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Old 01-06-2008, 03:18 AM   #1
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A theory about John Cena that won't hold up under much scrutiny
I just watched this documentary on the National Geographic channel, about animals and their emotions. It was talking about the reptilian brain, and how it's got all our primal instincts, and that made me think of wrestling, and how violence is always the answer. But then I kind of widened my view a little, and decided to play a little game where I matched up some guys by looking at their behaviour, and the psychology behind that behaviour.

The Rock reminds me of a cheeky chimpanzee that replaces the old leader. You had Faarooq take the struggling Rocky Maivia under his wing, like a father, and then The Rock thanked him by taking over The Nation of Domination, and booting his ass out to survive on his own. A place by which in all karmic law, The Rock should have been in.

Stone Cold Steve Austin did not travel in packs. He left the group he grew up in (led by Ted DiBiase), and he started picking fights with whoever he wanted, and he'd try and provoke guys to leave the confines of their mammalian safety zones, and just meet him in a battle of the reptilian brains: The Texas Rattlesnake did not trust anybody, and relied on himself.

Now, look at John Cena. I find it really hard to categorise him. At first, he was looking to earn the respect of the leader (his first match against Kurt Angle), and that led to him being accepted in the first place. He then acted like he didn't care that he was accepted, and without climbing the ranks per se, he acted like an "Anakin Skywalker" type (stay with me), in that he felt he could take on guys like Brock Lesnar and The Undertaker, even though they were Jedi Masters, and he was only a Jedi Knight.

If I followed the Star Wars analogy, then the logical trangression would be to become a Darth Vader type (heel), but what we ended up with was John Cena acting like a mother. His talk of Hustle, Loyalty, Respect, being such a nice guy, fighting for the fans. Sure, you have those alpha males who will protect someone under their watch because they feel responsible, but this goes beyond just being protective. What does John Cena even have to be protective enough? When did he (character-wise) become the leader and not the kid traveling in the pack?

What John Cena provides the fans, is comfort. He tells them that he fights for them and he tries to teach them life lessons. It's hard to put it into words, but I think Cena is too maternal to really be taken as a macho leader figure. He cares about his babies (the fans, namely the women and children these days), and he fights for them before he fights for himself.

It also doesn't make sense as to how he got there. When did the arrogant young member of the pack grow up to be its mother? When he won the WWE Championship? There wasn't enough of an arc there, even if you decided that "Mother Cena" was the way to go. I threw the Star Wars analogy in there because it just shows how alien old Cena is from the new Cena, and it just popped into my head and seems to fit.

It's just a weird theory I came up while watching something about animals. Sue me.

Pfft
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Old 01-06-2008, 03:22 AM   #2
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I hate to say this Alienoid, I really do as I like your posting. But...
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Old 01-06-2008, 03:37 AM   #3
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Alienoid, I think you may actually be sued over this thread.
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Old 01-06-2008, 03:40 AM   #4
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No other Alienoid thread has made me say WTF, and Thats saying something considering.
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Old 01-06-2008, 05:38 AM   #5
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Most every Alienoid thread has made me say, WTF, but this one is to a stronger degree.
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Old 01-06-2008, 06:04 AM   #6
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Some people caught onto his slow descent into madness quicker than others.
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Old 01-06-2008, 06:04 AM   #7
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That being said, WTF.
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Old 01-06-2008, 06:32 AM   #8
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Yeah, I was drunk when I wrote this, but honestly, I think there is at least some validity to it:

John Cena's character is not as macho as the other successful characters of wrestling past. He appears to display the psychological components which would normally be found in a mother in the wild. He's the same animal, he's just more concerned with fighting for his cubs than fighting for himself.

And yes, those are metaphors.
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Old 01-06-2008, 10:16 AM   #9
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So...Did you get drunk watching National Geographic, or were you drunk and watching National Geographic?

John Cena's more a peacock than anything else, BTW.
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Old 01-06-2008, 10:21 AM   #10
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At what point did the National Geographic documentary talk about Star Wars?
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Old 01-06-2008, 11:56 AM   #11
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I read the first sentence and didn't continue. Nothing logical could come of relating wrestling to animals and emotions.
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Old 01-06-2008, 12:10 PM   #12
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So...Is the Undertaker Darth Vader? I mean, legitimately? I mean, they're both considered without peers, they're both crippled, and they both rely on special effects to keep them appealing, but is there any substance beyond that?

And if so...When does John Cena make out with his own sister?
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Old 01-06-2008, 12:13 PM   #13
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John Cena is much better compared to the DC Comic hero SUPERMAN.

He started as a young man with amazing powers (beat Jericho and Angle in his first month), but he didn't understand how to use them (joined up with B-Squared and acted like a faggot).

Then he got cocky with them (heel run), earned some reputation as a hero. Then he decided to use his great powers for good, defeating all of the "monsters" of the WWE while preaching about having strong character and values.


And that's why he doesn't work. Superman is a flat character, and so is John Cena. Throw us a Doomsday or a Lex Luthor for Christ's sake.
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Old 01-06-2008, 12:35 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fox View Post
John Cena is much better compared to the DC Comic hero SUPERMAN.

He started as a young man with amazing powers (beat Jericho and Angle in his first month), but he didn't understand how to use them (joined up with B-Squared and acted like a faggot).

Then he got cocky with them (heel run), earned some reputation as a hero. Then he decided to use his great powers for good, defeating all of the "monsters" of the WWE while preaching about having strong character and values.


And that's why he doesn't work. Superman is a flat character, and so is John Cena. Throw us a Doomsday or a Lex Luthor for Christ's sake.
Edge = Lex Luthor?

He kept trying to take Cena's title by outsmarting him, and he even succeeded a couple of times. But when it came down to their final battle, he just couldn't get the job done.

I would have gone into more detail, but I have a limited knowledge of DC comics.
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Old 01-06-2008, 12:40 PM   #15
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I'd say Triple H is more of a Luthor. He's powerful, can pretty much do whatever he wants, and is pretending to be a good guy right now, all while plotting the downfall of Cena-Man under the covers. Stephanie is like his Mercy Graves.
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Old 01-06-2008, 12:55 PM   #16
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Yeah, that sounds a lot better to me too.

So, in a non kayfabe sense, could Ken Kennedy be Doomsday?
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Old 01-06-2008, 01:52 PM   #17
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LMAO
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Old 01-06-2008, 01:54 PM   #18
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You are a sick fuck Alienoid
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Old 01-06-2008, 03:24 PM   #19
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LOL.....don't even know how to take that.
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Old 01-06-2008, 04:48 PM   #20
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At what point did the National Geographic documentary talk about Star Wars?
It didn't, and I explained it. And to answer your question, KK, I was drunk while watching.
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Old 01-06-2008, 06:13 PM   #21
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Even with Doomsday or Lex Luthor, Superman is incredibly boring.

Doomsday comes from no-where and kills Supes before anyone knows what's happening, they didn't even have a name for him until afterwords. Doomsday also dies, so it works out. Then we cloud the whole thing with retcons and continuity gaffs. It would take a man of equal power to be a metaphorical Doomsday to Cena, they might have been going for this sort of symbology when they fueded Lashley off to him. Though Lashley almost fits Darkseid, without the heelishness.

Lex Luthor, despite being the probably the smartest man on the planet, gets his metaphorical ass raped everytime he puts his plan into action. Very much Edge-ish. No matter what amount of planning and odds-making Edge went through Cena's raw power won the day.


Not that I'm advocating the thought that WWE is actually emulating Superman or DC writing specifically, but most of these metaphors are as old as Shelton Benjamin's mamma.
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Old 01-06-2008, 09:32 PM   #22
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Can someone bring up that pic of Venis with the title?
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Old 01-06-2008, 10:55 PM   #23
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I knew it was a 'Noid post by lenth alone. All I actaully read was something about the rock being a cheeky monkey some Cena is a Jedi. So I know it is pure bullshit.
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Old 01-07-2008, 09:09 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BigDaddyCool View Post
I knew it was a 'Noid post by lenth alone. All I actaully read was something about the rock being a cheeky monkey some Cena is a Jedi. So I know it is pure bullshit.
Actually, it's basically a long-winded way of saying "Cena has lost his edge." Pointless and meandering? Sure. Pure bullshit, probably not so much.
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Old 01-07-2008, 10:26 AM   #25
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Cena never had an 'edge'.
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Old 01-07-2008, 10:33 AM   #26
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What
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Old 01-07-2008, 10:33 AM   #27
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The
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Old 01-07-2008, 10:34 AM   #28
Hanso Amore
You can't teach that
 
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FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 01-07-2008, 12:33 PM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Xero Limit 126 View Post
Cena never had an 'edge'.
Touche.
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Old 01-07-2008, 02:22 PM   #30
James Steele
TPWW's HHH Mark Since '04
 
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I remember when they used to call Edge "The Edge".
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Old 01-07-2008, 02:48 PM   #31
Savio
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But wouldn't the Jedi knight kill the Cheeky Chimp?
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Old 01-07-2008, 03:12 PM   #32
Shadow
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Shadow got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Shadow got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Shadow got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Shadow got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Shadow got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Shadow got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Shadow got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Shadow got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Shadow got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Shadow got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Shadow got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)Shadow got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)
So where does Jeff Hardy fit into this?

Anyone says Jar Jar gets a boot up their asses.
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Old 01-07-2008, 03:37 PM   #33
Xero
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Jeff wouldn't be Jar Jar.

He's way too annoying to be portraying Jar Jar.
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Old 01-07-2008, 04:22 PM   #34
Kane Knight
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Xero Limit 126 View Post
Jeff wouldn't be Jar Jar.

He's way too annoying to be portraying Jar Jar.
And not black enough.
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Old 01-07-2008, 05:31 PM   #35
Savio
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shadow View Post
So where does Jeff Hardy fit into this?

Anyone says Jar Jar gets a boot up their asses.
Maybe C-3PO
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Old 01-07-2008, 06:58 PM   #36
SammyG
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SammyG got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)SammyG got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)SammyG got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)SammyG got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)SammyG got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)SammyG got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)SammyG got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)SammyG got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)SammyG got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)SammyG got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)SammyG got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)SammyG got the bus to Rep Town and repped it up real bad at the rep shop (100,000+)
lol Alienoid, I like your posts usually, but this is a little weird.
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Old 01-07-2008, 07:21 PM   #37
Mooияakeя™
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I like how some people have tried to help the stricken 'oid by actually atempting an answer.

Alienoid, I'd love to see what you'd come up with on speed.
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