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02-03-2004, 01:18 PM
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#1 | ||||
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FIT Challenge Slag People
Posts: 13,816
  
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RAW Captions [2/2/04]
 Mark got distracted when he noticed that he'd left three little pellets uneaten. No wonder he couldn't eat this stupid ghost!  Mark Henry hated Ric Flair soooooo much. Now he managed to convince Benoit that VICTORIA was making a monster, too!  ORTON: Holy shit! I hit a grizzly with my car!  FAN IN PENN STATE SHIRT: Dammit, Rico, stop clenching...  Rico only had one shot. He had to grab Rene's flux capacitor kneepads and go back to before he got put in this hold. Now, where would he come up with 1.21 jigawatts?  RENE: Hey! That branch has an ass!  Stacy made a brutal heel turn when she removed Jackie's neck.  EARL: Okay, if I'm a teapot, what are you? TRISH: A toaster?  Glen "Woman For A Head" Jacobs breaks out another new gimmick.  Ahhhh. A finely-crafted Canadian vase. Part of the HGA collection, if I'm not mistaken.  KANE: Hah! Got your beard! BILL: NUH!  Glen "Mood Ring" Jacobs was obviously sad.  MATT: You do realize the phrase "One, two, three, can you dig it" is in your song, right? BOOKER: *Sob* Yeah... They drove a dumptruck full of money up to my house! I'm not made of stone!  Booker tries in vain to help Hardy from being the latest invisible crucifixion.  ORTON: So, wait, Hunter used to carry YOUR bags?  SPIKE: Who are you, and why did you eat Triple H? HHHUTT: Bo shuda!  HHH (thinking): Hmm...Tiger Driver, Tigerbomb, Honor Roll...so many good moves I could do out of this...all of which would require me to exert energy. JR: BAH GAWD PEDIGREE!  Chris Benoit proves that "Sharpshooter" isn't just a move in his arsenal when he wings HHH from the rafters.  AUSTIN: Brother Bill, have you heard the Good Word? BILL: Guwuh? AUSTIN: Um...just take my card.  Y2J & EARL: Oh, hey! A quarter!  RIC: Hey, that's a nice Moonwalk!  RANDY: Y'know, Shawn, I really enjoy all this time we're spending together... HBK: Dude, get your hand off my shoulder.  Austin and the ring do their impression of President Bush and a hedge. The referee is pretending to be an open beer.  ORTON: Hunter, why? I thought I was your friend! HBK: You're fine. He hasn't nailed your feet yet.  MICHAELS: What's the Evil Council's plan, Chris? CHRIS: It is EVIL, it is so EVIL. It is a bad, bad plan, which will hurt many... people... who are good. I think it's great that it's so bad! MUSHUFASA: "Stars above." Was I right, or what?  CHRIS: Say, Shawn...have you ever met Rhyno?  HBK: Wait, he's not the guy who was wearing the "ECW Champion/WWE Jobber" t-shirt, is he? Quote:
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02-03-2004, 01:29 PM
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TPWW's OFFICIAL SNAKE
Posts: 6,968
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Jesus wept, should be called craptions this week
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02-03-2004, 01:30 PM
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IRREPLACEABLE
Posts: 11,608
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Quote:
 
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02-03-2004, 01:31 PM
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#4 | |
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Guest
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Quote:
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02-03-2004, 01:59 PM
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#5 |
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Member
Posts: 533
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I laughed at the HHHUT one
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02-03-2004, 02:55 PM
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#6 |
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Your All Puppets
Posts: 7,585
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Oh Loopy you rule  I liked the Brother Bill one and the HHH one 
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02-03-2004, 03:03 PM
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#7 |
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Guest
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I loved these.
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02-03-2004, 03:14 PM
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#8 |
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Rebel With A Cause
Posts: 268
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Nice, but I was hoping to see the Benoit Booger.
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02-03-2004, 03:15 PM
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#9 |
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Inno Knows.
Posts: 43,710
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Benoit: Hey weren't you involved with Mae Young and the ha... Henry: time to die! Benoit: I close my eyes...only for a moment and the moment's gone Henry: Ah i'll tap! i'll tap! Orton: Oh my god Mic is shot, who did this to you? Foley: ......... Orton: Mic tell me who killed you!! Foley: ......... Orton: TALK TO ME! That guy in the red shirt isn't looking at Jackie.... A split second later the ref nailed a huge spear on Dupree, one that put Goldberg to shame I know women are self-conscious but during a match is no place for Stacy to ask everyone if she is fat Stacy's new cannibal gimmick went over well Trish: what is that? Earl: Why that is Mercury the closest planet to the Sun, but why it is down near the ring I haven't the slighest.. HHH: I'm a guy you jackass! Trish said she wanted to be elevated, HHH made it so Christian: I love you man! Jericho: You're still not getting my bud light Kane has more than happy to give Bill a breast exam... Kane was more shocked than anyone when the Smurfs made their WWE debut Matt: Admit it! It was intentional! Booker: For the last time I'm not Janet Jackson! Where will you be when your diahrea acts up? Orton: So has Hunter ever made you... Shawn: No, in fact he used to do it for me Orton: nnnnnnnnnooooooooo get out of here! HHH: Oh Randy not now I'm in the middle of a match Legend has it if you stick your head between HHH's legs you see the future HHH didn't have to show everyone what the board meetings looked like Austin: Hi i'm from over the hill bald guys anonymous, i'm here to help you Goldberg: I don't need help, i'm popular as ever Austin: Denial is not river in Egypt my friend! Earl forgot his soaps were on, and he wasn't recording them! Ric: oops i crapped my pants Jericho: god not again Randy "nipple biter" Orton can escape any hold! Austin: dammit! This isn't I-95 As the huge axe came down from the rafters, Shawn pushed Randy out of the way, taking the full force of the blow. O'Haire's plan backfired! God smiles down upon Benoit, Shawn had to be a little jealous Benoit: Thanks, I know I will make a great World Champion HBK: sucker... |
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02-03-2004, 03:28 PM
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#10 |
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Spammy Certified
Posts: 46,113
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Wait I can't be on the cross! HHH: so what you doing tonight  ?
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02-03-2004, 03:29 PM
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#11 | |
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IRREPLACEABLE
Posts: 11,608
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Quote:
 Those were funny stuff.
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02-03-2004, 03:59 PM
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#12 | |
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Tedious Inevitability
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02-03-2004, 05:46 PM
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#13 |
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Fthagn?
Posts: 10,042
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Mark never really was good at ripping out hearts. Well...at least the aim factor. Smile for the camera Chris. After giving the RKO to Foley in the parking lot, Orton suddenly felt like he stole a gimmick from Kanyon in WCW. The growing thought was made worse when he said "BANG!" in Foley's face and ran away. OR Orton: Holy shit Mick, you okay? I mean, Richards came out of no where! Here we see Rico and Jackie discussing on their game plan. The game? Oh, they were about to job to him, no worries.  Rene: Well...this moved worked for Christian in that match against Booker and RVD a few weeks ago... Rene: Whoa, that's a nice ass for a thirteen year old! Stacy: JUDO CHOP-A! Earl: You can't count... Trish: You can't call a match... Earl: What are you talking about? Trish: Don't think I haven't forgot about Montreal! Earl: I didn't expect you to know in the first place.. OR This team was devastating. Trish would distract them with her tits and Earl would call the bell saying they tapped. Trying to avoid the camera, Earl hid behind Kane for safety. Front fans later reported Earl to be saying "Be the Kane, Be the Kane.." A closer inspection revealed a startling truth to Chris. Jericho: So you're the asshole who stole my goatee?! Bill's attempt for a cruiser move failed, about as bad as Kane's attempt to carry Bill in a match. Kane was more than shocked when he learned the regular lights had been changed to black lights, thanks to the prank team of Ric Flair and Rhyno. I bet Matt felt like a big man when he started picking on Booker Wee. The ref waits in the wings for his chance to Gore the first man who displays talent or charisma that makes Hunter look bad again. Orton: Gimme' your wallet, or I'll shoot you. Orton's new "Mental Challenged Legend Killer" gimmick wasn't that big of a hit. Spike knew better than to ask Vince for a push. Hunter: This makes number 87,987,576,23..... Where will you be when your diarrhea acts up? Austin: Listen...you can't cut a promo, you wrestle any good matches, and your gimmick sucks. So, I gave you this card I personally made with what you should do... Goldberg: All it says is "Walk Out.." Austin: Oh, it works wonders! As Flair made his way to his corner, Flair's stomach made it's way to the ring.. Earl then saw some of his family sitting in the crowd, so he waved to him. Unfortunately, Jericho had no idea what was happening, and seeing Earl waving his hands and walking to the ropes while he was in a submission sent the Canadian into a paniced frenzy. All Randy said was "Politicians suck." The WWE Ring Clean Up Crew was good at taking out those who didn't do what Hunter said. Orton: Wha' Happen'? (Rep (if I can) to those who get the reference.) Michaels didn't know what to do when the Halo appeared over Benoit's head. Shawn: You know what the best part is? Chris: What? Shawn: I didn't wash my hands coming out of the bathroom earlier.. And as Shawn and Chris shake hands, somewhere in the arena mopping the boiler room, mumbles a one Sean O'Haire saying "I can do that..." |
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02-03-2004, 05:53 PM
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#14 |
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Mark had always wanted to have wolverine for dinner. Trying to eat a Wolverine. Another side effect of hunger. Have a Snickers. Orton: "Mick! What the heck are you doing??? We have an angle to do!!!" Mick: "Shhhhhhhh!!! I can hear the ocean! Soooo relaxing..." Jackie: "Hasn't Trips been getting fa--" Rico: "Shh! Yeah... his gut's about this big now." Unfortunately for Rico, Rene's years of inward hatred toward the Ultimate Warrior suddenly exploded at that very moment. Rene was a little grossed out when Stacy asked him to help remove her tampon string. Much to Vince's anger, Stacy and Jackie give away another WWE backstage secret by reenacting what happens in HHH's and HBK's lockerroom. Trish: Oh yeah. A cleavage shot! Haven't had one of those for a while! You know Kane's psycho gimmick was down the shits when even WOMEN were more over than he was. Jericho: *sniff sniff* Club sandwich with cheddar and Canadian bacon!" Christian: *gasp* "HOW'D YOU KNOW???" Here, Kane proves that you can indeed have your Bill and eat it too. The debut of the Blue Man Group was yet another pathetic effort to dredge up sagging ratings. Matt: "Dammit, Whoopi! Why'd you have to flash??" Booker: "That was Janet Jackson! And that joke's been done before!!" Matt: "Whatever. You're both ugly." Suddenly, a rope flew down from the rafters and ensnared Hardy's wrist, lifting him up to the ceiling. Now RAW could have its own Sean O'Haire! Orton: "So you're telling me that pimple was THIS big! Wow. That WAS some pimple!" Spike: "How ya doing... fatty? FATTY! FATTY! FATTY! FATTY! FATTY! FATTY! FATTY! FATTY! FATTY!!! FAT FAT FAT FATTY! FAT FATTY! FAT FATTY! FAT FATTY!!!!!" Spike paid dearly for his insolence by being absorbed into Triple H's crotch. As usual, Triple H no-sells even a bullet shot to the head. Austin: "Take these elementary learning cards. They will teach you the system we call the alphabet, or what you call 'those squigglies that turns thems lines into words.'" Flair may be well past his wrestling prime, but he could still do the most insane push-ups ever. Jericho figured it'd been a while since he was last in the Triple H Position and decided to practice it again, lest he get rusty. Shawn didn't exactly enjoy it, but someone had to breastfeed little Randy. Austin and the ref recreate how they think the Kobe Bryant rape scene really went , with Austin as Kobe and the ref as that girl. In a HUGE swerve, HBK turns heel when he sets up Orton for the Invisible Crucifix. Michaels: "Hey Chris! Even that heavenly halo above your head wont' prevent you from jobbing to Hunter. He is God, of course, you know." Chris was a little wary in shaking Shawn's hand. Just what was that white milky stuff on it anyway? Lets take a moment and read each person's mind. Benoit: "Excellent. With Michaels' friendship, there's no way Triple H can bury me!" Michaels: "Oh look! Another Canadian I can screw over with his own submission move!" Last edited by Corkscrewed; 02-03-2004 at 08:39 PM. |
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02-03-2004, 06:21 PM
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#15 |
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As over as Crystal Pepsi
Posts: 21,639
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Yay! Caption time! All jokes are considered original until proven stolen.
Chris: Oh come on Mark! Don’t feel bad! At least you’re better than The Big Show. Mark: -sniff- really? You mean that? Chris: No, at least The Big Show is almost worthy of his title. Awesome work Chris! He was able to turn Mark Henry’s botched sidewalk slam into the crossface! Randy: No! Mick! Don’t fall asleep! My promo’s aren’t that bad! The flamboyant metrosexual wrestler and his trailer park trash girlfriend… Rene was confused, but then realized that it must have been a technical difficulty with the titantron. “Powerslam, grunt, Spear, grunt, Jackhammer, grunt, Pin, grunt” Even God looked on as Stacy was about to do an apron dive shooting star press. Maybe if Miss Jackie would keep her feet on the ground she would grow if Stacy just pulled. Earl: Oh Trish! Did you have to break wind? Trish: But girls don’t fart! Worst. Cross body Block. Ever Jericho: You may have the better nose, but I can be over as a face or a hell. Christian: Yeah! Well I’m more Canadian than you! Botch, botch, botch, botch, botch, botch, botch… Oh, my bad, I need a caption for this… Kane could only look up and pray to Cyan, the blue God, that he wouldn’t be totally buried during his feud with The Undertaker. The double Spin-a-rooni went horribly wrong. Matt Hardy held onto the helicopter to get out of the ring, and out of the losing streak. Randy: Shoot that man in the ass! HBK: That’s my chest, stupid rookie. Spike: Hey, if I poke you in the stomach will you laugh like the doughboy? HHH: You are cleaning O’Haire’s cage for that. |
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02-03-2004, 06:22 PM
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#16 |
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As over as Crystal Pepsi
Posts: 21,639
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The ref was a little nervous at this round of limbo… Triple H shows the world why he wasn’t selected for the WWE Originals with his rejected track “100 reasons why I’ll never lose this belt.” Steve: Gate sales didn’t reach out quota, so we need someone to sit in the front row. Goldberg: Aw man!! Do I have to? Earl: Yeah! That’s right Chris! Hang your head in shame! Chris: I know! I’m sorry for being involved with the WWE original track! Mark Henry strikes back! After he eats Batista Ric’s new tag team partner was Max Mini! HBK looked into the camera wondering if he should earn a little extra money by telling the world that no one knows he’s using suave instead of the more expensive salon style brand. Not even Randy knew the difference! Steve: Now where is seat 4501… We need to fill the space… HBK figures out why Randy’s promo sucks. Seems the promo button broken on the Ortonbot. Chris Beniot stood proud in the ring knowing that one day he would be the world’s champion, knowing that one day he would be the best in the industry. Chris Beniot was indeed a contender. HBK: Poor bastard… Only reason the Undertaker is coming back is to dig the hole that Triple H will use to burry Beniot… Tensions mounted as the next round of tumbwars started. Beniot: Ah, let’s celebrate our mutual friendship! HBK: No Chris, we have to get out of the ring, now. Beniot: But why must we leave so soon? HBK: Too much talent in the Raw ring, Triple H is gonna be maaaaaad! Chris: Yes Mark, we have hosses on SmackDown, some bigger and less talented than you. Mark: Really!?!?! A hoss that is bigger and less talented than me? Chris: Well, not in one wrestler. |
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02-03-2004, 06:46 PM
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#17 |
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One Man Horror Show
Posts: 1,046
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Muahaha! Awesome captions, everyone. Jeez, not a bad one in the lot. Cork's gonna have a devil of a time picking out the good ones.
 (And my votes for the Best of Cork: Mick Listening to the Ocean, Stacy's tampon string, Blue Men group, and FATTY FATTY FATTY.) |
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02-03-2004, 07:01 PM
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#18 | |
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As over as Crystal Pepsi
Posts: 21,639
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02-03-2004, 07:47 PM
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#19 | |
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FIT Challenge Slag People
Posts: 13,816
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Quote:
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02-03-2004, 07:52 PM
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#20 |
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Spammy Certified
Posts: 46,113
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I'll rep any one who qoutes my last post and gives a review.
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02-03-2004, 08:00 PM
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#21 |
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IRREPLACEABLE
Posts: 11,608
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Always 450, you are fuking funny, there wasn't a single caption of your I didn't laugh at, you have put all the other captioneers to shame this week. awesome.
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02-03-2004, 08:36 PM
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#22 |
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Posts: 18,357
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Dazz has a weird sense of humor. I mean punctuation.
 (I want a bunch of "LOL" comments to my captions just like Loopy did! )
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02-03-2004, 08:42 PM
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#23 | |
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FIT Challenge Slag People
Posts: 13,816
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Quote:
     Better? *NOTE: Though partially facetious, these captions DID all rule.* |
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02-03-2004, 08:45 PM
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#24 |
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Posts: 18,357
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I was proud of my "Have his Bill and eat it too" though. 
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02-03-2004, 08:46 PM
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#25 |
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Inno Knows.
Posts: 43,710
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Dammit, the time I think I come out with a good set everyone has to upstage me. Good job everyone
Corkscrewed, LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL |
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02-03-2004, 08:51 PM
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#26 | |
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FIT Challenge Slag People
Posts: 13,816
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Quote:
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02-03-2004, 09:11 PM
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#27 | |
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Fthagn?
Posts: 10,042
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Quote:
But good captions, aye.
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02-03-2004, 10:12 PM
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#28 | ||
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As over as Crystal Pepsi
Posts: 21,639
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Quote:
Caption of the year!!!!! Quote:
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02-03-2004, 10:25 PM
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#29 |
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WOOOOOOOOO!
Posts: 12,237
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Orton's new motivational speaker gimmick was off to a bad start "c'mon...it worked for Paige!" |
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02-03-2004, 10:26 PM
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#30 |
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WOOOOOOOOO!
Posts: 12,237
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HHH: you kinda look like a baby...get in my belly! |
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02-03-2004, 10:33 PM
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#31 | |
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Fthagn?
Posts: 10,042
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Quote:
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02-03-2004, 10:39 PM
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#32 |
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WOOOOOOOOO!
Posts: 12,237
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Dupree realized that they replaced Conway with Gary Sinise...their plan was to give him the WWE title. |
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02-03-2004, 10:43 PM
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#33 |
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Guest
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DAM, you guys cleaned house. LMAO at everyone. And dam you Cork for beating me to the blueman group one. That's the first thing that came into my head when I saw these captions this morning. But you made me LMAO, so it's all good.
at everyone
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02-03-2004, 10:58 PM
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#34 |
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WOOOOOOOOO!
Posts: 12,237
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I need help going to the washroom guys... |
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02-03-2004, 10:59 PM
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#35 |
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Ron Paul 4 EVA
Posts: 152,467
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Next up on WWE HMO...Throat surgery... Benoit: No, Mark, not HOMO, Health Maintanence Organization! With the Legend Killer gimmick gone to Hell, Orton begins his new "Drill Seargent" gimmick, in which he attempts to whip Foley into shape... Only to be overruled by a box of Krispy Kremes... Rico: Stand back, citizen...This looks like a job for... PIGGYBACK LAD! The WWE, in attempts to raise global awareness, brought a starving third world child to the ring... Only to enrage human rights activists by forcing her into an HLA angle for a sandwhich... Kane's own version of the "Mile High Club." Jericho (Reading): Triple H was here...What the....? Kane: You know, I'm a method actor. Back when I was Isaac Yankem, I actually spent time preparing for my role by working as an assistant in a dental office. How do you prepare for your role as a blithering idot? Goldberg: Me...Like...Bradshaw... (Insert "Blue Man Group" Joke Here) OR Glenn Jacobs had heard of blue balls, but this was ridiculous. Matt Hardy forces a Scalding hot W into Booker's eyes. Matt has some very strange rituals for reaching the high notes of the "Star Spangled Banner." Orton: Wow...Hunter let you hold his belt? What was it like? HHH was flattered that Spike noticed his new breast implants. HHH's unveils his new finisher, the "Clinton." You are getting sleepy...Sleepy...I am a credible champion... Austin drew the short straw this week, and was forced to shove Goldberg's check into his sweaty tights, as per the stips of his new contract. Hebner couldn't concentrate while HHH jeered from the outside... Ric cried: being forced to stare at Earl Hebner's ass was worse than even his prostate problems. As Shawn recited Exodus, Orton promised to tap if he'd at least skip to the New Testament... Austin's license had been revoked by a State Trooper, so this was the only place he was allowed to drive. From the files of the WWE HMO: Cavity search... HBK: You know, it doesn't take Nostradamus to figure out where your push is headed... Chris: Yeah, I'll be wrestling Dark matches within a year. Good Luck, man... Chris: Uhhhhh...Shawn, a handshake would have sufficed... |
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02-03-2004, 11:23 PM
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#36 |
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Now. Here. Man.
Posts: 8,370
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Not a caption, but this picture was reminding me... You know those old Kung Fu movies where there's the ancient martial arts master who trains the hero the secret arts, and then he gets betrayed and killed off, and the hero finally faces him at the very end? Too bad there's no happy ending in this one. |
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02-04-2004, 12:04 AM
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#37 |
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Posts: 18,357
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Things weren't looking so good for Steve when the police arrived to find him drunk, crashed into a pole, and with a lifeless body on the backseat. On a side note, later that night, there was reported a extravagant celebration at Loopydate's apartment. |
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02-04-2004, 12:22 AM
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#38 | |
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FIT Challenge Slag People
Posts: 13,816
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Cherry Cokes all around! |
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02-04-2004, 01:30 AM
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#39 |
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Ball So Hard University
Posts: 8,450
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This is why you obey the sign, "Don't feed the gorillas." Benoit locks in the Crippler Hoss-face. Orton checks to see if Foley has wiped the snot off his cheek. Rico: "Is that a penis I feel?" Ref is looking a little too hard at this, don't you think? Rene tries to play it off like he's straight. The Fantasy X-2 girls break out into a feud! This is what happens when Divas try to take on Goro. Guess the critics are right. This really is a male soap opera. Hoss - It's what's for dinner. The UFO had returned to kidnap him and experiment with another gimmick... After being buried by HHH, Matt tried everything he could to keep Booker's face from fading out of reality. Damn that Mark Henry! Took a huge rectangular bite out of my leg! Triple H had his work cut out for him here. How could he bury a jobber? Not having the heart to bury the already buried Dudley, Triple H just taunts Spike by pulling his jersey over his head. Triple H: SEE?! IT REALLY *DOES* COME OFF! "No Bill. My shirt isn't calling you a "Cock-ear." Calm down big boy!" Ric Flair becomes senile and confused, as turning over does not reverse the Figure-4. JR: "BAH GAWD, BATISTA IS LITERALLY A MAN WITH NO ARMS IN A TAG TEAM CONTEST!" Michaels apparently took Triple H's advice and decided against selling to Orton's headlock. Another victim of the Texas Lawnmower Massacre. Orton: "What? I don't see it." Michaels: "It's there, just keep looking." (Frantically taping a "Bury Me" sign to Orton's back) Benoit - The Toothless Angel. Benoit: Let's be friends. Michaels: You know what I want, Benoit. |
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02-04-2004, 01:36 AM
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#40 | |
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As over as Crystal Pepsi
Posts: 21,639
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No, Mark Henry didn't lose weight. He's just letting Triple H hold it for a while. Quote:
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Linear Mode
