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05-25-2004, 05:37 PM
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#1 |
Posts: 18,357
  
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RAW Captions [5-24-2004]
                        
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05-25-2004, 05:40 PM
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#2 |
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The Caption Crippler
Posts: 8,855
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See Chris, if you hold it up to your ear, you can hear the ocean |
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05-25-2004, 05:41 PM
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#3 |
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The Classic Dylan Staples
Posts: 51,521
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WWE debuts footage of their newest video game. HHH was inspired by the sign in the crowd, so he decided to create a new Hulk Hogan gimmick. He started by ripping off his shirt. |
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05-25-2004, 05:57 PM
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#4 |
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Posts: 18,357
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An irate Triple H wanted to know and he wanted to know now: WHERE'S THE CREAM FILLING???" It became apparent the company wasn't doing so well when Edge spend five minutes looking around for people actually in the arena. Together, Edge and ref gained revenge for smarks anywhere. Chiota: "So you don't want people to use 'insider' language eh? Well use THIS!!!" How they managed to get Triple H in the time-out chair is beyond me, but whoever did it HAS to be pretty scary. Vince's search for the next Cruiserweight champion was going well. "Ow my braces!" Rosie came to Hurricane's assistance after he pulled a Nash. Orton took the time to show off his IC Title and his really cool Jericho action figure. Both: "That's a good question. Where IS the cream filling?" Edge the Human Enema strikes again! History was made when Lawler's attention was NOT focused on a hot girl near him. *thinking* "Hm... why isn't a quarterback change?" Both Jericho and Benjamin were grossed out when the ref started doing a striptease off-screen. Jericho had always wanted to be taller so management would think he was a hoss and push him, but having Tomko shoved up his ass to elevate him wasn't what he had in mind. Tyson: "Now I have you prone. I'm going to RAVAGE you!!!" Jericho:  "Being trapped in midcard hell isn't a bad thing, it's a good thing!" Try as she might, Molly just couldn't reattach Victoria's head back to her body. Bischoff entertains the RAW lockerroom by literally holding down Gary Coleman. Steven Richards loved it when Eugene pleasured him like an animal while Benoit levitated him in midair. Not even Evolution could hold Triple H back in his quest to find the cream filling. Here's a random picture of Jim Duggan bitter at the WWE and ready to fight. Shawn may have kicked Flair's head off, but in the end, Ric got the last laugh. He stole Shawn's shoe. No one would ever forget the carnage that ensued from The Scuffle for the Last Cup Cake. Hunter was stunned. ...so it was Michaels who'd stolen the cream filling!!! |
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05-25-2004, 06:02 PM
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#5 |
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WOOOOOOOOO!
Posts: 12,237
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Vince: Hey Corkscrewed...I'll show you cream filling |
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05-25-2004, 06:03 PM
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#6 |
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Spammy Certified
Posts: 46,132
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Vince: Pimpin these bitches is easy! Girl: Did you just call us bitches? Vince: Are you stepping out of line? Do I need to get Steve. |
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05-25-2004, 06:04 PM
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#7 |
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Ron Paul 4 EVA
Posts: 152,467
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Eric: Hands on your head! Triple H: No way, Eric! You didn't say "Simon Says." --Or-- Grandpa Helmsley asked why Chavo got to hold a midcard title, and he didn't. The WWE streaker strikes again. Ric: That one looks like a bunny. Edge: That one looks like a cloud. Ric:  As Triple H waited for the ambulance, he cursed himself sitting in Rhyno's chair. JR: Tonight on Monday night Raw: Vince McMahon versus fifteen interns in a Class Action Sexual Harrassment lawsuit form HELL! Matt: Lita, your cell phone's digging into my hip... Lita: Uhhhh...Right...Cell phone... Now, Hurricane understood why they were called "Silent But Deadly." You too can have hairless armpits...With new Randy Orton: Nair. Orton: Hey Chris. Jericho: What? Orton: Did you see Rhyno near my belt backstage? Jericho: You're stuck, aren't you? Yet another member of Evolution falls victim to Rhyno's pranks, as Batista discovers that his testicles were still firmly attached to the ringpost. King and JR both groaned. The FCC wasn't going to like a pair of testicles dangling on live TV Hey trish! how do you keep a blonde in suspsense? Jericho: Hey Shelton, how do you keep a blonde in suspense? Benjamin: Ask me in five minutes. When GI Joe found Barbie in bed with Ken again, he decided to take matters into his own hands. --OR-- If you froze the tape at this exact moment, you could see the precise time when all chances of Jericho getting a decent push died. Tyson: I'm a generic hoss. You're nothing but an attractive, talented, athletic, charismatic performer. how DARE you steal my limelight? Hehehehe...That blonde joke was pretty funny... After another botched Lita spot, Molly graciously tries to help reattach Victoria's head. It's not laughing matter as Eric shows how tall Rob Feinstein's last date was. The fans rejoiced, as the WWE champion still wasn't Triple H. "you won't like me...When I'm angry..." ... ... ... "That's weird, it always worked on TV... ...And with a fart that would make Rikishi proud... Triple H, your WWE Spelling Bee word is: humility. --Or-- Triple H makes his best attempt at a Keannu Reeves impression. "hey Shawn! You got some spinach in your teeth!" Shawn: Really? Where? Last edited by Kane Knight; 05-25-2004 at 06:06 PM. Reason: eye dunt noe hwo two speel |
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05-25-2004, 06:06 PM
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#8 |
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WOOOOOOOOO!
Posts: 12,237
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Batista does his Michael Jackson "HEE HOO" imitation |
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05-25-2004, 06:07 PM
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#9 |
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EL MERO MERO!
Posts: 4,259
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Bastista: Say, what do you think.. about what Splinter said? HHH: ..Pizza guy's got 30 seconds. [NAME THIS MOVIE!] Randall: Uh, Chris? I don't think I can hear the ocean with this? Jericho: Keep trying,bucko. You get it. *coughcoughASSCLOWNcoughcough* Vince enters the Reality Show circuit again by his new series "Which girl is a dude." Rosie: Shane warned you! He said "stay in the back"! And look what happened?! Admire this,Dinsmore fans. This may the only time he will holding the World Title with this gimmick. Everyone had the same reaction as Jericho has there, when he found out he was fueding with Tomko. Bischoff: I'm sorry,guys. You have to be this tall to ride the Bumblebee ride. All: AWWWWWW!! HHH,after the news of the Bumblebee ride incident. RKO: Don't worry,champ. You can ride the Legend Killer for free. Palumbo: Ew..HEY! I'M ON TV! /EDIT: Sorry,trnbuckle about the title/ocean cap. I didn't think anyone used it before me. Last edited by Gone Mad; 05-25-2004 at 06:18 PM. |
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05-25-2004, 06:26 PM
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#10 |
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Banned WWE on 1/1/07
Posts: 2,141
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A glimpse at a date between Batista and HHH:
HHH: You set me up with WHO?!?! Where are all of the women? ...... Vince: Ladies, it's time for my colonoscopy! First one to find a growth gets a kiss!!! ...... ---Later--- Batista: Where's the vallet? HHH: I was carrying his ass his whole career. I had the writers leave him out of the show. I can cover his spot. Batista: .......Doesn't that mean you should go get the car? HHH: What the hell do you think I'm doing? It takes a great deal of talent to get the car while sitting down in this chair. ---Later still: Conversation at the restaurant--- Buh? Fuh! Duh! |
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05-25-2004, 06:39 PM
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#11 | |
Posts: 1,008
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Quote:
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05-25-2004, 06:44 PM
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#12 |
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EL MERO MERO!
Posts: 4,259
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CBright, you win a rep! Congrats on your knowledge o pop culture!
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05-25-2004, 06:44 PM
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#13 |
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Ron Paul 4 EVA
Posts: 152,467
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And it's dude, not guy.
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05-25-2004, 06:46 PM
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#14 |
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EL MERO MERO!
Posts: 4,259
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Thank you, Kane Knight. Extra Credit for "dude" comment! I knew I got something wrong there.
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05-25-2004, 06:47 PM
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#15 |
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President of Freedonia
Posts: 58,383
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And so the HHH vs. Raw roster handicap match FINALLY happened............and the outcome............ .....HHH won. |
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05-25-2004, 06:52 PM
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#16 |
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Posts: 129
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Batista: A hiptoss? What's that? Ah dang, that sucked... 
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05-25-2004, 07:07 PM
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#17 |
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He's Here
Posts: 60,735
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Eric: Hunter... I'm fed up with this! HHH: What!? Eric: You have added extra limbs for the last time! HHH: But Randy said I could do it! Edge: I spy with my little eye... Something big, green, AND ITS COMING RIGHT FOR US! Here we see the legendary Ric Flair, napping on the job. He was supposed to win this match, but fell asleep during the three count... Batista: Hey Hunter, you like my Brock Lesnar hop? Hunter: Yeah yeah, its fine... Hey, is that the ice cream man? Vince (Thinking): I farted, and no one cares... Girl in the Red Shirt (Thinking): What smells like old man farts? Seconds later, Lita botches the kiss and rips off Matt's lower lip. Rosey: WHYYYYYYYYYYY!? Randy: WOO! IM IC CHAMP AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME! Jericho: **Sigh** Randy (10 minuites later): WOO! IM IC CHAMP AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME! Jericho: Oh, look at the time... 'Bout time to be hittin the 'ol dusty trail... Randy and Jericho looking into their futures on the Jerich-tron 4000. Randy: Well, looks like I'm world champ... What about... Oh, sorry, Chris, I thought that scene of the gass station was a filler... Jericho: ..... F*ck you Randy... Batista: Ahh cahnt oove eye wits... Daa dat Rhyno! I dont even want to know what JR is doing there... KISSY FACE! Jericho: EWW! SPIDER! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! Lets just say that this isnt a powerbomb... Jericho after the "powerbomb"... Kane's new gimmick: Hulk Hokane! Ref: Shake my hand! Victoria: This isnt the time! Eric: I... have a vision... A vision for a NEW Raw... Chris: Well, lets just hope it's nothing like your "new vision" for WCW... **All laugh** Eric: Sh... Shut up! You know, I see this popping up on websites with the headline "Eugene wins titles at House Show! DOUBLE CHAMPION!" Chuck: Hey! Lets play grab ass! Ill start! **Grabs Hunter's ass** Hunter: HEY!? **Slaps Chuck** Triple H didnt know where he was when he came to, he just knew he had horible hemorids... JR: SUPERKICKBAHGAWDPEDIGREESUPERKICKMICHAELSMICHAELSMICHAELS! Cat Woman saves the day when she stops the riot! Triple H (After seeing the sex tape for the first time):Wow... I didnt know it was THAT disguesting... **Pukes** As Eric moved across the screen making "choo choo" noises, Shawn was having his teeth checked by the road agents... |
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05-25-2004, 07:35 PM
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#18 | |
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Posts: 1,008
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Quote:
Michaelangelo: Pizza dude's got thirty seconds. Donatello: Hey Mikey, did you ever think about what Splinter said tonight? I mean about what it would be like... You know, not having him? Michaelangelo: Hmm... Time's up. Three bucks off. |
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05-25-2004, 07:49 PM
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#19 |
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Forum Happy Cat
Posts: 7,884
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HHH is horrified when he sees Stephanie without makeup for the first time "The following contest is scheduled for one fall. In the ring at this time is EDGE! And his opponent making his way to the ring, is a giant orange cat with glowing blue eyes!" The partisan referee continued smacking Ric Flair in the nose. "Trips, I know she isn't as much of a looker without the greasepaint, but that's hardly grounds for a divorce." The years had not been kind to Hugh Hefner. As they kissed passionately, Matt Hardy's second mouth bit Lita's nose. Just as he was about to start the match, The Hurricane realised the awful truth: he, once reknowned as the best cruiserweight in the WWE, was stuck in a dead end gimmick and partnered with a fat guy who sucked heat better than a black hole. He collapsed to the floor, sobbing over the ruin his life had become Unbeknownst to Orton, Jericho and Midget Jericho had crept up behind him whilst he wasn't looking. Jericho was unimpressed by Randy Orton's "Mr Belty" ventriloquist routine. Midget Jericho, on the other hand, thought it was awesome, and gave Orton a great big hug. "Well, paint me green and put me in a crappy Ang Lee movie!" King and JR were unimpressed by Trish, even when she blew fire out of her nostrils. In the prank of the day, parties unknown shrink Trish's mouth down to roughly the size of a cherry. Shelton was ready to fight, but Jericho insisted they finish their chorus of "life is a cabaret" Jericho tried to impress his ex girlfriend with his ability to poop canadian micarders on command. It was morning in Jericho's Weird Cyberpunk mansion, and just like every other day he was awoken by his weird half naked butler. WWE announced that one of their best known hosses was now available in a new flavor! You could enjoy new Orange Kane, or the great taste of Kane Classic. Lita's reputation as the queen of blown spots was put in jeopardy when Molly Holly accidentally pulled Victoria's head off. With the locker room watching, Eric Bischoff made the Invisible Man lower his head so he could Pay His Dues. Eugene was the winner of WWE's Biggest Tongue competition for the second month in a row. Suddenly he became much more popular with the womenfolk. HHH finally knew the shame Janet Jackson had felt. Curse that Justin Timberlake! As his trousers loudly ripped in the seat, trips knew he shouldn't have put them through on boil wash. Annoyed at being upstaged, HHH showed that Jericho was not the only one who could poop midcarders. The cover shoot for "men alone 23: Fifteen To One" was an artistic masterpiece. If Stephanie without her makeup had been a shock for trips, it was nothing compared to seeing the photos of what she'd looked like before the plastic surgery. The ring crew tried to quarantine Shawn Michaels so that his severe case of Gerbil Fever didn't spread. |
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05-25-2004, 07:50 PM
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#20 | |
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your nemesis
Posts: 2,023
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Quote:
Last edited by Bricktop; 05-25-2004 at 08:19 PM. |
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05-25-2004, 08:53 PM
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#21 |
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It is what it is n heaven
Posts: 129
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Eric begins to grow tired and irate waiting on his turn for the Randy Orton anal massage. JR: Bah Gawd! Sharpshooter! Sharpshooter! Sharpshooter! Vince: Just think about it gentlemen, one of these beautiful ladies could bury YOU on Smackdown! Fox presents............"When Kisssing Goes Wrong: The Botching Bitches" *Jericho thinking* So they're actually going to give this Howdy Doody looking jackass a huge push instead of me or Christian?? A crazed Randy Savage returns to Raw and steals Benoit's titles before being escorted out of the building. HHH: When you hurt my friends then you hurt my pride! Orton: WHAT THE HELL is Palumbo doing here??? Palumbo: hehe, I'm on TV. Raw Superstars it's finally your chance to hold down the man who has been holding all you down! HHH: The glass field you bitches. |
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05-25-2004, 11:20 PM
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#22 |
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I lied. It was me.
Posts: 3,376
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HHH: 30 Minutes just isn't enough Eric. I need a whole hour to get through my speech. Is that too much to ask? *Eric thinking* Why don't we just rename it the HHH show? Oh shit, don't give him any ideas! Edge realized it was a mistake to have eaten part of that magic mushroom when he started to grow...and grow...and grow... Edge: Ric, dude, you have to relax so I can get it out! Ric: How the hell am I suppose to relax with your hand shoved up my ass?! HHH and Batista practicing for their next job...Hollywood tours. Batista: And here on the left you'll see... Hey Hunter! It's the Rock! HHH: Shut up Dave! *Vince thinking* I'm gonna see boobs! *Girl in Red* He doesn't honestly think we're auditioning naked does he? Matt: Oh Lita! Lita: Hey Matt, can you get your NOSE out of my EYE? During the first televised WWE Aerobics Zone, Hurricane demonstrates a new crunch technique, while Rosey explains the proper steps to fitness. "By the power of Grayskull...I have the power!!!" Randy's new gimmick just wasn't as impressive without the sword. Randy: Dude, I forgot my lines. Jericho: You've been hanging around Lita again haven't you? Whoa! Stop! I'm not due for my next prostate exam until next month. Trish whispering: Jerry, get your hand off my thigh! Jerichos wrong! I'm not a sourpuss! Jericho: On three Shelton...1...2... Shelton: Listen Chris, I'm really not into this whole line dancing thing... No one in the back wanted to work with Tomko after he debuted his new move..."The Blowjob from Hell". Tomko: Chris wake up! We're in the middle of a Raw taping. Jericho: Just 5 more minutes mom, please? Remember when your mom told you if you kept making that face it would freeze that way... Molly: When I was little I used to rip the heads off my Barbies and keep them in a shoe box. How come this one is so hard to pull off!?! So without the lifts in his boots, Jericho is only this tall. Honest! Eugene was hired for the next "Just say no!" campaign... Eugene: ...and this is HHH on drugs! Chuck: Hey Hunter, I figured out why you walk so funny. Hold still while I pull this stick out of your ass. *Randy thinking* How come we get all the shitty jobs? I'm feeling a little weird here Chuck. Are you sure I don't need that stick up there? HBK: I told you! No licking my shoes in the ring! Now let go of my foot! The WWE's first orgy invitational turned out to be a bust when none of the female participants showed up. Quick Hunter! What's your name? "You dirty rat, I'm going to get rid of you just like you gave it to my brother" Shawns' Cagney impression was met with mixed reviews. The largest share suggested he not quit his day job... |
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05-25-2004, 11:34 PM
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#23 |
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One Man Horror Show
Posts: 1,046
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Heh. Kudos to everyone! Lotsa quality captions this week.
And Lammy ALWAYS makes it look so easy. *sigh* |
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05-25-2004, 11:39 PM
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#24 |
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Ron Paul 4 EVA
Posts: 152,467
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LMAO @ RK's.
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05-25-2004, 11:43 PM
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#25 |
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my other rides your mom
Posts: 6,346
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Any way you can get that pic of orton bouncing on the rope double flipping off Shelton....that pic will be classic...it was this past raw to..
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05-25-2004, 11:49 PM
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#26 |
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Spammy Certified
Posts: 46,132
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HHH: I wanna go out there! Orton: No Hunter you must stay in the back, There's a hurricane coming through. |
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05-26-2004, 12:15 AM
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#27 |
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WOOOOOOOOO!
Posts: 12,237
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Yo...it's me...it's me...it's K-A-N-E |
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05-26-2004, 12:31 AM
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#28 |
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One Man Horror Show
Posts: 1,046
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Cameraman: "Oh my God, Vince! There's a whole sorority standing right behind you!" Vince: "Sheah right. I'm not falling for that one again." Shelton tried to hold in his lunch when he realized that the old adage was true: white men really couldn't dance. |
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05-26-2004, 12:36 AM
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#29 |
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Ron Paul 4 EVA
Posts: 152,467
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 @Santo.
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05-26-2004, 01:14 AM
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#30 |
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Posts: 270
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Chuck:And they thought the Billy and Chuck thing was a routine The predator goes in for the kill of the injured prey Damn i suck at this |
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05-26-2004, 01:33 AM
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#31 | |
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Capcom's Corporate Champ
Posts: 2,571
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Quote:
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05-26-2004, 01:42 AM
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#32 |
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As over as Crystal Pepsi
Posts: 21,639
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As always I’m sorry if I stole any jokes, I didn’t read them before I made them.
Eric: Man, I’m jealous of you, Trips. Not only do you get to violate my boss’s daughter, but you also have help being a little tea pot. Edge fell over two second later as the pain from the baseball that hit him in the groin set in. Ric: Hey! I’m Triple H’s buddy! Why am I jobbing to you? Edge: Because I’m his lover! Yep… no one passing by is going to find it awkward to see some dude sitting in a chair with a big tattooed guy standing behind him outside… Reeeeal inconspicuous … Next time you insult Vince just remember that he has slept with every girl in that room. Who’s the loser now? Matt Hardy had no idea that a dementor could suck out someone’s talent and soul. (saw Shrek 2, it had previews for the new Harry Potter movie, had to make a Harry Potter joke) With Booker T now on SmackDown, the first ever Raw Spin-A-Roonie contest was on. The winner would have to try to out Spin-A-Roonie Eugene in the semi finals. Jericho could just feel his talent seep out of him as he stood in the same ring as Randy. Jericho: Come on Randy, it’s vase time. Orton: Right-o! Jericho: Right now, I mean. Orton: But I am doing the vase. Jericho: You’re doing it wrong. Orton: Like that’s new. When a wrestler can’t see his cue cards it’s time for glasses. Jim Ross: BAH GAWD! HE JUST LITERALLY CRUSHED HIS SKULL BETWEEN HIS FOREFINGER AND THUMB AS HE GRINDS HIS BRAIN TO DUST FOR THE ZOMBIES TO DEVOUR!!!! IN ALL MY YEARS OF ANNOUNCING I HAVE NEVER SEEN SUCH CARNAGE!!! King: It’s a top wrist lock. Trish: Screw this, I’m out. Oh, that heart breaker Trish, kissing Steven Richards on live TV. Jericho: It’s just a thought, so take your time thinking about it. Shelton: NO! Jericho: But come on, we could make a lot of money on it. Shelton: NO! Jericho: But we could be in the movies! Shelton: No! Jericho: Benny, come on… Please? Shelton: FOR THE LAST GOD DAMNED TIME I AM NOT GOING TO CO-STAR IN WITH YOU IN THE MASSACHUETTS VERSION OF “LOOK WHO’S COMING TO DINNER!!!” Trish and Tyson failed their history homework when they couldn’t remember how to do the Doomsday Device. Chris fainted when he saw the droid project the Tyson hologram. |
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05-26-2004, 01:44 AM
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#33 |
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As over as Crystal Pepsi
Posts: 21,639
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The new WWE First Person Shooter game featured a random smark who had to cut promos on over rated main eventers. Even Thing wanted to choke Victoria after he dancing. Eric: Now unless your initials are H, H, H, then this is how you get a push. Eugene: I dedicate these titles to everyone who deserves airtime but won’t get it! Triple H: He’ll be a great addition to Evolution! Halfway through his Incredible Hulk transformation, Triple H sees the desert cart, and calms down. And now we know where Victoria learned how to dance. With Kurt on the shelf, Ric Flair takes it upon himself to administer the Ankle Lock. Sometimes Triple H needs a hug, and sometimes he needs a HUG! Triple H: Wait a second, you mean SmackDown still has a Champion? HBK: Come on Eric! It’s me! Let me in! Eric: I’m sorry Shawn, but if you don’t have a ticket, I can’t let you in. HBK: But it’s Hanson, live, in concert! You gotta let me in! Dave: Are you sure this is where the parade is going to start? Triple H: Of course I’m sure. Ric wouldn’t play a joke on me. Dave: ….. Vince: Hello, I’m Vincent Kennedy McMahon, and why am I smiling, and why are all of these lovely ladies smiling? No, I’m not taking any natural male enhancement drug, I just take care of my genetic jackhammer! Rhyno never missed an opportunity to attend group hugs when his friend Elmer was with him. |
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05-26-2004, 02:03 AM
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#34 |
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Bo Knows
Posts: 2,786
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After finishing his match Batista goes back to his alter ego of Chino Moreno - Lead singer of Defotnes. |
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05-26-2004, 04:43 AM
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#35 |
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As over as Crystal Pepsi
Posts: 21,639
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Vince: Thank You, Fab 5! Your "Queer Eye" make over has done wonders for me! |
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05-26-2004, 04:56 AM
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#36 |
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Ron Paul 4 EVA
Posts: 152,467
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LOL@ Queer Eye.
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05-26-2004, 05:08 AM
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#37 |
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whipped is the best
Posts: 89
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REF: and thats what you get for making that stewardess touch your weiner! BATISTA: yeah, why the hell did i get a chicks tatoo around my belly button Y2J: hey benji, look at me dance!! look at me dance!! SHELTON: omg, not again Even though he instigated the prank, Rhyno helped everyone else try to remove the IC belt that was glued to Randy |
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05-26-2004, 09:25 AM
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#38 |
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WOOOOOOOOO!
Posts: 12,237
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HHH: Why am I not champ yet Eric??? I mean I've buried everyone on the roster and made them look bad yet I'm not champ?? *5 minustes later* HHH: Damn Eric sending me to the Time Out Chair Batista:*thinking* Phew...ok, match...match...i can do this...ok....wrestling...ya. Last edited by Blue Demon; 05-26-2004 at 11:06 AM. |
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05-26-2004, 10:47 AM
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#39 |
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The Caption Crippler
Posts: 8,855
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HHH: What are you looking at? Eric: You've got a huge push sticking out of your nose The WWE was so charitable they had a Make a Wish kid be HHH for a day Kane(singing): I've got a push and you don't |
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05-26-2004, 11:20 AM
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#40 |
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Triple A's a bitch
Posts: 1,039
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Eric: Hunter - what's going on? HHH: I want my belt back! Eric: But you've got that much fake tan on that you look like Val Venis! HHH: Uuummm.....I only put on a little bit.... Eric: I can't put you on RAW like this! HHH: Why not? Eric: Everyone will know that you and Dave have been 'bumping uglies' again! HHH:  Edge realised there were better times and places to follow through on a fart. Edge: We have to make Ric retire Mike. Keep hitting him, it's the only way! Mike: It's...*thump*... For..*thump*...Your..*thump*...Own..*thump*..Good..*thump* HHH's attempt to convince Dave that they could both hide behind the red cushion until Vince's limo pulled up was flawed from the start. Dave knew that the cushion couldn't possibly cover both HHH, Batista AND the legs of HHH's chair! Welcome to Vince McMahons new and improved XXXFL, now featuring naked lesbian football players! Matt's attempt to enjoy a quiet hotdog were thwarted when Lita walked up and bit him on the face. He wouldn't normally have bothered, but he was really enjoying that hotdog! Hurricane failed to heed the warning in his entrance theme, and never stood back as the Hurricane came through. Orton: I AM THE IC CHAMPION! Jericho: Enjoy it while it lasts.... Orton: I AM THE MAN! Jericho: I remember those days... Orton: VINCE LOVES ME! Jericho: yeah, but he's fickle... Orton: MY TITLE REIGN WILL GO ON FOREVER! Jericho: that's what they told me too..... Orton: Hey Chris, did you say something? Jericho: Nah, just reminiscing quietly to myself. Orton: Look at my title. Isn't it shiny? Jericho: It's alright. Orton: You're jealous! Jericho: Me? Been there, seen it, done it, got the t-shirt, watched the video, cut the promo, taken the bumps, enjoyed the push, wore the belt, had the chicks, got the haircuts, watched Vince change his mind and relegate me to mid-card hell, made the face turn, made the heel turn, had the main-event..... Orton: Wait! What was that one near the end? Jericho: Which one? Orton: The Main Event - that sounds neat! Jericho: dumb-ass poser! Batista: I heard that Jericho! You called Orton a Dumb-Ass Poser! Well there's only one Dumb-Ass Poser on RAW and it ain't Randy Orton! Jericho: and we all know who that is...... Trish: You know, Dave might have a bigger chest than me......did I just say that out loud? King: um......puppies? JR: BBQ SAUCE! Trish *thinking*: Hmmm....Haggis Ravioli in a Whisky Caffe Latte Sauce or Roasted Red Pepper and Grilled Goats Cheese Tartlets? Why can't I ever decide? Why Shelton declined the invitation to sing 'The Camptown Ladies' with Jericho was a mystery to no-one except Jericho. Jericho: Sing dammit! Shelton: Ain't gonna happen! WWE Managements attempts to organise a team building day got declared formally 'stupid' after they blindfolded Tyson Tomko, got him to carry Jericho backwards, and told Trish to guide them to the ring using hand signals only. End result: A Lita* *definition of a Lita: Botch beyond normal human comprehension, despite instruction, coaching, demonstrations and other assorted learning aids. Kane's stand-up comedy segment went down like a lead balloon, after asking the audience what the difference between Katie Vick and Lita was, and then promptly forgetting the punchline. Victoria: Molly! It's not a wig! Stop trying to pull it off! Eric: So we need a 20 second filler segment before we go to commercial so I thought I could use this time to get you guys on TV, don't forget in the overall grand scheme of talent on RAW, you guys might as well be this height in Vince's eyes, including you Benoit! Chris: Then how do you explain my push? Eric: Typo. Eugene's HHH impression: 'I've got all the gold! I've got all the gold!' HHH: That bastards got all my gold! Orton: If I could just ask you to move your hand a little this way, and unclench you fist a little more, H. HHH: Really not the time! In a move to confuse the audience, HHH made his way to the ring impersonating HBK. Luckily a jobber ran out from the back, and he was able to pull off the Sweet Chin Music impression perfectly. HHH *thinking*: Roll on HIAC! No-one will be able to tell us apart, so they'll all be cheering Sean, but they'll really be cheering me! Suckers! In an impromptu display of affection, Eugene's birthday caused all the roster to come out and give him a good hearty pat on the back. That Eugene - he's such a nice guy! Vince (offscreen): Hunter, will you come and loofah my stretchmarks? HBK *shouting to the audience*: IT'S THE TEETH! YOU CAN TELL US APART BY THE TEETH! |
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