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Old 02-13-2007, 02:26 AM   #281
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The dinosaurs didn't go extinct. They simply saw Kurt Angle coming and all got into a space ship bound for Venus.
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Old 02-13-2007, 02:36 AM   #282
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Kurt Angle once cured Eugene of his "specialness" by hugging him. However, a now-not-retarded Eugene was so happy that he ran straight into a pole, knocking himself out and reverting him back to this original state. Seeing this, Kurt laughed, and his laughter impregnated Stephanie McMahon, who gave birth to Aurora Rose nine months later. Upon coming out of the womb, Aurora Rose countered the doctor's attempted ass slap and made him tap out.
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Old 02-13-2007, 09:39 AM   #283
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The first heavier-than-air vehicle to break the sound barrier was actually a paper airplane made and thrown by Kurt Angle.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:11 AM   #284
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Kurt Angle was originally supposed to kill Dumbledore. JK Rollings had to re-write it when she realized Kurt Angle "accidentally" killed Harry Potter in the process.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:13 AM   #285
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All the technology seen on Star Trek was in fact invented by Kurt Angle in the 70's. He rightly refused to let anyone develop this technology, stating that only he should be allowed to travel faster than light.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:15 AM   #286
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A handicapped parking sign is really a warning that the spot belongs to Kurt Angle and that you will become handicapped if you park there.
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Old 02-13-2007, 11:13 AM   #287
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David defeated Goliath, not because of a rock, but because of Kurt Angle throwing David right between Goliath's eyes.
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Old 02-13-2007, 11:22 AM   #288
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Kurt Angle can make a woman orgasm just by winking at her and saying "Booya"
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Old 02-13-2007, 11:27 AM   #289
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Kurt Angle owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
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Old 02-13-2007, 11:29 AM   #290
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Kurt Angle's's sperm can penetrate 13 condoms, the birth control pill, a brick wall, and the 1975 Pittsburgh Steelers offensive line in order to impregnate a woman.
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Old 02-13-2007, 11:33 AM   #291
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Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? Kurt Angle did, and he ate the fucking jar, too.
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Old 02-13-2007, 11:33 AM   #292
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Who put the bomp in the bomp-a-bomp-a-bomp? Kurt Angle did, and he'll do it again if you're not careful.
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Old 02-13-2007, 11:34 AM   #293
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Kurt Angle invented Google after he lost his car keys. He figured he might as well search for everything else in the world, too, since he owns it.
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Old 02-13-2007, 11:41 AM   #294
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Kurt Angle can beat the Minus world in Super Mario Brothers.
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Old 02-13-2007, 12:22 PM   #295
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Kurt Angle killed 50 Cent and still had change to spare.
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Old 02-13-2007, 12:26 PM   #296
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In 1985, Kurt Angle had an assistant by the name Doctor Emmett Brown. To test his assistant's loyalty, he ordered him to retrieve a sports almanac from the year 2010. When insisting this was impossible, Angle gave Doc 3,000 continues German Suplexes into the base of a toilet, knocking him unconcious and giving him the vision of "The Flux Capacitor."
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Old 02-13-2007, 12:33 PM   #297
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Kurt Angle recieved one third of the total votes in a recent episode of "So you think you can dance". He did not appear on the show.
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Old 02-13-2007, 01:00 PM   #298
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As an infant, Kurt Angle's dirty diaper won The Pulitzer Prize...with a broken freakin' strap!
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Old 02-13-2007, 01:10 PM   #299
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A man once spent three days climbing a mountain only to discover that it was Kurt Angle's penis.
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Old 02-13-2007, 04:31 PM   #300
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In the year 2008, Kurt Angle will coach and quarterback the Detroit Lions to a Super Bowl victory. During the post game celebration, Angle will reveal that he wore shoe polish on his face and was actually Jim Brown, Walter Payton and Barry Sanders.
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Old 02-13-2007, 05:12 PM   #301
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Some of these are absolutely brilliant
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Old 02-13-2007, 07:37 PM   #302
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Sometimes real life is better than fiction. The hits just keep coming!!




Kurt Angle Helps out the Homeless

By Jesse Suchanek

Kurt Angle participated in a charity event sponsored by the Steve McAllen Radio Show in Orlando, Florida over the weekend. The event was held to help some local homeless families around Orlando. Kurt participated in "wrestling matches" with a few fans and signed some autogrpahs. Kurt said the event raised roughly 70 billion dollars, mostly through him just being there.

Kurt also mentioned how Vince was so scared of running his show against TNA this Monday that he had to go to USA and personally ask for the dog show to be put in Raw's place.

`Torch
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Old 02-13-2007, 08:49 PM   #303
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Vince McMahon moved SmackDOWN to Fridays a year in advance because he knew he'd face direct competition with Kurt Angle on TNA sometime down the line.
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Old 02-13-2007, 09:01 PM   #304
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John Cena really is black, before his debut Kurt Angle slapped the color off him.
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Old 02-13-2007, 09:12 PM   #305
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Hurricane Katrina was a cover up. The destruction of New Orleans was actually caused by Kurt Angle exhaling a particularly deep breath.
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Old 02-13-2007, 09:16 PM   #306
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The levees in New Orleans didn't break, Kurt Angle Angle Slammed homelessness into it.
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Old 02-13-2007, 09:46 PM   #307
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Jack and Jill ran up the hill, Kurt Angle Angle Slammed Jack down and made sweet barbaric love to Jill, then they both went home crying.
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Old 02-13-2007, 09:50 PM   #308
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Kurt Angle did raise 70 billion dollars for the homeless. He made it by cutting corners on the "safety" of his merchandise, Kurt doesn't believe in safety.

And just from me to you, if you own a Kurt Angle t-shirt and don't want to die in a fiery explosion...well, all I can say is March twelfth 2007. Trust me, get out of the house.
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Old 02-13-2007, 09:56 PM   #309
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Kurt doesn't use birth control. The overwhelming force of his sperm not only shatters eggs, but often ruptures uteruses.
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Old 02-13-2007, 09:58 PM   #310
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"King Kurt" Was a reference to the time he fought Jesus in a last man standing (on water) match for the "King of Kings" title. He has since worked out a licensing deal with Jesus, but frequently refers to his "glass jaw."
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:02 PM   #311
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When Charlton Heston spoke out against gun control in 2000, he double checked for Kurt Angle when he reached the "from my cold dead hands" part of his speech. For he knew, oh HE knew...

BONUS!: Guns don't kill people, Kurt Angle kills people and makes their pets watch.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:03 PM   #312
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Some people smoke crack, Kurt Angle cracks smoke.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:08 PM   #313
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The only way to hurt Kurt Angle is shoot him with another Kurt Angle, fired out of a cannon.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:11 PM   #314
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Kurt Angle didn't "go crazy" he actually "transcended sanity"
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:12 PM   #315
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One must promptly recognize Kurt Angle... always. One time, my buddy said, "Is that Kurt A-", and his head exploded.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:12 PM   #316
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Verne Troyer (AKA Mini Me) was once an up and coming college basketball star. One day, during a one on one pick up game with Kurt Angle, Verne dunked on Angle and proceeded to trash talk. Needless to say, Kurt Angle Slammed Verne directly onto his head, shrinking him from 6'10 to 3'5.

The moral: Despite what Kid Rock says, it's bragging even if you can back it up. And if Kurt Angle catches you doing it, he will drill you into the pavement head first.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:15 PM   #317
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Not only did Kurt have sex with Trish Stratus, he also boned the cast's of Celebrity Fit Club and Dragonball Z
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:17 PM   #318
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Kurt Angle understood all of the ending of the second Matrix after only one viewing.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:17 PM   #319
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Kurt Angle could destroy all of humanity. Sadly the effort would kill him, allowing the planet to be taken over by damn dirty apes. And if there's anything Kurt hates more than homelessness(icity), it's those damn dirty apes.
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Old 02-13-2007, 10:18 PM   #320
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Quote:
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Kurt Angle understood all of the ending of the second Matrix just by reading the back of the DVD.
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