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03-26-2004, 01:04 PM
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#1 |
Posts: 1,008
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Smackdown! Captions (3-25-03)
                      
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03-26-2004, 01:22 PM
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#2 |
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Posts: 1,008
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In the unholiest of unions, Lex Luthor and Busta Rhymes decided to form a tag team since it's in shitsville now anyway. Nick Patrick: You hear that Eddie? You're gonna have to put Bradshaw over. |
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03-26-2004, 02:17 PM
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#3 |
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Posts: 1,008
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03-26-2004, 02:35 PM
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#4 |
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WOOOOOOOOO!
Posts: 12,237
 
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yes...RVD was up to his old habits yet again. |
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03-26-2004, 02:47 PM
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#5 |
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RAPTURE READY.
Posts: 31,936
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Kurt Angle: Yup, I just farted Booker T: I digged that The referee and RVD decide to interogate Charlie Haas for the whereabouts' of RVD's missing pipe RVD's reaction after realizing that the pipe was actually in his pants Dupree realized that he had to pick up Fifi's pile of shit located on Michael Cole's face Dupree starts dancing after hearing In Da club blaring through the PA too lazy to do the rest... 
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03-26-2004, 03:22 PM
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#6 | |
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The Dark Messenger
Posts: 251
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Quote:
Hmmm. I am not happy with these this week. Perhaps my heart is more into the Raw Captions cause I watch it more. 
Last edited by faust34; 03-26-2004 at 08:29 PM. |
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03-26-2004, 03:40 PM
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#7 |
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Fthagn?
Posts: 10,042
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Kurt: Hey Booker, what the five fingers say to the face? Booker: Oh no you don't Kurt, you done already did that one to me today.. Kurt: *SLAP* I'm an Olympic Gold Medalist, bitch! Booker: ...Okay man, that's the second time...one more time and I'll break your neck again. Last edited by Fryza; 03-26-2004 at 04:00 PM. Reason: wrong break.. |
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03-26-2004, 03:54 PM
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#8 |
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Mas Vagina Porfavor
Posts: 11,343
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Booker T didn't think much of Kurt Angle's Jay Leno impression. Rob: "C'mon Lt. Dan I'm taking you back to camp." Charlie: "No just leave me here, and stop calling me Lt. Dan!" Vince thought he'd wipe out the Smackdown talent with the giant metal fist. Ric Flair was pretty pissed when Rene Dupree stole his robe, and had his dog take a dump in his shoes. Rene: "You put your left foot in, you put your right foot out." Kidman: "What the **** are you doing?" Rene Dupree's nudist gimmick got a lot of fans to turn their heads, except for that guy in blue. John Cena demonstrates how Bradshaw got his main event push. As reward for his win, Rene received a "Get Off Velocity Free" card. Teddy: "Holla at'cha playas, you want success then you need to get them big ass titty implants." Rikishi: "Waaaaaaay ahead of ya." Booker T: "What did you say?!" Eddie: "I just called you by your name." Booker T: "That is OUR word, you don't use it. Now say it right!" Eddie: "Ok, can you pass me the oar N-word Jim?" Everyone was confused when Bubba Ray was lifted off the ground by his thumbs. Kurt's lousy impression of John Cena was Booker T's last straw. Chavo was wondering why the rope didn't hoist Spike up for the powerbomb yet. Bradshaw: "Hi I'm Bradshaw, you might remember me as a fat, jobbing cowboy." Holly: "Everybody knows that Captain Jean-Luc Picard is superior to Captain Kirk." Booker T: "Tell me you did not just say that." Ref: "If Train A leaves San Francisco for Atlanta at 3:00 going 550 mph, and Train B leaves Seattle at 1:30 for Atlanta going 500 mph, which one will arrive first?" Booker T: "Ooh ooh pick me, pick me!" Eddie: "No shut up, this one's mine!" Booker T: "Alright now I'm going to give you some cashews, what do you think?" Eddie: "Ooh it's an orgy in my mouth." Fans were confused when Eddie started doing the Macerena during the match. Wouldn't you be upset if you found out you're wrestling Bradshaw for the next month? Bradshaw: "Hahahahaha once I eliminate the rest of the Latino population, President Bush will be in office for a second term for sure." The writers sunk to a new low when Eddie was forced to job the WWE title to the white cowboy hat. |
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03-26-2004, 03:56 PM
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#9 |
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Mas Vagina Porfavor
Posts: 11,343
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LOL Fryza.
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03-26-2004, 03:58 PM
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#10 | |
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The Dark Messenger
Posts: 251
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03-26-2004, 04:08 PM
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#11 |
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Ball So Hard University
Posts: 8,450
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Due to the heavy change in the racial market, the WWE decided Theodore Long would make a better heel by turning white. Ref: How many fingers am I holding up? Haas: Eight. Ref: Wrong, they're all sideways, not up. (What a dumbass, I belong on RAW.) Rob Van Dam was was shocked at first, because he had forgot to tape SmackDown. Then after the drugs wore off, he realized he still had two days to do it. Running out of talent due to the loss of so much lately, the WWE decided to employ "Simon the Fag" from As Good as it Gets. Ahnold: Jah, geet downnnnnn! Meoove yuh bodeh to thah mhusick. Jah. Jah. Jah. Kidman: What the hell are you doing? Ahnold: Oh sahrry, I thought thes woss a city hall meeting. Ref: Rene, you just won your SmackDown debut! How do you feel? Rene: I'm going to, how you say, Burger King! Yo, yo, yo. Don't knock on this man, he isn't that bad. We wouldn't want to make his little poodle mad. And don't hate him because he's French, because all he does is warm the - (holds up the mic) Crowd: Fuck! Cena: You're supposed to say bench. Crowd: ... Cena: ...I just don't give a - Crowd: Bench! (huge pop) Cena: Whatever. Rene: What is zis? I steel haf to give Treeple H belly rubs? But I haf been drafted to ze SmackDown! And I haf to let Hunter do sex... (Reads more) ...Fifi! No! Fifi: (Dog whining noises) Rene: ARGH! Zis is why I left France in ze first place! Teddy: So you see Rikishi, you shouldn't hang out with that white boy degenerate Rob Van Dam. He'll get you to smoke dope. Rikishi: (Just stares at him, stoned) Scotty: You're too late Teddy, how do you think he got the munchies enough to let himself go that much? Booker: Why don't you go have a burrito? Eddie: Why don't you go have some chicken? Booker: Why don't you go back to where you came from? Eddie: Why don't you? Booker: Wait, ain't you from Texas too? Eddie: Erm... Shhhhh. What a smart Basham. Coaxing D'Von into stinging him, so that a few minutes later D'Von would die. And then God said, "Let there be light," and prompted Bubba to move his fat ass out of the way. Booker: I just can't take it anymore Kurt, I've had enough! I'm outta here! Angle: You crybaby! I can't believe you! Watch this! I'll do a Spinarooni with a broken friggin' neck! Chavo: Alright, I'm the new Cruiserweight Triple H, assume the position. Spike: But- Chavo: Yes, that's right, butt. Chavo saw Triple H's giant fist coming from backstage, and quickly shielded himself with Spike. or Chavo further cemented his heel turn when he gave Garth from Wayne's World the Razor's Edge. Bradshaw: Alright, Undertaker... This town ain't big enough for the two of us... Hardcore Holly: You call the WCW belt paying your dues? Everyone's had that around here. Booker: You haven't. Hardcore: You stupid son of a bitch. Who the **** do you think you're talking to you little ****? I'm hardcore ****ing Holly, Sparky ****ing Plugg. While you were busy "winning titles" I was out training the **** out of myself and beating the **** out of 18-year-olds. Booker: My bad. Eddie: Booker, why are you picking my nose? Stop that! Booker: I came out here for one reason only, and I'm not walking out of here without some gold. Booker T: Eddie, you're gonna have to hold still. Eddie: (Screaming) Ref: Hm, just as I suspected. (gets a machine and sucks out a little worm robot with a Triple H face) Eddie: HOLY SHIT THAT THING WAS REAL? Eddie: Booker, wait! Booker: Shut up sucka, it's naptime. Eddie: But our Naptime Enforcer just left to go for the NFL. Booker: Guess I have to kill you then... Eddie: Man, I just had the worst dream... I had a dream that I got this major push, beat Brock Lesnar and Kurt Angle back to back... Then got put in a feud with Bradshaw. Freddy: HEH HEH HEH, you afraid of BRADSHAW little Eddie!? Eddie: Getting... So... Sleepy... Must not fall asleep! Freddy: HA-HA, it's TOO LATE! Triple H put daterape drugs in your kool-aid! Ref: What the hell... Eddie!? Eddie! MEDIC! HE'S GOT NO PULSE! Sean: Ah shit, dropped my hat. |
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03-26-2004, 04:17 PM
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#12 |
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Ball So Hard University
Posts: 8,450
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These pictures were weak.
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03-26-2004, 04:32 PM
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#13 |
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Booker T was willing to do a lot of things for a push, but making out with Lex Luther wasn't one of them. Hebner: "Feeeeee!!! FEEEEEEE!!!" Haas: "Argh, will you really just cut that out???" Rob: "And no one is better than R........... whoa! I can actually bend my arms! WHOA! This show DOESN'T have an invisible crucifix!!!!" What had Renee been doing with a dog and a stick? Trust me, you DON'T want to know. Though still a young 20 years old, Renee showed the poise and wisdom of a veteran when he deftly sidestepped an oncoming Steven Richards, who ended up goring the ref instead. After winning, Renee celebrated and began his Stone Cold-esque gimmick by calling for a couple of Evolution Kool-Aids. Renee: (reading letter) "This is just to tell you you're going back to Raw next week to be reburied. This SD! gig was just a one-time joke. Happy early April Fools! Love, Stone Cold. WTF???" Long: "Listen, Kish. Normally, I'd be pointing at you in this picture and telling Scotty to shoot you in the ass, but given its size, the bullet would probably bounce off and main some else. Here me, playa?" Eddie: "Remember that 'I Still Remember' gimmick you were supposed to do? I still remember it." Booker: *getting teary eyed* "D...d...don't mention that. I was gonna get buried man.... b..b...bad memories of what almost could have been." *breaks down* Eddie: "There there, I didn't mean to make you cry... there there." Ref: "Riiiiiiicolaaaaaaa!!!" Sean O'Haire's new wonder lasso certainly made life in the cage a lot more interesting now. And he'd always wanted his own Bubba Ray. Angle: "Five times! Five times! Five times! Five times! Five times!" Booker: "Yup, that's how many times I've been WCW Champion!" Angle: "No, that's how many times you're gonna get buried before we ship you back to Raw." Booker: Chavo's gravity manipulation powers proved to be a nuisance when he accidentally brought the Giant Sky Wrench down onto the back of his head. It turns out that Triple H was still on SmackDOWN after all, and when he made his presence, Chavo quickly and smartly used Spike as a visor to shield him from Hunter's blinding ego. Bradshaw: "And can you believe it? Nathan Jones took my 'advice' about that Enron stock, and long story short, that's the real reason why he got depressed and went back to Australia." Booker had to be careful when negotiating the perilous depths of the buried midcard wilderness, lest he be surrounded by hostile natives. Oh damn. With Eddie's assistance, Booker was able to play his invisible trombone like a pro. Booker: "You see it? Right there by his tonge!" Ref: "Yeah! I see now. Eddie, you still got some of Hunter's cum on your teeth." Eddie: "What? Dammit!" Booker: "I KNEW that's how you got your main event push!" If Booker had to smile for the camera, he was making Eddie smile as well, no matter what it took! Eddie was shocked and appalled when O'Haire used his wonder lasso to rope up Booker T to his cage as well. Wow, Irwin R. Scheister looks better than ever! After this incident, Eddie would never call the white cowboy hat a homo again. |
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03-26-2004, 04:38 PM
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#14 | |
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Posts: 18,357
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Quote:
I dunno why, but I thought the Bradshaw calling Undertaker out was just hysterical. 
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03-26-2004, 06:07 PM
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#15 |
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One Man Horror Show
Posts: 1,046
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When he realized that --- 500 years in the future --- Bradshaw would be the main event heel on Smackdown, Jack knew that Haku was up to something. |
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03-26-2004, 07:37 PM
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#16 |
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Diabetes Coming To Getcha
Posts: 6,826
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Ref: Scissors beats paper, and they also cut hair *Runs fingers threw Hass's hair* Doo da doo da doo! Snip Snip! Little off the top? Little off the bottom? Ohhh it don't matter! Or.... Ref: *Flashing fingers in front of Hass's eyes* ACK! A SPIDER! Oh nooo! Do you see a spider? Hass: Will you stop? There once was a young lady from France Who rode the trapeeze without any pants When she'd swing high, way up in the sky All the men would jump and dance! "After this wrestling lesson, I'll teach you how to hug! -Kurt Angle." Teddy: Now, Keesh, I'm the hot patata! Pa-Ta-Ta! With a P and a TA-TA, you feelin me? Pa-Ta-Ta, kind of like Hot Crack-Ah, ya dig? Kurt Angle: And what cuts paper? Booker T: Sciss...ro... Ref: (In Eddy's face) Minkey-BOODLE! Referee Nick Patrick has been captured by the Wachati Tribe (ALA: Ace Ventura) and has to complete three tests in order to live. Here, he tries many different ways to get into Guerrero's inside, and gives up and just goes for the Tickle of Death. Bradshaw: And there he was just above my chambored door, he squealed at me like nothing more, he took my boozm's to the bedroom floor, and whacked about on my door. Who was this on my bedroom floor, smacking me like a chambored door? I reached the door, hoping for a glore, it was just Stephanie, poking on my chambored door like a 2 cent baby whore! Quote the Bradshaw, nevermore! |
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03-26-2004, 08:16 PM
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#17 |
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Posts: 18,357
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Okay, MAD props to "The Raven" allusion. That's going in the archives.
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03-26-2004, 09:31 PM
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#18 |
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The Caption Crippler
Posts: 8,855
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Here we see Darth Bubba falling to the Dark Side and unleashing his double-edged lightsaber |
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03-26-2004, 09:33 PM
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#19 |
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The Caption Crippler
Posts: 8,855
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By the way, the Raven allusion ROCKED!
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03-26-2004, 10:32 PM
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#20 |
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One Man Horror Show
Posts: 1,046
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Kurt: "That's right, Booker... I'm your guardian angel! Jeez, I can't believe you hadn't figured it out by now. Jericho's been trying to tell you for God knows how long." Booker: "...." Times were tough in the WWE when the Ref's started stealing gold fillings. Fearing that Stephanie was returning as GM, RVD prepares to plug his ears. Renee was excited when Smackdown decided to hold its first Noh Theater, but was a little disappointed that he didn't get the part of Oshi. Renee: "Ho ho! Look at moi! Ah am Treeple Aysh! See my hold down aura and my peenk panties!" Ref: "*sigh* No one's fooled, Renee." Renee: "Merde." Renee's victory was shortlived when he felt himself being pulled down by the perilous Smackdown quicksand. Seconds later, the WWE jobbed John Cena to the entire University of Nevada. Renee: "Err... Rob? You left this in the ring." Long couldn't believe it. Here he was, talking with a man who stuck his ass in people's faces and a guy who used to be "Too Hot"... and suddenly HE'S the homo? Eddie didn't mind hearing Booker complain about this horrible new tie he had to wear ... but couldn't it wait until after he was finised taking a leak? Ref: "Hey. HEY! Get a room you two!" As "Power Twin" D-Von Dudley hears a far off cry for help, "Power Twin" Bubba Ray prepares to take flight. Booker regretted telling Angle about his stomach ulcer after Kurt vowed he'd use a kung-fu chop to remove it. "Whee! Higher!" Bradshaw: "... it's a book filled with drama, comedy, and lots of paint-by-number pictures. In conclusion, I highly, highly recommend 'A is for Apple, Z is for Zoo.'" Booker knew he had to careful in this land of Eminem clones. Booker: "And then the scary alligator EATS the entire state of Michigan." Eddie: "Aargghh! That's my favorite state! I'll KILL YOU!" Oh my God! Shaniqua was back, and she was doing the job herself! Booker just couldn't bear to hear another story about the size of Eddie's package. In an incredibly bizarre cross promotion, an older Zack Morris takes revenge on "A.C. Slater". Fans marked huge when Bradshaw was sucked down by the perilous Smackdown quicksand. |
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03-27-2004, 12:31 AM
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#21 |
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Now. Here. Man.
Posts: 8,370
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Good stuff, Santo. Not a whole lot of people could pull off any good ones this week, but you had some gold in there.
Now, it's MY turn *rolls up sleeves* |
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03-27-2004, 12:57 AM
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#22 |
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The Caption Crippler
Posts: 8,855
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Eddie fainted when he learned he was the prime suspect in the case of "Who Shot JR's hat" |
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03-27-2004, 01:05 AM
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#23 |
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Pelvic Sorcerer
Posts: 64,762
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The Smackdown crowd was in for a special treat, the Dave Matthews Band was ready to play. Bradshaw: I've done struck oil and gettin' out of the rassilin game. Chavo arrives to the ring in style with his new Spike Dudley air foil. |
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03-27-2004, 01:21 AM
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#24 |
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Now. Here. Man.
Posts: 8,370
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Angle was more than happy to greet Booker T and the rest of the refugees who had made their way through Chris Benoit's fabled path to the "promised land." Haas really wished the referee would wait until the match was over to show him his hypnotism tricks. "Who doesn't have to put over undeserving shits like Hunter and Orton anymore?" Dupree was more than a little pissed when Vince called him in the middle of a shower just to make him walk Vince's dog. Y'know, just about any time I try to talk to any of my non-fan friends about wrestling, the response is always the same. "Wrestling? Dude, that's soooo gay. Who wants to watch a bunch of fags in tights?" I've always wondered why people are so closed-minded toward this unique blend of grueling athleticism and performance art. Then I look at Renee in this picture, and all my questions are answered. Sure, Renee got the hand symbol down, but no one was ever going to buy him as the "Lost Hardy Boy." After stealing Batman's utility belt, Cena locked down his head to make damn sure the Dark Knight wouldn't gank it in retaliation. "What's this? I think it's a clue! This could help us find out who the Ghost in the Haunted Mansion really is! Let's split up, gang!" Long was touched that Too Cool wanted him to be part of their team, but he wasn't too sure about joining up with a group that used to have a white guy who called himself the "Grand Master" as a member. Booker's verbal attack on Eddie Guerrero was brought to a horrifying end when he was ravenously assaulted by Mister Socko (who'd apparently been drafted without Mick to control him) Triple H was always so uptight about Tough Enough and the internet "exposing the business," so I've got to wonder why they let the referees shout out the upcoming spots on live TV. The Dudley Boyz are caught off guard when they're met by Smackdown's "welcoming commitee," the giant mechanical claw and the Frost Titan of the North. Tired of hearing Booker's whining, Angle uses an amazing trick he'd learned from Cena. Booker was stunned and frightened when out of nowhere, he couldn't see Kurt anymore. Chavo easily reverses the move and pauses for a moment to wonder just why the hell Spike was even trying a Razor's Edge in the first place. I always thought the whole idea was stupid, but after long months of hard work and serious dieting, I must admit that Mr. Ross looks great. Everyone in the room was focused, hell-bent on their goals. Booker wanted to establish his dominance and make a name for himself. Holly wanted to regain his credibility by taking out a major worker. Funaki wanted his lower torso back. Not even the aggressive attacks from the WWE Champion would break Booker T away from his Tai Chi. The referee shows signs of bias as he helps Booker secure the hold on Eddie. Booker establishes himself as the dominant star of Smackdown when he rips Eddie's head clean off on live TV. The WWE writer reaches out in vain as security guards drag him away. Bradshaw is left wondering why the writer had been chasing after him, screaming "I was only kidding! I was only kidding!!!!!" Eddie was left lying after the surprise debut attack of Tex the World's Shortest Cowboy. Man, those pictures sucked. |
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03-27-2004, 02:17 AM
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#25 |
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Ball So Hard University
Posts: 8,450
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Yeah they did suck. I'm surpsied I even managed to get a few decent ones in. I haven't read all the captions yet, but lol @ BDC's Dave Matthews one.
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03-27-2004, 11:18 AM
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#26 | |
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FIT Challenge Slag People
Posts: 13,816
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03-27-2004, 11:46 AM
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#27 |
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Now. Here. Man.
Posts: 8,370
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Man, did I get any laughs at all with mine? I hate to think they were all for naught.
(specially since those will be the last captions I do until, like, May. Long story, but it ends with me not having a computer) |
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03-27-2004, 12:16 PM
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#28 | |
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Fthagn?
Posts: 10,042
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03-27-2004, 12:21 PM
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#29 | |
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President of Freedonia
Posts: 58,316
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03-27-2004, 12:50 PM
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#30 | |
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Pelvic Sorcerer
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03-27-2004, 01:06 PM
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#31 | |
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One Man Horror Show
Posts: 1,046
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Quote:
I second that.
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03-27-2004, 01:20 PM
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#32 | |
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FIT Challenge Slag People
Posts: 13,816
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Quote:
BRILLIANT! |
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03-27-2004, 02:55 PM
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#33 |
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Posts: 18,357
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No one likes mine.
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03-27-2004, 03:26 PM
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#34 |
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One Man Horror Show
Posts: 1,046
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Cork, you shouldn't have to go fishing for compliments. You know everyone reads your stuff.
 Besides, I enjoyed the Ricola and the "I still remember" ones. |
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03-27-2004, 05:48 PM
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#35 |
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Hockey Superstar
Posts: 11,381
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Booker T presents is new "Scuba Diving" gimmick. Angle isn't impressed. It was the end for Charlie Haas, as RVD was trying to rip off his arm, while the ref was going for the head Desperate for help, RVD pointed at his ears, hoping that someone would remove his excess ear wax. Sex sells, heh? Rene Dupree wasn't going to be left behind with his new "Poodle Bestiality" gimmick. The ref was hypnotized. "Damn, that's a fine piece of ass." Okay, his bestiality didn't work, so Dupree was working part time as an anatomy model. "Here is the elbow" pointed the teacher. Cena couldn't believe it. Even if he was one of the most over guy in the company, the cameraman prefered to film the back of the security guard. "I work as an anatomy model for 5 straight hours and that's the check I get? Life's a bitch." "Nah, I swear. I used to manage the guy who became Bastion Booger!" "No way!" "And I can do just the same for you!" This is when Rikishi started to look perplexed. "Esse, that scuba diving suit doesn't fit you." Booker's feelings were hurt, that's for sure. Sex sells, heh? Basham wasn't gonna be left behind with his new "Serial Anal Rapist" gimmick. When Bubba promised to take off his shorts, D-Von couldn't help but just look away. "I'm sorry, that Scubba Diving suit is just UGLY. Eddie was right." Booker got hist heart broken again. Sex sells, heh? Spike wasn't gonna be left behind with his new "Man Whore" gimmick. Even Chavo was impressed. The 69 position was old news. Here, Chavo and Spike try the "96" position, to no success. Tenessee Lee's return to WWE was met with indifference from the crowd. Double J wasn't even here anymore. Booker couldn't take it anymore, but Bob Holly was a bully. "I took off my damn suit! Stop picking on me!" Booker did anything he could to get out of the hold. He even stuck his thumb up Eddie's nose. Eddie didn't want to go to the dentist. He had to be restrained by Booker T so that the doctor could do his job. The dentist was harsh. "We have to operate right now" he said. Since the anesthesis was absent, Booker had to do it the hard way. A run-in by the Bashams wasn't a good thing considering their new gimmick. Eddie was scared. Well, Eddie may have been scared, but Bradshaw knew he would make big bucks with the video of THAT. Eddie was left for dead. This was the ref's only chance to cop a feel while no one was looking. Daaaaaaamn, I suck. |
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03-27-2004, 06:21 PM
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#36 | |
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One Man Horror Show
Posts: 1,046
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Quote:
(Just kidding of course.  I figure your more the Kurt Angle of captions than anything: somewhat intermittent disappearances, but with hardly any ring rust when you do reappear.)
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03-27-2004, 06:29 PM
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#37 |
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Now. Here. Man.
Posts: 8,370
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I was hoping to be more of the Mick Foley of captions. Quit captions for a long time, make a few sporadic appearances to shill my new book and get some cheap pops, and then put over an undeserving shit who leeches off Corkscrewed's heat.
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03-27-2004, 06:33 PM
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#38 |
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One Man Horror Show
Posts: 1,046
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I would've (given your previous incarnation as Dude Love), but apparently Fryza's taken that title.
And I wasn't sure about how you felt about me calling you the "Stevie Richards Dude Love." 
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03-27-2004, 09:13 PM
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#39 |
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President of Freedonia
Posts: 58,316
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The WWE see these still shots and promptly book a "Battle of the Critics" feud between them, to the delight of no one. |
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03-27-2004, 10:02 PM
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#40 | |
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Guest
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Linear Mode
