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Old 05-05-2008, 01:17 AM   #1
Dorkchop
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WWE wrestlers have to piss like retards now
From the headlines section:

Quote:
According to a new report by PWInsider, WWE wrestlers who underwent drug testing as part of the company's Wellness Policy this week were confronted with more rigorous testing conditions.

For those unaware, past tests saw wrestlers urinate into a vial at a urinal, but starting this past week male performers were required to provide a sample in full view of those representing Aegis Science (the firm that tests WWE's urine samples). Wrestlers, both male and female, were also required to drop their pants at least down to their knees and pull their shirts up above their nipples.

These new testing procedures were believed to be adapted to help prevent talent from taking advantage of the procedures by using cheating devices. The word making the rounds among WWE wrestlers was that an incident had sparked the more strict testing procedures, but no one is reportedly quite sure what that situation entailed or if was something that never happened to begin with.

Either way, the belief at this point is that at least one WWE developmental talent who has since been released by the company had been caught trying to cheat when giving a urine sample. However, considering nothing could be confirmed at this time it is simply being regarded as a "story making the rounds" among talent. Whether it was based on a fact or a rumor, it was serious enough to cause changes in the testing procedures for all talent.
I had a few handicapped kids in my elementary school, and they all peed like that.

Does anyone give a crap about the wellness policy? I don't. The idea behind it would be great if WWE didn't implement it for the wrong reasons. I'd rather no one be on roids, but who really gives a shit? It's a fake sport. Something does need to be done. Too many people are dying too young.
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Old 05-05-2008, 01:19 AM   #2
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No........... No. Victoria, your shirt has to be pulled up to your nipples. Yeah that's right
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Old 05-05-2008, 01:40 AM   #3
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Sounds ridiculous.

Professional Wrestling is fake. It's like drug testing circus performers or stunt doubles in movies.

If these grown men and women (who make thousands/sometimes millions of dollars, have homes, wives and children) cannot take care of themselves and make wise choices for the betterment of their own health... then maybe they deserve to die young.
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Old 05-05-2008, 01:42 AM   #4
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this is a terrible week for wrestling
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Old 05-05-2008, 01:54 AM   #5
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BRB. I'm gonna go get a job at Aegis Science.
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Old 05-05-2008, 03:01 AM   #6
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Pfft I had to take a drug test like this to work at freakin' TARGET once...
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Old 05-05-2008, 04:33 AM   #7
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Did you then ROID Rage when you didn't get the job and put a crossface on the HR guy?
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Old 05-05-2008, 06:21 AM   #8
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I would have major issues with this. I don't use drugs, but this is ridiculous. I don't let people watch me piss -- can anyone say "sexual harassment"? If there's one thing the world should have learned from South Park, it's that saying "The ends justify the means" is an incredibly bullshit theory. It's one thing to act like you suspect everyone you hire of being a drug addict; it's another thing to act like fucking Hitler.
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Old 05-05-2008, 06:28 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dorkchop View Post
No........... No. Victoria, your shirt has to be pulled up to your nipples. Yeah that's right
I need to get a job there.
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Old 05-05-2008, 07:21 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. JL View Post
Sounds ridiculous.

Professional Wrestling is fake. It's like drug testing circus performers or stunt doubles in movies.

If these grown men and women (who make thousands/sometimes millions of dollars, have homes, wives and children) cannot take care of themselves and make wise choices for the betterment of their own health... then maybe they deserve to die young.
On the other hand, Circuses and even the stunt workers' unions aren't publically traded companies.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Afterlife View Post
I would have major issues with this. I don't use drugs, but this is ridiculous. I don't let people watch me piss -- can anyone say "sexual harassment"? If there's one thing the world should have learned from South Park, it's that saying "The ends justify the means" is an incredibly bullshit theory. It's one thing to act like you suspect everyone you hire of being a drug addict; it's another thing to act like fucking Hitler.

LOL sexual harrassment.

LOL Hitler.
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Old 05-05-2008, 07:34 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. JL View Post
Sounds ridiculous.

Professional Wrestling is fake. It's like drug testing circus performers or stunt doubles in movies.

If these grown men and women (who make thousands/sometimes millions of dollars, have homes, wives and children) cannot take care of themselves and make wise choices for the betterment of their own health... then maybe they deserve to die young.
1 - If circus performers and stunt doubles were dropping like flies from drug deaths, they should be tested.

2 - Deserve to die? Tell their wives and kids that.
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Old 05-05-2008, 07:57 AM   #12
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Could anybody actually piss in that condition?

It must be working. When I saw Big Dave and HHH at backlash, I thought I turn the widescreen option off on my TV.

And nobody seems to have died recently, apart from Jeff HARVEY's dog, of course.
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Old 05-05-2008, 08:18 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fabien Barthez View Post
And nobody seems to have died recently, apart from Jeff HARVEY's dog, of course.



I'm not laughing at the bit about Jeff's dog. Just the whole "Nobody seems to have died recently." I do very much hope you were joking about that correlation.
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Old 05-05-2008, 08:29 AM   #14
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Should I edit in some roll eyes, just so your in no doubt, KK?

Or how about the shifties?
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Old 05-05-2008, 08:41 AM   #15
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Can never be too sure, with some of your more recent comments.
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Old 05-05-2008, 08:52 AM   #16
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Pot and Kettle, you cheeky bastard.
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Old 05-05-2008, 09:16 AM   #17
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You can say that, but really, the difference is when I say it, it's true.
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Old 05-05-2008, 09:33 AM   #18
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You can say that, but really, the difference is this is generally the way I win an argument.
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Old 05-05-2008, 10:00 AM   #19
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I watched the WCCW dvd last night. This really changed my mind when it comes to drug tests and the wellness program. I should be taking Test's side of the argument here and say that since it's not a sport it shouldn't matter. However, now that I know a little bit more about what drugs can do for a company, and a family, I'm all for any kind of drug testing the WWE wants to do.

With that in mind, I hope they're testing the writer's also.
And why the hell do the shirts have to be above the nipples?

FREEBIRDS RULE!!!!!!!!!
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Old 05-05-2008, 10:29 AM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dorkchop View Post
Does anyone give a crap about the wellness policy? I don't. The idea behind it would be great if WWE didn't implement it for the wrong reasons. I'd rather no one be on roids, but who really gives a shit?
You do realize that they don't only test for roids but also drugs and pain killers, right?

While roids aren't as big of a concern, the fact that the lifestyle tends to lead to drugs and painkillers pretty much warrents the tests.

The procedure may sound retarded (though it's smart from a piss-smuggling stand point), and the real tests may have started because of public pressure, but it's for the best.
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Old 05-05-2008, 11:37 AM   #21
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Fabe, Fabe, Fabe...I usually "win arguments" because the other guy says something stupid or ridiculous, like changing my argument to one where I affirmatively state what the future Metallica record will sound like.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Xero Limit 126 View Post
You do realize that they don't only test for roids but also drugs and pain killers, right?

While roids aren't as big of a concern, the fact that the lifestyle tends to lead to drugs and painkillers pretty much warrents the tests.

The procedure may sound retarded (though it's smart from a piss-smuggling stand point), and the real tests may have started because of public pressure, but it's for the best.

Drugs aren't necessarily a concern because of the business. The type of people who tend towards wrestling tend to have addictive personalities. Lumping a bunch of those people into the same lockerroom and then letting them go on their merry is certainly a bad idea, but wrestling doesn't necessarily cause it. Nor do we see the rate of painkiller addiction in other sports.

However, again, when you have a culture or subculture that tends towards addiction, and you're a publically traded company, you're a moron if you don't take this shit seriously. That's why Vince and company were up before Congress. They lied to their shareholders. They lied to the feds. And now they've got to defend themselves. It won't happen, but Vince could lose virtually everything because of the shit he's been pulling.

And you're right. It makes sense from a piss smuggling perspective. And since this is a new policy, I have to wonder how many people have been caught trying to fake the tests. In other words, maybe the wrestlers brought it on themselves? Hard to believe that when a fifth of the roster are on masking agents and getting drugs from shady mail-order pharmacies that they can't be trusted, but maybe...Just maybe...There's a legit reason behind this?
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Old 05-05-2008, 11:50 AM   #22
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Fabe, Fabe, Fabe...I usually "win arguments" because the other guy says something stupid or ridiculous, like changing my argument to one where I affirmatively state what the future Metallica record will sound like.

OMG!!!

You can't take any ribbing at all!

I imagine you saying all this stuff like Cartman in the Warcraft episode. When he is instructing the others what to do.
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Old 05-05-2008, 01:52 PM   #23
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OMG!!!

You can't take any ribbing at all!

I imagine you saying all this stuff like Cartman in the Warcraft episode. When he is instructing the others what to do.
Ok, Its creepy enough that I am watching it, but I find it so fucking creepy, that as you said that, the dude who plays the n00b killer showed up on the screen.
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Old 05-05-2008, 01:59 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Afterlife View Post
I would have major issues with this. I don't use drugs, but this is ridiculous. I don't let people watch me piss -- can anyone say "sexual harassment"? If there's one thing the world should have learned from South Park, it's that saying "The ends justify the means" is an incredibly bullshit theory. It's one thing to act like you suspect everyone you hire of being a drug addict; it's another thing to act like fucking Hitler.
I agree with everything you said until you invoked the name of Hitler... In the world of argument invoking the name of Hitler means you automaticlly lose.
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Old 05-05-2008, 02:02 PM   #25
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Sounds perverted.....like slim implemented it.
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Old 05-05-2008, 02:17 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Xero Limit 126 View Post
You do realize that they don't only test for roids but also drugs and pain killers, right?

While roids aren't as big of a concern, the fact that the lifestyle tends to lead to drugs and painkillers pretty much warrents the tests.

The procedure may sound retarded (though it's smart from a piss-smuggling stand point), and the real tests may have started because of public pressure, but it's for the best.
I do realize that, but all the media cares about are roids. It's the first illegal substance you think of when wrestling is mentioned. Posting this thread was one of the last things I did before I went to bed so I was very brief. Painkillers and other drugs are a serious issue in pro wrestling. Just look how messed up Kurt Angle was in 2005.

I always think of Batista when I hear about the wellness policy for some reason. How has he not been suspended yet?

Even if they only started this because the media was on their ass, I hope WWE can continue this and change the business for the better.
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Old 05-05-2008, 02:19 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by Fabien Barthez View Post
OMG!!!

You can't take any ribbing at all!

I imagine you saying all this stuff like Cartman in the Warcraft episode. When he is instructing the others what to do.
Whatever helps you cope, I guess....
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Old 05-05-2008, 02:22 PM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. JL View Post
Sounds ridiculous.

Professional Wrestling is fake. It's like drug testing circus performers or stunt doubles in movies.
Circus Owner: I'm sorry, you've tested positive for steroids.
Circus Midget:
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Old 05-05-2008, 02:26 PM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rob View Post
1 - If circus performers and stunt doubles were dropping like flies from drug deaths, they should be tested.
And what about the FLEAS that are dropping dead n the circus? Nobody seems to care about them!!!
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Old 05-05-2008, 02:26 PM   #30
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Originally Posted by DarthTedious View Post
Circus Owner: I'm sorry, you've tested positive for steroids.
Circus Midget:
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Old 05-05-2008, 02:28 PM   #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dorkchop View Post
I do realize that, but all the media cares about are roids.
False.

Quote:
It's the first illegal substance you think of when wrestling is mentioned.
It's the first illegal substance you think of when wrestling is mentioned? Perhaps this isn't a problem with the media....

And FFS, when guys like Chavo and the Hurricane are juicing, maybe there's a reason you think "steroids" when you think "wrestling."

If Benoit's bizarre murder/murder/suicide had the symptoms of another drug, they would have pursued it. Well, not Fox, because they don't care about things like "reporting," but the facts really did point to steroids.
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Old 05-05-2008, 07:30 PM   #32
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dorkchop View Post
I always think of Batista when I hear about the wellness policy for some reason. How has he not been suspended yet?


It was either this or the picture of it...

I didn't want to cause mental scarring.
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Old 05-05-2008, 07:37 PM   #33
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Originally Posted by Dorkchop View Post
I always think of Batista when I hear about the wellness policy for some reason. How has he not been suspended yet?
A lot of them have "legal" *wink, wink* prescriptions. That goes for painkillers too.

Which is another problem with their testing. I believe the MLB does allow prescriptions, but I think there is a certain number that they can't exceed in the testing and WWE is at least twice, maybe more than that number.
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Old 05-05-2008, 07:40 PM   #34
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Also, I wouldn't Doubt that Dave tested under an assumed name, like Gregory Helms.

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Old 05-05-2008, 08:08 PM   #35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Xero Limit 126 View Post
A lot of them have "legal" *wink, wink* prescriptions. That goes for painkillers too.

Which is another problem with their testing. I believe the MLB does allow prescriptions, but I think there is a certain number that they can't exceed in the testing and WWE is at least twice, maybe more than that number.
WWE's number is outrageously high, at least for steroids. I don't remember it offhand. I don't know their theshold for other drugs, either.
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Old 05-06-2008, 12:45 AM   #36
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Show Off View Post
I agree with everything you said until you invoked the name of Hitler... In the world of argument invoking the name of Hitler means you automaticlly lose.
In a literal sense, perhaps. But lunatic tyranny is lunatic tyranny. If you've got a problem with an individual, you deal with the individual as you see fit; you do not start treating all of your people like they're less than human.

I apologize if my hyperbole of Hitler led you to disregard my point, but this kind of authoritative recklessness really infuriates me.
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Old 05-06-2008, 06:46 AM   #37
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fallen Angel View Post
Ok, Its creepy enough that I am watching it, but I find it so fucking creepy, that as you said that, the dude who plays the n00b killer showed up on the screen.
If you shut your curtains, this 'coincidence' would never have occured.
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Old 05-06-2008, 08:11 AM   #38
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Afterlife View Post
In a literal sense, perhaps. But lunatic tyranny is lunatic tyranny. If you've got a problem with an individual, you deal with the individual as you see fit; you do not start treating all of your people like they're less than human.

I apologize if my hyperbole of Hitler led you to disregard my point, but this kind of authoritative recklessness really infuriates me.
First they came for the drug addicts. And I did not speak out because I was not a drug addict.
Then they came for the alcoholics. And I did not speak out because I was not an alcoholic.
Then they came for the homosexuals. And I did not speak out because I was not a homosexual.
And then they came for me....

No, but seriously, your use of Hitler is exactly why people consider it to be an instant loss in a discussion of any sort. It was a disproportionate comparison which relies on one of the most evil men in history, and for what? To compare to people who have to piss with their shirts up?
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Old 05-06-2008, 12:24 PM   #39
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So great another WWE topic on ESPN programming when there is a slow news day on Jim Rome is Burning, Around the Horn, and Pardon the Interruption.
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Old 05-06-2008, 05:10 PM   #40
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kane Knight View Post
First they came for the drug addicts. And I did not speak out because I was not a drug addict.
Then they came for the alcoholics. And I did not speak out because I was not an alcoholic.
Then they came for the homosexuals. And I did not speak out because I was not a homosexual.
And then they came for me....

No, but seriously, your use of Hitler is exactly why people consider it to be an instant loss in a discussion of any sort. It was a disproportionate comparison which relies on one of the most evil men in history, and for what? To compare to people who have to piss with their shirts up?
But that's what hyperbole is: disproportionate comparrison. That was kind of the idea. And I'm not trying to "win" anything, I was just making a point.
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