WWE RAW Captions [2-23-2004]

[Corkscrewed]

Vince took shock TV to a new level when he had Jazz hold Victoria up as the ref mercilessly groped her breasts repeatedly. The heel move was thwarted, however, when on the following day, thousands of internet smarks sent the referee gold and chocolates for allowing them to live out their fantasies vicariously.


Little known side effect of drinking 10 YJ Stingers at once: You spontaneously orgasm in the ring.


There's nothing sexier than pausing for a pose with a Lita draped around your neck.


Monica Lewinski was in tears after winning the Women's Title. Those "cigar sessions" with Vince had really paid off!


Looking at the mirror, Stevie was confused. Who the hell was Dock?


With Victoria too busy celebrating her win, Stevie didn't HAVE to be invisible to finger her.


Orton gets cheap heat by mocking Theodore Long.

OR

Um, can someone get the Ortonbot off 'QUEER' please?


Bischoff: "So I'm thinking about having Bill come back as this 'Ringmaster' character..."
Austin & Vince: "Really..."


Shawn's hair conditioner smelled so good Benoit just had to get a closer whiff.


Evolution was collectively grossed out when Benoit's smelling of Michael's hair tumbled into a wild, heated passion of lovemaking right in the middle of the ring.
Hunter: "Whoa. Shawn never did THAT with me..."


*DING DING DING!* The winner, and NEW champion, Ba..."


Benoit certainly got the fans goin with his naked top rope YMCA cheerleader routine.

OR

Hunter wasn't happy. The invisible crucifix wasn't supposed to activiate until Wrestlemania!

OR

Benoit: "Wheee!!! This nude hangliding is what I've always wanted to do. Wait a moment, this isn't where I was supposed to land..."


Tired of being held back, Batista uses Benoit to try to batter through the glass ceiling.


Benoit: "TAP, DAVE! DAMMIT!"
Hebner: "Woof woof woof!"
Dave: "Um... now isn't the best time for your bulldog impression, Earl."


"Who's got the hot ring announcer pressed against his bicep? Yep. R...V...D."


Christian: "Okay... this is gonna be a little awkward. Ahem. Trish, in my right hand I hold a tin of what is called Acting Pills. These will help you act better. Just take one a day..."


Internet fans rejoiced when JR was mugged and beaten senseless by a stray hobo one day.


Christian: "WHAT? You don't like my new X horns?"


When Christian wouldn't let go, the ref knew the only way to save Trish was to morph his hand into a dinosaur and eat Christian's head with it.


You'll have to excuse Vince. The fourteen year old entering the ring was blocking his view of the eighteen year old flashing in the stands.


*whistling* This is Bob. Bob is doing well. Because Bob decided to take a look at all natural male enhancement. Now, Bob is having a swell life. Flying high. And having a happy couple of misses at home.


It's sad. Jackie even botched the "join the Kiss-My-Ass Club" segment.


Kane: "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING WITH KAREN AND KELLY VICK???"


Austin: "Time to check for hernias. Turn to the left and cough."
Vince:


Austin was ecstatic. Years of bad booking would now come back to haunt both men as they began to engage in HGA!!


Crouching Madman, Hidden Redneck didn't turn out so well.


Eric was all but finished, but he breathed new life into the match when he countered Vince's choke with the dreaded BLACK LICORICE WHIP!!!


Wow, Goldberg sure has changed since No Way Out...


As punishment for having a hot head, Brock was forced to become the designated carrier for drunk alcoholics.


Oh my gosh! So it's been Brock who's been taking out legends over the past few weeks! And now he got Austin!!!

[Savio]

Mick: Hey I'll tell you how I feel They punched me Kicked me th-
JR: Stunner!
Mick: No they didn't stunner me bu-
JR: Governed mule!
Mick:...umm anyways I don't remember to muc-
JR: Bah gawd!!
Mick: Lemme finish I remem-
JR: Sorry fans I don't mean to be biased but this man is a stain on the underwear of life
*Mick does his double arm DDT*
JR: John cena with the Rock bottom!

[Corkscrewed]

^ That was actually a good one! Good job! You finally made a good caption!

[Savio]

Yeah that was my favorite so far. I will also take your comment as a compliment.

[Ol Dirty Dastard]

Brock (trying to get a better view): Good heavens! is that a women or a whale?

Steve: Neither, it's Stephanie.

(bazing)

[Fryza]

Victoria didn't like the idea of being used as the ball in the game of catch. Especially when she realized why the ref was cupping his hands.



Victoria: And then he said, "Because it's a MOOSE!"
Lita: OH! HAHAHAHA! I get it! That crazy Flair and his Moosen.



Lita knew she only had one way to win, and that was to deflate Victoria's breasts.



The WWE signed an agreement with the WB, getting a larger, more powerful female roster...

Announcer: Here is your winner...Piper Halloway!



Victoria: Stevie...arm...losing blood..
Steven: Are they still flipping me off?! Those rotten kids, I'll show them!
Victoria: Please stop using my arm for it..
Steven: Quiet woman!



When Victoria needed a high note, Stevie fisted her. Worked everytime.



Orton lived up to his daddy's legacy, and began playing "Cowboys" and "Indians" with the ref. Natural, he was Cowboy Orton.



You can see Vince's and Steve's expressions, after learning how much Eric saved by switching to Geico.



Benoit earned his name the "Rabid Wolverine," by dislocating Shawn's shoulder, breaking his nose, and eating his hair. ALL IN ONE MOVE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!



Orton: Okay...Batista, you go in and attack straight down the middle. The rest of us will run to the limo and party..
Batista: Hey...wait no! That isn't fair.
Hunter: Yeah Randy, I'm the one that writes the shots around here...
Batista: Yeah!
Hunter: Okay Batista, you go in and attack straight down the middle. The rest of us will run to the limo and party..
Batista: Yea...wait...



Batista: Dangit...this worked for Brock..



Benoit finally broke the glass ceiling, and stayed there, by hanging on to O'Haire's cage.



No matter how good at technical wrestling Benoit was, he just couldn't pull off that Hurricarana...



Benoit: I. GOT. YOUR. NOSE.
Dave: WHAT?! Earl..He's got my nose! Stop him, that's illegal! No, he can;t do that, HELP HELP HELP!
Earl: It's a figure of speech Dave..
Dave: But it actually hurts there!
Earl: Because that move hurts the nose...



Today's RAW was SUPPOSED TO be brought to you by the letter Y, but NO, he just HAD to fuck it up...



Christian soon realized, that the only way to get his push back, was to dig through the TRUE midcard hell...Trish's cleavage...



Mick: And then I said to my wife, "You couldn't clock me on a good da."
JR: And...
Mick: And then she clocked me..



Christian: C'Mon....give us a HUG!
Trish: No.



Christian: HAHAHA! Now you're stuck in this submission, and you have no choice but to ta...ta...ah..ah..ow..OW! Hey! STOP PINCHING MY LEGS! REF REF!
Ref: And here is the hair line...



..and it was all going great, 'til Vince saw the girl's dad heading down the ramp.



Stacy was pleased. Once she convinced the cops she was only twelve, she could have Vince sent to jail and she could take over the company.

In the meanwhile, Jackie botched thinking...



Most. Pathetic. Strip. Tease. Ever.



And we now return to the 2004 Tounge Twister Championships:

Kane: How many times does a random jobber lose in a match against Triple H!
Vince: That wasn't a Tounge Twister...
Kane: Fine, then let's see you do one!
Vince: Barely buried between Benoit and Batista and behind the bolting balance of beauty bitterly.
Kane: ...ah shit...



Austin: Vince, I think it's time I stepped down and passed the torch to a younger star. I think it's time that I stop taking up TV time, company money, and move on. I think you should give the correct pushes to the good poeple, instead of listening to Hunter. Vince, I'm giving the fans what they want, and allowing a new star to be born.
Vince: Really!?
Austin: Naw, I'm just playing, you know I wouldn't be that stupid.



It was win/win for Austin. He bid on the hasbeen.



Test your might.
Test your might.
Test your might.
...MORTAL KOMBAT!



Vince: Your soul is MINE!
Eric: ...actually..Hunter alread has i...
Vince: SILENCE PEON!



Brock and Austin didn't really understand the concept of Leap Frog..



This is the worst attempt at a Tornado DDT I have ever seen.



Brock was more than scared when he realized he accidentally killed Austin. In sheer confusion, he told Vince that he had caught Austin on the computer, thusly he must have been leaking information. Due to his bad mic skills, however, Vince forced Brock to job to Angle one more time, causing Lesnar to cry backstage afterwards. Everything was fine the next day. Gotta love happy endings.

Jazz: So what's he doing now.
Victoria: I think he's setting up for the magic show.
Jazz: Oh, the juggling act is over already?



Ref: 5 seconds ladies
Victoria: Please, Please...make it stop
Lita: Oh god, my eyesssssssssssssssssssss
Ref: Okay guys, they've been punished enough. Turn off the Hunter/Steph Honeymoon tape.




Contrary to what some may believe, the ref was really just checking to see if Vicoria had any illegal objects in her tights.



Stevie: What the hell, Sunday Night Heat. Dammit, they've done it again.
Victoria: Whyyyyyyyyyyyy.




The bookers decided to scrap the Hurricane/Storm match in order for Evolution to have a little game of 'Cops and Robbers'



Austin: TH......TH-EH.....TH-EH
Bischoff: THE
Vince: Wow, Tough one.



Benoit: You better tap or I'll tell the whole world what I saw happening inside Vince's office yesterday.

HHH: Oh Sh**....Tap Shawn, Tap Nowwwwwwww.



After witnessing Benoit's Suicide Headbut off the top rope, Evolution had these thoughts:

Flair: My god, what a move.
Batista:We're actually aloud to climb the turnbuckles?
Orton: SOOOO, it's possible to do that without falling flat on your face?
HHH: That's going to be tough one to no sell.



Batista: PSSSS, Chris what should I do next
Benoit: Okay, Lift me up and give me a torture rack.
Batista Got it



Batista: LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!
Benoit: Why the FU** do I even try.



Benoit: Dave your suppossed to TAP Dammit
Batista: I never learned how
Benoit:Just move your hand up and down hitting canvas
Batista: The left one or the right?
Benoit: Can you move your right hand?
Batista: NO, it's stuck
Benoit: Then the left one you stupid ****!!!!!!!
Benoit: 'Oh yeah Chris, come to Raw, you'll have loads of fun here.' LIARS!!!!!!!



Christian: Okay Trish, I'll explain it one more time. You see, when the "good guy" wrestler decides to have a change of heart and become a "bad guy," that's called a 'Heel Turn.' You get it now.




JR: So, how do you feel about your feud with the so called, 'Legend Killer,' Randy Orton

Mick: WHO?



Christian: What now?
Trish: Do you know what the term "Bury" means, cause I heard Triple H using that a couple of times when he was refferring to his Wrestlemania match?



Oh look, you can finally get a glimpse of Sean O'Haire's cage in the upper right hand corner.



Kane: OK, it was funny last week, but paying me in oreo cookies really has to stop.



Austin: Did you know that Mr. America was Hulk Hogan?
Vince: Your kidding, right?




Austin really enjoyed watching the Bischoff/McMahin staring contest while drunk and stoned out of his mind.




Bischoff: What should I do?
Austin: Give him a "Jamie Noble"
Vince: For the last time Steve, that's an actual wrestler, not a move.




As you can see, hide-and-go-seek really wasn't Brock's game.



Brock does a great 'HHH' and the same can be said for Austin's 'Benoit' impersanation.

jesus, did I HATE the pics this week.

[Innovator]

Victoria: GO-GO Gadget Boobs!



Victoria: So I said "Rectum? Damn near killed 'em!"
Lita:



Beating HHH to the punch, Brock Lesnar captures the WWE Women's Title first



Stevie: Great job Victoria, and now that I'm on RAW my push can come abou----DAMN LOOK AT EM TITTIES!



Randy: Bang! Bang! I killed another legend!



Austin: Oh god thats Linda! naked!
Vince: huh, so thats what she looks like naked



Benoit: TAP! TAP! TAP!
HBK: Oh your wrists are so smooth, what moisturizer do you use?
Benoit: Do you ever sell?
HBK: Not for Canadians



HHH: So THATS what talent looks like



Batista: EARL RING THE BELL!
Benoit: No you have to have me in the Sharpshooter



Batista: NOW EARL!
Benoit: ....to think I could have wrestled Eddie at Wrestlemania



Benoit: Now you tap
Batista: Oh like you will at Wrestlemania?
Benoit: Yeah...wait what?



Christian: Hi Trish, I think you're the breast wrestler...I mean, your moves are tittilating.....wait let me try this again...nice boobs




JR: Mick, do you know that you're drinking not coffee but Columbian Decaffienated coffee crystals?

Mick: ......you son of A BITCH!



Christian: ARGH I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! BOOBIES! BOOBIES! BOOBIES! BOOBIES! BOOBIES! BOOBIES! BOOBIES! BOOBIES! BOOBIES! BOOBIES!



Stacy: Whose that in the corner over there?
Vince: Oh uh no one
Stacy: Is that a cage in the ceiling?
Vince: No...its.....uh.....new lighting
Sean: I'm! Not! Telling! You! Anything! You! Don't! Already! Know!



Kane: I don't want a large Farva, I want a goddamn liter cola!



Vince: Oops I crapped my pants



Austin: Oh man I hope no one heard that...




Bischoff: Steve, help me!
Austin: c'mon Eric haven't you seen any talented wrestlers?
Bischoff: tah....lehn...thed?



The Rock really bulked up for his return...



IF YA SMELLLL EL ELE LE LEL EL...WHAT THE HOSS...IS....COOKIN

[FourFifty]

When Earl and Jazz found out Victoria was Jewish they had to help her discover the joy of Jesus Christ. Too bad the light that Victoria saw was really Sean O’Haire’s flashlight as he tried making shadow puppets.


Earl: Lita, calm down. You don’t have to sell the move that much ‘till it’s locked in.
Lita: I’m just balancing out Triple H’s no sells.


The ref thought he had it made with his view of Victoria’s ass. God knew he had it made with his view of Lita’s.


Unbeknownst to Victoria, the cyborg was adjusting her arm cannon, waiting for a reason not to shoot…


At this very moment Stevie Richards realizes that he’s Victoria’s bitch.


Stevie held on for dear life at this point. Victoria was being elevated, and she knew she could make it without Stevie… but Stevie….


Randy: Shoot that fan in the ass!
Huh!
Did I get it?
Did the gag work?


Steve watches on as Vince gets ready to violate Eric even more…


Yep, Triple H is pissed… HBK never gave HIM a reach around!


We all know Vince was going to give it to Eric in the poop-hole, but did Vince NEED to do it in the middle of the ring… Now let’s go into the heads of Evolution!
Ric: In all my years… I’ve never seen any screwjob like that….
Batisa: So that’s what I need to do to get a push.
Randy: That’s what I did to get a push.
Triple H: I so did that do his daughter last night!


Everyone backstage is so proud of Batista. He finally knows a second move!


Vince: Okay Chris, let go of the cage! You’re going to wake up Sean O’Haire!
Chris: But I’m going to get screwed out of the title!!!
Vince: No, you won’t… How about this… You get HBK in the sharpshooter, HBK reverses it, and then someone runs in to cause a disqualification… How about that Bre… Chris?
Chris: But my finisher is the crossface, not the sharpshooter…
Vince: Replace sharpshooter with crossface then… How ‘bout it?
Chris: Give me your word you’re not going to screw me!
Vince: I give you my word as a promoter.


Beniot’s wrestling career was ended shortly after Batista got distracted by a shiny object in the audience.


Chris made Batista play “Guess Who I Am” with Earl.
Earl: Woof! Woof! Suplex! Suplex!
Batista: I don’t know! I give up! You win!
Chris: You don’t even know Rick?
Basita: Flair?
Earl: Chris… more pressure on the crossface… NOW!


Hey RVD, who give Triple H a hand job last week?

[El Santo]

Not a caption but ... the WWE stole my "He's standing right behind me, isn't he?" caption. Proof POSITIVE that they're watching TPWW.net.

[FourFifty]

Trish: Are you sure you didn’t get the “toaster” caption from a few weeks ago?
Christian: Oh, no, I didn’t get it. Not at all… so I’m gonna ogle, I mean look for a little while longer and try to figure out?
Trish: Okie dokie.


JR: And if you insult my BBQ sauce one more time I’ll give you another black eye!


Next week Val Venis will jump to SmackDown to join the cruiser weights, so Trish said good-bye to him.


Ref: Break the hold! Break the hold! You’re being too stiff on her! You’re taking this angle too far!
Trish: Oh don’t worry aboot me. Vince and Hunter made me flex even more so I wouldn’t be buried.


This was Stacy’s last night with the WWE after she intruded on Vince’s invisible turn tables.


Vince smiles… For he knows that there are many fans that think the WWE may do what the fans really want for a change… Even if it is in A-Boy…


Every internet fans wishes they were Vince, and not just to improve the booking.


Kane: GoMediteraneanAvenueCommunityChestBalticAvenueIncomeTaxReadingRailroadOrientalAvenueChanceVermontAve nueJailSt.CharlesPlaceEletricCompanyStatesAvenueVirginiaAvenuePennsylvaniaRailroadSt.JamesPlaceCommu nityChestTennesseeAvenueNewYorkAvenueFreeParkingKentuckyAvenueChanceIndianaAvenueIllinoisAvenueB&OrailroadAltlanticAvenueVentorAvenueWaterWorksMarvinGardensGoToJailPacificAvenueNorthCarolinaAvenueC ommunityChestPennsylvaniaAvenueShortLineChanceParkPlaceLuxuryTaxBordawalk!
Vince: You’re still no Kurt Angle.


Steve: Vince, why are you out here?
Vince: To tell the fans that at WrestleMania XX, it will be Goldberg VS Lesnar.
Steve: You’re not telling them anything they don’t already know.
Sean: and I’m in a cage for that bit…


Things were getting tense, but at least Austin doesn’t have to eat the yucky cookie.


Vince: YOU WILL PULL MY FINGER, DAMN IT!
Eric: I won’t pull your finger!
Steve: You better pull his finger.


Vince: PULL MY GODDAMN FINGER!!!
Eric: -cough- no… -cough hack-… i won’t pull your… fing…-cough-…er….-choke-


Knowing how much the Dudley Boys are respected Brock thought he could earn some points with the fans if he 3-Ded Austin…


A few years ago this would be seen as holding up talent.


Randy: Heh, and I thought my promos were boring!

[FourFifty]

Originally Posted by El Santo Not a caption but ... the WWE stole my "He's standing right behind me, isn't he?" caption. Proof POSITIVE that they're watching TPWW.net.

LMAFO!!!!!!

[Blue Demon]

Trish's new Mortal Kombat style finisher: Wrstlemania XX symbol through the skull.

[AareDub]

Lita: We love your subs, cuz they are good to us! EAT QUIZNOS SUBS!!!
Victoria: For the love of god make it stop!!


Stevie: Great Victoria, you beat Lita. Now there will be nobody singing songs from annoying commercials
Victoria: It's showtime girls... *starts singing FFX2 commercial*

[El Santo]

Ref: "Yes! My shlong really IS this big!"
Victoria: "Nooooo! It's impossible!!!"


Victoria knew that it was a tad severe, but someone had to make sure that Lita never sung on "WWE Originals" ever again.


Ref: "Thank God for X-ray vision."


Victoria's championship was shortlived, as HHH, beginning his insidious plot to steal all the belts, sneaks in from the right-hand side.


Stevie was happy and frightened at the same time. On the one hand, he was ecstatic that Victoria was the new women's champ. On the other hand, he hoped to God that no one remembered that he was a former women's champ.


She had the belt. She had the man. Her job was done. Victoria fired off her grappling hook and escaped into the night.


As part of a daring cross promotion with Mel Gibson, Randy Orton becomes the new "Buddy Christ".


SCSA: "... I'll let you ride around in my four wheeler."
Bischoff: "Nice try, Steve, but there's no way you're getting my Toblerones."
Vince: "Mmmmm... Toblerones..."


Shawn: "Oh my God! Behind you! It's the disembodied head of Triple H! He'll make jobbers of us all!!!!!"


Ric and HHH stared in disbelief. They'd almost cornered that devious "Invisible Man" Richards, but he'd given them the slip and left all his clothes behind...


Benoit wasn't just the Greatest Technical Wrestler today, he was also Flexible, and he demonstrates it by giving Batista one hell of a kick to the groin.


Benoit proves to the fans why he deserves as shot at the World Heavyweight Title: here, he lifts a Chevy Vega over his head while forty pound weights dangle from his ... er, he's lifting a Chevy Vega. That's impressive.


Benoit: "Am I upside down, or are you right side up?"
Batista: ".... are you ... stop confusing me!!!"
Benoit: "Look, I'm walking on the floor perfectly well! Da da da daaaa..."
Batista: "Gyaaahhhhh!!!"


Batista: "Ow? Why so upset? Don't these captions always tell me to grab a Snickers?"
Benoit: "The candy, you fool! The CANDY!!!"


RVD entertains the crowd by catching grapes in his mouth. Unfortunately, some asshole threw a whole cluster, missed, and ruined it for everybody.


Christian was pleased with his new Trish Stratus blow up doll, and he was even more delighted when he found out it came with a free iPod.


Mick: "... and the moral of the story is, JR, if you go on the internet, don't tell Brock."


Trish: "Watch where that right hand's headed, buster."


Ref: *poke* "Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk!"
Christian: "Oh, wise guy, eh?!?!"


Stacy: "Uh, Vince, a little help? Rhyno's at it again...."
Vince: "God bless that Rhyno..."


Boy. This is so typical of Vince. He's surrounded by two fabulous blondes, and all he does is close his eyes and think about hosses.


As Stacy teaches Vince the secret art of rubbing your head AND patting your tummy, Jackie sneaks behind him and takes his wallet.


Later, Kane steals Vince's shirt. And he found no point being underhanded about it, either.


SCSA: "I've been wanting to say this for a long time, McMahon. You're a homo."
Vince: "... And?"


Stone Cold smiled as he looked at the first ever Monday Night War Vase.


Bischoff: "Whoa! Whoa! WHOA! Time out! Is it really worth risking life and limb for a stupid Toblerone? A stupid, sweet, delicious, creamy Toblerone?"
Vince: "THHHHEEEEYYY'RE MINE!"


Bischoff: "Too late! I ate it!"
Vince: "You'll regurgitate if you know what's good for... is that kid making kissy faces at me?"


And then, one day, Brock discovered stonecold.com.


Little did Brock know that Stone Cold was a hologram!


"Jesus Christ... he's F-5'd a non-wrestler! Enough is enough! Big O... ACTION!"

[El Santo]

Originally Posted by ketchupisyourfriend Lita: We love your subs, cuz they are good to us! EAT QUIZNOS SUBS!!! Victoria: For the love of god make it stop!! Stevie: Great Victoria, you beat Lita. Now there will be nobody singing songs from annoying commercials Victoria: It's showtime girls... *starts singing FFX2 commercial*

BWAHAHAHAH!!!

Both of these captions were gold.

[ColdwaVer]

Victoria: Pop, damn you!
Lita: That's not a zit, it's my chin!


In a tremendous swerve, Goldberg disguises himself as a referee and prepares to spear Victoria.


"Thank God, I had written my PIN number on this thing! I haven't been able to get into my bank account in a year!!!


Stevie couldn't figure out what was worse: being Victoria's bitch, or being a walking WMXX billboard.


Stevie: Well either way, I can see a definite upside to this...


HAHAHA! Hey, I get it, they look like guns! Hey Hunter, check this out!


Vince and Austin lean over to get a peek at Bischoff's new vibe...


Benoit attempts Stu Hart's old trick of finding quarters behind peoples' ears...


Evolution attempts a quadruple crotch-shot on the Titan Tron.


No caption, but damn, check out the bulge...


"Damn, I am excited...


Vince's attempt to genetically combine midcarders and main eventers went awry when he forgot which was which...


Hebner: Why do they even trust me with Canadians and submissions, anyways...


"Who controls the British crown, who keeps the metric system down, I do... I do..."


Christian: There's a magical push in this box... I was gonna give it to Jericho, but I'll give it to you if *whispers*
Trish: Well, better than doing it to Vince...


Mick's JR impression got him over further than he had ever been before...


Christian: You know, we've both had gold before, why are we doing this?
Trish: We got to close to Jericho.
Christian: Oh yeah.


The fans couldn't take the submission move seriously after seeing Trish's version of the Kama Sutra...


Vince: Everybody in the house say heeeeyyyy... hoooooo...
Stacy: Dear God, he really has lost it.


Vince: How'd you girls like to make a "me" sandwich?


We now return to "find the push" with Vince McMahon...


Kane: I SAID PULL MY FINGER!!!


Austin: It's time to tell the truth... you've been stealing my hair for years, havent you?!


In keeping with current events, Austin uses his authority as Sherriff to perform a same-sex marriage.


Austin: This would have meant something five years ago,,,


A flashing by a female fan caused both men to freeze.


Lesnar attempts to start a career as a proctologist...


...but can't seem to find the right area.


Failing proctology, Lesnar becomes WWE's "naptime enforcer."

[Shaggy]

Bichoff: after the drugs wore off I realized that it was a dog the whole time.

[Iceman90]

Mick: Jim, look what Jared did to me! He said eating Subway would ruin my gimmick.


Christian: So Trish, do you think your doc could make these as big as yours?


Vince: Eric, you don't know who you are messing with. Jackie Chan jobbed to me!


Orton: Look, I can be a Marine Again!


Bischoff: I found this picture of Linda McMahon in a thong on the internet.

Steve: Why did you show me that nasty shit?

Vince: So she actually does own more than just granny panties.


HHH forces Shawn and Chris to try out some new sex positions for him.


Evolution's reaction to the sex positions:

Batista: WOW, Shawn looks so hot like that
Orton: If I were to do that to Hunter, would I become World champ?
Flair: I wish I was that flexible
HHH: Well, I guess I could give Benoit a small push for doing that for me.


You want me to go on A DIET?!!??


Lita and Victoria team up in a match against the glass ceiling. Unfortuantly, they lost.


Victoria starts to cry when Stevie points out that she kinda looks like Chyna.

Victoria (sobbing): I don't want to have to sleep with Hunter to get over.


Benoit: Hey, nobody said I would be tied up and given a blowjob by Hunter if I wanted to be in the RAW Mania Main Event.

Hunter: Learn to like it, like everyone else on this roster has.

[Rock Bottom]

ROFL @ "Nap Time Enforcer." That better be in the Captions of the Week. Gonna take a late stab at these even though I missed RAW.

[Corkscrewed]

Originally Posted by ColdwaVer In keeping with current events, Austin uses his authority as Sherriff to perform a same-sex marriage.

OOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! That was a brilliant one. That's gonna be in this month's voting definitely!

[Nowhere Man]

Hebner: Okay, Earl. We've been through this before. We can do it this time! Just don't call for the bell, don't call for the bell, don't ca--

*calls for the bell*

DAMMIT!!!!

[Corkscrewed]

^ Deja Vu?





Even Evolution bailed out of the ring when Hudamaniacs #1 through 127 showed up to protest freedom of speech.

[ColdwaVer]

Originally Posted by Corkscrewed ^ Deja Vu?

Didn't you just say that?

[Rock Bottom]

Apparently, Rob Van Dam had hot boxed the entire arena. Jazz held Victoria up for a good puff, while the referee frantically fanned the smoke toward his face.


Victoria forcing Lita to shampoo her hair wasn't nearly as bad as Lita thought it would be, when Vic busted out the bottle of Herbal Essences.


Brock Lesnar proved that he would do anything to punish the internet moles, even go so far as to dress up as a woman.


Victoria does her best impression of Chyna realizing the WWE never had any intentions of giving her the world title.


Victoria would do anything for WWE gold, and in this case, Hunter judged it a fair trade for Victoria to bare the unholy, black "H" symbol on her chest.


The two-haded giant smiled and couldn't wait for HIS turn.


Orton picked the worst time to want to play a game of cops and robbers.


Bischoff: "But Vince, whatever you do, be careful with it. I usually don't do this but I understand you're a busy man, and want to leave Linda satisfied when you're on the road."
Vince: "So you really man this voodoo dick will just go off on its own and please my wife, by saying the command word, "voodoo dick," and directing it to the orafice she wants satisfied?"
Bischoff: "Yep."
Vince: "Thanks Eric, you're not so bad afterall."
Steve: "Voodoo dick my ass!"


Benoit had it all. He had a title run, he was going to be in the main event at Wrestlemania. He won the Royal Rumble at #1. He lasted the longest in the Royal Rumble ever. He was getting over with the fans. But Benoit was going to be buried. He knew he had no chance. There was only one thing left to do, to complete the circle.

Bite Shawn's ear.


Ric: It's a bird...
Dave: It's a plane...
Randy: It's Shawn Michaels's penis.
HHH: !!!!!!!!!!!!


Benoit could not believe that out of all people, him being one to train in Stu Hart's dungeon and master this trick along with Bret Hart, that Batista had played the most extensive o'possum ever in luring his opponents into thinking he only knew how to do spinebusters.


Triple H threw a fit, and remembered a previous conversation.

(20 minutes earlier)
Chris: Hunter, can I have the title at Wrestlemania?
Hunter: *Busts out laughing* The day you can balance yourself on your own penis, I will job you the World Title.

HHH:


Batista felt guilty seeing Benoit choke on Triple H's wad, and immediately performed anti-choking hazard maneuvers. He couldn't bare to see that happen to someone else.


Batista remembered back to HHH's pre-match pep-talk to him.

Hunter: "Just remember Dave, only tap out with your foot. No one will ever know."


RVD did his taunt, while a monkey in the stands went with the old, "Monkey see, monkey do."


Christian: Trish. Just. Please, give the captioneers a break. When you go out there this week, don't rest your hands on your knees and pose. Cleavage jokes are not good when stale.


Jim Ross was shocked, as his bastardized son confronted him with the DNA results. His son pleaded for him to go home, but JR responded like this:

(Darth Vader breathing sound) JR: It is... too late for me, my son. (revealing the WWE logo branded onto his neck) Take off my cowboy hat...

Foley: But... But you'll die. (eyes swelling up with tears)

JR: Nothing... canBAHGAWDWHATASTUNNERBYAUSTINTHEROCKISONDREAMSTREETWHATKINDOFHUMANBEINGISTHISMANBBQSAUCEUNPRETTIERG OVERNMENTMULETOUGHERTHANAWAFFLEHOUSESTEAKINALLMYYEARSINTHEBUSINESSMYGOODFRIENDSTEVEAUSTINHENEVERTAPP EDOUT... can stop that now.


Christian showed his support for "Final Fantasy X-2."


Trish felt as betrayed when Christian was forced to hold her down for the ref to pluck her chest hair.


The genetic jackhammer's sexlife was in dire straits. It was no secret that Vince was getting old, when his sight was far off enough to miss Stacy's poon by that much.


Stacy, in an attempt to invest new confidence in Vince, offered to compensate for his blindness by having her and another chick do all the work.


But when the light shone down on the fact that this was an undercover sexual harassment sting operation, Vince was embarassed.


Vince really hated going to the dentist, and did everything in his power to avoid it. Besides, if he lost his wisdom teeth, who would do all the good booking?


The authorities began to harass Vince into a confession, but the wily millionaire stood his ground and awaited his lawyer.


However, Vince was screwed when he realized his lawyer had 'hard' evidence of sodomy on tape called "Monday Night War". He knew there was no way to cover up the anal rape of the WCW.


And in the True Hollywood story, a dramatized reenactment of the scenerio took place. However, they could not afford an Austin look-alike and had to settle for the same cardboard cut-out of Austin they used in the previous shoot photo above this one.


Realizing neither one of them could put on a decent match, Vince and Bischoff exchanged a series of funny faces. However Vince had booked Jim Carrey to be in his corner for good heel heat.


Brock heard from Goldberg that Austin's shirt was calling everyone it came in contact with a "cock ear," and Lesnar retaliated rather brutally.


Vince's saying, "FINISH HIM," prompted Lesnar to F-5 Austin's head onto the WWE logo spike.

Vince: Fatality.


Brock: Steve... Don't go toward the light...
Steve: Uncle Bernie?
Brock: Steve... Come back. Don't go Steve...
Steve: Brian?
Brock: Steve! DON'T QUIT ON ME DAMNIT!
Steve: Brock's career?
Brock: ...

[Rock Bottom]

My bad for any jokes I played off of, I didn't read them all first.

[FourFifty]

Originally Posted by The Rock Bottom Triple H threw a fit, and remembered a previous conversation. (20 minutes earlier) Chris: Hunter, can I have the title at Wrestlemania? Hunter: *Busts out laughing* The day you can balance yourself on your own penis, I will job you the World Title. HHH: Brock: Steve... Don't go toward the light... Steve: Uncle Bernie? Brock: Steve... Come back. Don't go Steve... Steve: Brian? Brock: Steve! DON'T QUIT ON ME DAMNIT! Steve: Brock's career? Brock: ...

I must spread some rep before giving it to you again.... thus... I owe you a rep.

[Corkscrewed]

Even Evolution bailed when Hudamaniacs #1 through 127 entered the ring to protest freedom of speech.



(I coulda sworn I'd posted this one yesterday...)

[V]

Originally Posted by Paul Carrington Mick: Hey I'll tell you how I feel They punched me Kicked me th- JR: Stunner! Mick: No they didn't stunner me bu- JR: Governed mule! Mick:...umm anyways I don't remember to muc- JR: Bah gawd!! Mick: Lemme finish I remem- JR: Sorry fans I don't mean to be biased but this man is a stain on the underwear of life *Mick does his double arm DDT* JR: John cena with the Rock bottom!

oh my god

[King Jericho]

Hunters latest fantasy after seeing Mel Gibsons 'The Passion of the Christ'

[loopydate]

What? So, I'm only five days late with these...



After one of her projection cameras was badly damaged, her invisibility wore off, and conspiracy theorists throughout wrestling fandom were proven right. There WAS no Invisible Crucifix! It was Jazz all along!



VICTORIA: Stop! Doing! Your! DONKEY IMPRESSION!
LITA: Hee-HAW! Ee-YAW!



Lisa Varon's new "Brocktoria" gimmick didn't quite catch on. Neither did her "Here Comes The Pink" catchphrase.



But that didn't stop the WWE Booking Committee from slapping a belt on her.



STEVIE: Wait...if she's Brocktoria, what does that make me?
MUSIC: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeell...it's the Big Steve!
STEVIE: Oh, you're shitting me...
MUSIC: Yes, it's the big man's Steve toni-i-ight...



And in a massive swerve, the Big Steve declares himself the #1 contender with a huge body-and-leg Tazplex!



ORTON: Pull!



ERIC: Yeah, so I helped Steph fish this out of her--
STEVE: Yeeeeeees?
ERIC: Vince is right behind me again, isn't he?



CHRIS: Can you believe that loopydate's "Nope" thing has caught on as a running gag?
SHAWN: Nope.
CHRIS: NOT YOU, TOO!
SHAWN: Nope.



While the rest of Evolution watches the in-ring action intently, Ric's fiber intake catches up with him.



BATISTA: Psst, Chris. Austin promised me that I wouldn't get buried after he kicked my ass a couple of months back, and then I was. Do I have your assurance that if I job here, I'll get at least an Intercontinental Title run?
CHRIS: Sure thing, Dan.
BATISTA: Uh...



CHRIS: What the f--when did they install a Glass Wall?



Benoit was grateful that Dave caught him after that bastard Triple H wanted to "show him something in the rafters."



EARL: C-c-CORNBREAD, dammit!
CHRIS: Don't tell me they have you doing the Tourette's angle now?
EARL: ********MOTHER********MOTHER****!



RVD never could get that "Word Life" hand thing right.



CHRISTIAN: Okay. Now I'm going to blindfold you...
TRISH: Oh, no. I've fallen for THIS before!
CHRISTIAN: No, no. We're going to play "Pin the Tail on the Donkey."
TRISH: Oh. Well, I guess that's better than "Pin the Pickle Down Trish's Thr--"
CHRISTIAN: Or we could just watch TV or something.



JR: And you say this happened because you took Stacker 2 - Ephedra Free while you were drinking a YJ Stinger while playing Final Fantasy X-2?
MICK: Yeah. And I was wearing Lugz and listening to my JVC Tower of Power!



TRISH: No, I'm not going to trust you! President Bush says that "X"es are evil!
CHRISTIAN: No, he says there's an "Axis of Evil."
TRISH: What?



REF: Hey, let go!
CHRISTIAN: Are you kidding? This is the last time in my career Vince will ever let me be over a Diva!



VINCE: I think that table's missing a couple of le--oh, hi Stacy!



STACY: Now, Vince...
Squirt.
JACKIE: What was that?



JACKIE: Stace, I think the little squeak we heard came from back here...



VINCE: I'm Vince McMahon, dammit! Nobody rides my coattails!
KANE: I'm holding your collar.
VINCE: I'M VINCE MCMAHON, DAMMIT!



JR: My watch broke, King? Can you tell me what time it is?
KING: Well, apparently it's...oh...six years ago.



STEVE: Heh. We're taking time away from Matt Hardy...



STEVE: ...and Jindrak and Cade...



ERIC: *Gack!* Don't forget...Tommy Dreamer!



STEVE: Ooh, good one, Eric! And the Tag Team Champions!
BROCK: D-dri-drink b-beer? Drink beer? STEVE'S SHIRT SWORE!



BROCK: YOU'RE WEARING A BAD SHIRT, MISTER!



BROCK: F-fo-fock f-fe-fear? Io'ntgetit...

[Penner]

Even though Austin was lifted in the air, he still went for Brock's wallet


How come you get a shirt and I have to stand here half naked?


Vince tried to impress the ladies by showing how long his cock is

Originally Posted by loopydate JR: And you say this happened because you took Stacker 2 - Ephedra Free while you were drinking a YJ Stinger while playing Final Fantasy X-2? MICK: Yeah. And I was wearing Lugz and listening to my JVC Tower of Power! STEVE: Heh. We're taking time away from Matt Hardy... STEVE: ...and Jindrak and Cade... ERIC: *Gack!* Don't forget...Tommy Dreamer! STEVE: Ooh, good one, Eric! And the Tag Team Champions! BROCK: D-dri-drink b-beer? Drink beer? STEVE'S SHIRT SWORE!

I liked the Foley One the Best. Late is Better then Never loopy.