NFL 2012 Off-Season Thread

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>Giants waive S Janzen Jackson

LOL they have like 20 DBs in camp and they cut the one guy that already fucks up my roster prediction :o

Speculation is that they may have brought back Deon Grant.</font>

[Gonzo]

Deon Grant got beat like he stole something more often than not last year.

[Krimzon7]

OH DID YOU KNOW CHAD JOHNSON JUST GOT DROPPED LIKE A WHORE ON A CORNER AFTER SHE'S SUCKED YOUR DICK?

[SammyG]

lol Rams

[Ermaximus]

Rams got raped by the Colts. Welcome to St. Louis Jeff Fisher, you giant douche.

In other news, pack your bags Lee Evans, you've been cut.

[Droford]

Fuck lee evans

[Ermaximus]

Fuck lee evans

Who needs him when you've got Brian "I can catch everything" Robiskie?

[screech]

Fuck lee evans

Still mad about Sterling Moore knocking the AFC title out of his hands, I see.

[OssMan]

LOL LUCK TO BROWN, TOUCHDOWWWWWNNNNNNNNN

first throw in the NFL
Settle down.

[SammyG]

It was a 3 yard dump off hahaha

[Team Sheep]

So the Rams had committed to play at Wembley for 3 seasons in a row but have now decided they can't be fucked. Great news for American Rams fans and UK (non Rams) NFL fans.

[Krimzon7]

who are these 'Rams' You speak of?

[Emperor Smeat]

No progress between the NFL and Refs Union to the point that the NFL is preparing to have replacement refs assigned for the first 3 weeks in the season. They already have all but the final preseason week locked up for replacement refs.

[Ermaximus]

Fuck that, these scab refs are terrible.

[Evil Vito]

Shaun Rogers out for the season with a blood clot in his leg. Second year in a row a Giant was diagnosed with that (Stacy Andrews last year). Scary stuff, hope he's okay.

Rogers was a longshot anyway I think. I'm more troubled by Marvin Austin being hurt again. He's missed 2 years in a row as is.

[SammyG]

who are these 'Rams' You speak of?


THE SUPERBOWL CHAMPS YOU PIECE OF SHIT.

:shifty:

[Krimzon7]

THE SUPERBOWL CHAMPS YOU PIECE OF SHIT.

:shifty:

:-\

[Droford]

How much of a degenerate gambler I am is pretty easy to figure out..already bet on week 1 up in Delaware
..

Giants -3.5 (solely because the SB champ has never lost the opener since they started making them the opener at home)
Texans -7 vs the dolphins..a gimme at only -7
Chiefs +1 vs Falcons..chiefs as home dogs? All over that
49ers +6 @ Packers..I'll take the 49ers to win, not just cover
Steelers +1 @ Broncos..Steelers will be all over manning
Ravens -6 vs Bengals..Ravens at home..easy

Other games I didn't bet on

Bears -10
Eagles -8.5
Jets -4
Saints -9.5
Pats -6.5
Vikings -4.5 (couldn't believe this, almost took the Jags..)
Lions -9
Panthers -3
Cardinals-1.5
Chargers -1

Also took the ravens are 10:1 to: win the super bowl.. pats are 5:1, packers 6:1, eagles (lol) 8:1 49ers 9:1 and Texans 12:1...longest odds are jags/browns at 180:1 and Colts at 150:1.

Thought about putting something on the saints while they're 17:1..

[DrA]

How do you usually do on week one

[SammyG]

Pack-Texans superbowl

[Droford]

How do you usually do on week one

2 years ago I won a 4 team parlay week 1.

Last year nit so well

[SammyG]

How can you get ALL games wrong. Jesus

[SammyG]

http://www.nfl.com/scores/2011/REG1

Come on, how do you not get ONE of these.

[Droford]

How can you get ALL games wrong. Jesus

Well to lose on a multiple team parlay you only need to get 1 of the games wrong, which happened a lot over 17 weeks..

[SammyG]

Oh, sorry, I don't know how that works. My bad.

[Krimzon7]

Okay so I'm a Bengals Fan, and I know that the last five years, the 'Natti is 3-2 in Baltimore and that the Bengals play the Ravens quite tough on the road.

But then again I'm a Bengals fan, WHAT THE FUCK DO I KNOW?

[Gonzo]

Shaun Rogers out for the season with a blood clot in his leg. Second year in a row a Giant was diagnosed with that (Stacy Andrews last year). Scary stuff, hope he's okay.

Rogers was a longshot anyway I think. I'm more troubled by Marvin Austin being hurt again. He's missed 2 years in a row as is.

I would just feel lucky in his shoes that they caught it. That kind of thing will make you drop dead.

[Droford]

Okay so I'm a Bengals Fan, and I know that the last five years, the 'Natti is 3-2 in Baltimore and that the Bengals play the Ravens quite tough on the road.

But then again I'm a Bengals fan, WHAT THE FUCK DO I KNOW?

Ravens have won 19 of their last 20 home games back to 11/29/09 including 2 wins over the bengals. Only loss was 13-10 to the Steelers in 2010.

Under harbaugh they're 28-5 at home since 2008.

[Droford]

Δ#typicaldrofordfootballpost

[Krimzon7]

http://www.bengals.com/team/all-time-results/ravens.html

Last eight years? four wins and four losses four the bengals in baltimore.


Bengals are 1-3 since 08.

Defense aging, Suggs Missing, Just observations. Good luck with the picks though (except that one :wave:)

[screech]

Okay so I'm a Bengals Fan, and I know that the last five years, the 'Natti is 3-2 in Baltimore and that the Bengals play the Ravens quite tough on the road.

But then again I'm a Bengals fan, WHAT THE FUCK DO I KNOW?

Hey, this guy is a fan of my favorite team's rival.

Your team sucks! You know nothing! Gooooo my team!

[Krimzon7]

Hey, this guy is a fan of my favorite team's rival.

Your team sucks! You know nothing! Gooooo my team!

NOOOOOOOOOOO WAY! Go My TEAM! My team sucks but we're still gonna beat your team :p

[Innovator]

1. There's no white trash like Baltimore white trash. I've lived in Maryland for eight years and I can tell you that northern Maryland white trash occupies its own distinct niche of the white-trash market. It's as if the suburban Baltimore area were populated exclusively by fifth-grade gym teachers. These are the kind of people who wear camouflage Zubaz without a hint of irony. Every baby born in Baltimore County is born with a goatee, even the girls. If you could form a Jim Rome listener in a lab (and why wouldn't you? THEY'RE CLONES), the resulting 250-pound dumbfuck would look an awful lot like a white-trash Ravens fan.
These people have NO sense of humor, nor any sense of self-deprecation. That's how you end up with a fanbase that engages in a comical level of collective paranoia. Ravens fans like to pretend that they're the U. Miami of the NFL. THEY'RE OUTLAWS! EVERYBODY'S OUT TO GET THEM! The refs have it in for the Ravens. The NFL has it in for the Ravens. Dan Rooney and his owner friends have it in for the Ravens. This pre-supposes that people actually give a shit about the Ravens. They don't. The Ravens are a nothing franchise. They're the Team That Shouldn't Be. Baltimoreans have willed themselves to like this team even though they know, deep in their heart, it isn't theirs. In a perfect NFL world, the Colts are still in Baltimore, the Browns are still the Browns, and Indianapolis remains a raging tire fire in the center of flyover country. These replacement Colts will never be as lovable to the rest of the NFL as the Baltimore Colts were. They're the unwanted replacements. They're the Sammy Hagar of NFL teams. Whoa hey, did someone say Sammy Hagar? BOBBY FROM TOWSON SAYS TURN THAT SHIT UP.

2. Pussymouth isn't here to save you now. Terrell Suggs ruptured his Achilles in May, which all but ensures that the Ravens defense will be without one of its finest players for the entire season. Worst of all, that means I'm gonna have to look at sideline shots of Suggs and his terrifying gums all season long. To any network producer who plans on cutting to Suggs mid-smile, I'd like to issue a preventive PLEASE DO NOT DO THAT order. Suggs's pussymouth has been known to blind schoolchildren. I would humbly request that the Ravens not let Suggs on road trips and instead encourage him to return to his home on the set of Prometheus.

3. There's no guaranteeing that John Harbaugh will know that he has a timeout left. Seriously, man. Use a fucking timeout. Get your affairs in order.

4. Ray Lewis is a phony. At some point, Ray Lewis's career will sputter to an end. More than any DPOY or MVP award, Lewis will best be remembered for his shocking ability to get the NFL establishment to turn a blind eye to the fact that he watched two friends stab people and then fled the scene in a goddamn limo. Ray Lewis is the ultimate phony, someone who will always find time to lecture teammates if there's an NFL Films camera hanging around. One day, he'll retire along with Ed Reed and this defense will finally cease to be the annual paper juggernaut it always has been. I'm quite excited for that day.

[Kris P Lettus]

I agree with all but the Ray Lewis stuff.. That guy single handedly changed the Mike LB position and plays with determination and passion on every play.. Also, even with like 17 years in the league, he still ranked number 4 overall in the NFL's Top 100 Players of 2011, not only being the highest ranked LB, but being the highest ranked defensive player overall..

[Supreme Olajuwon]

He didn't say anything about his playing ability. He said Lewis is a piece of shit for witnessing a murder and not doing anything about it and then acting like everything's ok because he prays sometimes.

[Supreme Olajuwon]

In other news concerning people I hate, James Harrison might need to have his knee scoped. I'm not one to celebrate injuries, but it's always nice seeing bad things happen to bad people.

[Kris P Lettus]

He didn't say anything about his playing ability. He said Lewis is a piece of shit for witnessing a murder and not doing anything about it and then acting like everything's ok because he prays sometimes.

It actually said he will most be remembered bc of that, which discredits all his contributions to the NFL..

We remember it cause we were fans at the time.. Ask any fan under the age of 25 and they'll prolly have no idea what you are talking about..

[Supreme Olajuwon]

Covering up a murder is a little more important than being really super good at tackling.

[Kris P Lettus]

In the "real world" but not as far as NFL Legacy is concerned..

[Triple Naitch]

Hey Droford, did you get those Ravens/Eagles tickets? Cuz guess who's going? :wave:

[Innovator]

Some people are fans of the New Orleans Saints. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the New Orleans Saints. This 2012 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read the other Why Your Team Sucks 2012 previews here.

1. "Is you taking notes on a criminal fucking conspiracy?" Even though this is the Internet and even though column space on the Internet can scroll on forever, there STILL isn't enough room here to express how badly the Saints buttfucked their way through this entire offseason. It's one thing to have a super-top-secret bounty program in place for years and years and years (despite the fact that players come and go to other teams regularly and can blab about it at any time). It's another thing to put that program IN WRITING, to have your begunted nutjob of a defensive coordinator codify your bounty program into a series of slides that make the average Tripod site look current. How fucking stupid do you have to be to let this go on? Don't you know that the Ginger Hammer is just waiting to wipe his freckled scrotum all over anyone who dares cause the world to notice that football is a violent sport? IDIOTS.
And the best part about all this is that the Saints doubled down on the stupid and handed the interim head coaching job to a guy who is himself serving a six-game suspension. Then they got into a contract squabble with Drew Brees, who is only the most important player the franchise has ever had and probably will ever have. It's as if, in January, the Saints looked at themselves and were like, "Jesus, we've gotten wayyy too functional and successful. THAT'S NOT WHAT THE NEW ORLEANS SAINTS ARE ALL ABOUT GUMBO ANDOUILLE SAUSAGE!" And then they spent next few weeks cramming in as many bad decisions as they could so that they could reclaim their identity as the most incompetent team in football. Unfuckingbelievable. This will be the most senseless 9-7 season in NFL history. Also, Drew Brees is going bald.

2. DURRR I'M A SAINTS FANS GUMBO GUMBO CRAWDAD GUMBO. I always like to goof on friends I know from NOLA for continually thrusting their Cajunness upon everyone, but they're not alone among New Orleans natives (and transplants for that matter) who spend every goddamn waking hour telling you how much more special their culture is than yours. Well, I have been in the crowd with Saints fans before, and I can tell you that they are SHIT. They're the worst fucking fans in football. They can't handle their booze. All of them are way too fucking loud. Teeth are optional among them. Most of them are virulently racist. And none of them knows a goddamn thing about football. You'll be standing there trying to watch a game like a normal person and some Saints fan 20 rows back will somehow yell loud enough to be heard over every other element around you, screaming, "BOY ITELLYA SEAN PAYTON HOOBOY BEST DEFENSIVE COACH EVER GUMBO KATRINA DIRTY RICE." One day, I'm gonna go to New Orleans and I'm gonna take photos of everything in that city that is wholly unremarkable. Some shitty gas station. A townhouse. Any bar that isn't outfitted like a fucking voodoo museum. A Gap. Then I'm gonna make a Tumblr site called "NEW ORLEANS: YOU FUCKERS AREN'T THAT SPECIAL." And it will make me happy. OTHER CITIES ALSO MAKE GOOD FRIED CHICKEN, YOU PROVINCIAL PUTZES.

3. Mark Ingram: Kinda shitty! Every carry Ingram got last season was more or less out of obligation, as if Sean Payton were saying: "Christ, we can't throw the ball and run Sproles every play, can we? We have to give the draft pick SOME carries." If you're expecting Ingram to suddenly become a beast this season, you are sorely mistaken. The Saints are the kind of team that throws four times after getting 1st-and-inches at the goal line, then finally converts on the fourth attempt. I can't tell you how annoying it is to own a running back in fantasy who is so clearly the token ninth option on a fantastic offense.

4. Holy shit, this defense. No Tracy Porter. No Jonathan Vilma for a year. No Will Smith for four games. Bear in mind that this is the same defense that allowed Alex Smith to throw for two touchdowns in the final 2:18 of last season's divisional playoff loss. And now it's somehow even worse. The season hasn't even started yet and Vernon Davis has already caught 500 yards worth of passes against it. GOOD THING MY MAWMAW MADE THIS HERE BLACKENED GUMBOLAYA HOOWEE SOMEBODY GIT ME A WASHBOARD AND A SPOON SO WE CAN HAVE A BOUCHERIE. Whatever. Eat shit.

[Kris P Lettus]

1. I'd like to see this "written proof" of Bounty Gate because the only "concrete" evidence the NFL has was the Greg Williams audio from before the 9ers playoff game.. The "nut job" d-coor was already out the door going into this offseason.. Also, Brees was signed to a long term deal before the deadline..

2. This dude has never been to the Dome.. I've been going to games since I was a kid and having to endure years upon years of watching horrible losing football make the local fans humble.. Every game I've ever been to, fans have a good time and treat opposing fans and guest, who are there to spend money and have a good time.. The only time I've seen a fight in the Dome was during the '09 Steelers game and it was started by 2 Steelers fans who were removed during the 4th quarter after Will Smith's sack on Big Ben.. Also, saying that fans are uneducated in the football crazed Gulf South is ridiculous.. On top of that, people who live in a city that serve booze 24-7, I'm fairly sure can handle their alcohol..

3. Saints are a pass first offense who carry 4 RB's and a FB.. They only use the run to set up play action.. Maybe if the author of this article knew alittle more about football, he wouldn't start a 3rd string running back on a team with a 5000+ yard armed QB..

4. Greer is better than Porter and we have young DB's who can easily step up.. They already replaced Vilma with Curtis Lofton who played at a big time college and is a 4 year starter who has put up good numbers every year.. He has also never had a serious injury.. As far as Will Smith is concerned, watch for Martez Willson (former OLB) to have a huge year with his hand down.. Also, young DE's like Junior Gallette and Cam Jordon... Smith is a huge DE, but smaller fast DE's have always thrived in Coach Spags D..

Troll city represent, but he completely lost me, complaining about the lack of carriers for a third string RB in the best passing offense in the league.. Prolly should have drafted AP or Marshawn Lynch..

[Kris P Lettus]

Plane with 'Free Payton' banner flies over field during Saints' practice


By Guerry Smith | CBSSports.com

<time class="storydate mBottom10" pubdate="" datetime="2012-08-15T17:59:18Z">August 15, 2012 1:59 pm ET</time>

Midway through the Saints (http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/teams/page/NO/new-orleans-saints)' morning practice on Wednesady, a plane flew over the field toting the banner, “FREE PAYTON.” Around and around it circled, about 10 times before leaving near the end of the workout.

Saints coach Sean Payton, whom NFL commissioner Roger Goodell suspended for the season for his role in the bounty scandal, has not been allowed to communicate with the team since April.

When safety Roman Harper (http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/players/playerpage/412243/roman-harper) noticed the plane, he got the attention of fans in the stands at the practice facility and yelled jokingly that he had paid for it.

After an offseason filled with distractions, the Saints have welcomed the sanctuary of the practice field, but the bounty issue and others have been hovering over them amid a lawsuit filed by current and ex-Saints players disputing the findings of the NFL's investigation.

Owner Tom Benson met with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell on Tuesday to talk about issues relating to the team and the league. On Monday, the Louisiana state police announced they had uncovered no evidence supporting allegations from an ESPN television report in April that Superdome wiring was set up to allow general manager Mickey Loomis to monitor opposing coaches' radio communications from 2002 to 2004.

Quarterback Drew Brees (http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/players/playerpage/235197/drew-brees) criticized Goodell at the start of training camp in an interview with Peter King of Sports Illustrated, then said he did not mean anything personal when he talked after practice a few days later.

Like Harper, Brees noticed the banner.

“I thought it was creative,” he said. “I want to know who did it.”

Asked if he would contribute to a fund paying for the plane and the banner, Brees said "yes."

“If there's a team something that we want to do, I will always chip in,” he said. “Not what people would probably try to push that to mean, but if it's a legal and funny thing like that, yeah, I'd do it.”

Saints interim coach Joe Vitt said he never saw the plane.
Follow Saints correspondent Guerry Smith on Twitter @CBSSportsNFLNO (https://www.twitter.com/CBSSportsNFLNO).

[Supreme Olajuwon]

Why would they fly it over the Saints practice? It's not like anyone there can do anything about it.

[Ermaximus]

You're right. They should've circled Roger Goodell's neighboorhood a few times and maybe he'd get the hint.

[Gonzo]

Giants > Saints

[Kris P Lettus]

We all know what would have happened if the Saints had beaten the 9ers and the Giants had to come to the ThunderDome for the NFC Championship..

[Gonzo]

Eli Manning would have heroically won the game during the waning seconds to catapult the New York Giants to the Superbowl where they would eventually vanquish the evil New England Patriots?

[Kris P Lettus]

<iframe width="853" height="480" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/fFPYhwR4xDM" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[Gonzo]

Ain't nobody that wanted no part of Big Blue late last year. NOBODY.

[Gonzo]

Also, Lance Moore dances like a faggot.

[Kris P Lettus]

Lance Romance AKA Velcro can dance however he wants to..

[RoXer]

We all know what would have happened if our favorite team beat another team instead of losing to that team in real life and then our favorite team would go on to win the next 100 years worth of games in our minds

[Kris P Lettus]

We all know what would have happened if our favorite team beat another team instead of losing to that team in real life and then our favorite team would go on to win the next 100 years worth of games in our minds

Considering the score was 49-24 two months earlier in a similar setting, it's not like I'm waxing some far fetched scenario..

[Gonzo]

The Giants linebacking corps from the late 80's were also superior to the Dome (giving) Patrol.

[CSL]

Eli > Archie

[Team Sheep]

Considering the score was 49-24 two months earlier in a similar setting, it's not like I'm waxing some far fetched scenario..

The Giants lost at home to the REDSKINS in week 15 before going on a 6 game streak to win the Super Bowl. I don't think it's safe to assume anything when it comes to the Giants.

[Gonzo]

Alright Jets fan, take your seat.

[Team Sheep]

Anyway, last year was a fake season due to the lockout. Didn't count.



;)

[Gonzo]

http://www.nypost.com/rw/nypost/2012/02/08/sports/web_photos/08.1s070.tisch.C.TA--300x300.jpg

Damn, hardware looks pretty real to me.

[Innovator]

Crazy seeing a guy I worked out with on Hard Knocks

[Triple Naitch]

Which one? 711?

[Innovator]

Yeah.

[RoXer]

How come no one told me Ricky Williams legitimately retired this time?

[RoXer]

Or at least I'm assuming it's legitimate

[Kris P Lettus]

It was kinda big news after the playoffs..

[Nark Order]

Considering the score was 49-24 two months earlier in a similar setting, it's not like I'm waxing some far fetched scenario..

9ers beat the Giants in the regular season and then lost in the playoffs. Wins in the regular season dont equal wins in the post season

[Emperor Smeat]

Cowboys being sued right now after a woman burned her butt on a bench during a team scrimmage. Apparently the temperature outside was over 100 degrees and the bench a black metal one.

She sat on it long enough to get third degree burns but also says she didn't feel any pain while sitting on it which is why she never got up. She's blaming the Cowboys for having the bench exposed instead of having common sense to not sit on a metal bench in that kind of heat.

http://espn.go.com/dallas/nfl/story/_/id/8276263/dallas-cowboys-hot-water-burned-fan-files-lawsuit-team

[Crimson]

stupid bitch

[Nark Order]

Browns, son.

[Gonzo]

9ers beat the Giants in the regular season and then lost in the playoffs. Wins in the regular season dont equal wins in the post season

Oh yeah, good call. Thank you for being gracious in defeat.

[Supreme Olajuwon]

Now Jermaine Gresham is hurt. This is some bullshit.

[Ermaximus]

Supreme, I feel your pain man. Losing this many guys before the actual season has to be the work of some bullshit voodoo magic or something.

I say that the NFL should reward the Bengals with an automatic Super Bowl game next year as a result.

[Gonzo]

Have faith. I thought the Giants were toast last year after the injuries they had to begin the year. And shit didn't look good for a while.

[Crimson]

Witten hurt, Bryant banged up, offensive line sucks..Cowboys will be battling the Skins for 3rd place

[Ermaximus]

Brian Robiskie is amazing. If he doesn't make the team, I'd be very surprised.

[Ermaximus]

Wow, could the Saints players be anymore thuggish? Henne was just standing there and you pull that shit? No fucking wonder half your team got fined or suspended. Gallette is a piece of shit.

The fact those horrible scab refs didn't call that is absolute bullshit.

[Gonzo]

Totally forgot about the game tonight. Caught the last 8 minutes or so. Vito, I'm going to need a report on the second string defensive line rotation. I know you got me covered. Thank you.

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>Only watched the first half before going out. Jayron Hosley had a nice 77 yard INT return for a TD. Apparently he got hurt though and they're doing tests tomorrow. Hopefully he's okay cause he's gonna be needed to step up as the nickel back.</font>

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>JPP threw Prince Amukamara into the ice tub.

http://www.vumee.com/members/video/2014/779

Coughlin is apparently livid, not only that it happened but that it was shared through social media. Not really sure what caused it. Thought it might have just been a good-natured rib at first, possibly making up for Prince missing out on rookie hazing last year due to his injury. But Prince does look pretty pissed off. The "stand up for yourself" comments from teammates pretty much confirm that Prince didn't take it in stride.</font>

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>Also apparently the Jets charged $50 for parking yesterday. Holy shit.</font>

[Krimzon7]

We'd never throw you into a tub in Cincy, Prince. You may get hurt by Taylor Mays or you may hurt your self in the fucking preseason because the Bengals is a snake bitten/cursed franchise, but we won't throw you in a tub. :wave:

[CSL]

<font color=goldenrod>JPP threw Prince Amukamara into the ice tub.

http://www.vumee.com/members/video/2014/779

Coughlin is apparently livid, not only that it happened but that it was shared through social media. Not really sure what caused it. Thought it might have just been a good-natured rib at first, possibly making up for Prince missing out on rookie hazing last year due to his injury. But Prince does look pretty pissed off. The "stand up for yourself" comments from teammates pretty much confirm that Prince didn't take it in stride.</font>

yah, I'm sure it was nothing more than "good-natured, some people simply don't take that kind of stuff very well

[Krimzon7]

It's a bit of bully bravado going on in the film. You hear JPP say 'I don't give a fuck that nigga ain't doing shit to me'.

I get the feeling that Prince could be the butt of a lot of pranks/jokes.

[Kris P Lettus]

Vick went out with a rib injury in the 1st..

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>Vick is laughably injury prone.</font>

[Ermaximus]

This is why I took Eli as my QB in fantasy football instead Vito. His backup is Andy Dalton. :y:

[Innovator]

http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/shocked1-copy2.gif?w=330&h=223

[ClockShot]

Jags are now England's team since the Rams backed out of their commitment last week.

Enjoy.

[Ermaximus]

Rams are moving to LA soon anyways.

[SammyG]

no

[Kris P Lettus]

Jags are now England's team since the Rams backed out of their commitment last week.

Enjoy.

Bills

[Droford]

Betting on pre season NFL football because now Delaware allows you to bet on football at gas stations and I didn't have to drive an hour to get to the casino.

Ravens -6.5 vs Jaguars
Packers -2.5 @ Bengals
Titans -3.5 vs Cardinals

Titans game is on ESPN and Ravens are on Comcast sports net

[Emperor Smeat]

Baring an agreement being done with the next 3-6 days, replacement refs almost a lock to be used during the 1st week of the regular season. Season starts in 13 days but it takes between 7-10 days for the regular refs to get into season shape once their lockout ends.

NFL still planning on the first 3 weeks to be filled by replacement refs.

http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/8296379/roger-goodell-believes-replacement-officials

[Droford]

I was starting to get worried this was going to be repeat of last years jaguars game..finally got a td

[SammyG]

Ugh Marc's injury was brutal. Was friends w him when he was down here at the University of Montana... Broken tibia :(

[Kris P Lettus]

pretty gross

[Droford]

Ravens dominated the jags..flacco looked good 266 yards and 2 tds in a little over a half..

[Corndad]

The Cardinals are kinda screwed QB wise aren't they? Wow.

[Emperor Smeat]

They might as well just build around Skelton for the future considering this season probably won't be any good for them. The Klob experiment has been a huge bust for them so far while Leinart was a huge bust for them as a draft pick.

Warner literally was their best QB ever and that was during the twilight of his career.

[Ermaximus]

The Cardinals are kinda screwed QB wise aren't they? Wow.

Shouldn't surprise you. Cardinals haven't had a decent QB since Kurt Warner retired.

[Droford]

Figures the shitty cardinals would probably cost me money

[Droford]

Ryan lindley for cards qb..why not lol

[Droford]

If the titans blow a 5 pt lead after being down 4 and getting 2 4th qtr turnovers I'm calling my aunt in the morning in Nashville and yelling at her for no reason other than her titans suck and they cost me money lol

[RoXer]

Controversial opinions about the Cardinals here

[Triple Naitch]

Matt Barkley should be already looking at homes in Arizona.

[CSL]

David Wilson making the Bears defence look like bitches

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>Bringing out the stretcher for Prince Amukamara.</font>

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>The last time the Giants had a paper thin secondary, they won the Super Bowl.</font> :shifty:

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>Eli looks ready to go. Wouldn't be shocked if he and the rest of the starters sit out of the last pre-season game entirely.</font>

[CSL]

http://media.lockerdome.com/uploads/3a8fbadcc6433a0ccbe5bbf2b0429117_large

hot celebration Matt

[Ermaximus]

http://media.lockerdome.com/uploads/3a8fbadcc6433a0ccbe5bbf2b0429117_large

hot celebration Matt

Dear lord, I really want D Mac to use this as his avatar now.

[owenbrown]

Droford... if you are betting on PRESEASON FOOTBALL... you may have a problem.

http://www.dcgp.org/

[SammyG]

ESPN The Magazine has the Rams going 0-16. Jesus.

[Nark Order]

Naw, no way. They still probably won't be good yet but there's no way they go 0-16.

[Supreme Olajuwon]

If it makes you feel better, they had the Bengals going 0-16 last year and they made the playoffs.

Rams have a pretty soft schedule too. No way they don't win at least one of their home games against Washington, Seattle, Arizona, or Minnesota.

[RoXer]

If it makes you feel better, they had the Bengals going 0-16 last year and they made the playoffs.

Rams have a pretty soft schedule too. No way they don't win at least one of their home games against Washington, Seattle, Arizona, or Minnesota.

Cardinals are 9-1 against the Rams the past 5 years. I'm hardly worried.

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>Yeah no way do the Rams go winless. They have the Packers going 16-0 as well. As good as they are, I just don't see them flirting with perfection again. I'd say 14-2 at the most for them. Can't really take the predictions seriously as it's based entirely on statistical analysis so there are no room for upsets.

I do think their 9-7 prediction for the Giants is spot on though. Really brutal schedule. I'll be happy with a wild card berth at that record because I just can't see 9 wins being enough to win the East this year. The Eagles can't possibly suck that badly again.</font>

[Nark Order]

Not only do I think that Green Bay won't go 16-0, I think they're going to have a hell of a time in the season opener against the Niners.

[Crimson]

Who makes those idiotic predictions. They jus do it to spark conversations

[Skippord]

they picked the Chargers to win the West. I was surprised by that

[Krimzon7]

The Broncos or the Raiders will win the West. I think that Houston wins that AFC South, New England is going to run unopposed in the East and *chokes back vomit* Pittsburgh will take the North.

[Skippord]

the Raiders?

[Krimzon7]

yes, the Raiders. The Defense is pretty good. The Running game (Darren McFadden) is great if injuries don't derail it. Carson Palmer doesnt have to be the all pro CP that he was in Cincy's heyday (literally it was one fucking day). All he has to do is hit a couple deep balls, and keep the offense moving while McFadden gets his rest. If injuries mar the raiders, the Denver Mannings will run away with it.

[Corndad]

Steelers First Round Pick David Decastro Possible "serious" ACL and MCL injury. Damn it. :(

[Skippord]

the only team I think that will win the division other than the Broncos is the Chiefs, but now that I have said this the Chargers will

[Krimzon7]

Steelers First Round Pick David Decastro Possible "serious" ACL and MCL injury. Damn it. :(

could cripple the already inexperienced line. :D

[Krimzon7]

the only team I think that will win the division other than the Broncos is the Chiefs, but now that I have said this the Chargers will

LMAO, the Chiefs have a lot of people coming back from injuries. They will be good. They may make it into the playoffs, but I don't think they could get 4 wins in this division.

[RoXer]

Booooo @ new FOX ticker in the corner. Go back to the logos. :n:

[Emperor Smeat]

Ravens cut kicker Billy Cundiff who's last meaningful kick was the shank against New England in the AFC title game last season. Using a rookie for this season who won the job due to "stronger legs" for 50+ yard kicks over Cundiff who was near the top last season for inside 50 yard kicks (most of his misses were over 50 yard kicks).


the only team I think that will win the division other than the Broncos is the Chiefs, but now that I have said this the Chargers will

Chargers probably will win the division considering last year was almost fluke-like with how bad the Chargers played compared to previous years. Denver upgraded with Manning but one bad hit to him could potentially wreck their season especially with the opener against the Steelers who can hit hard.

[ClockShot]

Seahawks cut T.O.

All done?

[SammyG]

God.. Rams play the Packers, Patriots and Niners back to back to back. Brutal.

[Kris P Lettus]

Derrick "2007" Anderson

[SammyG]

Anyone else just see that Tebow pick?

[Team Sheep]

3 preseason games, 3 losses, 0 touchdowns. Not gonna look too much into it as we haven't seen any wild cat yet but I would love to see something. I believe in Rex and Sparano though. They're hiding some big things up their sleeves for sure. At least Austin Howard was good tonight.

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>Russell Wilson becomes the 5th rookie QB to be tabbed as a starter for this season. Matt Flynn will be his backup.

Serious props to Wilson. I thought Flynn was a lock going into the year.</font>

[McLegend]

Lol didn't sign Matt Flynn to a lucrative deal in the offseason?

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>Yep. He hasn't even played that badly in the offseason from what I can tell, but Wilson has just been decisively better.

I don't think Carroll will be slow to make a move if the Seahawks get off to a bad start.</font>

[Crimson]

I remember last year there was a rookie qb that played lights out in the pre season and stunk it up when the season started..ah yea Colt McCoy. Wilson has more talent though

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>Of the rookie QBs starting the year, I think the only mistake so far is Tannehill. He hasn't played particularly well this spring and I just don't have faith in him. Matt Moore was a lot better last year than people realize.

Luck and RG3 starting was a given, and the Browns pretty much had to give Weeden the starting job due to his advanced age.</font>

[FearedSanctity]

Chargers probably will win the division considering last year was almost fluke-like with how bad the Chargers played compared to previous years. Denver upgraded with Manning but one bad hit to him could potentially wreck their season especially with the opener against the Steelers who can hit hard.

Nope. IMO, last season was the beginning of the closing of the Chargers' "championship window." They are NOT what they were. Their asstastic line is causing Rivers to regress and Matthews is pretty meh, when he's even healthy. Their WRs aren't much to get excited about either (Royal :foc:). Defense is pretty average also. It seems like all their draft picks in years past were guaranteed hits, but the last couple classes have been pretty trash. They just don't have it anymore.

Everyone keeps bringing Manning's neck up, but I'm pretty sure he's smart enough to not come back if it was going to be that big of an issue. The line has held up nicely this preseason, but he has gotten popped pretty good a few times so far, including twice yesterday. How'd he respond? A TD after each time. He also responded pretty well to the BS "can't throw to his right" reports by throwing almost every damn thing to his right and going 10/12. Not at all worried about Peyton, he knows what he's doing

[FearedSanctity]

http://i.imgur.com/KDl5s.png


Still relevant

[Supreme Olajuwon]

well of course Tebow is terrible if he's throwing right-handed now

[The Fraze]

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc7/486563_10150991000321254_1931669566_n.jpg

[Nark Order]

Man, the 9ers backups have been so solid in the preseason. Fairly "deep."

[SammyG]

Thoroughly enjoyed watching Peyton cut up the Niners D

[Nark Order]

Preseason. Didn't look like anybody was really going full speed. Seems like everybody has been fairly wary of injuries.

[SammyG]

Yeah I know. Let me try to talk some shit during preseason, cuz I won't have much to talk about during the regular season.

[ClockShot]

With Wilson being named starter in Seattle, Bills aquire Tavaris Jackson from the Seahawks for undisclosed picks. Bills also cut Vince Young loose.

Remember when Leinart and Young were supposed to rule the league because they were awesome in college?

Boy, were we fooled.

[FearedSanctity]

And how Cutler was touted as the lesser of the three?

Oops.

[Crimson]

I remember an analyst saying before the draft Cutler would be the best one, but not sure who it was. It's always a crapshoot though. I think it was Bayless.

[Skippord]

Man, the 9ers backups have been so solid in the preseason. Fairly "deep."
In fairness the Broncos backups appear to be a complete trainwreck

[James Steele]

With Wilson being named starter in Seattle, Bills aquire Tavaris Jackson from the Seahawks for undisclosed picks. Bills also cut Vince Young loose.

Remember when Leinart and Young were supposed to rule the league because they were awesome in college?

Boy, were we fooled.

I think part of the problem with all these high profile QBs going bust is:



They are expected to save the franchise the minute they walk in the door.
Players from major college programs are now spoiled fucking rotten and are coddled and pampered to the point to where they can't handle the pressure and cut-throat world of the NFL.

[Krimzon7]

To defend Vince Young, he was a starter in Tennessee. Jeff Fisher never liked him as the move to draft Vince was solely on Bud Adams. Vince was like 33-19 as a starter, with literally zero help in the running game and nobody at wide receiver (can you even name the last star wide receiver?). Vince can still be a good quarterback, however I don't think anyone will ever see past the 'psychotic break' and the fact that Jeff FIsher has given him a stamp of disapproal. For the record....Fisher wanterd Lienart instead that year.

[Triple Naitch]

Young was surrounded by talent last year and still fucked it up.

[Evil Vito]

I remember when Leinart at #10 overall looked like the steal of the century. So much for that.

Imagine of Leinart didn't stay that extra year? The Niners may have gone with him instead of Alex Smith in 2005.

[Kris P Lettus]

Here's my Fantasy Team for this year:

QB:

Drew Brees
Matt Shaub

RB:

Frank Gore
Darren Sproles
Pierre Thomas
Trent Richardson
Lagarrett Blount

WR

Vincent Jackson
Eric Decker
Jordy Nelson
Malcom Floyd

TE

Jason Witten
Greg Olsen

ST/D

Jets
Ravens

K

Stephen Gostkowski

Prolly gonna get rid of Blount for another WR but I think I ended up pretty good.. Specially considering it was a Snake draft and I had the first pick (Brees) then I had to wait to pick 9 and 10, so on and so forth..

[Kris P Lettus]

Should I go Reggie Wayne or Nate Washington??

[Innovator]

I don't know why but you picking Brees first makes me angry.

Oh yeah, because CMON

[Kris P Lettus]

Why would I have picked anyone eles??

Was evacuating from the hurricane and made it to my moms with like 7 minutes to spare for the draft.. When my bro called and said I got the first and that I would get Rogers in auto I hauled ass..

:o

p.s. just got Reggie Wayne cause I firgure Luck will have a better season than Locker..

[Kris P Lettus]

I wanted Eli as my backup but someone got him 3 picks before I got Shaub..

[Gonzo]

Eli Manning should be the starter because Eli Manning > your favorite team's quarterback.

[Kris P Lettus]

LMFAO

[Gonzo]

Eli Manning aka the Comeback Kid aka Captain Clutch

Come see me Drew Brees. Tell me how my ass taste.

[Kris P Lettus]

December 9th, 2012

[CSL]

it's a little known fact that Eli is actually latin for "two rings" boiiiiiiii

[Gonzo]

Kissssssssss the rings bitch.

[Kris P Lettus]

*Elisha

[Triple Naitch]

Who do you play fantasy football with? Seems like no one in that league knows what they're doing.

[Kris P Lettus]

How so??

[Triple Naitch]

Is each position the order in which you drafted them? Gore first, then Sproles, Thomas, etc.

[Kris P Lettus]

No

I got Brees, then Gore, then Witten..

Got thomas and sproles much later..

[Triple Naitch]

Exactly. Gore as your 2nd pick? He's mad injury prone. Witten has a fucked up spleen. No tight end should be taken in the 3rd round. Surprised that you committed those crimes and still wound up with Trent Richardson, Sproles, Nelson, and Decker.

[Kris P Lettus]

As I said, it was a snake draft..

I got # 1 then had to wait for the # 15 and # 16.. Gore was the only "elite" RB left for my second pick..

[Innovator]

You're riding your team on Brees, and no one knows what to make of the Saints this year until a couple weeks in. Rodgers would've been a safer bet (even though he's a concussion away from being a vegetable).

[Triple Naitch]

It's an 8 team league?

[Innovator]

Also, Eli Manning wins football games.

[CSL]

and rings

[Triple Naitch]

I like how you said you wanted to draft Eli then shit talked him. The fact that you wanted him negates your right to tease him.

[Innovator]

and rings

and MVPs.

[Team Sheep]

Have fun with Wayne Hunter, St Louis. :wave:

[Kris P Lettus]

I like how you said you wanted to draft Eli then shit talked him. The fact that you wanted him negates your right to tease him.

Where did I "shit talk" him??

I'm an Ole Miss fan, used to hang out with him in Oxford, and have always been a fan of his..

Stop trying so hard..

[Kris P Lettus]

Almost 9 years ago..

http://tpww.net/forums/showpost.php?p=12518&postcount=17

[Triple Naitch]

*Elisha

[Kris P Lettus]

That is his name, so for his name to be actually latin for "two rings", it would be Elisha, not Eli..

[CSL]

the full Elisha in latin is actually "3rd ring a'comin"

[Gonzo]

And at least Eli doesn't have a poop stain on his face.

[Evil Vito]

I love Eli so much. Crazy to think he's entering his 9th season. He's gonna wind up retiring as the best QB in franchise history, he might already be there now.

[Gonzo]

I've never wavered in my support of Eli. Even when he had some rough years.

[Ermaximus]

Not only do I think that Green Bay won't go 16-0, I think they're going to have a hell of a time in the season opener against the Niners.

Not only that, but I see Da Bears giving them trouble this year too.

[Ermaximus]

Here's my Fantasy Team for this year:

QB:

Drew Brees
Matt Shaub

RB:

Frank Gore
Darren Sproles
Pierre Thomas
Trent Richardson
Lagarrett Blount

WR

Vincent Jackson
Eric Decker
Jordy Nelson
Malcom Floyd

TE

Jason Witten
Greg Olsen

ST/D

Jets
Ravens

K

Stephen Gostkowski

Prolly gonna get rid of Blount for another WR but I think I ended up pretty good.. Specially considering it was a Snake draft and I had the first pick (Brees) then I had to wait to pick 9 and 10, so on and so forth..

Let's Compare....

QB-Eli Manning
QB-Andy Dalton

RB-LeSean McCoy
RB-Adrian Peterson
RB-Cedric Benson
RB-Donald Brown

WR-Greg Jennings
WR-Roddy White
WR-Antonio Brown
WR-Justin Blackmon

TE-Antonio Gates
TE-Owen Daniels

DST-San Francisco
DST-Pittsburgh

K-Mason Crosby
K-Matt Prater (Jesus is a fan of his.)

[Innovator]

Stacked.

[Gonzo]

Ermax knows whats up.

[Innovator]

http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/17xd34dz0tgv1gif/original.gif

[Evil Vito]

I've never wavered in my support of Eli. Even when he had some rough years.

I was ready to move on from Eli after that horrific game against Minnesota in 2007. I was worried that he was already regressing in his career. So happy he's ended up being an elite quarterback after all that. Anybody who says otherwise is just in denial.

Speaking of which, I'm looking forward to another year of The BS Report's weekly football shows with Cousin Sal ranting about Eli being lucky, not good.

[Innovator]

Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaash Freeman

[DaveBrawl]

Not gonna lie, I'm a little upset Washington cut Cooley.

[Innovator]

Brian Westbrook is going to retire as an Eagle.

[Ermaximus]

http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/17xd34dz0tgv1gif/original.gif

Tebow must've thought God was open.

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>Standard Yahoo league draft today (10 teams, 3 WR, 2 RB, no flex):

QB
Aaron Rodgers, Carson Palmer

RB
Jamaal Charles, Frank Gore, Reggie Bush, Rashad Jennings

WR
A.J. Green, Antonio Brown, Justin Blackmon, Nate Washington, Reggie Wayne, Malcom Floyd

TE
Aaron Hernandez

K
Matt Prater

DEF
Philadelphia

Really like my team. Had the #2 pick. I did kinda fuck up at one point though, the draft had snaked back around to me and I was deciding between Hernandez, Vernon Davis, or Vincent Jackson as my 3rd WR. Ended up going Hernandez because I really think he's gonna have a monster year, possibly even outplaying Gronk. Davis and Jackson then immediately went off the board. Of course if I had taken Jackson I would have still been guaranteed one of the 2 TEs I was debating. I have more than enough options for the #3 WR anyway.

Kinda sad to not get the token Giant player I always seem to wind up with. Was gonna get David Wilson with my second to last pick but he got snagged.</font>

[Innovator]

You might be able to get him if he doesn't play in the first couple games

[Innovator]

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/INBayZpjeSY" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[Innovator]

Why Your Team Sucks 2012: New England Patriots
Drew Magary
Some people are fans of the New England Patriots. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the New England Patriots. This 2012 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read the other Why Your Team Sucks 2012 previews here.

1. OW-AH FANS AHHH BETTAH THAN YOUR-AH FANS! New England sports fans are the worst sports fans on the face of the Earth. They're fucking awful in every way, and I can barely stand the sight of them. People from Boston labor under the mistaken belief that being a relentlessly cynical asshole makes you tough. Endearing, even. They believe their deliberate misery makes them harder and deeper than you. It's all BULLSHIT. A truly tough man keeps his chin up when life gets difficult. When life gets difficult for a Boston fan, he calls WEEI eight times a day to wail like a fucking BITCH. There's nothing tough about these people. France could invade New England tomorrow and seize 80 percent of the land with minimal effort, because Tommy from Quinzee would be too busy demanding that the bartender put more Everlast songs on the jukebox.
And the worst part of it all is that Boston fans have somehow managed to colonize the media industry. EVERYONE at Football Outsiders is a Pats fan (which explains that site's reluctance to give the Giants ANY credit for winning two Super Bowls against them). Everyone at ESPN is a Red Sox fan. And everyone in the fucking comedy writing industry is a Boston fan. It's insane. It's like a goddamn cabal.

And then we have Bill Simmons, who takes his lame "I talk just like all fans do!" excuse and proceeds to beat you over the head with his homerism like it's a fucking tire iron. People here get ornery whenever we take shots at Simmons, but it's not our fault that the man is so grotesquely self-involved and humorless that he can say shit like, "I can't imagine any fan base has experienced more extreme highs and lows over a 10-year span" with a straight face. Hey, you know what? GO TO HELL. Every fan goes through highs and lows, and yours are no more special than anyone else's. If I hear one more goddamn Boston fan say, "This may be the least likable team in Red Sox history!" I'll shit in their coffee. No one gives a fuck where this Red Sox team ranks on your imaginary historical likability scale. You are not the sun around which the rest of the sporting solar system revolves. Why don't you go beat off to Ben Affleck wearing every Boston sports jersey in The Town and quit smothering the rest of the country with your insufferable bullshit? All of you are horrible and diseased.

2. They don't even like the Patriots. I have a dirty little secret, and that is that I spent more time in my life living in New England—13 years—than living anywhere else. I went to prep school in New Hampshire (I know, I know, I'm a dipshit). I went to college in Maine. My parents have lived in northern Connecticut for over two decades. I hung out with a lot of New England sports fans before 2001, and I'm going to tell you something: Before 2001, Boston sports fans HATED the Patriots. It's not that they ignored the Patriots; it's that they absolutely loathed them. The Patriots didn't have the championship tradition of the Celtics, nor did they have the compelling (to Boston people, at least) sob story of the Red Sox, nor the Bawbby fackin' Orr scrappitude of the Bruins. The Patriots were given all the love and support of a Russian foster child.

And now Pats fans are the most insufferable species of human being. They ALWAYS want you to think that they're smarter than you because their coach is smarter than anyone else. Meanwhile, you couldn't get these people to watch a Pats game in September and October if you offered them a thousand bucks and a Kate Upton rimjob. Secretly, they can't wait to go back to hating the Pats and having more free time to dote on their precious, dipshit Red Sox. They're the worst.

3. The defense is still puke. I could watch this team lose to the Giants in the Super Bowl every year. I never want to stop seeing them fail on a national stage. And there's no reason to think they won't do so again. Pass rushers Andre Carter and Mark Anderson are gone now. The Pats will take three-and-a-half minutes just to get anywhere near the quarterback. The secondary is still horrible, and no amount of creative engineering by Belichick (LOOK! He has Aaron Hernandez playing safety! He's such a rebel!) can mask it. This is a still a team perfectly designed to go 12-4 in the regular season thanks to a soft schedule and a kickass passing offense, and then choke in the playoffs once they're forced to run the ball and Eli Manning hangs three touchdowns on them in the final 70 seconds of regulation. I can't wait.

4. Fucking cheaters. There's a whole book out now about just how greatly the Patriots benefited from stealing defensive signals during games. The spying was so extensive, according to one of author Bryan O'Leary's sources, that Tom Brady might've known the defensive calls ahead of time on over 70 percent of his snaps. That's fucking CHEATING. No wonder the Patriots haven't won a Super Bowl since 2004. No wonder supposed offensive genuises like Charlie Weis and Josh McDaniels turned to sandy diarrhea after striking out on their own. It's all so obvious in retrospect. You cheated, and now you suck because you can't cheat. TEAR DOWN THE BELICHICK STATUE.

[CSL]

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>That awkward moment when you realize you're not on Madden13 and have to create yourself...</p>&mdash; Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) <a href="https://twitter.com/ochocinco/status/240869223377813504" data-datetime="2012-08-29T17:51:12+00:00">August 29, 2012</a></blockquote>
<script src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

[Kris P Lettus]

:(

[Kris P Lettus]

Got rid of Blount and picked up Reggie Wayne..

[Emperor Smeat]

It official, replacement refs are a lock for Week 1 since the ref union and NFL couldn't get an agreement done the past few days.

If no deal is done by the Wednesday opener, then replacement refs are a lock for Week 2 as well since the regular refs need between 7-10 days to get into season shape. If no deal is done after Week 4, very likely replacement refs take over for most of the season.

[Kris P Lettus]

I like it cause of how much the announcers talk shit.. Gonna suck if it effects outcome of games..

[Emperor Smeat]

I think the biggest issue with the replacement refs is them being a bit too slow making decisions and somehow can't count correctly when it comes to penalty and ball placement.

Forgot what game it was but a bunch of times the refs kept spotting the ball short during penalties like a 15 yard penalty was just a 13 yard gain.

[Gonzo]

I don't have any blame to place on replacement officials. I have no doubt that these guys (and girl) are doing their best out there.

I think it's absurd the NFL can't make the concessions that the regular officials are asking for. The concessions the regular officials are asking for, monetarily speaking, are a drop in the bucket out of the NFL's coffers.

[Emperor Smeat]

To be fair, the ref's union is also refusing certain concessions that would actually improve officiating a lot in the long term mostly with more full-time crews being added to the ref pool along with better ways to reward or punish officiating.

In terms of money, nobody in the refs union is being fooled by the same tactics the owners used against players last year and remembered how the NFL eventually caved in the last time the refs went on strike.

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>I have no doubt that the replacement refs are doing their best, but the fact is that they suck. I really hope we get the regular refs back in there sooner rather than later.</font>

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>Was surprised to see the Giants' starters playing tonight, nevermind the full first quarter. Eli and the like looked bad, but that's no biggie. Pretty sure they were only there to allow Nicks to get some cuts and contact in. The O-line though is a bit disconcerting, the starters got their shit pushed in by the Pats' 2nd string D-line.

Ojomo made the team tonight. Just an awesome performance. Looks like he'll be a solid replacement for Tollefson as the #4 DE.

1 more week. Can't wait.</font>

[Innovator]

Right side? Weak side

[OssMan]

Got rid of Blount and picked up Reggie Wayne..
Then what did you do

[CSL]

couple of minor rule changes announced, 1 player per team put on IR before September 4th with a "serious injury" can be taken off IR during the season, trade deadline has been moved back 2 weeks and players no longer have to wait 3 days to practice if they sign during training camp

[Innovator]

I added in the reader emails because they were hilarious.


Why Your Team Sucks 2012: Philadelphia Eagles
Drew Magary
Some people are fans of the Philadelphia Eagles. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Philadelphia Eagles. This 2012 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read the other Why Your Team Sucks 2012 previews here

1. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting Andy Reid to win a Super Bowl. The Eagles had their chance last January to rid themselves of Andy Reid forever. They could have kicked him the curb and no one—not even Reid—would have put up much of a fuss. They could have replaced him with a more dynamic personality—such as a chair, or the corpse of a dog, or even an oscillating fan—and finally gotten something out of a talented roster. Instead, owner Jeff Lurie took a gigantic DUMP all over Philadelphia and let Reid stay. Why? WHY? Are you fucking joking?

With apologies to Chargers fans, no fanbase in the NFL hates its coach more than Eagles fans hate Andy Reid, and justifiably so. He's an incompetent, emotionless buttsteak of a man. He LOATHES running the ball. (When LeSean McCoy ran the ball more than 25 times a game last season, the Eagles won every game. This happened a whopping three times.) Andy Reid doesn't even have to do anything to make an Eagles fan apoplectic. He can just stand there, on the sidelines, breathing out of his mustache like an idiot, and the average Eagles fan will want to choke the life out of him. His continued presence on the sideline feels like some kind of sadistic prank Jeff Lurie is playing on the entire city. Secretly, he must cackle with evil delight while watching Reid botch timeouts and call for fullback dives on fourth-and-3.

And to make matters worse, Lurie didn't even force Reid to fire the hated Juan Castillo in the offseason. Steve Spagnuolo was available. FOR WEEKS! He was standing out on the curb wearing a giant sign that said "QUALITY DEFENSIVE COACH FOR HIRE," and what did Andy Reid do? He went on VACATION. I swear to God, he went on fucking vacation before slobbing his way back to Eagles headquarters and deciding DURRRRR LET'S JUST KEEP THE O-LINE COACH IN CHARGE OF THE DEFENSE. This is criminal neglect of a football team. This is a team that will now go out and make the EXACT same mistakes it did a year ago, with Nnamdi Asomugha playing junior high roverback and the Eagles needing to exhaust all their timeouts before the opening kickoff. And do you know what the worst part is? I do ...

2. Analysts LOVE Andy Reid. They adore him. They can't get enough of him. They look at his career record, and they instantly fall in love. He's so steady! He really keeps an even keel! You listen to me, Troy Aikman: There is a difference between being levelheaded and being utterly lifeless. There is NO sense of urgency when Andy Reid is coaching this team. Mike Vick could be on fire, and Andy Reid would still walk to find the extinguisher. Analysts live in this alternate reality where Reid is one of the great coaches of the NFL and that reality is a LIE. Andy Reid is the worst.

3. Michael Vick loves killing drives almost as much as he loves killing puppies. Now that Cam Newton is here, you are no longer obligated to drop to your knees in awe whenever Mike Vick turns a busted play into a 25-yard run. It's not that thrilling when you know he's gonna either fumble the ball or throw a pick on the very next play. Vick has completed more than 60 percent of his passes only once in his career, and that was in 2010, when he was able to surprise pretty much everyone. Now that defenses know he can be contained with corner blitzes and other tactics, he's regressing back to his average quarterbacking numbers. He threw 18 TD passes last season, pathetic in the pass-happy era. And he ran for only one touchdown, so it's not as if he balanced things out on the ground. For the majority of his career, Vick's flashiness has acted as a grand cover for his shortcomings as a passing quarterback, and now that's coming to an end. He can't even last a full season. The fucker said he finally learned to slide this offseason. WELL, WHAT THE FUCK TOOK YOU SO LONG? I guess this is when Andy Reid found time to teach you.

The Eagles are a team that has been thrown together without much thought as to cohesion and scheming (and whatever scheming Castillo dreams up is usually breathtakingly wrong). And now they're going into another brutal year in the NFC East without Jason Peters (torn Achilles) and with DeSean Jackson certain to piss everyone off again. This is a patchwork team coached by a glorified mall cop and led by an erratic QB who can't stay healthy. They're screwed. And you know what?

4. This is what Eagles fans deserve. One of my favorite Twitter feeds is FakeWIPCaller, because it perfectly embodies just how miserable Philly sports fans are. You could win eight Super Bowls and give every single one of these people a new car, and they'd STILL find a way to bitch. The players are never tough enough. The coaches are never smart enough. Only Phil from South Philly has all the answers, and he's more than happy to explain them all to you. Once upon a time, the media decided that all Philly fans are unapologetic assholes, and the town took that and ran with it. It's as if the entire town is trying to live up to a reputation no sane person would want to have. You know what? I hope Andy Reid gets four more years.

5. Hear it from Eagles fans!

Drew:

Andy Reid.

Tom:

You're hosting Thanksgiving. You bought a turkey from Wegman's and your dad's coming over to fry that sucker up. Your wife made the stuffing and the green bean casserole and the lasagna (you're Italian, you eat the shit out of that on Thanksgiving), and all of it is delicious. The Lions are good again, and the Sunday night game features the first place Steelers against the first place Patriots AT Heinz Field, meaning there are three awesome games on the docket for the day. Your aunt went to the farmer's market and bought all kinds of cheeses and cured meats, so the pre-gaming eating is still awesome. The whole family's there too for the first time in forever, and everyone's got good feelings. It's the perfect holiday. NOTHING can go wrong, right?

Yeah, then your idiot uncle shows up, spills the gravy on the rug, asks your not-out-of-the-closet cousin if he's ever gonna find a girl and brings up Chick-Fil-A, causing a free-for-all argument before pie can be served.

THAT'S what it's like to be an Eagles fan. The whole roster can be perfect, but once you remember Andy Reid is the one calling the plays, well, it's time to start bracing for someone else to be holding the Lombardi Trophy at the end of the year.

Kevin:

The Linc could be full-up to capacity every Sunday of the NFL season with a different group of 69,144 fat, illiterate, mustachioed Philly slime reeking of Chicky and Pete's crab fries and Tastykakes and there would still be hundreds of thousands on the waiting list who never got in. These are people who will majestically don the jersey of a fifth-string wide receiver signed by the team 30 years ago because it was so bad it had to pluck a player off the street. This is a fanbase maniacally proud of the 700 Level in the Vet, which was one of the most vile places a human being could ever go. For many, Eagles is the only word they can spell with absolute confidence.

Mike:

There is guaranteed to be at least one game this year in which the Eagles are down by between four and eight points and the following sequence takes place:

Quarter: 4, time 1:10

1st and 10, Eagles ball, opposition 15
M. Vick passes incomplete left to J. Maclin (1:02)

2nd and 10, Eagles ball, opposition 15
M. Vick passes incomplete middle to B. Celek (0:55)

3rd and 10, Eagles ball, opposition 15
M. Vick SACKED for -7 yards, FUMBLES. Ball recovered by Eagles (T. Herremans). (0:44)
M. Vick INJURED, will not return.
Eagles CHALLENGE ball spot. Call upheld, Eagles charged with timeout.

4th and 17, Eagles ball, opposition 22
N. Foles passes complete middle to J. Avant for 18 yards. FIRST DOWN. (0:35).
Eagles timeout

1st and goal, Eagles ball, opposition 1
L. McCoy runs up middle for no gain. (0:30)

2nd and goal, Eagles ball, opposition 1
L. McCoy runs up middle for no gain (0:15)
Eagles timeout

3rd and goal, Eagles ball, opposition 1
L. McCoy runs up middle for no gain (0:09)

Time expires, end of game. Eagles lose.

For the record, the above email nearly killed me.

Scott:

Philly fans throw snowballs at some drunk asshole in a shitty Santa costume during a terrible season over forty fucking years ago and BAM! Legacy. Now any time some drunk asshole fan at a Philly game does some drunk asshole thing to another fan, I have to watch 3 weeks of Stu Scott staring into Camera 1 and Camera 4 declare, "There's no love in the City of Brotherly Love!"

Santa has been an anchor around my neck for years, a little meme for lazy sports reporters. And because Philly is apparently the only city in the country to have fans do asshole things to one another, our stupid fans are the only ones who make it into the national news. What does it take for another city's fans to get into the news? Pretty much they have to beat a man into a coma. Dodgers fans beat a man half to death and the media yawns, glances at it with a bored expression, and moves on. But fans boo the Cowboys in Philadelphia and Joe Buck is going to say something like "Listen to these fans give it to Cowboys. You would almost think that Santa was playing for them!" and Troy Aikman is going to say "I'm glad I'm not wearing a Santa hat this week Joe." Ugh. Fucking Santa.

Cory:

What pretty much every Eagles fan tweet looked like last week:

"O shit Nick Foles BLOWIN UP dis Browns D #VickWho? #DreamTeam #I'mFat"

Jeremy:

Philadelphia fans as a whole are a vile combination of ignorance, belligerence, racism, misery, and poor sanitary habits. They're not people, they're anthropomorphic roaches like the bad guy in the Men in Black. I'll bet you he was an Eagles fan.

Alan:

Eagles fans suck is because they're a bunch of whiny malcontents who think that all of the team's problems could be solved by getting rid of all the team's good players/coaches and "getting a stud [insert position]" as if that were just like buying a fucking cheesesteak.

Erich:

Go to any decent deli in NY and get a cheese steak with provolone and meat that didn't come from a horse's ass and you'll never get one with whiz in Philly again.

Jason:

You'd think that after being a head coach in this league for 14 years, Andy Reid would have learned that in a two-minute drill, you shouldn't have to use the whole fucking play clock before snapping the ball, BUT NO, the team dilly-dallys to the line and takes their sweet old time to complete a 2-yard swing pass and stay in bounds to let the clock run more. We'd use a timeout, but Andy is king at spending all our timeouts within the first 5 minutes of the first and third quarters because our quarterback is not "anticipating" an extra lineman in the box. It's a fucking joke.

Roy:

The worst thing about Eagles fans is that a large number of us HATE Andy Reid. The man has a 136-90-1 career record and got the Eagles to the Super Bowl. The Eagles have been relevant almost every year he's coached in the NFL, and he has only two losing seasons in his entire career with the team. Other NFL teams would kill for that success, and if Andy Reid were to lose his job tomorrow, I bet there are teams that would fire their current coaches to bring him aboard. Why do they hate him? His press conferences are boring. He doesn't tell the media anything. He protects his players when they make a mistake. He seems like a pretty good guy.

Who do Eagles fans worship? Buddy Ryan, who had an 0-3 playoff record.

Tom:

There is no group of human beings on Earth who complain more about their negative national image yet do nothing but constantly feed the stereotype.

Arty:

DeSean Jackson literally ran out of money and had to borrow Drew Rosenhaus' credit card last season.

Kevin:

Andy Reid burns timeouts like Wilson Goode burns rowhomes.

James:

1) The Eagles' fight song. God almighty, the fight song. We sing it after every touchdown, quote it to each other on the street year-round, even buy fucking plaques with the lyrics engraved on them to hang in our Douche Caves.

"Fly Eagles fly, on the road to victory! Fight Eagles fight, score a touchdown 1-2-3! Hit ‘em low, hit ‘em high, and watch our Eagles fly! Fly, Eagles, fly, on the road to victory! E-A-G-L-E-S! EAGLES!"

With its prominent inclusion of both counting and spelling, it reads and sounds like something that Telly Monster and Elmo would warble out together while peeing on Oscar the Grouch's trashcan after a wild early evening of drinking spiked apple juice and vandalizing Hooper's Store.

2) 10-6 and losing in the first round of the playoffs. That's what the Eagles do every year. Look it up. EVERY YEAR. Last year, when they went 8-8 and missed the playoffs? They were 10-6 and lost in the first round of the playoffs. 2010, when they went 10-6 and lost in the first round of the playoffs? They went 10-6 and lost in the first round of the playoffs. That stretch from 2000-2004 when they went 59-21 and made the playoffs every year, including the trip to Jacksonshithole for Super Bowl XXXWHATEVER, where they became the first team in the post-Lombardi era to puke in perfect harmony during their final drive (the 1948 Chicago Cardinals were the only other team to accomplish this, in their 7-0 Championship Game loss to-ironically-the Eagles)? 10-6 and lost in the first round of the playoffs all five times. Last week I tried calling in to Angelo Cataldi and telling him that I am from the future, and that the Eagles will go 10-6 and lose in the first round of the playoffs this year, but in making that call I discovered two things: 1) I had the wrong number, and 2) Whoever's answering the phones at my local Bob Evans these days is an asshole.

3) We Eagles fans are misunderstood, but not in a good way. The ritualistic fluidity with which the media passes around the "Philly fans sure are a tough bunch" bullshit clichés is constructed of equal parts journalistic laziness and a relief on our part that those talking heads on ESPN and elsewhere seem incapable of recognizing us for what we really are: Delirious, Kool-Aid-slurping sycophants. Just as every year this ragtag group of lint scrapings falls out of Jeffrey Lurie's wallet and goes 10-6, we the "phans" (DO YOU GET IT?!) spend every August convincing ourselves that all the hype this year is perfectly warranted; that (this time, finally!) the players might be onto something when they use words like "dream team" and "dynasty" and "not completely fucktarded." Listen to Philly sports talk radio for more than 5 minutes during a late-summer drive time hour (after you've safely stashed your Glock in a place from which it can't jump out and harangue you into using it to shoot yourself in the face), and you'll hear it: "The pieces are there this year!", "They're gonna have a big season!", "It's now or never!", etc. Spoiler alert, dickholes: It's Never.

4) Speaking of Philly sports radio: every now and again, some correspondence school dropout will call in and ask this question: "What do you think about maybe bringing back McNabb?" Actually, I probably didn't need to include the other three. This one is enough of an all-encompassing shitfest on its own.

Tim:

I was born, raised and live in this city and I can tell you, without hesitation, it's the fans. If you want to experience why Eagles fans suck, just make a day-trip to Philadelphia, walk into some shithole bar in South Philly, Kensington, or some other "blue collar" enclave (there's plenty to chose from), and approach our nearest group of civic ambassadors. They'll be easy to spot: Overweight? Check! Tight fade hair cut? Double check! Stupid, ethno-religious tattoo on their arm? (Celtic cross over a shamrock) Triple check!

Say the words "Donovan McNabb Andy Reid" and prepare yourself for a Harvard-level thesis in stupidity. Despite delivering the best years of the franchise's existence, where we played in four NFC Championship Games, one Super Bowl and piled-up nine NFC East titles, you would have thought that Big Red and Donovan were Ray Rhodes and Koy Detmer with the way that they get treated in Philly. According to the average Eagles fan, not beating the Patriots in 2004 (what a shitty team they were, right?) means that owenrship/Reid/McNabb were utter failures who weren't "committed to winning" despite consistently keeping the Eagles competitive, landing big name free agents, and otherwise running the franchise like the gold standard of the NFL. Short of Lurie himself coming down from the owner's box, winning Super Bowl after a 16-0 season, and taking a dump on the Dallas star, it's just way too fun for Philly fans to maintain their bullshit attitude.

Oh, and despite the fact that we play in a gorgeous stadium with state of the art amenities, you still routinely hear Eagles fans getting emotional when talking about how great the Vet was. The Vet was a dump that set the city's reputation back 2,000,000000 years. Get over it and take off that silly cheesesteak hat.

Andrew:

FUCK YOU Juan.

Matt:

Our bullshit revisionist love for Buddy Ryan. Buddy Ryan was a complete asshole, and never won anything that could justify his assholeness. Rex, entering only his 4th season, is already 10 times the coach Buddy ever was. Buddy's greatest accomplishment as a coach was punching Kevin Gilbride in the face during a game; which, while awesome, is not something that will get you into Canton. He also didn't understand anything about offense. That's not an elaboration or hyperbole; he was a head football coach who didn't give a shit about what happened when his defense wasn't on the field.

Also he once (that we know of) put a hit out on a punter. A PUNTER. Even with how great Gang Green was, fans were never really that sold on Buddy, and after yet another playoff loss were turned off by him completely. But in the last few years (our jealously of Rex Ryan, our displeasure with the boring Andy Reid, and our genuine love for the late Jim Johnson) there's been this fanbase-wide nostalgia for the supposed good ol' days of the Buddy Ryan years. Horseshit.

Our bullshit revisionist love for Ron Jaworski. Philadelphia HATED Jaws when he played here. We blamed every loss on him and thought the whole "Polish Rifle" thing was cute for oh, maybe about 3 months. Even when he took us to the Super Bowl, it wasn't enough because we blamed the loss on Jaws. The second Randall Cunningham got here we ditched any possible pretense of ever liking Jaws. It's only been recently with Jaworski's emergence as a national media presence that we've pretended to love him all along.

Mike:

Since our backup QB Mike Kafka was injured, the Eagles needed to put in their 2012 third-round pick Nick Foles. Foles played a good game for a brand new rookie, getting 2 TD's and throwing one pick before being replaced by some other guy, whose name I don't know because really, whose life is actually sad enough that they dedicate time to knowing the name of the 4th string QB on a football team?

So why are our fans terrible? Because the following morning I tune into the local Philadelphia sports radio station and had all of my senses violently assaulted by fans claiming Nick Foles is the future of the Eagles, that he's the next Tom Brady, that he should immediately replace Vick as our #1 QB, and that he'll probably cure cancer. Why? Because he played decently for three quarters in a preseason game against a backup defense.

Kris:

The only vetting process through which our overtly racist fans put our starting quarterback through is whether they can bring them home to meet their parents.

Matt:

Our current coach is the most successful coach we've ever had, yet everyone in the city is so sick of his inept clock management, awful personnel decisions (we one entered a season without a punt returner on the roster) and monotone press conferences that we squirt our jeans whenever the name Jon Gruden is brought up by one of the professional trolls who comprise the entirety of Philadelphia's sports media. Jon Gruden. Fucking Chucky. God.

Our most popular player is a convicted puppy killer and a confirmed coach killer. He once beat a dog to death by repeatedly slamming it against the ground like a bag of ice at a BBQ. Think about that. Yet he is a phenomenal athlete capable of taking over a game and putting on a display like no one else in the history of the sport. When I learned that we signed him, it was like learning that Santa Claus is real, and brings all those presents, but is also a serial rapist. Watching this team is a numb, joyless experience spent pondering the conflict between morality and entertainment. Ron Mexico ruined football for me.

Our fans are complete morons. The last time I was at an Eagles game, a fan sitting near us kept shouting at everyone in front of him to sit down and stop being so excited, calling them amateurs and saying they didn't know what they were cheering for. He also kept shouting how these were the season tickets he had owned for the over twenty years. He left at halftime and didn't come back. This made him the most tolerable of the brain-damaged cheesesteak receptacles surrounding me. We like to make fun of NY fans as fat, stupid bandwagon-jumpers who smell like day-old hoagies. We are those same smelly idiots. I never want to go to an Eagles game again.

Also, many years ago, I was going to propose to my girlfriend at an Eagles game - we were both big fans, and I was young and dumb. My plan was to do it after the birds scored their first touchdown of the night - what could be a higher high? The Eagles lost 42-0 that night. To the Seahawks. She dumped me 6 months later.

I fucking hate the Eagles. They are the worst. But I can't look away. And that's what hurts the most.

Rich:

Eagles fans are so on edge and obsessed with never letting a (perceived) slight just drop away that everything inevitably goes to hell when you go to a game. I'm as big an Eagle fan as anyone but I am tired of this shit, just let me yell at Andy Reid in peace without worried about being on the end of a drunken diving elbow drop.

Ken:

In a season in which the organization made it quite clear they were going for it all, the 2011 Philadelphia "Dream Team" Eagles attempted to win a Super Bowl while getting rid of their proven veteran field goal kicker (who had a tremendous season with the 49ers instead) in favor of a rookie kicker and hired a defensive coordinator who had never coached defense at the NFL level. Okay. So let's recap. When trying to win THE SUPER BOWL.... according to my football team... field goals and defense... NOT THAT IMPORTANT.

Dave:

There is only one way I can think to describe being a fan of a team that employs Michael Vick as it's quarterback.

Imagine standing in front of two indistinguishable boxes that each have a hole in them for your dick. Inside one is Kayden Kross, ready to give you the most mind-numbingly good blowjob you have ever experienced; inside the other is a swarm of angry scorpions that have been genetically engineered to hate penises.

That is what every offensive play with this team feels like. You know you're either headed for the orgasmic bliss of a 70 yard touchdown pass or untouched 35 yard scamper... or you get the horrible soul deadening pain of watching Vick get pancaked on the back end of a draw play and the slow realization that the writhing means he's not going to be getting up.

Timboslice:

I give Michael Vick 3 steps off the team bus before he shatters a clavicle, ruptures a disk in his back and tear a/if not all Cruciate Ligaments.

Danny:

Our favorite city athlete is Rocky- a fucking fictional character from 1976.

Matt:

Having gone to school in Philly, I can easily say Eagle fans are the worst people of any affiliation. Did you know that their football, basketball, and football stadiums are in one enormous parking lot? Then you've never encountered a Philadelphia fan, cause they will tell you that before their name. "OUR CENTRALLY LOCATED SPORTS VENUES MAKE US THE BEST SPORTS CITY!!"

The average Eagles fan's game day experience goes something like this:

Tailgate, stumble into the game, watch the Eagles score first, proclaim to be the most unstoppable team since the 92 Dream Team, throw up, fall into a drug and alcohol induced coma, wake up as they lose in the last 3 mins, call for Andy Reid's meteor-sized head.

Al:

Our coach handles the clock like Penn State handles a scandal. The average Broad Street cementhead getting high on nitrous balloons in the stadium parking lot can hit harder than our secondary. Our porcelain quarterback apparently thinks that it's Pennsylvania law that you have to hold onto the ball long enough to get a helmet to the brisket. And we can't decide if our best quarterback ever was the guy who vomited his way into losing or the other guy who vomits into our ears on game day.

[screech]

What team does the guy who writes those your team sucks pieces like?

[screech]

They are great, btw.

[Innovator]

He's a Vikings fan:


Why Your Team Sucks 2012: Minnesota Vikings
Drew Magary
Some people are fans of the Minnesota Vikings. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Minnesota Vikings. This 2012 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read the other Why Your Team Sucks 2012 previews here. For a rebuttal, see Vikings punter Chris Kluwe's "Why Your Website Sucks."

1. Nice Minnesota people are the worst kind of people. I grew up in Minnesota and I can tell you that the single greatest myth about Minnesotans—a myth STARTED by Minnesotans—is that Minnesotans are extraordinarily nice. It's complete bullshit. Minnesotans are some of the fakest people ever to grace the surface of the Earth. Passive aggression is the default setting of virtually everyone living there. There's nothing genuine about these people. Their plastered-on smiles hide an inhuman thirst for cruelty. Living in Minnesota means living among five million Dolores Umbridges. They HATE people who aren't from Minnesota (particularly Vikings owner Zygi Wilf, supposedly because he's from New Jersey, but mostly because he's Jewish). If they could build a wall around the state and send out laser-equipped loons to protect their borders from anyone with a trace amounts of melanin, they would.
They phrase all put-downs in mother-in-lawese, like so: "That's a very nice dress for someone of your build." That's a Minnesota person being "nice." Catharsis is essentially illegal in that state. Most Minnesota people lie through their teeth 16 hours a day and repress all their anger and bitterness toward the world deep inside, until the day comes when they lace a carrot Jello salad with arsenic and sell it at a local elementary school auction. In a way, I'm glad that batshit crazy Congresswoman Michele Bachmann has gained widespread notoriety, because that woman is the perfect example of what people from Minnesota are really like. There's nothing nice about them. They're awful people.

2. Vikings fans like me are fucking horrible. Every time the Vikings play the Packers at home, half the stadium is Green Bay fans. The entire eastern portion of the state is Packer country. I myself haven't been to a Vikings home game in person since 1990, because no one wants to see his home team play inside an oversized trash bag. I can name only one of their starting linebackers (Chad Greenway, and I think Erin Henderson is another one; Oh wait! I think Jasper Brinkley is still around). When they aren't competitive, I have to fight with every fiber in my being the urge to change the channel and watch my fantasy players instead. I'm a shitty fan, and I'm not alone. When the Vikings are bad, no one shows up. Everyone fucks off to go watch a Louie Anderson comedy special. If you knew the number of Minnesotans who became first-time Vikings fans the day Brett Favre blew into town, you would be horrified. Our supposedly fantastic home-field advantage at the Metrodome was exposed long ago as a fraud: The Vikings pumped in crowd noise like Belle corking his bat. Other fans in other towns are far more loyal and enthusiastic. God, how I despise them all.

And do you want to know the worst thing about Vikings fans? It's the overtures of self-pity. I rip on Boston fans all the time for being melodramatic in the face of adversity. But secretly, silently, I happily accept any attempts to lump the Vikings in with the Cubs as one of the great pity cases in sports, even though Bills and Lions and Browns fans have far more to complain about. CAN'T YOU SEE THAT OUR LOSSES ARE MORE DEVASTATING THAN ANYONE ELSE'S LOSSES? DENNY GREEN BRAD CHILDRESS DREW PEARSON WAH WAH WAH. It's pathetic. My hypocrisy knows no bounds.

3. Oh, and we suck. For the better part of my life, I've been able to count on the Vikings at least being competitive (the franchise has an all-time regular-season winning percentage of .543). That's pretty much over now. Ahead of them lies a decade of guaranteed futility, with the three other NFC North teams clearly superior and built to be superior for the long term. They will get the Bears-in-Champaign treatment at the Gophers' home stadium for one to four years after this season, and they'll have no chance of competing without a real home stadium to call their own.

The interior o-line is horrid. The secondary, as always, is ghastly. No team whiffs on sacks and allows the other team to convert on a third-and-15 quite like the Vikings. The defensive line is aging and will soon become a liability. And Adrian Peterson is coming back too quickly from an injury that he's all but certain to sustain again a month from now. There were so many good players on this roster back in 2009, and all of them have seen their finest years wasted thanks to Brett Favre's penis and a run of abominable coaching. The Vikings' entire 2012 season hinges on a quarterback who most people already believe is an obvious bust. But surely there's still hope for Christian Ponder, right? RIGHT? No? WHO'S UP FOR SOME LOVELY CARROT JELLO SALAD?

4. Our punter won't stop trying to get a job at Deadspin. One day, I'm gonna look up a Chris Kluwe comment on this site and find that it was time-stamped at the exact same moment a punt was blocked. LESS TALKY MORE KICKY, WARCRAFT BOY.

[Droford]

I thought the ravens one of those was hillarious

[Supreme Olajuwon]

of course you did

[Supreme Olajuwon]

If someone just typed the word "Baltimore" in a post, you'd think it was the greatest post ever made.

[Evil Vito]

couple of minor rule changes announced, 1 player per team put on IR before September 4th with a "serious injury" can be taken off IR during the season, trade deadline has been moved back 2 weeks and players no longer have to wait 3 days to practice if they sign during training camp

The caveat to that IR rule is that the player has to be on the 53 man roster by the time rosters are due tomorrow, and they then can't be put on temporary IR until Tuesday.

So for the Giants, Shaun Rogers would be a perfect candidate...but it would mean risking losing an extra DT to waivers. Terrell Thomas or Marvin Austin make more sense as they were likely to be on the 53 man roster even without the rule in place.

[owenbrown]

If someone just typed the word "Baltimore" in a post, you'd think it was the greatest post ever made.

Baltimore

[Innovator]

You're missing the praise of Joe Flacco

[Ermaximus]

Really hoping the Jags don't cut Kevin Elliot. That guy looks like he could be a solid #2 WR.

Why did we sign Laurent Robinson again? Oh wait, that's right, because Gene Smith is a horrible GM.

[Supreme Olajuwon]

I never have any idea who the players are in Ermaximus' posts. Kevin Elliott? No clue.

[Krimzon7]

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>That awkward moment when you realize you're not on Madden13 and have to create yourself...</p>&mdash; Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) <a href="https://twitter.com/ochocinco/status/240869223377813504" data-datetime="2012-08-29T17:51:12+00:00">August 29, 2012</a></blockquote>
<script src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

GOD,

After years of long suffering, you've heard my prayers and given me the vengeance of rendering the biggest prima donna since Chris COllinsworth in Cincy irrelevant.

Thank you :'(

[Emperor Smeat]

From what I've heard he's still in the game but under the free agent list and as his old "Ochocinco" name.

I don't think he realized that when he made tweet or still even knows about it.

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>Yeah, he would still be in the game. Pretty sure the rule is that anybody who played in an NFL game the previous year is automatically in unless they officially retired during the offseason.

But due to Madden's lack of player editing this year, he has to stay as Ochocinco.</font>

[Evil Vito]

DJ Ware cut. Glad to see the coaching's staff obsession with him is finished. Brown and Scott have way more upside.

[Kris P Lettus]

I want to see what they do with our RB situation today..

Thomas, Sproles ,Ingram are a lock but the battle is between Chris Ivory (proven during the regular season) and Cadet who has looked amazing in preseason.. I'm kinda hoping they make a decision with our kickers (Kasay or Hartley), move Sean Canfield to the practice squad and keep all 5 of them and Jed Collin or Corey Hall as the fullback.. I know carrying 6 back is rare but I think it will be worth it cause cutting Ivory or Cadet, they'll immediately picked up on waivers.. Both could be impact players for any team they end up on..

[Ermaximus]

I never have any idea who the players are in Ermaximus' posts. Kevin Elliott? No clue.

That's most people in general. Unless you mention Justin Blackmon, Blaine Gabbert, or Maurice Jones-Drew, most people have no clue who the players on the Jags are.

[Wehttam]

natrone means

[CSL]

<font color=goldenrod>Yeah, he would still be in the game. Pretty sure the rule is that anybody who played in an NFL game the previous year is automatically in unless they officially retired during the offseason.

But due to Madden's lack of player editing this year, he has to stay as Ochocinco.</font>

nah, there's no rules or anything, especially with roster updates, Donny Moore pretty much puts in and removes whoever he pleases, you see retired guys make the game every year etc. But yeah, he's still there, maybe he just didn't look far enough down the free agent list given he's only rated a 76. He's in as Johnson as well.

[Kris P Lettus]

Should have been rated atleast 85..

:shifty:

[CSL]

oooffff Terrell Thomas back on IR

[Evil Vito]

Fuck. I could have seen him being the temporary IR guy but that can't be done until Tuesday.

[FearedSanctity]

I just don't understand the boner Elway and Fox have for Lance Ball. Definition average.

[Skippord]

they need someone who fumbles a lot and gains 3 yards on every carry

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>Fuck it, gonna quickly guess the Giants' Opening Day 53 before tonight's game. Most of them are locks, but whatever:

QB (2): Manning, Carr
RB (4): Bradshaw, Ware, Wilson, Scott
FB (1): Hynoski
WR (6): Nicks, Cruz, Hixon, Randle, Jernigan, David Douglas (fuck off Barden)
TE (3): Bennett, Pascoe, Adrien Robinson
OL (9): Beatty, Boothe, Baas, Snee, Diehl, Locklear, Petrus, Brewer, Mosley

DE (4): Tuck, Pierre-Paul, Umenyiora, Trattou
DT (4): Canty, Joseph, Bernard, Markus Kuhn (surprisingly beats out Shaun Rogers)
LB (8): Boley, Kiwanuka, Blackburn, Rivers, Jones, Williams, Herzlich, Paysinger
CB (5): Webster, Thomas, Amukamara, Hosley, Tryon
S (4): Rolle, Phillips, Will Hill, Janzen Jackson

K (1): Tynes
P (1): Weatherford
LS (1): DeOssie

Suspended (1): Sash
PUP (2): Beckum, Sintim

8 LBs may be a bit much, but fuck it's a hard choice since so many of them contribute on special teams. Paysinger is the one most likely to be cut in favor of another DB if necessary - although maybe he gets spared the first 4 games until Sash returns from suspension to make up the numbers.

#ALLIN</font>

<font color=goldenrod>Only got 45 out of the initial 53 correct. I guess there's a reason why none of the Giants beat reporters make their guesses until after the preseason games are played...there are always injuries and you can't predict them ahead of time.

And now less than 24 hours after the official roster announcement, Mitch Petrus has been waived as the Giants claim D.J. Jones off of waivers from the Eagles. I guess Jim Cordle will now be the utility backup O-line guy.</font>

[Kris P Lettus]

Saints kept 5 RB's and a FB..

Thomas
Sproles
Ingram
Ivory
Cadet

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[Ermaximus]

Saints kept 5 RB's and a FB..

Thomas
Sproles
Ingram
Ivory
Cadet

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Jags kept 6 which really makes me ask why?

MJD, Jennings, Parmele, Owens, Toston, and of course Greg Jones at FB.

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>No roster alignment can be weirder than the Packers.

Only 7 offensive linemen, only 6 defensive linemen, but 5 tight ends, 9 linebackers, 11 defensive backs

Last year they had 5 tight ends and 10 linebackers. Pretty positive they also carried 3 fullbacks at one point.</font>

[Kris P Lettus]

Well their team is run by Mike McCarthy, who when he was the Saints O Coor, would on 3rd and 12 call a 4 yard check down..