The Best Captions of 2006

[loopydate]

After every show, I'll update this thread with what I think are the best captions of the week.

At the end of each month there will be a poll to determine the best caption of that month. At the end of the year, the monthly winners will go head-to-head in a final poll to determine the best caption of 2006.

If you want to suggest a caption to be included in here, either mention it in the show thread or send me a PM.

Top Captions of 2006

January (Savior)


These guys are big fans of Cock.


Month-By-Month Links
January
February
March
April
May
June
July
August
September
October
November
December

[Corkscrewed]

I suggest you use the next post to start, then use this first post as an index with direct links to each month, that way we have an easier time finding stuff.

I'll delete this post if you want to go ahead and do that...

[Xero]

Is this going to be stuck?

[loopydate]

JANUARY

RAW [1-2-2006]

Impeccable:



Vince: What the hell? Did that thing just wink at me?

Xero Limit 126:


Donkey Kong finally gets wise and steals Mario's mallet.



Chloe (thinking): Who's leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here!?


WWE Presents Romeo and Juliet.

legend:



Show: This is what happens when you masterbate too much

Innovator:


Kane: And now to find out who really did screw Bret Hart!

*rips off head*

Kane: I knew it! Blood Hose did it!

Savior:


Lawler: Look a quarter!

Kane Knight:



See, this is why you should always start with the basics. It was nice of John Cena to teach retarded kids to wrestle, but he should have known not to start with the superkick.



"Not the mama!"



"Raw hasn't been the same since JR left. I mean, look at this! nobody can fill this ass indent."



Hunter was mesmerised by "Sock-Puppet Dinner Theater."



"...And she was clawing at the walls like this, screaming 'ride me, Hunter!' And you can expect a new installment every week until I am once agian champion."



This would be a greater contorversy than Montreal. It turns out that Vince replaced Shawn's "hair spray" with whipped cream.



Victoria: Maria...
Maria: Yes?
Victoria: Is that roll of quarters in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?
Maria: ...I'm happy to see you.
Victoria: ...



"Oh my God...Is that?"

"It feels like...Cottage Cheese!"



I don't know which part was funnier. The fact that Lita botched intercourse, or that Flair didn't seem to notice the difference.



Mama: Once you go black, you'll never go back...
Shelton: Is that why Haas has resigned?
Mama: ...



Furthering the racist direction of the Shelton Benjamin character, Shelton called upon Voodoo spirits to shrink Chris' head.



Helms' attempt to call the King a homo took a surprising turn, as King slowly took the finger into his mouth, slowly sucking...

Corkscrewed:



What Daivari didn't know was that Cena could call upon the attack ticks that lived on his right shoulder to swarm his opponents at will.



You know WWE programming is bad when even the superstars are trying to destroy the TV.



You know the WWE's new drug policy ain't working when even Mr. Socko shows up to work seriously over-roided.



VINCE: "Is it... talking???"



LITA: Oh no! I left the oven on!!!



Mickie James' new role as FCC Censor was not so hotly received.



WWE Films presents: Alfred Hitchkcock's LEZBO PSYCHO!!!



MAMA: "Hold on, you got some lettuce stuck in your teeth."
SHELTON: "MOM!!!"



The WWE reached new lows when they re-enacted the Rodney King beating.

just john:



The year is 1942 and still no-one gives a crap about rap.

FourFifty:



Daviri: I’m kicking him because he’s American!
Carlito: I’m kicking him because he’s not cool!
Masters: I’m kicking him because he’s a no talent hack!
Angle: And that’s why I’m about to kick you.


It’s one thing for someone to post a “kick me” sign on your back, but another thing for someone to post a Prussian guy screaming “KICK ME” on your back.


To kick off the new year, the new Raw announce team
From left to right- Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles, Jonathan Coachman, Stevie Richards, and Phil.



That was mah sammichin’ hand… SAMMICHIN’ HAND!!!!!!”



HBK: ‘scuse me, sir, do you know where my smile went?
Vince: That-a-way!



Vince: I’d hit it… I might even PAY for it!



*And now, a glimpse into their minds…*
Candice: …*chirp chirp, chirp chirp*
Torrie: At the tone, please leave a message. BEEEEEP…….
Chole: Oh god, you take ONE dump in Vince’s shoe, and this is what you get? I’ve said I’m sorry, I sent him a fruit basket, and I’m STILL stuck here… could be worse, I guess… He could have made me a cruiserweight on SmackDown.



Empowered by the soul of Big Vis, Edge has a sudden and strange urge to eat the microphone.


Mama: Mama didn’t raise no homo!
Shelton: Then stop calling me a homo!
Mama: Stop watchin’ dat “queer eye” show!



Vince HAD to raise the bar when it came to toilet humor by saying he had to go “number three”

Lock Jaw:



...Rosebud.....



Cena: Retard attack! Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrr.
Daivari: Get away!



MY HAND IS A CHEF AND IT MAKES MY FOOD!!



Show thought HHH was holding an animal cage and tried to smash it open so that he may feast on the creature inside.



Vince tried to distract Shawn as he sprouted another limb.



Vince: What's I gots in my pocketses?

[loopydate]

FEBRUARY

SmackDown! [2-3-2006]

Xero Limit 126:


*Queue Benny Hill music*


Rey: You can hardly see your trunks with that shirt on...


Randy: What trunks?
Rey: AWW GOD!

loopydate:



Nobody's quite sure why Randy chose that moment to tell Nick that he'd been boning his wife.



Here we see why Mark Henry should never try to wrestle after eating Mexican.



REF: Stick and move, Little Blac! Stick and move!

JBL: Ha ha! Maybe you should throw in the towel!



Well, guess they went with the whole Melina's-a-dude angle after all.



With Melina's ankle injury providing the necessary distraction, the fan in gray knew this was his only opportunity to take home his very own ring post.



Rey knew he was supposed to be paying attention to Randy's promo, but... that butterfly was so pretty!

RoadWarriorsLOD:


For some unknown reason Steven Richards tries to pull Benoits pants off

Lock Jaw:


Daivari: Tee hee! You can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man!


Booker T has evolved past the technique of lesser animals. He marks his territory with Fit Finlays.

darkpower:


DAMN, I didn't know belts could cause orgasms until tonight.


REF: Hey, it's not MY fault Michael Cole called you a fuckhead on that radio show.

darkangel131:


JBL was in shock as Charles Robinson became possessed by Kane.

Disturbed316:



JBL starts the Chicken Dance dance off.

Vastardikai:



Randy: If you don't tap out, referee, I will skull fuck Rey to death!



The thought of a Mark Henry World Title Run caused people to run to the toilet to vomit...



Booker T revealed himself to be a Centaur in a shocking turn of events.



Finlay: 3,876... 3,877... 3,878

Benoit: Stop counting my hairs, dude. I can't breathe!

Finlay: Dammit, Pipe down Benwar, I lawst me count... 1... 2... 3...

Benoit: *Dies*



After this tragedy, the new No "Throw Jobber Here" Sign rule was enacted



Milena: The Spider is over there! Kill it, kill it!

Ref: As soon as I karate chop this snake for you, ok?



Sean: Do you know what Randy Orton and George W. Bush have in common? They both went AWOL, they both got to where they are today because of their dad, and both have a following of people who think they know more than they really do.

Rey: That's a good one, Sean.

Randy: I'm like George W. Bush? I'm not president, I don't get it.

Mr. Monday Morning:



Nick Patrick decided to test the theory that if you cover up Randy Orton's tattoos, he dies.



Kurt was pissed. NOBODY attempted to eat his gold medal and got away with it.



Orton's attempt to kill the legend of gravity had disastrous consequences

Kane Knight:



Orton thought he had rid himself of the Rangers for good, but Zordon was back...And he was PISSED.




"For a good time call...?"




While Rey gasps for air, the ref tries to lift his spirit with his "Rubber Hitler" impression.




Charmelle: Hold still Chris, you've got a fighting irish bastard on your shoulder...




Kane goes pimp.




"Guys, shower more."



Melina showed off her prowess, by pointing out the homo right in the middle of some HGA.

RAW [2-6-2006]

Gohan3k:


Masters: coochy coochy coo!

Lock Jaw:


Edge: What the hell did that place to do you Eugene?


Lita: You're a heterosexual!
Edge: *barfs due to the immenseness of the botch*


Backstreet's Back... alright!


Big Brother puts in a rare appearance.

Cool King:



Mickie: Hi, I'm Mickie James, I play an obsessed fan.

Trish: Hi, I'm Trish Stratus and I'm the Women's Champion.

Guy: And I'm just some guy they hired!



Carlito shows his loyalty to Snap, Crackle and Pop by taking out the competition for them.

RoadWarriorsLOD:


Lita: Hey Maria i've got a question for you since nobody can hear me....What does it mean when your uh souther region starts to turn green
Maria: Uh you've got a mic in your hand everybody just heard you


Hunter turns around
Hunter: Holy shit... oh nevermind it's just whoa there for a minute i thought Steph had came out without makeup on

FourFifty:


Another fan's reaction to the idea of The Undertaker VS Mark Henry...


And before every match Triple H gets a good luck kiss from Steven Richards.


With Ric's new found comfort in the Jewish faith, he dives to pick up a penny. It doesn't matter who's in his way


Vince: Ladies and gentelmen, due to the main event being Cena and Maria VS Lita and Edge, I just lit the arena on fire. Please find the nearest exit and leave before the main event.


RVD: Dude! You can't leave in the middle of our match!
Carltio: But I must, for there are many things out there dat aren't cool. I must use my super powers to spread the cool around the world. Carltio, AWAY!!!!
RVD: ...I am so not going to pass the next drug test...

[loopydate]

RAW [1-2-2006] (Continued)

Cool King:



The robot dancing competition got off to a good start with Daivari taking and early lead.



The Playboy Mansion welcomes you to....FUN!



King: See, you turn his ear and his arm goes up. How cool is that!?

Skippord:



King: oh Mortie Ya got some schmutz on ya cheek


JamesSteele:



Jerry Lawler was considering cutting the WWE's losses when Coach's shitty announcing forced the announce table to commit suicide.



Big Show's new "Mr. Chef-o" finisher wasn't all that impressive.



Big Show was convinced his new 95% Man/5% Mummy gimmick would go over huge.



WWE's Hardcore Breakdance Orgy DVD was a huge success.



Lita and Edge slowly walked away from what became known as the "Volcanogasm Incident"

Impact!:



Daivari recoils in horror as Cena tries to eat his own shoulder



HHH: I'm sorry show, nobody told me this was your lunchbox.

loopydate:



SHOW: Okay, who's the genius who papier-mached my hand while I was asleep?



KANE: Do you want some pie, Mister Michaels?

KANE [moving HBK's jaw]: Why, yes I would, Kane.



MARIA: Wow! I'm, like, up to my elbow in here!



Ric Flair, the only worker I can think of who can beat up a woman while checking Stevie Richards for a hernia.



TRISH: No, Mickie, I don't "wanna get high." And that impression is getting really annoying.

parkmania:



Cena prepares to shove the invisible javelin down Daivari's throat.



King: Oh, so THAT'S what the chair was doing there. Oops!



Show: BRING ME A SHRUBBERY!

Blitz:



It was Shawn's own damn fault. He knew Kane was trying out for the Rockettes, and he still wouldn't get out of the way

Vastardikai:



One Second Earlier, a Huge "Biff" Covered the Screen. And yes, the Batman theme is playing.



Angriest. Sixties Beach Dance Contest. Ever.



The Gregory Helms Slot-Machine didn't sell very well.

SmackDown! [1-6-2006]

Blitz:




Oh sure, they may just look like a generic tag team, but The Gymini had a secret weapon: their unparalled mastery of the Force.



Reporters-Batista, what do you have to say about these allegations?

Dave-They're totally false. I never touched that kid. DVON was the priest. I was just a Deacon.

Corkscrewed:



Eventually, all that hot air around JBL coalesced into a heated dense object with its own gravitational pull. With such density, it was inevitable the universe would start collapsing around Bradshaw.


Matt Hardy's method of getting rid of the B-roll footage from John Cena's marine movie was unorthodox, to say the least.


The debut of Dr. Zoidberg was met with moderate success.


What followed immediately after Mark Henry sat down backstage was joltingly catastrophic.


JUVI: "What the?! Snare trap???"
BOBBY LASHLEY: (backstage) "Heh heh heh... that's what you get for calling me Buckwheat Lashley! Dinner's gonna be Mexican to-niiiiiiiiight!!!"


MELINA: "And that's why I called up the African Predator to help protect me against big buff bodybuilders who could possibly be action film stars..."

RoadWarriorsLOD:


Shane Twin On The Left: You know we used to be human dicks and now we look like Goldberg...god i hope they dont call us DickBerg

Kane Knight:



Driver: I've had enough. How can I get anywhere if you keep sticking your hand in the way?



"Honey, look at all the tension you have up here. This is gonna take a lot of work."



Benoit, master of the "Cripller Crossface" Is now required by the WWE to bring crutches, a first aid kit, a neckbrace, and a clumsy negro with him at all times.



Note: We apologise for the black and white image. The guy doing the editing is a little slow. We told him to switch from color at the sight of blood, and have since explained to him that Benoit wasn't really cutting his throat. Thank you for your patience, WWE Management.



"Down, towards, Down-Towards, B...Can we start over? I fucked up."



"It was bad enough you farted, Ken, but do you really have to gloat?"



Offscreen, the ref consults the rulebook: Is telekinesis a foreign object?



In a Mysterio Heel Turn, Rey proceeds to kick the ass of a man with no legs.



In a cruel joke, Ric Flair told Mark that there was a sandwich in the cage.

Chuck Jones:



We are experiencing a rest hold. Please Stand By.
UPN

Savior:


Melina: I regret to inform all that I am in debt

Mark: You should have diversified your bonds nigga.

parkmania:


Orton: I heard you were doing ads for Beano, but at least you could've spelled it right on your tights.

loopydate:



JBL: The best part was when he said "No, wait, I'm not a deer! DON'T SHOOOOOOOOOT!"

JILLIAN: Heh. Stupid deer. Like you'd fall for that.



BOOGEYMAN: I made it through the wilderness. Somehow I made it throoooough... I'M THE BOOGEYMAN! AND I'VE RUN OUT OF NURSERY RHYMES!



That was the moment that Kash learned he had the translation wrong. "Juventud" didn't mean "Mexican salamander." It meant "He who controls the Glass Wall."

[loopydate]

New Year's Revolution [1-8-2006]

Corkscrewed:


VIS: Um... you coming down anytime soon?
SHELTON: I dunno... somehow I got stuck IN the glass ceiling!!



In an ironic twist, it was Viscera and Big Show who were held down and breaded with the Colonel's secret herbs and spices before being fried.


HHH: 1, 2, 3, 4, I declare Thumb War...


Not even HHH was prepared for the impact when Big Show finally fell down.


The new Retarded Sneering Riverdance was a huge hit with the fans.


Ah Torrie... the only Diva who could wrestle AND answer the phone at the same time.


BOBBY LASHLEY: (backstage) Heh heh heh... I can hook me some woman too! Hur hur!



MAE YOUNG: Clockwise!!!! *whirrrrr whirrrr whirrr whirrr* Counter-clockwise!!! *whirrrrr whirrrr whirrr whirrr*
MALE POPULATION: For the love of God please stop!!!!


KURT: Oh my gosh, look! It's former WWE wrestler Chainz!!!
HBK: I! Don't! Think! It's! The! Same! One!


Edge tried to save Cena from being shot, but the presence of a second and third sniper proved to be too much.


MICKIE JAMES: Ohmagawd I left the oven on AGAIN!!!


Trish demonstrates her skills by playing the "Tooting Mickie."


You know you're old when a wrestler tries to dropkick you... and just sticks to the flabby skin.


"Invisible hang glider... AWAY!"

Lock Jaw:

HHH: And then you put a chain between them and.... sledgehammerchucks, yo!

Xero Limit 126:

Triple H channels the powers of Mr. Fuji.


Brock'd.

Vastardikai:



Shelton: This was the clothesline I did at Wrestlemania 21.

Ref: How did he do that WITHOUT a Ladder?!?



Mama: Homey Don't Play Dat!



Hunter: Show, don't think so hard, I can see smoke...



Hunter eagerly opens his Belated Christmas Present, only to find out what the Show predicts what Stephanie will give birth to.



King: Puppies!

Coach: What do you call that move?

Styles: OH MY GOD! The Mid-air Muff Dive!

King: Puppies!



Nobody knew why Candice was dooing the Boot Scootin Boogie in the ring, by herself...



Torrie tries her hand at Maria surfing.



The man who could make his words reality must have been in the shower with a hot chick and didn't want to be seen as a perv...



Annie: It's a Hard Knock Life, for us! It's a Hard Knock Life for us!
'stead of Kisses, we get Kicked
'Stead of Kisses, we get Whipped!



Edge: I broke mah shoe!



The ref sees his new limbo pole challenge...

loopydate:



Cruelest foreign object ever: The Dirty Diaper



HHH: ANTHRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAX!



HHH: Stop crying or you won't get your black belt!



NYR came to a halt when a drunken Fergie stumbled out onto the stage to perform a slurred rendition of "Don't Phunk With My Heart."



CANDICE: Dancin' away my hunger pangs. Movin' my feet so my stomach won't hurt. I'm kinda like Jesus, but not in a sacriligeous way.



Maria "Pulls Your Pants Down While You Waltz" Kanellis strikes again.



STYLES: What's keeping those tassles on?

SIDESHOW MEL: The collective will of every man in this room!



It wasn't until they got backstage that they realized Lita had borrowed Rhino's Q-Tips.

RoadWarriorsLOD:


Edge: Oh god i ate too much cheese

RAW [1-9-2006]

RoadWarriorsLOD:



Lita(Thinking) I hope nobody notices that the belt is spinning cause i have no clue how i broke it


Kurt got so tired of selling for Masters he actually fell asleep

Xero Limit 126:


The Mad Humper makes his debut.


Lita: I've stuck the REAL WWE Championship up my hoo haa! If you want it, GO GET IT!


Kurt: EWWWW! FUCK THAT SHIT! I'M GOING TO SMACKDOWN!

[loopydate]

RAW [1-9-2006] (Continued)

Vastardikai:



Micheals notices that Kurt kind of looks like a Bald Al Franken...



Gregory Helms wasn't happy when he saw Kurt bust out the Vertebreaker on Carlito...



Kurt, for some reason, doesn't want to re-enact the WWE version of "Brokeback Mountain" with Shawn...



Masters: He's stepping.... on... my... foot!



Val: Can you autograph my ass! I loved you in that one show!

Shelton's Mama: Sure thing, Val, bend over!



Kane's tandem Goozle/Atomic Wedgie is devastating!



*Mickie holds the mic to her ear.*

Mickie: Why can't I hear myself talk?



Mickie does a spot-on Kane impression.

parkmania:


HBK was amazed at Kurt's "Gammy Num-nums" immitation.


Here we see the first time the WWE 24/7 sign was used as a weapon.


Val really should have waited until the stitching on his tights was complete.


In a move that noone could have predicted, Kelly Clarkson was given a shot at the women's title.

BlackDawn2024:


Man, only Shawn could calculate the exact wind pressure in mid-air to make his elbow drop perfect.

Kane Knight:



In an attempt to piss off the smarks even more, Vince decided to make Lita the undisputed champion.



Masters: You're a homo!
Carlito: Would you please take your hand off my thigh? Das not cool.



Angered at Michaels' pious nature, Masters demands God take him back.



"Okay, but just a quick one. And only because it means we don't job to Masters."



Shelton's mom was so helpful, correcting the misspelling of "Venus."



Shelton: Mom, why'd you bring your bag to the ring?
Mama: I heard That young Orton kid was backstage.



"Ref, tell him to stop hanging onto the glass ceiling!"



Trish regretted lending a hand. How did someone misplace a TAMPON?



"Okay, who took my pants?"

SmackDown! [1-13-2006]

Cool King:


SmackDown! Roster: *Gasps* Talent!


The SmackDown! writing team were at a stereotyping all time low, by making Booker T shoot and kill Benoit to win the U.S Title.

Xero Limit 126:


Rey helped wrangle the poor, helpless, lost walrus.

PorkSoda:




Smackdown's Live Sex Celebration didn't bring in good ratings either.

parkmania:


Kurt: Man, who farted?
JBL: He who smelt it dealt it.


Damn, Angle's hung like an elephant. It's even the right color.

Kane Knight:



Contrary to JR's claim, this title was made of chocolate.



Kurt: I thought you dropped the Nazi gimmick, John?



This 619 backfired when Henry began to chow down on Rey's leg.




Generic Longhair 1: Can I have a turn?
Generic Longhair 2: You've had yours.
Generic Longhair 1: No I didn't. You always cheat on blow the midget.




Henry: You're a homo!
LAshley: Did someone say Hodown?



Kirk: Beam me up, Scotty!



In an attempt to one-up the boogeyman, Booker bites the head off a snake.



Though primitive, the chieftan understands sensuality well. He opts for the facial growth region, a highly erogenous zone only recently discovered by medical science.

Corkscrewed:


BATISTA: "I'm sorry I can't be there to defend my belt for you and the brand."
LONG: "And I'm sorry I had Mark Henry shoot you in the ass."
BATISTA: WHAT?!


KURT: I'm a fricking Olympic medal winner. Why the hell am I the last one to be picked on a team????


Tragedy struck when Ric Flair told Mark Henry there was a sandwich in Rey's crotch too.


LASHLEY: "What the...?"
BUM ON RIGHT: "I'm you from the future, and I'm telling you to get out of wrestling now before you get pushed to the WWE Championship, then get screwed out of making any sort of living because of a stupid 10 year no compete clause and wind up living homeless out on the street!!!!!"



To celebrate his victory, Kurt had Captain America disintegrated.


After realizing Orton had seen the Edge/Lita sex tape, Benoit knew he had to prevent Randy from vomiting in any way he could.


Here we see some of the perks that inspired a young Darth Maul to join the Dark Side of the Force.

Impact!:


In more WWE stereotypical characters, Teddy Long steals Batista's belt while hugging him.


The smacdown roster couldnt believe it, Kurt had finally slain the Giant in black boots.


The belt was stuck atop the glass ceiling, and there was no way in hell Booker was letting go.

[JH]

let me just say thank you for actually thinking some of my captions are good

[loopydate]

SmackDown! [1-13-2006] (Continued)

Vastardikai:



Kurt's mighty sneezes are known to clear entire rings...



Kurt: For the last time, I'm not Buddha. SO STOP RUBBING MY BELLY!



Kurt may be a wrestling god, but he just BOTCHED the Tarantula here...



The first ever "Booker T on a wire" Ladder Match ends tragically.



Boogie does his best Hacksaw impression.

The Fitz:



Little did Kurt Angle know that Rey Mysterio hit puberty and hit a tremendous growth spurt.

RAW [1-16-2006]

Vastardikai:



Hoping for a continued push, Kane offers a Sacrifice of a Charismatic youngster as a Roast Pig...

Xero Limit 126:


It's raining managers, hallelujah it's raning managers, amen!

Kane Knight:



Edge steals Juvi's "Rock-Gimmick-Stealing" Gimmick.



Vince: Now Edge, is it true you called Kurt a Doodoohead?
Edge:...Yes.
Vince: And Kurt, is it true you called his girlfriend a lopsided whore?
Kurt: She started it! She called me "Mr. Clean" And...
Vince: Don't make me put you all in the Time-Out Chamber!



"Shawn, I thank you for converting me to Christianity, and setting me on the path of God's love...But does your hand have to be on my DICK?"




That's right, Grampa...It's spankin' time!



"I'm a hobo? What the Hell does that mean?"




Carlito had never seen Kane this pissed. As he retreated, fighting against the inevitable death he was about to face, he wished he had never played "got your nose."



Never squeeze a pigeon.

Lock Jaw:


Data: We seem to have emerged in the time period when Edge was WWE Champion.
Picard: Fire Photon torpedos.

RoadWarriorsLOD:


The WWE's new test for hernia's did'nt go over will with Shelton

And it definitly did'nt go over very well with Edge

wwe2222:



Eccentric NatureBoys love Edge's Nuts

Impact!:

The road to Wrestlemania is long and hard....




Don't forget to take a snack

SmackDown! [1-20-2006]

Funky Fly:


Trying to capitalize on America's fascination with "Dancing With The Stars", the WWE creates their own version.


Orlando summons all his might and hurls Randy Orton into the sun. That's what happens when you take his fucking cookies.

Kane Knight:



"God, Kurt, do you ever wash that mouthguard?"



"Let's see, I'm finally on top of the WWE again...What's the worst thing they could do to me?"



Mark: Count!
Ref: I think it only counts if you pin him against the mat.



"Oh shit man...When I said I was fine with you going bi, I didn't mean with us."



"Ulp. Negroes can't fly."



"Take that, Firefly!"



He was unbeatable as the Hulk, but once hee calmed down, Booker had no chance.



Benoit's "Force Choke" ability meeant never having to say "I'm sorry."



Worst. Poledance. Ever.



WWE classic Matches: Guile vs Butterbean

Xero Limit 126:


Booker: And God said...


Booker: ... LET THERE BE FUNK!


Ref: FIT! DON'T! DON'T!
*SPLAT*
Ref: *Shrugs*
Vince (in the back): DAMMIT! That's the third "Matt Hardy" we're going to have to replace. Why did I let Stephanie talk me into the "cannot die" gimmick?

darkpower:


God botches the apocalypse.


While the ref uses telekenisis to make Orlando botch every single move, Orton spots the shiniest quarter ever, and must get it right now!

Skippord:



News Reporter:And more pictures of the Abu Ghraib iraqi prisioner scandal have surfaced

Savior:


Tazz: Heh heh, that reminds me of my old E-C-W Days


Tazz: Heh heh, that reminds me of my old E-C-W Days


Tazz: Heh heh, that reminds me of my old E-C-W Days


"The Cement shoe crew" was a big hit in New Jersy


Astrologists have recently found a big black man in the sky

Lock Jaw:


In the ultimate heel move, Booker T.... RAINS FREAKING FIRE ON THE FANS!


OJ: Man-Ass!! *dives*


Oh shit! Noob Saibot!

Impact!:


Ken Kennedy Challenges god to find a better T shirt

[Savio]

Well as long as you have them seaved it should be all right.

[loopydate]

SmackDown! [1-20-2006] (Continued)

Vastardikai:



Kurt stops people from throwing popcorn into Daivari's mouth.



He may have gotten away with Injuring Batista, but his advertantly causing Milena a broken leg sent him to OVW for good.



After this tragic incident, there was now a new rule in the Olympic Stair throwing Competition...



Daivari: All evil Arabs have to have silly looking shoes, and I have THE SILLIEST OF THEM ALL!!!!



Cover of New York Times: One Wrestler eats Another: Has WWE Gone too far?



You WILL be entertained: The Army of Sith DEMAND IT!



Cole: Black Guile with the Flash Kick! This could be all over!



In addition to being the US Champion, Booker T is also an accomplished Badmittion player...



JBL is confused as to why Jillian gives the top rope a Stunner.



Halitosis!



Last week it was Hacksaw, this week Boogey decides to imitate Saba Simba.



Tazz: Why do I have to wear the "B-team announcer" T-shirt?

Gone Mad:


Rey Rey was not a big fan of Henry's Ray Charles impression.


Orlando Jordan IS The Greatest American Hero. Coming to theaters June 2006.


Lashley: AAAH my eyes! The googles! They do nothing!


Kennedy... Kennedy: Sorry about that. The cleaners gave me the wrong shirts.

Tazz: Spice Girl shirts? What a screw up.

Cole: Yeah... they screwed up... yeah... **sneaks shirt into a bag**

parkmania:


Kurt: DAMN! Dave tapped THAT?! Nice!


Ref: Uh, Fit, you really should wait until we're done taping to start tearing down the ring.


Tazz: Wow, Mr. Kennedy, that was some great weed! I think I hear Bill Alphonzo calling me.

Corkscrewed:


Oh yeah, the Axe Effect was working quite well for Kurt.


Unfortunately for Kurt, he'd accidentally put on Axe for Apes as well.


Mark Henry's real life game of Tetris took a devastating turn when he tried to fit the 'L' piece into the straight four block 'Kurt' piece.


Seconds later, the lava engulfed Booker T and his wife, setting the stage for his new reincarnation: Darth Booker.


It wasn't just that Booker had left the oven on. It was that Booker had left the oven on and now it was charging at him angrily down the arena ramp.


Booker T tried his best to stop God from interfering, but his aluminum crutch was little match for the holy energy of the Lord.


Rafiki was back! And man had he bulked up!


It wasn't long before Finlay experienced the first rib veterans did to newcomers: dropping random midcarders onto them.


It was most kind for Finlay to tuck Matt Hardy to bed that night.


"What do you mean we've been enlisted to become the Undertaker's Druids?"

RAW [1-23-2006]
loopydate:



Lita botches pickpocketing.



In a nice gesture, WWE saluted Hulk Hogan just days after his first chemo session.



MOMMA: Shawn Michaels? Why, I remember when yo' ego was yea high!



H.I.A. - Hot Incestual Action



Shawn hoped that making a silly face would cover up the fact that he'd just killed Shelton Benjamin in the worst botched Tombstone ever.



HHH: Mr. Wight, you're trying to seduce me.



In a shocking heel turn, John Cena slaps the STFU on Corky.



Poor Lita. She never saw the Hadoken coming.

Savior:


These guys are big fans of Cock.

Impeccable:



Impeccable logs onto WWE.com, and this annoying little John Cena pop up comes on.

Cena: Hi, I'm John Cena. Buy my stuff. Buy my stuff. Buy my stuff. Buy my stuff. Buy my...are you trying to kill me with that little white arrow?

[loopydate]

RAW [1-23-2006] (Continued)

Corkscrewed:


Kane's attempt to look into the future with the Magic 8-Chair was a bit senseless.


REF: Who will never rise above the glass ceiling? That's right... YOU!!!


As a final nail to the career coffin, Shelton was subjected to having his momma rub his boo boo and kiss it, live on TV.


In a sudden swerve, HBK turns Catholic and pretends Shelton is a choir boy...


Try as they did, neither Lita nor Edge could get Bilbo to wake up and go on another journey.


KING: I don't get it... there's no 'Y' in 'Coach.' None at all!!


Ashley shows tremendous talent riding her invisible skateboard up the Victoria quarterpipe.


HLA, as brought to you through....

INTERPRETIVE DANCE!!!


Mickie was a mantisssssss, and there was no way anyone was stopping her from destroying Assssshley!!!!!


TRISH: So if John leaves Point A going east at 25 miles per hour, and Larry leaves Point B going west at 40 miles per hour, and A & B are 100 miles apart, when will they meet together??? ...hmph.


There was something different about Show, HHH noted. He seemed a lot... bigger.

Impact!:


Who would have known hiding behind the chair would actually work


Even though Kane had beat him in the qualifying round, Carlito still knew that he wouldn't last much longer as the ref announced his opponent...the "Almight" GOD

Disturbed316:



Thanks to new computer technology, we are able to see what Hitler would have looked like at the grand old age of 76.



Hoppy Macgee: S-P-I-R-I-T *gasps* S-Q-U-A-D!

Sir Standaround: Wow, I have new found respect for Scotty.

Vastardikai:



Lita: What's Wrong, Baby?

Adam: I just.... Swallowed... a Bug.



King: So THAT'S what happened to Hassan!



Trish Launches off of Victoria's Boob to take out the Cameraman with a Pescado.



Big Show chooses an odd time to do the Time Warp.

Blitz:


Shawn and Shelton learn a hard lesson. When Mama Benjamin has gas, get the hell out of the way.


WWE Films suprises everyone by revealing they're new gay porn division.


Lita botches Phrenology


It was all going swimmingly, until Jeter tripped over a loose floor panel, and suddenly the Spirit Squad had the worst debut since the Shockmaster.


Big Show learns a hard lesson: Never get in the way of three wrestlers doing the Hokey Pokey.

Lock Jaw:


Cena: Hello friends. Do you wish to sound as happy as me? Well then send $1 to ... me.


Lita: Hey... hey.... the title's not spinning!
Edge: .... It's on the other shoulder......


Kane's new gimmick, the seven foot tall Big Red Can-Can Dancer. Just don't get in his way.

Fryza:



In a world without love, and criminals run the street, only one story of one heoric man will stand out.

This is neither that story nor is this that man.



Worst. Peakaboo. Ever.



Does he know where he's at? Does he know who he is? Well, he may have Alzheimer's, but at least he doesn't have Alzheimer's.



Invisible trip-wire. Steven Richards was getting smarter.



And the Hulk Hogan-Pose-A-Thon was off to a bad start...



Hunter: "Yeah, that's excellent, but can you PLEASE but it back in your tights?"

SmackDown! [1-27-2006]

wwe2222:



At the expiration of his 10 year contract, Mark Henry simply exploded.

Vastardikai:



Despite being "Big name Models," MNM cannot hail a cab in this town for NOTHING.



At the Smackdown Subway, a patron is confused as a couple of other passengers use a Kurt Angle Battering Ram.



Mark Henry's farts can clear rings and make ring announcers BALD.



*Randy looks at the Trashcan lid mirror*

Randy: Yep, still good looking!



Finlay brings new meaning to the term Fighting Irish. He has no time for the referee's Lex Luger impression.



Where will YOU be when Sean O'haire's toilet breaks.



Cole: And REY BREAKS UP the Undertaker impression! That could have ended it RIGHT THERE!



The ref cleverly disguises how he threw up in his mouth just a little bit.

[loopydate]

SmackDown! [1-27-2006] (Continued)

loopydate:



MELINA: Yeah, I farted. Jealous?



ANGLE: Hello?

MERCURY: AAAAAAAH! THAT'S NOT A PHONE! JHOOOOOOOOOOO!



Kurt Angle further cemented his babyface status by punching a nearby Sentinel in the scrotum.



[Poot!]



He thought there was nothing left to lose. But the day Randy Orton took the very roof from over his head, Oscar The Grouch learned that he had been wrong.



He knew he'd regret doing it later, but damn Mark Henry's giant pizza was delicious!



Moy name's Finlay! And I love ter levitate!



As he turned to come face-to-face with the Boogeyman, a sickening thought crept into John's mind. Smokey had warned him that only he could prevent it. Yet he'd done nothing. And now he must pay.



Marty "Meat Grinder" Wright wasn't exactly PETA's favorite wrestler.



To further milk the legacy of Eddie Guerrero, Rey Mysterio began driving to the ring in an Invisible Lowrider. Here, we see him hitting a water buffalo.



In a tragic turn of events, Ric Flair told Mark Henry that there was a sa-- Waitaminute...

vBulletin Message

You must spread some homo jokes around before using them to caption again.

Cool King:


Angle: She's a...um...she's um one of those gay types I've been hearing about.

TPWW:


Henry shows why Vince is keeping him in WWE. He just keeps crapping out talent.


We all know that JBL has to act scared when he sees the Boogeyman, but he just takes it a step to far.

Disturbed316:



The worlds first Chair-Limbo contest got off to a great start.



The Kurt Angle sandwich Henry ate was NOT good.

NoJabbaNoBogRoll:



Smackdown's favourite pair of boobs... And look, there's Melina too.

Royal Rumble [1-29-2006]

Impeccable:


John Cena. The first person on the other side of the infamous glass ceiling.

Fryza:



Rey's Sabu impression didn't go over well with the fans.



Chaos insued when Carlito lost his contact in the ring.



The world stood silent, the moment was upon us. Lashley ate Show's cheeseburger. and there was no turning back.



Rey has seen Hell, and he is scared.



Cena closed his eyes and held his breath. He was always scared of the diving board, but he'd conquer his fears tonight.



Angle watched as the ring collapsed around him. He had to think of something fast to keep from taking the blame.



GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL



The glass ceiling now came with a complimentary glass Big Wheels.



The match stopped when Trish tested her fellow diva's US History knowledge, asking who the 13th President was.



Even though Mickie answered with "John Adams", it was stil closer than Ashley's answer of "False".

Disturbed316:



Super-queef, ACTIVATE!

Xero Limit 126:


Shane: WHICH WAY DID HE GO!? WHICH WAY DID HE GO!?
Orton: Hmm, maybe I shouldn't have fed Shane that nuclear waste...
Shane: SERIOUSLY! I'M BLIND!


Cena: I've created the steel ceiling! It's just below the glass ceiling, but I now own anyone below me! MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!
*Cena walks off the end*
Vince: Sorry, we didn't finish it...


*SCHLUP*
Angle: ... I think my hand is stuck up your butt...
Mark: Yup...
*SCHLOOP*
Angle: Now it's out.
Mark: Yup...

PorkSoda:



Jamie Noble and Funaki came in last place for the Country Festival Wheelbarrow Race.



Shawn wasn't impressed with Vince McMahon's macarina.

Cool King:


Rey: This is for you Eddie.

Eddie: Shut up and wrestle the damn watch!

Yashamaga:



*Crossing the glass ceiling*

Cena: This is one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.

deadlyheaven


Being a veteran in the practice... Triple H over time, aquired the ability to not only hold everyone down but launch them into the sky at will without even looking at them.

[loopydate]

Royal Rumble [1-29-2006] (Continued)

Good Ol JG:


Having completed the bank heist and got away in the car, the only thing left for Rey was a helicopter ride to the Caman Islands.


RVD figured Carlito's hair was as good a place as any to hide in.


Sure he had thrown Viscera over the top, but it was at this moment that Masters fully realised how Vis's landing would affect rapidly rising ocean tides in the Western Hemisphere.


The world watched in shock as Triple H was bullied, pushed over, and had his lunch money stolen by Mike Chiota.


Was it the apron smacking his forearm, or the invisible spike being shoved in Shawn's ass that was causing him to grimmace in pain? Find out next week...


The small pink aliens were determined that tonight was their night to begin world domination. First Orton's head, then THE WORLD!


Winning the Rumble was easy, defeating the giant fire-breathing dragon behind him? That's another story.


Cena couldn't believe it. After all the media attention, rap albums, mega-push and holding the title for 8 months, the fans who he failed to entertain any longer made him walk the plank.


Henry earns botch of the year status for his attempted top-rope springboard moonault.


Angle: "No mark, you have to turn over on your belly and I apply the hold the opposite way."
Henry: "Oh, like this?"
Angle: "No, you have to turn over. Turn over Mark!"
Henry: "Oh......like this?"
Angle: "For Christ's sakes, you didn't even move! Aw fuck it, this will be fine. At least after this I won't be put into another program with a big guy who moves slow and has little-to-no wrestling ability."


Undertaker: "Aaaaaaand Jazz hands."


Daivari watches in horror as London is hung upside down from the ankles from the glass ceiling as a warning to all cruiserweights who ask for a push.

Xero Limit 126:


Eugene: Yo, Rob, hook me up with some more of those pills...
Rob: NOT NOW NICK!


Rey: I'm helping daddy! YYYAAAAAYYY!
Rob: That was a good elimination, son. Now get the gun.


Narrator: This, oh, this is great! We've caught feeding time in the Boogeyman's lair! It's funny, they feed like birds...

Honorable Mention to Xero's "Oooooo" series, which would just take up too much space to reprint in its entirety.

PorkSoda:

Honorable Mention to the "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" series, which would just take up too much space to reprint in its entirety.

Lock Jaw:


Even the ring ropes know to bow in the presence of Kurt Angle.

FourFifty:


Triple H: hmmm.. where was I... 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10... Wow, Vince must really belive in me. Bury 10 people at once... Oh yeah, this is the life.


Triple H: Hey dudes, I need a beer. Just tell everyone I went under the bottom rope to get out, 'k?
RVD: What do I get out of it?
Triple H: A clean piss test.
RVD: Deal!


Vince: Bringing Goldust back... What the hell was I thinking?
FourFifty: *waves hand* You were thinking about how Goldust would boost ratings.
Vince: I was thinking about how Goldust would boost ratings.
FourFifty: These aren't the droids you're looking for.
Vince: There aren't the droids I'm looking for.


Orton still didn't understand it. He told the blonde he needed "Head and Shoulders" and she didn't know how to "give shoulders."


New from WWE films, "The Passion of the Mexican"


It's a damn shame that for the next few weeks Sexual Chocolate can't make any creme filling.


Ref: You're a homo!
Helms: Hey, I only saw "Brokeback" because it has Oscar hype!


JR: Bah Gawd 619 by Big Vis!

What Would Kevin Do?:



As Cena crosses the invisible bridge and neared the Holy Grail, the end of the worst remake in history neared it's end.



But in a surprise ending that made the wrestling world rejoice, John Cena picked the wrong cup.

RoadWarriorsLOD:


In a shocking heel turn Kurt Angle hit's Grape Ape with a steel chair

Mr. Monday Morning:



Big Show was too afraid to tell Lashley his giant twin brother was looking at him



Scientific proof that Rey Mysterio's head is smaller than HHH's knee



"Dudes, check this out, I haven't washed my feet since I got injured!"



"Hey guys, have I got anything caught in my teeth?"

"Uhhhh no, no. Looking good "



Unfortunately for Kurt, Mark Henry hadn't quite grasped the intricacies of "ok loosen your boot like Eddie did at WM 20"



At that moment, Kurt knew he had blown it. He had forgotten the lighter.



When you're the World's Strongest Man, you'd think you could get rid of cramp by yourself



The sole photographer dared to move in closer to observe the specimen, Olympicus Herous, in its natural habitat



For daring to venture too close, the photographer is unfortunately vaporised



The call came in on Mickey's earpiece - the CIA needed her to go undercover at the Playboy Mansion. Jealousy ensued.



There were easier ways to find out what someone thought of your new anti-persperant



Paul's trick of balancing on the turnbuckle with his head drew rave reviews



Kid Kash's air violin and London's breakdancing tragically could never co-exist



Gregory Helms - Crotch-Stomper

My Final Heaven:


Sure, she looked all hot & sexy with her panty flash now. But in about 3 seconds, when she finishes doing her impression of Sid at WCW Sin, you're gonna change your tune.


Mickey: This how you do it?
Chris Jericho in drag: No, no, no, grab both legs, then turn her over!


That Boogeyman sure loves his Arby's Curly Fries.


"Sloth Love Chunk!!!"

[loopydate]

Royal Rumble [1-29-2006] (Continued)

loopydate:



REY: Hey, is that an anvil?



Bobby Lashley, last of the WWE Juniors.



RVD: Dude, we are so fired.

REY: Yeah, but it's totally worth it.



We all expected Nick Dinsmore to come back with a new gimmick, sure. But as a faith healer?



MNM and Road Warrior Animal learned the hard way that during his time away, RVD had grown a third leg.



The Invisible Crucifix was one thing, but Triple H went too far when he created the Invisible Gallows.



HEYMAN: Yeah, that's great Vince, but the beauty of the ECW elevated ramp was that it was the same height as the ring. That's why my guys didn't keep...uh...dying.



A clip from the upcoming Saw 3.

JIGSAW: Kurt, I'm too tired to come up with some horrible, grotesque way of punishing you. So I'm just going to have a fat guy stand on you for a while.



KURT: No, I hit you, then you sell it!



The fact that Mark Henry needed two people to help him complete a somersault still didn't deter Vince from pushing him to the moon.



When he heard that there had been an Arab at ringside, GWB ordered an immediate napalm strike. According to a Fox News report, there were no civilian casualties.



UDNERTAKER: BOOGIE BOOGIE BOOGIE!



MICKIE: What? Nobody told me groping was illegal!

ASHLEY: [Gasp] I'll allow it!

TRISH: Hey, I'm the referee here.



MICKIE: Oh, my God, hi! Yeah, you too! Listen, this like isn't a good time for me, so can I call you back?



CRUISERS: Ooooooooh! The Claw! Paul has been chosen!



Mola Ram wins. Fatality.

Kane Knight:



When they found out Brock was returning, they pitched in to remove all internet references.




Show: I like your Hodowns
Lashley: I like what you do buffets



"High five!"
"Eugene! No!"





Masters: *zap* It really *zap* is *zap* electric.



Unwilling to lose clean, Edge used his psychic powers to melt Cena's face.



I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of internet fans suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.




Since his gay rapper gimmick failed horribly, WWE management decided to turn Cena into a midget. You can see John here, carrying Triple H's championship ring.



Even when fellating a big black guy, Angle has the class to tickle his ass.




Here we see an example of time-space distortion as Angle approaches Mark Henry's event horizon.



"Ahm gonna lynch sum neeggers.



"What do you mean, 'that's not how babies are made?' "



The entire CW division sunk. How can you compete with Spider-Man?

Corkscrewed:


REY, EUGENE, & RVD: "How do you like being under the glass ceiling now, BITCH!!!"


That Shane, even able to take the time to walk his invisible dog.


Backstage, Vince scratched his head. This wasn't exactly the order he'd pictured his stars elevated.


If Cena on strings didn't prove he was merely a wooden puppet, nothing would!


Cena may have won the belt, but he was unprepared for his next challenger: The 500 MPH Super Air Blowing Fan.


STEPH: Heh heh heh... and you thought they only made crucifixes for guys...


On days when Jamie didn't use Right Guard, this move was particularly devastating.

RAW [1-30-2006]

Kane Knight:



Satan: You will now eat Shawn's Heart
Vince: Yes, master.



"Hey, when you hit someone in the head, they do act like Eugene!"



"BAM! BAM! BAMBAM!"



Chavo: Soylient Green is people!
Triple H: Spoilers, dick!



Vince tests out his new "Electric" title belts.



"Okay, you can hold him on the ropes. Just...Don't...Touch me..."



..."King? Why is my monitor all sticky?"



Warning: The WWE is not liable for any diseases contracted from looking at this picture.

Lock Jaw:


Vince: He's not The Hulk! I'M The Hulk! Grrrrraaaaaaooooooorr!!
Shawn:
Vince: Change, dammit, change!


Edge realized the red power pellets went right through him.... and that the red Pac-Men on the bottom of Cena's shoes looked hungry.


Edge: I can't believe I ate the whole thing.

Cool King:



Vince: SHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTT! I left the washing machine on!

[loopydate]

RAW [1-30-2006] (Continued)

Xero Limit 126:


HBK: YOU'VE GOT A BOOGER!


Vince: ShhhhhhhhIT!
FCC: *GASP*
Vince: What?


Vince: And, uh, is that pink lipstick.
Shane: Of course not...
Vince: *Phew*
Shane: It's coral.

Blitz:


Vince and Shawn finally see the sailboat in the Magic Eye picture.


With Triple H safely caught in a snare trap, Chavo decides to honor Eddie by stealing Hunter's watch.


Vince-Guess what Mickie! Jackie Gayda's returning next week and YOU get the first match!

Fryza:



Vince: "And after he told me to turn my head and cough, he reached his hand down like this..."



Vince was hearing voices in his head. Right there. Well, a little more to the left, but in that general area.



Vince: "OH! The apple! I get it now!"
Shane: "But I still don't get the part about the kangaroo..."



After its first test run, the "My Size Triple H Yo-Yo" was pulled from the shelves.



Carlito: A man for the ages.

This message was paid for by supporters of the Carlito for God campaign.



"WHOA, that DOESN'T GO THERE!"



"Whore". A new fragerance, by Calvin Kline.

Impeccable:



Triple H starts practising his telepathy to hold another mid carder down.

RVD: Wierd...I've got the strange urge to strangle myself.

darkpower:


Now was not the time for Shawn to do the pull my finger routine.


RVD: Hey Ref, next time, try taking a SHOWER!


Trish, you're the millionth contestant on Champions the WWE could not give a fuck about.


EDGE: OK, he's in that spot...you want him to do WHAT to me?

RoadWarriorsLOD:


This was Mickies reaction when she learned that The West Wing was cancelled


John Cena is The Ringer

Vastardikai:



His Undertaker impression is so good, it can keep you from realizing that a headless Giant wants to knock your head off with a chair.



When the ref made the signal, Trips unleashed the Force Choke of DOOM!



Annie: The Sun will come out... TOMMORROW!



Chris goes to great lengths to prevent Kane's Public Enemy Impression.



Chris needed some help to catch the high Marshmallow throw in his mouth.



Ref: Um... that's not what the Matrix Jack is used for...



Spirit Squad guy with air horn: Rat Shit, Bat Shit, Dirty ol Twat
69 Assholes, Tied up in a Knot.
C'mon, Lizard Shit, FUCK!!!!!!!!

Rest of Spirit Squad:



Everytime someone cheers for Cena, God Kills a Kitten. Mickie just witnessed it.



Edge was seriously injured when Cena forgot what he was doing mid-move and dropped him to do a Hogan impression. Hunter said it was Edge's fault for not being a good enough Heel and being inable to protect himself in the ring.

Disturbed316:



Go ahead, smell it. Can you guess where I've been sticking it?



No matter how many times she see it, Mickie still can't understand what the fuck was going on with Cena's Rumble entrance. Eventually, her brain began to melt, causing great pain

Gone Mad:


Raw's ratings were never more down on Monday. For some reason, alittle over 50% would change the channel after seeing a vase on their screen for 30 minutes.


Shane: I dunno, dad. He made to the W and the O part, the R and M was all he needed. Too bad about Shawn though..

Vince: You know what this means....? Promote Scotty 2 Hottie.

Shane: ...You.. you serious?


Edge: I'm following the video, but I'm just not getting a castle out of this thing.

Y2J4LIFE:


"You have to be THIS BIG to ride THIS ride!"

[loopydate]

RAW [2-6-2006] (Continued)

darkpower:


EDGE: EWW!! What did you--!?
HACKSAW: Yep, Sid Vicious has NOTHING on ME!!


The medication that the Spirit Squad was taking for their epilepsy just wasn't working.


It's official: Now Foley really IS God.

Vastardikai:



Maria couldn't resist Edge's puppy dog eyes, she had no choice but to flash him.



Styles: And Maria blocks the cleavage shot that could have ended the match!

King: Puppies!



Lita casts a "give your enemy hairballs" spell as only Lita can...



In the WWE Dance contest, Mickie counters Ashley's "Throw them 'Bows" with an old school "Walk Like an Egyptian."



Hunter's plan was to hang-glide from the Titantron to the ring. Tragically, he forgot his hang-glider. In other news, Jericho quickly re-signed to the WWE...



Vince: Yes, I am live from the pit of Hell with the following story...



Ref: Stop looking at my crotch.



Rob saves the world from a Wardrobe Malfunction.

SmackDown! [2-10-2006]

RoadWarriorsLOD:


Cole: And Steven Richards with an incredible spear on Helms


Fat Midget: Hey lady you wanna play with my meat

Xero Limit 126:


Kurt: MY BELTY!
Taker: Give me it!
*Kurt humps it*
Taker: On second thought... Keep it...


MNM debuted their new triple team finisher, The Force Bomb, with the help of Charles Robinson.


Kennedy: *Breathes in* We've got your black ones, your white ones, your purple ones, your Mexican, American, and Japanese midgets! Yes, down at Kennedy Kennedy's Midget Emporium, KKME for short, you can buy any kind of midget for any of your needs! Want a one eyed pirate midget? We got it! Need a new maid? We got em'! And if we don't, we'll get it in, free of charge! That's Kennedy Kennedy's Midget Emporium, on the corner of Hunter Drive and Route 69!


MORTAL KOMBAT!!!!!!!

Lock Jaw:


Bob Orton wasn't too happy before he left.

cuzziebro619:


Chris Benoit was outraged when he found out that JBL had stolen his favourite boot. Benoit wanted it back.


A scene from the new Ken Kennedy movie "Attack of the Midgets".

FourFifty:


Cannon: What part of "She's Jewish" do you not understand!?!?


Taker: It was an accident! He thought he was a quail!
Davari: But he shot the man in his FUCKING FACE!!!


WWE's first big PPV in France, coming this year...
"Le Mania"


Matt Hardy: So JBL, where do you get your fiscal advice?
JBL: My right hand.
JBL moving his right hand: You need to turn heel Mr. Hardy!


Only Chris Benoit could save Mini Nick from the wrath of JBL's ax kick.


Benoit: AHHH! STINK CROTCH!!!


Booker: Damn, that's the last time we let a pair of Lita's panties sit in the trunk overnight...


Crystal: Oh My God! Please, use some breath mints!
Cannon: WWE Brand Breath Mints... That'll work!
Kennedy: I'M PLAYING FULL CONTACT PACMAN!!!

Cool King:



Taker thought that everyone was joking about Henry's electric personality, boy was he wrong.



Taker: How dare you wear white! I hear what you do at night.



Palmer: Congrats Ken, you knocked over all the coconuts, so you get to pick what cuddly toy you get.

Kennedy: I want the pink one....















Pink one!

Impact!:



Undertaker and Mark Henry's invisable Motorbike with side cart was the envy of the entire roster.



Mark: So where Mark at??



Here we see Undertaker and Mark Henry attempt the dredded two motorbikes in a steel ball cage thingy, in a invisable cage, with invisiable motorbikes.



Taker:Is..Is that..A third nipple

*Angle slides belt over third nipple*



Vince: I thought that's what you paid black people



Moments later Eddie's ghost got its revenge on Orton by Driving over him



London and Kendricks jedi powers were truly amazing



Shane Helms farts not only sounded like a motorbike, they made him levitate like he was really riding one.



Some of his "stuff" landed on my ham, Want it?

darkangel131:


This is actually Batista's shoulder!

[loopydate]

SmackDown! [2-10-2006] (Continued)

Vastardikai:



The fans were confused by the fact that they could only see a floating Devil head in the ring...



Nick Patrick, a subtle hater of the net, offers approval to JBL's beating down of the King of LiveJournal.



Jabbing a fork in your opponent's knee isn't the most technical way to escape the Sharpshooter, but it is effective nonetheless.



Not everyone could stomach a match between Pat Patterson and Kanyon...



Booker: I heard of people shitting in somebody's bag, salad, and even crown. But, C'mon! This is beyond fucking sick? Who SHIT in the Trunk of my car?

Randy: *in the shadows* Say I'm not a legitimate Main Eventer, will you?



Super Kendrickio jumped to soon... dying when he hit the side of the Little MNM-bas...



MNM tried to hail a cab for their plastered friend, but to no avail...



No one cared that Helms could jump over Nunzio's arm...



Everybody made fun of Finlay's backpack, but Finlay liked it.

Y3J:


Burchill: Now SD's the flag-ship show

Gone Mad:


GIANT JUVENTUD V. ULTRAMAN! ONE NITE ONLY! ONLY ON PPV!


Booker: LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING! These atheletes here tonight didn't come to play. See the Fujiwar Benoit is placing? Now that's something not to be messed w--

Tazz: He knows we're watching the dog show, right?

Cole: Shh!


UT: I hate you, Elton John!!

Davairi: I'm not Elton! I'm--

UT: ELTON JOHN!!!

RAW [2-13-2006]

Cool King:



Foley: Oh man, that was one hell of a bowel movement.



Bambi's Mother: No Bambi, Stop!

*Dramatic Music*

Bambi's Mother: Stop!

*Gunshot*



Vince: That's right, keep eating...Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poison chocolate! *cackles evily* There is a poison one, isn't there Paul?

Triple H: Err...no, sir. I discussed this with our lawyers and they consider it murder.

Vince: Damn their oily hides!

wrathchildCEW:


When Triple H got his hair caught in the glass ceiling door on the way down to eat some jobbers, Big Show was the only one tall enough to help him.


Whilst HHH and Show fought over who broke the tron and color cameras, the guy in the yellow shirt fixed them using the electrical power of his own testicles.


The guy in the stripy shirt wasn't best pleased when Masters beat him at "find the stoner".


Mickie didn't realise the wall would be so cold when she sat down.

Xero Limit 126:


Shawn: .................
Vince: 3 seconds...
Shawn: .... IT'S A KITTY!
Vince: No, I'm sorry, the answer we were looking for was "dignity"... Dignity...
Kennedy: ........ DIGNITY!!!!!!!

Impeccable:



In a bid to beat WWE's new drugs policy, Eugene smuggles his in a box of chocolates.

Lock Jaw:


Cena: Duuuuuuuurrrr... I'm Superman!


RVD: Ugh,why is this fan not wearing pants?

Disturbed316:



Edge wasn't pleased when O'Haire kicked Cena out of his cage.



Not even Triple H's nose or Big Show's fat ass save them from being sucked into the black hole of doom.

loopydate:



Edge disproves the theory that Mick Foley is a Weeble.



EDGE: God, I wish I knew how to quit you!



Triple H takes "got your nose" a little literally.



Yep. WWE has now officially gone too far. I mean, having Big Show wrestle in blackface?!?!?



REF: Hey, there are like thirty main event pushes up here! So that's where he's been pulling 'em out of!



Vince catches a glimpse of Shawn's "inner piece."



This was so embarassing... Of all the nights to forget your reading glasses.



EUGENE: These chocolates I found in Rochelle Loewen's bag are SO GOOD!

RoadWarriorsLOD:


Mickie James is forced to watch the best of Chris Masters

SmackDown! [2-17-2006]

Gohan3k:


Rey: 42 days until I finally get my title shot at wrestlemania 22!
Vince: Too bad you'll be jobbing though
Rey: Just being in the mania main event is a huge honour!
Vince: Sorry Rey, but the cruiserweight title match is not the main event
Rey: ...wait what?

cuzziebro619:


In the first ever hide and seek competition on WWE T.V we see Angle has found the best hiding spot ever.

Cool King:



Zach Gowan's brother makes his WWE debut.



Booker T: Haha, yeah. That was me that just farted.

Xero Limit 126:


Kurt:
Taker:
Kurt:
Taker:
Kurt:
Taker:

Impeccable:



Momentarily forgetting that Scotty uses vast amounts of hairspray, Greg Helms did his best Bushwhacker impression.

Helms: Eurghhhhhhhhhhh!

[loopydate]

SmackDown! [2-17-2006] (Continued)

Lock Jaw:


Don't you hate it when your inner organs try to escape?


Boogeyman: Look what I just pulled from his bellybutton!
Lil' Naitch:


Kurt: This has been on Smackdown nearly a year and it STILL says Triple H!

RoadWarriorsLOD:


Angle was ready to start blackmailing Taker with the hidden message he found in his tattoos....I GET OFF BY WATCHING MARK HENRY


Undertaker becomes the first and probably only memeber of the Steven Richards lick my balls club

Vastardikai:



Rey: I forgot how Eddie used to lean on the ropes. Could you give me some help?

Randy: Sure.



Rey: Oh, unattainable dream!



Poor Boogeyman. Nobody Loves him. Everybody Hates him.


JBL turned his foot into a Wolverine.


Benoit: You mean I have to Go Down on him?

Lashley: Did someone say Hoedown?

*Somewhere, Candice Michelle hits the floor*

No Way Out [2-19-2006]

RoadWarriorsLOD:

Finlay: My name's Finlay and i like to fight but tonight i like to fuck
Kristal: Oh god no


I bet Lashley wont ask to play the props game again now will he


I'd imagine pulling the US Title out of your dick would hurt

Xero Limit 126:


*Spotlights hit him*
Police: OKAY! DROP THE TITLE AND NO ONE GETS HURT!
Helms: NO! I'M TAKING A STA- *POW*
Vince: Oops, my finger slipped...


Taker saves Kurt Spider-Man-Style when he uses a chain to swing them out of danger.


*POP*
Taker: Uhoh... One of my veins popped...
Kurt: .... EWWWWWW!

Lock Jaw:


Dave "The Fallen Deacon" Batista


STEREOTYPE'D!!!!


ARE YOU MY MOMMY?!

Vastardikai:



Kendrick just isn't as good as London when it comes to invisible Skateboarding.



Keebler Elf: The Green Giants Gone Rogue! I repeat, the Green Giant has gone Rogue!



Finlay: Where's me Lucky Charms?

Cristal: I don't know!

Finlay: You know, everytime you lie about the whereabouts of me Lucky Charms, your underwear creeps up from your pants. Now, Where's me Lucky Charms!?



Rey: So Randy, How are you?

Randy: I'm Super, thanks for asking!

RAW [2-20-2006]

Fryza:



Torrie: "Oh God Maria, put pants on!"



"I don't get it. If it's called a wood chuck, why can't it chuck wood?"



Turns out, the Invisible Crucifix was never a crucifix at all. It was just the Mad Humper. However, his invisiblity cloak had worn off.



Are those emo glasses?



"Here Mr. Flair, you forgot this..."



"Don't eaaaat me mama..."



Where's a barber shop when you need it?



This was the before shot of what happened to RVD after his throw Show's sandwich away. Due to international law and the Geneva Convention, we are not allowed to display the after shot to the general public.



Here we see the ref shitting a leg...



Hunter: No, it's a moissanite.
Cena: A what-a-nite?
Hunter: A moissanite is an artificial diamond, Cena. It's Mickey Mouse, man. Spurious. Not genuine. And it's worth... Fuck-all.

Lock Jaw:


Edge: Come on! right now she could beat anyone in the world in a staring contest!


Ric thinking: I wonder if those damn kids got off my lawn?


Shelton decided that for the good of the theme park, Space Mountain had to be decommissioned.


With no apples present, Carlito took a bite out of his opponent's pants.


Fan in blue shirt: Hey! Don't throw your garbage down here! *hurls HHH back into Big Show*


RVD: Ah, mat! We meet again!
Mat: How ya doing Rob? How's the wife?

Gohan3k:


Cena: So Hunter, what's the worst way to start a huge feud for Wrestlemania?
HHH: Start it as late as possible, with something stupid like 2 people staring at each other
Cena: ...

[loopydate]

RAW [2-20-2006] (Continued)

Vastardikai:



Candice: Watch me Tae-bo, dammit! WATCH ME!



What an odd time to teach Mickey James how to swim, don't you think Victoria?



Candice: Get your JAZZ HANDS AWAY FROM ME!



Kane: Hey, there's marbles in here! No wonder why you couldn't talk...



Here we see the referee telling the story of "Old Yeller".



The matches are so bad, sometimes you need to huff laughing gas just to get by.



His Ric Flair doll was getting deflated, so Shelton had to pump some air into him.



Steven Richards busts out a mid-air Mexican Surfboard.



Shawn wasn't liking the trampoline as much as the other kids were.



Marty: It's great to be together again, isn't that right Shawn?

Shawn: Uh, yeah. *whispers to Brutus Beefcake* The window is set up, right?



Rob: Now, Show, this is how you do the Shining Wizard...

Show: I'M NOT LOOKING, AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!



The ref's hyper-wind breath fires RVD at Big Show.



Guy In Green Jacket: Good thing I went to get Popcorn. Hunter's crotch would have been RIGHT IN my face!



RVD: Master of the Invisible Hang-glider.



Jeff Hardy has just possessed the Game!

Shadow:



John: The fans love me, see!

Fans: Boooooo!

Hunter: This is all my fault for not playing the heel role properly...

Disturbed316:



Torrie is almost choked to death by Candice's "silent but violent" fart.



Edge: Here you go O'Haire, build an extention or something with this.
Lita: I like the pretty lights.



Shelton: But why can't I go on the jungle gym!?



The audtitions for Superman Returns are going well for this young chap.



RVD: *sigh* And it's all down hill from here.

Xero Limit 126:


This was taken just seconds after Torrie decided to taste Chloe's dog food.


Edge: THESE... ARE.... BOOBS!


Kane: ... How do I choke slam you like this?
Masters: Dunno...
Ref: You gotta do something...
Kane: Maybe if I choke... slam... the... post.... Gah, nope..
Ref: How about you RELASE him and then put it BACK on?
Both: Oooooohhh....


Shelton: I *GASP* FELL *GASP* OUT *GASP* SIDE *GASP* AND *GASP* GOT *GASP* A *GASP* BOO *GASP* BOO!


(Seconds earlier)
Shawn: I don't know...
Nick: DON'T WORRY WE'LL CATCH YOU!
Ken: WE LOVE YOU!
Mike: YEAH, DON'T WORRY!
Shawn: Well, okay.... *JUMP*


Triple H: I WON!? Gee, what a BIIIIG suprise! I can NOT believe this!


Triple H: I give you.... THE FOUR HORSEMEN 2006! SOUND OFF!
Ric Flair: RIC!
Triple H: HUNTER!
Batista: DANCIN' DAVE!
Kevin Nash: KEVI-MY QUAD!

SmackDown! [2-24-2006]

Disturbed316:



I swear, the shit was in the bag before I took it.



Long: Bitch, I'm gonna kill you. I'm the Juggernaut bitch!



The Rey Mysterio football wasn't as big as a success as they had hoped.



Regal thinking: Oh I wish I were a pirate.

Y3J:


Chavo beats up Orton despite having his right arm amputated.


JBL performs The Ultimate Spear from the heavens


Throw me a peanut


I haven't washed my feet for 3 weeks


Oh My God, The palm of my hand isn't black.

Lock Jaw:


Rey: We're a totem pole! Huya huya huya huya huya...


Instead of fighting his opponent, Boogeyman pooped out a clone to do it for him.


Booker T: I'm Edward Bookerhands now, sucka!


You know the product is getting bad when the monitors hurl all over the announce table.


Burchill: Tha's interestin'.....


Burchill: Well I used to be a farmer and I made a living fine. I had a little stretch of land along the CP line. But times went by and though I tried, the money wasn't there, and the bankers came and took my land and told me fair was fair. I looked for ever kind of job, the answer always no. "Hire you now?" they'd always laugh, "We just let twenty go! Ha ha!". The government, they promised me a measely little sum, but I've got too much pride to end up just another bum. Then I thought "who gives a damn if all the jobs are gone?" I'm going to be a pirate on the river Saskatchewan!

And it's a heave-ho! Hi-ho! Comin' down the plains, stealing wheat and barley and all the other grains. And it's a ho-hey! Hi-hey! Farmers bar your doors when you see the Jolly Roger on Regina's mighty shores!

Regal: ..... I thought you were British?

Burchill: Shut up.

[loopydate]

SmackDown! [2-24-2006] (Continued)

darkpower:


[Cue Brokeback Mountain theme]


A thinner and darker-haired Steven Frost was asked to be the special guest referee when Wayne Brady and Brad Sherwood finally came to blows during a hoedown.


JBL's reaction to hear that he had to make his worst nightmare come true: Job to a liberal.


JBL watches in disgust as the "no-good liberal" shows that he can do the Finger Poke Of Doom much better than he can.


Tatanka uses his signature manuver, the Arm-Fat Flapper From Hell, with positive results.


MERCURY: PLEASE, GLASS CEILING, SAVE ME, PLEASE!!!!!!


Melina shows the world what she looked like BEFORE donning the makeup...from an angle just to scar children for life.


PSYCOSIS: Hey man, that Junkyard Dog imitation won't work when you are standing UP!
HELMS: Whoever said it was an imitation?
PSYCOSIS: OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKES!!!!


As Tazz tried to figure out who Thing was from the right side this week, Michael Cole took the time to call each and every worm a fuckhead.

Gone Mad:


Chavo and Randy really did enjoy grooming each other.


Chavo: HEY ALBA! SO DID YOU GET MY LETTER?? NO?? OK, I GOTTA GO NOW, SEE YA!


JBL: RANDOM PAC-MAN! WAKA WA-- Ow, THAT'S THE BROKEN ONE, Ya Bastard!

Corkscrewed:



"The Jeffersons were never moving on up. In fact, they moved on DOWN... to HELL!!!!"



Having knocked Randy Orton unconscious, Chavo was now free to enjoy the uber amazing invisible swing.



Security had to restrain Worf after he found out some jerk had removed his brow.


BENOIT: Scratch! My! Balls! Damn you!

JBL: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo!!!!



Cannonball Chris was a huge hit with the fans.



SHARMELL: "OHMAGAWD BABY... YOU HAVE HANDS!!!!"

RAW [2-27-2006]

Blitz:


Judging by his shirt, Edge just learned a hard lesson: Lita squirts.


Predictably, the newly introduced Kane backpack quickly became WWE's worst selling merchandise item.

Lock Jaw:


Apparently Lita did the laundry.


Kane: Don't you just hate it when you get jobber stuck betwen your teeth? They are just impossible to get out.


Marty: That's not the crack I was talki-
Vince: SHUT UP AND SNIFF IT!!

FourFifty:


Mick Foley: And if ECW's second One Night Stand isn't booked properly this year, Vince, you know where this bad boy is goin'!


Game Show Host: Now for all of you playing along with Edge, close your eyes. The answer to "how many people on the roster has Lita slept with" is going to be appearing over her shortly.


THUMBS UP FOR NO REASON!!!


Carlito: Spamalot is going to replace Avenue Q in Las Vegas? Dat's not cool!
WWE Writers: Damn it Carltio! No one is going to get that!
*And somewhere in the Morongo Basin, southern CA...*
FourFifty: so true!


Vince: This reminds me of that one dream that I had when I tried to push The Rockers one last time, and I didn't have any pants on.

Corkscrewed:


Much to the crowd's amazement, Mick was able to virtually finish his own brand of Hardcore Cotton Candy!



CANDACE: Never let go!

TORRIE: I'll never let go!

REF: WHAT?

TRISH: I said! Smells! Like! Fish!



Trish had the gold medal won until she tried to do a Candace drop flip 1080 and missed, thus blowing the win.


Two more people and the WWE Human Swastika would be complete!


The new Shawn Michaels Medicinal Leeches were a great way to improve blood circulation!


TRISH: Aw geez, Candace! What did you eat for lunch????

Xero Limit 126:


In a strange twist of fate, Lita's plastic surgeon botched her boob job and made one boob 4 sizes too big.


The first ever official "X Pac Sucking Machine Match" didn't exactly work out.


Marty: ..... OOOOOOOOOOOHHHH ABYSSSS ABYSS ABYSS ABYss abyss...
Vince:


Shawn: ANSWER ME! DID... YOU... SIT... ON... MY... CHAIR... WITHOUT... PANTS!?
Vince: Now Shawn, let's handle this like gro-
Shawn: ANSWER ME!
Vince: YES! I DID, OKAY!

Vastardikai:



Edge: *watching the Titan-Tron* C'mon Lita, just a little to the left... a little to the left...

Lita: I'm wearing Double Sided Tape.

Edge: *thinks for a second* In that case, C'mon Lita, just a little to the right... a little to the right...



The Sid Leg breaking incident of 2000 paled in comparison to the RVD Double Ankle break/Bottom rope crotch yourself/Shoulder Separation incident of 2006.



Mickey Jay: Referee/Part Time CIA Torturer didn't get over with the fans.



Carlito: You mean that Bush knew about Katrina being bad in advance?



*Three seconds earlier*

Cameraman: Alright, look at the camera and smile!



Listen to the new Hank Williams III album! It's Mick Foley approved!



Vince: That's the best Beer Funnel I have ever seen!

Mondo: And You're next, boss!