RAW Captions [2/2/04]

[FourFifty]

Originally Posted by The Rock Bottom Triple H: SEE?! IT REALLY *DOES* COME OFF! Orton: "What? I don't see it." Michaels: "It's there, just keep looking." (Frantically taping a "Bury Me" sign to Orton's back)

All I could say is if one of these two do not make it to the best caption thingie, I'd cry. Okay, no, I wouldn, but these captions are just fuckin' great!

[Corkscrewed]

You have to execute a caption correctly to make it good, though. It can't just be a good idea.

That said, I think Rock Bottom's captions this week are a great improvement over his previous ones, which were sort of average.

Looks like everyone's been revved up by RAW's recent excellence.

[Mr. Monday Morning]

I don't do these too often but I'm free right now and these look like a good set

PLEASE DON'T EXCLUDE ME CAPTION REGULARS

*Ahem*



As Mark insisted, it was all the director's fault he looked fat on TV. If he would just switch to the angle on the Titantron, everyone would think Benoit's ass was as wide as his!



The Undertaker cloning experiment was going well, although a security breach allowed one to get front row seats.



Happily retired and with a flourishing writing career, Mick was doing ok. Until Randy started talking.

"Hey don't forget you need to put me over soon. Mick? Mick? Miiick? Mick?...Mick? Oh, you're thinking it was a mistake to come back again aren't you? Mick? Mick? Mick? Miiiick?" (yeah it's more or less a Simpsons reference rep for anyone who spots it)



The boys backstage had christened them Suck & Blow. So Jackie got to practising her sucking.



Rene Dupree, amateur dentist. Free checkup with every rest hold!



Nothing beats high tensile ring ropes for getting rid of irritating piles.



And lo, HHH did proclaim unto the masses: "Finish Her!"



The poor WWE logo was forced to cover up what Earl was REALLY thinking about.



Kane didn't quite have the mechanics of 'Rock-a-bye baby' down yet



Next, on Spike TV: Nose Wars!



Goldberg took an early lead in the finals of the 'Pull my finger' tournament.



Pepsi: The choice of a dentist/retard/psycho generation



Matt got stuck with conditioning Booker's hair this week. It wouldn't be so bad if he would just SIT STILL!



Matt had had enough and brandished the razor. Booker could take a crew cut and like it.



"So then Jesus rides into Nazareth on a donkey, and this woman shouts 'Nice ass!', and...what?"



HHH appreciated Spike's 'Yes, I am a jobber' badge.



An alarm sounded to indicate HHH had now officially had more men between his legs than Christina Aguilera, Tara Reid and Carmen Electra combined. It almost brought a tear to his eye.



The 'Manwhore of the Universe' title was not something to be taken lightly. HHH rightly took pride in his accomplishments.



"Bill, I don't mean to worry you, but you're displaying symptoms of Hoganitis. Here's the number of a good doctor, tell 'em I sent you. Wait, sorry, that's my local AA number."



Flair made sure to have his prostate checked at least twice a year.



In return, he gave Jericho a foot massage. He wasn't prepared for the fact Jericho hadn't washed his feet in 3 weeks though.



Orton unveiled a new counter, the Bicep Tweezer.



Austin started to weep as he realised it WASN'T a dream...



Shawn Michaels, arch tickler supreme, struck again.



Shawn couldn't help but think Chris had grown since last time he'd seen him...



Michaels' ever-reliable Depush Handshake reduced Benoit to his normal size.



Shawn wasn't satisfied though. He wouldn't let go until he was at *least* 3 inches taller.

[Blue Demon]

HHH stopped his Pavlov experiment when he realized that he was losing too many people to bury to Mark Henry

[Vastardikai]

Fun with Stupid Noob's C(r)aptions



Benoit: Very Good, Mark. Now, you just pick me up and throw me down. That's called a Chokeslam.

Mark: Cool!



Mark: This move hurts like hell! What's it called?

Benoit: It's called "Time to Tap Out like a little Bitch."



The fans are horrified as Randy's "Legend Killer" gimmick finally goes TOO FAR!



A fan wonders exactly WHAT Jackie is good for. Fortunately, Rico gives him the answer.



Rico not so subtly pantomimes how Jackie got her job.



Stacy tries to determine the identity of the skinny little girl in the black outfit that's on the Titan-Tron. 5 minutes later, she realizes that it's Her!



Stacy's job is to choke Jackie everytime she has an unfortunate nipple slip. Something tells me they'll be getting to know each other REALLY well?



Trish dresses up as some Cotton Candy, hoping Sean O'Haire will notice her.



Kane takes desperate measures as Trish tries to pull a plug she found on his hand.



Y2J had a choice for a love once in his life: Either a beautiful woman or the guy who steals from her wardrobe. As he leans in to kiss Christian, he starts to think that he made the wrong decision.



Goldberg is much more successful in removing the plug!



The Crowd is astonished when Kane is revealed to be a Hooloovoo (reps to anyone who gets THIS one)



If you think a Triple H Opponent will get buried, Raise your hand.



If you think moving from Smackdown to Raw is a bad idea, Raise your hand.



Randy: I need a new Legend to Kill, got any ideas?

HBK: After what you did to Foley, are you kidding? Actually, I think Vince is trying to Reincarnate Lou Thesz.

Randy: Who's that?



Spike: Seriously sir, I need the work. My wife is starving, the kids need dental work, and the apartment I'm sharing with Ultimo Dragon, Sean O'Haire, the FBI, Rhyno, Chris Nowinski, Maven, and Rob Conway just isn't cutting it!

Hunter: How about I do you a favor and let you move into the place next to mine. I installed the ceiling myself!

Spike: Thank you, sir!



It is now that Spike realizes that the place next to Hunter IS his apartment. Now he has to start scrubbing toilets, to boot!



Hunter shows the world the technique he uses that sets him apart from Jackie Gayda.



Steve, knowing that his ex-wife wants him back, decides to give her address to Goldberg, knowing that she won't be able to tell the difference. At least not until the first fight, anyway...



Flair was in agony. The Walls of Jericho was bad enough, but did Earl HAVE to pose for this picture with his knees on his back?



Sometimes, Flair needs to take captives when he wants to tell stories about how horribly he was treated by Eric Bischoff.



While in the headlock, Randy shows everyone how far Shawn's hairline has receded.



Ironically, it's Austin that has to be the Designated Driver tonight...



Randy sees somebody on the stage Wearing Pink and Black. He has long black hair and the coolest Shades known to man. Randy wonders who he is and why Shawn is hiding.



Shawn smirks. He has Another Canadian named Chris to bury!



Shawn: Nice to meet you, Chris. By the way, How does it feel to know that you have just become a footnote in my feud with Hunter?



Shawn: Oh yeah, Do you want to walk My dog, or Hunter's?

[Blue Demon]

Originally Posted by Vastardikai Fun with Stupid Noob's C(r)aptions Benoit: Very Good, Mark. Now, you just pick me up and throw me down. That's called a Chokeslam. Mark: Cool! Mark: This move hurts like hell! What's it called? Benoit: It's called "Time to Tap Out like a little Bitch." The fans are horrified as Randy's "Legend Killer" gimmick finally goes TOO FAR! A fan wonders exactly WHAT Jackie is good for. Fortunately, Rico gives him the answer. Rico not so subtly pantomimes how Jackie got her job. Stacy tries to determine the identity of the skinny little girl in the black outfit that's on the Titan-Tron. 5 minutes later, she realizes that it's Her! Stacy's job is to choke Jackie everytime she has an unfortunate nipple slip. Something tells me they'll be getting to know each other REALLY well? Trish dresses up as some Cotton Candy, hoping Sean O'Haire will notice her. Kane takes desperate measures as Trish tries to pull a plug she found on his hand. Y2J had a choice for a love once in his life: Either a beautiful woman or the guy who steals from her wardrobe. As he leans in to kiss Christian, he starts to think that he made the wrong decision. Goldberg is much more successful in removing the plug! The Crowd is astonished when Kane is revealed to be a Hooloovoo (reps to anyone who gets THIS one) If you think a Triple H Opponent will get buried, Raise your hand. If you think moving from Smackdown to Raw is a bad idea, Raise your hand. Randy: I need a new Legend to Kill, got any ideas? HBK: After what you did to Foley, are you kidding? Actually, I think Vince is trying to Reincarnate Lou Thesz. Randy: Who's that? Spike: Seriously sir, I need the work. My wife is starving, the kids need dental work, and the apartment I'm sharing with Ultimo Dragon, Sean O'Haire, the FBI, Rhyno, Chris Nowinski, Maven, and Rob Conway just isn't cutting it! Hunter: How about I do you a favor and let you move into the place next to mine. I installed the ceiling myself! Spike: Thank you, sir! It is now that Spike realizes that the place next to Hunter IS his apartment. Now he has to start scrubbing toilets, to boot! Hunter shows the world the technique he uses that sets him apart from Jackie Gayda. Steve, knowing that his ex-wife wants him back, decides to give her address to Goldberg, knowing that she won't be able to tell the difference. At least not until the first fight, anyway... Flair was in agony. The Walls of Jericho was bad enough, but did Earl HAVE to pose for this picture with his knees on his back? Sometimes, Flair needs to take captives when he wants to tell stories about how horribly he was treated by Eric Bischoff. While in the headlock, Randy shows everyone how far Shawn's hairline has receded. Ironically, it's Austin that has to be the Designated Driver tonight... Randy sees somebody on the stage Wearing Pink and Black. He has long black hair and the coolest Shades known to man. Randy wonders who he is and why Shawn is hiding. Shawn smirks. He has Another Canadian named Chris to bury! Shawn: Nice to meet you, Chris. By the way, How does it feel to know that you have just become a footnote in my feud with Hunter? Shawn: Oh yeah, Do you want to walk My dog, or Hunter's?

lol at the one with hunter and Spike

[Corkscrewed]

LOL at you quoting his entire post.

Mr Monday Morning, great job. I had some high expectations when you showed up, because you always seem to pull off some great ones during the rare occassions when you do make captions (and he's been doing it longer than me, technically, folks). Some hilarious ones towards the end. The whole second half was really strong.

Vastardikai, you've grown, my friend.

The archive this week is gonna be a bit large.

[Dazz]

Originally Posted by Mr. Monday Morning Happily retired and with a flourishing writing career, Mick was doing ok. Until Randy started talking. "Hey don't forget you need to put me over soon. Mick? Mick? Miiick? Mick?...Mick? Oh, you're thinking it was a mistake to come back again aren't you? Mick? Mick? Mick? Miiiick?" (yeah it's more or less a Simpsons reference rep for anyone who spots it)

I remember Homer saying something like that to Moe, I think it was when Moe changed the bar into a restaurant, and then changed it back cause no one wanted to eat there.


And LOL at the captions, especially

Originally Posted by Mr. Monday Morning The poor WWE logo was forced to cover up what Earl was REALLY thinking about. Goldberg took an early lead in the finals of the 'Pull my finger' tournament. "So then Jesus rides into Nazareth on a donkey, and this woman shouts 'Nice ass!', and...what?"

[Rock Bottom]

Originally Posted by Vastardikai The Crowd is astonished when Kane is revealed to be a Hooloovoo (reps to anyone who gets THIS one)

The super-intelligent shade of blue

[Nowhere Man]

Good to see there's another Hitchhiker or two around on the boards.

[Vastardikai]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to The Rock Bottom again.

Good job.

[The Tokefatha]

Henry: Me wuv you



Benoit took the guess who game to a new extreme.



Orton: Hush little baby don't say a word....



I swear the security guy looks like a bear or something.



Rico: NO NO! I DON'T WANT TO BE TEABAGGED BY FRENCH MAGIC!



Jackie: I'm on TV!



Jackie looks like the white female version of George Clinton



Hebner: Does this shirt make me look fat?



Trish: Redbull...it gives you wings!



Christian: I remember when I had long hair.
Jericho: I remember when I had facial hair.



Kane: Tickle tickle



Ladies and gentlemen....the fourth member of the Blue Man Group.



Booker: Boy what are you doin?
Matt: Pretty hair pretty hair.....



Matt was in serious pain when Booker pulled out a hair from under his arm.



Shawn: So after you kill a legend, what do you...
Orton: BANG BANG



HHH: Oh how cute, a low mid-card is here. Steph, come look at it, it's just so cute.



Cameraman: I give up.
HHH: Get it, we're a chair.



*Hunter looks at a sign in the crowd*
HHH: Job.....I don't get it



Austin: Here's the name of my doctor, he can help you with that little mold problem.



Flair: My precious.



Hebner just had to be in the shot...



Shawn just had to pose for the cameras again. Damn showboat.



And here, Austin shows us the new line of hunting wear complete with a catch and a mode of transportation.



Who betta than Kanyon...I mean Orton.



Shawn looks at Chris and wonders why he didn't get a halo before.



Shawn: What is that on your teeth?



Shawn: Oh...forgot...that's your missing tooth.

[BLaZeR-]

[

The evil beast sent by the master of the glass ceiling quickly came down to take out the man who could tear the kingdom down.



As our hero locks in the crossface, the monster tries to tickle his scrotum, even a mighty warrior like Benoit can't hide his pleasure.



Orton: Mick get up! I had no idea if I touched Hunter I would absorb his hold down aura...oh God no.



Jackie: Wow...I thought Chris Farley was dead, and what the hell is he doing here? Rico: Shhhh! That's not Farley it's Master Hunter




The ref warned Rico not to look as Hunter took a bath in a tub by ringside, as Rico looks in agony Rene tries to turn his head but the force of HHH won't let that happen.



Rene looks on in confusion as Stacy tries on Undertaker's 1991 attire



Shane warned Vince that his idea for Shannon Moore's "I feel like a woman" gimmick wouldn't go over well.



In an attempt to save his career, Kane tries to throw Trish into the glass ceiling hoping it will finally break.



Christian: You have a cute nose man
Jericho: ......



Kane: Hehe, you have a soft beard
Goldberg: Get away from me you freak



Kane looks in horror as The Blue Meanie returns to team with Triple H as the Nature Disasters 2



In an attempt to risk his own life to save the world...Booker T tries to tackle the glass ceiling, but failing as his lands back down...a heroic Matt Hardy comes to his aid and tries to holds his broken collarbones in place.



Hardy tries to help Booker up but his hand gets blown off in the process by a bazooka held by the henchman from the glass kingdom diguised as a cameraman.



Orton: So let me get this straight...if I touch your nipple I would then get the power to even hold HHH down?

HBK: Yes. Now do it already.



Spike: Hi...I came to job today.
HHH: (In Fat Albert voice) Hey Hey Hey



Spike and HHH: OK so we made a lower-case h.
Ref: You were supposed to be turned so it's looking like an h to the camera not me, you jackasses.



Triple H removes the title from his waist and screams at the fans that this is the last time you'll see it off.



Goldberg: Hey Austin..what's this?

Austin: Just a little something I thought I'd give to you, it's the address of
this old guy named Jake Roberts, he'll do wonders for your career

Goldberg: Wait...isn't that the same guy I beat during my heel stint in WCW?

Austin: No, that was Jim Dugan you idiot.



Y2J: Wow Flair...so that's how it looks once you reach 50?



Flair screams in horror as a slain Jericho lay on the mat while that dirty Hebner tries to get away.



Orton: So now you're telling me that if I suck your nipple Stephanie will fall in love with me?

Shawn: Yes Randy.



Orton: Wait a minute Shawn, there's Steph and she isn't showing any interest whatsoever in me, I did what you wanted and it hasn't happened yet

Shawn: Shut up and drop em'...I'm not done yet.



God casts a halo over the head of Chris Benoit, declaring him the Hero of Time, the man who will break the glass ceiling with his mighty fist.



Shawn: Sorry to burst your bubble Chris, but you won't break that ceiling unless....

Benoit: Unless what?



Shawn: ..... you kissed me

[Corkscrewed]

Okay, this story's just beggin' for a caption, except that the caption would only be funny if you imagined it.


*mid-match, the two sit back and enjoy a quick conversation*
Flair: "So I was in the parking lot when I saw Mark walk him. So I tells him, 'Mark! Quick! The lighting crew is out of lights and needs more. Grab that light pole over there and run it to them!' Well, he didn't know the light was anchored to a footer in the ground, so he strained and strained and ended up separating his shoulder! Now he's out four months!"
Both: "Hahahahahahaa!!!"
Chris: "That's a great one! You got him good! That Mark Henry... such a humorous fellow."
Flair: "Yup. Bless that man. Strong as a bull he is... dumb as a cow though."
*the two share another laugh before resuming the match*