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Old 02-15-2010, 09:41 AM   #1
Kalyx triaD
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RTS Silliness
Hey bitches, let's play a game. Let's say there's this RTS game with three armies: Christians, Muslims, and Atheists. After I riff about the attributes of these armies, you fuckers make up units and abilities for these three fucks.
_________________________________________________________________
Christians:

Jesus freaks who have God on their side, so of course they will bum rush your ass preemptively and without mercy. Then they're set up a McDonalds in the ruins of your family's homes. A key tactic is setting up bases to increase that imperial spread. The Christian Army uses straight forward offensive units and Shock and Awe powers like carpet bombs. Praise Jeebus!

Attributes:
Drains resources quickly, must spread out.
Strong offense.
Abstinence Only, unit spawns at faster rate.
PATRIOT Act, identify single use units from afar.

Units:
Bible Thumper, basic units.
Christian Wife, rage builds with time for limited stat increases.
Televangelists, ground support units. Increase stats of Thumpers by proximity.
Church Van, mobile bases that spawn basic units.

Structures:
Church, initial base. Spawns basic units.
Church w/ Sunday School, spawns advances units and Church Vans.
Mega Church, spawns Televangelists.
_________________________________________________________________
Muslims:

The Army of Islam have God on their side, so of course they will... well unfortunately they can't attack full on. Unlike Christians, Muslims didn't have smarter people around to make cool shit for war, so the Muslims have inferiors tools. They make up for it with creative tactics, like bombing the shit out of that McDonalds with a suicide bomber. The Islam Army uses special units that are sneaky and fewer in number but pack big punches once they execute.

Attributes:
Mecca, must recharge five times an in-game day.
Fasting means requiring less resources.
Spirited Debate, slows Researcher and Televangelist abilities.

Units:
Suicide Bomber, single use unit.
Hijacker, captures enemy vehicles - automatic Suicide Bomber priority.
Jihad Member, plants himself as a proximity mine. Single use.
Taxi, carries up to four units, Jihad Member adds Suicide Bomber Priority.

Structures:
Mosque, spawns basic units.
Terror Cell, allows Mosques to transport units amongst structures.
_________________________________________________________________
Atheists:

These pussies have the dubious distinction of not having the offensive power of Christians, but are ironically too upstanding to pull the sneaky shit of the Muslims - but they're smart fuckers. The Atheist Army can decrease the potential of enemy units using the Study ability, making the Atheist attributes variable battle to battle. This makes them the most adaptable of the three. Special units include the Richard Dawkins Hero unit. He'll lecture your ass.

Attributes:
Weakness study, increase effectiveness against certain enemies.
Geneva Conventions, convert enemies near death.

Units:
Youth Elitist, basic units. Can graduate to higher unit class.
Professors, increase stats of basic units. Must be present to graduate units on field.
Researchers, study enemy units. Decrease enemy effectiveness.
School Bus, mobile base. Spawns basic units.

Structures:
Schools, spawns basic units and School Buses.
College, spawns Professors and Researchers.
_________________________________________________________________
Now make units for these classes and be witty about it. Go.

Last edited by Kalyx triaD; 03-27-2010 at 05:27 AM.
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Old 02-15-2010, 09:46 AM   #2
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no
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Old 02-15-2010, 09:46 AM   #3
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So I'm supposed to make all these fucking units myself?!? Lazy fuck!
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Old 02-15-2010, 09:54 AM   #4
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Christians need a basic "Bible Thumper" Also should have the "irrational overweight psychologically unstable christian woman" as a special unit, she will share her beliefs, becoming more irrational and irate as time goes on, until she completely loses it and goes ape shit crazy.

The muslims I feel you missed out on an obvious weakness. They will be extremely weak 5 times a day when praying towards mecca, perhaps the atheists can pick up on this trait. An advantage the Muslims do have though is they need less food than the Christians or Atheists seeing as they like to fast all the fucking time.

The Atheists weakness will be a self destruct button. Eventually they will get so fed up of all the irrational arguments they will just kill themselves off. I see them being the weakest of the three personally. Seems like they would have to much respect for other humans to live, that they wouldn't want to get involved in the war. Rather they'd let the Christians/Muslims fight it out. Which may be an advantage to them, until Christians discover/invent Miracles and use them to go old testament all over the atheists.
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Old 02-15-2010, 09:54 AM   #5
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Also the Jews are busy sitting back and somehow making money off of all of this.
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Old 02-15-2010, 10:07 AM   #6
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No Jews, they complicate things.
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Old 02-15-2010, 10:37 AM   #7
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what about Catholics?
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Old 02-15-2010, 10:39 AM   #8
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Pedo units, FTW. But maybe in an expansion.
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Old 02-15-2010, 10:44 AM   #9
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Christian Infantry Unit

Televangelists
These assholes are your sub-standard ground support. Putting one with a group of Bible Thumpers will increase the overall morale of the Bible Thumpers by 40% and increase their attack speed.

Muslims

Jihad Member
More or less support infantry that pops out of home made "pillboxes" that they dig themselves and wait for you to get close enough to them.

Atheists

Brain Washed Adolescents
The Nazi's used young kids during WW2, and I'm sure the Japanese did too. Maybe? These brain washed infantry units are fresh young minds plucked straight from high school with only one purpose. To tear down everything that they don't believe in.
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Old 02-15-2010, 10:53 AM   #10
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Good shit, fuckers.
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Old 02-15-2010, 10:53 AM   #11
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Lame
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Old 02-15-2010, 11:36 AM   #12
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Of all three groups the atheists are the ones with brainwashed kids
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Old 02-15-2010, 11:39 AM   #13
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Yeah... we should rename the unit... Maybe "Youth Elitist".
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Old 02-15-2010, 11:49 AM   #14
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Christian Advanced Scout Unit

Schoolgirls.
They use their short skirts and obvious daddy issues to lash out unto other units.
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Old 02-15-2010, 11:55 AM   #15
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Definitely save the school girls for the expansion thread, put them in the Catholic Army.
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Old 02-15-2010, 11:56 AM   #16
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Adding structures, need ideas.
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Old 02-15-2010, 11:58 AM   #17
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Catholic Army

School girls in distracting uniforms. Brainwashed boys that belive it is ok that their priests touched them "there".
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Old 02-15-2010, 11:59 AM   #18
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NOT YET
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Old 02-15-2010, 12:00 PM   #19
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The Jayman got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Jayman got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Jayman got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Jayman got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Jayman got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Jayman got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Jayman got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Jayman got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Jayman got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Jayman got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Jayman got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Jayman got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)
I was describing the expansion pack
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Old 02-15-2010, 12:02 PM   #20
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Go for it. Add those pagan, PETA-ass, animal loving, tree hugging fuckers. Give them a name. Geo Army or some shit.
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Old 02-15-2010, 12:16 PM   #21
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I think the Christians should have the ability to reproduce at a faster rate. Making their army larger but not as strong. Putting a strain on resources, maybe help make AIDS a bigger problem on certain continents.

Where as the Atheists will be more informed on reproduction, making more calculated decision. Eventually they discover/invent the ability to genetically mutate their children, making them better soldiers.

The Christians should also have a randomized "bad seed" soldier. Someone who apparently is christian, but eventually he becomes dressed in all black like some emo kid. So you have to send over a converter to him within X amount of moves, otherwise he will go postal on other christians
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Old 02-15-2010, 12:23 PM   #22
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Kalyx, obviously the Muslim home structure would be a Mosque.

The Christians need a harvesting tool. How about this for a Christian unit.

Propaganda Pitch Man
Basically he spouts nonsense from a distinct range and litters his enemies with leaflettes and propaganda.
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Old 02-15-2010, 12:23 PM   #23
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Noted. I'll use AIDS with the expansion, have the Catholics use it somehow.
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Old 02-15-2010, 12:25 PM   #24
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Technically they can all have propaganda units... We should differentiate somehow. Maybe a Christian Evangelist unit can turn enemy units?
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Old 02-15-2010, 12:29 PM   #25
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Quote:
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Technically they can all have propaganda units... We should differentiate somehow. Maybe a Christian Evangelist unit can turn enemy units?
I could see it happening. Maybe the Propagandists can be the harvesting unit for each army?
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Old 02-15-2010, 12:45 PM   #26
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Propaganda galvanizes more than recruit in a way, perhaps these units should have buffer properties.
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Old 02-15-2010, 01:01 PM   #27
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Propaganda galvanizes more than recruit in a way, perhaps these units should have buffer properties.
They are weak against fire but immune to slander?
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Old 02-15-2010, 01:16 PM   #28
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We could make it a 'move' rather than units altogether, with both defensive and offensive buffering properties. But I don't know what the Muslims would use.
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Old 02-15-2010, 01:53 PM   #29
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What, no Jews?
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Old 02-15-2010, 01:56 PM   #30
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We can't just throw every belief in there. There's balance to consider.
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Old 02-15-2010, 01:58 PM   #31
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Jews.
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Old 02-15-2010, 02:05 PM   #32
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They'll just buy everybody off.
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Old 02-15-2010, 02:43 PM   #33
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No one trusts them, you dumb darky.
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Old 02-15-2010, 02:46 PM   #34
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You underestimate the power of money.
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Old 02-15-2010, 02:47 PM   #35
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You think Christians and Mulism don't have money? Mulisms have oil, they don't need jew money. Christians have crazy amounts of money as well. Jews are money hungry because they don't have any.
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Old 02-15-2010, 02:49 PM   #36
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I will wait until the Jews expansion comes out before I purchase.
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Old 02-15-2010, 02:54 PM   #37
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No Jews.
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Old 02-15-2010, 02:56 PM   #38
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The Jayman got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Jayman got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Jayman got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Jayman got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Jayman got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Jayman got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Jayman got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Jayman got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Jayman got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Jayman got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Jayman got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)The Jayman got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)
It will be interesting when the Catholic expansion as well as the Buddha expansion are released
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Old 02-15-2010, 02:57 PM   #39
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No Buddha.
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Old 02-15-2010, 03:02 PM   #40
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Oh, so what you are saying is that you aren't very smart and your atheism is based on Christianity and you never bothered with the other major religions. So you can't be snarky with them and make fun of them with your dumb little game?
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