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#201 |
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President of Freedonia
Posts: 58,383
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Wally: I'm sorry, the guys made kind of a mess in your bathroom.
Bus Driver: What bathroom? Ticket Taker: Yeah, see, the hologram's missing, there's no such team as the Spungos, and finally, these tickets seem to be printed on some sort of cracker. *takes bite* Homer: Stop eating our tickets! Pat Summerall: Did it strike you as odd that in a Super Bowl show with Dolly Parton we didn't see any football or singing? John Madden: I hadn't thought about it, Pat. But in retrospect, it was kind of a rip-off! What a way to treat the loyal fans who've put up with so much nonsense from this franchise! |
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#202 |
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"Steven, your fossa!"
Posts: 9,603
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TV Narrator: Which two popular Simpsons characters have died in the last year? If you said Bleeding Gums Murphy and Dr. Marvin Monroe, you are wrong! They were never popular!
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#203 |
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Butt Stallion says hello
Posts: 1,792
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Homer: You know, one day we honest citizens are gonna stand up to you crooked cops.
Chief Wiggum: You are? Oh no! Have you set a date? |
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#204 |
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King K Cool
Posts: 28,472
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Fat Tony: I told you we should have bought more than three bullets!
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#205 |
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Skibbidy Lock Jaw
Posts: 88,919
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Apu: Who needs to Quick-E-Mart? I dooooooooooooooooo!
Homer: Hey! He's not happy at all! He lied to us! He lied to us through song! I HATE when that happens! Flanders: STELLA!!!! STELLA!!!!!! Can't you hear me yella, you're putting me through hella, Stella...... STELLA!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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#206 |
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Get a poke on
Posts: 35,234
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#207 |
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adjective noun
Posts: 30,419
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I'm seeing double....four Krustys
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#208 |
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Unnecessarily awesome
Posts: 8,323
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#209 |
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You know that’s right
Posts: 52,766
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TV: It's 11 O'clock. Do you know where your children are?
Homer: I told you last night NO! |
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#210 |
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King K Cool
Posts: 28,472
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Homer: Mmm....64 slices of American cheese. 64...63...
*Later That Night* Homer: 2....1. Marge: Have you been up all night eating cheese? Homer: I think I'm blind. |
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#211 |
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President of Freedonia
Posts: 58,383
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"Let me get this straight. You took all the money you made franchising your name and be it against the Harlem Globetrotters?"
"Aw, I thought the Generals were due! He's spinning the ball on his finger - just TAKE IT! TAKE THE BALL!...........that game was fixed, they were using a freakin' ladder for God's sakes." |
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#212 |
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Inno Knows.
Posts: 43,710
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"Excuse us Milton"
"It's Milhouse, sir" "Yeah and you're father is No House, no scram" |
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#213 |
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Unnecessarily awesome
Posts: 8,323
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Marge: Well, Homer, maybe you can take some consolation in the fact that something you created is making so many people happy.
Homer: [sarcastic voice] Ooh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the Magical Man from Happy-Land, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane! [walks out, slams the door, then sticks his head back in] Homer: Oh, by the way: I was being sarcastic. Marge: Well, duh. |
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#214 |
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Unnecessarily awesome
Posts: 8,323
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Homer: [scoffing] Well, if it isn't the leader of the wiener patrol, boning up on his nerd lessons.
Marge: Homer, you should be more supportive. Homer: You're right, Marge. Good work, boy. [ruffles Bart's hair] [Marge leaves] [singing] Egghead likes his booky-books! Marge: Homer! Homer: Just tucking him in. |
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#215 |
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love yourself
Posts: 47,788
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Principal Skinner: Attention all honor students will be rewarded with a trip to an archeological dig. Conversely, all detention students will be punished with a trip to an archaeological dig.
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#216 |
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adjective noun
Posts: 30,419
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And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course and forgot how to drive?
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#217 |
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adjective noun
Posts: 30,419
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First thing tomorrow morning I'm going to punch Lenny in the back of the head.
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#218 |
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You know that’s right
Posts: 52,766
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Homer: That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough! I'm going to Clown College!
Bart: ...I don't think any of us expected him to say that. |
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#219 |
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Pelvic Sorcerer
Posts: 64,762
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#220 |
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Unnecessarily awesome
Posts: 8,323
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Homer: Psh, English, who needs that, I'm never going to England.
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#221 |
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adjective noun
Posts: 30,419
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The animosity between Kent Brockman and Arnie Pye is somewhat underrated.
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#222 |
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King K Cool
Posts: 28,472
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#223 |
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King K Cool
Posts: 28,472
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#224 |
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History's Greatest, Mr. E
Posts: 42,425
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(Mr. Burns can't open his pickle jar in his lunch)
Smithers: Should I send out for some Chinese? Mr. Burns: No, those people are all gristle. |
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#225 |
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adjective noun
Posts: 30,419
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Those tourists were decapitated before they entered the Krustyland House of Knives
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#226 |
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"Steven, your fossa!"
Posts: 9,603
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Helicopter pilot: We're now approaching our final destination, Itchy and Scratchy Land, the amusement park of the future where nothing can possi-blye go wrong.
*everyone looks worried* Er, possibly go wrong. Heh, that's the first thing that's ever gone wrong. |
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#227 |
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Unnecessarily awesome
Posts: 8,323
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Lisa: Mom, Dad! Bart's dead! [Homer and Marge wake up, gasp]
Bart: [coming alive] That's right: dead serious about going to Itchy and Scratchy Land. [Homer and Marge groan] |
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#228 |
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Unnecessarily awesome
Posts: 8,323
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Frink: Man, if this is happening here, I'd hate to think of what's happening in Euro Itchy and Scratchy Land, n-hey.
[shot of empty parking lot in said park] Booth man: [French accent] Hello? Itchy and Scratchy Land open for business. Who are you to resist it, huh? Come on. My last paycheck bounced. My children need wine. |
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#229 |
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adjective noun
Posts: 30,419
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I was the happiest guy in the world, but fate likes to play a little game called 'Up Yours, Moe'.
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#230 |
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"Steven, your fossa!"
Posts: 9,603
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#231 |
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They/Them
Posts: 15,331
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Principal Skinner: Order! Order! Do you kids wanna be like the real U.N., or do you just wanna squabble and waste time?
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#232 |
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They/Them
Posts: 15,331
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Marge: You can't ask God to kill someone.
Homer: Yeah! You do your own dirty work. |
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#233 |
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He's Here
Posts: 60,735
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#234 |
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Unnecessarily awesome
Posts: 8,323
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Bart: [over the radio] Rod! Todd! This is God!
Rod: How did you get on the radio? Bart: Whaddya mean, how did I get on the radio? I created the universe! Stupid kid. Todd+Rod: [fall to their knees and clasp their hands] Todd: Forgive my brother. We believe you. Bart: Talk is cheap. Perhaps I'll test a guy's faith. Walk through the wall! I will remove it for you. Rod: [walks into the wall] [thud] Bart: Ha ha ha. Todd+Rod: [return to their knees in prayer] Todd: What do you want from us? Bart: I got a job for you. Bring forth all the cookies from your kitchen and leave them on the Simpsons' porch. Rod: But those cookies belong to our parents. Bart: Ugh! Look, do you want a happy God or a vengeful God? Todd: [quickly] Happy God. Bart: Then quit flapping your lip and make with the cookies! Todd+Rod: Yes, sir! |
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#235 |
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Unnecessarily awesome
Posts: 8,323
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Bart: Dad, when did you record an album?
Homer: I'm surprised you don't remember, son. It was only eight years ago. Bart: Dad, thanks to television, I can't remember what happened eight minutes ago. [Everyone laughs uproariously except Bart] No, really, I can't! It's a serious problem. [Everyone laughs again, and Bart finally relents and laughs too] What are we all laughing about? Homer: [joyously] Who cares? Anyways... |
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#236 |
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You know that’s right
Posts: 52,766
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St. Bartholomew: To inspire men, you must be brave. I introduced Christianity to Mongolia. It didn't take, but it was worth a try.
St. Lucian: Tell us, good Reverend, what great deeds have you done to inspire the hearts of men? Lovejoy: Well, I had the vestibule recarpeted. St. Donickus: I've appeared in over eight thousand visions, and that's the lamest reply I've ever heard. Lovejoy: Oh, now please, I, I thought saints were supposed to be friendly. St. Donickus: You ... you're just lucky God isn't here. |
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#237 |
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Posts: 6,727
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Hark to the tale of Nelson, and the boy he loved so dear. They remained the best of friends, for years and years and years.
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#238 |
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You know that’s right
Posts: 52,766
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Team Discovery Channel!
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#239 |
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King K Cool
Posts: 28,472
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*Milhouse auditions to become Burns' heir*
Milhouse: I have nothing to offer you but my love. Mr. Burns: I specifically said, no geeks! Milhouse: But my mom says I'm cool. *Nelson auditions to become Burns' heir* Nelson: Gimme your fortune or I'll pound your withered old face in! Mr. Burns: Ooh, I like his energy. Put him on the callback list. *Martin auditions to become Burns' heir* Martin: Clang, clang, clang, went the trolley! Ring, ring, ring, went the bell! Zing, zing, zing, went my heartstrings.... *Nelson cold-cocks Martin* Mr. Burns: Thank you! *Turns to Smithers* Give the bully an extra point. |
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#240 |
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King K Cool
Posts: 28,472
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Hans Moleman: This is Moleman in the Morning, Good Moleman to you.
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