GAME: Wrestling Scenes from a Hat

[Lock Jaw]

Lady: Ok, kids! Who wants to see what it feels like to be on the WWE Creative team?

Kid 1: Me! Me!

*Kid 1 gets placed in ride and spun around. Gets off and wobbles around. Puts arm around Kid 2*

Kid 1: This guy........ this guy here..... Next WWE Champion.....

[rob11]

Kid #1: Let's go ride the ECW!

Kid #2: Okay!












http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g122/sandman3g/Misc/devine.jpg
Winner!!!!:rofl:

[Corkscrewed]

yeah, I suppose that is... and this is such a great concept too!

Keep on going! :p

[FourFifty]

Four: Hey! Let's go on "FourFifty's Survivor Series 2k6" ride!

Fifty: OMG OMG OMG OMG THIS IS GONNA BE FREAKIN' AWESOME!!!!

Four: I haven't even gone on it and it's already the best ride I've seen in a while!!!!!

Fifty: Yea! CM Punk is so over! There's no way he'll be jobbing to Snitsky later on!!!!!

*So Four and Fifty wait in line, as giddy as school girls, with hope in their heart! They get on the ride.....*

Fifty: Why the fuck did I let you talk me into this?

Four: Shut up....... I didn't know it was going to be crap....

FourFifty: That was a waste of time.

[El Fangel]

Mark Henry: The Ride
Days Since Last Death: 0.64

Kevin Nash: Oh this looks like fun, lets go.

Tears quad.

Kevin Nash: This shit sucks.

TripleH *Hobbles in*: "Tell me about it" *Falls and tears other quad*

[rob11]

This is sucky but...
Hulk Hogan the ride...
*2 kids get in the car, it goes up a ramp, then proceeds to drop 100 feet onto cement. Then, masked guys come up with AK47's shoot everything in the car, then throw nades into it, before finishing it off with a bazooka shot. The 2 kids get out of the car without a scratch*

[Xero]

Kid: Hey, I hear the new Boogeyman ride is awesome!

Kid #2: Okay, let's go!

*The two get on line and get in. Horribly staged "scary" crap happen."

Kid #2: This sucks.

Kid #1: Yeah, can't believe we wasted out tickets on thi-

*The ride stops short, throwing them into the safety bar. A series of clinks are heard.*

Both: MY TEETH!

[ChiefStubbs]

Kid: Hey, let's ride the "IWC's View of WWE from 1998-2007"!
Kid 2: Yeah!
*They get on ride, which rockets into the air*
Kid: Wow, this is fu-
*The ride crashes into Hell*

[Corkscrewed]

KID #1: Hey, you want to go on the IIIncredible Kurt Anglecoaster?

KID #2: Sure! I heard it goes 0-490 MPH in 3 seconds, has 48 loops, and drops 700 feet straight down into a dragon!!

KID #1: No way!!!!




















KID #1: Well, I'll be damned.

[Corkscrewed]

KID #1: Hey, you want to ride the Kelly Kelly Karousel?

KID #2: Sure!

















KID #1: Wait, these are just a bunch of sybians...

[Lock Jaw]

KID #1: So, I rode the "Litacanrana" the other day and now I've got this weird rash and this burning sensation...

KID #2: At least you got to ride something. I tried to go on Hulk Hogan's ride but whenever it almost started, it would stop again so we could all scream and cheer in anticipation. It was like that for 45 minutes.

KID #1: Did it ever start?

KID #2: I can't even tell.

[Lock Jaw]

KID #1: Hey, you want to ride the Kelly Kelly Karousel?

Kelly Kelly: *looks at the sign for the ride* KKK? That's not good...

[Vastardikai]

Kid A: Let's go ride the Tazz ride!

Kid B: Hells yeah!

*Walk up to sign that says no one can ride who is taller than me, and it goes up to their waist.*

Kid A: Awww man!

Kid B: Let's go to the John Laurinitis Ride, then.

*They go to the next ride, which has a sign that is way over their heads. The sign reads: YOu must be 6'5" or taller to ride.*

Kid A: This place sucks!

Kid B: Hells yeah.

[FourFifty]

*Kanyon is standing around with a shirt that says "must be this tall to ride"*

Kid 1: ewwwww.....

[Theo Dious]

Kid A: Let's go on the Great Khali Ride!

Kid B: But everyone says that ride's no good.

Kid A: Then why is the line so damn long?

[FourFifty]

Kid 1: Hey, look! It's The New DX Ride! Wanna go on it?

Kid 2: No, I'll just sit here and think about the old DX ride.

[rob11]

Ultimate Warrior Ride!

*Kids get on it, goes through a building into a lecture room, then just stops and the bars tighten and trap all the kids. The Ultimate Warrior comes out of a room and starts lecturing beginning with how queering does NOT work.*

5 hours later

Warrior: DESTRUCTICITY! And that is what the Warrior is all about!

*At this point all of the kids have lost their minds and give a loud applause*

[Theo Dious]

Kid A: Hey, what's wrong with the Kurt Angle ride?
Kid B: What do you mean? There's nothing wrong with it.
Kid A: Sure there is, it's out of order every few weeks and parts of it are held together with duct tape and bubble gum.
Kid B: You know, you're right. How much do you wanna bet it'll completely fall apart in mid-ride?

[Corkscrewed]

1000000 pts to Xero for his ECW Train Wreck.

What Hulk Hogan's house-sale tour would be like.

[Xero]

*They enter the kitchen*

Hogan: WELL HERE'S THE KITCHEN, BROTHER! THIS IS WHERE YOU MIX ALL YOUR VITAMINS, BROTHER!

*They enter the bathroom*

Hogan:HERE'S THE BATHROOM, BROTHER! GET RID OF ALL THAT SIN, BROTHER BROTHER!

*One of the buyers points at a closet*

Buyer: What's in there?

Hogan: WELL YA KNOW SOMETHIN' BROTHER! I HAVEN'T OPENED THAT DOOR IN ABOUT 20 YEAR BROTHER! LET'S CHECK IT OUT!

*He opens the door and a dead body falls out, wearing nothing but face paint.*

Buyer: ....

Hogan: ....

Buyer: :wtf:....

Hogan: ...So THAT'S where I stashed the real Warrior's body... Brother.

[FourFifty]

1000000 pts to Xero for his ECW Train Wreck.

What Hulk Hogan's house-sale tour would be like.

Goddamn it, this means I can't put up my "The Miz Ride" skit I thought of at work today....

[Corkscrewed]

BUYER: I love the shade of white in this room! What do you call it?

HOGAN: Brookcum. :shifty:

[FourFifty]

Goddamnit, I can't think of anything for this one, so I'm going to revert to the last topic, simply because I can't get this skit out of my head. Sorry in advance, but this MUST be said! Let's see Kid 1 and Kid 2 ONE MORE TIME!!! WOOOOOO!!!!

Kid 1: Hey, look, it's The Miz: The Ride...

Kid 2: Who the hell wants to go on that one?

*FourFifty runs toward The Miz: The Ride, knocking over Kid 1 and Kid 2*

FourFifty: HOOORAAAAH!!!!

[Vastardikai]

Buyer: Where's the Couch?

Hogan: Umm.... No Comment, Brother.

[Impact!]

Hogan: And here is one of this houses many bathrooms

House buyer: ...Is that toilet built to look like Macho Man Randy Savage's face...

Hogan: :shifty:

[FourFifty]

Hogan: And here is one of this houses many bathrooms

House buyer: ...Is that toilet built to look like Macho Man Randy Savage/Booker T/Rey Mestiro/Randy Orton/ HBKs face...

Hogan: :shifty:

[Impact!]

Mike Tenay: Look Cole it's Rey Mestiro

Don West: THIS IS SO BIZARE

[Impact!]

Hogan: And here we see my daughter Brooke's room

Home buyer: ...Are those sibian's mounted on the walls...

Hogan: Sibian? Oh you must mean those airfresheners Brooke insisted on me buying for her room. Yeah she loves them, everynight when she goes to bed you can just hear her moans and sighs of fullfillment from having such clean fresh air.

Home buyer: ... :naughty:

[starfox8500]

Sorry couldn't think of any for the new ones
*The Edge WWE Ride*
Me: Alright Edge as champ I can't wait to see his lengthy run!
*Ride starts The track ahead shows a blood pumping action packed lunch hurling track. When all of a sudden the ride forks to the right and returns to the start*
Me: WTF is this
*Creative speaks code into his radio, seconds later
KHALI EAT LITTLE SMARK, ERGSORUGHSDOIRJGSORHG

[Corkscrewed]

^ I should neg rep you for playing out of order.

Just for that, no points for anyone. Thank starfox for that!!!
:shifty:

WWE Drinking Games

[Shadow]

Take a drink every time you see Vince masterbating.

[rob11]

Drink everytime a bland hoss appears. Actually then people would be passed out by the end of the first segment of whatever show.

[Vastardikai]

The C.M. Punk Variation.

Anytime WWE Product is actually entertaining, take a shot.

[FourFifty]

Drink every time you wonder what the writers were thinking.

[Shadow]

Drink whenever Jeff Hardy "tries" to dance

[FourFifty]

Everytime CM Punk rips something off from someone else, take a shot.

[Impact!]

Take a drink every time JR says BA GAWD

[Corkscrewed]

Scenes, people.

Scenes.

[Xero]

Fan #1: Not too many botches tonight, looks like we're not getting hammered.

Fan #2: Yeah...

*Lita's music hits*

(Five minutes later...)

Roommate: SOMEONE CALL 911! WE HAVE TWO CASES OF ALCOHOL POISONING!

[Impact!]

Counciler: Ok guys, we all know it's hard to quit drinkin, but we're gonna play another game. Remember the drink every time a crowd reaction is edited in game.

Guy 1: Yeah, thank god for TNA. It's a really good way to quit drinking.

Counciler: I know guys, that's why we're gonna play it again tonight.

Guy 2: Cool, alright guys turn on the TV

*On comes Smackdown!*

[FourFifty]

Everytime CM Punk rips something off from someone else, take a shot.

Four: Hey Fifty, I just got a case of jager! Wanna play the CM Punk drinking game?

Fifty: Noooo.... not again...... I'm still throwing up tequila from his last match....

Four: Come on, don't be a whimp!

Fifty: Shut the hell up and GO 2 SLEEEEEP!!!!

[Theo Dious]

Late 20s Guy 1: Alright! ECW on SciFi! Dude, let's take a drink every time we feel like we're in college again!
Late 20s Guy 2: Sweet! I'm in!

One hour later...

Guy 2: Dude, if I were drunk I wouldn't be in such pain right now.
Guy 1: I didn't even touch the stuff and I'm still going to puke.

[FourFifty]

DT, I see you as an upcoming poster in these parts. :lol:

[Lock Jaw]

Guy 1: This sucks... there haven't been any ref bumps or interferences. Surprisingly.

Guy 2: Sshhhh... here comes the TNA Main Event!

(After the main event...)

Guy 1 + 2: *passed out*

[rob11]

DT, I see you as an upcoming poster in these parts. :lol:
Yes, very entertaining:lol:

[El Fangel]

Guy 1 - Lets take a drink everytime Hogan no sells in this match
Guy 2 - Ok, sounds good

*10 minutes into match*

Bartender: Hey guys I need backup at Bar#3, and for christs sake stop pissing while your taking shots.

Guy 1 - SO...MUCH.... (Dies)

Guy 2 - ...LIQUOR...(Dies)

Bartender - :| I just sold 4 grand worth of liquor in 16 minutes.

*Calls Paramedics*

Paramedic - Umm...How did these guys die from drowning inside a bar.

*Bartenders look at each other and then the hose connected to the water tap.*

[Corkscrewed]

That's more like it, guys. :lol: Gonna spread rep around.

[Disturbed316]

Everytime Khali speaks drink, DONT drink when you understand a word he says.

[Blue Demon]

Take a drink everytime someone says "In this very ring"

[Corkscrewed]

Ric Flair in the supermarket.

[Impact!]

*Ric Flair is strolling down a supermarket aisle looking at different breakfast cerials*

Ric Flair: Captain Crunch...no

Suger coated frosty flakes...no

WOOOOOOOOOOOO that's what I wanted

*Ric walks over to a shelf and grabs a box of cerial*

TO BE THE MAN, YOU'VE GOT TO EAT THE BRAN

[Impact!]

:shifty:

[Corkscrewed]

:rofl:

[rob11]

Another bad one, argh!

*Ric Flair is seen walking down an aisle wooing at random foods. Suddenly a mom and her todder son walk down the same aisle. The mom randomly stumbles.
Mom:Ohh these stupid heels are breaking.

Flair starts getting angry...

Mom:Hey (toddlers name), you have something on your face, let me wipe it off.

Flair continues to grow angrier and redder

Mom:Hurry up and choose son, we have to go meet Mark at his house. I also have to stop at the flower shop to buy a plant.

*Finally Flair loses it....
Flair:INSIDER TERMS WOOOOO WOOOOO

*Flair chops the mom and she goes down in a heap, the chops the kid whos screaming crying on the floor. Flair then struts around before locking the mom in a figure four and she screams in pain. Suddenly a couple employees hear the comotion, go into a box and pull out a needle, run up to Flair and stick him, then he falls asleep*
Employee:Well, at least they weren't smarks or they would be in serious trouble.
*Flair's eyes randomly open*

[Xero]

*Ric Flair is at the cash register*

Ric: Just did a little shoppin'...

*Cashier rings up Tang*

Ric: ;)

*Cashier rings up that astronaut ice cream*

Ric: :naughty:

*Cashier rings up condoms*

Ric: :p

Cashier: :wtf:

*Cashier rings up Playboy magazine.*

Ric: :naughty:

Cashier: WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM, PERV!?

Ric: I have a VERY long trip planned for Space Mountain, as you can see, and would like you to come with me, WOOOOOO!

Cashier: You DO realize I'm a man, right?

Ric: ...good day....

*Flair walks out*

[rob11]

Xero gave me an idea...

*Flair is standing in line behind an attractive looking girl*
Flair:Wooooo, the line to space mountain!
*Flair gropes the girl in the ass. The girl turnes around and smashes Flair in the head with a can of soup. Flair at first doesn't react continuing to grope, but then suddenly flops to the ground*

[Xero]

*Flair is in the cereal aisle*

Flair: Excuse me, do you know where the Flair O's are.

Stocker: No, sorry, all we have are these Dusty O's, Triple H's and Genetic Jackloops.

Flair: Damn.

Stocker: We do have the generic knockoff, "Over the Hill O's".

Flair: WOOOO! I'll TAKE EM!

[Impact!]

*Ric Flair is in line to pay for his groceries, the cashier puts the items through and rings them up*

Cashier: ok sir that'll be $75

Flair: WOOOOOOOOO

Cashier: ....That was $75

Flair: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Cashier: Seventy

Flair: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Cashier: Five

Flair: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Cashier: Dollars

Flair: ....

Cashier: Woo sir?

Flair: *slaps*

TO BE THE MAN
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
YOU'VE GOT TO CHEAT THE MAN
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

*Ric grabs his groceries and runs*

[Theo Dious]

Never said in what capacity Flair was IN the supermarket. ;)

Cashier 1: I'm not too sure about this new manager.
Cashier 2: Why, what's wrong with him?
Flair enters through the automatic front doors, wearing his robe over cashier's vest
Flair: Woooooo! Welcome to FlairFoods!
Cashier 2: Well he's strange, but I think he's probably harmless.
Flair grabs a teenager by the arm, a bunch of candy bars fall out of his pocket
Flair: Hey kid! What do you think you're doing with that?
Shoplifter: Wha? Oh, I was gonna pay for that...
Flair: Oh yeah? You think you can put one past the dirtiest player in the store?
Flair proceeds to eyepoke and low-blow the shoplifter and slap the figure-four on him
Flair: Wooooo! To be the manager, you gotta beat the manager!
Cashier 1: Now you don't see that at Wal-Mart.

[Impact!]

*Ric Flair is lying in bed fucking an incredibly obese woman*

Woman: Flair baby I looooove you

Ric: WOOOO DID YA LIKE SPACE MOUNTAIN NATA...EMI...Ah Whats your name again?

Woman: Supermarket

[Theo Dious]

That was terribly awful and it made my brain want to eat itself.
</>
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Good job.

[Impact!]

It did it's job then

[Xero]

*A series of smashes are heard.*

PA: Will someone please claim the crazy naked man in aisle 4.

In the distance: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[Lock Jaw]

*Ric Flair picks up box of Count Chocula*

Ric: I suppose this one looks a BIT like me...

[Xero]

Flair: WOOO! WOO! WOO WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Manager: Please, sir, I must ask you to stop putting Alphabit W's into the Cheerios boxes.

Flair: WOOOOO!

[Theo Dious]

Cashier: Sir, that creepy old guy is here again.
Manager: Oh for crying out loud. What's he done this time?
Cashier: Well he exposed himself to two of the Cashiers, then he climbed to the top of the bread rack. Luckily one of the stock boys managed to pull him down.
Manager: Where is he now?
Cashier: Well he threw some turkeys onto the ground and then elbowdropped them, and now he's yellng "Woo" at the rotissiere chickens. Should we call the cops?
Manager: No, just wait until he spontaneously flops over on his face, then tackle him. *muttering* What does "stylin' and profilin'" even mean, anyways?

[Corkscrewed]

1000 pts to Xero for the Alphabits/Cheerios joke. :lol:

Odd situations in which to break out a wrestling move.

[Impact!]

*Rikishi is walking down the street and spots a bum lying asleep in an alley way*

Rikishi: :shifty:

*Rikishi looks around and starts "backing it up"*

Rikishi: RAISE DA ROOOOOOF

*Stink Face*

[FourFifty]

Poilice Man: Sir, can you tell me why this hooker is out cold?

DDP: Hey, she said that if I gave her 100 bucks, I could BANG her!

Police Man: ....come again?

DDP: She never saw is commin'!

[Corkscrewed]

TERRORIST #1: Okay, lets do it.

TERRORIST #2: Yes.

Terrorist #2 proceeds to kick his partner in the gut, shove his head between his legs, flip him up onto his shoulders, then slam his back onto the ground.

TERRORIST #1: OW!!! What the hell was that for???

TERRORIST #2: That was a power bomb, no? I thought it would cause more damage. :shifty:

[Corkscrewed]

^^ ROFL. That was way better than mine. :rofl:

[Corkscrewed]

SATAN: Damnit, I need something to hang these wet clothes on again. JBL!!!! GET OVER HERE!!!!

JBL: *sigh* You know it's not really a traditional clothesline, right?

[Impact!]

*In a comic book store*

Kid 1: Alright guys, well I put down my Blue Eyes White Dragon

Kid 2: Oh shit, I dunno what can compete with that

Kid 3: I ah put down my magic card, the Hallal Mushroom card. +10 defense to me

Gregory Helms: I challenge your Blue Eyes White Dragon with my...SHINING WIZARD

*Helms jumps onto the table and hits Kid 1 with a Shining Wizard*

[Theo Dious]

At the Westminster Dog Show:
Judge 1: What a lovely dog, Mr. H. May I see the Pedigree then?
Triple H Pedigrees the judge
Judge 2: Next up, the Bulldog group.
Trish Stratus races in and Bulldogs the judge
Judge 3: And here we have a lovely Boston Terrier.
Chris Jericho knocks the judge down and applies a Boston Crab
Judge 3: Hey! This has nothing to do with dogs!
Vince McMahon: I don't care! We're getting revenge for you jerks pre-empting us over the years!!!

[Xero]

*A pitcher throws a ball high towards the batter's head.*

Batter: :mad:

*The batter points his bat, runs out and gives the pitcher a reverse DDT*

[rob11]

2 kids are about to fight at school...
Kid 1: That's it, you are going down. *Finger Poke of DOOOOM!*
*Kid 2 falls to the ground in a heap begging for mercy*

Random Voice:You monster!
Another Random Voice: How could you do such a horrible thing!

[loopydate]

GUY #1: Hey, man, I didn't mean anything by it! I didn't realize she was with you.

GUY #2: I'll teach you to buy my girl a drink! HA!

GUY #1: Uh...

GUY #2: What the fuck?

GUY #1: I was gonna say the same thing to you.

GUY #2: How are you still standing?

GUY #1: Because all you did was chop me on the top of my head. And not very hard, either.

GUY #3: Yeah, not very believeable.

GUY #2: You shut up. Nobody asked you.

GUY #4: Yeah! That was the most bad-ass chop I've ever seen!

[Thus began the cult following of Larry, the random head-chopper. His girlfriend left him for Guy #1, though. He had a job and... didn't go around chopping people on the tops of their heads.]

[Lock Jaw]

Batman: Tell me where the drugs are!

Crook: I don't know! I swear!

Batman: STFU!

[Batman locks in the STFU]

Crook: Uhhh... What the shit is this?

Batman: Uhhh... I...I AM THE NIGHT!!

[Impact!]

So ah, a new one perhaps?

[Blue Demon]

WRESTLING CHARACTERS IN OTHER JOBS

*at a McDonald's*

Middle aged person: So a Big Mac has the most fat?
O'Hare: I'm not telling you anything you don't already know...

[Xero]

Ron Simmons: The next word is........ DAMN!
Kid: D.... A.... M... M?
*BUZZZZ*
Ron: .......................DAMN!

[starfox8500]

*Eugene gets a job at the Hospital for the mentally challenged*

Him: Hi my name is Eugene with some backwards letters. And due to this green slime on my wrestling gear I guess I'm poor.

Patient: Sut up retar!:foc:

~I suppose I'm going to heel for this one huh?

[Xero]

Sony Executive: Well, PSP sales are way down, I'm afraid we're going to have to can it. It was a good try, but...

*Tony Schiavone randomly walks in*

Exec: ...Can I help you?

Tony: THIS IS THE GREATEST ROOM IN THE HISTORY OF THIS BUILDING!

Exec: ...What?

Tony: OH MY GOD! THIS IS THE GREATEST CHAIR IN THE HISTORY OF CHAIRS!

*The exec looks around and Tony takes a sip of someone's coffee*

Tony: THIS IS THE GREATEST CUP OF COFFEE IN THE HISTORY OF COFFEE!

Exec: I think we've found our hype man. If he can't sell it, no one can.

Tony: THIS IS THE GREATEST AIR IN THE HISTORY OF EARTH!

*A year later*

Exec: WE'RE BEATING NINTENDO IN SALES! And it's all thanks to Tony Schiavone!

Tony: THIS IS THE GREATEST APPRECIATION FOR ME IN THE HISTORY OF MY APPRECIATION!

[Inadequacy]

Ron Simmons: The next word is damn.
Kid: Can you please use it in a sentence?
Ron: .......................DAMN!

[Corkscrewed]

LMAO

[Impact!]

*In a court room*

Judge: Ok sir, what is your opening statement?

John Cena: YO YO YOOOOO TODAY I'M GONNA PROVE THAT THE MAN SITTING RIGHT OVER THERE IS IN FACT A CHAAAIIIIIN GAAAAANG SOLDIER. HIS TIME IS UP, HIS jail TIME IS NOW. WE WON'T SEE HIM for 10 to 20 years

Judge: Does the defence have an opening statement?

Funaki: INDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!

[Impact!]

* In a grave yard a man can be seen digging out a grave *

Undertaker: What? I'm an Undertaker...get it...

[Skippord]

*Random Bums Fighting*

Bum 1: You aint gettin' this meat this is my meat
*Khali's music hits as he Chops both bums in half*

Khali: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR MY MEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT

[Theo Dious]

WWE Wedding Chapel:

Hulk Hogan: Do you brother take this woman brother in sickness and in heath brother as long as you both shall live brother???

Groom: Ummm... yes.

JR: Bah gawd King! This is one slobberknocker of a wedding!
Michael Cole: Look! It's that little bastard Hornswaggle with the ring!
JBL: Watch your mouth, Cole, we're in a church! And that guy has parents!
Joey Styles: Guys, be quiet, we're supposed to be caterers here.

AAAYAAYAYIYIYAIAIAI...

Hassan: Sorry everyone, that happens whenever I show up anywhere. Anyways, the limo's ready, let me know when you're ready to leave.

[Xero]

*An action scene ensues with Jean Claude Van-Damme.*

Director: CUT! Okay, Jean, step out, and Rob, you go in. You're going to be hit with that 50,000 pound slab of concrete, which is very real and very heavy, so watch out.

RVD: Wait, what? I thought we were using fak-

Director: ACTION!

RVD: ...Dude........ *SLAM*

[FourFifty]

*in a confession booth*

Random Guy: Forgive me farther, for I have sinned. Last night after I took the baby sitter home I ended up having sex with the baby sitter. I couldn't resist it. I know it's wrong, I know... But things between my wife and I have grown so stale.... I couldn't refuse...

And now you get to decice your own ending!!!!

Ron Simmions: .................DAMN!

Macho Man: :shifty: Go onnn.... *fap fap fap*

Jeff Hardy: Sorry I'm late. Did I miss anything?

Paul Heyman: You know some of us are trying to take a crap here... where's the toliet in this stall anyways?

Slim: (see Macho Man)

[Xero]

Vince: Okay, here's the scene. He walks into a strip club and steals one of the women. He runs out, and drives off. He crashes his car and he and the stripper die in the fire. Then Kane comes in and screws her brains out.

Writer: ...You do realize this is for "Spongebob Squarepants", not "Spongebob Nopants", right?

Vince: ...This isn't Nippleodeon studios... So THAT'S why everyone's been making the Spongebob jokes...

[starfox8500]

*An action scene ensues with Jean Claude Van-Damme.*

Director: CUT! Okay, Jean, step out, and Rob, you go in. You're going to be hit with that 50,000 pound slab of concrete, which is very real and very heavy, so watch out.

RVD: Wait, what? I thought we were using fak-

Director: ACTION!

RVD: ...Dude........ *SLAM*

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Xero Limit 126 again.


:rofl: :lol: :rofl: :lol:

[Theo Dious]

Customer: I have a problem here.
Manager: What is it?
Customer: It's your cashier. He refuses to sell anything.
Hulk Hogan: That's right brother!

It was either that or bump the thread with no entry.

[chrisat928]

"Hi my name's Batista and I just switched to Geico."

So easy a caveman could do it.

[Theo Dious]

Ok, everybody needs to rep this boy to at least one green dot right now. That was :rofl:

[Xero]

LOL

[FourFifty]

"Hi my name's Batista and I just switched to Geico."

So easy a caveman could do it.

My green dot got him out of the red :)

[chrisat928]

Aclock repair shop.

An elderly woman is picking up her clock.
"Does it tell the correct time now?"
"What time is it!?"
"3:30."
"What time is it!?"
"3:30."



"It's Vader Time!

time time!"

[Impact!]

Aclock repair shop.

An elderly woman is picking up her clock.
"Does it tell the correct time now?"
"What time is it!?"
"3:30."
"What time is it!?"
"3:30."


*Voice over*
"It's Cryme Tyme

BROOKLYN BROOKLYN

time time!"

[Impact!]

...KENNEDY

[Xero]

Okay, gonna change things up a bit...

Jeopardy!: Wrestling_Style

[Nowhere Man]

Trebek: "This short-lived masked character was played by Jim Neidhart"

Contestant: Who is--

Trebek: Correct!

Oh, and I wanted to do this one for "Wrestlers in Other Jobs:"

Yoshihiro Asai: Come on down to Bill Penny's Nissan dealership, where they'll get you the best deal you've ever had, or my name isn't ALTIMA DRAGON!

[Theo Dious]

Trebek: Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy, WWE edition. It's time for Double Jeopardy, in third place, with minus five thousand dollars, and playing for the Pittsburgh Broken Fricken' Neck Foundation, we have Olympic Gold Medalist Kurt Angle...
Angle: I'm gonna win this game with a broken fricken' neck! Woo!
Trebek: ...okay... and in second place, with minus fifteen hundred dollars, playing for the American Cancer Foundation... Foundation... why is it written like that... we have Ken Kenne-
Kennedy: Hold on there Trebek, there's only one way to do this right. (Grabs a microphone from over his podium)
...with minus fifteen hundred dollars... Mistaaaaaaaaa... Kennedy!!!
Trebek: Very good... and in first place, with-
Kennedy: ...Kennedy!
Trebek: Mmm hmm. And in first place, with zero dollars, John Cena.
Cena: Yo yo yo, Trebek, my time is NOW!
Trebek: Ok. Mr. Cena has actually answered a number of questions wrong, but seems to be able to no-sell the penalties. And todays categories are: Championship History, Rest Holds, Finishing Maneuvers, Wrestlers Named John, Royal Rumble Winners, and Famous McMahons. Kurt Angle, you start Double Jeopardy.
Angle: You know TNA's ratings are going to surpass yours in a few months, don't you Trebek?
Trebek: ...Royal Rumble winners it is. And the answer is: This man has won the Royal Rumble more than any other wrestler in WWE history. *ring* Mr. Cena?
Cena: Who is JOHN... CE-NA! *beepbeepbeep*
Trebek: No. For the love of God, why won't his score go down?!
Cena: Because I always overcome the odds, Trebek!
Trebek: Right... anyway, the answer was Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Angle: Who I beat with a BROKEN FRICKEN' NECK!
Trebek: As far as I know, you never did that, Mr. Angle. The board is still yours. Would you like to choose a category?
Angle: I'd like to whip your sorry ass in a MMA match, you scrawny little coward!
Trebek: Ok then... Famous McMahons it is. And the answer: this McMahon created Wrestlemania, has repeatedly flashed his bare bottom on WWE programming, and is the current ECW Champion. *ring* Mr. Cena?
Cena: Who is Ed McMahon? *beepbeepbeep*
Trebek: No. And of course your score remains the same. *ring* Mr. Kennedy?
Kennedy: ............
Trebek: Mr. Kennedy?
Kennedy: ...KENNEDY!!!
Trebek: ...since that happens to be his middle name, I'm going to accept it just to spite you. Please choose a category.
Kennedy: ............
Trebek: Oh please don't...
Kennedy: ...Category!!!
Trebek: Fine... wrestler's named John for a thousand, and *beepbeepbeepbeepbeep* oh goody, a video daily double. How fun. How much would you like to wager, Mr. Kennedy, as you are in negative figures, you can wager up to *smirks* two thousand.
Kennedy: ......dollars!
Trebek: I'm going to assume you agree. Please watch this video and tell me: this man, whose initials are JBL, had one of the longest WWE title reigns in WWE history:
<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/K5bGIJeDsTM"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/K5bGIJeDsTM" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>
Kennedy: ...............history!!!
Trebek: You are obviously retarded. We're going to move to Final Jeopardy so that I can get on with it and kill myself. The Final Jeopardy category is "Wrestlers Named Hogan." And the question: This host of "Hogan Knows Best" is a "hulk" of a man who has been WWE champion on several occasions.
*music plays*
Trebek: Alright, let's do this. Kurt Angle, your response was... hm, you wrote "USA." That's great. And you wagered... an Olympic Gold Medal. We'll be collecting that on the way out, sir. Mr. Kennedy, you wrote... "Mr. Kennedy." And let me guess, you wagered... "...Kennedy." Of course.
Kennedy: ...Kennedy!
Trebek: And John Cena, your response was... "Word..." and you wagered... "Life." That is incorrect, but I'm sure it won't affect your score in any way, so it appears you win. Oh and look, you've put a spinner on your podium. That's beautiful. Well that's it for Celebrity Jeopardy, and all I can say is, at least I didn't have to put up with Sean Connery.
Connery: Oh don't speak so soon, ya greasy haired momma's boy!
Trebek: Somebody fucking shoot me.

[Theo Dious]

I know it was long, but I got carried away.

[rob11]

Holy shit!:rofl:
He should get 1000+ rep points for that.

[chrisat928]

Oh god, it hurts to laugh!:rofl: :lol: :rofl: :lol:

[CSL]

<font color=white>Trebek: Another 2nd class movie.

Contestant: What is The Rock cooking?</font>

[PorkSoda]

Trebek: Steve, you have control of the board.

Steve: The Hart Family for 1,000

Trebek: Jim Neidhart was dubbed under a mask in the late 90's and was given a nickname, often referenced to an old Abbot and Costella skit.

Steve buzzes in.

Steve: WHAT?

Trebek: No, I'm sorry, it was Who!

[starfox8500]

Alex: Ok Hulk Hogan, what realtion is Eugene to Eric B.

Hulk: Brother, Brother

Alex: Oh I'm sorry it's Brother, Son

[FourFifty]

Time for another bump!

To say "Way to go!" to all of the students who have been busting their asses off since Sept.....

Wrestlers In College
Go where ever you want with this one, I'll post something later on.

[Xero]

Professor: And what will your final creative writing essay be entitled Vince?

Vince: "Shit I wrote ten years ago that you've never read".

[Vastardikai]

Lead Frat Boy: Alright, to join this Brotherhood, you have to do a Keg Stand.

Frat Boy Chorus: KEG STAND! KEG STAND! KEG STAND! KEG STAND!

C.M. Punk: Keg Stand? Fuck that, I'm out of here.

Lead Frat Boy: Where'd he go, and where's Maria?

Frat Boy #1: She just left.

Frat Boy #2: Didn't that guy who was too big of a puss to do a keg stand leave with her?

Frat Boy #3: Maria... she's soooo fucking hot!

Lead Frat Boy: SON OF A BITCH!

Frat Boys: SON OF A BITCH!

Spanish Student: MADRE DE DIOS!

(I feel sorry for anyone who catches the reference at the end.)

[FourFifty]

<b>College Councilor:</b> I’m sorry, but I think it’s a little too early to start thinking about getting a doctorate… even in a made up subject.

<b>John Cena:</b> What dya mean that Thuganomics is made up, yo?

<b>College Councilor:</b> ……….Get out……….

<b>John Cena:</b> I’ll get my doctorate in Thuganomics! You can’t stop me! You can’t see me! <I>*Cena slams the door behind him*</I>

<b>College Councilor:</b>…..Thuganomics…. First it was style, now Thuganomics….

[ChiefStubbs]

Daivari: I need to take a class on a certain language.
Councilor: Alright, what language?
Khali: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAURGHRGRGHRURAAAAAAH!
Councilor: Hmmm, I don't think we offer that language. Would you like to take Spanish instead?

[chrisat928]

Pre-med final exam.

Teacher: Oh good, the bodies been delivered. Ok students, watch closely as I make the first incision.

The body sits up.

Undertaker: What the fuck!?! Can't a guy take a nap around here without some one stabbing him with a scalpel?

*Teacher falls over clutching his chest.*

[Anybody Thrilla]

ADMISSIONS OFFICER: :nono:

EUGENE: :'(

[rob11]

This has probably been done and it quite old but...

Kids are taking a tour of the student center.

Tour Guide: As you can see, we have a computer center for any students for research and word processing with high speed internet......

*Brock Lesnar bursts into the room*
INTERNET!!!!!!
*F5's the tour guide into the computers.

[FourFifty]

Since it seems ever oner has their own goddamn "VINCE'S LIMO" or "DRAFT!!!" thread, here's mine...


VINCE'S LIMO: WHAT REALLY HAPPENED!

[FourFifty]

Spoiler warning, by the way

[FourFifty]

<I>*Vince goes into his limo*</I>
<b>Vince:</b> Oh Noes! There’s a bomb in the seat! All I need to do is get up and leave my limo and I’ll be safe and not blown up!… HMMMMMM! Uhhhhhh! Damn it! I can’t get up, why can’t I get up!!!!

<I>*Meanwhile, in Orlando, FL*</I>
<b>Rhino:</b> Has anyone seen my <strike>dated captioning reference</strike> glue?
<B>Kurt Angle:</b> ........:shifty:..........no.

[Vastardikai]

Vince: And here's what I think of your cookies...

*Let's a massive fart rip.*

Vince: hahahaha!

*Vince Lights his cigar.... BOOOM!* (another obscure reference, this time featuring a former Hollywood Squares regular.)

[rob11]

*Seconds before Vince walked out of the arena*

Vince:You will never see this stapler again Milton!

[Theo Dious]

*Vince opens the door*

What the hell?! Linda? SEAN O'HAIRE?

*Vince's head explodes*

[rob11]

*Vince opens the door*

What the hell?! Linda? SEAN O'HAIRE?

*Vince's head explodes*
vBulletin Message
You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to DarthTedious again.
:lol:
Thanks for the wakeup laugh.

[starfox8500]

*Vince playing guitar hero*
I'll get 5 stars on Psychobilly Freakout...
Even if it kills me!
*BOOM*

[PorkSoda]

*Kane enters the ring. He does his pyro thing. Nothing happenes.*

*Kane does it again. Nothing happens.*

Pyro guy: Whats happening?

Pyro guy2: FUck......we left the pyro in Vince's limo.

[Xero]

*Limo explodes*

Jamie: So, were the results conclusive?

Adam: Well, we did blow up the limo, and Buster completely disintegrated in the explosion. So I would have to say that it's plausible.

Jamie: Yeah, I'd have to- wait a minute... Buster's over there... That must mean...

Adam: .........Oh shit...

[Shadow]

Vince enters his limo

Vince: Now get me the hell outta here Diver...and what the hell is this? A bulldog on my doors?

A very large and angry looking robot suddenly smashes through the limo and keeps going

Bonecrusher: BONECRUSHER HATE VINCE!

[FourFifty]

Due to a comment that Xero made in a thread about The Great Kahli....

PLAY BY PLAY TEAMS CALL PORN!!!!

[Xero]

(During "One Night in Chyna"...)

JR: BAHGAWD! I'VE NEVER SEEN SO MUCH SUCKING, BLOWING AND SLOBBERKNOCKERS IN MY LIFE KING!

King: ...puppies... PUPPIES... :'(

[FourFifty]

Cole: Well partner--
*KA-SMASH!!!!!*
JBL: Don't you ever call me "partner" during porn!

[Xero]

Don West: THIS *CRACK* IS *CRACK* SO *CRACK* BIZAAREEEEE*CRACK*EEEYYEESSSSSSS!

[El Fangel]

JR: Oh my gawd its a jackhammer into a atomic drop, and here comes the big splash.

[Xero]

Cole:AND A BIG RIGHT FIST BY-Oh no. OH NO! IT'S HEIDENREICH! OH MY GOD! HEIDENREICH IS COMING RIGHT FOR ME!!!

*Thump, thump*

Cole: NOooOOoooOOOOOOOOOOOO!

*THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP*

[FourFifty]

Brain: You know why there were only 220 mexicans at <strike>the Alamo</strike> this orgy?

Gorilla: Why?


Brain: They only had one car.

[Tb1]

King: Puppppppiiieeeesssssssssss! JR I haven't seen action like this since I wa...

JR: ...in my ass? Boom boom!

[Xero]

:rofl: Tb

[Theo Dious]

JBL: See Cole, I told you Hornswaggle had parents! There's the proof!

[Anybody Thrilla]

SCHIAVONE: This is the greatest blow job in history! Meanwhile, in other porn, Stacy Keibler, who used to perform here as Mrs. Hancock, is dyking it out with Mickie James. Psssh, that'll put dicks in hands. :roll:

[FourFifty]

Ya know, with all of the people getting in trouble (suspended or fired, or quit) I think this thread can be bumped again.

THE REAL REASON WHY ________ IS SUSPENDED/FIRED/QUIT!!!!

[FourFifty]

*Vince is at a desk in his office, playing with some wrestling toys, when Kennedy bursts in unannounced*

Kennedy: Hiya Vince! So about that bastard son angle, and I just wanted to thank you for the chance of a lifetime! There are a lot of fans who LOVE me, and a lot of them who hate me. However you look at it putting me in the main event scene is going to boost ratings and insure an ass every 18 inches! I could just see it now in my hometown of Greenbay when it’s announced that your bastard son is none other than MISTERRRRRRRR KENNEDYYYYY!!!!

Vince: GODDAMNIT KEN, Don’t you ever knock!?!?!? I was…. Uhhhh….. *Vince fumbles with the toys on his desk* ….doing a very important study on ring psychology! Now get the hell out of my office, right now! Don’t say anything, just leave!

Kennedy: …….KENNEDY!!!!!!!

Vince: :mad:

[Xero]

(A few years ago...)

Lita: Okay Matt, I used my account to order "the pills".

Matt: Thanks babe.

(6 to 8 weeks later...)

*Edge walks out his front door and trips over a package.*

Edge: Hmm, I don't remember ordering anything...

[FourFifty]

:lol: We need more posters like Xero.

[Vastardikai]

Vince: Ok, Booker, we had a brilliant idea for you.

Booker: Proceed, Vincent...

Vince: We're gonna put you in some chains and have you be lead to the ring by a white man. We can call you Kole.

Booker: :mad:

Vince: fine, then we'll give you a military gimmick. Best of all, we have a perfect name... G.I. Bro!!!

Booker: FUCK YOU, SUCKA! I QUIT!!! :foc:

[Xero]

*Vince opens his hotel room door*

Vince: Dammit, Linda, it's getting hectic. I don't think I can... LINDA?!

Linda: VINCE!?

Flair: WOO! WOO! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Vince: RIC!?!

Flair: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Linda: THIS ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!

Flair: WOOOOOOOO! WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Vince: LIKE HELL IT ISN'T! FLAIR, YOU'RE FIRED!

Flair: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[FourFifty]

<i>*October 1997....*</i>

Bret: Hey Vince, Fifty bucks says you can't make a storyline last 10 years!

[Nowhere Man]

Vince: I'm sorry, Ultimo Dragon, but after debuting your new gimmick at Mania 20, the 'Shockmaster 2.0' just isn't catching on.

[rob11]

Cryme Tyme walks into Vince's office...

Cryme Tyme: Vince, we are a bit concerned, and have made a powerpoint presentation to show why. (One talks while the other presses enter)
As you can tell by this chart, ratings are down with Cena as champ, and various interviews with fans paint a clear picture that they are bored with... ok, well, it was nice working here, last paycheck get mailed?

[Theo Dious]

Coachman: Damn you Umaga, he said GRAPEFRUITS, not COCONUTS!
Vince: Someone get me a reconstructive urologist!!!

[Nowhere Man]

Vince: Hey Benoit, I've got a great idea for ECW! Why don't you go into a program with Big Daddy V?

Benoit: ....mind if I go home first? Y'know, just hang around for a bit?

[FourFifty]

^
I no longer feel bad about the 9/11 comment I made in the Sandman got fired thread.

[Anybody Thrilla]

That comment wasn't all that offensive. Don't flatter yourself.

[Xero]

News Anchor: We have breaking news. An American Airlines plane had to make an emergency landing because wrestling superstar, Nick "Eugene" Dinsmore, defecated in his pants and started throwing it at passengers. He was escorted off the plane and released after he apparently told detectives - and this is a direct quote -

"I was told by Vince McMahon to act retarded, and then he said 'I don't care how you do it, you can throw your shit at other people for all I care'."

Vince McMahon reportedly fired Eugene on the spot.

[FourFifty]

<b>Booker:</b> You have summoned me into your office, Vincent?

<b>Vince:</b> Drop the King Booker shtick, okay?

<b>Booker:</b> ….Thanks Vince! I hate that King Booker crap! So, what’s up?

<b>Vince:</b> Listen, we’re trying to book Hulk Hogan at WrestleMania 24, and there seems to be a problem….

<b>Booker:</b> You need someone to step in the ring with him? It’d be an honor!

<b>Vince:</b> No… It seems you said something that offended him, which is making him ask for more money, or your suspension.

<b>Booker:</b> WHAT?

<b>Vince:</b> Just watch the video…..

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/hvrOuSQI8pQ"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/hvrOuSQI8pQ" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>

<b>Booker:</b> ……You’re joking, right?

<b>Vince:</b> You called him the N word six times, and that’s a 10 day suspension per use of the word! I will not tolerate that sort of hate in my company!

<b>Booker:</b> …..Shhhhit.

[Nowhere Man]

Vince: Jesus, Paul, what the hell is this you've written here?!

Paul Heyman: It's called a "wrestling show," Vince.

[FourFifty]

With all due Respect to Corky and everyone who has ever submited a post to this thread, I am here by claiming this thread as my own, for I believe I'm the only one who has bumped it in the past few months. Why am I saying this? Because there's a new topic.


MATT BOONE: THE BOOKER

And step up your game, because now it's for 1000 points!

[Innovator]

HOLY BUMP BATMAN

HOW JEFF HARDY GOT HIS RECENT PUSH

[Inadequacy]

Jeff: So the clay gets really hot, and since you're not burning it theres no smoke or smell or anything, you just get this vapor, that's why they call it a vaporizer.

Randy Orton: Sweet, I gotta show this to Hunter

*In HHH's office*

Randy: So yeah, Jeff pushed this on me and it's awesome. There's no smoke or smell, I forget what it's title is though. The only sucky thing is that since you can only use it with pipes you can't do any brainers.

HHH: Sweet, I gotta sho this to Vince

*In Vince's offive*

Vince: Yes son, what is it?

HHH: *Forgets why he's there* Uhm...Jeff Hardy...push...awesome...title...no-brainer

Vince: Well if you say so. Say, have you seen this neat vaporizer thing Jeff gave me?

HHH: Sounds cool, what does it do?

[Inadequacy]

that was so much better in my head

[Lock Jaw]

Vince: So from now on, no smoking Weed at our events either!

*Jeff Hardy's locker conveniently bursts open, pouring down bags of weed*

Vince: Oh-ho! What's this? Nice job, Jeff! It seems as if young Mr. Hardy here has been taking it on himself to confiscate as much contraband as he could... even before the policy! That's initiative!

Jeff Hardy: Uh, what?

[Xero]

Vince: Okay, we've been losing the druggies after RVD got busted with drugs and we need someone to bring back that demographic. Any suggestions?

Writer: Uh... How abou-

*Jeff Hardy bursts through the door, looks at the wall, unzips his fly and begins to pee*

Vince: ....

Jeff: Oh MAN did I have to go.................... These urinals look funky as hell...

*Jeff looks back around*

Jeff: .....this isn't the men's room...

Vince: ....I think we have our next token druggie!

[FourFifty]

<i>*Vince is at home, playing with his granddaghter*</i>

Vince: Who's going to be the women's champ in a few years? You are! On yes you are! Oggoggoogo you are!

*Suddenly a masked man with a gun in one hand and a bomb strapped to his chest rushes in the room. He points the gun at the little girl*

Vince: Holy Crap! Please don't kill her! I'll do anything! Just put the gun away and I leave I promise I'll do anything!

Man: PUSH JEFF HARDY TO THE MAIN EVENT, RIGHT FUCKIN' NOW!!!!

Vince: Done! Now please, leave! I beg of you!

*The masked man leaves, and pulls out a cell phone...*

Man: Hey 'Noid, it's me, Shadow. First you make sure Val Venis never fired and now Jeff Hardy is going to the main event! It worked! I didn't believe you at first! Someone has to call FourFifty so he can do this to get Vince to resign Goldust! Yea, the fake bomb was a nice touch.... Yours wasn't fake?

[El Fangel]

*Vince Enters Lockroom*

Vince: Jeff what are you doing?

*Jeff Turns Toward Vince*

Jeff Hardy: Nothing

Vince: Why are you in here alone, your match for the world title is about to start.

Jeff Hardy: Ill be out in a minute

Vince: Well Hurry up, and leave RVD's Locker alone, we haven't had a chance to clean it since he got fired.

Jeff Hardy: <i>No Shit</i> Yeah, Im almost ready.

*Vince Leaves and Jeff Hardy Turns to RVD's Locker*

Jeff Hardy: What the fuck was that combination, left 4, right 20.... FUCK THERE IS MY MUSIC AGAIN!

[Corkscrewed]

how's that explain how Jeff got his push?

[starfox8500]

*Jeff is on his bike which he hasn't rode in 20 years.*

Jeff: Matt, I need a push!

:shifty:

[FourFifty]

*Jeff is on his bike which he hasn't rode in 20 years.*

Jeff: Matt, I need a push!

:shifty:

*Rimshot!*

[loopydate]

MATT: Hey, Jeff, I have a couple of questions before we go out there tonight.

JEFF: Shoot.

MATT: Okay, first off, didn't you used to wear green bodypaint instead of this weird milky white stuff?

JEFF: ...yeah...

MATT: And why do you have to go into Vince's office before each match to get it applied?

JEFF: ...

MATT: And why do you always take in a DVD copy of The Best Of The Great Khali?






JEFF: ...and who are YOU fighting at Armageddon?

MATT: ...can I borrow your Blockbuster card?

[FourFifty]

*The week before Raw XV*

Vince: God damn it! I'm sick of hearing about all this Chris Benoit stuff! I need to get this off my mind!... Hey you, what should we put on the Raw XV show?

MVP: A tribute to all the wrestlers who have died in the past 15 years. Eddie, Owen, Freddie Blassie, Crush, Big Bossman, Chris Benoit....

Vince:...you are so jobbing to Rey at the next PPV!... You! What should we put on Raw XV?


Kane: A tribute to submissions moves. We've seen some great ones. Ken Shamrock's Ankle Lock, Bret Hart's Sharp Shooter, Chris Jericho's Walls of Jericho, Chris Benoit's Crippler Crossface....

Vince: YOU'RE FIRED!!!

Kane: STFU!!!

Vince: Well, since you think John Cena should be put on that, you're not fired...

Kane: :shifty: yea....

Vince: You! Is there any superstar you'd like to see?

Jeff Hardy: ...Who?

Vince: Ah, The Anvil! Good thinking kid!

Jeff Hardy: ......I am so wasted...

Vince: Well I don't want any of my prized fellow Benoit Denying wrestlers to feel like that. You get a match with HHH!!!!

Sean O'Haire: Doesn't he already have a match with him?

Vince: BACK IN YOUR CAGE!!!!

[Mr. Nerfect]

Vince: Damn, that Matt Hardy is still over. Why do the fans like him so much? I wish there was some way to get rid of him. Did Pat Patterson manage to convince Matt Hardy he was a woman, get him to sleep with him and then cheat on him with Sylvan? Because that would give me grounds to fire him.

Gerald Briscoe: No, sir, I'm sorry, Matt didn't fall for Patterson's disguise. And we fired Sylvan.

Vince: I don't know why it didn't work. Patterson is no saggier than Lita in some areas.

Damn it, if I can't fire him, I need him to get some kind of injury, or some form of illness. A lethal dose of poiiiiiiiisonn...

Jeff: :shifty:

*Back in Cameron, North Carolina, Matt Hardy sits at the dinner table, as Jeff Hardy (in chef apron and hat) removes an oozing puffer fish from the microwave*

Jeff: No, honestly, Matt, I've been taking chiri preparation courses. Try some.

Matt: I'm not sure, Jeff. Inproper consumption of the Tetraodontidae can cause poisoning.

Jeff: Come on, dude, try some. Shannon Moore did.

Matt: So it'll make my penis drop off?

*Matt and Jeff laugh*

Jeff: Won't that be good considering your luck with the ladies?

Matt: :mad:

...By the way, where is Shannon?

*Cut to crow landing on a grave marked '<s>Shannon Moore</s>' in The Hardys' backyard.*

Jeff: I promise it's fine, dude.

Matt: Alright, I'll try some. For you, brother...

*Matt eats Jeff's food*

Matt: Ow...my appendix. :-\

Jeff: :D

*Back in Stanford*

Vince: Congratulations, Jeff, we've decided to push you.

*Jeff, still in cooking gear, throws chef's hat into the air.*

*Three weeks later*

Steph: Jeff, we've decided that you need to cut your hair. You seen, my husband has long hair, and we don't want people to get confused.

Jeff: But I've had this hair for years, it's rainbow-coloured, and I've just had a feud with Triple H, which pretty clearly distinguishes me from him.

Steph: Don't throw away the job of a lifetime, you Indian cunt! :rant:

Jeff: :|

*Jeff consumes puffer fish in an attempt to get out of performing...he begins to trip out*

Jeff: Dude, why didn't I think of this before...

[Indifferent Clox]

Jeff:....
Hunter: oh yeah...

[Indifferent Clox]

(you see, He's giving triple h head)

[Innovator]

BUMPITY BUMP

THE MEETING BETWEEN VINCE AND JEFF ON MONDAY BEFORE JEFF GETS SUSPENDED

[Xero]

Vince: You have to understand that what you're doing and what you've done is extremely unprofessional. I've given you chance after chance after chance and all you do is shit all over me.

Jeff:
http://i41.photobucket.com/albums/e300/pickfordhippie/myspace%20stuff/9b8d674a878bb1f9eac2f594041fd7dc.gif

Vince: You seem to think you don't have a problem. Well, I, as well as the rest of the talent believe that you've done more to hurt yourself than anything else.

Jeff:
http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f267/llouiss/psychedelic/649193981_m.gif

Vince: Jeff, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to give you an ultimatum: Either go into rehab or you're fired.

Jeff:
http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z153/kylejbaker/psychedelic_moon.gif

Vince: JEFF! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME!?

Jeff: Huh? Of... Of course I am, giant banana dude...

Vince: GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!

[KYR]

Vince: Jeff, I have the results of your recent drug test.
Jeff: Cool, hit me.
Vince: Well, it appears as though they’ve found coke, smack and meth.
Jeff: Cool, can I have some of that then.
Vince: No. You don’t seem to understand. You know those urine tests we give you, well we use those to determine if you’ve been abusing any substances.
Jeff: Dude, so you’re telling me that whatever I take comes out in my pee?
Vince: Well, yeah.
Jeff: Cool.
Vince: Look Jeff. We’ve built an entire marketing campaign around your push and I don’t want to see my investment go down the toilet.
Jeff: Is that my pee in that jar over there?
Vince: Goddamit Jeff listen to me. We can cover this up and not leak it out.
Jeff: This jar?
Vince: Jeff, will you forget about that piss for just a minute. Look. We can do what we did with Orton and…Wait, Jeff, what are you doing…no leave that jar alone…Don’t unscrew the lid…eeeeyewwww. Gross Jeff.
Jeff: Cheers!

[Lock Jaw]

Vince: So from now on, no smoking Weed at our events either!

*Jeff Hardy's locker conveniently bursts open, pouring down bags of weed*

Vince: Oh-ho! What's this? Nice job, Jeff! It seems as if young Mr. Hardy here has been taking it on himself to confiscate as much contraband as he could... even before the policy! That's initiative!

Jeff Hardy: Uh, what?

PART 2

*Vince walks by Hardy's locker, which again conveniently bursts open, pouring down bags of weed*

Vince: WHAT'S THIS?! JEFF, You're SUUUUUUUSSSSSPENNNNNDED!

Jeff Hardy: No, dude, don't you remember, you said-

Vince: Dammit Jeff, you know full well I can't remember that far back!

[Impact!]

Vince: Jeff, it seems as of recently you've been out popping my son

Jeff: Shane

Vince: Who the fucks that? I meant Hunter...Anyway you're suspended

[FourFifty]

Vince: As you know Jeff, we've recently signed a multi-year deal with the Make-A-Wish foundation, and one sick little boy has a very special wish that involves you.

Jeff: Anything for the fans Vince. I'll do it.

Vince: Okay, You'e suspended.

Jeff: What the fuck!?!?!?!

Bizarro Shadow: :D

[PorkSoda]

Vince: You will win the world title at Wrestlemania over Triple H.

Jeff: :yes:

Stephanie walks in.

Stephanie: :wave:

Jeff: :drool:

Stephanie: :wtf:

Jeff: :kiss:

Vince: :mad::mad::mad:

[KYR]

http://www.citypaper.net/blogs/clog/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/towelie.png

[Shadow]

Vince: As you know Jeff, we've recently signed a multi-year deal with the Make-A-Wish foundation, and one sick little boy has a very special wish that involves you.

Jeff: Anything for the fans Vince. I'll do it.

Vince: Okay, You'e suspended.

Jeff: What the fuck!?!?!?!

Bizarro Shadow: :D

Ahh yes...Bizarro Shadow. A clean cut, all american kid who doesn't do drugs, doesn't hit on women, has a job with a prestigious lawyer firm, a hawt wife, and 2 kids who are perfect.

HOW I LOATH HIM! I SHALL DESTORY HIM AND ALL HE STANDS FOR!

[FourFifty]

Ahh yes...Bizarro Shadow. A clean cut, all american kid who doesn't do drugs, doesn't hit on women, has a job with a prestigious lawyer firm, a hawt wife, and 2 kids who are perfect.

HOW I LOATH HIM! I SHALL DESTORY HIM AND ALL HE STANDS FOR!

But the question I'd like to know is does Bizarro Shadow eat babies?

[Mr. Nerfect]

I'm going to do this in the form of that classic poster that was either a genius...or retarded. Let's hope I succeed:

Vince: Jeff, you're suspended.

Jeff: Oh...please don't do that, Vince.

Vince: I'm sorry Jeff, you failed the drug test.

Jeff: :(

[Mr. Nerfect]

Ah well, at least Jeff has a home to go back to. :shifty:

[FourFifty]

Hey, look over there! It's a new subject!

FAILED WRESTLING BIOGRAPHIES

[Impact!]

Festus: ...

[Vastardikai]

Jeff Hardy: Living Sober.

[Xero]

Screwed - The Stephanie McMahon Story

[KYR]

Screwed - The Stephanie McMahon Story

Forward by Randy Savage?

[PorkSoda]

If They Only Knew - Chyna.

[Impact!]

John Bradshaw Layfield: From APA to AA

[DeanStamford]

Mae Young - Where did I put that hand? :shifty::wtf::eek:

[Skippord]

Kofi Kingston - Uno, Dos, Adios