WWE Armageddon Captions

[Corkscrewed]

(A couple of these are purposefully out of order, just a bit)


Booker T was so desperate he'd look anywhere for his push.


(I'm really not sure what's going on in that pic.)

WWE Genetics Testing returns as the company unveils a Booker T/Mark Henry hybrid that can touch his chin to his knee!


Mick was just as horrified as the rest of the fans when Stacy turned heel and scalped Marge Simpson.


The boot stealers strike again.


One-upping Cade, Mick Foley transcends boot theft and steals Stacy's panties--without her knowing--while she's in his arms.
Another reason Mick is DA MAN.

OR

Stacy had the most peculiar feeling she'd forgotten to put something on, but couldn't quite pinpoint what it was.


Occassionally, the Ortonbot 2000 would short circuit and spasm, and Mick would have to wait an exhausting five minutes for it to right itself again and continue its promo.


That was the last time Mick slept in the middle of a bike path during a marathon.


RVD tried to see if the Ortonbot 2000 would respond to his commands. Unfortunately, it just bit off his right hand and stood there.


The Ortonbot 2000 also has a built-in anti-drug program that punishes pot abusers.


Furthermore, the Ortonbot 2000 is a terrific dancer, as shown by this piroette.


Flair: ..................................... UH, OH!


"And I give TWO to the new WWE Triple H horror movie."


The fans didn't get it. Orton was gazing up, saying, "Ooooooo... shiny...." like a little kid, but the gold part was on the other side.


The Ortonbot 2000 is yours for only ten easy payments of $159.99 plus your soul, written to the name of Paul Levesque. Stylish gold utility belt not included.


Chris and Trish both looked at the ref quizzically.
Chris: "Um... buddy? You okay?"
Trish: "I told you you shouldn't have looked the other way when he found RVD's stash!"


Trish broke up her recent string of great ringwork by botching the Tarantula horribly.

OR

To ensure that they get a massive face pop no matter what, the WWE had Chris and Trish adopt a new Cirque du Soleil gimmick.


Christian was too busy celebrating, but Jericho looked on in horror as the ring suddenly turned into quicksand upon the fact that the two had just picked up an actual victory.


Batista could never get over the fact that Shawn ate the last slice of Domino's Philly Cheese Steak Pizza.


Batista: "Spit it out!!! SPIT IT OUT!!!!"


Yup, Dave was determined to get that last slice out, one end or the other.


Matt points out how many pushes a year his new contract enables him.


You don't see superheros supported by SHIT that much these days...

OR

The referee angrily shook his fist as Rosie and Hurricane tried to escape through the glass ceiling.


Lance wasn't too keen on the idea of Val wrestling in a slit miniskirt, but then again, he was actually getting pushed in this angle, so who was he to complain?


Ultimately, the absurdity of his current career proved too much for him, and Lance decided to jump. Unfortunately, Cade was there to stop him.
Garrison: "If we have to suffer through meaningless angles without real gimmicks, you're staying here with us!"


Having sold his soul to Triple H (in return for an Ortonbot 2000 of their own), Cade was put in charge of forcing people to kneel before the Altar of Helmsley.


Steiner (looking at his bicep): "Oh, its doing that THING again!"


And the field goal is......... GOOD!!!!


Both Kane and Triple H looked at Goldberg with with an expression of bewilderment after he suddenly shouted out, "That's it! 'BELT!' That's what B-E-L-T spells!!!"


Kane: "Pinned"
Goldberg: "Buh?"
Kane: "Pinned"
Goldberg: "Puh."
Kane: "Dammit, that's the last time I volunteer for the WWE Tutor a Wrestler program."


JR: "Buh gawd! Goldberg's carrying Triple H in the match!"
King: "I'd say Triple H is holding Goldberg down."
JR: "Half empty, half full. Whatever."


Kane's resignation letter to the Tutor a Wrestler program was emphatic.


The damn table never stood a chance with the weight of those two egos. Poor thing.


Steven Richards tried to do a run-in, but a prescient Kane countered the interferrence with an elevated groing grab.


Faced with the prospect of counting the 1-2-3 and declaring Triple the winner AGAIN, the ref couldn't help it and vomitted.


Triple H and his Ortonbot 2000 looked on in horror when Ric Flair accidentally tore Hunter's leg off by the quad.

[Mike the Metal Ed]

@ Ortonbot and Tutor a Wrestler.

[Nowhere Man]

I refuse to caption that PPV, as it was utter dog-shit. The ONLY bright side to the entire evening was Booker T beating Mark Henry.

[Corkscrewed]

LOL. Well, one less person to outshine me then.

[QUOTE=Corkscrewed]


The damn table never stood a chance with the weight of those two egos. Poor thing.




Faced with the prospect of counting the 1-2-3 and declaring Triple the winner AGAIN, the ref couldn't help it and vomitted.QUOTE]

Nice!!!

I think I might wait for Raw to do some captions.

[loopydate]

The fans had their doubts that he could do it, but Booker came through on his pre-match guarantee that he could Alabamaslam Mark Henry.



Seeing how that racist Wrestling God Triple H couldn't tell them apart anyway, he merely merged Booker T and Mark Henry into one big depushed African-American blob.



Now entering the ring, the WWE/McDonald's Cross-Promotion Tag Team Champions of the Wooooooooorld...Stacy Keibler...and the Blue Fry Guy!



STACY: Mick, does it feel drafty in here?



Sure, he was a cocky heel, but the crowd always got a kick out of Randy Orton's Sammy Davis Jr. impression.



Officials tried to keep the crowd calm as the rabid zebra got in the ring and began devouring equipment.



RVD: I am not the pothead you're looking for.
ORTON: You are not the pothead I'm looking for.
RVD: Move along.
ORTON: Move along.



Okay, so the Sammy Davis impression was good, but the crowd just went nuts when Orton pulled out his WWE action figure impression.



Flair reacts to the referee's pants slipping. In a related story, look for Lance Storm's "ref hater" gimmick to begin tonight on RAW.



RVD shockingly turned heel by giving the old "moose antlers and nyah nyah nyah" taunt to the crowd.



Orton was happy about the win and all, but...he REALLY had to go!



Link had done it. By putting the Intercontinental Crystal in the Orton Statue's hands, he could now access the Tower of the Gods.



Orton put the belt on a little too vigorously and found out, to his horror, that it was filled with grape jam.



REF: Hey! A cammer!
Y2J: Can you believe they gave us the redneck ref again?
REF: Hey! Take mah pitcher! Ma, look! It's a cammer!
TRISH: Stop calling me "Ma."



The cameraman knew he was screwed. No one had kicked out of Chris and Trish's Catapult Van Terminator yet.



As Christian celebrated a tag team victory and a fan held up a Mankind sign, Y2J was struck by an odd feeling. Was this 2003 or 2000?



Batista knew that, even though she was on SmackDown, Shaniqua was still looking for parts for her monster. Shawn Michaels' throat, though old, should do nicely...



DAVE: Maybe this will work...



Worst. German suplex. Ever.



Matt always lost the "Guess How Many Fingers The Fans are Holding Up" game.



The ref was pissed. He had just bought that superhero kite, and now it was all caught up on the top rope!



VAL: Lucky bastard.
LANCE: What?
VAL: You got a real girl, I got this stupid cardboard cut-out.



Cade tried the whole superglue prank thing, and this was the result. Stupid rookie...



Garrison Cade heard about the whole "steal people's body parts for Shaniqua's monster" thing, but failed to realize that she was still working on the upper body. Stupid rookie...



In a massive swerve, Test and Bubba Ray pooled their talents to take out the cornerpost.



Dr. Strangelove thought that working out would give him better control over that pesky arm. He was wrong.



DAVE: Let me get this right. I'm a freakin' monster who has feuded with Goldberg and Shawn Michaels, and my first taste of gold is teaming with this old fart?



GOLDBERG: Kuh uh Truh?
KANE: That's right. Kane and Triple H.
GOLDBERG: Ruh?
HHH: Yep, and the ref.



GOLDBERG: Wuh.
KANE: You have to learn to stop when you're ahead.



Bill was going to help his friend Booker. One way or the other, the Glass Ceiling was coming down TONIGHT.



Goldberg unveiled a shocking FOURTH move when he countered the chokeslam into a corkscrew tornado DDT...



...and promptly self-destructed.



KANE: Heh heh heh. Live long and prosper, motherf***er...



REF: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You animals! Damn you! You gave him back the belt! Damn youuuuuuuuuu!



RIC: Trips, I don't know about this...
HHH: Do it, Ric!
RANDY: Are you sure about this? I don't think ripping your leg off and entering it in the Women's Division will go over too well.
HHH: Why the hell not?
DAVE: Well, your leg isn't a woman.
HHH: It doesn't have a penis, does it?
Beat
ALL: Good point.

[moshingfreak]

RVD: Stop...In The Name Of Love, Before You Break My Heart

I cant be bothered doin any more

[El Santo]

As the crowd settles in for the final match, the anticipation escalates. The "Stupid N00b" faction, once thought dead, has pulled together a few shocking upsets.

Earlier in the evening, STONECOLDSTUNNERS incomprehensibly won the Intercontinental Title. Afterwards, the tag team of DARK_KANE and ELEMENTS picked up the Tag Team Title after a run-in from TRIPLE H --- who was shockingly revealed to be their MENTOR, their SECRETLY ADOPTED STEPFATHER, and their PERSONAL SAVIOR.

The last match, the defending World Heavyweight Champion CORKSCREWED vs. EL SANTO, no one expects El Santo to actually win. He has, after all, been out of action the previous week due to a bout of FLU, which has been declared an EPIDEMIC in FIFTY STATES; and, in the meantime, he's been FILMING. Filming his dog Woofy, that is. And by "dog", I mean "pet rock".

But, as Corkscrewed waits in the ring, a tanker truck crashes through the entranceway, with El Santo driving!

El Santo: "Surrender to El Mascarada de Plata!"

Corkscrewed: "NEVAAARRRRR!!!"

About fifteen minutes pass as El Santo hooks a novelty-sized fire hose to the tanker nozzle. During this time, Corkscrewed could have a) run out of the ring, or b) attacked El Santo, but in true WWE fashion, just stands around, looking on confusedly.

And, suddenly, El Santo sprays him, full force, with a few hundred gallons of SALSA! Then tops it off with SOUR CREAM, CHIVES, and FRESHLY GROUND BLACK PEPPER. As Corkscrewed lays on the ground, El Santo proceeds to TOP IT OFF with CILANTRO.

He then pins Corkscrewed for the three count. The "Stupid N00bs" capture all the belts! The "Stupid N00bs" capture all the belts!

Meanwhile, the WWE saves money by hiring mollusks as writers.

[El Santo]

Dr. Strangelove thought that working out would give him better control over that pesky arm. He was wrong. KANE: Heh heh heh. Live long and prosper, motherf***er...

[Vega]

Booker T made up his mind. He was going to get rid of that hemorrhoid, even if he was going to have to remove it himself.

[tuk420]

Thousands of people felt violently ill, as seconds later Mark Henry took a big bite out of Booker's ass.


As the rope dug into the camel toe, Stacy knew she forgot something.


Orton: I AM NOT wearing Stacy's panties.
Mick: Sure you're not.


That had done it, Flair was finally so old that he found himself unable to blink.


Orton held on with all his might, as the wrestling gods, in a attempt to make things right, pulled the belt away from him.


Orton is visited by the Ghost of Christmas Past.


Y2J: So what you're saying is that since it's almost 2004 that my Y2J gimmick doesn't make sense?
Trish: Yup.
Ref: Dumbass.


Trish would do almost anything to get that recently elusive cleavage shot.


Val gets caught peeping Lance Storm's meat.


Kane didn't realize that when he did his Austin impression he actually had to look for flying beer cans.


Batista was secretly happy knowing that it was going to be a sweaty, happy locker room in a few minutes.

[Corkscrewed]

Paul Heyman, the panty thief, strikes again!

Originally Posted by El Santo As the crowd settles in for the final match, the anticipation escalates. The "Stupid N00b" faction, once thought dead, has pulled together a few shocking upsets. Earlier in the evening, STONECOLDSTUNNERS incomprehensibly won the Intercontinental Title. Afterwards, the tag team of DARK_KANE and ELEMENTS picked up the Tag Team Title after a run-in from TRIPLE H --- who was shockingly revealed to be their MENTOR, their SECRETLY ADOPTED STEPFATHER, and their PERSONAL SAVIOR. The last match, the defending World Heavyweight Champion CORKSCREWED vs. EL SANTO, no one expects El Santo to actually win. He has, after all, been out of action the previous week due to a bout of FLU, which has been declared an EPIDEMIC in FIFTY STATES; and, in the meantime, he's been FILMING. Filming his dog Woofy, that is. And by "dog", I mean "pet rock". But, as Corkscrewed waits in the ring, a tanker truck crashes through the entranceway, with El Santo driving! El Santo: "Surrender to El Mascarada de Plata!" Corkscrewed: "NEVAAARRRRR!!!" About fifteen minutes pass as El Santo hooks a novelty-sized fire hose to the tanker nozzle. During this time, Corkscrewed could have a) run out of the ring, or b) attacked El Santo, but in true WWE fashion, just stands around, looking on confusedly. And, suddenly, El Santo sprays him, full force, with a few hundred gallons of SALSA! Then tops it off with SOUR CREAM, CHIVES, and FRESHLY GROUND BLACK PEPPER. As Corkscrewed lays on the ground, El Santo proceeds to TOP IT OFF with CILANTRO. He then pins Corkscrewed for the three count. The "Stupid N00bs" capture all the belts! The "Stupid N00bs" capture all the belts! Meanwhile, the WWE saves money by hiring mollusks as writers.

J.R. "OMG, Look King.....Out of the crowd, it's Loose Cannon with a chair.

King, "Someone stop that Captioning Psychopath"

Cannon gets into the ring and takes out El Santo with a chair shot as Santo is holding up the World Title. He then picks up the title and smashes it right into El Santo's face. Cannon rolls out of the ring, jumps the barrier and runs through the crowd with the title.

King, "Someone call the cops, he's a thief."

J.R., "What a night, Corkscrewed was defeated by Stupid NOOB member, El Santo, for the World Title, then iout of nowhere Loose Cannon attacks Santo and takes off with HIS World Title. BAH GAWD, BAH GAWD, BAH GAWD, King"


"What will happen next"

[Corkscrewed]

Originally Posted by El Santo As the crowd settles in for the final match, the anticipation escalates. The "Stupid N00b" faction, once thought dead, has pulled together a few shocking upsets. Earlier in the evening, STONECOLDSTUNNERS incomprehensibly won the Intercontinental Title. Afterwards, the tag team of DARK_KANE and ELEMENTS picked up the Tag Team Title after a run-in from TRIPLE H --- who was shockingly revealed to be their MENTOR, their SECRETLY ADOPTED STEPFATHER, and their PERSONAL SAVIOR. The last match, the defending World Heavyweight Champion CORKSCREWED vs. EL SANTO, no one expects El Santo to actually win. He has, after all, been out of action the previous week due to a bout of FLU, which has been declared an EPIDEMIC in FIFTY STATES; and, in the meantime, he's been FILMING. Filming his dog Woofy, that is. And by "dog", I mean "pet rock". But, as Corkscrewed waits in the ring, a tanker truck crashes through the entranceway, with El Santo driving! El Santo: "Surrender to El Mascarada de Plata!" Corkscrewed: "NEVAAARRRRR!!!" About fifteen minutes pass as El Santo hooks a novelty-sized fire hose to the tanker nozzle. During this time, Corkscrewed could have a) run out of the ring, or b) attacked El Santo, but in true WWE fashion, just stands around, looking on confusedly. And, suddenly, El Santo sprays him, full force, with a few hundred gallons of SALSA! Then tops it off with SOUR CREAM, CHIVES, and FRESHLY GROUND BLACK PEPPER. As Corkscrewed lays on the ground, El Santo proceeds to TOP IT OFF with CILANTRO. He then pins Corkscrewed for the three count. The "Stupid N00bs" capture all the belts! The "Stupid N00bs" capture all the belts! Meanwhile, the WWE saves money by hiring mollusks as writers.

JR: "Baw gawd, Corkscrewed's buried alive!! I can't believe it! I can't believe it!!!! He's dead! He's dead! He's dead!"

Fade out.

=============
=============
=============

Several months later, the next time the WWE is at the same arena, El Santo is in the middle of the ring giving a promo.

El Santo: "And the STUPID NOOB faction will live fore--"

Suddenly, the ring splits open as a mound of sour cream and salsa splurts out from under the ring through the opening. A hand suddenly shoots out. El Santo looks on in horror.

El Santo: "No! NO! It can't be!"

Corkscrewed, rising up from the mess smelling like nachos, emerges from the spicy mess and grabs the mic as El Santo backs away in a near frozen manner.

Corkscrewed: "You cannot kill... that which is already dead."

Corkscrewed grabs El Santo's throat and chokeslams him into the sour cream and salsa, burying him within the red and white pasty mess. He then takes a match, lights it, and throws it into the mound, which promptly explodes into flames.

JR: "Baw gawd, El Santo's buried alive!! I can't believe it! I can't believe it!!!! He's dead! He's dead! He's dead!"

Fade out.

[Corkscrewed]

Damn. Posted at the same time. Erm... LC, just take me out of yours and say you beat the crap out of El Santo.

Originally Posted by Corkscrewed Damn. Posted at the same time. Erm... LC, just take me out of yours and say you beat the crap out of El Santo.

Done

[Hired Hitman]

Sometimes I don't know why I bother to put these guys over...

[Nowhere Man]

Originally Posted by Hired Hitman Sometimes I don't know why I bother to put these guys over...

You just KNOW he really thinks that all the time.

[Krow]

Originally Posted by Corkscrewed (A couple of these are purposefully out of order, just a bit) Occassionally, the Ortonbot 2000 would short circuit and spasm, and Mick would have to wait an exhausting five minutes for it to right itself again and continue its promo. Kane: "Pinned" Goldberg: "Buh?" Kane: "Pinned" Goldberg: "Puh." Kane: "Dammit, that's the last time I volunteer for the WWE Tutor a Wrestler program."

Maybe I'll try these some day, but for now, yours are perfectly fine.

Besides, nobody gets my humor anyway. Which means I'm not funny. I think.

[PorkSoda]

RVD: Whoa, Bitch! Wait your turn.

Orton: Your clothes!

RVD: Talk to the hand.

[KayfabeMan]

With his "third generation wrestler" gimmick not getting over,Randy Orton was repackaged as Randy-Paul Levesque....




Just like in their tag team matches,Flair is forced to carry Triple H...




While watching the match,Flair suddenly realized why the WWE is going down the toilet...




Mick had been on his book tour so long that when he returned he barely recognized his own daughter...

[Spoon Bender]

Originally Posted by Corkscrewed JR: "Buh gawd! Goldberg's carrying Triple H in the match!" King: "I'd say Triple H is holding Goldberg down." JR: "Half empty, half full. Whatever."

That is one of the all time greats! I'm amazed it never came up before!

[Vastardikai]

A quickie, i'll do a longer one later, maybe.



Pixie Twins Power, ACTIVATE!



Henry: Form of: Batista!

Booker: Form of: GUY WHO WILL ACTUALLY GET PUSHED!

Henry:

[Corkscrewed]

Originally Posted by Spoon Bender That is one of the all time greats! I'm amazed it never came up before!

Hehe, thanks! I liked that one myself. The other one that I thought might get some LOL's was the scalping Marge Simpson one.


Dark Kane: Annoying and not funny. Yep, the perfect troll.

[Corkscrewed]

Users bitching about others bitching is more pathetic.

My captions are better than yours, thus I have a right to criticize yours.
Furthermore, you say that my captions suck, but you clearly have no sense of humor. So I'm inclined to disregard your opinion.

Have a nice day.

[loopydate]

Originally Posted by Corkscrewed Users bitching about others bitching is more pathetic. My captions are better than yours, thus I have a right to criticize yours. Furthermore, you say that my captions suck, but you clearly have no sense of humor. So I'm inclined to disregard your opinion. Have a nice day.

Meh, just put him on your Ignore List. It makes things so much more pleasant.

[Corkscrewed]

Oh yeah! I totally forgot about that thing! Good idea!