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Old 01-25-2010, 01:31 AM   #201
Evil Vito
President of Freedonia
 
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Wally: I'm sorry, the guys made kind of a mess in your bathroom.
Bus Driver: What bathroom?

Ticket Taker: Yeah, see, the hologram's missing, there's no such team as the Spungos, and finally, these tickets seem to be printed on some sort of cracker. *takes bite*
Homer: Stop eating our tickets!

Pat Summerall: Did it strike you as odd that in a Super Bowl show with Dolly Parton we didn't see any football or singing?
John Madden: I hadn't thought about it, Pat. But in retrospect, it was kind of a rip-off! What a way to treat the loyal fans who've put up with so much nonsense from this franchise!
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Old 01-26-2010, 01:11 AM   #202
Drakul
"Steven, your fossa!"
 
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TV Narrator: Which two popular Simpsons characters have died in the last year? If you said Bleeding Gums Murphy and Dr. Marvin Monroe, you are wrong! They were never popular!
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Old 01-30-2010, 02:40 PM   #203
James Diesel
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Homer: You know, one day we honest citizens are gonna stand up to you crooked cops.

Chief Wiggum: You are? Oh no! Have you set a date?
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Old 01-30-2010, 03:34 PM   #204
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Fat Tony: I told you we should have bought more than three bullets!
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Old 01-30-2010, 10:29 PM   #205
Lock Jaw
Skibbidy Lock Jaw
 
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Apu: Who needs to Quick-E-Mart? I dooooooooooooooooo!
Homer: Hey! He's not happy at all! He lied to us! He lied to us through song! I HATE when that happens!


Flanders: STELLA!!!! STELLA!!!!!! Can't you hear me yella, you're putting me through hella, Stella...... STELLA!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 01-31-2010, 05:41 PM   #206
Jeritron
Get a poke on
 
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Old 02-03-2010, 08:11 AM   #207
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I'm seeing double....four Krustys
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Old 02-03-2010, 05:22 PM   #208
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Old 02-04-2010, 09:13 AM   #209
Supreme Olajuwon
You know that’s right
 
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TV: It's 11 O'clock. Do you know where your children are?
Homer: I told you last night NO!
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Old 02-04-2010, 11:02 AM   #210
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Homer: Mmm....64 slices of American cheese. 64...63...

*Later That Night*

Homer: 2....1.

Marge: Have you been up all night eating cheese?

Homer: I think I'm blind.
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Old 02-07-2010, 11:53 PM   #211
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"Let me get this straight. You took all the money you made franchising your name and be it against the Harlem Globetrotters?"
"Aw, I thought the Generals were due! He's spinning the ball on his finger - just TAKE IT! TAKE THE BALL!...........that game was fixed, they were using a freakin' ladder for God's sakes."
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Old 02-08-2010, 08:23 PM   #212
Innovator
Inno Knows.
 
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"Excuse us Milton"

"It's Milhouse, sir"

"Yeah and you're father is No House, no scram"
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Old 02-08-2010, 08:32 PM   #213
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Marge: Well, Homer, maybe you can take some consolation in the fact that something you created is making so many people happy.

Homer: [sarcastic voice] Ooh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the Magical Man from Happy-Land, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane!

[walks out, slams the door, then sticks his head back in]

Homer: Oh, by the way: I was being sarcastic.

Marge: Well, duh.
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Old 02-08-2010, 08:34 PM   #214
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Homer: [scoffing] Well, if it isn't the leader of the wiener patrol, boning up on his nerd lessons.

Marge: Homer, you should be more supportive.

Homer: You're right, Marge. Good work, boy. [ruffles Bart's hair]
[Marge leaves]
[singing] Egghead likes his booky-books!

Marge: Homer!

Homer: Just tucking him in.
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Old 02-09-2010, 08:13 AM   #215
Nervous Ferret
love yourself
 
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Principal Skinner: Attention all honor students will be rewarded with a trip to an archeological dig. Conversely, all detention students will be punished with a trip to an archaeological dig.
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Old 02-09-2010, 08:15 AM   #216
toxic rooster
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And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course and forgot how to drive?
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Old 02-09-2010, 08:16 AM   #217
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First thing tomorrow morning I'm going to punch Lenny in the back of the head.
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Old 02-09-2010, 09:35 AM   #218
Supreme Olajuwon
You know that’s right
 
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Homer: That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough! I'm going to Clown College!

Bart: ...I don't think any of us expected him to say that.
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Old 02-09-2010, 11:13 AM   #219
BigDaddyCool
Pelvic Sorcerer
 
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Old 02-09-2010, 07:07 PM   #220
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Homer: Psh, English, who needs that, I'm never going to England.
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Old 02-10-2010, 04:22 AM   #221
toxic rooster
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The animosity between Kent Brockman and Arnie Pye is somewhat underrated.
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Old 02-11-2010, 09:18 PM   #222
Cool King
King K Cool
 
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Millhouse: Uh, I have a horsey. *Half-hearted horse impression*

Nelson: WUSS!
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Old 02-11-2010, 09:19 PM   #223
Cool King
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Millhouse: Trab pu kcip! Trab pu kcip!
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Old 02-13-2010, 08:51 PM   #224
RoXer
History's Greatest, Mr. E
 
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(Mr. Burns can't open his pickle jar in his lunch)

Smithers: Should I send out for some Chinese?
Mr. Burns: No, those people are all gristle.
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Old 02-16-2010, 08:31 AM   #225
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Those tourists were decapitated before they entered the Krustyland House of Knives
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Old 02-16-2010, 11:01 PM   #226
Drakul
"Steven, your fossa!"
 
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Helicopter pilot: We're now approaching our final destination, Itchy and Scratchy Land, the amusement park of the future where nothing can possi-blye go wrong.
*everyone looks worried*
Er, possibly go wrong. Heh, that's the first thing that's ever gone wrong.
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Old 02-16-2010, 11:52 PM   #227
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Lisa: Mom, Dad! Bart's dead! [Homer and Marge wake up, gasp]

Bart: [coming alive] That's right: dead serious about going to Itchy and Scratchy Land. [Homer and Marge groan]
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Old 02-16-2010, 11:54 PM   #228
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Frink: Man, if this is happening here, I'd hate to think of what's happening in Euro Itchy and Scratchy Land, n-hey.

[shot of empty parking lot in said park]

Booth man: [French accent] Hello? Itchy and Scratchy Land open for
business. Who are you to resist it, huh? Come on. My last paycheck bounced. My children need wine.
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Old 02-17-2010, 08:32 AM   #229
toxic rooster
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I was the happiest guy in the world, but fate likes to play a little game called 'Up Yours, Moe'.
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Old 02-18-2010, 12:23 AM   #230
Drakul
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Old 02-19-2010, 12:36 AM   #231
IC Champion
They/Them
 
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Principal Skinner: Order! Order! Do you kids wanna be like the real U.N., or do you just wanna squabble and waste time?
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Old 02-19-2010, 02:56 AM   #232
IC Champion
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Marge: You can't ask God to kill someone.
Homer: Yeah! You do your own dirty work.
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Old 02-19-2010, 12:36 PM   #233
Xero
He's Here
 
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Old 02-19-2010, 06:56 PM   #234
Vietnamese Crippler
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Bart: [over the radio] Rod! Todd! This is God!

Rod: How did you get on the radio?

Bart: Whaddya mean, how did I get on the radio? I created the universe!
Stupid kid.

Todd+Rod: [fall to their knees and clasp their hands]

Todd: Forgive my brother. We believe you.

Bart: Talk is cheap. Perhaps I'll test a guy's faith. Walk through the wall! I will remove it for you.

Rod: [walks into the wall] [thud]

Bart: Ha ha ha.

Todd+Rod: [return to their knees in prayer]

Todd: What do you want from us?

Bart: I got a job for you. Bring forth all the cookies from your kitchen and leave them on the Simpsons' porch.

Rod: But those cookies belong to our parents.
Bart: Ugh! Look, do you want a happy God or a vengeful God?

Todd: [quickly] Happy God.

Bart: Then quit flapping your lip and make with the cookies!

Todd+Rod: Yes, sir!
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Old 02-20-2010, 03:06 AM   #235
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Bart: Dad, when did you record an album?

Homer: I'm surprised you don't remember, son. It was only eight years ago.

Bart: Dad, thanks to television, I can't remember what happened eight minutes ago. [Everyone laughs uproariously except Bart] No, really, I can't! It's a serious problem. [Everyone laughs again, and Bart finally relents and laughs too] What are we all laughing about?

Homer: [joyously] Who cares? Anyways...
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Old 02-20-2010, 03:40 PM   #236
Supreme Olajuwon
You know that’s right
 
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St. Bartholomew: To inspire men, you must be brave. I introduced Christianity to Mongolia. It didn't take, but it was worth a try.

St. Lucian: Tell us, good Reverend, what great deeds have you done to inspire the hearts of men?

Lovejoy: Well, I had the vestibule recarpeted.

St. Donickus: I've appeared in over eight thousand visions, and that's the lamest reply I've ever heard.

Lovejoy: Oh, now please, I, I thought saints were supposed to be friendly.

St. Donickus: You ... you're just lucky God isn't here.
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Old 02-20-2010, 07:30 PM   #237
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mitch_h got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)mitch_h got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)mitch_h got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)mitch_h got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)mitch_h got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)mitch_h got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)mitch_h got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)mitch_h got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)mitch_h got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)mitch_h got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)mitch_h got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)mitch_h got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)
Hark to the tale of Nelson, and the boy he loved so dear. They remained the best of friends, for years and years and years.
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Old 02-20-2010, 07:46 PM   #238
Supreme Olajuwon
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Team Discovery Channel!
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Old 02-20-2010, 08:04 PM   #239
Cool King
King K Cool
 
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*Milhouse auditions to become Burns' heir*

Milhouse: I have nothing to offer you but my love.

Mr. Burns: I specifically said, no geeks!

Milhouse: But my mom says I'm cool.

*Nelson auditions to become Burns' heir*

Nelson: Gimme your fortune or I'll pound your withered old face in!

Mr. Burns: Ooh, I like his energy. Put him on the callback list.

*Martin auditions to become Burns' heir*

Martin: Clang, clang, clang, went the trolley! Ring, ring, ring, went the bell! Zing, zing, zing, went my heartstrings....

*Nelson cold-cocks Martin*

Mr. Burns: Thank you! *Turns to Smithers* Give the bully an extra point.
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Old 02-21-2010, 04:18 PM   #240
Cool King
King K Cool
 
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Hans Moleman: This is Moleman in the Morning, Good Moleman to you.
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