RAW Captions [2/2/04]

[Corkscrewed]

Mark had always wanted to have wolverine for dinner.


Trying to eat a Wolverine. Another side effect of hunger.
Have a Snickers.


Orton: "Mick! What the heck are you doing??? We have an angle to do!!!"
Mick: "Shhhhhhhh!!! I can hear the ocean! Soooo relaxing..."


Jackie: "Hasn't Trips been getting fa--"
Rico: "Shh! Yeah... his gut's about this big now."


Unfortunately for Rico, Rene's years of inward hatred toward the Ultimate Warrior suddenly exploded at that very moment.


Rene was a little grossed out when Stacy asked him to help remove her tampon string.


Much to Vince's anger, Stacy and Jackie give away another WWE backstage secret by reenacting what happens in HHH's and HBK's lockerroom.


Trish: Oh yeah. A cleavage shot! Haven't had one of those for a while!


You know Kane's psycho gimmick was down the shits when even WOMEN were more over than he was.


Jericho: *sniff sniff* Club sandwich with cheddar and Canadian bacon!"
Christian: *gasp* "HOW'D YOU KNOW???"


Here, Kane proves that you can indeed have your Bill and eat it too.


The debut of the Blue Man Group was yet another pathetic effort to dredge up sagging ratings.


Matt: "Dammit, Whoopi! Why'd you have to flash??"
Booker: "That was Janet Jackson! And that joke's been done before!!"
Matt: "Whatever. You're both ugly."


Suddenly, a rope flew down from the rafters and ensnared Hardy's wrist, lifting him up to the ceiling. Now RAW could have its own Sean O'Haire!


Orton: "So you're telling me that pimple was THIS big! Wow. That WAS some pimple!"


Spike: "How ya doing... fatty? FATTY! FATTY! FATTY! FATTY! FATTY! FATTY! FATTY! FATTY! FATTY!!! FAT FAT FAT FATTY! FAT FATTY! FAT FATTY! FAT FATTY!!!!!"


Spike paid dearly for his insolence by being absorbed into Triple H's crotch.


As usual, Triple H no-sells even a bullet shot to the head.


Austin: "Take these elementary learning cards. They will teach you the system we call the alphabet, or what you call 'those squigglies that turns thems lines into words.'"


Flair may be well past his wrestling prime, but he could still do the most insane push-ups ever.


Jericho figured it'd been a while since he was last in the Triple H Position and decided to practice it again, lest he get rusty.


Shawn didn't exactly enjoy it, but someone had to breastfeed little Randy.


Austin and the ref recreate how they think the Kobe Bryant rape scene really went , with Austin as Kobe and the ref as that girl.


In a HUGE swerve, HBK turns heel when he sets up Orton for the Invisible Crucifix.


Michaels: "Hey Chris! Even that heavenly halo above your head wont' prevent you from jobbing to Hunter. He is God, of course, you know."


Chris was a little wary in shaking Shawn's hand. Just what was that white milky stuff on it anyway?


Lets take a moment and read each person's mind.
Benoit: "Excellent. With Michaels' friendship, there's no way Triple H can bury me!"
Michaels: "Oh look! Another Canadian I can screw over with his own submission move!"