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Old 01-12-2006, 04:54 PM   #1
94 SVT Cobra
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The "myth" of andre?
Everytime i hear a story about andre or something they always bring up certain pepole in the story who supposedly beleive in the "myth" of andre. What was this myth, the whole wonder of the world claim they had on him? Or just the fact that he was REALLY a living breathing giant? Any body?

Quote:
Originally Posted by 311
I'm pumped for High School Musical 2! I hope it's not just like the first one!

I don't know if you guys have ever heard any 7-10 year olds talk about the Disney channel, but it's honestly like listening to people talk about this whole other world that is paralell to our own. They talk about some of the Disney kids like they're the biggest fucking shit going.
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Old 01-12-2006, 06:08 PM   #2
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I think it was something to do with downing 100 beers in a sitting
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Old 01-12-2006, 06:13 PM   #3
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Or was it the myth where he took a shit on a hotel bed and wiped his ass on the curtains before leaving?
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Old 01-12-2006, 06:31 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Xero Limit 126
Or was it the myth where he took a shit on a hotel bed and wiped his ass on the curtains before leaving?
With an ass that big, you think he could usual regular toilet paper? he'd go through the whole roll!
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Old 01-12-2006, 06:33 PM   #5
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I don't know, but I do know that they better have had huge toilets everywhere he went, otherwise the plumbers would have had a very shitty time.

They probably had to call in the HazMat team at least once a year.
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Old 01-12-2006, 06:51 PM   #6
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I think there was a defnite myth tho, beacuse a lot of the times i hear these "myth" stories you mentioned, within that story someone says they "Believed the myth of andre" and they mean it for that very moment the story takes place, like beyond the beer drinking and hotel incidents. That armpit website Xero gave a link to a while back that listed all the backstage fights of wrestling usally mentiones, at some point or another, "He believed the myth of andre"...but it could be those stories as well i suppose.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 311
I'm pumped for High School Musical 2! I hope it's not just like the first one!

I don't know if you guys have ever heard any 7-10 year olds talk about the Disney channel, but it's honestly like listening to people talk about this whole other world that is paralell to our own. They talk about some of the Disney kids like they're the biggest fucking shit going.
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Old 01-12-2006, 08:50 PM   #7
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The "myth of Andre" is that he was an un-stoppable giant, and if you pissed him off, he'd kill you. When in fact, Andre was kind of fragile, especially as he got older. And he did have a huge temper (huge guy = huge temper), but he never purposfully hurt somebody.
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Old 01-12-2006, 08:53 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Xero Limit 126
Or was it the myth where he took a shit on a hotel bed and wiped his ass on the curtains before leaving?
You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Xero Limit 126 again.
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Old 01-12-2006, 11:11 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ddpBANG
The "myth of Andre" is that he was an un-stoppable giant, and if you pissed him off, he'd kill you. When in fact, Andre was kind of fragile, especially as he got older. And he did have a huge temper (huge guy = huge temper), but he never purposfully hurt somebody.
sounds about right i suppose for a universaly believed myth
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Old 01-13-2006, 12:37 AM   #10
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HEY EVERYBODY LOOK!!!!! XEROS MAKING FUN OF ME IN HIS CUSTOM TITLE ABOVE HIS AVATAR!!!! IM SOOOOO OFFENDED...
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Old 01-13-2006, 12:43 AM   #11
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--- REVEALED ---

The Myth of Andre The Giant

I recently overheard some of the workers at the promotion I'm working for telling Andre stories that had been passed down. This took place over several conversations. Here's a transcript:



CONVERSATION #1

Worker #1: Andre The Giant was a son of a bitch! Did you fellas know Andre The Giant?

Worker #2: Hell yeah, I knew Andre The Giant! He was a big fella, went about 6'4", 280. He loved his Scotch!

Worker #3: He did! He was a hell of a wrestler! Did you know Andre The Giant was the godfather of my son?

Worker #4: Andre The Giant?

Worker #1: He was a big fella!

Worker #2: Oh yeah, he was a big guy! Went about 6'7", 385.

Worker #3: Well, anyway.. he shows up at the church in his golf pants, caked in mud. Well, ol' Andre The Giant pushes the priest aside and says, "I'll baptize that piece of calamari!" Then he pours Scotch all over my baby son and says, "There! You're baptized!"

Worker #4: And your son is blind to this day!

Worker #1: Yeah, he makes brooms somewhere in Georgia, doesn't he?

Worker #3: I have no idea. [ pause ]

Worker #2: Did I ever tell you about the time Andre The Giant sold me into slavery?

Worker #1: Well, if you're talking about Andre The Giant, I believe it!

Worker #2: Oh, yeah! He puts me on a ship to Thailand, right? And I'm chained to a pipe. Meanwhile, ol' Andre, he's back in the States siring three beautiful children with my wife!

Worker #1: I hate Andre The Giant.. but I respect him!

Worker #4: Did I ever tell you about the time Andre The Giant showed up at my daughter's wedding? You know my daughter; she's a beautiful girl.

Worker #1: I tell you, I'd like to have sex with her!

Worker #4: Well, Andre shows up.. and you know he was a big fella.

Worker #3: Went about 7'8", 530.

Worker #4: Well, he's standing right between me and my daughter at the ceremony. He's got no right to be there, but he's drunk and he's Andre! Well, long story short: the priest accidentally marries Andre and me! [ the guys laugh ] Off! Off! Off! We spend the weekend in the Pocono's - he loves me like I've never been loved before!

Worker #2: Best damn grappler in the world!

Worker #3: You know how Andre served three tours in 'Nam?

Worker #4: Uh-huh!

Worker #3: Well, I'm in Corpus Christi on business a month ago, and I had this eight-foot tall Asian waiter.. which made me a little curious, so I asked him his name, and sure enough it's Ho Tran The Giant!

Worker #1: To Andre The Giant!

Worker #2: Oh, yeah!

Worker #4: Hey, you ever go camping with Andre?

Worker #3: Many times.

Worker #1: I went camping with Andre, his wife, and his daughter Debbie!

Worker #3: Debbie The Giant?

Worker #1: Debbie The Giant. She's 7-years-old, goes about 3'5", 55 pounds. So, I'm in the back of a pickup with Andre The Giant and a live deer! Well, Andre, he grabs the deer by the antlers, looks at it and says, "I'm Andre The Giant! Say it!" Then he squeezes the deer in such a way that a sound comes out of its mouth - "Andrethegiant!" It wasn't exactly it, but it was pretty good for a deer!

Worker #3: That's Andre The Giant!

Worker #4: I once saw him eat a whole live chicken.

Worker #1: His favorite movie was "One on One" with Robby Benson.

Worker #4: Andre The Giant once gave me a videotape of him having sex with my wife, and it was the most beautiful damn thing I ever saw!

Worker #2: I have that tape!

Me: [ turning around ] So do I!

Worker #3: A ten-foot-tall, two-ton son of a bitch who could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing!


CONVERSATION #2

Worker #1: The market...the market's up eighty points.

Worker #2: I'll never figure out this market. One day she's up. [pause] The next day she's up...

Worker #1: Hey, did you fellas know a guy by the name of Andre The Giant?

Worker #2: Yeah, I knew Andre The Giant. He's a 10 foot-tall beast-man, who showers in vodka, and feeds his baby shrimp scampi.

Worker #3: Best damn wrestler on the roster.

Worker #2: He orchestrated the merger between UNICEF and Smith and Wesson.

Worker #3: Andre went public with his own buttocks and made 7 million.

Worker #1: Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky and I went hunting?

Worker #2: I masturbate to the Teletubbies.

Worker #1: Anyway, Andre decides he's going to hunt down all four of the 'Banana Splits.' He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all begged for their lives except Flegal.

Worker #3: We once had a bachelor party for Andre The Giant. He ate the entire cake, before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Worker #2: Andre once hosted the Grammy's and gave every award to Corey Hart.

Worker #1: He has a toenail on the end of his penis.

Worker #3: Andre got his wife pregnant and she gave birth to a delicious 16 oz. steak.

Worker #2: The afterbirth was sautéed mushrooms.

Worker #1: Andre's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong.

Worker #3: Andre is ranked 8th in the AP College Football poll.

Worker #2: Did I ever tell you about the time Andre and I were in a production of "The King and I?"

Worker #1: Every morning I crap the bed.

Worker #2: Anyway, on opening night, Andre chloroforms the entire cast, and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews.

Worker #3: He breastfed John Madden.

Worker #1: Andre made the group Sha-nah-nah. They did not want to be called that.

Worker #2: If you drop a phonograph needle on Andre's nipple it played the Beach Boys' "Pet Sounds."

Worker #3: They used Andre's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee Stadium.

Worker #1: Andre directed that commercial where the women play basketball in high-heels.

Worker #2: He wore a live rattlesnake as a condom.

Worker #3: All the 'Yes' album covers are Andre's family photos.

Worker #2: Darryl Dawkins had a summer hove in Andre's groin.

Worker #1: Hey did I ever tell you about the time Andre taught his son how to drive?

Worker #3: I'm legally retarded.

Worker #1: Anyway, Andre taught his son how to drive by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Andre said "It would have happened sometime."

Worker #2: Andre's semen could form into a liquid human.

Worker #1: Like the guy from Terminator 2.

Worker #3: Andre always believed in Santa Claus and he wanted to put him in porno films.

Worker #2: He thought the Iron Man is gay.

Worker #3: HE FRAMED ROGER RABBIT!

Worker #1: Andre used to ride upon a steed for chance to spy a lady.

Worker #2: The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Andre except for the part about planting apple trees and not raping men.

Worker #3: He gave a hand-job to a manta ray.

Worker #1: [Incoherent babble]

Worker #3: I hear ya' buddy.


CONVERSATION #3

Worker #1: Did you fellas ever work with a guy by the name of Andre The Giant?

Together: Andre The Giant!? YEAH!

Worker #2: Sure did, and I'll tell you one thing. Andre The Giant was a son of a bitch.

Worker #3: Best damn wrestler in the world.

Worker #4: You know he goes about 6' 8" 340 pounds.

Worker #2: Did I ever tell you about the time Andre The Giant forced me to wear a woman's bikini around the office?

Worker #3: God, I love this story.

Worker #1: And I'd love to have sex with your wife.

Worker #2: Anyway, Andre tears off my clothes and makes me wear this skimpy bikini. For the next three months I had to conduct my business wearing a woman's bathing suit. I would cry from shame and question my manhood daily. But at the end of the quarter, I'll be damned if my workrate hadn't tripled.

Worker #1: He went about 7' 10", 590.

Worker #2: He'd eat a homeless person if you dared him.


Worker #3: You fellas know about how I like to steal loose change and valuables from your houses whenever I'm over...anyway here's a Andre story. One time I asked Andre to dress up like Santa for a Christmas party I was throwing for my children; you know Jacob and Christina?

Worker #4: Sure they're dumb as rocks and they always have dirty feet.

Worker #3: Yeah, that's them, that's them. Well Andre shows up as Santa reaches into his bag and says: I've got goodies for you kids. He proceeds to hand out scrap metal and cigarettes to them. Then he takes off his beard and says: There is no Santa 'cause I ate him.

Worker #2: Andre was a son of a bitch.

Worker #4: You know Andre went about 9' 8" 790 pounds.

Worker #1: Oh, you know he'd shed his skin once a year.

Worker #2: I once saw him scissor kick Angela Lansbury.

Worker #3: Did I ever tell you about the time I went horseback riding with Andre, but there weren't any horses around? Well, Andre throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Wyoming for three days. Well wouldn't you know it my stamina increases with each day and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, Andre decides to enter me in the Breeders Cup, right? Under the name Turkish Delight. And I'm running in second place, and I'm running and I BREAK MY ANKLE.

Together: [Laughter]

Worker #3: So anyway they're about to shoot me. Then someone from the crowd yells out, God bless him, don't shoot him he's a human.

Worker #5: Hey, I lost money on you.

Worker #2: I like you a lot...

Worker #5: Hey is this guy going to hurt me?

Worker #1: No he likes you. He likes you.

Worker #4: You know he jumped off the Empire State Building this one time and he only sprained his ankle.

Worker #1: Like an alligator he could fully digest a turtle shell.

Worker #3: His favorite TV movie was The Boy in the Plastic Bubble starring John Travolta.

Worker #2: He'll gorg hullaghas then [gurgling noises]...


CONVERSATION #4

Worker #1: Andre The Giant was a son of a bitch.

Worker #2: Best damn wrestler in the world.

Worker #1: An 8', 2-ton monster who could palm a medicine ball. [laughter] That's what he was.

Worker #2: Last night I tried to kill myself again.

Worker #1: So anyway, Andre would put on a white tie and tails and would walk his cobra through the park on a leash. He named the cobra Beverly, and he taught it how to fetch and dial a phone. But then one day it bit the maid. So with tears in his eyes Andre had to shoot the maid.

Worker #2: Andre would use his own thigh as an anvil.

Worker #3: You know it was the sight of Andre's naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane.

Worker #2: He showered in grain alcohol.

Worker #1: He used the Shroud of Turin as a golf towel.

Worker #2: He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident.

Worker #3: He drove an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

Worker #1: His first name was Andre. [pause] I'm drunk.

Worker #2: He made every woman that slept with him refer to him as Bear Bryant.

Worker #1: He once ate the bible while water skiing.

Worker #3: Did I ever tell you he once had sex with a cigarette machine?!

Worker #1: [Incoherent mumbling] You're damn right and every kid in this arena was fathered by Andre The Giant. Every one of them.

Worker #4: Are you guys talking about Andre The Giant?

Together: We certainly are.

Worker #4: I knew Andre The Giant!

Worker #1: I want to be your dear friend.
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Old 01-13-2006, 02:35 AM   #12
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Downs a drink to Bill Braskey Andre the Giant.
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Old 01-15-2006, 12:37 AM   #13
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The following was overheard at his funeral:


3rd Friend: I can't believe he's gone!

1st Friend: Best damn salesman in the office!

2nd Friend: Andre the Giant was a son-of-a-bitch!

3rd Friend: I'm gonna miss him!

2nd Friend: [proposing a toast] To Andre the Giant!

All Three: [raising their glasses] Andre the Giant!

3rd Friend: A ten foot monster who slept with all of our wives!

2nd Friend: And he punched us all in the face!

1st Friend: And we LOVED him for it!

3rd Friend: He had a four day heart attack!

1st Friend: Yeah, a day for every chamber!

2nd Friend: When they did the autopsy, they said his heart was like a basketball filled with ricotta cheese!

3rd Friend: They found sixty dollars in change in his stomach!

1st Friend: Best damn worker in the company!

3rd Friend: To Andre the Giant!

All Three: Andre the Giant!

3rd Friend: I remember one time Andre took his family to Sea World--

1st Friend: I'm wearing a diaper!

3rd Friend: [after a slight pause] Anyway, they were watching Shamu the whale when Andre got splashed!

2nd Friend: [speaks incoherently]

3rd Friend: Right. So Andre yells, "I'm Andre the Giant and no one gets me wet!" So he climbs into the tank, grabs Shamu and throws the whale into the audience, splashes him and yells, "How do you like it?!" And then damn if Andre didn't step in there and finish the show!

2nd Friend: That's just like Andre!

1st Friend: You know, he would shoot whiskey into his neck with a syringe.

3rd Friend: He did all the make-up on the Planet of the Apes movies.

2nd Friend: He taught - he taught me how to love a woman - and how to scold a child.

1st Friend: He had dandruff the size of mice!

2nd Friend: To Andre the Giant!

All Three: Andre the Giant!

2nd Friend: Did I ever tell you about the time Andre took me out to go get a drink with him?

3rd Friend: I'm a convicted sex offender!

2nd Friend: [after a pause] Anyways, we go off lookin' for the arena and we can't find it. Finally, Andre takes me into a vacant lot and says, "Here we are!" Well, we sat there for a year and a half. Sure enough, someone constructed an arena around us!

1st Friend: The TD Banknorth Arena!

2nd Friend: That's right, that's right! Well, the day they opened it, we ordered a shot, drank it and then burnt the place to the ground. Andre yelled over the roar of the flames, "Always leave things the way you found them!"

3rd Friend: He was a terrible man!

1st Friend: He once punched a hole in a cow just so he could see who was comin' up the road.

3rd Friend: He had nine children, all of 'em boys!

2nd Friend: Hell, he sired a baseball team.

3rd Friend: An orchestra, if you count the bastards!

2nd Friend: To Andre the Giant!

All Three: Andre the Giant!

Woman: [joins the three at the casket, whispering loudly] Excuse me, could you gentlemen please keep it down? This is a funeral!

1st Friend: Oh! Sorry.

3rd Friend: Sorry, sorry. Hey, you mind gettin' us some fresh ice there, girlie?

Woman: You are horrible men! [exits]

1st Friend: [continues without missing a beat] Did I ever tell you about the time I had breakfast with Andre?

2nd Friend: My Uncle Hal molested me!

1st Friend: [after a slight pause] Anyways, Andre drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for eight months straight. When he woke up, he rubbed his eyes and said, "All in all, I prefer gin!"

3rd Friend: That's just like Andre!

2nd Friend: To Andre the Giant!

All Three: Andre the Giant!

2nd Friend: They say Gene Roddenberry got the idea for Star Trek from Andre talkin' in his sleep!

3rd Friend: He once breast-fed an injured flamingo back to health.

1st Friend: He used to jog around the block with a fridge on his back!

2nd Friend: His poop is considered currency in Argentina!

1st Friend: He loved extension cords!

3rd Friend: He hated Mexicans!

2nd Friend: And he was half Mexican!

1st Friend: And he hated irony!

3rd Friend: He grew a third arm and kept it in a vault!

2nd Friend: He slept eight hours a night! [the others give him a puzzled look] Well, he was pretty normal when it came to that.

[A mourner rises with a drink in his hand and joins the three at the casket:]

4th Friend: Excuse me! Are you guys talkin' about Andre the Giant?

First and 2nd Friend: We certainly are!

4th Friend: I know Andre the Giant!

2nd Friend: I like you!

3rd Friend: To Andre the Giant!

All Four: Andre the Giant!

[Suddenly, a giant hand clutching a half full glass of liquor smashes up through the top of the wooden casket. The Andre Bunch is momentarily stunned.]

Booming Voice of Andre the Giant: I'm back! Now, top me off, you bastards!

All Four: [thrilled] Andre the Giant!

[First and 2nd Friend pour liquor into Andre's glass.]

1st Friend: Here you go, buddy!


Source: PWImploder.com
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