SmackDown Captions (02/12/04)

**FourFifty** · 02-12-2004, 10:12 PM

Okay, I have the time to work the HTML codes, don�t have time to start the captions, however, the pics are up at 6:00pm,Cali time.

**FourFifty** · 02-12-2004, 10:13 PM

**Vega** · 02-12-2004, 10:25 PM

Back in Japan, gimps were not only legal, but encouraged.

REF: Excessive celebration, 15 yard penalty
Rey: What the ****?

Chavo: That's not Rey! It's a MAN baby!
Rey: Seriously, what the **** is going on here?

It appears that some of the wrestlers took "watch out for eachother in the ring" a little to literally, as they were checking eachother for prostate cancer.

Holly was enraged at the new sign stating "talent only" instead of the old "wrestlers only" sign, thus the reason security had to remove him from the building.

In hopes of gaining the talent of Eddie Guererro, Brock started listening to mariachi music.

Brock: Sour snagglepusses started stirring sweet sporatic spaghetti swirls in swahili!

Eddie: That ain't nothin, Brock.

As a last restort, Eddie was forced to use his penis as an illegal weapon.

The WWE had it's first ever "random fan deathmatch"

Try as he might, Big Show couldn't grasp the concept of the Atkin's Diet.

Chavo: I'LL GET YOU STEVEN RICHARDS!

The WWE went a little far in their "escape the rules" campaign when they had the record holder for the world's largest piece of shit come to Smackdown to show it off.

Ref: So then she said "Ham? more like a hamBURGER!! haha get it?

**Rock Bottom** · 02-12-2004, 10:26 PM

Heh, it's not even over yet
Edit: fuck, my mouse jammed up and my captions are gone, redoing them

**Savio** · 02-12-2004, 10:48 PM

Big show tries out for evolution

Holly after hearing from vince "I think you should break your neck again....Its for the best"

For reasons unknown Heyman was upset with nidia and made her give A-Train a bikini wax

**Fryza** · 02-12-2004, 11:08 PM

Tajiri: HORY SHIT! IS THAT SREAN?!

The ref's Hogan flex just didn't have the steroids to look real enough. He was reffing Velocity the next day.

Chavo: One of these days Rey....WHAM! BAM! STRAIGHT TO THE DARK MATCH!

Jorge: Don't mind me, just passing through..

Chavo was horrified as Steven Richards began ignoring brands

Scotty kept BashamA down, while the ref read him his rights.

Wait, isn't the head supposed to come out first when giving bir...WAIT A MINUTE, I THOUGHT WOMEN AND SHANIQUA COULD HAVE KIDS!

Rhyno: Well I was the LAST ECW Champion!
Holly: I have a winning streak above one.
Rhyno:

The "I'm With Stupid" hand is seen making its WWE debute, pointing out the idiot it's with.

Rhyno was more than enraged when the guy with less hair than Holly called him a Homo AND a jobber.

Sad when workers are getting held back by refs.

Pedro the Marachi Hoss debutes.

Brock: I'm only going to ask you two questions. Who shot Mick twice, why were you logged on to TPWW.net, and why aren't they airing new episodes of Teletubbies?
Eddie: ...

Bradshaw shed a tear. He wish he was half as good as those kids he watched during that BYW video.

I never want to see Bradshaw give the ring post a blow job ever again...neither does Shelton..

**Rock Bottom** · 02-12-2004, 11:20 PM

Tajiri's face lit up with joy as the ref helped him deliver his first child.

Rey: "WTF is Shad?"

Chavo thought he was going to punch Rey, but was blind-sided by the large fist as Rey cast the spell, "Bigby's Crushing Hand."
(Rep for reference)

After discovering that it was Chavo Sr. who shit on his head...

He took an even bigger shit on Chavo Sr.'s head, much to the dismay of Chavo Jr.

Scotty: "Hey! That's my arm!"

Scotty: "AND MY RECTUM!"

Hardcore: "Usually your pranks are great Rhyno, but gluing me to the meaning of 'jobber' is unacceptable."

This man is a jobber.

Rhyno: "I wouldn't do that if I were you..."

Hardcore was restrained by officials after attacking a fan that held up a sign reading, "1-2-3-4 Life."

Lesnar: "Well cocaine is a hell of a drug. Heh heh."

Brock tries to convince Eddie that he is really from Finland, to secure his chances of a title shot at NWO.

Well Bubba was my best good friend, I couldn't just leave him out there the way he was...

**Rock Bottom** · 02-12-2004, 11:21 PM

Worst. Bronco Buster. Ever.

Bradshaw asked the ref how many pushes he had left.

Richards got caught copping a feel on Nidia when he forgot to take off his jacket.

Nidia didn't seem to mind, and embraced Richards in a passionate kiss.

Nidia grimaced as a cat hit a shooting star press out of nowhere!

<*Spank Spank Spank*
Torrie: Put that thing away. It's too small.

^Ric Flair, eat your heart out. You have a new man-boob contender. And he owns a very large monkey.

Lesnar taunted Eddie by holding him up against the glass ceiling.

Show: Noogie noogie noogie!

The ref picked the worst possible time to do his Karate Kid impression.

Big Show does his impression of Triple H selling a cross-body block.

Angle looked on in shock as John Cena began to morph into The Incredible Hulk. The Hulk didn't like it when endangered species were KO'd by chairshots.

A fan recognized Angle, and as soon as he heard the word "child support," he quickly blocked his face with the chair.

This is the last thing Eddie should be doing with the ref's back turned...

Apparently, Brock picked the wrong time to approach Eddie, and he just let himself go, too close to climax.

Eddie then picked up the nearest unconscious body and left for the back with a smile on his face.

**Nowhere Man** · 02-13-2004, 12:23 AM

Scott Steiner couldn't help but smile. This new "Asian Jobber" costume was AWESOME!

...Unfortunately, he didn't expect the surprise return of a disguised Stevie Ray.

"Raise the Roof, Sucka!"

Chavo: *gasp! Old Man Marley!?
Rey: And I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!

The fans were pissed, and rightfully so. Everyone knew that wasn't the REAL Christopher Daniels!

Chavo Jr: I won't Stand for this. I'll find out who did this, and then I'll Deliver justice!
Chavo Sr: Dammit, son, I'm not Edward James Olmos

Radioshack's new remote control referees were cool enough, but that antenna was just so distracting.

Scotty's reverse victory roll ends in tragedy.

Sadly, the Holly/Rhyno match never happened, due to the crazed fan with the bazooka at ringside.

WWE's new People-Who-Suck Detector was incredible!

Rhyno: Jeez, man, what the hell is wrong with you?
Ref: I said pull my finger, or you're disqualified!
Rhyno: Dude, what th--
Ref: PULL IT! PULL IT, DAMN YOU!!!!!

The rWo (ref World order) made its debut with the saddest Northern Lights Suplex in history.

Vince: Note to self. Never let Terry Gilliam write an episode of Smackdown again.

Brock:...so basically, what I'm saying is this picture is way too bland for Nowhere Man to write anything funny.

Bored with Bradshaw's match, the ref zones out and starts playing the Snake game on his cell phone.

After what happened to Bradshaw, the message became painfully clear: the ring wasn't taking no shit from NOBODY anymore!

02-13-2004, 12:29 AM

Tajiri can't help but smile when he sees Sean setting up to preform his weekly juggling act

Rey signaled for his pattened move, but the ref quickly stopped him and told him to watch as Sean prepares to make a "Cat" dissapear from Smackdown

You know, it would of been a lot easier if Chavo just used a pair of tweasers

Letting fans take part in the WWE experience is one thing, but letting them take short cuts through the ring to get to a vending machine when the cameras are rolling is a whole other story.

Chavo can't believe the effect a backstage Hardcore Holly Promo has on some people.

Holly: You're still wrestling for this show?
Rhyno: You're still wrestling for this company?

Ref: PIGS!!! You're all PIGS!!! (rep for anyone who tells me what movie that's from)

Paul Heyman had convinced the ref's to join him in his knew Dictatorship gimmick

REF: You, Corkscrewed Moonsault, NOW!!!!

Holly was outraged when he found out that he had just been Punk'ed by the WWE. No wonder he never had gotten a single check since his comeback.

Due to a tight budget the WWE had to drop their Theme Music department, but instead you get live Mexican style renditions of you're favorite superstar's themes every week on Smackdown.

Brock: A plane crashes between the United Staes and Canada, where were the survivos buried?

Eddie: Survivors can't be buried Holmes

Brock: Dammit, I can't believe you got that. That's it, I QUIT!!!!!!!

Sheldon just informed Bradshaw that not a single person has completely read his book yet.

In the second installment of the WWE'S new hardcore porn show, Sable and Tori are now taking calls for the live phone sex segment.

Big Show does his impression of Goldberg at the ATM Machine.

I'll do the rest tommorrow.

**Blue Demon** · 02-13-2004, 12:32 AM

UH-OH

Rhyno selling the ref's hulk up

The ref celebrated his victory by posing

**Rock Bottom** · 02-13-2004, 12:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loose Cannon

Ref: PIGS!!! You're all PIGS!!! (rep for anyone who tells me what movie that's from)

Heard/seen it in two movies.

Midnight Express
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

**Nowhere Man** · 02-13-2004, 01:00 AM

As if the submission hold wasn't painful enough, Shelton tortured Bradshaw with tales from his stay on Velocity.

Shelton:....and then, they made us job to Orlando Jordan!
Bradshaw: No, it's not true! STOP!!!
Shelton: And all that after they decided our matches with the Guerreros didn't get as much heat as Rikishi's ass!

Having dumped Noble, Nidia became the full-time valet for Cousin It.

Nidia was ever so grateful to the tiny little fairies who had helped her out.

Just like Megaman, Nidia had an interchangable arm that she could switch with all sorts of cool weapons. However, the Shit-Covered Log was nowhere near as cool as the old Buster Cannon.

Not a caption, but between the two of them, there's more plastic than my whole G.I. Joe collection.

Show does his world-famous impression of the entire Jackson family, complete with Michael's crotch grabbing, Janet's nipple slipping, and Tito's wondering-where-the-hell-his-career-went.

Brock tried to catch him, but Eddie "The Human Cannonball" Guerrero just whizzed right past him and into the fifth row.

No one was going to buy the Big Show as "the New Chris Benoit," especially if he can't even do the Crossface right.

Lex Luger returns to WWE, much to John Cena's dismay.

Show always made it a point to stop and say Grace before eating a midcarder.

Cena couldn't concentrate on his rapping after Kurt "No Pants" Angle debuted his newest gimmick.

Kurt made the save at the last minute, saving Cena just as Richards set him up for a powerbomb.

Eddie suddenly suffered from a burst of jock-itch right in the middle of his Shawn Michaels impression.

Brock made sure to never try a hurricanrana again.

The sign in the background sort of gave away Luke Skywalker's surprise debut.

**Innovator** · 02-13-2004, 01:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loose Cannon

Ref: PIGS!!! You're all PIGS!!! (rep for anyone who tells me what movie that's from)

I think it was Dogma

**FourFifty** · 02-13-2004, 01:49 AM

Alrighty, my turn� I didn�t read the captions, thus, all jokes are considered mine unless I ripped them off from someone else�s some other time.

Mysterio�s cammy attire did not turn him into John Cena, much to everyone�s surprise. We could still see him.

Now the ref was pissed! Right when he wanted a nice cold one, they didn�t let Sean out of his cage.

Chavo: No! Rey! Keep your mask on! The bulk of the WWE fans have no idea that you lost your mask in WCW and according to Mexican wrestling tradition you should never put it on again!
Rey: Ohhh� the things I�ll do to stay over!

Jorge and Chavo Sr thought affirmative action went a little too far when they were forced to play the two Hispanic stooges.
Meanwhile, Flair can�t believe they fell for that shit.

Chavo Jr: No Jorge! You went for the eye poke when you needed to do the silly slap!

Scotty wanted to help! He knew Shaniqua�s monster needed an arm!

Well it�s no wonder they banned the piledriver!

If you look at the back of Holly�s tights you�ll see a little symbol that looks kinda like this.
^
Why is that there? They didn�t want him to botch while putting on his tights.

Even Thing mocked Holly when he couldn�t do the version 1.0 taunt.

Ref: Get me a beer!
Rhyno: But I�m in mid match! Can�t I finish the match?
Ref: But I�m thirsty NOOOOOOW!
Rhyno: �.doesn�t he know I�m in a bloody fight�
Ref: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!?!?!?
Rhyno: Wouldn�t you go for a Budweiser light?

Holly:

This shouldn�t be! *Sniff* I mean� I�m a no talent hack� and he�s in a cage�

For some reason Brock didn�t understand that John Cena�s gimmick only worked with freestyle rapping�

Eddie is disgusted. I mean, everyone knew to do the fire breathing thing that Ricky Steamboat did used a lit torch, not a burnt branch.

Get your very own Shelton Benjamin accordion from WWE ShopZone�

Or your very own Bradshaw harp!!!
(strings and in-ring talent not included)

Nick Patrick: No Bradshaw, what you didn�t know is that not everyone makes your salary, and they can�t afford to put $3,000 away every year. And setting up a savings account just for savings and not using it in an emergency? I mean, that is a good idea, but so is communism! Your book didn�t even begin to touch on inflation, and you talk about football in Pisswater, Texas too much. There were a few good thoughts in your book, but there were also a few in Hitler�s book� And the title of your book, Have More Money Now� If a fan wants to have more money now, don�t buy the book! Face it, you�re a no talent hack!
Bradshaw: You don�t have to change the subject to my in-ring ability!!!
Nick Patrick: I wasn�t!

**FourFifty** · 02-13-2004, 01:51 AM

*in the editing room* Vince: Okay� hmmmm� there is something wrong with this card� Okay, delete any footage of Sean O�Haire and The Ultramart Dragon, take off the video tribute to The Cat and Kanyon� replace them with �Rapping with Nidia & Mike The Shadow�� Use a few ring techs as back up singers�. Yes! Now if this doesn�t increase ratings, I don�t know what will!

Another failed �You Can�t See Me� for the SmackDown DVD blooper reel.

The Show� Lesnar� A Train� Matt Morgan� No Sean O�Haire� No Kanyon� No Ultimo Dragon� The utter lack of talent has finally made the universe collapse around SmackDown.

This month in A-Boy, an interview with A-Train�s lovers.

And on the Titan Tron every single caption from the TPWW.net message board was shown.
Show: I don�t get it�
Brock: Uhh� yeah� that�s funny� no, I don�t get it either�
Show: Hey, is that you with glasses?
Brock: Internet? KILL!!!!!

*Lesnar�s thoughts- Okay� I read all of the captions� and the ones where I�m holding someone above my head they talk about holding up talent� Yes, Eddie is very talented� holding up talent� I still don�t get it�*

Cena: Yo Show! Could ya please put on some right guard or somethin�, dawg? You reek!
Show: Hey, Mark said my stank smell good!
Cena: You listened to a guy who ate a shit sandwich?

This was the last Fisherman�s suplex that the WWE allowed.

Show: Wait� no�. it shouldn�t be warm� shouldn�t be squishy�.
Cena: Thought no one would notice with how much crap was in the ring already�

And now Cena makes an oral sex joke in his freestyle rhymes for the hard of hearing.

Now it wasn�t the chair that Cena feared, it was Kurt impaling Cena on his knife shaped arm.

Eddie was overcompensating. With the photon torpedo ready behind him, and God on his side, the death ray was a little too much.

Eddie�s ass has a bright idea!
(�k, I�m reaching now)

And the fans dreams were shattered Triple H ran down Eddie and Cena�

Sable: So we all know opposites attract, and I think A-Boy made a good choice in who should represent the WWE in their jerkit mag.
Torrie: Yes, opposites do indeed attract, I couldn�t agree more. I also think A-Boy made a good choice in who should represent the WWE in their jerkit mag.
Sable: Yes, opposites do indeed attract. Nothing is similar with two blonde bombshells. We have nothing in common.
Torrie: We�re totally different Blonde Bombshells.
Show: When the hell did they legalize human cloning?
Lesnar: I don�t know, but I think they would of done more than the double mint twins masturbation fantasy with steam cell research.

Brock: Faster! Louder! Faster! Louder! Belty wants loud and faster and louder music!
Belty: Kill me� please, for the love of god, let me be reunited with Buddy Rogers�

The ref thought a visual aid would help Rhyno find out where his career is headed.

**El Santo** · 02-13-2004, 01:53 AM

Rey's voice: "The Ref is a big fat loser! Muah muah muah!"
Ref: "Why you..."
Rey: "No! It's Tajiri! He's moving my lips and using a funny voice, for God's sake!"

As the Ref prepares to finish of Tajiri with the Worm, Rey entertains the crowd with the YMCA.

Chavo: "Now to see you under the mask.... My God! You never were burned at all! All your problems were PSYCHOLOGICAL all this time!"
Rey: "Wrong guy, jackass."

Satan: "I've come to collect the soul that was sold for the shot at the WWE Undisputed Title."
Chavo Sr.: "You've got the wrong Guerrero! I'm Chavo, not Eddie!"
Satan: "Nice try. I've seen Chavo, and he's younger and skinnier, mortal."

Chavo Jr.: "Satan! You fiend! Take my soul instead! Take my.... hey, why the hell are they filming Michael friggin' Cole?"

Brian "Spanky" Kendrick makes his stunning return as the Kleptomaniac Ref.

Scotty: "...I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you, too. I just love to moralize, when I'm between your thighs..."
Basham: "AAaaggghhhh!"

Rhyno: "Yes, I am the guy who glued the vase to your head. What are you going to do about it?"

Hardcore Holly: The aftermath of being shot in the ass.

It was flattering, yet incredibly creepy, when the ref serenaded Rhyno with a loving rendition of "Honey, You Are My Shining Star".

Holly knew that there were cutbacks, but when he realized he was going to be outsourced to a generic staffing firm... well, that's where he drew the line.

Brock: "Passion? I'll give you PASSION!" *waves baton and sings* "When Spanish eyes are smiling..."

Sometimes, Brock's chronic halitosis got in the way of a good promo.

Bradshaw: "We'll get through this together, man! I'f we make it out alive... we'll get married!"
Shelton:

When you gotta go, you gotta go...

**Innovator** · 02-13-2004, 01:57 AM

Tajiri couldn't concentrate while Sean was making faces at him...

Lil' HBK makes his debut, unleashing the sweetest Chin Music ever

"and now to remove this protective potato head mask..."

Jorge: My name is Inigo Montaya, you killed my father, prepare to die
Chavo Sr: STOP SAYING THAT!

Chavo: OH MY GOD! Somebody killed Cheech!

Basham had to wonder where he went wrong, he was the OVW Champion and now he's jobbing to the WORM

Worst. 69. Ever.

Hardcore: I've been with the company for 10 years
Rhyno: Dude you were on the JOB Squad!
Hardcore: I'm over with the crowd
Rhyno: .....ahahahahahahahahahaha

Ref: Pull my finger
Hardcore: C'mon Bob....use the force

Did Vince really have to make signs showing where Hardcore's career is going?

The refs finally decided to have their way with Holly, at least the security guy let them have some privacy

Minueto debuts to a roaring crowd

Brock: Belty don't listen to him, you're not going anywhere!
Eddie: But people on the net say I'm gonna win on Sunday
Brock: ........them.....

God decides it's time to give Bradshaw his last call

Bradshaw runs and hides in a corner at the sight of talent

**Corkscrewed** · 02-13-2004, 02:04 AM

Things were going well for Tajiri until he looked up and saw the HHH Anvil...

The new WWE "Guess the Penis Size of the Signholder" game sure was competitive.
Rey: "Shad? His was this long."
Hebner: "No! It was THISSS long!!!"

Chavo, student of the Isaac Yankem School of Dentistry, certainly had a way with root canals.

It took a while, but eventually, Chavo Sr. went snapped at all the people calling him Edward James Olmos.

Chavo: "No fair!!! I want to hear the ocean too!!"

Charles "Got your nose" Robinson was starting to get really annoying.

It's never pretty when you see a Worm crawling up someone's anus.

Holly: "Hey... um... I'm not sure how to say this... but you think you can glue some talent onto me?"

Holly: "I... can... almost... grab it!"
Rhyno: "NO! It's mine!"
Mighty Hand of Reason: "Oh no you don't! Shame on you for trying to steal another Push Orb!"

Corderas: "YOU! Gimme an arm wax!"
Rhyno: "WTF???"

Held back by the blue-shirted Smark Enforcement Troop, Holly cursed as the Push Orb floated away.

The WWE production of Los Cinco Caballeros didn't work out too well.

Brock: "And that's why--- HEY! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS FALL ASLEEP DURING MY PROMOS???"

Bradshaw was as confused as anyone as to why he was actually carrying someone in a match.

Bradshaw knelt crying at the Altar of Helmsley.
"You said I'd be going places after burying Rhyno! *sob* You said I'd get the U.S. Title! *sob* I gave you beer! *sob* And cigars! *sob* And Farooq's soul!!! Waaaaaaaahhhh!!!!"
Shelton: "You gonna be done anytime soon?"

Shelton certainly wasn't the most delicate person when it came to right arm amputations.

Few wanted to know that Nidia hadn't shaved down there in years. NO ONE wanted to SEE it.

Nidia's version of "You can't see me" neither made sense nor was good.

Nidia gagged with disgust upon encountering the remains of Big Show's afternoon snack.

After the interview, both ladies got up and walked into a bar. You'd think one of them would have seen it.

Big Show faced his biggest challenge yet when the WWE announced it would be letting go all wrestlers who could pat their head while rubbing their stomach at the same time.

Triple H smiled down upon this offering.

This was,by far, the most violent but unique televised ass raping ever.

Brian Hebner touched down on his hangglider just in time to see Brock hit the Ki Krusher on Cena.

Unfortunately for Cena, the main event interfered with Big Show's 9:30 Nighttime Snack.

John froze in his tracks. He was screwed all right... Angle had a chair, and he COULD see him!

Angry Cena fans quickly pelted Angle with a barrage of quarters and nickels, but the wise Kurt blocked the barrage with his trusty chair. Cena, however, bent down to collect his new laundry money for the week.

Um, Eddie, when the thing sticking out of your pants looks like a Brillo Pad, you might want to get it checked out by a doctor.

Suffice to say, Brock did not enjoy Eddie's Tinky Winky impression.

John-Eddie Guercena became the first ever Siamese to win a match.

**Innovator** · 02-13-2004, 02:15 AM

Patrick: I'm telling you, the butter in the back was low fat
Bradshaw: NNNNNOOOOOOO!

Nidia "The Tool-Woman" didn't quite have the same ring to it

Now that her angle was over, Nidia was forced to pick up Big Show's droppings on a daily basis

Torrie: Didn't we used to hate each other?
Sable: You know I used to be over

Big Show couldn't concentrate when Sean kept throwing peanuts at him

Eddie: Hey Brock is that a computer over there?
Brock: WHERE?!?!
*thumb poke to the eye*
Brock: owie owie ow ow ow

Big Show has the match won, until God made a hot tag

Brock was winning, but he underestimated the impact of the Thug Life nipple twist!

MMMMM...Snack time

George "The Animal" Steele debuts to Cena's surprise, but he did have to forget his pants?

Kurt: And thats for saying my song sucks!

God was in favor of Eddie, no lying cheating and stealing on his watch

Brock: Wow you're so much gentler than HHH

**Rock Bottom** · 02-13-2004, 02:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jbone

I think it was Dogma

Yeah, that's what I meant. I get them mixed up.

**El Santo** · 02-13-2004, 02:36 AM

Bradshaw couldn't help it. He was so darned ticklish!

It was what Nidia's always wanted: her own personal Nazgul!

As if trying to recapture Paul Wight's WCW heel gimmick, Nidia lights one up in the arena.

Suddenly, Nidia could run no more. The Fashion Police had her surrounded.

The WWE's remake of the interrogation from "Basic Instinct" was a resounding success.

And yet, Vince still can't see that the Big Show is a Big Ape.

When Eddie 1 was in trouble, it was Eddie Squadron to the rescue!

When John Cena was in trouble, it was Thing to the rescue!

When they say it's "raining cats and dogs", that means it's raining hard outside. When they say it's "raining midcarders"... well, duck.

Big Show: "Oooh.... John, do you work out?"

There where just some days where Kurt couldn't get a decent ringside seat without people making fun of his shorts.

Always a good sport, Kurt rewards a lucky fan in the first row with his very own souvenir folding chair.

Eddie's pre-match execises were unconventional at best.

And El Santo explodes, yet again, as he tries to think of a non-homoerotic caption.

Eddie was so thrilled that he barely noticed Rikishi, speeding up behind him, ready to do it for the Rock.

**Corkscrewed** · 02-13-2004, 02:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by El Santo

When they say it's "raining cats and dogs", that means it's raining hard outside. When they say it's "raining midcarders"... well, duck.

Somehow, I found that hysterical.

02-13-2004, 10:15 AM

OK, no one guessed the movie I was thinking of yet. Look at the ref's hand and look at Rhyno and Holly. If you've seen the movie, it should be pretty easy

*Hint: The lead character in the movie is a dwarf, who is a magician by trade, and gets sent on a journey with a few others to do a certain task.

**loopydate** · 02-13-2004, 11:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loose Cannon

OK, no one guessed the movie I was thinking of yet. Look at the ref's hand and look at Rhyno and Holly. If you've seen the movie, it should be pretty easy

*Hint: The lead character in the movie is a dwarf, who is a magician by trade, and gets sent on a journey with a few others to do a certain task.

I haven't seen this movie in years, so I wouldn't get the reference, but from the clue...Willow?

**Blue Demon** · 02-13-2004, 11:17 AM

Kurt, being the polite guy that he was, tries to stop Cena from delivering a lethal dose of gas towards the crowd

**Rock Bottom** · 02-13-2004, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by loopydate

I haven't seen this movie in years, so I wouldn't get the reference, but from the clue...Willow?

I think Loopy's right. I remember that. The evil chick yelled it out and a bunch of people turned into pigs.

02-13-2004, 12:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by loopydate

I haven't seen this movie in years, so I wouldn't get the reference, but from the clue...Willow?

CORRECT loopy, but I think I have to spread some rep around before I can rep you, but I'll try.

02-13-2004, 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Rock Bottom

I think Loopy's right. I remember that. The evil chick yelled it out and a bunch of people turned into pigs.

Yes, I hated that bit**, but Madmartigan ruled all.

**Rock Bottom** · 02-13-2004, 12:44 PM

The brownies owned. But I digress.

**Nowhere Man** · 02-13-2004, 03:32 PM

Nobody liked my Terry Gilliam caption.

**loopydate** · 02-13-2004, 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nowhere Man

Nobody liked my Terry Gilliam caption.

I liked it.

**loopydate** · 02-13-2004, 05:30 PM

When Tajiri stopped mid-match to gargle, everyone saw through his ruse. The Green Mist was just Listerine all along!

As impressive as Rey's apron cartwheels were, nothing could beat the Air Surfing of Brian Hebner.

CHAVO: I could have SWORN Rey was right here. I mean, I can see his body, but...his head is gone!

In WWE's first ever Leyendas de Lucha Libre match, Chavo Guerrero finally got his hands on El Cabeza De Poop.

Chavo was pissed. Why didn't the referee stop Ope the Evil Sign from taking his dad out?

BASHAM: No, stop! Leggo! Hee hee hee! Sto--heeheehee! NO!
COLE: He's got him in the Taylor Tickler!
TAZZ: Well...HERE COME THE GIGGLES!

Danny's Scott Taylor Scooter didn't work so hot.

RHYNO: Wow. You're taller than me. That's surprising.
HOLLY: Why'sat?
RHYNO: I wouldn't have thought that such a small amount of talent could fill that big a body.

Holly had been caught in the act. So, he WAS a homo!

In a shocking swerve, referee Jimmy Chorderas soon began calling ALL the wrestlers homos.

The dyslexic fan a few rows back MEANT to have his sign read "Word, Etc."

Slower and much more beautiful, the Minnesotan Hat Dance put Eddie Guerrero to shame.

Typical WWE Writer's Thinking, Volume 580257: If Mick Foley can get over after a lengthy absence by letting a young up-and-comer spit in his face, then SURELY Eddie Guerrero can get over after a lengthy burial by doing the same!

Worst. Samoan Drop. Ever.

Worst. Stinkface. Ever. (How the hell is Bradshaw still employed?)

PATRICK: That's right. Due to the new rules, for every botched move, one limb must be removed.

Nidia's shadow proved once and for all that the wrestlers ACTUALLY wrestle in front of a giant green screen! The set is all CGI!

Sgt. Slaughter and Bart Gunn watching from the background, Nidia stopped mid-promo to down a handful of M&Ms.

NIDIA: But I really have to go!
VINCE: Then go on the wood pile!
NIDIA: But Big Show was just in there!

I can't tell which is more artificial, the giant cover or...the cover girls.

Big Show and Brock Lesnar's new gimmick: Laurel and Hardy 2004!

GOD: PUT THE TALENT DOWN!

CENA: Ow! Okay! Okay! "Sons of the Desert" WAS the best Laurel and Hardy movie!

REF: Hey look! I'm climbing a ladder! Look!

Big Show's reaction after Cena asked him to name all fifty states in alphabetical order.

ANGLE: Alabamaalaskaarizonaarkansascaliforniacoloradoconnecticutdelawarefloridageorgiahawaiiidahoillinoisin dianaiowakansaskentuckylouisianamainemarylandmassachusettsmichiganminnesotamississippimissourimontan anebraskanevadanewhampshirenewjerseynewmexiconewyorknorthcarolinanorthdakotaohiooklahomaoregonpennsy lvaniarhodeislandsouthcarolinasouthdakotatennesseetexasutahvermontvirginiawashingtonwestvirginiawisc onsinwyoming, bitch!
CENA: Whoa...

ANGLE: Puerto Rico is not a state!
*Crack!*

Eddie wanted to finish the match, but he really needed that fungal growth looked at.

EDDIE: Hey, Brock. Try this Hand Mushroom.
BROCK: Mmm...
REF: How is it, Brock? Good?
BROCK: It tastes like...burning!
EDDIE: While everyone's distracted by a rip-off caption, I'll just get a quick pin!

EDDIE: Ha ha ha! That's right, homes! The WWF DID "force 3:16" down our throats!

{Yes, it's official. I have lost my touch.}

**Champion of Europa** · 02-13-2004, 08:52 PM

Poor Chavo. Rey curled up into a fetal position when all Chavo wanted was a pound, dogg.

So what? Just because the retired racecar driver was driving in Tacoma didn't mean he couldn't get in gruesome collision with a Rhyno.

**Corkscrewed** · 02-15-2004, 04:21 AM

Minnesotan Hat Dance! LOL! THAT was the clever, witty line I wanted for that pic! Oh well.

LMAO at Angle reciting the states.

**Azriel** · 02-15-2004, 05:19 PM

It was bad enough the fans were calling Rhyno and Holly jobbers, but when Thing points it out, that's when its time to call it quits

**PorkSoda** · 02-15-2004, 08:22 PM

WWE had to rip off Mortal Kombat, and create a female Mortaro.

Rhyno: Right!

Ref: WRONG! The ball is in this hand.

Ref: Whoo boy! Rhyno, only in America where I can find a match like this on a night like this...in a beu..tiful..ring like this...and...uhhhh

A few seconds later the ref collapses and faints.

Mysterio gets pulled over by the Smackdown police, unfortunately as the police officer goes to handcuff him, he accidently hooks the handcuff onto the top rope.

WWE Version of Mortal Kombat character Mortaro...Latino Heat Style!

WWE Version of Mortal Kombat character Mortaro...Japenese style!

Bradshaw: NO DADDY! I DONT WANNA GET A HAIRCUT!

**Shake** · 02-16-2004, 07:04 PM

Huge props to Nowhere Man - some of those captions had me holding my stomach in pain.

**Champion of Europa** · 02-16-2004, 07:07 PM

Show: Hey Brock.
Brock: Yeh Show?
Show: What's this on my head?
Brock: What?
Show: It's a brain sucker starving.

**Corkscrewed** · 02-17-2004, 01:11 AM

I thought it was "Motaro." Not "Mortaro." I'm not anywehre near sure tho.

02-12-2004, 10:25 PM	#3
Vega Only Sane Person Here Posts: 17,983	Back in Japan, gimps were not only legal, but encouraged. REF: Excessive celebration, 15 yard penalty Rey: What the **? Chavo: That's not Rey! It's a MAN baby! Rey: Seriously, what the ** is going on here? It appears that some of the wrestlers took "watch out for eachother in the ring" a little to literally, as they were checking eachother for prostate cancer. Holly was enraged at the new sign stating "talent only" instead of the old "wrestlers only" sign, thus the reason security had to remove him from the building. In hopes of gaining the talent of Eddie Guererro, Brock started listening to mariachi music. Brock: Sour snagglepusses started stirring sweet sporatic spaghetti swirls in swahili! Eddie: That ain't nothin, Brock. As a last restort, Eddie was forced to use his penis as an illegal weapon. The WWE had it's first ever "random fan deathmatch" Try as he might, Big Show couldn't grasp the concept of the Atkin's Diet. Chavo: I'LL GET YOU STEVEN RICHARDS! The WWE went a little far in their "escape the rules" campaign when they had the record holder for the world's largest piece of shit come to Smackdown to show it off. Ref: So then she said "Ham? more like a hamBURGER!! haha get it? Last edited by Vega; 02-12-2004 at 11:01 PM.

02-12-2004, 10:26 PM	#4
Rock Bottom Ball So Hard University Posts: 8,450	Heh, it's not even over yet Edit: fuck, my mouse jammed up and my captions are gone, redoing them Last edited by Rock Bottom; 02-12-2004 at 11:08 PM.

02-12-2004, 10:48 PM	#5
Savio Spammy Certified Posts: 46,132	Big show tries out for evolution Holly after hearing from vince "I think you should break your neck again....Its for the best" For reasons unknown Heyman was upset with nidia and made her give A-Train a bikini wax Last edited by Savio; 02-12-2004 at 11:03 PM.

02-12-2004, 11:21 PM	#8
Rock Bottom Ball So Hard University Posts: 8,450	Worst. Bronco Buster. Ever. Bradshaw asked the ref how many pushes he had left. Richards got caught copping a feel on Nidia when he forgot to take off his jacket. Nidia didn't seem to mind, and embraced Richards in a passionate kiss. Nidia grimaced as a cat hit a shooting star press out of nowhere! <Spank Spank Spank Torrie: Put that thing away. It's too small. ^Ric Flair, eat your heart out. You have a new man-boob contender. And he owns a very large monkey. Lesnar taunted Eddie by holding him up against the glass ceiling. Show: Noogie noogie noogie! The ref picked the worst possible time to do his Karate Kid impression. Big Show does his impression of Triple H selling a cross-body block. Angle looked on in shock as John Cena began to morph into The Incredible Hulk. The Hulk didn't like it when endangered species were KO'd by chairshots. A fan recognized Angle, and as soon as he heard the word "child support," he quickly blocked his face with the chair. This is the last thing Eddie should be doing with the ref's back turned... Apparently, Brock picked the wrong time to approach Eddie, and he just let himself go, too close to climax. Eddie then picked up the nearest unconscious body and left for the back with a smile on his face. Last edited by Rock Bottom; 02-13-2004 at 12:27 AM.

02-13-2004, 01:53 AM	#17
El Santo One Man Horror Show Posts: 1,046	Rey's voice: "The Ref is a big fat loser! Muah muah muah!" Ref: "Why you..." Rey: "No! It's Tajiri! He's moving my lips and using a funny voice, for God's sake!" As the Ref prepares to finish of Tajiri with the Worm, Rey entertains the crowd with the YMCA. Chavo: "Now to see you under the mask.... My God! You never were burned at all! All your problems were PSYCHOLOGICAL all this time!" Rey: "Wrong guy, jackass." Satan: "I've come to collect the soul that was sold for the shot at the WWE Undisputed Title." Chavo Sr.: "You've got the wrong Guerrero! I'm Chavo, not Eddie!" Satan: "Nice try. I've seen Chavo, and he's younger and skinnier, mortal." Chavo Jr.: "Satan! You fiend! Take my soul instead! Take my.... hey, why the hell are they filming Michael friggin' Cole?" Brian "Spanky" Kendrick makes his stunning return as the Kleptomaniac Ref. Scotty: "...I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you, too. I just love to moralize, when I'm between your thighs..." Basham: "AAaaggghhhh!" Rhyno: "Yes, I am the guy who glued the vase to your head. What are you going to do about it?" Hardcore Holly: The aftermath of being shot in the ass. It was flattering, yet incredibly creepy, when the ref serenaded Rhyno with a loving rendition of "Honey, You Are My Shining Star". Holly knew that there were cutbacks, but when he realized he was going to be outsourced to a generic staffing firm... well, that's where he drew the line. Brock: "Passion? I'll give you PASSION!" waves baton and sings "When Spanish eyes are smiling..." Sometimes, Brock's chronic halitosis got in the way of a good promo. Bradshaw: "We'll get through this together, man! I'f we make it out alive... we'll get married!" Shelton: When you gotta go, you gotta go... Last edited by El Santo; 02-13-2004 at 02:50 AM.

02-12-2004, 10:13 PM	#2
FourFifty As over as Crystal Pepsi Posts: 21,639

02-12-2004, 11:08 PM	#6
Fryza Fthagn? Posts: 10,042	Tajiri: HORY SHIT! IS THAT SREAN?! The ref's Hogan flex just didn't have the steroids to look real enough. He was reffing Velocity the next day. Chavo: One of these days Rey....WHAM! BAM! STRAIGHT TO THE DARK MATCH! Jorge: Don't mind me, just passing through.. Chavo was horrified as Steven Richards began ignoring brands Scotty kept BashamA down, while the ref read him his rights. Wait, isn't the head supposed to come out first when giving bir...WAIT A MINUTE, I THOUGHT WOMEN AND SHANIQUA COULD HAVE KIDS! Rhyno: Well I was the LAST ECW Champion! Holly: I have a winning streak above one. Rhyno: The "I'm With Stupid" hand is seen making its WWE debute, pointing out the idiot it's with. Rhyno was more than enraged when the guy with less hair than Holly called him a Homo AND a jobber. Sad when workers are getting held back by refs. Pedro the Marachi Hoss debutes. Brock: I'm only going to ask you two questions. Who shot Mick twice, why were you logged on to TPWW.net, and why aren't they airing new episodes of Teletubbies? Eddie: ... Bradshaw shed a tear. He wish he was half as good as those kids he watched during that BYW video. I never want to see Bradshaw give the ring post a blow job ever again...neither does Shelton..

02-12-2004, 11:20 PM	#7
Rock Bottom Ball So Hard University Posts: 8,450	Tajiri's face lit up with joy as the ref helped him deliver his first child. Rey: "WTF is Shad?" Chavo thought he was going to punch Rey, but was blind-sided by the large fist as Rey cast the spell, "Bigby's Crushing Hand." (Rep for reference) After discovering that it was Chavo Sr. who shit on his head... He took an even bigger shit on Chavo Sr.'s head, much to the dismay of Chavo Jr. Scotty: "Hey! That's my arm!" Scotty: "AND MY RECTUM!" Hardcore: "Usually your pranks are great Rhyno, but gluing me to the meaning of 'jobber' is unacceptable." This man is a jobber. Rhyno: "I wouldn't do that if I were you..." Hardcore was restrained by officials after attacking a fan that held up a sign reading, "1-2-3-4 Life." Lesnar: "Well cocaine is a hell of a drug. Heh heh." Brock tries to convince Eddie that he is really from Finland, to secure his chances of a title shot at NWO. Well Bubba was my best good friend, I couldn't just leave him out there the way he was...

02-13-2004, 12:23 AM	#9
Nowhere Man Now. Here. Man. Posts: 8,370	Scott Steiner couldn't help but smile. This new "Asian Jobber" costume was AWESOME! ...Unfortunately, he didn't expect the surprise return of a disguised Stevie Ray. "Raise the Roof, Sucka!" Chavo: gasp! Old Man Marley!? Rey: And I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids! The fans were pissed, and rightfully so. Everyone knew that wasn't the REAL Christopher Daniels! Chavo Jr: I won't Stand* for this. I'll find out who did this, and then I'll Deliver justice! Chavo Sr: Dammit, son, I'm not Edward James Olmos Radioshack's new remote control referees were cool enough, but that antenna was just so distracting. Scotty's reverse victory roll ends in tragedy. Sadly, the Holly/Rhyno match never happened, due to the crazed fan with the bazooka at ringside. WWE's new People-Who-Suck Detector was incredible! Rhyno: Jeez, man, what the hell is wrong with you? Ref: I said pull my finger, or you're disqualified! Rhyno: Dude, what th-- Ref: PULL IT! PULL IT, DAMN YOU!!!!! The rWo (ref World order) made its debut with the saddest Northern Lights Suplex in history. Vince: Note to self. Never let Terry Gilliam write an episode of Smackdown again. Brock:...so basically, what I'm saying is this picture is way too bland for Nowhere Man to write anything funny. Bored with Bradshaw's match, the ref zones out and starts playing the Snake game on his cell phone. After what happened to Bradshaw, the message became painfully clear: the ring wasn't taking no shit from NOBODY anymore!

02-13-2004, 12:29 AM	#10
Loose Cannon Guest Posts: n/a	Tajiri can't help but smile when he sees Sean setting up to preform his weekly juggling act Rey signaled for his pattened move, but the ref quickly stopped him and told him to watch as Sean prepares to make a "Cat" dissapear from Smackdown You know, it would of been a lot easier if Chavo just used a pair of tweasers Letting fans take part in the WWE experience is one thing, but letting them take short cuts through the ring to get to a vending machine when the cameras are rolling is a whole other story. Chavo can't believe the effect a backstage Hardcore Holly Promo has on some people. Holly: You're still wrestling for this show? Rhyno: You're still wrestling for this company? Ref: PIGS!!! You're all PIGS!!! (rep for anyone who tells me what movie that's from) Paul Heyman had convinced the ref's to join him in his knew Dictatorship gimmick REF: You, Corkscrewed Moonsault, NOW!!!! Holly was outraged when he found out that he had just been Punk'ed by the WWE. No wonder he never had gotten a single check since his comeback. Due to a tight budget the WWE had to drop their Theme Music department, but instead you get live Mexican style renditions of you're favorite superstar's themes every week on Smackdown. Brock: A plane crashes between the United Staes and Canada, where were the survivos buried? Eddie: Survivors can't be buried Holmes Brock: Dammit, I can't believe you got that. That's it, I QUIT!!!!!!! Sheldon just informed Bradshaw that not a single person has completely read his book yet. In the second installment of the WWE'S new hardcore porn show, Sable and Tori are now taking calls for the live phone sex segment. Big Show does his impression of Goldberg at the ATM Machine. I'll do the rest tommorrow.

02-13-2004, 12:32 AM	#11
Blue Demon WOOOOOOOOO! Posts: 12,237	UH-OH Rhyno selling the ref's hulk up The ref celebrated his victory by posing

02-13-2004, 01:00 AM	#13
Nowhere Man Now. Here. Man. Posts: 8,370	As if the submission hold wasn't painful enough, Shelton tortured Bradshaw with tales from his stay on Velocity. Shelton:....and then, they made us job to Orlando Jordan! Bradshaw: No, it's not true! STOP!!! Shelton: And all that after they decided our matches with the Guerreros didn't get as much heat as Rikishi's ass! Having dumped Noble, Nidia became the full-time valet for Cousin It. Nidia was ever so grateful to the tiny little fairies who had helped her out. Just like Megaman, Nidia had an interchangable arm that she could switch with all sorts of cool weapons. However, the Shit-Covered Log was nowhere near as cool as the old Buster Cannon. Not a caption, but between the two of them, there's more plastic than my whole G.I. Joe collection. Show does his world-famous impression of the entire Jackson family, complete with Michael's crotch grabbing, Janet's nipple slipping, and Tito's wondering-where-the-hell-his-career-went. Brock tried to catch him, but Eddie "The Human Cannonball" Guerrero just whizzed right past him and into the fifth row. No one was going to buy the Big Show as "the New Chris Benoit," especially if he can't even do the Crossface right. Lex Luger returns to WWE, much to John Cena's dismay. Show always made it a point to stop and say Grace before eating a midcarder. Cena couldn't concentrate on his rapping after Kurt "No Pants" Angle debuted his newest gimmick. Kurt made the save at the last minute, saving Cena just as Richards set him up for a powerbomb. Eddie suddenly suffered from a burst of jock-itch right in the middle of his Shawn Michaels impression. Brock made sure to never try a hurricanrana again. The sign in the background sort of gave away Luke Skywalker's surprise debut.

02-13-2004, 01:49 AM	#15
FourFifty As over as Crystal Pepsi Posts: 21,639	Alrighty, my turn� I didn�t read the captions, thus, all jokes are considered mine unless I ripped them off from someone else�s some other time. Mysterio�s cammy attire did not turn him into John Cena, much to everyone�s surprise. We could still see him. Now the ref was pissed! Right when he wanted a nice cold one, they didn�t let Sean out of his cage. Chavo: No! Rey! Keep your mask on! The bulk of the WWE fans have no idea that you lost your mask in WCW and according to Mexican wrestling tradition you should never put it on again! Rey: Ohhh� the things I�ll do to stay over! Jorge and Chavo Sr thought affirmative action went a little too far when they were forced to play the two Hispanic stooges. Meanwhile, Flair can�t believe they fell for that shit. Chavo Jr: No Jorge! You went for the eye poke when you needed to do the silly slap! Scotty wanted to help! He knew Shaniqua�s monster needed an arm! Well it�s no wonder they banned the piledriver! If you look at the back of Holly�s tights you�ll see a little symbol that looks kinda like this. ^ Why is that there? They didn�t want him to botch while putting on his tights. Even Thing mocked Holly when he couldn�t do the version 1.0 taunt. Ref: Get me a beer! Rhyno: But I�m in mid match! Can�t I finish the match? Ref: But I�m thirsty NOOOOOOW! Rhyno: �.doesn�t he know I�m in a bloody fight� Ref: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!?!?!? Rhyno: Wouldn�t you go for a Budweiser light? Holly: This shouldn�t be! Sniff I mean� I�m a no talent hack� and he�s in a cage� For some reason Brock didn�t understand that John Cena�s gimmick only worked with freestyle rapping� Eddie is disgusted. I mean, everyone knew to do the fire breathing thing that Ricky Steamboat did used a lit torch, not a burnt branch. Get your very own Shelton Benjamin accordion from WWE ShopZone� Or your very own Bradshaw harp!!! (strings and in-ring talent not included) Nick Patrick: No Bradshaw, what you didn�t know is that not everyone makes your salary, and they can�t afford to put $3,000 away every year. And setting up a savings account just for savings and not using it in an emergency? I mean, that is a good idea, but so is communism! Your book didn�t even begin to touch on inflation, and you talk about football in Pisswater, Texas too much. There were a few good thoughts in your book, but there were also a few in Hitler�s book� And the title of your book, Have More Money Now� If a fan wants to have more money now, don�t buy the book! Face it, you�re a no talent hack! Bradshaw: You don�t have to change the subject to my in-ring ability!!! Nick Patrick: I wasn�t!

02-13-2004, 01:51 AM	#16
FourFifty As over as Crystal Pepsi Posts: 21,639	in the editing room Vince: Okay� hmmmm� there is something wrong with this card� Okay, delete any footage of Sean O�Haire and The Ultramart Dragon, take off the video tribute to The Cat and Kanyon� replace them with �Rapping with Nidia & Mike The Shadow�� Use a few ring techs as back up singers�. Yes! Now if this doesn�t increase ratings, I don�t know what will! Another failed �You Can�t See Me� for the SmackDown DVD blooper reel. The Show� Lesnar� A Train� Matt Morgan� No Sean O�Haire� No Kanyon� No Ultimo Dragon� The utter lack of talent has finally made the universe collapse around SmackDown. This month in A-Boy, an interview with A-Train�s lovers. And on the Titan Tron every single caption from the TPWW.net message board was shown. Show: I don�t get it� Brock: Uhh� yeah� that�s funny� no, I don�t get it either� Show: Hey, is that you with glasses? Brock: Internet? KILL!!!!! Lesnar�s thoughts- Okay� I read all of the captions� and the ones where I�m holding someone above my head they talk about holding up talent� Yes, Eddie is very talented� holding up talent� I still don�t get it� Cena: Yo Show! Could ya please put on some right guard or somethin�, dawg? You reek! Show: Hey, Mark said my stank smell good! Cena: You listened to a guy who ate a shit sandwich? This was the last Fisherman�s suplex that the WWE allowed. Show: Wait� no�. it shouldn�t be warm� shouldn�t be squishy�. Cena: Thought no one would notice with how much crap was in the ring already� And now Cena makes an oral sex joke in his freestyle rhymes for the hard of hearing. Now it wasn�t the chair that Cena feared, it was Kurt impaling Cena on his knife shaped arm. Eddie was overcompensating. With the photon torpedo ready behind him, and God on his side, the death ray was a little too much. Eddie�s ass has a bright idea! (�k, I�m reaching now) And the fans dreams were shattered Triple H ran down Eddie and Cena� Sable: So we all know opposites attract, and I think A-Boy made a good choice in who should represent the WWE in their jerkit mag. Torrie: Yes, opposites do indeed attract, I couldn�t agree more. I also think A-Boy made a good choice in who should represent the WWE in their jerkit mag. Sable: Yes, opposites do indeed attract. Nothing is similar with two blonde bombshells. We have nothing in common. Torrie: We�re totally different Blonde Bombshells. Show: When the hell did they legalize human cloning? Lesnar: I don�t know, but I think they would of done more than the double mint twins masturbation fantasy with steam cell research. Brock: Faster! Louder! Faster! Louder! Belty wants loud and faster and louder music! Belty: Kill me� please, for the love of god, let me be reunited with Buddy Rogers� The ref thought a visual aid would help Rhyno find out where his career is headed.

02-13-2004, 01:57 AM	#18
Innovator Inno Knows. Posts: 43,710	Tajiri couldn't concentrate while Sean was making faces at him... Lil' HBK makes his debut, unleashing the sweetest Chin Music ever "and now to remove this protective potato head mask..." Jorge: My name is Inigo Montaya, you killed my father, prepare to die Chavo Sr: STOP SAYING THAT! Chavo: OH MY GOD! Somebody killed Cheech! Basham had to wonder where he went wrong, he was the OVW Champion and now he's jobbing to the WORM Worst. 69. Ever. Hardcore: I've been with the company for 10 years Rhyno: Dude you were on the JOB Squad! Hardcore: I'm over with the crowd Rhyno: .....ahahahahahahahahahaha Ref: Pull my finger Hardcore: C'mon Bob....use the force Did Vince really have to make signs showing where Hardcore's career is going? The refs finally decided to have their way with Holly, at least the security guy let them have some privacy Minueto debuts to a roaring crowd Brock: Belty don't listen to him, you're not going anywhere! Eddie: But people on the net say I'm gonna win on Sunday Brock: ........them..... God decides it's time to give Bradshaw his last call Bradshaw runs and hides in a corner at the sight of talent

02-13-2004, 02:04 AM	#19
Corkscrewed Posts: 18,357	Things were going well for Tajiri until he looked up and saw the HHH Anvil... The new WWE "Guess the Penis Size of the Signholder" game sure was competitive. Rey: "Shad? His was this long." Hebner: "No! It was THISSS long!!!" Chavo, student of the Isaac Yankem School of Dentistry, certainly had a way with root canals. It took a while, but eventually, Chavo Sr. went snapped at all the people calling him Edward James Olmos. Chavo: "No fair!!! I want to hear the ocean too!!" Charles "Got your nose" Robinson was starting to get really annoying. It's never pretty when you see a Worm crawling up someone's anus. Holly: "Hey... um... I'm not sure how to say this... but you think you can glue some talent onto me?" Holly: "I... can... almost... grab it!" Rhyno: "NO! It's mine!" Mighty Hand of Reason: "Oh no you don't! Shame on you for trying to steal another Push Orb!" Corderas: "YOU! Gimme an arm wax!" Rhyno: "WTF???" Held back by the blue-shirted Smark Enforcement Troop, Holly cursed as the Push Orb floated away. The WWE production of Los Cinco Caballeros didn't work out too well. Brock: "And that's why--- HEY! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS FALL ASLEEP DURING MY PROMOS???" Bradshaw was as confused as anyone as to why he was actually carrying someone in a match. Bradshaw knelt crying at the Altar of Helmsley. "You said I'd be going places after burying Rhyno! sob You said I'd get the U.S. Title! sob I gave you beer! sob And cigars! sob And Farooq's soul!!! Waaaaaaaahhhh!!!!" Shelton: "You gonna be done anytime soon?" Shelton certainly wasn't the most delicate person when it came to right arm amputations. Few wanted to know that Nidia hadn't shaved down there in years. NO ONE wanted to SEE it. Nidia's version of "You can't see me" neither made sense nor was good. Nidia gagged with disgust upon encountering the remains of Big Show's afternoon snack. After the interview, both ladies got up and walked into a bar. You'd think one of them would have seen it. Big Show faced his biggest challenge yet when the WWE announced it would be letting go all wrestlers who could pat their head while rubbing their stomach at the same time. Triple H smiled down upon this offering. This was,by far, the most violent but unique televised ass raping ever. Brian Hebner touched down on his hangglider just in time to see Brock hit the Ki Krusher on Cena. Unfortunately for Cena, the main event interfered with Big Show's 9:30 Nighttime Snack. John froze in his tracks. He was screwed all right... Angle had a chair, and he COULD see him! Angry Cena fans quickly pelted Angle with a barrage of quarters and nickels, but the wise Kurt blocked the barrage with his trusty chair. Cena, however, bent down to collect his new laundry money for the week. Um, Eddie, when the thing sticking out of your pants looks like a Brillo Pad, you might want to get it checked out by a doctor. Suffice to say, Brock did not enjoy Eddie's Tinky Winky impression. John-Eddie Guercena became the first ever Siamese to win a match.

02-13-2004, 02:15 AM	#20
Innovator Inno Knows. Posts: 43,710	Patrick: I'm telling you, the butter in the back was low fat Bradshaw: NNNNNOOOOOOO! Nidia "The Tool-Woman" didn't quite have the same ring to it Now that her angle was over, Nidia was forced to pick up Big Show's droppings on a daily basis Torrie: Didn't we used to hate each other? Sable: You know I used to be over Big Show couldn't concentrate when Sean kept throwing peanuts at him Eddie: Hey Brock is that a computer over there? Brock: WHERE?!?! thumb poke to the eye Brock: owie owie ow ow ow Big Show has the match won, until God made a hot tag Brock was winning, but he underestimated the impact of the Thug Life nipple twist! MMMMM...Snack time George "The Animal" Steele debuts to Cena's surprise, but he did have to forget his pants? Kurt: And thats for saying my song sucks! God was in favor of Eddie, no lying cheating and stealing on his watch Brock: Wow you're so much gentler than HHH

02-13-2004, 02:36 AM	#22
El Santo One Man Horror Show Posts: 1,046	Bradshaw couldn't help it. He was so darned ticklish! It was what Nidia's always wanted: her own personal Nazgul! As if trying to recapture Paul Wight's WCW heel gimmick, Nidia lights one up in the arena. Suddenly, Nidia could run no more. The Fashion Police had her surrounded. The WWE's remake of the interrogation from "Basic Instinct" was a resounding success. And yet, Vince still can't see that the Big Show is a Big Ape. When Eddie 1 was in trouble, it was Eddie Squadron to the rescue! When John Cena was in trouble, it was Thing to the rescue! When they say it's "raining cats and dogs", that means it's raining hard outside. When they say it's "raining midcarders"... well, duck. Big Show: "Oooh.... John, do you work out?" There where just some days where Kurt couldn't get a decent ringside seat without people making fun of his shorts. Always a good sport, Kurt rewards a lucky fan in the first row with his very own souvenir folding chair. Eddie's pre-match execises were unconventional at best. And El Santo explodes, yet again, as he tries to think of a non-homoerotic caption. Eddie was so thrilled that he barely noticed Rikishi, speeding up behind him, ready to do it for the Rock. Last edited by El Santo; 02-13-2004 at 02:46 AM.

02-13-2004, 10:15 AM	#24
Loose Cannon Guest Posts: n/a	OK, no one guessed the movie I was thinking of yet. Look at the ref's hand and look at Rhyno and Holly. If you've seen the movie, it should be pretty easy Hint: The lead character in the movie is a dwarf, who is a magician by trade, and gets sent on a journey with a few others to do a certain task. Last edited by Loose Cannon; 02-13-2004 at 10:39 AM.*

02-13-2004, 11:17 AM	#26
Blue Demon WOOOOOOOOO! Posts: 12,237	Kurt, being the polite guy that he was, tries to stop Cena from delivering a lethal dose of gas towards the crowd

02-13-2004, 12:44 PM	#30
Rock Bottom Ball So Hard University Posts: 8,450	The brownies owned. But I digress.

02-13-2004, 03:32 PM	#31
Nowhere Man Now. Here. Man. Posts: 8,370	Nobody liked my Terry Gilliam caption.

02-13-2004, 05:30 PM	#33
loopydate FIT Challenge Slag People Posts: 13,816	When Tajiri stopped mid-match to gargle, everyone saw through his ruse. The Green Mist was just Listerine all along! As impressive as Rey's apron cartwheels were, nothing could beat the Air Surfing of Brian Hebner. CHAVO: I could have SWORN Rey was right here. I mean, I can see his body, but...his head is gone! In WWE's first ever Leyendas de Lucha Libre match, Chavo Guerrero finally got his hands on El Cabeza De Poop. Chavo was pissed. Why didn't the referee stop Ope the Evil Sign from taking his dad out? BASHAM: No, stop! Leggo! Hee hee hee! Sto--heeheehee! NO! COLE: He's got him in the Taylor Tickler! TAZZ: Well...HERE COME THE GIGGLES! Danny's Scott Taylor Scooter didn't work so hot. RHYNO: Wow. You're taller than me. That's surprising. HOLLY: Why'sat? RHYNO: I wouldn't have thought that such a small amount of talent could fill that big a body. Holly had been caught in the act. So, he WAS a homo! In a shocking swerve, referee Jimmy Chorderas soon began calling ALL the wrestlers homos. The dyslexic fan a few rows back MEANT to have his sign read "Word, Etc." Slower and much more beautiful, the Minnesotan Hat Dance put Eddie Guerrero to shame. Typical WWE Writer's Thinking, Volume 580257: If Mick Foley can get over after a lengthy absence by letting a young up-and-comer spit in his face, then SURELY Eddie Guerrero can get over after a lengthy burial by doing the same! Worst. Samoan Drop. Ever. Worst. Stinkface. Ever. (How the hell is Bradshaw still employed?) PATRICK: That's right. Due to the new rules, for every botched move, one limb must be removed. Nidia's shadow proved once and for all that the wrestlers ACTUALLY wrestle in front of a giant green screen! The set is all CGI! Sgt. Slaughter and Bart Gunn watching from the background, Nidia stopped mid-promo to down a handful of M&Ms. NIDIA: But I really have to go! VINCE: Then go on the wood pile! NIDIA: But Big Show was just in there! I can't tell which is more artificial, the giant cover or...the cover girls. Big Show and Brock Lesnar's new gimmick: Laurel and Hardy 2004! GOD: PUT THE TALENT DOWN! CENA: Ow! Okay! Okay! "Sons of the Desert" WAS the best Laurel and Hardy movie! REF: Hey look! I'm climbing a ladder! Look! Big Show's reaction after Cena asked him to name all fifty states in alphabetical order. ANGLE: Alabamaalaskaarizonaarkansascaliforniacoloradoconnecticutdelawarefloridageorgiahawaiiidahoillinoisin dianaiowakansaskentuckylouisianamainemarylandmassachusettsmichiganminnesotamississippimissourimontan anebraskanevadanewhampshirenewjerseynewmexiconewyorknorthcarolinanorthdakotaohiooklahomaoregonpennsy lvaniarhodeislandsouthcarolinasouthdakotatennesseetexasutahvermontvirginiawashingtonwestvirginiawisc onsinwyoming, bitch! CENA: Whoa... ANGLE: Puerto Rico is not a state! Crack! Eddie wanted to finish the match, but he really needed that fungal growth looked at. EDDIE: Hey, Brock. Try this Hand Mushroom. BROCK: Mmm... REF: How is it, Brock? Good? BROCK: It tastes like...burning! EDDIE: While everyone's distracted by a rip-off caption, I'll just get a quick pin! EDDIE: Ha ha ha! That's right, homes! The WWF DID "force 3:16" down our throats! {Yes, it's official. I have lost my touch.}

02-13-2004, 08:52 PM	#34
Champion of Europa SEX APPEAL Posts: 13,830	Poor Chavo. Rey curled up into a fetal position when all Chavo wanted was a pound, dogg. So what? Just because the retired racecar driver was driving in Tacoma didn't mean he couldn't get in gruesome collision with a Rhyno.

02-15-2004, 04:21 AM	#35
Corkscrewed Posts: 18,357	Minnesotan Hat Dance! LOL! THAT was the clever, witty line I wanted for that pic! Oh well. LMAO at Angle reciting the states.

02-15-2004, 05:19 PM	#36
Azriel The Caption Crippler Posts: 8,855	It was bad enough the fans were calling Rhyno and Holly jobbers, but when Thing points it out, that's when its time to call it quits

02-15-2004, 08:22 PM	#37
PorkSoda Diabetes Coming To Getcha Posts: 6,826	WWE had to rip off Mortal Kombat, and create a female Mortaro. Rhyno: Right! Ref: WRONG! The ball is in this hand. Ref: Whoo boy! Rhyno, only in America where I can find a match like this on a night like this...in a beu..tiful..ring like this...and...uhhhh A few seconds later the ref collapses and faints. Mysterio gets pulled over by the Smackdown police, unfortunately as the police officer goes to handcuff him, he accidently hooks the handcuff onto the top rope. WWE Version of Mortal Kombat character Mortaro...Latino Heat Style! WWE Version of Mortal Kombat character Mortaro...Japenese style! Bradshaw: NO DADDY! I DONT WANNA GET A HAIRCUT!

02-16-2004, 07:04 PM	#38
Shake Kiss my face. Posts: 34	Huge props to Nowhere Man - some of those captions had me holding my stomach in pain.

02-16-2004, 07:07 PM	#39
Champion of Europa SEX APPEAL Posts: 13,830	Show: Hey Brock. Brock: Yeh Show? Show: What's this on my head? Brock: What? Show: It's a brain sucker starving. Last edited by Champion of Europa; 02-16-2004 at 07:58 PM.

02-17-2004, 01:11 AM	#40
Corkscrewed Posts: 18,357	I thought it was "Motaro." Not "Mortaro." I'm not anywehre near sure tho.