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Old 09-02-2006, 05:23 PM   #1
RoXer
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Make-A-Wish Recipient Now Wishes Macho Man Randy Savage Would Go Away

Make-A-Wish Recipient Now Wishes Macho Man Randy Savage Would Go Away
September 1, 2006

PHOENIX—9-year-old leukemia patient Tyler Blashock was initially ecstatic to learn Monday that the Make-A-Wish Foundation was sending Macho Man Randy Savage to meet him at the Phoenix Children's Hospital. But after spending half a day Savage, Blashock said he wished the 44-year-old wrestler would "just go."

Tyler, who was diagnosed with for the last six weeks has undergone chemotherapy through painful cerebrospinal injection, said the the two-time WWF World Heavyweight Champion was physically and mentally demanding.

"I really only wanted him to give me an autograph and tell me what it was like to fight the Ultimate Warrior," Tyler said. "Not read me bedtime stories and try to feed me."

"Crying hurts," Tyler added.

Tyler's father Frank said he and wife Helen were "thrilled" that their son would finally have a positive experience, "especially after his hair started falling out."

"But in Tyler's weakened state, it's all been too much," Frank said. "Far too intense."

According to Helen Blashock, Macho Man, who arrived wearing dark sunglasses and matching leather hat and vest, burst into Tyler's hospital room and shouted, "Hey there little dude, I'm here to make you feel gooooood!"

"You could just see the confusion in Tyler's eyes—he didn't understand why this was happening to him," Mrs. Blashock said. "He's been so brave."

Savage, who told Tyler his acute lymphocytic leukemia reminded him of the time he wrestled Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat and "crushed that pip-squeak's larynx," said that he enjoys helping less-fortunate fans.

"I do what I can to pump the kids up," Savage said. "I'm still on their team even though they can't tag me in for this fight."

Savage also brought old Wrestlemania videos to watch with the boy.

"My eyes and my bones and everything aches," Tyler said. "I just want to sleep."

Earlier in the afternoon, Savage lifted the boy's arm in the air to show that he had won a mock wrestling match, then ran circles around the room, slapping his own face.

"Tyler's bone marrow is so damaged there is almost no blood clotting, so the slightest touch will leave substantial bruising," said Tyler's doctor, pediatric oncologist Suri Prendesh. "It's also best that Tyler avoid any more playful Savage Elbows or Scoop Slams."

Though Tyler had been showing signs of improvement, doctors feared Macho Man's "unending" boasts and product plugs were trying the boy's already-weak immune system.

"Tyler's still worn out from his biopsy, and this man will jump right in his face and scream, 'Snap into remission!'" Helen said. "When will my son have some peace?"

"I don't like when he sings his songs," Tyler said, referring to Savage's impromptu performance of songs from his rap album Be A Man. "They make me sad."

The Blashocks said they were initially relieved when Savage sprinted out of the room at 10 p.m., but his absence was short- lived.

"We thought it was the end of the ordeal," Mr. Blashock said. "But sure enough, 15 minutes later, we hear, 'All right, Tyler, let's clothesline this cancer,' and we knew tomorrow was going to be another day that our son wouldn't be able to swallow any food."

Savage also used the occasion to issue a challenge to rival Hulk Hogan.

"Dig it, Hulkster: If you're not afraid, we'll throw down right here for the kid," said Savage, who has never defeated Hogan in a professional match. "Then he'll see once and for all that the Macho Man truly is the greatest wrestler that has ever lived."

"Oooooh yeaaaaaahhhhhh," Savage added.

The overwhelming sensory assault has left the Blashock family wondering how they will ever be able to "beat this thing."

"When Dr. Prendesh politely informed Macho Man that the high fat content in Slim Jims was really too much for Tyler's sensitive digestive system, he threatened to introduce her to a 'world of pain,'" said Mr. Blashock. "I guess all we can do at this point is just wait, and pray, and hope he has to visit some other sick kid tomorrow."

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/52287


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Old 09-02-2006, 05:28 PM   #2
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OMG ROFL
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Old 09-02-2006, 05:36 PM   #3
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Wow. Just wow.
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Old 09-02-2006, 05:37 PM   #4
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LMAO!! That is bloody hilarious.
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Old 09-02-2006, 05:43 PM   #5
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That's all I can say.
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Old 09-02-2006, 06:12 PM   #6
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That picture looks really fake... but whatever...
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Old 09-02-2006, 06:18 PM   #7
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Old 09-02-2006, 06:18 PM   #8
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You DO know that The Onion is a fake newspaper and all their stories are fake right Rammsteinmad?
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Old 09-02-2006, 06:19 PM   #9
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That whole article looks fake, but funny none the less.
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Old 09-02-2006, 07:03 PM   #10
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Yeah guys, not too sure on it's credibility. I maybe should have mentioned that beforehand.
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Old 09-02-2006, 07:10 PM   #11
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Even thouh it is fake it is hilarious, and the best thing I have read all day.
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Old 09-02-2006, 07:27 PM   #12
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this is funny shit..this would play out well as a sketch on the simpsons
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Old 09-02-2006, 07:39 PM   #13
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Ahh, I was smart - I used mine on Kurt Angle.
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Old 09-02-2006, 07:54 PM   #14
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You DO know that The Onion is a fake newspaper and all their stories are fake right Rammsteinmad?
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Old 09-02-2006, 07:58 PM   #15
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lol i love macho man
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Old 09-02-2006, 09:59 PM   #16
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Oh, man, and here I was thinking he rapped for the poor kid.
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Old 09-02-2006, 10:06 PM   #17
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Tremendous.
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Old 09-02-2006, 10:44 PM   #18
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Blashock views Savage's muscles again.
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Old 09-02-2006, 11:00 PM   #19
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ROFL
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Old 09-03-2006, 12:10 AM   #20
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Class
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Old 09-03-2006, 12:12 AM   #21
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I didn't notice it was the Onion until after reading. I was mortified, because I could actually see him doing this to someone. Thank God it's not real.
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Old 09-03-2006, 09:52 AM   #22
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Dig it, Hulkster: If you're not afraid, we'll throw down right here for the kid," said Savage, who has never defeated Hogan in a professional match. "Then he'll see once and for all that the Macho Man truly is the greatest wrestler that has ever lived."




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You DO know that The Onion is a fake newspaper and all their stories are fake right Rammsteinmad?
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Old 09-03-2006, 11:18 AM   #23
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"But sure enough, 15 minutes later, we hear, 'All right, Tyler, let's clothesline this cancer..."
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Old 09-03-2006, 04:40 PM   #24
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Knowing it's not real for some reason makes it a lot funnier for me.
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Old 09-03-2006, 05:01 PM   #25
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(x ∞)
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Old 09-03-2006, 05:10 PM   #26
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ROFL
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Old 09-03-2006, 07:49 PM   #27
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The Onion rules.

Plain and simple.



That was total ROFL
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Old 09-03-2006, 08:15 PM   #28
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Would've been funnier if it were real.
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Old 09-04-2006, 12:40 AM   #29
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YOUR Hero makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)YOUR Hero makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)YOUR Hero makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)YOUR Hero makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)YOUR Hero makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)YOUR Hero makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)YOUR Hero makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)YOUR Hero makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)YOUR Hero makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)YOUR Hero makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)YOUR Hero makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)YOUR Hero makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)YOUR Hero makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)
LOL@ Slim Jims comments
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Old 09-04-2006, 02:56 AM   #30
UmbrellaCorporation
All That Jazz
 
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UmbrellaCorporation has a good deal of rep (10,000+)UmbrellaCorporation has a good deal of rep (10,000+)UmbrellaCorporation has a good deal of rep (10,000+)UmbrellaCorporation has a good deal of rep (10,000+)UmbrellaCorporation has a good deal of rep (10,000+)UmbrellaCorporation has a good deal of rep (10,000+)
LOLLLLLLLLL
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Old 09-04-2006, 03:01 AM   #31
The Ravishing One
Hello
 
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The Ravishing One puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)The Ravishing One puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)The Ravishing One puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)The Ravishing One puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)The Ravishing One puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)The Ravishing One puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)The Ravishing One puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)The Ravishing One puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)The Ravishing One puts the "bang" in Bangladesh (30,000+)
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Old 09-04-2006, 07:09 PM   #32
RoXer
History's Greatest, Mr. E
 
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RoXer makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)RoXer makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)RoXer makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)RoXer makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)RoXer makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)RoXer makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)RoXer makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)RoXer makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)RoXer makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)RoXer makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)RoXer makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)RoXer makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)RoXer makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)
How bout some rep here fellas.
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Old 09-04-2006, 07:33 PM   #33
samichna
TAKE IT EACE
 
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samichna has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)samichna has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)samichna has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)samichna has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)samichna has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)samichna has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)samichna has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)samichna has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)samichna has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)samichna has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)
"Oooooh yeaaaaaahhhhhh," Savage added.
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Old 09-04-2006, 08:04 PM   #34
Dark-Slicer Diago
The Darkness Has Awoken
 
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Dark-Slicer Diago is good (20,000+)Dark-Slicer Diago is good (20,000+)Dark-Slicer Diago is good (20,000+)Dark-Slicer Diago is good (20,000+)Dark-Slicer Diago is good (20,000+)Dark-Slicer Diago is good (20,000+)Dark-Slicer Diago is good (20,000+)Dark-Slicer Diago is good (20,000+)
wish this happened to me when I was in the hospital in July for an appendix surgery, but I'm not in the US for one
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Old 09-05-2006, 02:35 PM   #35
Stickman
Stickman
 
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Stickman has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)Stickman has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)Stickman has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)Stickman has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)Stickman has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)Stickman has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)Stickman has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)Stickman has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)Stickman has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)Stickman has a relatively large amount of rep (50,000+)
I can't believe the Macho Man never defeated HOgan
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Old 11-04-2006, 08:27 PM   #36
RoXer
History's Greatest, Mr. E
 
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RoXer makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)RoXer makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)RoXer makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)RoXer makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)RoXer makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)RoXer makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)RoXer makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)RoXer makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)RoXer makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)RoXer makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)RoXer makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)RoXer makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)RoXer makes a lot of good posts (200,000+)
lol

Was searching my posts and this one showed up. Deserves a bump.
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Old 11-04-2006, 08:31 PM   #37
Crippla
Anger
 
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Crippla got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Crippla got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Crippla got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Crippla got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Crippla got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Crippla got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Crippla got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Crippla got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Crippla got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Crippla got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Crippla got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Crippla got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)
See, no one jumps on anyone else when they bump threads.
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Old 11-04-2006, 08:32 PM   #38
Ben Rodrigues
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CanadianCrippla
See, no one jumps on anyone else when they bump threads.
Why are you so bitter?
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Old 11-04-2006, 08:33 PM   #39
Crippla
Anger
 
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Crippla got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Crippla got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Crippla got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Crippla got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Crippla got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Crippla got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Crippla got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Crippla got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Crippla got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Crippla got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Crippla got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Crippla got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)
I'm not the one who is bitter!
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Old 11-04-2006, 09:46 PM   #40
Boondock Saint
 
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ROFLLLLL
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