GAME: Wrestling Scenes from a Hat

[rob11]

this isnt really a chant but it would be interesting. everyone in the arena farts loudly at once.

[James Steele]

We Miss Steph! We Miss Steph! We Miss Steph!

or

Go Away Holly! *Clap Clap* Go Away Holly! *Clap Clap*

or

(To Vince McMahon) Genetic Jackhammer *Stomp Stomp Stomp* Genetic Jackhammer *Stomp Stomp Stomp*

or

Great Writing *5x Claps* Great Writing *5x Claps*

[Shadow]

Go Away Holly! *Clap Clap* Go Away Holly! *Clap Clap*

That's something I'd actually chant though.

[Xero]

(At JBL)
Five more months! Five more months! Five more months!

[Drakul]

Mark Out! Mark Out! Mark Out!

[Innovator]

BUCK UP ARQUETTE BUCK UP!

[Xero]

(At the Undertaker)
UNDER-QUAKER! **Clap clap clap clap clap** UNDER-QUAKER! **Clap clap clap clap clap**

:shifty:

[CYCLOPTERSAURUS]

I want to hear each person in the entire audience try to emulate the sounds made by a large audience. Imagine each person in a huge audience going "haaaaaaaaaaaaaaah".

[Gone Mad]

WHERES THE BEEF? WHERE'S THE BEEF? WHERE'S THE.. Oh, there it is! **everyone eats beef**

[Transplant]

WE GOT HERPES

[Xero]

(At Triple H)

SPIT! SPIT! SPIT! SPIT!

**Triple H spits his water**

YEAAAHHHHH!

[FourFifty]

<font color=cyan>We won't chant! We won't chant! We won't chant!

[Corkscrewed]

1000 pts to Transplant.


Things you'll never see in wrestling.
(I hope I haven't done this one before)

[Shadow]

Jeff Hardy going clean over Jeff Jarret.

Of fuck that.

Jeff Jarret actually not using the cardboard guitar.

[Gone Mad]

HHH (grabs a mic): I'll make this quick... See ya later.. **leaves ring**

[The Icon of Elisim]

JR: Oh my, that was quite the inverted neckbreaker

[Xero]

**Triple H sells breaking his arm**
Smark: Shit! He actually sold!

[Jonster]

Kevin Nash in ring: I'm here to tell you......
*stop talking and starts looking around nervously*
Nash: ...Sorry, I'm suprised my quad hasn't torn yet, anyway...

[Xero]

King: Remember when Billy and Chuck were an item? Man that made me hot...

[Gone Mad]

JR: BAWGAWD! HHH has just lost the world title to a cruiserweight! Congratulations, [/insert cruiserweight jobber here] !

[LK]

JR: HHH TAPPED OUT! JERICHO IS THE WORLD CHAMP AFTER BEATING THE GAME WITH THE WALLS OF JERICHO!

[PorkSoda]

*Christian hits the Unprettier*

JR: Rock Bottom!

[Xero]

(In a backstage meeting)
Triple H: I have decided to give one person an 8 month title run! This is a six sided die, with a wrestler's name on each side... They are Chris Jericho, Chris Benoit, Rob Van Dam, Booker T, Rey Mysterio, and Randy Orton........

[Corkscrewed]

*Christian hits the Unprettier*

JR: Rock Bottom!

I'm sorry.... I said things that will NEVER happen. :D

[LK]

JR: BAW GAWD! A TECHNICAL WRESTLING MASTER CLASS BETWEEN JEFF HARDY AND SABU!

[FourFifty]

<font color=cyan><b>HHH:</b> ORTON!!!!!! uhhh, I mean, PATTERSON!!!! GET YOUR ASS-UHHHHH OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!!!! <i>*Patterson comes to the ring*</i> Ya know dude, you're right.

[FourFifty]

<font color=cyan><b>Vince:</b> On Taboo Tuseday, we gave the fans what they wanted, and now, I'm going to persoanlly give the fans what they want. I would like to announce my replacement, as I am going to quit tonight. The NEW CEO of WWE.... My Son!!!!
<b>HHH:</b> Awww, thanks pops!
<b>Vince:</b> Not you, Shane!

[Transplant]

"...and New Jack with a nice arm drag..."

[Impact!]

... and after a great elimination chamber the winner and new wwe champion, after defeating, the undertaker,kurt angle,JBL,big show and HHH... Funaki

[Xero]

(Vince is in the ring)

Vince: SHOW ME THE RESULTS OF THE POLL!

(Screen shows Triple H at 50%, RVD at 0%, Jericho at 0%, and Stephanie at 50%)

Vince: Well, the fans have spoken... And it's a tie! Triple H! Stephanie! YOU'RE FIRED!

(In the back, security is pushing them out the door)

Triple H: WTF!? IT'S A STORYLINE! GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!

Shane: Sorry guys, it's real... All my idea, too! Hope ya like TNA!

Triple H: WHAT!? NOOOOO!

Stephanie: YOU ASSHOLE!

[Azriel]

Undertaker (to random jobber): I am the Undertaker and at the next PPV I will job to you.

[Xero]

Bradshaw: I am sorry for what I did in Germany... I will never do it again, I am very sorry...... VINCE TOLD ME TO DO IT! SUE HIM! **Runs away from the ring**

[El Santo]

JR: "What a slobberknocker of a match! Up next: it's Trish Stratus vs. Victoria in a Lingerie Match."

Lawler: "...."

JR: "... er, King, aren't you supposed to say something?"

Lawler: "Huh? Well, it'll no doubt be a great match, as both women a truly classy athletes. I only wish they could be placed in a match that set feminism back by thirty years.."

JR: "... What about, you know..."

Lawler: "... what?"

JR: "You know, puppies."

Lawler: "... You're a sick old fart, JR."

[loopydate]

JR: Bah Gawd, it's Hulk Hogan! Hulk Hogan has just entered through the crowd! He's laid out Triple H with the World Title! Bah Gawd, I can't believe it! Wait... He's going up top! 630! 630! Hulk Hogan just hit the 630 on Triple H!

[rob11]

HHH challenges anyone to a title match
lenny lane comes out of the stands with a chair

JR:BY GAWD BY GAWD LENNY LANE HITS HHH WITH THE CHAIR. 1..2..3! THE WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION! LENNY LANE!

[Xero]

(Triple H enters the ring...)
Triple H: My promos are boring as hell... So, instead of me wasting 15 minuites of your time, I will step aside for the following match: Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit in a submission match!

[Nowhere Man]

"....Heidenreich hits the 450!!!!"

[Xero]

HBK: Triple H, you're going straight to HELL! I mean heck! HECK! DAMNIT! OOPS! SHIT! DAMNIT! OOPS!
JR: BAHGAWDHERECOMESGOD!

[Disturbed316]

Brock Lesnar landing a Shooting Star :o

[FourFifty]

<font color=cyan><b>Paul London:</b> See me in the new SmackDown video game!

[Xero]

Michael Cole: Welcome to the first ever All-Cruiserweight PPV!

[Anybody Thrilla]

SNITSKY: IT IS...MY...FAULT!

[Xero]

Triple H: ORTON! I'm gonna get... Get......... LINE!

[SuperSlim]

fan: Hey did you catch that Flair match?

fan #2: That wasn't Flair. There wasn't a flop or a chop in that match at all.

[thecc]

RVD: Dude i just realized pot isn't cool cuz im rob van.... wait this doesnt feel right.

[Xero]

(Flashback to Survivor Series 2001)

JR: BAHGAWD THE ALLIANCE HAS BEATEN THE WWF!

[Gone Mad]

HHH: No thank you, Vince. I don't want to control the future of WWE. I just got to this point because I slept with your skank daughter, not because of talent. Shane should get full control. Come here, big guy! **hugs Shane**

Vince: Yes, you are right! HHH? YOU'RE FIRED!! Oh, and Jericho will now be the World Champ.. forever!

Jericho: WHOO-HO!

[FourFifty]

<font color=cyan><b>Brock Lesnar:</b> You know, I like what these guys say about me on the internet. Let's bump this thread!

[Xero]

Goldberg: No Vince, that's a great id... Hey! I can talk normally! I can't beraarwagrer... RAARARG!

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>HHH: "Sure Chris, I'll let you hold the belt for a while..."</font>

[FourFifty]

<font color=cyan><b>CCC:</b> You're not cool. You know what's cool? Billy Gunn. Now he's cool.
<b>HHH:</b> You do have a good point about me not being cool.

[Xero]

I don't want to lose this. :(

(In the year 2160, in the WWSFLUJHSE. [WWE's new name])

(A random fan walks up to Shane McMahon IV.)

Random Fan: Hi Mr. McMahon. I was wondering how you thought of Triple H, who was around for half of the 21st century in the, then, WWE.

Shane McMahon IV: Who?

Random Fan: You know, the guy who held the title 35 times? One time for 8 years? The guy who was in something called DX? The guy who...

Shane: OHHHH! I remember now! My great grandfather bought the company off him on his death bed! Yeah! He always said he was an asshole. We don't talk about him.

Fan: No? He was such a big part of your company.

Shane: Yeah, that's why we had to fiddle with the record books to have him striken from the records. You know all those title reigns? We've distributed them among Chris Jericho, Chris Benoit, Booker T, Rob Van Dam, and Kurt Angle.

[Corkscrewed]

Interesting/entertaining ways of getting back at Hardcore Holly

[Xero]

(Hardcore Holly wakes up at his house.)

Hardcore: Where am I? How did I get home?

(Hardcore looks down to see his arm cut off.)

Hardcore: AHH! OH MY GOD! WHERE'S MY ARM!? OH MY GOD!!!

(Hardcore finds a note on his night stand.)

Letter:

Dear Hardcore,

I know you didn't mean to break my arm, but I'm the US champion, so I had to use yours for a while. Don't worry, I'll give it back. Cause that's cool.

From,
Carlito Caribbean Cool

(Hardcore just stares at his arm and passes out.)

[FourFifty]

<font color=cyan><b>Al Snow:</b> Aside from the $1,000,000 prize, the Tough Enough winner will get a tag team title shot with Hardcore Holly!

[Xero]

(Heidenreich walks up to Hardcore.)

John: Hey Hard... *Goldust breath* Core. How ya doin?

Hardcore: Fine...

John: Hey Bob, your shoe's untied!

Hardcore: Oh, thanks.

(Hardcore bends over, the camera pans away, and "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" starts to play.)

Hardcore: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[Gone Mad]

Hardcore Holly: Ok, so if I go here, there will be more lil' jobbers? Oh... I need a towel, uh.. OK, I'll do it, Vince!

*An hour later at the old Tough Enough Gym..*
Holly: Hey! Anyone of your [/offensive dumbass talk] here, asshole bitches?! ....GUH????
Brock (reading note): ".. there will be internet smark spoiler people there..." ....KILL!!!
Holly: Oh, CRAP! **** NECK'D !!!! ****

Carlito (removes Vince mask): Now, THAT'S cool.

[Corkscrewed]

1000 pts to Xero Limit. Again. :lol:

If the WWE was a talk show...

[Impact!]

on the set of late night with Stone Cold Steve Austin

Austin: "so are there any woman in the crowd"

[Xero]

Triple H: Everyone welcome my next guest! He is... *Reads the card* CHRIS JERICHO!

(Crowd cheers.)

Triple H: CHRIS JERICHO!?

Jericho: Hello my peop-

Triple H: SHUT UP! VINCE! WHAT THE FUCK!?

(Triple H walks to the back.)

(Jericho just sits there for ten minuites. Triple H comes back.)

Triple H: Okay, okay, I've worked it out. Sorry Chris, you were never supposed to be our guest. Get out. *Boots Jericho off the set.* And now, our REAL guest......... *Reads card* CHYNA!?!?!?!

[Gone Mad]

****IT'S LATE LATE SHOW WITH RIC FLAIR! W/ THE DEACON BATISTA SUNSHINE FLOWER GANG BAND! AND NOW HERE'S YOUR HOST..BAWGAWD.... IT'S RRRRRIIIICCC FFFLLLLLAAAIIRR!! ****

(crowd cheers and woos)
Ric: WOO! Thank you, thank you! How bout them insider terms? **rim shot** But, serisously... BRET! YOU NO-TALENT HASBEEN! YOU WHINE AND CRY WHILE I WHEEL AND DEAL! WOO! I TELLYA TEHLAPAHIALHPAPALAK WWOOOOOO!!!! **flops** ......................

(crowd cheers... until they realize he hasn't moved yet.)
HHH: We'll be right back.. ORTON!

end.

[Corkscrewed]

Hilariously stupid ways to run in/interfere in a match.

[Xero]

*Big Show trips over a chair in the gorilla position and rolls down the ramp.*

JR: BAHGAWDIT'STHEBIGSHOW!

*Big Show lands on Triple H and Jericho covers him.*

JR: BAHGAWDNEWCHAMP!

Vince and Hunter: FUCK!

Big Show: Heh... Heh... *Snort* Did I do that!?

[PorkSoda]

Suddenly, in a Triple H/Benoit match, Randy Orton jumps up from underneath the ring.

Orton: OH YEAAAAAH!

RKO to HHH and runs away.

[juanker]

Eugene enters on a donkey

JR: BAHGAWDIT'SJESUS

King: I think its Eugene JR

Eugene hits a stunner

JR: BAHGAWDSTUNNERJESUS!!JESUS!!JUSUS!!STUNNER

[loopydate]

JR: Bah Gawd, Triple H just hit Orton with a chair! Damn him! He's going for the cover...

KING: But the referee's out cold, JR!

JR: HERE COMES (reads prompter) Rhy-no?

KING: Look out, Triple H!

JR: Rhuno just hit Triple H with the (reads prompter) Go-re? And now he's...what is he doing, King?

KING: He's...pulling his singlet down.

JR: BAH GAWD! SOME JOBBER JUST DEFECATED ON THE GAME! DAMN HIM! DAMN HIS IRRITABLE BOWELS!

[Xero]

*During a Triple H match, Papa Shango comes out to the ramp holding a doll.*

JR: BAHGAWD! WHAT'S PAPA SHANGO DOING HERE!? AND WHAT'S HE GOT!?

King: I think... I think that's a crudely made Triple H doll!

JR: What's he doing? BAHGAWD! HE'S CRACKING THE LEG!

*Triple H's leg buckels under him.*

Triple H: GAH! MY QUAD!

[Mr. Nerfect]

JR: BAHGAWD IT's ROCKABILLY!!!!!!

King: He's been called Billy Gunn for years JR, and what's he doing back on RAW after not doing anything important for the last few years?

JR: Maybe he signed a five-year contract King?

King: :shifty:

JR: BAH GAWD! CHUCK!!!!!!

King: Billy.

JR: BADDASSOUTLAWJESSEJAMESROADDOGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

King: Road...Dogg. Puppies!

JR: Bah Gawd Bart....

King: Billy.

JR: ...Gunn is running to the ring. BAHGAWD HE JUST SQUASHED A FAN IN THE FRONT ROW AFTER SLIDING THROUGH THE RING AND GOING INTO THE CROWD FROM THE OTHER SIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHAT A DDT KING!!!!!!!!!!! He flattened her like a government mule!

King: I hope her puppies are OK!

[FourFifty]

<font color=cyan>*SmackDown!*
<u>*HHH vs Haywood Jablowme*</u>

<b>Cole:</b> And I believe that move is called the pedigree.
<b>HHH:</b> Yes! I am the greatest wrestler, ever!
<b>Tazz:</b> That's debateable.
<b>HHH:</b> Now before I pin this jobber, I would just like to say that ECW sucked!
<b>Tazz:</b> WTF DID HE JUST SAY!?!?!?
<b>Cole:</b> Tazz, calm down.
<b>Tazz:</b> ..................
<b>Cole:</b> Well, it's good to see you calmed down.
<b>Taz:</b><font color=red> I didn't fuckin' calm down!</font color=red>
<i>*Taz runs in the ring, chokes HHH out with the Tazmission*</i>
<b>Cole:</b> Modified sleeper!

[Drakul]

actually that would be a great way to promote the new ECW DVD

[big_bluto]

HHH v Eugene in a falls count anywhere match, live on RAW.

HHH and Eugene are punching the crap out of each other backstage, and the camera man is running to keep up.
The camera leads the 2 fighting into Bischoff's office where he is ':naughty: entertaining himself:naughty: ' if you know what I mean.
The camera man quickly backs out, and get's bumped by HHH's big nose, and spins around, losing his balance, accidentally showing Vince, Stephanie, Shane and Linda McMahon sitting in the background eating a McDonalds.:wtf:
The camera man quickly spins around and hits HHH on the back of the head with the camera, and he is out cold. As he falls he hits Eugene a right sore one, and an unconscious Eugene lands on top of him.
The ref has no choice but to count him 1.......2......3:rofl:

Incidentally the no-one cuts the live feed, and the last thing seen is Eric Bischoff walking towards the McMahons telling them he could only find a little mayo for them.:shifty:

[Gone Mad]

HHH v. HBK vol. 2,435,700

**HHH places HBK in Pedigree**
JR: BAWGAWD! INVERTED CHOKESLAM BY AUSTIN! NEARLYTOREIMINHALF!
King: ...... :shifty: ..oh, yeah,um, "PUPPIES!"... HEY, WHO'S THAT?!
JR: BAWGAWD! IS THE ONLY WORD I KNOW.. OH, IT'S JEFF HARDY!!!
**Jeff, facepaint and all, runs to the ring... stops.. **
HHH: HEY! Did you job to me, already!?
Jeff: :wtf: ... **looks at Raw banner** ..oops! ...
**runs to back.. comes back with a table and ladder and jumps through it and leaves **
HHH/HBK: ......... ** they leave the ring and company to become Amish **

END.

[tucsonspeed6]

Batista and Flair walk backwards to the ring while HHH is getting beaten down in the middle of a match.

JR: "Thank god they're leaving."
King: "Huh?"

[Corkscrewed]

:lol:

Okay, how about 1000 pts for that? :D

If pro sports behaved like wrestling.
(yeah, it's sort of a rehash of an old one, but given recent events, I think we'll bring it back)

[PorkSoda]

Red Sox catcher Sandy Martinez tags out a player at home.
"Martinez 3:16 says I just tagged your ass!"

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>*A brawl erupts in the 2004 WS between the Yankees and Cardinals*

Joe Buck: This is chaotic!
Al Leiter: Hey wait, who is that long haired Yankee that just came in through the crowd? And why is he beating up his own teammates?
Joe Buck: No way, it can't be.....
Al Leiter: IT IS! IT'S JOHNNY DAMON GETTING REVENGE FOR THE RED SOX!
Joe Buck: BAH GAWD JKO TO JETER!!!</font>

[Corkscrewed]

:lol:


Lakers vs Heat game

Announcer: "Oh, and there's a hard foul by Kobe on Shaq... and oh no! Looks like they're about to go at it! Kobe's right in Shaq's face and... wait a moment, why are they smiling?? BAW GAWD Shaq just turned and LEVELED Dwayne Wade!!!! That sonofabitch! And Kobe with a clothesline to Odom, Butler, and Grant! It was a setup all along!!! Shaq with a chokeslam to Wade!!! Kobe with the SODOMIZER FROM HELL!!!! I can't believe my eyes!!!!!! Not this way! Not this way! And Shaq and Kobe raising each other's hands in the air! Look at this carnage!!!!

[Corkscrewed]

PA Announcer: "And starting at center... standing seven feet six inches tall... SHAWWWWWWN BRADLEY!!!!!!"
*Bradley runs down the lane then falls down*
Bradley: "AH MY QUAD!!"

[Gone Mad]

Artest (after just getting hit with cup of beer): Oh, you wanna fight with me, Mr. Blue Shirt! It's on for the title and in the steel cage.. TONIGHT, TONIGHT.. TO-NIGHT!!
**Ron jumps out of the court to beat up a random group of boy scouts**
Blue Shirt: Um, I threw the cu--
Friend next to him: Shh!
MARV ALBERT: HE'S ATTEMPTING PUNCHES AND MISSING ALL OF THEM! THOSE KIDS KNOW HOW TO SELL THAT ROCK BOTTOM. YYYYES!.. BAWGAWDSLOBBERKNOCKERNEARLYTORNINHALF!

[PorkSoda]

Corky, you can't double post :naughty: :cool:

Announcer: Well, after a year out of gamesight, Nomar Garciapara finally returns to bat for the Red Sox. He looks like he is ready. Here comes the opening pitch and Nomar sends a high fligher to the outfield...he runs to first base...wait a minute....oh my god! What just happened? Oh no, Nomar caught it too, Nomar caught the Kevin Nash syndrome!

[loopydate]

[Knock knock knock]

TORRE: Come in!

[Derek Jeter enters.]

TORRE: Oh, hi, Derek. What can I do for you?

JETER: Well, skip, I want to talk to you about Gary Sheffield for a minute.

TORRE: Shoot.

JETER: It's come to my attention that he's been getting really good reactions at home games lately. Some fans are even cheering louder for him than for me.

TORRE: Okay...

JETER: And he was an MVP finalist, and I wasn't! Everybody knows I'm the franchise here!

TORRE: Uh-huh...

JETER: So, we're set? He's batting ninth for the Double-A club next season? Thanks, Joe. You're the best.

[Corkscrewed]

If [insert WWE wrestler here] was Santa Claus

[Corkscrewed]

Flair: "Hello, little boy! What's your name and what do you want for Christmas?"
Boy: "My name is Mark and..."
Flair: "@#(*&_^#@%*@^#^&#(@*% insider terminology using !#@(%&)#@(&%(@*#&%!!!!!"
*collapses*

[PorkSoda]

Santa Claus: Roodalph, thats the last time I let you carry MY balls to their house! YOUUUUURRRRRRRRRRR FFFFFFFFFFIIIIIIIRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDD!
Blitzen: My god he just fired Roodaplh! Damn that Santa, damn him straight to hell!

[Xero]

Hunter Claus: And what would you like for Christmas little boy?
Boy: I'm always game for a little -
Hunter: YOU'RE NOT THE GAME! I AM! GET OFF MY LAP YOU LITTLE BITCH! *BOOT* NEXT!
(Jericho's son walks up.)
Hunter: And what's your name little boy?
Kid: Chris Jericho J -
(Hunter throws him off his lap and stands on him with one foot.)
Jericho: God damn it Hunter! Can't you be nice to my kid for once and not hold him down!?

[Anybody Thrilla]

(Holly Claus sits at his work station, checking his "NAUGHTY" and "NICE" lists. However, the words naughty and nice have been scratched out and replaced with the words "HAVE PAID DUES" and "HAS NOT PAID DUES". Oddly enough, the only name on the "HAVE PAID DUES" list is a certain Thurman "Sparky" Plugg. The "HAVE NOT PAID DUES" list consists of the rest of the world.)

HOLLY CLAUS: Damn, Christmas should be easy this year. I think I'll get myself a program with JBL.

(Enter a French Elf, who looks a little embarrassed.)

FRENCH ELF: Holly Claus, I'm really sorry, but I got a ticket in your sleigh. I'll pay it off if you w--

(Holly Claus flips his desk over on French Elf and begins to pummel him.)

[Transplant]

^^HAHA AT DUPREE

[juanker]

Gene Snitsky: Hello little boy, what would you like for Christmas
Boy: Well last year I asked for a bike but you never brought it and...
Snitsky: IT WASN'T MY FAULT

Punts little boy in to nearby carol singers

[PorkSoda]

Santa: (On phone with Mrs. Claus) WHADDYA MEAN I SENT THE PRESENTS TO THE WRONG HOUSE?
*Throws a hissy fit*

[Gone Mad]

**Parents waiting with kids in line for Santa**
Mom 1: Where is he?
** PEEPULATION UNITE! HERE'S CAPT. CHARISMA CLAUS! **
Xtian: Hey, kids! What you want for Xmas.. cuz you better tell someone that cares! **pounds chest ** What about you, kid?
Edge: You think you know what I want? You think you know?
Xtian: **writing in list** Right.. "talent and some personality".. gotcha!
Edge: ..You do know me..
end.

[Xero]

*Kid sits in Santa's lap*
Kid: Hi Santa!
Santa: BAHGAWDI'MSANTAWHATDOYOUWANT!?
Kid: What?
Santa: BAHGAWDWHATYOUWANTI'MSANTA! SONOFABITCH!
Kid: Wha?
Santa: BAHGAWD! BAHGAWD! BAHGAWD!
*The kid runs off.*
Kid: WAAA! SANTA'S SCARY MOMMY!
Santa: BAHGAWDWHAT'SWITHHIM!?
Elf: I think he wanted some PUPPIES!

[Doink]

santa santa i want a pet dog for christmas,

santa lawler - did you say puppies?

[loopydate]

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that St. Rattlesnake soon would be there
The workers were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of title shots danced in their heads
And Linda in her kerchief, and I in my cap
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap
When out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter
I sprung from the bed to see what was the matter
Away to the window I flew like a flash
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash
The moon on the breast (:lol: breast) of the new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a huge monster truck and eight tiny lite beers
With a big ol' bald driver, so drunken and peeved
I knew in a moment it must be St. Steve
More rapid than eagles his curses they came
And he whistled and shouted and sullied their names
"[Bleep] Hunter [Bleep] Michaels, that injury-faker
[Bleep] Angle [Bleep] Rocky, [Bleep] The Undertaker
[Drunken, incoherent rambling]
[Drunken, incoherent rambling]"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky
So up to the house-top the Bigfoot it flew
With the sleigh full of beers and St. Rattlesnake too
And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The pancing and pawing of size-13 hoofs
As I drew in my hand and was turning around
Down the chimney St. Rattlesnake came with a bound
He was dressed in camo, from his head to his foot
And his clothes were all tarnished with beer stains and soot
A thirty-pound keg he had slung on his back
And he looked just like I did when I fired Rodney Mack
His eyes -- they were beady! His breath was quite scary
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry
His droll little mouth was as pointed as a crow's
And the beard on his chin was as brown as Jean's nose
The lid of his can he held tight in his teeth
And the beer left a stain that looked quite like a wreath
He had a long face, and his boots were so smelly
They made my grapefruits shake like a bowl full of jelly

Uh... I'm going to quit now before it gets worse. Ah, hell, I'll just skip to the end.

But I heard him exclaim, as he Stunnered my jaw
"Happy Christmas to all, don't break the damned law!"

[Anybody Thrilla]

Right then. Nothing will top that.

[Innovator]

ok...can't top that

[Fignuts]

You must spread some reputation around before giving it to looppydate again. :y:

[BigDaddyCool]

Hmmm, I can find it, but I was going to post a picture of Bigshow from Jingle all the way.

[El Santo]

Dammmmmnnnn.

Good one, Loopy.

[Corkscrewed]

You must spread some reputation around before giving <s>it</s> 10,000,000 pts to loopydate again.

[Corkscrewed]

WWE Christmas Cards

[Doink]

YOUR FIRED!

happy christmas

send the family my love

Vinnie mac

[Gone Mad]

A Xmas HAIKU.. By Snitsky and Heidenreich
(picture on the card is Snit and Heiden standing close,punting a plastic baby Jesus doll)

Useless hosses, unnecessary pushes many
baby punting and gay poetry
thank the lord Vinnie Mac
still have job and not JOBBING
just ask Jericho,
receives HHH's title again in 2007.
Needs a title like Lita needs acting school.
poems are useless, just like talent
remember, JBL's champ til Levasque Jr.!
15 minutes almost up,
so happy christmas to all and to all...
SNI-HEIDEN-RICHSKY !

[juanker]

Front of Card: Mae Young Naked
Inside: Merry Christmas Y2J
love the McMahon family

[Xero]

Dear Hunter,

I know you hate me
I know you loathe me
But when you fuck with my push
You will not be happy

Have a merry Christmas,
Chris Jericho

PS: I have your's and Steph's sex tape, and TNA has agreed to show it on air at their next PPV. Merry Christmas!

[Corkscrewed]

*walks to a card stand and picks up a card*

"Here's wishing you one merry night in Chyna."

:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

*faints*

[loopydate]

From Vince
To Kane

Front Cover

I Still Remember

Inside

http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/k/kane/39.jpg (http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/k/kane/39.jpg)

[Transplant]

Front Cover: So I Bought You A Birthday Card Instead....

Inside: Well, ITS NOT MY FAULT!!!!

[Corkscrewed]

6500 pts for Christmas Kane! :love:

Not sure if we've done this before... I think we might, but it's worth doing again.
Rejected ways of pushing wrestlers.

[Corkscrewed]

I'll get the obvious one out of the way.


Writer 1: "I got it! We'll build the guy into a credible main event fighter by having him pick up several strong and clean wins and culminate with him beating the champion in a long, hard-fought two out of three falls match!!!"
Writer 2: "But he's Canadian."
Writer 1: "Oh, nevermind."

[Xero]

Vince: Who should we push next? We've pushed every talented wrestler on the roster.

JR: I know, who else is left?

Paul Heyman: I have an idea...

Vince: GET OUT!

Paul: But I just thought that Rob Va...

Vince: GET OUT!

Paul: But can I just...

JR and Vince: GET OUT!!!!

[loopydate]

VINCE: Okay, okay. I've got it! Paul?

LONDON: Yes, sir?

VINCE: Your new gimmick is...Bobby London!

LONDON: Uh...

VINCE: You'll wear a round little helmet and carry a baton, and you'll have Benny Hill music, and it'll be great!

LONDON: Uh...

VINCE: Because your name's London! Get it?

LONDON: Uh...

VINCE: Say something, or you'll be back to getting dropped on your head on Velocity.

LONDON: It's bloody brilliant! [Under his breath] Wanker.

VINCE: I didn't catch that last part.

LONDON: Uh... I said "thank you."

[Corkscrewed]

:rofl:

[Xero]

Jericho: You wanted to see me Mr. McMahon?

Vince: Hmmm... You're perfect! We'll give you the ULTIMATE gimmick! First we'll have you marry Stephanie! Then, have you take over RAW by making everyone lose to you in humiliating ways! Then, THEN comes the good part! You'll bounce the World title around to every main eventer on RAW, only to win it back within the month and crush all their credibility!

Jericho: Wow! That sounds great!

Vince: Then... THEN...

(Triple H whispers to Vince.)

Vince: Oh really... REALLY!? Oh, sorry Chris, never mind. (To Triple H) I thought that sounded familiar.

[Nowhere Man]

WWE Booking Team: (fall '01) Hey Vince, I think we've struck gold with this RVD fella. The fans love him! I say we take advantage of that and give him the Title!

Vince: ....... :lol: Ohhhh ho ho ho ho, that's a riot. Seriously, though, I told you to come up with a program for RVD, not joke around.

[Anybody Thrilla]

(Paul Heyman appears in the rafters at a taping of SmackDOWN! with dynamite strapped to his chest and a mic)

HEYMAN: ALL RIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, LISTEN UP! There's a wrestler who is about to come out here right now and attempt to ENTERTAIN YOU! He will probably FAIL TO DO SO, but you will all ACT LIKE YOU LOVE HIM, or I WILL BLOW THIS PLACE TO SMITHEREENS!

CROWD: :eek:

HEYMAN: All right, here he comes to ready you some poetry right now....he is....HEIDENREICH!

[juanker]

Writer: Let's push Steven Richards
Vince: No
Writer: Let's push Val Venis
Vince: No
Writer: Let's push William Regal
Vince: No
Writer: Let Triple H demolish everyone & destroy their credibility
Vince: I LOVE IT, IT'S NEW & HAS NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE, LET'S GO WITH IT

*Paul Heyman hangs himself with his tie because of shock*

[Gone Mad]

**After Undertaker "dies" again...**

Cole: What going on over by the Titantron..? Is that... an egg???
Tazz: Um.. I'm just gonna leave.. now.. **jumps through floor and digs his way out**
Cole: My God.. something's coming out....
**bells toll... lights turn off.. then on with a figure stand out of the egg..**
Cole: My GOD! THE UNDERTAKER IS BACK!! AND HE'S EXACTLY THE SAME AS BEFORE!...
**Taker looking around at stunned, silenced crowd... **
Taker: ... :shifty: .... **does the Charleston**..... **runs out of arena crying**...
Cole: Wow.. this just in, folks. This company is now bankrupt and the arena will now be demolished..
***WRECKING BALL THROUGH THE WALL **

[Corkscrewed]

What REALLY happened to Cena in that night club.

[Nervous Ferret]

Cena: Oww. Owww.
Micheal Cole: Ohh sorry. That was your ear wasn't it.

[loopydate]

AHMED JOHNSON: Yeah, so I was Intercontinental Champion. I was actually the first "People's Champion." Rocky Maivia stole that from me.

CENA: Uh, yeah... That's great, Ahmed. Listen, I'm going to go get another dr--

FAAROOQ ASAD CIRCA 1995: Time to finish what I started!

[Stab]

AHMED: Ha ha! You missed!

CENA: Ow.

[Xero]

Cena: Hmm... There's a steak knife here... I wonder... *Stabs self in the stomach* OW! Oh shit! THAT'S what I've been doing to people!? Damn! I belong in prison!

[PorkSoda]

Everyone in bar: HAHAHAHA! LOOK AT HIM! HAHAHAHA!

John Cena: (Laughing and pointing at Sid) HAHAHAHAHA!

Sid exits the bar and comes back a few minutes later with a squegee. Cena is shortly seen after taken onto a stretcher

[Xero]

Cena: So, Jim, how are things at the old announcing booth?

JR: BAHGAWDBAHGAWDBAHGAWDBAHGAWD...

Cena: Fascinating...

JR: BAHGAWDBAHGAWD...

(Five hours later...)

JR: BAHGAWDSONOFABITCHMAHTOEISINFECTEDBAHGAWD!

Cena: Somebody stab me... *STAB* OW!

[El Santo]

Cena and Carlito are at a bar.

Cena orders a Jack Daniels.

Carlito: Is that good?

Cena: I love Jack Daniels. I could drink it all night.

Carlito: Wouldn't it be ironic if you lost your kidneys because of the very thing you loved?

Cena: Yes. Yes it would.

Suddenly the CEO of Jack Daniels appears from under the table and stabs Cena in the kidney.

Carlito: I don't think that was quite as ironic.

Cena: Oh damn.... this is worse than that time in Tijuana. Wait a minute.... [checks scar on the other side of his abdomen] I'm screwed.

[loopydate]

CARLITO: Hey, Cena! Check out my knife. Isn't dat cool?
CENA: You call that a knife? This is a knife!
CARLITO: Das a spoon.
CENA: I see you've played knifey-spoony before.
JESUS: STOP QUOTING SIMPSONS!
[Stab]
CENA: What was that for?
JESUS: I don't get mad. I get stabby. DAMMIT, NOW I'M DOING IT!
[Stab]
CENA: D'oh!
JESUS: BAHHHHHHH!
[Stab]
JESUS: Why you little...! AH!
[Stab]
CARLITO: Das not cool...

[Jorgha]

Cena: I wonder exactally how much damage you can do to yourself with a spork?
(proceeds to find out) Shit! These things should be outlawed.

[Xero]

Cena: So, what's up?

Guy: Nothin'...

Cena: So, you like strudel? :naughty:

Guy: Yeah! I love it! It's so hot and gooey!

Cena: Really? *Cena leans into the guy.*

(5 minutes later, Cena is being taken out on a stretcher.)

Cena: YOU TOLD ME THIS WAS A GAY BAR!

Michael Cole: No, I said PAY bar! One where you pay each time for a drink!

Cena: ... I hate you... OW!

[Mr. Nerfect]

John Cena: This glass ceiling follows me everywhere.

*Throws rock at glass ceiling shattering it.*

John Cena: Shit!

[Cool King]

Cena and Jesus are drunk at a bar

Cena:O.K Aaron let's *HICCUP* let's play er...let's play a game

Jesus:What game?

Cena: SssssssiMON Sayshssssss.

Jesus:Okely *HICCUP* Dokely!

Cena: Simon Ssssssssssays kiss Michael *Cena falls of his stool*

Jesus: *KISS*

Michael Cole: :love:

Jesus: O.K John,Stab yourselfffffff in the KIDNEY!

*STAB*

Cena: OW SONOVABITCH %@#%#$@

Jesus: :eek:

Michael Cole: (Still looking at Jesus) :love:

[Drakul]

Can I recommend that the next subject is "Funny/Weird PPV commercials"?
I think it'd be cool to see what the guys come up with for it. (inspired by the RR commercial)

[juanker]

Cena: "It's fun to stay at the Y...M...C Arrgg my kidney"

Micheal Cole runs away laughing like a gay...erm mad man

[Xero]

*Cena walks up to Brock Lesnar.*

Cena: So, Brock, how's everything going?

Brock: Great! Rena is great, and I have a great career in the NFL ahead of me!

Cena: *Snicker* Really?

Brock: Yeah... What's so funny?

Cena: *Snicker* Oh, nothing. I just heard about that little "initiation" the players gave you.

Brock: Haha, yeah, that was pretty funny. Where did you hear that, anyway?

Cena: Internet...

Brock: ........ *STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB*

[Corkscrewed]

Funny PPV commercials

[juanker]

Random opera singer singing in to a snowball (You know one of those things with an image inside & when you shake it it looks like it is snowing)

She drops it & smashes

Inside: WWE No Way Out Only On PPV

[Xero]

Scene opens in a graveyard. The camera pans around the plots getting to the "children" section. A small hand pops up out of the ground. A baby pops out.

Baby: GEEENNNNE! Oh GEEEEENNNE!

The baby picks up a knife.

Announcer: WWE No Mercy - Payback's a BITCH!

[Corkscrewed]

BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Okay, that's a winner. :rofl:

1,000,000 points for that! :y: :y:


Brock's Welcome Back Party

[juanker]

*THE SCENE*

Medium Sized Banner Saying "Welcome Back Brock"

1 Balloon

A Coupon For 1 Night Of "Pat Patterson Love" To Be Broadcast On The Internet

[What Would Kevin Do?]

The scene opens up in a large room, with nearly every WWE superstar their. Many are a tad pissy though, since Vince has demanded them not only to welcome back the man that walked out on them, but to give him gifts...

So far Brock has received everything from strippers, from a copy of "Making the Game." Finally, Batista gives Brock a gift... Brock opens it up and stares blankly..

Brock: What is it?"

Batista: It's w laptop with wireless internet connection.

Brock: Internet?!?!?!

Batista: Yeah, it's always connected, you're on the internet right now...

Brock: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Brock Lesnar then procedes to rip off his own head. Batista and Vince laugh, and somewhere, the phrase Hara-kiri is spoken.

[tucsonspeed6]

Vince: (Last March): There are over 70 wrestlers in this company, and you're the only one who has to make trouble.
Brock: I'm the only one getting dumped on!
Vince: You're the only one acting up. Now job to Goldberg.
Brock: I already did job to Goldberg, dummy!
Vince: I mean do it again...
Brock: Everybody in this company hates me!
Vince: THen maybe you should ask Wrestlemania for a new company.
Brock: I don't want a new company. Wrestling sucks!
Vince: THen persue football. I don't want to see you again until the football season is over.
Brock: I don't want to see you again for the rest of my life! And I don't want to see anyone else either!
Vince: I hope you don't mean that. You'd be pretty sad if you came back in December and nobody was around
Brock: No I wouldn't.
Vince: Then say it again.
Brock: I hope I never see any of you WWE wrestlers ever again!

*Fast forward to December.*

Brock (Entering WWE Headquarters): Hello? Hello!!!!!! Where is everyone?
*walks into empty room*

"Steve? Steve Austin? ...Goldberg? Where is everyone?"

*walks into another room*

"Rico? Scott Steiner? Guys?"

*another room*

"Test? Pat Patterson? Guys, is this a joke? Where is everyone?"
"*Gasps* I made the company dissappear!.... *sly grin* I made the company dissappear!!!!"

*Eugene, Gene Snitsky, and Simon Dean all walk past a nearby window.*

Brock: "This is my company! I have to protect it!" *Grabs a couple paint cans, slaps his hands on his cheeks and screams "AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"*

[loopydate]

LOF'NL!

That may be the best post in the history of Scenes From a Hat!

[Gone Mad]

**Brock is led to the cafeteria to his welcome back party**

Brock: So everyone is scheduled to be there?
UnderTaker: Yup.
Brock: Just for me?
Taker: Just go in there, damnit!
**Brock enters, no one is there**

Brock: Guh?
Taker: Ooh... sorry, I was told they would be here but turns out.. they are a bunch of BACKSTABBERS. You give them a PUSH, and then they LEAVE YOU HIGH AND DRY. You ever get that feeling, Brock??
Brock: What .. are you hinting at? Homo internet smarks? What? Sable wants me for my money? What, damnit, what?!
Taker: Um, nothing.. ** all the crew comes from behind Brock and rolling him in a carpet and beats him while pouring water on him **

**The next day..**
Vince: Hee, with all that Hooter's wing sauce and cowboy hats on him while at that "festival" of internet wrestling fans and gays, he is going to be ready to.. feel the pain?? HAHA!!
*** a faint "HOOOOMOOOOOS!!!" call can be heard ***
HHH: HAHA! Good one, dad. Hold on. **grabs bloody Orton and sucks his blood** OOOORRRTTTTTONNN!!!
Vince: Hee..ew! You've got a problem. You still have that Hooter's sauce on you..
Taker (to himself): ..damn, almost got him ..
end.

[Cool King]

Brock walks in the locker room and says hi to everyone

Brock: Hi everyone,hi Kurt,hi Paul(Big Show) hi Mark(The Undertaker)

So Brock goes around everyone until he reaches Daniel Puder

Brock:Who the hell is this guy?

Puder:Hi I'm Daniel Puder the fans voted for me to win Tough Enough.

Brock:Really,how did they vote,did they write in or something?

Puder:No the voted on the Internet,on a poll and...

Brock:INTERNET!!!!

Brock goes mad and rips of Puders head

[Nowhere Man]

Brock: So, the party's right behind this door?

Vince: That's right, Brock. Go on in!

*Brock marches through the door, which Vince closes behind him*

Brock: Ummm....hey Vince? This room looks an awful lot like the outside of the building. In fact...I'm pretty sure this is the outside of the building.

.....Vince? The door's locked. Vince?......Vince???

[Xero]

*Vince leads Brock to a door.*

Vince: Go on in Brock, I've got a present for your big return in there!

Brock: Oh boy! I wonder what it is. I HOPE IT'S NOT A SURPRISE PARTY! *Wink wink*

Vince: Meeeeah... Could be! Now get on in there!

*Brock goes in and Vince closes the door. The only one in there is Bob Holly.*

Holly: Hey Brock, Mr. I've Payed Enough Dues... How's it going?

Brock: Not bad, not bad, how's the neck?

Holly: Shut up you little piece of shit! It's time to go to school!

*Loud crashes and bonks can be heard. Minutes later, Brock walks out unharmed. Hardcore is just laying there with this arms literally tied in a knot.*

Brock: WOW! What a party! Can't wait to get out to that ring!

*Vince just stares at Brock, amazed.*

Vince: Wo... Wow! Nice going Brock!

Brock: No problem...

*Brock walks away and Vince walks over to Holly. He nudges him.*

Vince: I told you to teach him a lesson! AND WHAT DO YOU DO!? YOU GET YOUR ASS KICKED!

Holly: I... I meant to do it! You see, it's all an ILLUUUSION! I really beat HIM up!

Vince: ... Shut up, you're fired, Brock's my new lackey.

Holly: But... Damn it...

[Corkscrewed]

:lol:

[PorkSoda]

That Home Alone reference was hilarious :lol:

Scene: Everyone in the WWE locker room is standing behind a door. Suddenly, footsteps are heard. They have balloons set up, a huge cake, food stands, drinks, everything. Suddenly, the door opens.

Everyone: SURPRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE!!!!!

Everyone notices that Lita is standing in the door, not Lesnar.

Vince: Just ignore her, its only Lita, its only Lita.

Lita: Yeah, only me, only me.

Lita enters the room, forgetting to close the door. Lita suddenly botches walking and falls down, everyone tends to help her up, as soon as this happenes, Lesnar enters. Shane sees Lesnar.

Shane: Oh hey...surprise.

Vince+Linda: SUrprise.

Angle+Big Show+Luther: SUrprise.

Lita: Surprise!

Vince: (In tears to Lita) We wasted the good surprise on yew!

(30 minutes later)

Lesnar: Vince, it was a great surprise, I was totally shocked!

[SuperSlim]

*Brock enters the room with everyone in there

Brock: Hey guys it's me! Brock!

Taker: Yeah hey whatever... so Vince about the PPV.

Brock: Umm Show remember me.

Show: yeah whatever hey Test. So Angle, about our match how you wanna do it. Wiat a minute I thought you were fired Test?

Brock: I'm not Test I'm...

Show: Yeah whatever.

*The Rock shows up

Rock: Finally the Rock has come back home.

*Everyone turns around and pushes Brock out of the way.

Vince; So Rock how's it going.

[PorkSoda]

:)

[Corkscrewed]

WWE New Year's Resolutions

[Nervous Ferret]

RVD: I won't take anyomre drugs.

10....9....8....7.....6...5.....4....3....2...1...happy new year!!!!!

RVD: This calls for a special occasion. :shifty:

[SuperSlim]

HHH: This yeah I plan on jobbing at least once at least once. I also plan to be a comediain also. Haaa I crack myself up.

Vince: This year I plan on allowing the talent to really shine. Show their true skills.

HHH: You plan on bein a comedian too.

Vince: Yeah how was that?

HHH: Brilliant.

[Gone Mad]

Bob Holly (talking with some guys): My resolution for next year to be a nicer person and to be a good friend to all my fellow workers, no matter what they have don--

DuPree: Um, Bob, can I ask you for some--

Holly: What's today's date there, buddy?

DuPree: Um, it's Dec-- **Holly beats down Rene, Godfather style, and then some with a steel chair to the face and random steel steps to the back**

Holly: :shifty: ... **points to Booker T** ..he did it. **runs away**

[Crashnburn]

Heidenreich: "I resolve to read more of my poems because the fans seem to really enjoy them."

[Corkscrewed]

:lol: That was funny in a random way. :y:

[Shadow]

Jeff Jarret: I resolve to not hit anybody else with these god damn cardboard guitars. I mean, they don't even hurt! *hits himself with one and over sells it*

[Xero]

Kevin Nash: My new year's resolution is to not tear my quad!

(An hour later.)

Everyone: 10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1! Happy new year!

Kevin: Happy new year every- OH GOD MY QUAD!

[juanker]

Undertaker: my new years resolution is to learn how to sell

Several hours of drinking later Undertaker proceeds to no sell:

Being Pissed
Falling from a 3 story building
3 frog splashes from Eddie Guererro
Alcohol poisoning
A mugging
Being hit by a truck
Death himself

[Crashnburn]

Undertaker: my new years resolution is to learn how to sell

Several hours of drinking later Undertaker proceeds to no sell:

Being Pissed
Falling from a 3 story building
3 frog splashes from Eddie Guererro
Alcohol poisoning
A mugging
Being hit by a truck
Death himself

:lol:

[PorkSoda]

JR: My New Years Resolution is to call a match and all the moves correctly.

(Fast forward to Wrestlemania '05. Randy Orton hits the RKO on Triple H)
JR: Rock Bottom!

[Splaya]

Lita: My new Year's revolution is to not botch anything this year.


*Fast Forward to the first raw of 2005*

Lita's music hits

Lita runs out on the stage carrying the IC title and then while walking down the ramp falls down Ultimo_style.

[Crashnburn]

Kidman: "I think for my New Year's Resolution I should try something I've never done before. For 2005 I will not injure anybody with my sloppy version of the Shooting Star Press. Aw, who am I kidding?"

[Xero]

Jerry Lawler: My new year's resolution is to not say "puppies" as much.

(Vince walks up.)

Vince: I overheard your resolution, and you'll definitely not be saying "puppies" anymore!

Jerry: What?

Vince: I'm turning you gay!

Jerry: ....

Vince: Glad you're happy!

JR (Out of nowhere): BAH GAWD DONG!!

[Splaya]

I'm going to keep this going as I find it funny some of the stuff that has gone through here.






What Vince want's Abyss to do in his first storyline if he signs with WWE.

[Corkscrewed]

U gotta do the topic in size 7 dummy. :D

VINCE: "For your first match, you're gonna wrestle my friend Bob Holly. Oh, and here's some insurance. And a list of nearby hospitals. And a card that'll get you a 20% off spinal surgery. And a lollipop for being a good boy."

[wwe is neat]

Fight HHH

[Xero]

Vince: You're going to be the #30 entrant in the Royal Rumble. You will win the Royal Rumble, have the decision over turned, and be sent down to Heat never to be heard from again.

Abyss: .... O... kay?

Vince: I'm KIDDING! You'll be seen four, maybe five times a year on Raw!

[Corkscrewed]

Fight HHH
^ Doesn't get the concept of this game.

[loopydate]

VINCE: I'm so excited about your new push, Brock.
ABYSS: I'm Abyss.
VINCE: I think you'll fit in very well here, Brock.
ABYSS: I'm Abyss.
VINCE: Of course you are, Brock. Now, Brock, who do you want to fight...Brock?
ABYSS: [sobbing] I'm not Brock! I wish I could be!
[Runs out of the room, crying]

Rep for the reference

[Shadow]

VINCE: I'm so excited about your new push, Brock.
ABYSS: I'm Abyss.
VINCE: I think you'll fit in very well here, Brock.
ABYSS: I'm Abyss.
VINCE: Of course you are, Brock. Now, Brock, who do you want to fight...Brock?
ABYSS: [sobbing] I'm not Brock! I wish I could be!
[Runs out of the room, crying]

Rep for the reference

The Critic. Specifically when Roger and Ebert broke up and Jay replaced one of them with the other. I belive...this one is Ebert's replacement joke.

[Innovator]

Gerwitz: Hey Abyss welcome to RAW!
Abyss: Thank Paul, I'm happy to be in the big leagues
Gerwitz: We've seen more matches with guys like AJ Styles, simply awesome, now if you can carry HHH to a solid match, around the 20 minute mark Flair will interfere and HHH will pin you, but your heat will still be intact
*Kane walks by and hears conversation*
Kane: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, thats a good one, keep your heat, I need to write that down

[Transplant]

**Vince is sitting at a desk in his office with a clipboard and pen in his hand. Abyss walks in**

Vince: Ahh, new guy, your just the person I wanna see.

Abyss: Well thank you Vince for this oppurtunity to be in the WWE

Vince: No problem. OK, I'm gonna ask you a few questions before I send you on the road, just so I know where to send your character.

Abyss: OK, sounds easy enough.

Vince: OK, first question. Who is your favourite WWE superstar?

Abyss: Well, I'd have to say Chris Benoit.

**Vince looks at his clipboard under the first question. There are 2 boxes. "Triple H" and "Other". Vince ticks "Other"**

Vince: OK, thats all the questions done.

**Vince grabs a box full of stuff from under his desk and hands it to Abyss**

Vince: Right, heres your wig, cheerleader uniform, makeup and hair accercories. You're going to be from the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders, lose to Lita 5 times, then driven off a cliff by Kane, and have your dead body raped by Triple H. Any questions?

Abyss: Hasnt half this storyline happened be...

Vince: OK Great, Have Fun!

[Mr. Nerfect]

*Abyss walks into Trip....I mean Vince McMahon's office.*

Vince: Hello Abyss.

Abyss: Hello Mr. McMahon sir.

Vince: We're thinking of having you debut on RAW with a unique gimmick.

Abyss: If it isn't a problem, I'd rather go to SmackDown! sir.

Vince: What the Hell is SmackDown!? A cruiserweight?

Abyss: No sir, it's your second wrestling show.

Vince: You mean Heat?

Abyss: No...UPN.....Thursdays....ring a bell?

Vince: ...........On RAW this is what you're going to do....

*Later that night on RAW.*

JR: BAHGAWD KING! RATTLESNAKE! AUSTIN! STUNNER!

King: That's a crossbody by Hurricane on Rob Conway, JR.

*Abyss appears on screen in superhero attire.*

Abyss: I.....am Captain Ihateamerico

JR: BAHGAWD! LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT, KING! THE ORDASITY! SUPLEX ON THE STEEL!!!!!!!

[PorkSoda]

Abyss: You may he happy now Kane with Lita...but just how happy is...Sandra Pick??!?!?!

[Xero]

Vince: Okay Abyss, I have the perfect angle for you! You see, you will go under the ring to find a weapon during a match and pull out, get this, a dildo! Then you will bitch slap your opponent with it, pin him, and afterwards make sweet, sweet love to it on air.

Abyss: WHAT!?

Vince: Just do it, I'm trying to get out of my contract with Viacom.

[Corkscrewed]

1000 pts to Alienoid


If other wrestlers besides Cena had their own custom belts.

[Splaya]

*Triple H is walking around in the back. He stops in front of Chris Jericho.*

Chris: Hey man nice belt, I'll be challenging you for that at the Royal Rumble.

HHH: Yeah but look closely at the belt.

*Jericho looks closely at the belt. It has a picture of HHH on it in his "Game" face, and the underneath it is written "To my new Son-In-Law. This is your wedding gift from Linda and I. Love Vince.

Jericho: Oh :( :( :(

*HHH walks away laughing*

[Crashnburn]

Abyss: You may he happy now Kane with Lita...but just how happy is...Sandra Pick??!?!?!

^ LOL Her name was Katie Vick.

[Xero]

(The week after winning the Tag Team belts with Rosey, The Hurricane walks past RVD.)

RVD: Woah, what's up with that belt?

Hurricane: Oh this? It's the Hurra-belt! Look! It has the hurra-cuffs, the hurra-rang, the hurra-phone card, and the S.H.I.T. attachment!

RVD: Shit attachment!? Let me see that!

(RVD goes over to Hurricane and starts to fiddle with the S.H.I.T attachment.)

RVD: *Poke Poke* I don't think you should mess with that! It's very sensi-

(The S.H.I.T. attachment activates and sprays a brown substance all over RVD.)

RVD: Woah! Shit man! I'm covered in shit!

Hurricane: I told you you shouldn't have touched it!

(Triple H walks by.)

RVD: Haha, do it to Hunter!

Hurricane: Hehe, okay...

(Seconds later, Hurricane returns with a mouth full of shit.)

Hurricane: Murf murf murf murf murf.

Triple H: ... And don't try that again!

[Crashnburn]

RVD Belt: RVD takes Austin's old "Smoking Skull Belt" and has a an engraver add a joint coming out of the skull's mouth. RVD renames it "the 420 Belt".

[wwe is neat]

John Cena having a spinning belt.

[Savio]

Visera.....um he would need one.

[Mr. Nerfect]

*Triple H is in the lockerroom with Evolution.*

Triple H: So guys, do you like my personal custom-made belt?

Batista: It looks exactly like the World Heavyweight Championship.

Triple H: Damn straight, and don't you forget it.

[Xero]

(JBL is talking to Danny Basham.)
Danny: Kick ass belt, except the bull looks like the Brahma Bull.
JBL: It is, Rock never got to use this belt, so Vince just glued some horns onto it and viola! My new belt!
Danny: Too bad Rock never got to use it...
Big Show (walking by): Be sure not to hit me with the horns tonight dammit! You could impale me!
JBL: Okay...
(Fast forward to the end of the match.)
Big Show: OH GOD WHERE'S MY EYE!? WHERE'S MY EYE!?
JBL: Oops...

[PorkSoda]

Hurricane: Rosey, Rosey, dude, check out your new belt.
Rosey: Wow thanks.............what the hell?
Hurricane directs him to a belt with shit covered all over the front of it.
Hurricane: It is SHIT! Get it?

[Corkscrewed]

1000 pts to Xero Limit.

-2000 pts to wwe is neat for not getting it. Twice.


What happens when a TPWW member meets a WWE superstar
(ideally, this is a one-on-one meeting)

[Splaya]

*assman walks up to Trish Stratus*

Assman: Oh my gosh, it's Trish Stratus.

*Trish is wearing her usual outfit, with her breasts sticking out*

*Assman looks down to see a huge boner*

ASsman: Oh my gosh.

*Assman turns away quickly and then turns back around.*

Assman: Hi I'd like you to sign this poster of you.

*Trish pulls a pen out of her bra but touches her breast while doing so.*

*Assman says Oh my god and turns away as Trish signs the poster. Assman turns around, grabs the poster, but you see a wetspot down by his crotch. Assman sees Trish looking at that and runs away.*


(I used Assman for he is the youngest poster here.)

[Mr. Nerfect]

Alienoid06: Hey look, it's Triple H!

*A few seconds later*

Alienoid06: Hey, why am I on the ground?

Chris Jericho (Lying next to Alienoid): Hey Gaylienoid, if I had figured that out, don't you think I'd be Champion by now, junior?

[Gone Mad]

** gonMad00 meets eDGE **

gonMad (wearing a shirt that says "Hey, I'm gonMad!): Hey, eDge! Big fan, and how are you doing?
eDge (wearing shirt that says "EDGE !"): ..........
gonMad: WHAT?
eDge: .......
gonMad: ..did I fart?
eDge (pulls out a laptop and goes to the TPWW forum): So you say I .."suck" ???
gonMad: um... y-yeah?
eDge: You think you know me? Well, do you? ... NOBODY DOES! AHHH!!
**cries out and spears a light pole, knocking self out! **

gonMad (while poking a possibly dead eDge): ........ um.. :shifty: .......... (draws a mustache on eDGe) ......... :shifty: ....... **runs away**

end.

[Nervous Ferret]

LOL

[wwe is neat]

wwe is neat: Hi I'm wwe is neat.
Triple H: Hi.

[PorkSoda]

Goldbird: Bawk!
Goldberg: Buh?
Goldbird: Bawk! Quack!
Goldberg: What da buh?
Goldbird: BAWK BAWK! BAWK!
Goldberg: BUH UH UH BUH!

[Ferocious]

Alienoid you have been keeping this thread readable since I stopped coming in it :yes:

[Innovator]

This isn't WWE

Innovator: Hey Raven
Raven: Hey kid
Innovator: so whats it like to be a god?
Raven: Eh not bad, whats it like to be the diety of TPWW?
Innovator: Eh not bad
Raven: Sweet
Innovator: sweet ass sweet

[Innovator]

Eugene: are you a fan?
Splaya: Will you be my friend?
Eugene: YAY
Splaya: YAY
*double airplane spin*

[Chuck Jones]

Me: (almost emotionless) I like your poetry
Heidenreich: (similarly cold) I like what you do to popular threads.

[Crashnburn]

Crashnburn: "Whoa! You're Rhyno!"
Rhyno: "Yeah, how you doing?"
Crashnburn: "I'm good, man. I have been one of your biggest fans ever since ECW."
Rhyno: "Oh yeah? Well, hey, I really appreciate that."
Crashnburn: "Yeah, man, I use to love to see you work in ECW. Too bad ever since you went to WWE you've just been a giant pussy."
Rhyno: ".....what?"
Crashnburn: "Well, c'mon, you haven't exactly been as exciting as you use to be..."
(Rhyno face twists into a face of anger.)
Crashnburn: "...and how long has it been since you have had serious gold around your waist? You've been buried so far down that fans have to use a shovel just see one of your matches."
(Before Crashnburn can even say another word Rhyno Gores him, gets up and begins to walk away.)
Crashnburn: (Getting up and dusting himself off.) "What the hell was that? This is exactly what I'm talking about. Your Gore doesn't even have the impact that it once did."
(Rhyno's face now twists into one of homicidal rage. He spins around and Gores Crashnburn harder than any one else he has ever gored. Suddenly Paul Heyman appears out of no where)
Heyman: "GOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE!!!!!"

(Three weeks later Rhyno's cell phone rings)
Rhyno: "Hello?"
Operator: "Is this the WWE superstar Rhyno?"
Rhyno: "Yes it is."
Operator: "We have a collect call for you from someone at Our Angel of Mercy Hospital who just awoke from a coma. He asked for you as soon as he was awake. Will you accept the charges?"
Rhyno: "Uh... yeah I guess."
Crashnburn: "YOU CALL THAT A GORE?!?"

[Scorpion]

LOL Crashnburn, love it

[Corkscrewed]

wwe is neat: Hi I'm wwe is neat.
Triple H: Hi.

.... what... the... hell...?

[Corkscrewed]

1000 pts to Alienoid, Porksoda, Innovator, and crashnburn. :lol:

If wrestlers had their own holidays...

[Mr. Nerfect]

Announcer of Holiday: Hello welcome to Triple H <s>century</s> day.

[PorkSoda]

President Bush: I know declare this day....Kevin Nash Day!
Suddenly, Bush falls down, holding his leg. This is soon followed by everyone else in the USA falling down, holding their leg.

[Xero]

Jericho: Welcome to... FEBRUARY 25th... IS... JERICHO! On this day, anyone who has been working for a company for more than five years and never gets promoted gets a free, mandatory promotion!

People: WOOOO!

Triple H: WHAT!? Well, we don't have to do it!

Vince: Uh, Hunter, bad news, it's now a law, so we have to do it.

Triple H: ... SHIT!

(Ten days later, the main event is filled with the likes of Funaki, Jericho, Hardcore Holly, and Scotty Too Hotty.)

Random Smark: It's win-lose, whatcha gonna do?

[Savio]

I think we should start a new thread with this.

[Gone Mad]

(Damn it, Porksoda beat me to the joke! lol! Oh, well..)

Vince: Welcome everyone to the first ever SHAWN MICHAELS day! ** The entire crowd is livid and starts to grab weapons and charging!!** OH SHIT!!
HBK (in disguise, a cowboy hat, running with Vince): You just had to announce this in Canada, didn't you?!
Vince: I thought those pinatas were a good thing?
HBK: They were of me, you flacid asshole!
Vince: ...Oh... still don't get it..
HBK: :mad:

end.

[Crashnburn]

(Ten days later, the main event is filled with the likes of Funaki, Jericho, Hardcore Holly, and Scotty Too Hotty.)

Random Smark: It's win-lose, whatcha gonna do?


LMAO :lol:

[PorkSoda]

President Bush looks on the calender and it reads "JR day"

President Bush: Baw Gawd! Its Halloween!

Scene cuts to the MLB. Red Sox Johnny Damon hits a homer.

Commentator: Touchdown!

Scene cuts to the PGA. Tiger Woods gets a Hole in One.

Announcer: GOAAAAL!

Scene cuts to the NBA. Dennis Rodman scores a 3-pointer.

Announcer: HOME RUN!

Scene cuts to Wrestlemania 21. Trish Stratus is walking down the isle.

King: KITTENS!

[El Santo]

*Triple H lies face down on the mat*

HHH: Goddamnit... I hate Ultimate Warrior Day.

[What Would Kevin Do?]

National Snitsky day.

George Bush at the State of the Union address.

"Now I know that some people feel that we've caused more problems in Iraq that we solved. Also, the news broke yesterday North Korea has Nuclear weapons that our government gave them... But it's not my fault."

And everyone was happy, the end.

[Corkscrewed]

1000 pts to El Santo's perfectly executed punch line.

If Vince McMahon ran Disney...

[Mr. Nerfect]

*In new Disney Movie*

Triple H: I, Prince CHHHarming will free ye' from the spell cast on you by Carlito's poison apple.

*Triple H approaches Undertaker sleeping in a casket with the seven cruiserweights Kidman, London, Nunzio, Spike, Chavito, Funaki and Akio watching on when random divas run out on screen and start dancing while the diva search music is playing.

*Triple H suddenly has the World Heavyweight Championship in his hands.*

Triple H: I am the greatest in this industry.....*90 minutes later*........I proved without a shadow of a doubt I am the greatest in this industry.

Mic "Key Mouse" Flair: WOOOOOOOOO! You tell 'em, Champ! You're the best!

Dave Batista (in Pluto costume): Damn this is embarassing, but it's going to do better than XFL.

[Afterlife]

Mark Calloway signs movie deal with Tombstone Pictures....

[El Santo]

Show introduction: "It's A Small World" as sung by the Disney Cruiserweights (Rey, Funaki, Spike, Nunzio, Gillberg)

Mickey: Wonderful World of Disney is coming to you, LIVE, from the Magic Kingdom in Anaheim, California! And, by golly, you folks at home are in for a real treat! The Magic Kingdom's general manager, Scrooge McDuck, has managed to sign the industry's most desired free agents away from none other than Warner Brothers! And we're going to witness this gosh-darned historic moment here tonight!

Goofy: Gawrsh, M.M., I can't wait! *spots Pluto* PUPPIES! Hyuck!

*Mickey shakes his head sadly*

* "No Chance" blares throughout the park. Entering first through the gates of the Sleeping Beauty Castle. Scrooge McDuck struts in, accompanied by a scantily clad escort *

Goofy: Willya look at that cow!

Mickey: *Shocked* Now, Goofy, that's not very nice!

Goofy: No, no, M.M.... See? It's Clarabelle Cow! Hyuck!

Mickey: Why so it is! That Jezebel!

*Clarabelle parts a pair of velvet ropes, and Scrooge McDuck arrives at a table set up at the Snow White grotto*

Scrooge: I just wanted to start off by saying that you people better appreciate that I took the time to fly down to a wannabe city like Anaheim, Florida.

*crowd boos*

Scrooge: Let's face it folks, when even the local ball team wants to erase all traces of this backwater down by calling themselves the LOS ANGELES Angels, you know something's very, very wrong.

*crowd boos*

Scrooge: And even though I am THE RICHEST DUCK IN THE WORLD...

*boos*

Scrooge: ... and this fellow and I have never seen eye to eye, I do know business, and I know what's good for business. So let's cut to the chase. I'd like to introduce to you....

*crowd comes to life: starts chanting "BUGS! BUGS! BUGS!*

Scrooge: ... the most electrifying man in animated entertainment...

*"BUGS! BUGS! BUGS!"*

Scrooge: ... the rascally rabbit himself ...

*Suddenly, the air is pierced by the lyrics "Yes it's he, yes it is he ALI A BABUA..."*

Mickey: What the heck's going on here? Goofy?

Goofy: Search me, Mickey. Hyuck!

*Suddenly, Aladdin walks through the Sleeping Beauty Castle's gates, a menacing glare penetrating the crowd*

Scrooge: *livid* Cut the music. CUT THE MUSIC! You... You'd better have a good expanation for interrupting my announcement, or you're FFFFFFIIIIRRREEEED!!!

Aladdin: Don't think I don't see what's going on here! You think I don't see the obvious BIAS here in Walt Disney? Can't you see what's going on? You go out of your way to sign yet another ANTHROPOMORPHIC character, while us Arab-Americans are never given a chance!

*On his shoulder, Apu squeals something unitelligible, but still gets the crowd riled up*

*chants of "USA! USA!" break out in the Magic Kingdom*

Aladdin: Well, I've brought it upon myself to rectify this heinous situation. Your "rascally rabbit" won't be well enough to come out here tonight, courtesy of an old friend...

*New lyrics blare through the speakers: "Weeeeellll... it's the GENIE!!!!! It's the big, blue Genie toniiiight..."*

Mickey: By Gosh, it's can't be! I thought he was suspended ever since he threatened to powerbomb poor defenseless Jasmine on Pride Rock!

Goofy: Really? I thought he was given some time off because he was gettin' fat.

Mickey: Shhhhh! *shifts eyes* It's Scrooge McDuck and the Genie ... NEXT! Ha HA!

[Gone Mad]

"Coming soon to theaters: A Walt Disney (voice changes) [VINCE MCMAHON] Animated Film! It's 'WrestleMania: The Musical!' Starring the voices of WWE Superstars HHH, Tajiri, Eugene, HeidenReich, Kane, Christy Hemme, and Dustin Hoffman as the voice of the Great GooblyGooker."

**A scene from the film, as a Prince is singing on top of a castle **

Prince: Oh, medievel woman! Medievel woman, how I miss your kiss as
you have kissed my wrist! Oh, Sandy! You cam--
**STEELCHAIR TO THE SKULL OF THE PRINCE!!**
HHH: You think you can take over this castle, Orton... Think.. AGAIN!

**Bashing the Prince over and over and .... still... he still beating down... ok, next scene**

'With brand new music from great artists like Clay Aiken, Lindsey Lohan, MegaDeth, Tenacious D, Puffi AmyYumi, Ludacris, and ..Fozzy.. who will be catering the food.'

**Another scene plays with Eugene and Christy singing a love song to each other, in a boat in a pond.**

Christy: I love.. that you love me!! ..Cause... um... I dunno... AND STUFF!!
Eugene (while wearing mouse ears hat): ARIEL FROM THE LITTLE MERMAID! 1990! NOW AVAILABLE ON DVD!
Christy (whispering): no, we sell things after they come in to see this movie, ok?
Ric Flair (pops out from below the boat): WHOO!! KISS THE GIRL!! LIMOSUINE RIDIN, WHEELING DEELING... **Flops on boat!! **
Eugene: GOT A FISH!!!

'Critics have spoken about the film that will rejuvenate the Disney name like one from Seattle Post says "BAWGAWD, my favorite part was the barbeque nearlytorninhalf! Oh and my friend like the puppies".

And the New Yorker says "IT WASN'T MY FAULT... it was delightful! Loved it, I'm taking the little ones to see it!" And one other guy said that is was bad and blah blah blah.. well, they sucked!'

**One more scene plays as the cast of wrestlers are singing together on a grassy field, with Dustin Hoffman in a Chicken outfit and a lovable, marketable green blob with eyes. Also there is a rainbow. :) **
Wrestlers: Oh, the brand split is now over, and now we are in peace! We can all go job to the one called H and everything is great and everything is.... GREAT!!!!
HHH: ORRRRTTTONNNN!!!!!!
** HHH bashing in the green blob and forest animals to a pulp. **
Hoffman: Can I have my money now?

'Wrestlemania: The Musical!' Coming soon to video and DVD, and then will be frozen with Walt himself for 10 years until we need more money, even if it flops. So watch it now or YOU'RE FIRED!!!!"

"Rated G."

[Corkscrewed]

Oly shit, El Santo, that was gold. 1000000 pts to El Santo.


The WWE Daycare Service

[Crashnburn]

Parent: "I was a little nervous leaving my child here, since you just opened up earlier this week."

Daycare Manager: "I assure you we have the finest staff looking after your child. In fact your child should be right in here....... WHERE ARE ALL THE CHILDREN?!?" (The manager turns and sees that room's attendant standing in the corner.) YOU THERE, YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO BE WATCHING OVER THE CHILDREN, WHERE DID THEY GO?!?!?" (Turning back to the Parent) "I apologize, this never happens." (Turning back to the Attendant) "ANSWER ME NOW! WHERE ARE ALL THE KIDS?!?"

The Room Attendant, Gene Snitsky: "IT WASN'T MY FAULT!!!!"

[Mr. Nerfect]

Triple H: OK everybody, does everyone remember what I taught you to do? Ready? On one, two three.....

Kids (Together): Lie-down! *Kids lie-down for Triple H to cover individually as Ric Flair screams out "You're the best champ!" over and over again.*

[Corkscrewed]

GENE SNITSKY: "Here at the WWE Child Care services, we get a kick out of taking care of your children! :D"

[juanker]

WWE Anouncer: Here at the WWE babysitting service we have state of the art "playpens" for all of your children

Camera pans around to see Sean O'Haire's old cage now being lived in by Paul London

London (monotone) these "playpens" are great...DON'T SEND YOUR KIDS...

WWE Anouncer: That's right don't send your kids anywhere else other than the WWE babysitting service

(In the background we see HHH beating Paul London with a sausage

[PorkSoda]

lol Corky :lol:


At the daycare service, it shows all the little kids sleeping in their playpens. Suddenly....the bell rings! All the kids wake up and throw down their playpen cages and walk out.

Kid1: Show me the puppies show me the puppies show me the puppies!

Kid2: (Swiveling his hips really badly) Heewwwwwwwwooooooo waaaadies!

Kid1: (Prancing around) Puppies the puppies! Show me the puppies!

Kid3: (Throwing a toy in a little girls face) IT WASNT MUH FAULT!

Another kid goes to climb on his playpen, but gets thrown off by another kid.

Kid4: (To another kid) YOUUUUUR FIIIIIIIIRED!

Kid1: Show me the puppies!

Kid6: SLOBKNUCKA!

[Corkscrewed]

1000 pts to myself because I liked my one-liner. :D

Bad ways to cheat in a match
(might have done this a long time ago... but oh well)

[Xero]

(Bradshaw is getting his ass kicked. He throws his opponent out of the ring and goes up to the ref.)

Bradshaw: I'll give you $5000 to fast count him!

Ref: Hmmmmm....

(All of a sudden, 'It's All About the Money' hits and Ted Dibiase comes out to the ring.)

Ted: I'll give you $10,000 to DQ Bradshaw for bribing you!

Ref: ... RING THE BELL!

Bradshaw: NOOOOO! DAMN YOU TED DIB...

Ted: And I'm suing you for using my gimmick!

Bradshaw: GOD DAMN IT!

[PorkSoda]

:)

[Gone Mad]

** In a match between Angle and Cena **

Cole: WOW, these two are real beating each other to a pulp and-- why does Angle have the mic?
Angle: I told you I'd shock the world and here he is, your demise, Cena .. Shockmaster 2k5!!!!

**Shockmaster 2k5 comes out the ground and still manages to trip and lose his mask**
Cena: :wtf:
Angle: .... Well.. um, I thought he would of... um.. I WIN!! **runs away**
Cena: Why am I still here? I gotta go finish filming 'Mr. Nanny 2: Electric Boogaloo' !

END.

[Crashnburn]

*Hogan and Nash are sitting in the back talking about what they are going to do for their next match*

Hogan: "I got an idea, Bruther! How about instead of having a great match that the fans will really get a kick out of, how about we circle each other a few times and then I poke you in the chest and you fall down and let me cover you for the three! What do you think of that, Bruther?"

Nash: "I think it's a brilliant idea!"

[James Steele]

*Match Between Shawn Michaels and Chris Benoit*

Shawn Michaels tries to put the sharpshooter on Benoit but Bret Hart comes out talks to Earl Hebner. Shawn Michaels gets out and goes to see what the hold up is...

Earl: Damn it, ring the bell. He is one of those damn Canadians!
*Bell rings*

Shawn: Damn it, he is canadian! Bret, tell them... I told you to come here so I could apologize and make Benoit support Canada.

Bret: Shawn, I love America now! :lol:

Earl: Chris is a good ole' boy from Georgia. Damn Canadians always trying to trick me. I have never heard of any Canadians named Chris, but Shawn is more canuck than maple syrup!

Shawn: Damn it, Bret!

*Bret and Chris laugh their asses off as Shawn Michaels gets kicked in the nuts by Earl Hebner*

Earl: Take that you punk-mouthed Canadian!

Howard Finkel: Here is your winner as a result of a disqualification via Canadian ATLANTA'S OWN CHRIS BENOIT!

[Corkscrewed]

Pro wrestler love ballads.

Try to keep them relatively short... like 10 or 20 lines max.

[James Steele]

I love you baby...
I need you baby...
I can not shine without you...
Baby, I need my gold because I am the...
Because I am...
The Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame!

[Xero]

Randy Orton Pranks Gone Wrong

Bump, by the way... I miss this. :(

[Crashnburn]

Randy: Hey, guys, watch this! I'm about to ruin the Undertaker's legacy! *Randy RKO's Taker for the three count at 'Mania*

[What Would Kevin Do?]

Randy: Heh.. I'll teach that snooty bitch. Cheat on Hardy with Edge and not me...
*Randy grabs a purse with a "Lita" keychain and runs into the bathroom.

*20 minutes later, Randy emerges and finds Lita.*

Randy: Hey, LITA!! I found your purse..
Lita: THanks Randy, but that's not mine.
Randy: Huh??
Lita: I was going to stick that chain on my purse so I didn't lose it, but I screwed up and stuck it on the wrong one.
Randy: How the hell do you botch remembering what purse is yours?
Lita: Well I thought I saw a tampon sticking out... It wasn't though, it was a strapon...Oh well.

*Lita walks away, and Randy is confused as all hell as he holds the mysterious purse. Moments later, the door opens.*

HHH: Hey Randy, have you seen Stephanies' purse?

[wwe is neat]

Triple H: Oh I'm just going to sit down on this chair
*Triple H toots*
Randy Orton: Haha you sat on a whoopie cushion.

[El Santo]

[Triple H reaches into his sack lunch.]

Triple H: What... the... HELL?!?!
Randy: Ha! You go punk'd!
Triple H: [throws sandwich at Randy] Goddammit! You know I hate egg salad sandwich! You put your feces in the bag like I asked, dammit!
Randy: Y-yes, sir.

[Nervous Ferret]

Orton: This is gunna be a good one. Takes a shit in an unsespected divas bag.

1 hour later

Mr. McMahon: Who the fuck shitted in my bag? :mad:

Orton: oops

[Corkscrewed]

Date night with Edge.

[NoJabbaNoBogRoll]

Lita botches turning up on time.

For the first time ever, Edge complains about NOT being screwed.

[Splaya]

I'm restarting this up. Here is the thing, I will award a 1st place and a 2nd place point system. Winner at the end of the year will get a prize or something.





Conversation between Vince Mcmahon and the next released WWE superstar.

[Wolverine]

Vince: Im sorry, shitting in diva's bags is one thing...hurting your shoulder is another thing...Sorry but yer fired Orton.

[SuperSlim]

Vince: I'm sorry but your just too talented. I appreciated the fact that you finally cut you rhair so you won't look like Triple H. But the fact is, you two are a threat to Triple H. Your mic skills are better than his, your wrestling skills are better than his, you two are more deserving of the World title than he is and that is why I'm going to have to release you two.

Jericho: Damn.

Christian: Yeah. I mean come on Vince. Why you let that old guy Bobcore Holly stay?

Vince: Well, ummmm. I got an answer for it just hold on. Matter of fact take a seat.

*5 minutes later*

Vince: I know why. It's cause he's been here for so long and he isn't that good.

Jericho: So what you are saying is that if you suck or are crappier than Triple H then you get released?

Vince: Damn straight.

Christian: Hate it for Shelton.

Vince: What you say?

Jericho: He said nothin about Edge.

Vince: Edge?

Christian: Yeah, you know that extremely talented guy in and out of the ring.

Vince: Hmmm I may need to look into this.

*Jericho and Christian walk out

Jericho: Ha, Edge finally gonna get what he deserves.

*The next night*

Vince: Let me introduce to you your new #1 contender for the World title. EDGE!

Jericho & Christian: DAMN IT!

[Xero]

Vince: I'm sure you're wondering why I've asked you all here today. Well, I have some bad news. I have to let you go. You see, Hunter found out that there was a second show. Hell, I had just found that out a few days ago. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to let you go...

SmackDown! Locker Room: *Grumbling and groaning*

Undertaker: EH HEM!?

Vince: Oh yes, a few of you WILL be staying, namely Taker and Hardcore. That's about it.

Kurt: What about me!?

Vince: Nope, sorry.

Kurt (Under his breath): I fucking slept with Steph for nothing!?

Vince: WHAT!?

Kurt: Oh, I said, 'I like flicking steps for nothing'...

Vince: Oh... Well, okay. I'll be canceling SmackDown! and...

*Triple H comes over to Vince and whispers in his ear.*

Vince: Really!? Great idea! On second thought, I'll be making SmackDown! the 'Triple H Show', where he talks about how great he is! It'll draw HUGE!

[Corkscrewed]

Vince: This will teach you to sleep with my daughter behind my son-in-law's back! You're FIIIIRRRRRREEEDDDDD!!!!

Lita: :'(

[El Santo]

Vince: Who's ever heard of a World Champion that dances? You're fired.

Batista: Are you talking to me?

-----------------------

Vince: Sorry, ladies, but my boy Randy Orton doesn't like ladies who know how to defend themselves. So (points to Trish) you're fired, (points to Victoria) you're fired, and you're fired.

Shannon: For the last time, Vince, I'm a guy.

Vince: Really? But... your name's Shannon...

----------------------

Vince: ... and I'm very disappointed that you've injured yet another promising new worker. I've let it slip several times, but this time, I'm going to have to lay down the law. NUNZIO!

Nunzio: (peeks in door) Yes, sir?

Vince: You're fired!

Nanzio: Christ!

Vince: Let that be a lesson. Next time, maybe I won't be so merciful, Bob.

Hardcore Holly: (bored) Yes, Vince.

Vince: Now run along and get ready for you match against Joey Matthews tonight...

[PorkSoda]

Vince: Jim, we've got to do release someone. Who do you have in mind?

JR: Well....nobody right now.

Suddenly, Nunzio comes in the room.

Nunzio: Hey Vince, I was wondering, how about we resurrect the cruiserweight division?

Vince: YOUR FIRED!

Nunzio leaves. Vince turns on a fan and it falls down, knocking JR's coffee over on his new suit.

JR: WHATDAHELLBAWGAWD?!?!?!

Vince: THAT wasn't my fault!

Snitsky: (Entering the room) WHAT DID YOU SAY?

[Corkscrewed]

LOL. 1000 pts to El Santo and Porksoda.


If Pro Wrestling Characters met their C-Fedding counterparts...

[loopydate]

http://www.geocities.com/loopydate/gallery/ramp4.jpg

ANDREW MARTIN: Wow! You're Lou P. Daight, aren't you?

LOU P. DAIGHT: Heeey, good lookin'!

http://www.geocities.com/loopydate/gallery/pose8.jpg

http://www.geocities.com/loopydate/gallery/pose14.jpg

AM: OWW!!!

http://www.geocities.com/loopydate/gallery/candid21.jpg

LPD: Dagnabbit...

[Gone Mad]

http://img119.echo.cx/img119/1797/toughenough8kl.jpg
Rhyno: Whoa, it's MadMan! Can you lend me some cash?

http://img134.echo.cx/img134/8453/rhyno0160gw.jpg
MadMan: Go get a job, ya Mad-Hole! I hear Dairy Queen is hiring. Turns out they need a mascot and they said you'd be perfect! Oh, and you can trust me on that!

http://img184.echo.cx/img184/4929/0132im.jpg
Rhyno: ....they're hiring???

[Corkscrewed]

*cough* Naitch get in here *cough*

[Nowhere Man]

http://img50.echo.cx/img50/7083/ldvd8ultimosmall5pf.jpg

Seymour: Ultimo Dragon! It's great to finally meet you; I'm a big fan!

http://img50.echo.cx/img50/5792/06231pq.jpg

Ultimo Dragon: 私のあなたから得なさい。真剣に, あなたが私の ロッカー部屋にとにかく入れるhow'd か.

Seymour: Ummmm.....yeah, totally.

[Nowhere Man]

http://img50.echo.cx/img50/9885/godzilla14fv.jpg

Big Zylla: ....and that's why I invested all my money in the stock market.

http://img241.echo.cx/img241/1736/gzilla32vi.jpg

Godzilla: But Zylla, aren't you the least bit concerned about the United States' fluctuating presence in international markets? The global ramifications of its stance as a world power reach a lot more levels than just the political spectrum. The dollar is down right now, so why put all of your funds into an increasingly risky market?

http://img241.echo.cx/img241/8706/godzilla20034nc.gif

Big Z: Oh do be serious, my good man. You can't expect me to gather up my winnings and run away just because the Euro is getting stronger. If you want to get more out of your investments, you have to take risks!

http://img188.echo.cx/img188/5084/godzilla541gf.jpg

Godzilla: I see. Well, it has been an absolute pleasure making your acquaintenceship, but I really must be going. There's a few city blocks in Yokohama that I'm scheduled to trample over in just a few minutes. I'd really like to swap mailing addresses with you.

Big Z: Indeed; I've always wanted a pen pal. How delightful! In the meantime, I'm going to go enjoy myself at the carnival.

http://img188.echo.cx/img188/4609/godzilla1346af.jpg

[Corkscrewed]

*hits the buzzer*

100000 pts to Nowhereman.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:




WWE Wrestlers in the Bedroom
I might have done this one last year but oh well.

[Corkscrewed]

http://www.photofile.com/Photos/Albums/WWE_Album/Images/KURT_ANGLE2.JPG
ANGLE: Hey baby, want to have dirty perverted beastiality sex?

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/c/cd/250px-Tarpan.jpg
"Not now honey."