WrestleMania: 19 years of caption material!

[Pegasus Crawford]

LOL at Warrior getting ready to no sell the Pedigree

[BigDaddyCool]

Correntt: He's a homo!


There doesn't need to be anything to go with this, does there?


Rocky: No really, I'm going to be one of the best loved superstars ever, and have some movies.

Sultan: Yeah right, and I'm going to bleach my hair and start rubbing my ass in people's faces.

[spd10000]

Originally Posted by Pegasus Crawford [img]

George Wells at WrestleMania II... with cum in his mouth.

[spd10000]

Originally Posted by Pegasus Crawford [img]

George Wells, at WrestleMania 2... with cum in his mouth.

[Nowhere Man]

Vince was pleased at how well his Kane/Andre/Big Show hybrid had come out.



Rare footage showing the aftermath of one of Hunter's "push" parties.



Most people don't really remember the very first WWF appearance of Eddie Guerrero, sneaking in to steal Piper's 3-foot party sub just as he was about to take a bite.



Rick Rude's tights were cool enough, but they were a thousand times more interesting when you were in the state of mind Jake was in.



Virgil ups the ante on his long-running "who's got gayer clothes?" competition with Ted.



The WWF's first attempt at a Dragonrana ends in tragedy.



Sarge: For the last goddamned time, I'm NOT hiding weapons of mass destruction in my belt!



The beautiful woman kissing him on the cheek was nowhere as thrilling as the hot tongue action he was getting from Richards (long live the running gag!)



The last appearance of Jerry Lawler before he is hauled off and thrown to the lions.



When you think of the best matches in Wrestlemania, you might think of Savage/Steamboat from Mania 3, or the Iron Man Match of WM 12. But for me, the greatest match in all of Wrestlemania history has GOT to be the classic "Human Pinata" match of '94.



Back in the day, Scott Hall was quite the hottie. It's really pretty sad to see what all that drinking and, y'know, growing a penis, did to her.



This would go down in history as the last time a Pedigree and a No-sell were done by different people in the same match.



People were skeptical about his chances, but if there was anyone in the WWF who could take down Hannibal Lecter, it'd be the Rock.



The Midnight Express were slightly embarassed when they realized that they'd just spent the past 10 minutes trying to throw this guy out of the ring, only to remember that the Rumble was 2 months ago.



Going from one of the most respected baseball players of your time to being dry-humped by a gigantic red guy while wearing a chicken costume. Bet you're starting to regret all that time you spent at the bookie, eh, Pete?



The referee solidifies his heel turn by distracting Blackman with hand puppets, thus allowing Albert to get up and win the match.



From this to Stephanie....well, you can't blame Hunter for wanting to move up!



Taker probably should've been able to avoid Flair's attack, but to be honest, you'd be a bit distracted by that enormous bulge in Flair's pants, too. Although most of you guys probably wouldn't stare that intently.



Bret Hart's special guest appearance was short but to the point. (blatantly stealing an old Lammy caption)


....wow....a vast majority of those blew.

[KayfabeMan]

Everyone knew Piper was nuts,but when he challenged an invisible
Andre The Giant to a match,they finally locked him away....


Who knew that less than 10 years later this would be called Nitro???


This is why you never try to powerbomb a 400+ pound man....


Sadaam was deeply offended when Hogan said that Hulkamania was
going to take over the entire world.....


Macho: "Hey,what does this button do?"


HHH tried his best to hold down The Ultimate Warrior....seconds later
he remembered that he was supposed to marry the boss' daughter
FIRST.


Flair turned the tables on The Undertaker by using the glass ceiling
to hold HIM down instead....

[Corkscrewed]

....wow....a vast majority of those blew.

Change "blew" to "were awesome" and you have it. I was gonna try but then you had to come along and make me feel worthless while laughing at the same time.

[Rock Bottom]

It was KKB who invented the whole angle of "keeping the black man down," back in the day.


Virgil - This week on the E! True Hollywood Story.


Only by this journey to the past, do we realize who Steven Richards's real father is... For these are the photos of his conception.


Rude: So Snake. Since all the words in my wrestling name start with "R," you think I should just go by Triple R?
Jake: Welllllllll... (Staggering around drunk) You fink just becozz my name rhymes... That you should just shuck my dick..?
Rude: Damnit Jake. I'm serious. I'm sure it would go over well and I want to get a name like that before someone else thinks of it...
Jake: Yeah it'd go over well... Over yer mouf ya little girl... Heeeehehehehe...


Million Dollar Man was not to be fucked with after employing his new cohort - The "Pink Black Panther."


Director: Cut! Dude you're going to need to lose like at least sixty pounds before we shoot this.
Earthquake: But that could take YEARS.
Director: I know man, but it would be well worth it. I can see it now! "The Sopranos, a top rating show on HBO!"


Bulk Hogan and Saddam Hoss-ain would battle it out to the finish.


Sherry: What's wrong Shawn? Don't you like women?
Michaels: Yeah, I guess.
Sherry: Then why are you making that face?
Michaels: I just have a feeling I'm going to need to work on my jaw motions.


Ross: We're live here, at Caesar's Palace, in Rome. I have just been offered to have my future read by an elite guard. I'm excited. So, Elite Guard, what is in store for my future?
Guard: In the future, you will develop a problem with Bells Paulsy. You will also get fatter, and wear a cowboy hat. You will make BBQ sauce, and you will die of a heart attack, as that BBQ sauce will become the very blood that runs in your veins.
Ross: By God. Sharpshooter, Super-Kick, Leg-Drop, Razor's Edge.


Crush: Um Randy, this isn't what I meant when I suggested the Torture Rack...


Pam: Wow Kev, tonight was really great. Thanks for bringing me out to Wrestlemania.
Nash: No problem baby, you know how BDC does it... So... Wanna go to my place so I can beat the shit out of you?
Pam: Okay!


Satan: Paullllllllly, oh Paulllllllllly...
HHH (Pre-Asshole Era): Huh? What's that voice?
Satan: Remember what we talked about?
HHH: Yeah... You can go to hell Satan! I'll never do that to all my friends!
Satan: But Paullllllllly... Warrior is about to no-sell your pedigree and bury your push...
HHH: ...Ugh. Alright. What do you want me to do?
Satan: In time, one of my seed will come to you, and you shall lie with her, and your first-born shall be the antichrist...

...And by the way, never tell me to go to hell ever, ever, again.


Maivia: But I *am* ready master! Ben, tell him!
Ref: He *is* ready, master.
Rikishi: Hmmmm. No. Nope! He is too old.
Ref: So was I, if you would remember.
Rikishi: Rrrrrrrrgh... Powerful, is Game-der...
Maivia: I'm not afraid.
Rikishi: *Shows him a picture of HHH* You will be... You WILL be...


Jim: Wow! These guys are just like Michaels and Janetty! I wond- O.O (suddenly a huge penis is thrust down his throat)


Teddy: This is bull shit, man. Them white Hebner boys get to ref the championship matches, while the BLACK MAN have to ref a hoss chokin' his chicken. But I will overcome.


Blackman: Dude, wtf? Why didn't you count three?
Teddy: Shut up cracka! You tryin' to say the BLACK MAN can't count?
Blackman: My last name is Black Man!
Teddy: Ha-ha, very funny mother fucker.


Chyna was to women as Triple H was to men.


Flair: Give me your clothes.


Vince: Lex...
Shane: Yes pops? Who did this to you!?
Vince: S... S...
Shane: Don't speak. I'll get that Richards myself!
Vince: SUUUP... ER...
Shane: Wow, thanks for your enthusiasm.
Vince: Ne... ve... rmi...n...
Shane: Yeah dad, thanks. I'll never mingle with mid-carders.

[Corkscrewed]

LMAO at Triple H/Warrior/Satan and Long/Blackman!!!

[Lamuella]

Wrestlemania 1



The first Wrestlemania was so low budget theyt had to be sponsored by Monosodium Glutemate



Due to terrible back problems, Jimmy Snuka could no longer lower his arms.



The joy of winning the match was soured by the terrible pain of hemmarhoids.



Jimmy Hart realised he was in trouble when King Kong Bundy crept up on him and said "Y'all got a purty mouth"



sneaky strategy tip #5: if you can't pin your opponent, throw a dart in his back.



Midway through the match, the man in the sweater surrendered to the authorities.



"Greg Valentine, tell us what You like best about the flavour enhancing goodness of Monosodium Glutemate"



"My boys won't rest until we find who stole their pants."

[Mikey]

Originally Posted by Nowhere Man [img] Virgil ups the ante on his long-running "who's got gayer clothes?" competition with Ted. .

LMFAO

[Lamuella]

Wrestlemania 2



He was blind, he'd never wrestled a match in his life... but even the casual fans agreed he had more heat as WWF champ than HHH



Halfway through the match, baby Chavo Guererro changed the gravitational pull on the arena and both men were dragged towards the entranceway.



Although heavily hyped, the Mr T Pyjama Party Pre-Show for wrestlemania was a ratings bomb.



Back in the eighties, Chris Benoit regularly cross-dressed and worked as a valet.



A white substance dribbling out of his mouth? A mighty python near his face? No, I'm sorry, I don't see any joke here at all.



It's only when we meet Hulk Hogan's tailor that his outfits make sense



Desparate for the win, Mr T shoots a laser beam out of his boxing glove, impaling Piper and the ref.



both girls: EEEK! A mouse! A mouse!



Typical, you throw a gay orgy and EVERYONE turns up.



And all because he said the magic words, "I'll let you pin me if you give me an Airplane"



Martha Stewart had really let herself go



"I have Elvira's panties in my pocket"



Nicholas Cage was wondering who the hell persuaded him to try and be a wrestler in the first place.



OK, so his fiancee was ugly, overweight, possibly a man, and had no fingers on her left hand, but DAMN she could suck a mean cock!



The world's first "overweight ice rink" match got underway



Baby chavo chuckled. Now the gravitational pull dragged all wrestlers towards the audience.



It was getting harder and harder to get the young fellas to "pay their dues". It was just no fun if you had to grab their heads and pull.



A rare example of a live feral Howard Finkel was displayed at venues across the country



King Kong Bundy's vicious Breath Attack was feared throughout the company.



"Momma! I caught me a whale!"

[Lamuella]

Wrestlemania 3



As they emerged from the hole in the ground to the roar of 78,000 fans, both men decided this was the worst jailbreak ever.



Biting your opponent's ass, while funny, could get you into serious trouble.



"Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for MEEEEEEE!"



It was clear that someone needed a nap



Position #54: The Rowboat



"Y'all got a purty mouth"



Harley Race was less than fond of his new Lord Flasher gimmick



Position # 66: The SideSwipe



VINCE (thinks): My god, his skin is BRIGHT ORANGE!



Roddy Piper cursed whoever it was that had told Adrian Adonis that he was made out of chocolate



He was a nice guy, but Andre's breath was truly horrendous



When Roddy tried to describe is ordeal at Adrian's hands to the crowd, he was reduced to using the ancient arts of mime and charade.



Davey Boy Smith sobbed quietly. He wanted to be IC champion one day, but did he really want to pay his dues THIS way?



Judging by the expression, Andre was either thinking "in an infinite universe, is the concept of a god necessary to a belief in the spiritual?" or "I could really go for a steak right now"



Hiring a parrot as commentator was derided by many as a mistake on Vince's part, especially as he was in love with the camera.



"You've got it all wrong! Beat him up first, THEN steal his shoes! Did I teach you nothing?"



The first test run of the Invisible Jetpack was a qualified success.



Randy Savage could instil fear in the heart of any opponent by turning to him with a wild look in his eyes and snarling "You're my wife now"



Steamboat was famed for his unorthodox tactics, but nobody suspected he would break into the Charleston halfway through the match.



Sometimes even WWF superstars just need a hug



On second throughts, the invisible jetpack needed some fine tuning

WOW, LOOK at all these old school captions. Man these bring back memories. I loved that segment when Adonis attacked Piper on the Pit.

[The Show Off]

The refree lost intrest in the match when he realized the the canvas of the ring would be great for carpet in his library.


A milk mustache campagine reject.


Piper screamed in terror when a vison of his future flashed in front of him of Wrestlemania XIX. "I'm so fat" he excalimed.


"Quaid start the reactor"


Despite popular belief the WWE has come a long way when it comes to eliminating insensitive material in it shows. One example of this is this picture of "The Master DiBiase selling his slave Virgil for a goat" Thankfully only moths later the NAACP cracked down on WWE's racial insensitivity.

[Lamuella]

Wrestlemania 4



Wrestlemania 4 saw the launch of the Jesse Ventura: Zebra Hunter gimmick. It didn't last long.



"you do the hokie pokie and you turn yourself about..."



After a pitched battle, Bret Hart defeated Johnny Five.



Brutus Beefcake had the uncanny ability to walk on the underside of the glass ceiling



People have accused wrestling of bad taste before, but nothing came close to Honky Tonk Man's impersonation of a breech birth.



Koko B Ware was distracted from the match when he found that suspended above the ring was a wicked cool rope swing!



This was the last time Trump would be on good terms with the WWF. Years later he would sue Vince for stealing the "Evil Boss" persona, and vince would countersue for trademark on the words "You're fired."



After a year's hard work, Invisible Jetpack version 2.0 made its triumphant appearance.



Shortly after this moment, the Hulk Hogan line of deodorants and body sprays was withdrawn from the market.



Rick Rude: the only man in wrestling to talk out of his ass literally instead of figuratively.



Rude cursed the man who had told Jake he hid crack in his wristwatch.



When Checkered Neckties Attack



Andre's threat to tickle Hogan made the former world champion skittish



The camera operator cursed the man who had told Andre his head was made of Pate de Fois Gras.



Watching this, a young man named Bradshaw suddenly decided he wanted to be a wrestler too.



"My friend, you are mistaken. As the smiling young lady to my right will no doubt attest it is you that is the homo!"



Ted DiBiase was beginning to regret sticking his sewuins on with superglue



Position #105, the Rocket Launcher.



Halfway through the match, Don Muraco learned that his puppy had been run over by a truck. He was inconsolable.



To express his disappointment at being eliminated from the tournament, Hulk Hogan took a dump onstage.

[Evolution]

Lammy's back, and he's kickin' ass! props!

[Fryza]

Crocodile Dundee's new heel turn was met with little response.



You'd think this be a good idea, but you know what the winner got one of them new and improved Coca-Colas. The crowd just didn't buy it.



Bret: What the Hell? Who glued my trophy to the mat?!
Kid in front row: Hahaha, I could do this for a living...



Worst. Powerbomb. Ever.



Gotta give props to people who can hang themselves sideways.



That kid in the front row struck again, and super glues the smaller guy to the larger one's back. On another note, the larger one seemed completely unware of the transaction, due to him not even aware he was in the ring.



Donald wasn't about to let the Succubi next to him eat his penis, so Donald Trump knew what to do, and got out his "pepper spray," wink wink.



It was going well 'til he got his foot caught on the ropes. However, the slip up made the man's head NAIL the opponent's shoulder blade. Thus, the Diving Headbutt was born.



Scott Steiner, eat your heart out.



I've always heard the expression "Having eyes in the back of your head," but c'mon, this is just gross.



AND STEVEN RICHARDS WITH AN EYE RAKE!



Since when did Macho Man become an albino?!



With a flick of his wrist, Andre can send Hulk flying back with FIERCE TENACITY!



Andre was pleased to learn they'd be playing Seaseme Street over the 'tron that night. Wow, he sounds like a main-eventer the WWE has right now..



It was a double knock out. Hulk bit out Andre's appendix, and Andre broke Hulk's neck.



Wow, look how young Bob Barker looks!...oh...oh wait...



If Redneck's can pull out their suspenders, then so could Ted.



This has to be the most pathetic Banzi Drop that'll ever come.



Ref: I got some good news!
Don: I'm going to win the match?
Ref: Actually, you're going to lose your job. But I'm going to get 15% increasage on my paycheck!
Don: I hate your Gerold Geico...



Hogan: Where'sssssss my muneyyyyy bitchhhhhhh?!

[Gerard]

Ross: and this is my first time wearing a toga and what a fine garment it is.


the fact that he actually said that (or words to that effect) is stupid enough to pass for a caption





Vince: **** you hogan, shane..wheres my coffee?

[Scarlet]

Originally Posted by Nowhere Man The WWF's first attempt at a Dragonrana ends in tragedy.

LMAO! Gold....

[Blue Demon]

Sultan: I did it for the people...I did it for The Rock...
Rocky: What the hell are you talking about you sick freak...get out of here

[Mr. Monday Morning]

I was bored so I figured I'd do em all (n.b. I started doing these yesterday so they might tread on ground already covered above) A lot of these will probably suck, I think I started getting burnt out fairly soon on, but at least people can pick out the ones they like and do their own

Wrestlemania I



Even at a young age, Rhyno couldn't help himself



Tito freezes in horror as the Ghost of Gimmicks Future suddenly appears

"What the hell is that? A MATADOR? No ****in' way!"



It was time for the genetically engineered jobber's breastfeeding. Bundy obliged.



Bundy guides Jimmy Hart to the back, who was accidentally blinded earlier by catching site of Hogan naked



The first documented ass-shooting captured on film



Bruno didn't just want any old hotdog. He wanted a hotdog THIS big.



Valentine was confused by Finkel's pre-match introductions. Well, it's not easy to speak when you're stuck to the microphone.

"Rrnd nrr, rrr rinterrnrrninenrrl rramffion, rrer rrr rramer rrrlrrrrine!"



After 3 hours wandering around MSG looking for the ring Windham and Rotundo were starting to get just a little pissed off

[Mr. Monday Morning]

Wrestlemania II



It wasn't much of a challenge, but young Richards didn't care...



Muraco: "Sooooooo tired..."
Orndorff: "No you fool, you'll kill us both!"



If Mr. T's candycane bathrobe didn't knock Piper's game off, his pissed off midget corner man surely would



And lo, Savage was elevated



Jake sometimes got a little *too* excited using the snake...



Ladies and gentlemen, a freak. Alongside YOUR future governor of Minnesota.



God chose this match to take a rest room break



Moolah's powers were fading...she needed a fresh sacrifice



The first ever Winner Jobs to Hogan Next Year battle royal was underway. Competition was unsurprisingly slack.



"...and THIS is why they call me the giant!"



And here we have the first documented case of the glass ceiling



"SHARONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!"



Lord Alfred smiled. It was nice to be the one who stood out *least* for once.



And the Lord did speak unto Steamboat, and he did say: "WHOOOO!"



Adonis' high blood pressure was starting to become something of a problem



Elmer warmed up his finisher, the Square Dance of Death



Welcome to the Funk Family Improvisational Dance Hour! Here we see Dory going for an assisted front somersault, while Terry settles for a funky chicken.



Santana would sit through Terry's rendition of The Nutcracker Suite whether he liked it or not



Ever get the feeling nobody likes you?



The colossal power of Bundy's burp staggered even Hogan



Thus began the most vigorous back-patting session ever witnessed on PPV

[Mr. Monday Morning]

Wrestlemania III



The performers waited nervously to begin. They had to keep the crowd entertained, lest the resulting Mexican Wave cause an earthquake.



Orton maneuvered himself into position to use the dreaded 'Pit 'n' Crotch Hold'



Hercules figured *someone* in the audience must be a casting director, and so launched into his rendition of 'The Sound of Music'



Thoughtfully Herc covered Billy Jack Haynes' ears for him as he went for the high notes



Synchronised midget physical therapy on PPV...who'da thunk it?



Sometimes Bundy worried about Bundy Jr. He was only 7 and already needed a shave



The crowd hated Harley's games of 'Guess What I Ate For Lunch'



Harley primed another one. He *knew* those beans would come in handy sooner or later...



"Hogan 3:16? What kind of stupid crap is that?"



Piper wondered if he should be worried as Adonis broke into his castle screaming "There can be only one, McLeod!"



Jimmy saw what he was lieing next to, rolled over and moaned...not *again*. No more tequila for him...



Piper's impression of Hogan before his daily tan session drew rave reviews



"Left front molar, good. Left front incisor, good..."



Sorry but for some reason this pic reminds me of Funky



"Polly want some crack...er, I mean, a cracker. Yes, cracker."



The ref tried desperately to remind Tito that hazing of managers was meant to be done backstage ONLY



The ref was too busy practising his Charleston to notice the blatant choke right in front of him



"Want...belt. Oooh...yeah."



Savage tried vainly to fend off Steamboat, arch-noogier



Steamboat: "Want belt!"

Savage: "No! Belt mine!"



Hogan's original plan was to let the blood rush to Andre's head. Given that this would've taken several hours he had to improvise.

[Mr. Monday Morning]

Wrestlemania IV



Ventura reacts to the news that his car has been towed



Steele waited patiently on the outside. *Someone* would drop a banana soon...



"K lemme see...attach trophy A to stand C using join F...where's join F?"



Embarrassed, Virgil noticed he had forgotten to clean his lip-prints off Ted



The penalty for using Hogan's fake tan without permission was severe



Rhyno started to become more daring in later years



"Get your hand off my wallet, dear"



God chose the most inopportune moment to ask Reed about his hair colouring



The drug testers just *had* to show up after Hogan had already been..



Vince struck a deal with Rude. In exchange for a push, he'd have to wear tights designed by Stephanie. For Wrestlemania, Rude chose the 'Self-Portrait' pair.



Jake regaled Rick with tales of his childhood



Try as he might, not even Hercules could keep Warrior from his dictionary



Flashback: Hogan attempts to teach Andre how to get 'down with it'



Andre recaps the hilarious story of the time he ate a Big Mac



Andre The Giant Masseur



"I sure hope my wife ain't watching"



Ted Dibiase wears Versace to the ring tonight...



Savage would perform his jumping jacks routine over Dibiase's dead body



Savage didn't want to say anything, but he still couldn't help but reel from Hebner's halitosis



Here we see Hogan invent a gesture which would become insanely popular on the show 'Friends'

[Mr. Monday Morning]

Wrestlemania V



You'd be amazed what you can pick up at your local fancy dress store



Shawn hated the geographically impaired



This year Ted Dibiase wears Armani, while accompanying him will be Virgil in Jean-Paul Gaultier



The referee smirked. Perfect would never notice the sign on his back...



Blazer: "Hey did you know there's a sign on your back?"

Perfect: "What? What does it say?"

Blazer: "Uhhh...it looks like 'Perfect Ass'"

Perfect: "I don't know whether to be angry, scared, or turned on..."



The referee froze. He couldn't help himself...that was one HELL of an ass...



The Rocky Hossor Show



Here we see the lesser-spotted Flying Stereotype



There was no escape from the Nipple Tweak of Doom...



Snuka debuts his new home-made outfit. Does it show?



Arn lay back and thought of Starrcade...



It was getting harder and harder to get the guys to allow the annual rectal probes



Never were braces more welcome



"...I lu' you. Yeerrrrrr me beshtest pal."



What is it with wrestlers and fire extinguishers?



"So, I hear your wife's easy huh?"



Studd was informed there wasn't a gun with sufficient calibre outside of a military base to successfully shoot Andre in the ass



The experimental Viagra kicked in right when Valentine needed it least



Stephanie spent *hours* making sure the belt face would look *exactly* right when it came to being on TV. Little did she know...



"Come on, hurry up, I'm almost out of paint!"



"Paint...gone. Warrior...fading."



Warrior just about has enough left to be able to use Heenan to break through the glass ceiling



"I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok...."



Randy Savage: The Tropical Years



Savage impersonates someone else who fell at the hands of those less worthy..



Backstage, McMahon prepared the rabies shot



"Bet you've never seen THIS one before! Huh? Huh?"

[Mr. Monday Morning]

Wrestlemania VI



Much as Rick tried, those boots just weren't coming off.



Demolition revelled in their deserved title of 'Fetish Sportsmen of the Year'



Andre caught sight of the novelty sideburns Heenan had glued to his face while he was sleeping. Someone was gonna pay...



"This had better not be Rhyno glue you bastard"



Big Blue Hairy Man #1 vs Big Blue Hairy Man #2. What's a referee to do?



"There'd better not be a sign on my back"



"Who wants me to put a sign on this guy's back?"



"What? Is there something on my face?"



Greetings, comrades! We come from Russia for cultural exchange! We..what? Wrong arena?"



Bret Hart : Beating on Russians makes him feel so ALIVE



Shawn wonders what the hell he was tripping on when he agreed to wear...*those*



Fuji taps Jannetty's ass. No, not in *that* way...



It was getting harder and harder to get the vendor's attention

"2 HOTDOGS, A POPCORN AND A LARGE SODA!"



Duggan furiously collected as many Pogs as he could before the ring crew swept them away



Unfortunately for Duggan and the audience in attendance, Quake was still being house-trained



As Bravo bent over, the crowd noticed Duggan had wood...



"What's that? No, it's Armani. Yeah they do some great work for me. It's a bitch to wash though."



Superfly realised his nightmare had come true...he was in an arena in front of thousands of people, wearing only his underwear!



Steph's typeface work didn't go unnoticed



Twister with Akeem was always difficult



As Jake goes comatose from one vodka too many, Dibiase is forced to ask if there is a doctor in the house



"Ok, I want no wrestling, no believability, and definitely NO understating anything. You got it?"



The fight to see who would lead the dance was epic to say the least



Warrior gasps in horror as he finds out what prolonged steroid use can do to a man



"...Hulk I don't know what to say, this is so unexpected"

"Just say yes, you'll hold my title while I go off and shoot a movie!"



"Who wants streamers?"

[Mr. Monday Morning]

Wrestlemania VII



Jannetty has the decency to act gulity in front of the Flourescent Leopard Support Foundation



Barbarian busied himself trying to grow eyes in the back of his head



"NO! Not the furry codpiece!"



"What's that? Heroin? I'll be right over!"



Bulldog had to admit, 'Warlord' sounded much better than 'The Angry Penis'



Warlord didn't take kindly to being mocked about looking like an angry penis



Jim Ross, watching on TV: "Bah Gawd Inverted 69!"



Davey Boy would never look at a penis the same way again (damn, stretched that joke way too far)



Bret felt like kicking the Nastys in the balls, if only for bringing a member of the Village People to ringside with them



"Sing it! Sing YMCA!"

"Never!"



Knobbs let fly with his own rendition



"Shoot...THIS guy in the ass! What? Little to the right? Ok...shoooooot....THIS guy in the ass! Colder? Damn it!"



"Hey man, got any speed? I could use some speed. Or maybe some coke, that'd do."

"Uh, Jake..."



Jake's own interpretation of the feather boa



Taker wishes he *was* dead as Snuka recounts the hilarious story about him and Don Muraco in a New York grocery store back in '82



Warrior: "No, I am not a homo. I am a transgenically suptefiable mystic organalthatron, with a flair for tassles."

Savage: "?!"



Warrior: "See, as I counterbalance the equifiable forcenicity of your bipedolegic motionicity, I find myself in a superlubrious state of being."

Savage: "?!"



Warrior: "And even as I lay here in a state of transmorphogenically enhanced calm, I am aware of what I must do in order to aversenifiy your bombardicionification."

Savage: "?!"



Warrior: "Behold me in all my irridecentifious magnificompliciity!"

Savage: "Will you shut the fuck up already?"



Warrior: "!"

Savage: "Dude, let go of my crotch"



Warrior: "Hmm, perhaps I *am* a homo. TELL ME WARRIORS!"

Savage, under his breath: "You're a homo!"



Savage: "I can't believe he fell for that"

Liz: "Well I'm glad he did, my ears were starting to hurt the amount of bullshit he was spouting"



Slaughter didn't take kindly to Hogan talking about his camel that way



Sarge took time out to indulge in a book while Hogan flailed around aimlessly



Hogan was getting harder to force feed in hid old age. Slaughter had to force his mouth open while Hebner handled the food

Hebner: "Here comes the airplane, neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeooooooow!"



"YOU didn't take the carrots out!"



The World Tantrum Throwing Champion had struck again

[Mr. Monday Morning]

Wrestlemania VIII



Sherri let Shawn in on exactly what it took to be a main eventer in these parts



"Hell, I do all that stuff anyway!"



"Jesus Shawn, not out here"



Undertaker stared down the man who had stolen his sunbed. He would *pay*



Taker : "I got a Roberts to deliver here for ya, where do you want it?"



It was a three way dance for the title of Most Flamboyant Male (may I just note that this referee absolutely sucked ass, worst I've ever seen)



Piper: "Goddamn Rhyno glue!"



Bret tried the unique, never-before-seen, 'extract the other guy's tonsils' counter to the sleeper



Dr Hart went to clean up as Piper realised he'd be on soup for a while



"Lemme here you out there! YYYYYYYY..."



Perfect's neon shoulderpads were a bit OTT, but hey, this was Wrestlemania



Savage's outfit caused millions of viewers to simultaeneously hit their TV sets



Everyone tried to convince Savage it was a bad idea for him to 'whip it out'



The director quickly cut away to save the home viewers. Unfortunately Hebner was not so lucky and got a full frontal view.



Savage debuted his Figure Four Ball Lock. Flair was in agony and immediately reached for the ropes.



Flair: "Liz...*I* am your father"

Liz: "No! That's not possible!"



Earl just *had* to let everyone sample his new anti-persperant



Tatanka prepared for the most dramatic sneeze ever captured on film



The ref supplied the schoolboy trip, Tatanka supplied the wedgie. Now *that's* teamwork.



Hart: "Hey Teddy there's a big fat guy near you and it looks like he's trying to hit you!"

Dibiase: "No shit sherlock!"



The Bearded Fat Men Club did not take kindly to outsiders



The crowd stared in amazement as Skinner gave birth to a fully grown Hart



The umbillical cord on this one was an unusual colour



It would never be revealed just who was the homo



"I might be a homo, but at least I'm good at softball! Wait..."



Hogan prepared to take a bite out of his new string cheese shirt



Insert blonde joke here...



Sid played one intense game of pattycake



Sid tried to console Hogan. It was past his bedtime and wanted his Mommy...



Hogan went into a rage, kicking Hebner's head off in the process



Thankfully it was Homo Warrior to the rescue



"How much fucking longer do we have to stand like this?"

[Mr. Monday Morning]

Wrestlemania IX



"Check out this hoss right here"



Michaels, alarmed, jumped into Tatanka's arms. It wasn't everyday a man saw Hogan convincing Vince to give him a title shot.



Michaels: "Now he's...oh gross, don't stick that in *there*!"

Tatanka: "Oh god I don't wanna hear any more!"



Steiner and Fatu didn't like to be watched during their massage sessions



The Headshrinkers recoiled as Rick insisted that *somebody* was going to jerk him off



Finally, resignedly, Scott accepted the task. Again.



Doink recoils at Crush mentioning the word "rimjob"



"Hey it's sunny out, might as well work on my t...oh wait, never mind"



Dibiase is greeted by an extra from Eyes Wide Shut (yeah I know it hadn't been made yet, blah blah)



"Hey Ross, this is what you're gonna look like in a few years!"



"Come on, who wants to blow me? I got cash..."



How To Set A Man's Ass On Fire



"I don't have a sign on my back do I?"



Taker: "I see you had bolognaise earlier"

Gonzalez: "What?..Oh jeez, not the beard again!"



The world's first simultaeneous tonsil check



Gonzalez: "What the...is that Vince with Yokozuna?"

Taker: "I do *not* wanna know"



Bret was pleased with his X-Ray specs



The giant fly-swatter lurked menacingly



Hebner shrieked as he slowly began to get caught in the gravitational pull of Yoko's ass



Fuji tried to convince Bret the middle rope was made of candy



Fuji performed "We Are The Champions" in the kareoke style while Yoko practised his Elvis impersonation



Feeding time for Hulk again



"Hmm, I wonder if I'm the only person who wanted this to happen?"

[Mr. Monday Morning]

Wrestlemania X



Owen's reaction after moments earlier sneaking a look at Vince's office with his X-Ray specs



What are they gonna do this year, hire him a hooker?



I'm glad *I* wasn't in the front row that day



Savage *knew* that changing the bait to a plate of coke would catch him something good - and sure enough...



The Fat Albert impersonation contest got underway in earnest



"Ok one more time, take the hammer, and hit the bell"

"Hit the what?"

"The round thing, right there"

"What about it?"

"Hit it!"

"Hit what?"

...



"What? There's a sign on my back? Don't fuck with me on this. If there's nothing there I'm gonna kill you"



Bomb: "*sniff*..Yep, definitely crotch rot"

Quake: "I *knew* it! *sob* "



Rhyno struck again



Bret tried to ignore the giant bong in front of him and focus on his job



Owen recoiled in horror as he saw Bret had been amputated from the knees down



Here we see the first documented attempt at an Ass Cannon



Owen was ridiculously ticklish under his arm



After Owen made a crack about Bret's liking of pink suddenly it wasn't fun and games anymore



Bret: "This *really* isn't the time for a piggyback Owen"



Bret quickly realised that Owen's threat of shoving his foot up his ass was no idle one



Luna couldn't stand the thought of someone who looked weirder than her being on the same PPV



Bigelow could only watch as the ref was sucked into the black hole of WWF developmental talent



"Man, I'm gonna need something to get through this one. K, lemme see here...aww man, not baking powder AGAIN"



Savage attempts to camoflauge himself as a set of MSG steps



"So if you're after great auto work at low prices, visit Briscoe Brothers Body Shop...wait, what the hell is this?"



Without his contact lenses, Jacques had a tough time seeing exactly where he was supposed to land



The lady was unimpressed by the size of Donnie



Luger gets tired listening to Yoko bitch about the price of pizza nowadays



"Come on...just ONE ab crunch, that's all I'm asking...come on dammit!"



Razor was confused. 'diK kaerBtraeH'? Who was diK kaerBtraeH?



Shawn recoiled as the ladder hit an empty cage hanging above the ring. 'What the hell is that for?' he wondered...



Razor: "Hey what's that cage for?"

Michaels: "For the last time I don't know! Now hold the ladder steady, I hate heights"



Shawn was confused. Why did Razor have the Roman number 2 written all over his tights?



Mid-match Shawn stopped to ponder what his life would be like if he hadn't assaulted his former partner using a barber shop window



"I know everyone expects me to say it, but I'm not gonna. Even a blind man could shoot you in the ass"



Bret wept as Yoko practised his Fonzy impressions

"Ayyyyyyyyyyyyy, forget all about it!..Wait, wait that's not right.."



As Yoko's tights ripped from being stretched too far the man to the left of the picture tragically died of fright



"I would like to dedicate this to the family of the man I just inadvertantly killed. He was a good man, and he died helping me go over."

[Mr. Monday Morning]

Wrestlemania XI



If this was today, what are the odds they'd be facing an evil Al Qaeda tag team?



Nondescript Jobber Without Pants #1 struggled to free himself



Jarrett: "That's sleeper...S-L-Double E-P.."

Razor: "For fuck's sake Jeff knock it off"



I really have no idea what is occurring here...



Taker got stuck with taking Bundy for his night-time walkies



Unfortunately Taker picked precisely the *wrong* time to 'amuse' himself...



Gunn unleashes the highly illegal Wet Willie



Bart hadn't really paid attention in the classes on building a human pyramid



Vince was determned to rub Bart Gunn out of WWE history...literally



Old Man Backlund found a comfortable spot to take his nap



Backlund was unhappy with his dentures, so he figured he'd just get some new ones...



"WHOA, Backgammon!"



Since it was past Bob's bedtime he unfortunately dozed off mid-move. Bret could tolerate that...but when he started to drool on his shoulder, well...



Backlund tries to run away from Piper's kareoke stint but Bret is having none of it



"I am not a homo"



"Hey Shawn check me out...hey, I don't mean *literally*"



Well *somebody* had to replace the blown lightbulb



Shawn calls in vain for the Perry Saturn runin



Shawn's motioning for Diesel to kiss his ass was a little *too* vigorous



Bigelow: "It was your idea for him to wear those shorts wasn't it Pat?"

Patterson: "Well uh, I..I mean uh, Vince...well y'know it's..."



Unfortunately for Bigelow, Patterson had also been training Taylor



Bigelow asked Taylor to check his heartbeat as a precaution...he wasn't used to main eventing and was a bit nervous



Bigelow resorted to the despicable tactic of tickling Taylor's feet



The dreaded Patterson liplock was enough to secure victory



"Get me to the back quick, I gotta wash my damn mouth out"

[Mr. Monday Morning]

Wrestlemania XII



At ringside Jim Ross goes into hoss overdrive



"Hmm, someone's been hitting the juice"



Finally Owen forced Jake to confess that it was indeed him who drank Owen's mouthwash



Piper decided to take over Repo Man's old job



Is it too easy to point out that Piper is approaching Goldust, who is bent over the hood of the car, while holding wood?



"We'll start the bidding at 10 bucks. Anyone? Oh come on.."



Austin is visited by the Ghost of Gimmicks Future

"What the hell...is that a zamboni?"



"So then it showed me the future, and I'm gonna be the biggest star in the history of this sport!"

"Ahahahahaha, good one Steve"



"Oh, so you don't believe me huh? Well Austin 24:17 says I'm gonna whoop your ass! Hmm...I might work on that one"



"Greetings paeons. I bow to you now, but before long, you will ALL bow to me"



HHH: "Are you absolutely *sure* about this?"

Satan: "Yep, go ahead"



"Hey I can see the glass ceiling from here!"



"God this is so embarrassing. This had better not happen again."



Nash wistfully thought of a future without Vince, jobbing, and having to work.



It was Taker's turn to change the lightbulbs



Nash: "Give me a W..."



Nash took the time to chat with Satan at ringside

"So, you think you can swing it?"

"Sure, shouldn't be a problem, lemme just make a call...hello, Eric?.."



Taker: "C'mon, get with the sucking, you know the drill"

Nash: "Ha, not anymore buddy. I'm off to a place where I am the sucked, not the sucker"



Taker: "Well, ok...but whaddya say once more, for old times' sake?"

Nash: "Oh *alright*..."



Indigestion can strike at the worst times...



"Giddyup hoss!"



Bradshaw had some *strange* ideas when it came to hazing



Piper had flashbacks to Prom night. Suddenly he began to feel very violent...



Shawn: "Well, how about if I put you in the Sharpshooter and you pass out?"

Bret: *squeezes harder*

Shawn: "OW! Jeez ok, ok..."



I love how with 20 seconds to go the women in the front row are just talking between themselves



"Got any bananas?"



Once again Bret was volunteered for the Ass Cannon experiment



"Precioussssssssssssssss..."



"Shawnegol will takes care of yous, oh yes..."



The belt was affecting him...under his breath Michaels murmured something about "stupid fat Hebner"...

[Mr. Monday Morning]

Wrestlemania XIII



Bradshaw demonstrates the 'Haze-o-matic'



One-Armed Man desperately wanted the tag



Thrasher checks his watch to make sure he hasn't jobbed out too early to prevent him losing his paycheque



A pig farmer being pinned by a freak in a dress...nah, WWF was *fine* back in 97



"I can't believe I'm gettin paid for this shit!"



And here we have an example of the lesser known, very rare, Greenus Rockus



"...and then I'm gonna get my own movie!"

"...What in the *hell* have you been smoking?"



So *that's* where the DX crotch chop came from...



"Trust me kid, just keep your head down, pretty soon you'll have a steady job on Superstars"

"Hnn...nooooooooo!"



"Ok fine, I'll job, just get the old man's towel out of my mouth!"



"Jesus Dad, didn't we talk about you wearing a shirt in public?"



HHH: "It's ok...it'll be ok...I'll be on top someday...it'll be ok..."



Chyna is let out for the first time



HHH gives props to his man Satan, front row again



HHH: "..****in jip...still have to make it look interesting...gotta be a way around that somehow..."



"Say...this is pretty interesting. What if I just do this all the time? That could work. Shit yeah!"



Vader had wanted ribs, but he didn't mean literally...



Odds are high that someone somewhere heard the words "one legged man in an asskicking contest" right around now



Bret's attempt at legdropping Austin's neck over the railing went horribly wrong



God returned to his seat near the front



Shamrock was momentarily torn...check for the submission or check out Austin's ass? Tough one...



Shamrock: "Hey, my name's Ken. Wanna go for a drink later?"

Austin: "*Really* not the time right now..."



Eventually Austin had to feign passing out just to shut Shamrock up



"Hi kids!"



Dental floss can be a bitch to get out sometimes...



The first recorded sighting of the invisible crucifix



"Hey weren't you wearing purple last year?"

"Uh, yeah...my wife mixed my stuff in with hers in the wash"



"I hate it when they do that. Fortunately my wrestling gear has never gotten caught out"

"Oh man, it was terrible. Man, if I could, I'd just nab a piece of eye candy and divorce the bitch..."



"What the...is that mascara?"

"Uh...I uh...well...yes. Guilty pleasure."



"Nope, your posture seems fine"



"*sniff* Nope, no crotch rot here"

"Well, that's a relief"



"Check me out. I shaved my pits and everything!"

[Fryza]

Back in the old days, when you got nailed to the invisible crucifix, someone had to NAIL you too it. Unlike them new ones, with invisible nails that just stabbed through your wrists. Conflound whippersnappers. Too lazy to get nailed properly.

[Mr. Monday Morning]

Wrestlemania XIV



Cornette inadvertently causes one of his own men to get shot in the ass



Remember this guy? Remember when this guy actually got *TV* time?



The Cruiserweight stacking contest got off to a bad start



HHH: "Jeez how long does it take already?"



HHH: "Hey, Satan, little help?"

Satan: *in front row* "Ohhh very well. Since you will end up marrying one of mine"



Owen screamed in frustration as HHH uncovered his secret water gun



"Gimme the gun! Give it back! Don't make me hurt you!"



Just to really piss Owen off, HHH passed the gun over to Chyna



Here's a rare sight - Marc Mero not being carried by his wife



Goldust summons the spirit of Adrian Adonis



Sable preps the WhirlyTits of Death



"For the last time Ken I don't want to go for a drink later!"



"HOW ABOUT NOW HUH? YOU WANNA GO NOW? YEAH I BET YOU DO!"



Funk: "I knew I shoulda turned left at Alberquerque"



Cactus: "What the...hey Sid!"

Voice from inside the dumpster: "Wha...oh, hey Cactus. Um...please don't tell anyone how I live?"



Road Dogg: "...Sid?"

Voice from inside the dumpster: "What the...oh great, just great. Why don't I just go on TV and show everyone I live in a dumpster?"

RD: "Uh...well..."



Funk would let Cactus go just as soon as he had the promise of a hot meal and bed to sleep in



Well, it's not every day you have a baseball legend in your crotch



"Hey...I could get used to this"



Thank goodness for Emergency Generator Druids



Kane: "I guess we'd better make this a good match, since it'll probably be the last time we face each other and all."

Taker: "...You're new at this, aren't you?"



Taker: "Hey...*gag*...easy! You're not supposed to *actually* choke me you know!"

Kane: "Oops, sorry"



Taker: "Ok now for God's sake be careful and don't drop me on my head alright? ALRIGHT? HEY! HELLO?"



"Drop ME on my head will you? Take this mother fucker! This is the last goddamn time I put anyone over!"



"Who the fuck are you calling a wifebeater?"



It was a good attempt, but making a 'J' is always difficult



"What's that say? 'Beware the fat-assed Samoan?' Yeah ok, whatever"



"Hey, those shirts aren't free you know"

[Mr. Monday Morning]

Wrestlemania XV



Head: "Behind you, idiot!"



Hardcore Holly proudly displays his Grumpiest Bitter Asshole World Championship



D'Lo couldn't help himself..in the prescence of a spotlight, he just had to burst into song...



Owned



Big Show might've won a title first, but who's going to be remembered longer? Ah, sweet justice



"Hey kids, be sure to brush and floss regularly, or Mr. Socko'll pull your freakin' teeth out!"



Hebner is astonished that anyone could actually lift Mick's fat ass that high



"The Big Nasty? What the hell kind of name is that?"



It's the Blue Meanie at Wrestlemania. Nuff said.



"WANNA GO FOR A DRINK NOW?"



"Aw jeez I'm having the dream again. Ok, come on Pete wake up...wait a minute..."



HHH: "Hey, Satan, I'm on my back here, something's wrong with this picture"

Satan: *sitting in front row* "Holy shit guy, you've got less patience than that Dubya kid"



Sure enough, the sight of HHH being on his back was enough to distract Kane for long enough for the chair shot



The illegitimate love child of Giant Gonzalez made her debut



The illegitimate love child of the Elephant Man made her debut



"Ok, lemme see, she's in my crotch, and I'm looking at her...dammit, this isn't how Vince wanted it"



Ref: "Seriously, just be patient, your time to piss off the fans beyond belief will come"



Worst. Hell in the Cell. Ever.



Bossman: "You're not *really* gonna hang me right?"

Taker: "Uh...sure. Now shut up and let me hit you"



Bossman: "Hey what the ****, you said you weren't going to really hang me!"

Taker: "Meh"



Austin reels as Rock chooses to flash the People's Crotch as an offensive move



"Make fun of the People's Crotch will you?!"



"Aha see, now the People's hands have caught your candyass boot, and now the People's champ is going to lay the People's smackdown on yo..."

"Will you shut the **** up!"



"Prepare for the People's rock bottom you son of a..."

"Oh, THAT does it"



Dramatic Stunner leads to Dramatic Stunner Oversell



"Ohhhhhhhhhhh hell yeah! Now I'm gonna go home and beat my wife"



"Hey Steve could you stop with the wife beating stuff, it's not going down so well"

"Well what do you suggest?"

"Well uh...oh fine, just give me a stunner"



Earl Hebner was having the night of his life. He was out late, AND drinking a beer. Take THAT, Mom!

[Mr. Monday Morning]

Wrestlemania XVI/2000



"Any ho's up in here? Wait, what am I saying, look at where we are"



D'Lo started to regret those burritos



Bossman was surprised at how pleased D'Lo was to see him



Bob Holly goes over again? What the hell?



"What the...'Maven'll kick your ass'? Yeah whatever"



Yup



"What do you mean Head Cheese won't get over? Are you nuts?!"



Even sacrificing Test wouldn't do the trick



Now, sacrificing a midget in a cheese costume...



The Dudleyville traffic flow control system was fatally flawed



The 'flamboyant' Jeff Hardy ladies and gentlemen



Wait til Bubba saw what he was going to be waking up next to...



Matt simulates what 'being in the doghouse' actually consists of



It was taking more and more extreme measures to break through the glass ceiling



Moolah couldn't see why Val wasn't staring at *her*. Just cause the Kat was wearing a near see-through outfit..



Mae was curious where Terri got her roots done..



As for Mae insisting she check whether 'top and tails' match...



"You're a homo!"

"Well...you're close"



The antenna protruding from Saturn's head did seem to confirm he was an alien



"Please, for the love of God...someone shoot this thing in the ass!"



Well...at least we know it got better for him



Possibly the only PPV on record where Jim Ross *doesn't* mix Jericho and Benoit's names up



God gave the match his thumbs up



Benoit laughed maniacally. Surely, the WWF title would soon be his...



Ass ahoy



Pete's life flashed before his eyes



The literal interpretation of Rock-A-Bye



HHH: "Hey could you two hurry up? I'm trying to go over here"



Vince points out exactly where HHH will end up if he doesn't draw



"Now now Steph, I know you don't want to but it's for the greater good. In other words, I'll make a ton of money."



"What in the blue hell is up with your hair?"



Hebner could sense an unconscious woman a mile away...

[Mr. Monday Morning]

Wrestlemania X-7



The 'compact Jericho into as small a shape as possible contest' was going well



Bradshaw just couldn't stop himself...he had to haze them all



Eventually though, it would backfire



"Hey! HEY! Are you asleep again? Jesus, and people call me lazy. If they only knew what went on back here..."



The chestburster was poised to make its' big debut



Eddie: "Ugh, jeez, are you *trying* to make me look bad?"

Test: "Ummmmmmmm...no?"



"Yeeeeeah that's what you get for trying to make *me* look bad mang. Now I'm off to pawn this piece of crap"



Benoit: "Sorry Kurt, it's haemerroids"

Angle: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"



After checking the ref as well, Benoit decided to make Angle smell his fingers out of spite



Turn around is fair play...



What *exactly* Chyna's doing with her hand I don't wanna know



Newly stuffed and mounted, Ivory would go great on Chyna's chaise lounge



"You! Stop leaving tapes of you and HHH in the VCR!"



"And you! Stop leaving tapes of you and HHH in the VCR!"



"Oh, and by the way, Mom says to stop wearing her underwear!"



"You could've at least washed them before putting them back you asshole!"



"HaHA, he'll never spot me behind this handy bin!"



The WWE Cloning Experiments never really took off



Rhyno struck again. It was up to Edge to clean up



Tragedy occurred when Matt and Bubba were chosen to test-drive the new WWE Bunk Beds



Slaughter was confused. Iron Sheik wasn't a woman. But he *looked* pregnant enough...



HHH: "And this is the part where you job"

Taker: "Uh, you didn't read *my* contract did you?"

HHH: "What? Oh you're kidding me..."



"Look, fine, I'll job, just put the hammer down..."



"Wow, I forgot what it was like up here"



Rock didn't need to apply the hold correctly. Austin would give up soon enough, having to listen to Earl Hebner's life story



Austin saw the HHH bandwagon rolling towards him and attempted to shove Rock into it's path



No matter what he tried, Austin couldn't flatten Rock out. Maybe the chair would help...



"So, how about that guaranteed 20 year contract huh?"

"Ohhh no, I'm not falling for that one again"



"Alright, well I'm off home to beat the wife"

"I'll drink to that. Goddamn bitch kicking me in the balls"