![]() |
![]() |
#1 |
Triple A
Posts: 133,040
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
The Favorite Quotes From TV/Movies Thread
lol dunno why but this one is stuck in my head right now.
![]() The Simpsons Marge: Did anyone see that new Woodsy Allen movie? Ned: You know, I like his films except for that nervous fellow that's always in them. |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#2 |
Triple A
Posts: 133,040
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Seinfeld
FRANK: And who doesn't serve cake after a meal? What kind of people? Would it kill them to put out a pound cake? Something! GEORGE: So, they didn't give you a piece of cake? Big deal. ESTELLE: It is a big deal. You're supposed to serve cake after a meal. I'm sorry. It's impolite. FRANK: Not impolite...it's stupid, that's what it is. You gotta be stupid to do something like that! ESTELLE: Your father's absolutely right. We're sitting there like idiots drinking coffee without a piece of cake! rofl |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#3 |
History's Greatest, Mr. E
Posts: 42,425
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
You're asking me to fill this thread with AD quotes? Because I will do it.
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#4 |
History's Greatest, Mr. E
Posts: 42,425
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Narrator: And soon the Bluth boys found themselves in a strange land.
Buster: (Shouting in Arabic.) Iraqi Cab Driver: (Shouting in Arabic.) Michael: What did he say? Where are we? Buster: He said he’s taking surface streets to LAX because the freeway’s backed up all the way to Knott’s Berry Farm. |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#5 |
History's Greatest, Mr. E
Posts: 42,425
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Michael: And so you just finished off the bottle?
Lindsay: Well, I had to. It’s vodka. It goes bad once it’s opened. Michael: I think that’s another one of Mom’s little fibs. -------------------------------------------------------- Maeby: Well, I just poured Mom into bed. Would it kill her to let some vodka go bad? George Michael: Oh, no, vodka doesn’t go -- --------------------------------------------------------- Michael: You’re going to rehab again? Lucille: I’m bringing Lindsay. I’m worried about her. Lindsay: Did you get the corkscrew? Michael: So there’s going to be wine at the rehab, huh? Lindsay: Well, wine only turns into alcohol if you let it sit. Michael: ...Mom, how do you come up with these? ----------------------------------------------------------- Lucille: Four saunas, three steam baths, Olympic-sized pool and you’re telling me there’s alcohol? What the hell are we supposed to do for two days? Lindsay: I could take the top off this grape juice and maybe by morning... Lucille: Oh, for God’s sake, Lindsay, grow up. You’re 40 years old. Lindsay: ...thirty-five. |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#6 |
History's Greatest, Mr. E
Posts: 42,425
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Michael: We’ve got a picture of you with Saddam Hussein.
George, Sr.: I thought that was the guy who played the Soup Nazi... I told him how much I liked his work. (I'll stop now) |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#7 |
Stickman
Posts: 15,119
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Whats the deal with ovalteen?
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#8 |
History's Greatest, Mr. E
Posts: 42,425
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Lindsay: How do you think I feel? Bob Loblaw’s a handsome, professional man and I’m only used to... well, none of those things.
Tobias: Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over— an analyst and a therapist. The world’s first analrapist. ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#9 |
History's Greatest, Mr. E
Posts: 42,425
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Fuck, I have to leave this thread or I'll be here all day.
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#10 |
Second City Saint
Posts: 5,806
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
vBulletin Message
You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Joey RoXer again. |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#11 |
bonjour
Posts: 27,814
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Marge: Homer, when are you going to give up this crazy scheme?
Homer: Never! Never, Marge! I can't live the buttoned-down life like you. I want it all: The terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend some of the blue noses with my cocky stride and musky odours - oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called "city fathers" who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about, "what's to be done with this Homer Simpson?" |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#12 |
That Entenbrot, The Mask
Posts: 56,852
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Chef's Father: [at Chef's rehearsal dinner] Could I have everyone's attention, please?
[crowd quiets] Chef's Father: Tomorrow, my son is gonna get married to a beautiful lady. [sniffles] Chef's Father: I'm very happy for them both. [begins to choke back tears] Chef's Father: Ooh, there I go - I told myself I wasn't gonna cry. Chef: It's okay, pop. Chef's Mother: Thomas, you're gonna get me going now. [begins to tear up] Chef's Father: I remember when Chef was just a three-year-old little man, he came runnin' into me with a big smile and his little chef's hat on, and he says to me, "Poppa, poppa." I said, "What do you need, Chef, my boy?" He said, "I need about tree-fitty." Chef's Mother: Tree-fitty! Chef's Father: Well, it was about that time I begin to get suspicious. I said, "Chef, my boy, why do you need tree-fitty?" He said, "My imaginary friend Boo-Boo the dinosaur wants it." So I went to my son's room, and sure enough, there was that damn Loch Ness Monster! Chef's Mother: Lord, it was scary! Chef's Father: I said, "Dammit, monster, you quit bugging my children, now. We work for our money in this house - we don't just give money away!" |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#13 |
Posts: 22,695
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Homer: I am so smart, I am so smart, I am so smart. S-M-R-T, I mean S-M-A-R-T
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#14 |
Posts: 22,695
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Cochran: Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, Chef's attorney would certainly want you to believe that his client wrote "Stinky Britches" ten years ago. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself! But, ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!
Gerald Broflovski: Dammit! Chef: What? Gerald: He's using the Chewbacca Defense! Cochran: Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation, [approaches and softens] does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests. |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#15 |
That Entenbrot, The Mask
Posts: 56,852
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Interviewer: So, are you guys as anti-Semitic as some might believe?
Matt Stone: You know, a lot of people have accused South Park of anti-Semitism, but I'm Jewish, and so I can say with some certainty that I am not anti-Semitic. Trey Parker: I am, however. |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#16 |
Posts: 33
![]() |
Entourage
Drama: (Going to South Central) "I'm very nervous. This is the second time coming to this neighborhood that I haven't had my numbchucks." Ari: "I don't want to be bothered unless it's Carmen Electra calling for an emergency titty fuck!" Drama: "When opportunity knocks you let it in, and for God's sake E, let it go down on your girlfriend!" Ari: "I'd love to stay but it's anal sex night at the Gold house, I've got to go home and punish my wife." Drama: "If you play gay or retarded, you get an Oscar. I'd take it in the ass for an Oscar." Turtle: "You'd take it in the ass for a guest spot on The Hughley's." And about a million more... |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#17 |
That Entenbrot, The Mask
Posts: 56,852
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Leopold 'Butters' Stotch: [Butters is holding a Barbie doll] "Hey there, Butters, wanna slap my titties around?" Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I might get in trouble again.
[he puts the doll away and begins whistling] |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#18 |
That Entenbrot, The Mask
Posts: 56,852
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Ted Maul: Kids burst shops by filling them with rice, and pouring in water: then standing back and laughing, while the bricks are ripped apart by the swelling food.
------------------- Chris Morris: You are a piece of shit on my shoe. Lick yourself off. Lick yourself off my shoe... No, don't actually do it! Where's your self re-cocking-spect? |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#19 |
That Entenbrot, The Mask
Posts: 56,852
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Keith Mandement: This pool's been open nearly 40 years, and, in all that time I only slipped up once, to my mind. I was engaged in a particularly tricky word puzzle and 40 people had broken in and were in the pool, playing around, ducking, bombing and doing all manner of prohibited activities, and eventually someone was killed.
Interviewer: But given that your sole responsibility is to maintain the security of the pool, isn't that an indictment against yourself? Keith Mandement: Well, I would say this - I've been working here for 18 years, and in 1975 no one died. In 1976, no one died. In 1977, no one died. In 1978, no one died. In 1979, no-one died. In 1980... someone died. In 1981, no one died. In 1982 there was the incident with the pigeon. In 1983, no one died. In 1984, no one died. In 1985, no one died. In 1986... I mean, I could go on. Interviewer: No. Keith Mandement: Right. |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#20 |
That Entenbrot, The Mask
Posts: 56,852
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Christopher Morris: Peter, you've lost the news! What have you got to say?
Peter O'Hanarha-hanrahan: I'm sorry. Christopher Morris: Look like you mean it! Look down at the ground and say "Sorry". Peter O'Hanarha-hanrahan: I'm sorry. Christopher Morris: Peter, next time you cross the road, don't bother looking. |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#21 |
I'm Mr. White Christmas
Posts: 44,526
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Dr Cox: Did you follow me here
JD: No, a friend dropped me off *Flashback to JD riding on top of Cox's car* JD: EAGLE Scrubs Last edited by Skippord; 09-02-2006 at 12:49 AM. |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#22 |
Triple A
Posts: 133,040
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
POST WHAT IT'S FROM
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#23 |
love yourself
Posts: 47,788
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
I have absolutely a billion from the ESPN Classic show "Cheap Seats". But you kinda gotta watch the show to understand the quotes. So I'll go with some classic Seinfeld.
George: The sea was angry that day my friend. Like an old man trying to bring back soup at a deli. |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#24 | |
Angel Headed Hipster
Posts: 37,942
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Quote:
![]() |
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#25 |
Posts: 21,603
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Any Bruce Campbell One Liner.
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#26 |
Tedious Inevitability
Posts: 7,521
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
South Park
Butters: "OH BOY! A huge package from Japan, I've always wanted a huge package!" The Simpsons Ralph Wiggum: "I BEAT THE SMART KIDS! I BEAT THE SMART KIDS! I BEAT THE SM*Ralph trips*...I bent my Wookie" Prinicpal Skinner: "Can I interest you in a Caffine-Free-Diet-Dr Pepper? ...Dunno why, but I love the idea of Caffine Free Diet Dr Pepper, sounds like it'd be fizzy brown water. I could throw some Futurama quotes in, but i'd be here all day. |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#27 | |
est. 1884
Posts: 11,488
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Quote:
![]() |
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#28 |
Boss
Posts: 17,611
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Seinfeld
Frank: You want a divorce? YOU GOT ONE! I don't know why I thought that was so funny, but man did I have a good laugh. |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#29 |
LIMITLESS
Posts: 32,276
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Monty Python's Life of Brian
Matthias: Look, I don't think it should be a sin, just for saying "Jehovah". [Everyone gasps] Jewish Official: You're only making it worse for yourself! Matthias: Making it worse? How can it be worse? Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah! Jewish Official: I'm warning you! If you say "Jehovah" one more time (gets hit with rock) RIGHT! Who did that? Come on, who did it? Stoners: She did! She did! (suddenly speaking as men) He! He did! He! Jewish Official: Was it you? Stoner: Yes. Jewish Official: Right... Stoner: Well you did say "Jehovah. " [Crowd throws rocks at the stoner] Jewish Official: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! STOP IT! All right, no one is to stone _anyone_ until I blow this whistle. Even... and I want to make this absolutely clear... even if they do say, "Jehovah. " [Crowd stones the Jewish Official to death] Last edited by DaveWadding; 09-01-2006 at 06:27 PM. |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#30 |
continental drift
Posts: 46,731
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
The Simpsons
Jay Sherman: So then I said to Woody Allen, "Well, Camus can do, but Sartre is smartre!" Homer: Oh yeah, well, Scooby Doo can doo doo. But Jimmy Carter is smarter. *tumbleweed rolls by* Aqua Teen Hunger Force Carl: Oh good, you've seen me. Willie Nelson: I've been known to... do a number on some cats. Shake: Do a number? Yeah, I'll bet you'll do a number, on stage in your tights, on Broadway. Which is where you moved to after you left Texas Chainsaw Mascara, where you're from. 12 Oz Mouse Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald: All right. There's a special-effects guy outside. He did the work on Black Beast. He the best. There's not an entire beast in the movie, but you think there is. He's that good. He's gonna make a mold of your head. |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#31 |
continental drift
Posts: 46,731
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
The Naked Gun
Frank: Oh, and one more thing. I faked every orgasm. Ed: Yeah, but going into Ludwig's office without a warrant, you're taking a big chance. Frank: I know. You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in a fan. Clerks Dante: Call 911. Randall: Why? Dante: Because there's a stranger in the bathroom and he just raped Caitlin. Randall: I thought she said she did all the work. |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#32 |
Stickman
Posts: 15,119
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
I dont' remember the quote but the first Family Guy episode after it was cancelled. Peter listed off all the shows the failed in that time frame. It seemed like he went on for a few minutes.
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#33 |
love yourself
Posts: 47,788
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
"We've just got to accept the fact that Fox has to make room for terrific shows like 'Dark Angel,' 'Titus,' 'Undeclared,' 'Action,' 'That '80s Show,' 'Wonderfalls,' 'Fastlane,' 'Andy Richter Controls the Universe,' 'Skin,' 'girls' club,' 'Cracking Up,' 'The Pitts,' Firefly,' 'Get Real,' 'freakylinks,' 'Wanda at Large,' 'Costello,' 'The Lone Gunmen,' 'A Minute with Stan Hooper,' 'Normal Ohio,' 'Pasadena,' 'Harsh Realm,' 'Keen Eddie,' 'The Street,' 'American Embassy,' 'Cedric the Entertainer,' 'The Tick,' 'Luis' and 'Greg the Bunny.'" |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#34 |
Alive
Posts: 13,683
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Last edited by Triple A; 09-04-2006 at 07:55 PM. |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#35 |
Posts: 61,520
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Scrubs is a gold-mine. Watch that show.
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#36 |
Posts: 61,520
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Kelso(on the phone): Darling, I wanna say something. For the past 25 years, we've been going through the motions - once every couple of weeks we have sex, and then we have breakfast without saying a word. Well, tonight, I want you to put on a nice dress, because I'm gonna take you to dinner and I'm gonna start telling you all the things I haven't taken the time to say all these years. ... I love you, too.
Ted: That was...beautiful, sir! Kelso: Thanks, Ted. Call my wife, tell her I won't be home tonight. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dan: Dude, these are living, breathing people we're talking about here. Cox: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, what do you do? Dan: I tend bar. Cox: Well, I'll tell you what, there, Dan: I'm gonna go ahead and worry about how we do things around here. But if I ever do need to find out how to make a top-notch rum and coke, well, by gum, mister, you had better be by the phone, cause I just might give you a jingle. Ba-ha-rrrri-hing! Hi, Dan? Coxaronie. Regarding the rum and coke issue - couldn't be more confused! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dan: And you know what, J.D.? I'm worried, 'cause I think this marriage might actually stick. Unlike Mom and Dad, who tried to solve everything with sex. J.D.: They did? Dan: Oh, yeah, yeah. Matter of fact, the only reason you were born is 'cause Mom bounced a check at the market. J.D.: Oh, that's great! I guess you're only here because Mom wrecked the car? Dan: No, they wanted me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dan: I know. But you know what? This is gonna be great. You know, this reminds me of the time I came down to see you guys when you were in med school... Oh! And I hooked up with that slutty chick! Remember, the one with the huge cans? What was her name? J.D.: Amy. Dan: Yeah! How do you remember stuff like that? J.D.: She...was my girlfriend. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- J.D.'s Narration: As a doctor, it's important to know how to make small talk. J.D.: Mr. Bober, what would you like with your turkey sandwich? Mr. Bober: Pickles! J.D.'s Narration: ...Of course, it's harder if your patient suffers from dementia and can only say one word.... J.D.: And to drink? Mr. Bober: Pickles! J.D.: And now, for a thousand dollars and this bag of I.V. fluid, which is guaranteed to make you feel like you're a hundred and ninety again, What did Peter Piper pick a peck of? Mr. Bober: Pickles. J.D.: Oooooooh! I'm sorry, Mr. Bober! The correct answer is peppers. "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers." Cox: NEWBIE! J.D.: Huh? Cox: Did I just walk in on you mocking an innocent patient!? J.D.: Yes... Cox: I've never felt closer to you. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- All those were from one epiosde I researched, because I couldn't find the quote I was looking for. J.D. asks Dr Cox if his brother, Dan, can come with them, and Dr Cox goes on a huge rant about how many ways he can say "No" to J.D., only to say yes after J.D. does his horrible, shy version of Dr Cox's favourite "Man falling off of a cliff". God, I love that show. Here's another juicy line from the first episode of Season 2: Dr Cox: You know, I was thinking off all the times you've toyed with me and manipulated me, and I can't help but be reminded of the children's fable, "The Tortoise and the Pain-in-the-Ass-Chief-of-Medicine-That-Everybody-Hates". You see, Bob, the Pain-in-the-Ass-Chief-of-Medicine-That-Everybody-Hates kept running out in front of the tortoise and taunting him, and then...well, I'm sure you remember it, Bob: The tortoise bit clear through the Chief of Medicine's calf-muscle, dragged him to the ground where he and all the other turtles devoured him right there...on the race track. It's a terrifying children's tale, Bob, but it's one that's stuck with me throughout the ages... |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#37 |
I'm Mr. White Christmas
Posts: 44,526
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Elliot: I put all those flyers up and no one wants me to live with them.
J.D.: Oh, c'mon, Elliot, I'm sure you'll eventually find a roommate who's a clean non-smoking vegetarian that rinses the shower thoroughly after each usage. Elliot: Well, if you don't it gets mildewy. J.D.: You should live with my friend, Anal McLooney. J.D.: This, this isn't like being a janitor, okay! It's not just like something everybody can do. Janitor: Oh. So you can do my stuff, but I can't do yours? J.D.: Yes! Janitor: Okay, hotshot, what would you use to get a coffee stain up off a tile floor? J.D.: I don't know... the... rough side of a sponge? [silence] Janitor: Dammit. Also Scrubs Last edited by Skippord; 09-03-2006 at 03:03 PM. |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#38 |
I am the cheese
Posts: 51,438
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Vizzini: So it is down to you, and it is down to me. If you
wish her dead, by all means, keep moving forward. Dread Pirate Roberts: Let me explain-- Vizzini: There's nothing to explain. You're trying to kidnap what I have rightfully stolen. Dread Pirate Roberts: Perhaps an arrangement can be reached? Vizzini: There will be no arrangement, and you're killing her. Dread Pirate Roberts: Well if there can be no arrangement, then we are at an impasse. Vizzini: I'm afraid so. I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains. Dread Pirate Roberts: You're that smart? Vizzini: Let me put it this way: have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates? Dread Pirate Roberts: Yes. Vizzini: Morons. Dread Pirate Roberts: Really. [pause] In that case, I challenge you to a battle of wits. Vizzini: For the princess? < Pirate nods > To the death? < Pirate nods > I accept. Dread Pirate Roberts: Good. Then pour the wine. [Roberts pulls out a small vial, and uncorks it] Inhale this, but do not touch. Vizzini: I smell nothing. Dread Pirate Roberts: What you do not smell is called Iocane powder. It is odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in liquid, and is among the more deadly poisons known to man. Vizzini: Hmmmm. Dread Pirate Roberts: < turns away from Vizzini with the goblets, and pours the poison in. Goblets replaced on the table, one in front of each. > All right. Where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right...and who is dead. Vizzini: But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me. Dread Pirate Roberts: You've made your decision then? Vizzini: Not remotely. Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. Dread Pirate Roberts: Truly, you have a dizzying intellect. Vizzini: WAIT TILL I GET GOING! Where was I? Dread Pirate Roberts: Australia. Vizzini: Yes, Australia. And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me. Dread Pirate Roberts: You're just stalling now. Vizzini: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me. Dread Pirate Roberts: You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work. Vizzini: IT HAS WORKED! YOU'VE GIVEN EVERYTHING AWAY! I KNOW WHERE THE POISON IS! Dread Pirate Roberts: Then make your choice. Vizzini: I will, and I choose-- What in the world can that be? [Vizzini gestures up and away from the table. Roberts looks] Dread Pirate Roberts: What? Where? I don't see anything. Vizzini: Well, I- I could have sworn I saw something. No matter. [Vizzini smirks] Dread Pirate Roberts: What's so funny? Vizzini: I'll tell you in a minute. First, let's drink. Me from my glass, and you from yours. < they drink > Dread Pirate Roberts: You guessed wrong. Vizzini: You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! Ha ha ha-- [Vizzini stops suddenly, and falls dead] |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#39 |
I am the cheese
Posts: 51,438
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Inigo: He's climbing the rope. And he's gaining on us.
Vizzini: Inconceivable! [pause] FASTER! Fezzik: I thought I was going faster. Vizzini: YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THIS COLOSSUS, YOU WERE THIS GREAT LEGENDARY THING, AND YET HE GAINS! Fezzik: Well, I'm carrying three people, and he's got only himself. Vizzini: I DO NOT ACCEPT EXCUSES! I'M JUST GOING TO HAVE TO FIND MYSELF A NEW GIANT, THAT'S ALL. Fezzik: Don't say that, Vizzini. Please? Vizzini: DID I MAKE IT CLEAR THAT YOUR JOB IS AT STAKE? [Scene: At the top. Fezzik, Vizzini and Inigo are looking down at the masked man climbing the cliff after Vizzini has cut the rope] Fezzik: He's got very good arms. Vizzini: HE DIDN'T FALL? INCONCEIVABLE! Inigo: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#40 |
I am the cheese
Posts: 51,438
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Inigo: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my
father. Prepare to die. Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. Count Rugen:Stop saying that! Inigo: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. Count Rugen:No! Inigo: Offer me money! Count Rugen:Yes! Inigo: Power, too. Promise me that! Count Rugen:All that I have and more! Please! Inigo: Offer me everything I ask for! Count Rugen:Anything you want. Inigo: I want my father back, you son of a bitch. |
![]() |
![]() |