RAW Captions [3-30-2004]

**El Santo** · 03-31-2004, 02:58 AM

Tajiri never got used to the bold taste of Mountain Dew.

Ref: "Hey! My mom had a pair of those!"

Nidia freaked when she found 3-year-old leftovers in her fridge.

And as if he couldn't sink any lower, Kane debuts his new gimmick, "Glenda Jacobs".

After his thirty day low carb diet, Rosey has never looked better!

Shelton had lost the tag titles, lost his partner, and was now on a different show all together, but having to listen to HHH prattle on about his love life was more than he could stand.

Very few people knew that Rhyno was an excellent hockey player. Even fewer people knew that one could play hockey in a wrestling ring.

After the announcement that Backlash will feature YET ANOTHER thriple threat match between Benoit and Michaels and Hunter, the universe spontaneously combusts.

Benoit and Michaels watch in disbelief as Lillian disembowels Johnny Nitro. Fortunately for Johnny, he's too stoned to notice.

The matched was stopped for a couple of minutes as Michaels drags away an old man who somehow snuck into the ring.

Given Flair's age, he understandably needed some help when playing leapfrog.

Benoit was thrilled to win both the World Heavyweight and Tag Titles, but... Jesus Christ, when did Michaels grow breasts!?!?!

Sitting in the fifth row, God couldn't be more thrilled for his boy, HBK.

Johnny: "What's that, Cousin It?"
Batista: "Little Jimmy is stuck down a well?"

Even Benoit's discovery that the Ref was really Weird Al Yankovich wouldn't stop HBK from finishing his spinaroonie.

In a blasphemous heel turn, Michaels calls God a homo.

Though he didn't get the rare rookie one with the Team Angle singlets, Austin couldn't be happier with his new life-sized Shelton Benjamin cutout.

Trish: "So I regret nothing.... Aren't you supposed to be calling me a brutal trashbag ho about now?"
Chris: "I was chest ... I mean, I was just getting to tit... um, getting to it."

All chaos broke loose as a thirty-foot tall Trish Stratus terrorized the fans.

Christian knew it was wrong to cheat on Trish with Molly Holly, but there was something about rubbing his fingers through her bald scalp that made his naughty parts tingle.

Kane: "No really, Tajiri, try it. It's called Mountain Dew. It's the most refreshing drink ev-.... GYAAHHHH!!!!"

Hundreds of fans tossed their cookies when Kane sneezed on national TV.

Oh my God! It's Goldberg... And he's discovered Rogaine!

Quickly realizing that "Glenda Jacobs" was a dead-end gimmick, Kane debuts as "The Not So Jolly Grean Giant."

Desperate to beat Shelton in this match, Triple H resorts to using the Force.

Unfortunately, Shelton was no stranger to the old religion and he prepares to shoot lightning out his fingers.

Trips knew he was losing this match, but damn, Shelton gave the best back massages in the WWE!

Benoit knew this was low --- especially while Shelton was celebrating now less --- but if there was a golden opportunity to steal Shelton's wristband, it would be NOW.

Triple H: "Oh my God! I forgot to take out the trash! Steph is going to kill me!"

03-31-2004, 02:58 AM	#10
El Santo One Man Horror Show Posts: 1,046	Tajiri never got used to the bold taste of Mountain Dew. Ref: "Hey! My mom had a pair of those!" Nidia freaked when she found 3-year-old leftovers in her fridge. And as if he couldn't sink any lower, Kane debuts his new gimmick, "Glenda Jacobs". After his thirty day low carb diet, Rosey has never looked better! Shelton had lost the tag titles, lost his partner, and was now on a different show all together, but having to listen to HHH prattle on about his love life was more than he could stand. Very few people knew that Rhyno was an excellent hockey player. Even fewer people knew that one could play hockey in a wrestling ring. After the announcement that Backlash will feature YET ANOTHER thriple threat match between Benoit and Michaels and Hunter, the universe spontaneously combusts. Benoit and Michaels watch in disbelief as Lillian disembowels Johnny Nitro. Fortunately for Johnny, he's too stoned to notice. The matched was stopped for a couple of minutes as Michaels drags away an old man who somehow snuck into the ring. Given Flair's age, he understandably needed some help when playing leapfrog. Benoit was thrilled to win both the World Heavyweight and Tag Titles, but... Jesus Christ, when did Michaels grow breasts!?!?! Sitting in the fifth row, God couldn't be more thrilled for his boy, HBK. Johnny: "What's that, Cousin It?" Batista: "Little Jimmy is stuck down a well?" Even Benoit's discovery that the Ref was really Weird Al Yankovich wouldn't stop HBK from finishing his spinaroonie. In a blasphemous heel turn, Michaels calls God a homo. Though he didn't get the rare rookie one with the Team Angle singlets, Austin couldn't be happier with his new life-sized Shelton Benjamin cutout. Trish: "So I regret nothing.... Aren't you supposed to be calling me a brutal trashbag ho about now?" Chris: "I was chest ... I mean, I was just getting to tit... um, getting to it." All chaos broke loose as a thirty-foot tall Trish Stratus terrorized the fans. Christian knew it was wrong to cheat on Trish with Molly Holly, but there was something about rubbing his fingers through her bald scalp that made his naughty parts tingle. Kane: "No really, Tajiri, try it. It's called Mountain Dew. It's the most refreshing drink ev-.... GYAAHHHH!!!!" Hundreds of fans tossed their cookies when Kane sneezed on national TV. Oh my God! It's Goldberg... And he's discovered Rogaine! Quickly realizing that "Glenda Jacobs" was a dead-end gimmick, Kane debuts as "The Not So Jolly Grean Giant." Desperate to beat Shelton in this match, Triple H resorts to using the Force. Unfortunately, Shelton was no stranger to the old religion and he prepares to shoot lightning out his fingers. Trips knew he was losing this match, but damn, Shelton gave the best back massages in the WWE! Benoit knew this was low --- especially while Shelton was celebrating now less --- but if there was a golden opportunity to steal Shelton's wristband, it would be NOW. Triple H: "Oh my God! I forgot to take out the trash! Steph is going to kill me!"