Royal Rumble 2004 Captions

**Nowhere Man** · 01-26-2004, 04:35 PM

The Dudleyz momentarily broke kayfabe to check on Flair. I mean, they knew that tables sometimes worked a little too stiff, but that was just uncalled for.

Say what you will about Steven Richards, but no one does a better 6-1-9 than him, as Bubba learns the hard way.

Suddenly, the Dudley Boyz rip off their masks to reveal they're not The Dudleyz at all! It's Harlem Heat!!!

Bubba would have been more imposing looming over his fallen adversary, had he remembered to put on some damn pants first.

Getting slammed through a table is bad enough, but having the guy who did it proceed to dry-hump you afterwards is enough to ruin anyone's day.

Apparently, John Cena's jewelry was provided by Johannes Gutenberg. (cookie for anyone who knows who the hell that is)

Noble made sure to hold Rey still while the ref hypnotized him into doing his bidding.

The Smackdown roster was unaccustomed to the ways of the nefarious Raw talent. As you can see, Teddy Long is about to have a field day.

Noble: Whaddya mean Nowhere Man can't come up with anything for this picture?

Eddie wasn't about to let the match start until his invisible dog was done doing its business.

Eddie and Chavo were true pioneers in the art of expressionistic wrestling. Here, Eddie symbolizes the current direction of WWE's ratings, while Chavo represents the welfare of lower-card wortkers.

No one was really sure just what Eddie's problem with Cheech Marin is, but damn if he didn't make it personal.

Eddie torments his nephew with the classic "breaking an egg on your head" gag.

Here, Holly delivers the saddest looking Northern Lights ever.

Lex Luger makes his triumphant return to WWE.

HHH: So, who's turn is it to job tonight?
HBK: Yours.
HHH: No, yours!

"No, YOURS"

"No, YOURS!

In what had to be one of the sickest spots in wrestling history, not only does HBK get suplexed through a table, but his left foot explodes in mid-move!!

As if HBK's exploding foot wasn't bad enough, HHH skinned Michaels' face off!

And somewhere in a far-off jail cell, Rob Black is crying for not doing it first.

Michaels was never good at doing a Stone Cold impression. He kept forgetting which finger to use.

Everyone knew that HHH was really phoning it in when he showed up to PPV's drunk off his ass.

HBK: well, that would explain the massive beer gut.

HHH's ring work had gotten so bad, he was even putting himself to sleep.

Eric quickly tried to shift the blame when Austin found out Benoit was coming over to Raw.

The Rumble entrants were completely unaware of the gigantic ninja shuriken flying in from the rafters. Kwang had returned!!!

Ever the prankster, Booker T gives Kan ethe worst wedgie of his life.

Foley charged the ring at full speed, stopped, remembered it wasn't 1999 anymore, and turned around and went home.

WWE hoped to spice up the Foley/Orton feud by re-creating the infamous Austin/Pillman angle. It's just too bad the props department got its funding cut, because it'd be a lot more convincing with real guns.

Kwang wasn't the only one who had made a surprise return, as the Repo Man made off with Nunzio's laptop. And his pants.

Goldberg: What?!?! I was just checking my email earlier!!!!
Brock: COMPUTER BAAAAAAAAD!!!!!!!

Dogpile on the no-talent fatass!!!!

Jericho was actually supposed to be eliminated here, but that damn Rhyno just couldn't help himself.

Benoit: See? That's why I said trying a tope suicida was a bad idea.

Ref: Congratulations, Benoit! I can't wait to see you come over to Raw. I think you'll do a great JOB.
Benoit: What?
Ref: Nothing, I was just saying that you'll make a great ENHANCEMENT to Raw's TALENT pool.
Benoit: Why do you keep talking like that?
Ref: Oh, no reason. I just think YOU'RE GOING TO BE very happy on Raw, and that all your suspicions will be BURIED . Now, GET OUT and celebrate your victory, WHILE YOU STILL CAN appreciate the moment.

EDIT: Dammit! About half of my jokes had been done before I could get this post done!

01-26-2004, 04:35 PM	#1
Nowhere Man Now. Here. Man. Posts: 8,370	The Dudleyz momentarily broke kayfabe to check on Flair. I mean, they knew that tables sometimes worked a little too stiff, but that was just uncalled for. Say what you will about Steven Richards, but no one does a better 6-1-9 than him, as Bubba learns the hard way. Suddenly, the Dudley Boyz rip off their masks to reveal they're not The Dudleyz at all! It's Harlem Heat!!! Bubba would have been more imposing looming over his fallen adversary, had he remembered to put on some damn pants first. Getting slammed through a table is bad enough, but having the guy who did it proceed to dry-hump you afterwards is enough to ruin anyone's day. Apparently, John Cena's jewelry was provided by Johannes Gutenberg. (cookie for anyone who knows who the hell that is) Noble made sure to hold Rey still while the ref hypnotized him into doing his bidding. The Smackdown roster was unaccustomed to the ways of the nefarious Raw talent. As you can see, Teddy Long is about to have a field day. Noble: Whaddya mean Nowhere Man can't come up with anything for this picture? Eddie wasn't about to let the match start until his invisible dog was done doing its business. Eddie and Chavo were true pioneers in the art of expressionistic wrestling. Here, Eddie symbolizes the current direction of WWE's ratings, while Chavo represents the welfare of lower-card wortkers. No one was really sure just what Eddie's problem with Cheech Marin is, but damn if he didn't make it personal. Eddie torments his nephew with the classic "breaking an egg on your head" gag. Here, Holly delivers the saddest looking Northern Lights ever. Lex Luger makes his triumphant return to WWE. HHH: So, who's turn is it to job tonight? HBK: Yours. HHH: No, yours! "No, YOURS" "No, YOURS! In what had to be one of the sickest spots in wrestling history, not only does HBK get suplexed through a table, but his left foot explodes in mid-move!! As if HBK's exploding foot wasn't bad enough, HHH skinned Michaels' face off! And somewhere in a far-off jail cell, Rob Black is crying for not doing it first. Michaels was never good at doing a Stone Cold impression. He kept forgetting which finger to use. Everyone knew that HHH was really phoning it in when he showed up to PPV's drunk off his ass. HBK: well, that would explain the massive beer gut. HHH's ring work had gotten so bad, he was even putting himself to sleep. Eric quickly tried to shift the blame when Austin found out Benoit was coming over to Raw. The Rumble entrants were completely unaware of the gigantic ninja shuriken flying in from the rafters. Kwang had returned!!! Ever the prankster, Booker T gives Kan ethe worst wedgie of his life. Foley charged the ring at full speed, stopped, remembered it wasn't 1999 anymore, and turned around and went home. WWE hoped to spice up the Foley/Orton feud by re-creating the infamous Austin/Pillman angle. It's just too bad the props department got its funding cut, because it'd be a lot more convincing with real guns. Kwang wasn't the only one who had made a surprise return, as the Repo Man made off with Nunzio's laptop. And his pants. Goldberg: What?!?! I was just checking my email earlier!!!! Brock: COMPUTER BAAAAAAAAD!!!!!!! Dogpile on the no-talent fatass!!!! Jericho was actually supposed to be eliminated here, but that damn Rhyno just couldn't help himself. Benoit: See? That's why I said trying a tope suicida was a bad idea. Ref: Congratulations, Benoit! I can't wait to see you come over to Raw. I think you'll do a great JOB. Benoit: What? Ref: Nothing, I was just saying that you'll make a great ENHANCEMENT to Raw's TALENT pool. Benoit: Why do you keep talking like that? Ref: Oh, no reason. I just think YOU'RE GOING TO BE very happy on Raw, and that all your suspicions will be BURIED . Now, GET OUT and celebrate your victory, WHILE YOU STILL CAN appreciate the moment. EDIT: Dammit! About half of my jokes had been done before I could get this post done!