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Old 06-14-2006, 11:51 PM   #1
Blitz
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Wanna fight Uwe Boll? Now's your chance!
From defamer.com:


Uwe Boll Challenges Critics To Beat His Lack Of Talent Out Of Him


In a gesture that would indicate a final and complete severing of whatever tenuous bonds with the real world he had left, hack videogame-movie director Uwe Boll has come up with a novel way to answer his many detractors. According to Ain't It Cool News, Boll is inviting his critics to apply to win the opportunity to beat the living shit out of him, footage of which will end up in Postal, his shooting-rampage movie based on (you guessed it) the videogame of the same name:

Towards the end of the filming of Postal, the five most outspoken critics will be flown into Vancouver and supplied with hotel rooms. As a guest of Uwe Boll they will be given the chance to be an extra/stand-in in Postal and have the opportunity to put on boxing gloves and enter a BOXING RING to fight Uwe Boll. Each critic will have the opportunity to bring down Uwe in a 10-bout match. There will be five matches planned over the last two days of the movie. Certain scenes from these boxing matches will become part of the Postal movie. All five fights will be televised on the Internet and will be covered by international press.

If you find yourselves confused as to what boxing has to do with the fact that Boll makes unbelievably crappy movies, you're clearly overthinking the matter. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for critics to disprove the stereotype that they are all doughy, benign nerds who are only capable of rendering damage in the form of cutting remarks. As an added incentive, equals from the same publication are welcome to take the director on simultaneously: Whatever pay-per-view fees were involved, we'd gladly hand them over to see the NY Times' Manohla Dargis jump on him from behind and dig her thumbnails into his eye sockets, distracting Boll long enough for co-reviewer A.O. Scott to bring him down from behind with a sharp blow to the head with Pauline Kael's I Lost It at the Movies.

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Kane Knight's body...
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Old 06-15-2006, 10:56 AM   #2
Kane Knight
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Does it have to be a boxing match? Coz I will SO do worse.
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Old 06-16-2006, 04:23 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blitz
This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for critics to disprove the stereotype that they are all doughy, benign nerds who are only capable of rendering damage in the form of cutting remarks.
Stupidest shit I've read this week.

Instead of "doughy, benign nerds who are only capable of rendering damage in the form of cutting remarks", we're now dumbasses who settle their differences with violence. Uwe's a fool behind the camera, but he set up a nice lose-lose situation for anybody who hates him. I give him credit for this one.

I can dislike his movies without being a "doughy, benign nerd" or a wannabe boxer.
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Old 06-16-2006, 09:19 PM   #4
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Lol I have read a few other interviews with Uwe Bole.

He seems like a massive tool but not like an arseholic "Shawn Micheals circa 1996 " tool but more like a lovable dipshit tool in the mode of Gob Bluth.
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Old 06-17-2006, 05:58 AM   #5
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Who the fuck is Uwe Boll
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Old 06-17-2006, 11:29 AM   #6
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Yes. Truly Machiavellian.
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Old 06-17-2006, 11:32 AM   #7
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The acclaimed director of House Of The Dead, Alone In The Dark, and Bloodrayne. He's pretty much the Antichrist to people who expect good movies out of video games. His movies are terrible, but the day someone makes a single good movie based on a game, the day Uwe Boll's career will be over.
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Old 06-17-2006, 01:54 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by loopydate
The acclaimed director of House Of The Dead, Alone In The Dark, and Bloodrayne. He's pretty much the Antichrist to people who expect good movies out of video games. His movies are terrible, but the day someone makes a single good movie based on a game, the day Uwe Boll's career will be over.
How good?

Because compared to Boll, Street Fighter was Cinema Masterpiece.
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Old 06-17-2006, 02:53 PM   #9
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I mean something I'd be willing to pay money to see. I'll watch Street Fighter or Mortal Kombat if they're on HBO or something, but I wouldn't pay $7 to go see either of them in a theater, just like I wouldn't pay to see Bloodrayne, House of the Dead, Alone In The Dark, Silent Hill, Resident Evil, Doom, Tomb Raider, et al.
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Old 06-17-2006, 03:21 PM   #10
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I actually paid to watch Mortal Kombat. Mostly because it was part of a birthday party dealie...
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Old 06-17-2006, 04:56 PM   #11
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Mortal Kombat was actualy pretty decent, as far as martial arts movies go.
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Old 06-17-2006, 06:18 PM   #12
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It was definitely more interesting than MOST of the Video Game movies. I'm not sure it was particularly good (Even as far as kung fu flicks), but it's not particularly bad, which puts it head and shoulders above the large body of video game movies.
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Old 06-18-2006, 03:12 PM   #13
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Actually, I think MK is so bad that it's good. It's really cheesy, and the effects are bad, but it's just so damned fun to watch because of it.
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Old 06-18-2006, 03:28 PM   #14
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Haha, Good on this Uwe Boll guy. Critics give so much shit, but they can never take it. I hope some dumb guy steps up.
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Old 06-18-2006, 04:06 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by just john
Haha, Good on this Uwe Boll guy. Critics give so much shit, but they can never take it. I hope some dumb guy steps up.
Yeah, poor Boll, he's so unfairly persecuted.
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Old 06-18-2006, 04:32 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by Kane Knight
Yeah, poor Boll, he's so unfairly persecuted.
He's fairly persecuted, but I gotta give him credit for taking a stand, you dont see that too often.
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Old 06-18-2006, 09:29 PM   #17
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Most people who get unfair flak aren't retarded enough to give a shit and throw down. Which leaves retarded folk who take a stand when they have no real footing.

And the retarded folk who applaud people just for the sake of taking a stand.
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Old 06-19-2006, 11:57 AM   #18
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I have a message from the retarded folk:


"Fkcu you!"
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Old 06-19-2006, 01:17 PM   #19
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Quote:
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Who the fuck is Uwe Boll
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