Austin/Rock: Ideas for Movies That Don't Suck

**Swiss Ultimate** · 10-20-2009, 04:46 PM

I have pretty much hated every movie the Rock starred in, though I didn't hate Doom but of course it's the exception that proves the rule: he wasn't the star.

Austin was okay in The Condemned though it had such a cheesy feel to it and after watching Damaged I have to wonder if anyone read the script, though about editing the film or even realized they had Steve Fucking Austin to work with.

With that said, I think it's time to solve the problem and come up with movie ideas where Austin and Rock can be successful in.

Only Rule: No Disney films, nothing below PG 13 and no porn (unless it's a really good script).

**D Mac** · 10-20-2009, 04:50 PM

I liked Scorpion King.

**Swiss Ultimate** · 10-20-2009, 04:52 PM

My first idea is for Austin and it's sort of a Predator rip-off with Austin as Arnie.

A team of black-ops mercenaries infiltrate a highly secret biological weapons lab somewhere in Iran. Austin is the no-nonsense potty-mouthed redneck leading the team of bad-ass warriors. The first 20 minutes of the movie is Austin and company completely wiping out the elite guards via machine gun fire and hand-to-hand combat.
Then, once they think they've won, a douche bag scientist locks himself into his lab and locks down the entire facility while also releasing the biological weaponry which turn out not to be boring viruses but instead awesome fucking monsters that pick off members of Austin's team one-by-one until it's Austin VS. the big mutant freak.

Rated R for Gore, Violence and Austin giving a stunner to a Iranian so hard his head falls off.

**Swiss Ultimate** · 10-20-2009, 04:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diesel Mac

I liked Scorpion King.

I wanted to. I really did.

**thedamndest** · 10-20-2009, 05:16 PM

Stone Cold Steve Austin has adjusts to life as a recently outed homosexual. He would play Stone Cold Steve Austin.

**Swiss Ultimate** · 10-20-2009, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thedamndest

Stone Cold Steve Austin has adjusts to life as a recently outed homosexual. He would play Stone Cold Steve Austin.

That could be really good.

**thedamndest** · 10-20-2009, 05:22 PM

It would basically be like In and Out starring Kevin Kline but with Stone Cold Steve Austin.

**The Jayman** · 10-20-2009, 05:23 PM

that has oscar written all over it

**D Mac** · 10-20-2009, 05:25 PM

The Longest Yard was pretty funny. Especially Kevin Nash.

GD · 10-20-2009, 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diesel Mac

The Longest Yard was pretty funny. Especially Kevin Nash.

**Swiss Ultimate** · 10-20-2009, 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thedamndest

It would basically be like In and Out starring Kevin Kline but with Stone Cold Steve Austin.

I thought they should have left Kevin Kline straight in that movie instead of basically saying that if you fit a stereotype you simply must be gay. Also, how the fuck do you not realize you crave cock until you're in your thirties/forties???

**Supreme Olajuwon** · 10-20-2009, 05:42 PM

Here's my idea for Stone Cold. A friend persuades the former wrestling star Austin to do a job as bodyguard for the two kids of a top manager because someone is threatening him to get the plans for a secret micro chip. But when Austin arrives at the house it turns out that he'll not only have to bodyguard the spoiled brats, but also be their nanny, since they again scared away their former one. From then on he's occupied more protecting himself from the kids than them from the villain.

**Swiss Ultimate** · 10-20-2009, 05:43 PM

I think that could work, Supreme.

**The Jayman** · 10-20-2009, 05:48 PM

we can call it.....The Bodyguard

**Jura** · 10-20-2009, 06:00 PM

A little too similar to The Pacifier.

**The Jayman** · 10-20-2009, 06:02 PM

ahh the old bald badass guy who becomes a babysitter scenario

**Supreme Olajuwon** · 10-20-2009, 06:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jura

A little too similar to The Pacifier.

Nah way different. Also I thought it'd be fun if the villain has some sort of hilarious defect like a metal ass or something like that.

**thedamndest** · 10-20-2009, 06:10 PM

For the Rock:

The Rock plays a racist black man who finds himself falling in love with a barista in his local Starbucks. The only problem? She's Jewish.

**Swiss Ultimate** · 10-20-2009, 06:11 PM

yeah, it's Steve Austin in this one and not Vin Diesel.

**Swiss Ultimate** · 10-20-2009, 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thedamndest

For the Rock:

The Rock plays a racist black man who finds himself falling in love with a barista in his local Starbucks. The only problem? She's Jewish.

Can they meet online and not know that they really hate eachother in person?

**thedamndest** · 10-20-2009, 06:20 PM

Maybe they even meet online while he is at the very Starbucks she works at!

**Jura** · 10-20-2009, 06:29 PM

My head just exploded.

**Swiss Ultimate** · 10-20-2009, 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thedamndest

Maybe they even meet online while he is at the very Starbucks she works at!

That's actually good enough to qualify it for the porn option.

Finally, we get to see Steve Austin's cock! HUZZAH!

**Ol Dirty Dastard** · 10-21-2009, 01:47 AM

Austin is on the phone with Bob Sacamano and then he realizes he needs to return his pants, and he goes to the subway station, but there's no subway in site, so he runs along the subway tracks, and he falls into the mud and ruins his pants... the very pants he was returning.

**Sixx** · 10-21-2009, 01:56 AM

Citizen Kane remake, with The Rock.

**Reavant** · 10-21-2009, 03:41 AM

The rundown was pretty sweet

**Rammsteinmad** · 10-21-2009, 05:22 AM

A good idea would be for them to stop making movies.

**Sixx** · 10-21-2009, 05:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Supreme Olajuwon

Here's my idea for Stone Cold. A friend persuades the former wrestling star Austin to do a job as bodyguard for the two kids of a top manager because someone is threatening him to get the plans for a secret micro chip. But when Austin arrives at the house it turns out that he'll not only have to bodyguard the spoiled brats, but also be their nanny, since they again scared away their former one. From then on he's occupied more protecting himself from the kids than them from the villain.

I applaud this.

Mr Nanny totally deserves a remake.

**weather vane** · 10-21-2009, 06:43 PM

How about wrestlers just wrestle and not act? k mint.

**thedamndest** · 10-21-2009, 07:50 PM

It's true. Wrestlers in movies work out about as well as David Arquette and the WCW Championship.

**DAMN iNATOR** · 10-29-2009, 09:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Supreme Olajuwon

Here's my idea for Stone Cold. A friend persuades the former wrestling star Austin to do a job as bodyguard for the two kids of a top manager because someone is threatening him to get the plans for a secret micro chip. But when Austin arrives at the house it turns out that he'll not only have to bodyguard the spoiled brats, but also be their nanny, since they again scared away their former one. From then on he's occupied more protecting himself from the kids than them from the villain.

Stone Cold = Madea? I'd watch it.

10-20-2009, 04:50 PM	#2
D Mac Posts: 21,603	I liked Scorpion King.

10-20-2009, 04:52 PM	#3
Swiss Ultimate Amazon Affiliate Posts: 42,694	My first idea is for Austin and it's sort of a Predator rip-off with Austin as Arnie. A team of black-ops mercenaries infiltrate a highly secret biological weapons lab somewhere in Iran. Austin is the no-nonsense potty-mouthed redneck leading the team of bad-ass warriors. The first 20 minutes of the movie is Austin and company completely wiping out the elite guards via machine gun fire and hand-to-hand combat. Then, once they think they've won, a douche bag scientist locks himself into his lab and locks down the entire facility while also releasing the biological weaponry which turn out not to be boring viruses but instead awesome fucking monsters that pick off members of Austin's team one-by-one until it's Austin VS. the big mutant freak. Rated R for Gore, Violence and Austin giving a stunner to a Iranian so hard his head falls off.

10-20-2009, 05:16 PM	#5
thedamndest A Property of Matter Posts: 25,543	Stone Cold Steve Austin has adjusts to life as a recently outed homosexual. He would play Stone Cold Steve Austin.

10-20-2009, 05:22 PM	#7
thedamndest A Property of Matter Posts: 25,543	It would basically be like In and Out starring Kevin Kline but with Stone Cold Steve Austin.

10-20-2009, 05:23 PM	#8
The Jayman Southern Hospitality Posts: 9,437	that has oscar written all over it

10-20-2009, 05:25 PM	#9
D Mac Posts: 21,603	The Longest Yard was pretty funny. Especially Kevin Nash.

10-20-2009, 05:42 PM	#12
Supreme Olajuwon You know that�s right Posts: 52,766	Here's my idea for Stone Cold. A friend persuades the former wrestling star Austin to do a job as bodyguard for the two kids of a top manager because someone is threatening him to get the plans for a secret micro chip. But when Austin arrives at the house it turns out that he'll not only have to bodyguard the spoiled brats, but also be their nanny, since they again scared away their former one. From then on he's occupied more protecting himself from the kids than them from the villain.

10-20-2009, 05:43 PM	#13
Swiss Ultimate Amazon Affiliate Posts: 42,694	I think that could work, Supreme.

10-20-2009, 05:48 PM	#14
The Jayman Southern Hospitality Posts: 9,437	we can call it.....The Bodyguard

10-20-2009, 06:00 PM	#15
Jura ▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬ Posts: 16,011	A little too similar to The Pacifier.

10-20-2009, 06:02 PM	#16
The Jayman Southern Hospitality Posts: 9,437	ahh the old bald badass guy who becomes a babysitter scenario

10-20-2009, 06:10 PM	#18
thedamndest A Property of Matter Posts: 25,543	For the Rock: The Rock plays a racist black man who finds himself falling in love with a barista in his local Starbucks. The only problem? She's Jewish.

10-20-2009, 06:11 PM	#19
Swiss Ultimate Amazon Affiliate Posts: 42,694	yeah, it's Steve Austin in this one and not Vin Diesel.

10-20-2009, 06:20 PM	#21
thedamndest A Property of Matter Posts: 25,543	Maybe they even meet online while he is at the very Starbucks she works at!

10-20-2009, 06:29 PM	#22
Jura ▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬ Posts: 16,011	My head just exploded.

10-21-2009, 01:47 AM	#24
Ol Dirty Dastard boop/bop/beep Posts: 38,453	Austin is on the phone with Bob Sacamano and then he realizes he needs to return his pants, and he goes to the subway station, but there's no subway in site, so he runs along the subway tracks, and he falls into the mud and ruins his pants... the very pants he was returning.

10-21-2009, 01:56 AM	#25
Sixx LUV CABBAGE/H8 JEWS Posts: 42,497	Citizen Kane remake, with The Rock.

10-21-2009, 03:41 AM	#26
Reavant Donkey Punch Elite Posts: 9,910	The rundown was pretty sweet

10-21-2009, 05:22 AM	#27
Rammsteinmad TPWW's #3 Peep Posts: 20,903	A good idea would be for them to stop making movies.

10-21-2009, 06:43 PM	#29
weather vane Forever Posts: 23,565	How about wrestlers just wrestle and not act? k mint.

10-21-2009, 07:50 PM	#30
thedamndest A Property of Matter Posts: 25,543	It's true. Wrestlers in movies work out about as well as David Arquette and the WCW Championship.