth opened and ready to have "IT" stuck in. REY: Don't worry, Batista. AJ Styles will need to jump to the WWE soon enough. Just wait until then to kick his ass. Little did the audience know that Batista wasn't staring at Melina's ass, but he had a bigger foot fetish than Snisky, and wanted some of those toes...yeah, that's it... All this and they are STILL gay. HENRY: Now for my finishing manuver. I shall sit on you for 20 minutes and reminience to you about my sexual fantasies with Mae Young that I had while I was out for a year. Mark Henry botches having another injury. "It is true. I'm an ugly broad that's only wearing makeup!" "Please tell me I didn't sign my contract for THIS!!" "Shawn, you know YOU'RE the only lesbian here, not Hulk Hogan!" Yes, JBL has found out what happens when you make the Blue Meanie angry. "I'm the BOOGYMAN, and I'm comin', to BORE YA!!!" And they're low on carbs, too. Orton tries to break Benoit's fall as he is flown after being punched by Triple H's giant fist, getting him back for having to job to him three different times. I knew that new wrestling bit would be tough for Wayne Brady, but DAMN!! KID KASH: Funaki, I'll have you know that I had to assume the position to actually have talent to be on the WWE roster. They don't let just ANYONE in. How do you think I'm a Cruiserweight that is actually on SMACKDOWN!? It seemed that New Years started early, though the booze wore off on Mr. Crazy faster. It was still beating the Dick. THEME SONG PLAYING: "I am a real faggot! Wait till you see the big package that I got! I am a real faggot! Fight for my dick! FIGHT FOR MY DICK!!"

12-31-2005, 03:13 AM	#9
Skippord I'm Mr. White Christmas Posts: 44,526	Rey:Thats Right I am sueing one David Batista for Sexual Harrassment

12-31-2005, 04:02 AM	#10
James Steele TPWW's HHH Mark Since '04 Posts: 29,886	I seriously think Rey needs help coping with Eddie's passing.

12-31-2005, 04:31 AM	#11
Skippord I'm Mr. White Christmas Posts: 44,526	Batista has been helping him

12-31-2005, 04:47 AM	#12
Destor I am the cheese Posts: 51,428	Nitro's powerful orgasm shook the ring.

12-31-2005, 05:06 AM	#13
Skippord I'm Mr. White Christmas Posts: 44,526	and shot Batista over the top rope

12-31-2005, 10:05 AM	#14
JH A Proud MF'R Posts: 1,429	Raise your hand if you've slept with Mae Young I'm the Boogeyman and i'm comin to getcha Rey: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Rey: It's ok Dave even if you dont have the Tag Title i still love you Batista: Melina please let me try on your skirt it's so pretty Raise your hand if your push is undeserved Melina: Is it just me or is there a guy standing behind that looks like Jim Cornette & Jim Ross had a love child Jilian just loves Steven Richards Benoit: DAMN YOU RHINO Walk Like An Egyptian Revisited Triple H appreciation day Mr.Dick wants to hear his favorite song AC/DC'S Big Balls

12-31-2005, 11:16 AM	#15
Xero He's Here Posts: 60,735	Rey: QUACK QUACK! BANG JBL: Fucking Mexican geese. Kash: Homo. Kash: Not a homo. Kash: Homo. Kash: Not a homo. Kash: Homo. Kash: Not a homo. Get it? I am a gay American! Fight for the right to marry men! Cole: OH MY GOD! WHAT A WAY TO END THE YEAR! THE PREDATOR HAS DEBUTED!