GAME: Wrestling Scenes from a Hat

[Disturbed316]

Mark Henry: Sorry I'm late Vince, I had to drive because Flair told me the airline said I was too heavy to go on the plaine.

Vince: Huh? Thats stupid.

Flair: HAHAHAHAHA! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[PorkSoda]

Triple H: Sorry I'm late Vince, I was stuck in the land of Oz, I took down all of the little munchkins and punched a whole through the tin mans armor into his face, then I realized I needed a ride, so I gave Batman a Pedigree, stole his Bat Mobile, and just when I was a mile away from the arena, it ran out of gas. So I took a sledgehammer, beat the mobile to death, and found a motercycle guarded by seven little dwarfs and Snow White. So I held down all the little dwarfs, shoved Snow White down and finally rode on her Harley here. It will never happen again. So who else can I bury tonight - I mean what do you have in mind for tonight?

[Xero]

:rofl: LMAO!

[Vastardikai]

Y2J: Sorry I'm Late, Mr. McMahon. I got caught in rush hour.

Vince: So was I, your point?

Y2J: I had to job to EVERYONE in the cars in front of me.

Vince: In that case, you can keep your job. But, as punishment, you have to lose a Triple Threat match between a fried shrimp and a bologna Sandwich. And you're the one taking the fall.

[Xero]

Vince: Where have you been!?

Dinsmore: I was studying retard movies like "There's something about Mary", why?

Vince: Oh, carry on...

[Corkscrewed]

ROFL! These are awesome guys!

[Nowhere Man]

Vince: Randy, the show's starting in ten minutes! Where the hell were you?!

Orton: Sorry, boss. I had to renew my pact with Satan to make fanboys love me, and I got a little carried away during the blood-letting.

Vince: But Randy, I don't see any cut marks on you. Where'd you get the blood?

Orton: I got it from Jericho. All of his screaming from the rusty knife made my head hurt.

Vince: Well, doesn't that just take the cake?! We can't afford to have that reckless Jericho injuring one of my most promising stars' eardrums! Tell him he's fired!

[Xero]

Vince: Where have you been Jim!? It's 5 minuites to Raw!

JR: BAHGAWDSONOFABITCHBAHGAWD!

Vince: Uh, what?

JR: BAHGAWDSTUNNERBBQSAUSEBBQBBQBBQBAHGAWD!

Vince: Uh, translator please?

(King comes over)

JR: BAHGAWDSONOFABITCHBABABAHGAWD!

King: Uh huh... He says he dripped BBQ sause on his pants and... What?

JR: BBQSAUSEBAHGAWDBAHGAWDAUSTINAUSTINAUSTIN!

King: Oh, and he was talking to Steve on his cell phone and....

JR: BAHGAWDSTUNNERBAHGAWDBAH....

(JR explodes and King and Vince walk away slowly)

[FourFifty]

<font color=cyan>:rofl: All of these will be hard to top... Now I know the rules say only one post per message, but I'm sorry, I had to break the rules with this one.

<b>Vince:</b> Damn it, Show, why the hell are you late?
<b>Show:</b> Well, the sign said all you can eat...

<b>Vince:</b> Mr. Gowen! You're 45 minutes late! Your match was the first one on the card, so we had to fill the space with another HHH promo! Where the hell were you?
<b>Zach:</b> Well when you give me a bike as transportation and I only have one leg...

<i>*RVD comes in, eyes bloodshot, glazed, and he seems a little to easy going for a sober man. He enters Eric's office*</i>
<b>RVD:</b> Hey Eric, I'm sorry I'm late to raw... 4:20 came around I had somethin' to do....
<b>Coach:</b> Uhhh, Rob... That's the picture of Eric... He's in the ring cutting a promo.
<b>RVD:</b> Well that leaves me with one question, dude... Where's the cream filling?

[big_bluto]

RVD turns up at the arena.
Vince McMahon walks towards him looking pissed off.

Vince: Where the hell have you been Rob?
(Rob takes a big deep draw of his joint)
RVD: What are you guys doing here?
Vince: You smoking weed again?
RVD: This isn't a comic book convention.
Vince: Are you even listening to me?
RVD: What day is this?

[Innovator]

*JBL runs in 5 minutes before Smackdown! starts*

Vince: John where the hell were you!! You are the WWE Champion you need to be here to make an example for the rest of the.....what's that behind your back?

JBL: *hides white hood* uh...nothing Vince...I was just uh...beating up some homos for lunch money...

Brock: HOMOS!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Vince jiggles a set of keys, mesmerizing Lesnar instantly*

[Disturbed316]

<font color=cyan>:<b>Vince:</b> Mr. Gowen! You're 45 minutes late! Your match was the first one on the card, so we had to fill the space with another HHH promo! Where the hell were you?
<b>Zach:</b> Well when you give me a bike as transportation and I only have one leg...

ROFL

[Corkscrewed]

Wow, hard to choose a best one. So 1000 points to everyone who reps me!!! :D :D :D


If WWE wrestlers starred in Godzilla movies (the cool Japenese ones).

[Xero]

Vince: Oh my God... It's Showzilla! And he's EATING the ring! What ever shall I do!? AHHHH!

Showzilla: ARRRGHHHAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! ME HUNGRY!

Tajiri: Don't wolly Vince, I'rr take cale of it!

(Tajiri flies upto the face of Show and sprays green mist in his eyes)

Showzilla: ARRRGGGAHHHHHAAAHHH!

(Showzilla, then world champion, falls to the ground and dies as Triple H comes over and pins him for the title)

Tajiri: Hey! That was my job! YOU BASTALD!

[Jonster]

Hurricane: Stay in the back, there's a Godzilla coming through.

OK, that was rubbish, but I'll try and do a better one later.

[PorkSoda]

OK...its long, sorry.

TV News: OH MY GOD GODZILLA IS ATTACKING THE CITY! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

Godzilla attacks the newsreporter and throws her across New York.

Arnold Shwarzanegger: Dun worry, I'll throw this sh*t downtown! Ill be back!

Arnold goes to attack Godzilla, but Godzllla steps on him. Suddenly, Rocky appears.

Rocky: Yo Adrian...I'M GONNA DO IT!

Rocky attemps to jab the monster and starts making punching movements, but Godzilla picks up Rocky and eats him. Cactus Jack appears on top of the Empire state building, and poses, attempting an elbow drop onto his head but misses and falls into the sewer. Godzilla starts to shake the buildings and tear things apart...when suddenly...GOLDBERG APPEARS! HE RUNS AND SPEARS THE MONSTER IN THE KNEE...BUT BREAKS HIS NECK AND DIES! Suddenly, Hulk Hogan appears. He starts doing the Hogan strut for the whole city, calming everyone down including all the little kids....untill Godzilla steps on him and kills him.

Suddenly....TRIPLE H APPEARS! Godzilla steps on him HHH, but HHH no sells! He just stands up and Godzilla picks up up and throws him down, but HHH gets right back up, and Godzilla picks up him again but HHH hits a low blow. He then gets Godzillas massive headbetween his legs...and drops him for the Pedigree! He covers Godzilla..1.2.3! Triple H goes to the top of the Empire State building and poses for the whole NYC! Everyone boos him untill he accidently leans over the edge and falls over.

[FourFifty]

<font color=cyan><I>*The scene opens up with a giant purple dinosaur running through San Francisco, screaming “Hands Down” by Dashboard Confessional in a female voice that can’t sing worth a damn. The dinosaur turns around, and we see the back of Lita’s head, because she forgot to pull up the zipper*</I>

<b>Vince:</b> CUT!!!! Lita, get over here!
<b>Lita:</b> Yes Vince?
<b>Vince:</b> You were supposed to be singing “Way Away” by Yellowcard! Do you have any idea how big of a disappointment that is?
<b>Shane:</b> Well, what about the fact that she was in SanFran, she’s dressed up like Barney the Dinosaur, and she forgot to pull up the zipper?
<b>Vince:</b> Ever since Mr. Nanny, this is great acting for a wrestler.

[Nowhere Man]

**Rodan and King Ghidorah ravage the streets of Tokyo, sending thousands fleeing for their lives**

Badly Dubbed Japanese Man: EEEEEEK!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!

*Chris Benoit flies down from the skies*

Benoit: I knew those two would come back for more. Time to activate Wild Pegasus Power!!!

PEGA-SA-SU!!!!! POWAAAAAA GO!!!!!!

*Benoit transforms into a 300-foot-tall Superhero and joins in the battle*

Tajiri: *sigh* Ahhhh, it's like I never left the place.

[Corkscrewed]

I dunno why, but the absurdity of that has me :rofl:

[FourFifty]

<font color=cyan>Bumpity bump bump!

[Favre4Ever]

can't top it.

[Corkscrewed]

WWE American Idol

[loopydate]

(At the audition...)

LITA: Hi, Jeff!
SIMON: I'm Simon.
LITA: Right. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you how perfect I am for "Survivor."
SIMON: "American Idol." Good lord, is there nothing you won't botch? Next!
LITA: But, wait! I can sing, too!
SIMON: This should be painful...
RANDY: Go ahead and sing it, dawg!
LITA: (horribly off-key) And yooooooooo-oooo-oooooo-oooo-ooo will always...love yoo--wait. Um... Lemme start over.
SIMON: Next!

[Corkscrewed]

:lol:

[Innovator]

Triple H: It's all about the Game, and how you play it, it's all about control-

Simon Cowell: That was bloody awful, you are the worst singer in the world...

Triple H: But...I AM THE GAME!

Simon Cowell: And you're that damn awful. Learn how to sing...take Jericho for example

*Jericho walks in*

Jericho: And Who am I
To kill a stranger
After all that
we've been through
I do and die
To kill a stranger,
After all that
we've been through

Simon: Terrific, you are the real deal...

Triple H: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

*Triple H suddenly wakes up*

Vince: Hunter are you ok?

Triple H: Yeah I think so...just to be safe...HEY CHRIS!

*Jericho walks up*

Triple H: What are you doing tonight on the show?

Jericho: Jobbing to Moolah, why?

Triple H: PHEW! it was only a dream...

[Corkscrewed]

:rofl:

[FourFifty]

(At the audition...)

LITA: Hi, Jeff!
SIMON: I'm Simon.
LITA: Right. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you how perfect I am for "Survivor."
SIMON: "American Idol." Good lord, is there nothing you won't botch? Next!
LITA: But, wait! I can sing, too!
SIMON: This should be painful...
RANDY: Go ahead and sing it, dawg!
LITA: (horribly off-key) And yooooooooo-oooo-oooooo-oooo-ooo will always...love yoo--wait. Um... Lemme start over.
SIMON: Next!

<font color=cyan>God Damn It! You beat me to the "Lita Botching It" joke!!!

hell, you did it better than I could :y: :rofl:

[Nowhere Man]

Paula: Welcome to the show, Chris. We're really excited to have you here.

Simon: Wait a minute; says here you're Canadian. You do know that the show is American Idol, right?

Benoit: What are you talking about? I'm from Atlanta now. And to prove it, I'm going to sing a touching ballad close to my down-home-country roots by...Mr.....(pulls out sheet of paper with name on it)....Garth...Brooks...

**song begins, and Chris starts singing**

Simon: Oh, sweet Lord! This is awful!!!

Benoit: Huh? Wait a minute....I'd recognize that voice anywhere! Dark Lord Sy-Mon! I knew you'd be back for more!!!

**Simon mutates into an enormous winged monster**

Benoit: PEGA-SA-SU!!!! POWAAAAAA GO!!!!

*****

Yeah, that blew.

[Favre4Ever]

(Writers Note: The (What???)s are the audience screaming it)

**Stone Cold finishes singing "Marguritaville"**

Simon: "Well Steve, I hate to say it, but I just don't think you have what it takes to be the next American Idol."

Austin: "So let me get this straight(WHAT!!)-you don't think Stone Cold Steve Austin has what it takes to be the next American Idol?(WHAT!!)"

Simon: "Well, I-"

Austin: "Your saying i'm done?(WHAT!!!)"

Simon: "I-"

Austin: "Finished?!?(WHAT!!!!)"

Simon: "Thats what-"

Austin: "Done for?(WHAT!!!)"

Simon: "Steve, your-"

Austin: "eh EHHH!!!!(crowd erupts) See Simon, there's nothing one that you or anybody else working on this puny little show can do to stop Stone Cold Steve Austin from being the next American Idol!!!!"

**Stunner to Simon!!!!!! Austin proceeds to drink beers with Paula and douse Simon with them. That random black guy plays dead.**

[Corkscrewed]

Things that Brock Lesnar might do in a game or with his team now that he's signed with the Vikings.

[FourFifty]

<font color=cyan><b>NFL Website Guy:</b> Well, Mr. Lesnar, I need to know your height and weight.
<b>Brock:</b> Why? Are you going to put them down in a book or something.
<b>NFL Webstie Guy:</b> No really. I want to post them on-line for all the NFL Fans to... Please put down that knife...
<b>Brock:</b> Don't you ever say on-line, again!
<b>NFL Website Guy:</b> Okay, it's so we can post them on the internet.
<b>Brock:</b> INTERNET!?!??!?! <b>KILL!!!!!!!</b>

[Innovator]

*Vikings are playing the Eagles*

Madden: McNabb to TO! First DOWN! What a great play, a 25 yard pickup by Terrell Owens!

*McNabb slaps TO's ass*

Brock: HOMOS!

[loopydate]

http://www.atributetowrestlers.com/brock-lesnar-pictures12.jpg

Hey, fellas! Need an equipment manager?

[Corkscrewed]

^ DING DING DING DING!!! We have a weener!!! :rofl: :rofl:

[Corkscrewed]

The Big Bossman: What's He Doing Now?

[loopydate]

</>

[FourFifty]

<font color=cyan><I>*Sean O’Haire, Kanyon, Tommy Dreamer, Rikishi, The Ultmio Dragon, and Jeff Hardy are sitting at a bar*</I>

<b>Dreamer:</b> Yeah, I was the innovator of violence, and I still have a cult following… Sometimes at night, I can still hear them chant, “E-C-Dub, E-C-Dub!”

<b>Kanyon:</b> You may be the the innovator of violence, but come on, who betta than Kanyon?

<b>Ultmio:</b> More Sake!

<b>Rikishi:</b> More Pretzels!

<b>Jeff Hardy:</b> :shifty::shifty:yeah, I’m the father of Lita’s baby….

<b>Sean:</b> That storyline sucks, and I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know.

<b>Jeff Hardy:</b> We all used to be huge players in the WWE… and dude, look at us now…. We’re pretty much unemployed.

<b>Dreamer:</b> Shut up Mr. TNA!

<I>*The Big Bossman enters*</I>

<b>Bossman:</b> Hey Fellas! What’s up?

<b>All:</b> ……….

<b>Bossman:</b> Did I ever tell ya’ll ‘bout my Kennel from Hell match?

<b>Kanyon:</b> Get Out.

<b>Bossman:</b> Nope, really! I was in a Kennel from Hell match VS Al Snow!

<b>Sean:</b> We know that. He said “get out” as in “Get the hell out of our bar!”

<b>Jeff Hardy:</b> Officer, I swear, it’s oregano in my pocket!

<b>Rikishi:</b> Where the hell are my pretzels?

<b>Bossman:</b> Rikishi! You’re here?!?!?! Do you wanna listen to my stories?

<b>Rikishi:</b> For a bowl of pretzels.

[Corkscrewed]

Always450 gets 1000 points.

Rejected WWE Contests

[Xero]

WWE $100 SmackDown! Jobber Search!

Stips: Only former WWE wrestlers or Curiserweights may apply.

Slogan: Cause jobbers need money too!

Winner gets: $100 spread over a 10 year contract...
Permanent jobbing space for Velocity, Heat, House Shows, and Dark Matches...
Downside guarantee that they will job to Triple H in 2 humiliating matches on RAW...

[Nowhere Man]

WWE's Crushed Hopes 2004!

That's right! Once again, WWE is giving YOU, the viewers, the chance to vote on who you think should be the top man in the company! The winner gets push straight to the main events, only to be crushed by one of our loyal suck-ups! It's an absolute dream-match for people who hate themselves!

What matches would you like to see? Eddie Guerrero vs Bradshaw? Chris Benoit vs Triple H? Booker T vs The Undertaker? Mick Foley vs Randy Orton? Vote today!!!

(note: Chris Jericho need not apply)

[FourFifty]

<font color=cyan>Okay, reality TV is where it’s at! It’s where all the ratings go! So, how about this idea! Do mass try outs for a reality TV show where you take every Dick and Jane out there (regardless of how much talent the indys have) to live in a house with a group of people who suck ass for the most part to try to become a WWE SUPERSTAR!!!!

…what’s that…

…they did that?…

Oh…. Crap… Seems like a bad enough idea to be brought up.


You’ve seen The Apprentice with Donald Trump, and you may have well seen The Assistant with Andy Dick… World Wrestling Entertainment and Vincent Kennedy McMahon proudly bring to you….
<b>The Bitch</b>
A group of 12 people will live in Sean O’Haire’s cage for 24 weeks, with one elimination every other week, in a contest to see who can kiss the most ass, who can brew the best cup of coffee, who can do a great bobble head impersonation while being a mindless “Yes man,” and overall who can reassure Vince that he’s not totally fuc</u>king up the booking.

[Transplant]

Vince: Right, we've gotta think of a new contest since the Who Wants To Be My Bitch? contests fell through. Coach, how much money do we have for our next contest?

Coach: Uh, we have none. With the current ratings drop, we've only had enough money to pay the guys, hire venues, and feed Triple H's pet dog.

Vince: C'mon guys, we're gonna have to scrap something together. Everyone empty out your pocekts. Whats everyone got on them?

Hogan: 2 quaters

Honky Tonk: 3 Quarters

Coach: a quarter, a yo-yo, and an autographed Hogan Shirt

Vince: Well, we wont make any money out of the Hogan shirt. Hmmm. Hows our supply of WWE contracts?

Linda: Since firing Test, we're pretty good.

Vince: Right. Well we have $1.50, a yoyo and a hogan shirt.

Coach: Had

Vince: What?

Coach: Had a Hogan Shirt. I just sold it on ebay for 250 thousand dollars

Vince: What? who brought it?

Coach: Some person named Kamala

Vince: Kamala? From Playboy?

Coach: :shifty: ......uh, is that what he does now?

Vince: Great, I just thought of something.

Coach: What?

Vince: We hold a contest to see who can create the best gimmick. But we'll rig it so Kamala can win. I've always wanted complete Playboy model gimmick.

Coach: But boss, he's not...

Vince: We'll run it underground so we give all the fans a big suprise when the new playboy model gimmick comes out.

Coach: But boss...

Vince (on phone): Hello, Hugh Heffner, can I talk to Kamala.

**mumbles from phone**

Vince: Pacific Islands? Why should I try there?

**mumbles from phone**

Vince: They reside there? Ooooh, she sounds hot already.

*hangs up*

Vince: Alright guys, we can get ready...

*room is empty*

Vince: Guys? meh, Screw them, I cant wait for this new Kamala gimmick.

[Corkscrewed]

Kane and Lita: The Honeymoon

[FourFifty]

<font color=cyan><b>Kane:</b> So Lita, you got everything ready for our honeymoon?

<b>Lita:</b> Yes sweetie pie! I love you so much!

<b>Kane:</b> Uhhh... no, you don't.....

<b>Lita:</b> !taht toub' yorrS

<b>Kane:</b> ....:wtf:!!!

<b>Lita:</b> I called Triple H and they set everything up for our little get away in Hawiee.

<b>Kane:</b> Hawiee? I thought it was

<b>Lita:</b> IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THOUGHT!!!!

<b>Kane:</b> Okay, but what does Triple H have to do with it, or do you mean AAA?

<b>Lita:</b> H, A, they're both letters.

<b>Kane:</b> Well, where are our plane tickets?

<b>Lita:</b> Well, the plane was overbooked. Mark Henry said that Ric Flair told him that, so we're driving!

<b>Kane:</b> What have I done? What have I done?

[loopydate]

(On the plane, Kane is sitting in his window seat, grinning widely. He's listening to a CD, but his mind is clearly elsewhere. A stewardess approaches.)

STEWARDESS: Mister Jacobs, the flight is about to take off. If you could please turn off your electronic device until after we're at our cruising altitude...

KANE: Sure.

(Something dawns on him.)

KANE: Wait, did you say we're about to take off?

STEWARDESS: Yes, sir.

KANE: Where's my wife?

(He looks out his window, only to see a bad red dye job wandering around.)

KANE: Oh, fuck... She botched boarding...

[Xero]

:rofl: @ Loopy

(At a resturaunt)

Waiter: How are you two doing tonight?
Lita: Great! We're on our Moneymoon!
Kane (Under his breath): Honeymoon...
Lita: Honeymoon! And we're having a grating time!
Kane (Under his breath): Great...
Lita: Great time! So, what kind of water do you have?
Waiter: Uh... Tap?
Lita: GREAT! How much will that be!?
Waiter: Uh... It's free?
Lita: WOW! Dont tell me these bread sticks are free too!?
Waiter: Uh, yeah...
Lita: ALL RIGHT! (Starts to eat bread sticks)
Waiter: Uh... Can I take your orders?
Kane: **Sigh** I'll have the chicken parm... That's it...
Lita (With bread sticks sticking out of her mouth): Meef toof!

(After dinner)

Kane: Mmm, that was pretty good...
Lita (With tomato sauce dripping off her mouth): Yeah! Mmm mmm!
Waiter: Here's your bill...
(Lita looks at the bill)
Lita: WHAT THE HELL!? Oh, I get it... First you SUCKER us in with the free breadsticks and water, THEN charge us for our MEAL! Well, we aint payin! Comeon Kane!
(Kane throws down the money as Lita pulls him away)
Kane: God help me...

[Corkscrewed]

1000 pts to Loopy.


The WWE Dating Game

[deathtrap]

I'm not sure what The Dating Game is so I'm just gonna put the lamest one ever.

Kane: "You're all mine now"

[deathtrap]

YES that sucked

[Gone Mad]

Cole: And welcome to 'WWE's Date this!'. I'm the host Michael Cole along side... um, nevermind. You know the rules. A bachelor/bachelorette tries to find a suitable match by asking questions to get one of the three suitors. And since this is the WWE, anything goes! Now to introduce our bachlorette.. She is from Canada, and enjoys long walks on the beach and building model battleships and young up-starts and destroy them. Here is TRISH STRATUS!

(THEME SONG ENSUES) Trish [/slutty look]: Hello boys!

Cole: Ok..*coughSLUTcough* So ask away,Bachlerette!

Trish: Alright,suitor #2..

Suitor #2: Stay in the back! She'sa gonna ask me a quiestion...WAZZUPWITHAT?!

Trish: Weirdo..Ok,suitor #3... if we went on a date, what would we do?

Suitor #3: BAHGAWDITSAUSTINAUSTIN!!STUNNERNEARLIBROKINTWO!! ...um.. BARBEQUESAUSEUNPRETTIERDAMN!

Trish: That's hot..at least the barbeque sause is.. winkwink.

*audience laughs--*
Cole: SHUT UP! Next question,Trish.

Trish: Suitor #1.. If I was a sundae, how would you eat me?

Suitor #1: Well-uh.. I would-uh.. I AM THE GAME! THAT SONOFABITCH! ORTON! YOU SEE THIS! ...this..is the last thing you'll see.. consider yourself dead..

Suitor#3: BAWGAWD! HENEARLYBROKE HURRICANE INHALF! MYGOD!

Suitor#2 : [all bloodied up] I'm.. not Orton..I GOT A MASK,FOR CHRIST SAKE!

Cole: Ugh, just hurry up and chose,please.. Um..Trish?

Suitor#1: Sorry, just came back. Yeah, Orton...! Sorry.. but I got your girl.. Look-uh!

(HHH puts a video on and shows Trish drunk while at a drive-thru chapel with H.. sound familiar??)

Suitor#1: Sooo..I won! Take that, Orton!! I'M THE GAME!! HAHA!!
*'THE GAME' starts playing*

At home-

Steph (watching on TV): oHHHHH! Someone is going to Velocity for this!

(Heidenriech standing then Vince appears at Heiden's knees.)
Vince: Like HELL YOU WILL!

end...

[Corkscrewed]

:rofl:

[Innovator]

can't top that

[Corkscrewed]

72932 super compressed points to gonMad00 for that!


If a WWE wrestler was the next Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher in Harry Potter.

[Nowhere Man]

I refuse to have anything to do with Harry Potter, so I'm not going to touch this one.

[Corkscrewed]

hahaha

They're good books, actually, especially the newer and darker ones. :D

[Innovator]

Harry: EXPECTO PATRONA!!!!!!!!

*HHH no sells*

JR: PEDIGREEBAHGAWDPOTTERISBROKENINHALFTHATGIRLINTHEMOVIEISGONNABEHOTWHENSHESLEGALBBQSAUCE

[Gone Mad]

Eddie Guerrero: Odelay, holmes! I'm your new teacher! And now for your first lesson.. but first, you all paid for this class,right?

Kids: Yes.

Eddie: Oh, ok.. well then here's your lesson.. ***runs outside to lowrider,drives like bat out of Hell from the school while shouting--** ODELAY!!!
**'Lie,cheat,steal' theme playing**

Ron (Harry's friend): I don't think he's coming back.

Harry: ...What am I still doing here?! I got a family to feed..

end.. Harry returns in his next adventure "Harry Potter and the Hold-down aura of the DeadMan" .. ..( ! )

[Xero]

http://img50.exs.cx/img50/1958/harrypothead.jpg

Harry: Duuuuuuudddeee...
Bad Guy: Mecca lecka hi mecha hiney ho OWWWW!!

Oh, wait, you said Harry POTTER, not Pothead.... Nevermind... :shifty:

[Corkscrewed]

ROFLMAO!!!

*hits the buzzer*

100000 points to Xero! :rofl:


If Ric Flair had his own children's show in PBS...

[Gone Mad]

"Uncle Ric's Funn Time Stupid Good Time-arium..Show!"
**Evolution in animal costumes ensues BTW**

Batty Batista: Heyyyyy, Dribble H!! Do YOOOUUU know where Uncle Ric is???

Dribble H (in dog suit and holding a bloody Orton from his hair.. and he is wearing a duck suit): Dam--Darn it, Webby Orton! You took my title-uh,you goddamn sonovabitch...uh! ....Oh..I dunno..

Uncle Ric (in farmer suit): WHOOO!

Kids: YAHH!!

Random kid: Flair ROCKS!

Uncle Ric: It's me, the SISTINE TIME -- WHOO!-- WCW CHAMPION! Wheelin' Dealin'.. Son of a GUN! And Orton... I, uh.. ***flops to ground***

Kids: Um... YAHHH!!!

Dribble H (with Random Kid bloodied up in his hands): Orton! You see this?! This is what will happen to .. This is my show!! I am the GAME!!

Batty Batista: -- We'll be right back!

***Dribble H,now with sledgehammer in his hands, starts to destroy set as Flair is still on the floor ..and hasn't moved an inch..

enddd..

[Innovator]

Space Mountain Happy Hour, and here is RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC FLAIR

*Flair comes out in his robe...just his robe*

Flair: Kids, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, welcome to Space Mountain Happy Hour, where it's always open...and the line is always long baby.

*kids in audience are puzzled*

Flair: Today in the 4-Horsemen stable life advice section, I will tell you kids how to be a limosine riding, jet flying, wheelin n dealing, kiss stealing son of a -------

*Flair falls asleep, as HHH enters the show, spit still on his face from Orton*

HHH: ORTON YOU SEE THIS?! THIS IS WHAT YOU DID TO MEEUH! UNTIL UNFORGIVEN, THIS KID IS GONNA BE YOUUUH!

*HHH grabs random kid and proceeds to bash the kid relentlessly*

*Flair wakes up suddenly*

Flair: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO now time for meet and greet with the crowd!

*Flair runs into audience, kids run away from "Space Mountain"*

Flair: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[Xero]

(Music starts, we see a mini set of the RAW stage. Ric walks into his condo.)

Ric: Hey kids! Do you know what today is?

Kids: WHAT!?

Ric: It's fu...

(Doorbell rings)

Ric: I wonder who that could be?

(Ric opens the door, to find Vince McMahon dressed as a mail man)

Ric: Well, if it isnt my old friend... Who is it boys and girls!?

Kids: MISTER McFEELME!

Ric: That's right! What do you have for us today Mr. McFeelme?

Vince: Well, I just got this DVD converted to VHS... Cause I know how out of date you are... (Phoney smile) Anyway, it's a tape of you Ric, when we went on Space Mountian!

Ric: WOOOOOO! I was WONDERING when you'd bring this! C'mon kids, lets watch!

(Ric pops the tape in)

Ric: Ahh, here I am standing in line...

(Video shows Ric standing in line nude)

Ric: Ahh, remember that nice old lady there? She was fun...

Vince: Yeah!

(Video shows Ric harrassing an old lady in line going "WOOOOOO" and flopping his dick around...)

Ric: Ahh, now here's where we got on the ride... It was great fun...

Vince: Yep...

(Video shows Ric standing up in the front car of Space Mountian facing back twords the passengers.)

Ric: It was really windy that day... I almost caught a cold!

(Video shows Ric on Space Mountian, then getting off and pretending to hump the ride operator's leg. He runs.)

Ric: He was nice, but he had to go in such a hurry... I think he had to use the bathroom...

(Video shows security coming up to Ric with hand cuffs and a blanket... Ric runs into the nearest children's ball place to hide.)

Ric: Ahh, here's where we got into...

Vince: Okay, I was NOT there, just say YOU.

Ric: Oh, well, anyway, here's where I got into a rousing game of Hide and Seek with the nice police men. They found me and carried me off to the police car for a ride...

(Video shows the security guards beating Ric up with night sticks and covers him with the blanket. They take him to the police car where he's screaming "GET THE FUCK OFF ME!")

Ric: I was telling them that it was a nice car, but I had to be going... And that's the end of the tape! What did you all think!?

(Everyone, including the camera men stare at Ric)

Kids: ....

Vince: ...

Random Kid: AHHHH! WHAT WAS THAT MOMMY!?

Ric: Wha...

(The police break into the studio and take Ric away...)

Policeman: Sorry kids, Mr. Ric forgot to take his special, colorful pills today... And apparently that day he went on Space Mountian... He'll be back next time!

(Show ends with Ric kicking and screaming on the way out. Camera pans over to Vince, who's mouth is open.)

End show

[FourFifty]

<font color=cyan>Damn it! I missed out on the last two! Ah, and they could have been gold, gold I tell you! Gold!
Anywho… Onward, to the games!!!


<I>*And now it’s Prof. Flair’s Fun Time Classroom Of Joy*</I>

<b>Ric:</b> Woooo! Welcome to Prof. Flair’s Fun Time Classroom Of Joy, I’m your host and your teacher, the 56743986735986758096734 champion of the world, “Nature Boy” Ric Flair! Well kids, lets get to know each other! Little dork in the red hat, what’s your name?

<b>Kid:</b> I’m Mark!

<b>Ric:</b> GET THE HELL OUT OF MY CLASSROOM! YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO USE INSIDER TERMS! NOW LEAVE!!!! OUT!!! NOW!!!!

<b>Kid 1:</b> :'(

<b>Kid 2:</b> Prof. Flair, are we going on a field trip?

<b>Ric:</b> No, we aren’t. Why do you ask?

<b>Kid 2:</b> Because my mommy says you took her to space mountain.

<b>Ric:</b> WOOOOO! Did I ever!!!! But right now, we have a special guest speaker! Prof. HHH!

<b>HHH:</b> Okay Kiddies? How many of you are ready to learn physics?

<b>Kids:</b> …….

<b>HHH:</b> That’s good! Today I’ll teach you how to hold down an entire locker room. But first, Ric, who’s your daddy?

<b>Ric:</b> You are Hunter!

<b>Strong Bad:</b> Holy Crap!

<b>Ric:</b> Before we learn how to hold an entire locker room, we’re going to learn logic with Vince McMahon! And now everybody, Vince McMahon!

<b>Kids:</b> YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!

<b>Stage Hand:</b> Uh, Mr. Flair, Vince isn’t here. He just laughed when he was asked to come here and talk about logic, then he went back to teasing the cruiserweights.

<b>Ric:</b> Well then, how about another special guest! Let’s learn the geography of Southern California with a lady who has been to space mountain 58 times last week, Carmella DeCesare!

<b>Stage Hand:</b> She’s not hear either.

<b>Ric:</b> Why not?

<b>Stage Hand:</b> I don’t know, but since she posed in playboy the fans will forget her lack of giving a crap about the contest.

<b>HHH:</b> IT’S MY TITLE!!!

<b>Kid 3:</b> You posed in playboy?

<b>HHH:</b> I am THE GAMEUH!

<I>*Tune in next week to Prof. Flair’s Fun Time Classroom Of Joy, where his special guest will be Sean O’Haire and his philosophy, Baston Booger with physical health, and Doink The Clown*</I>

[Corkscrewed]

hehe... good stuff to everyone.

Baby [Any WWE Wrestler]'s First Words

[Corkscrewed]

example:

Baby HHH: "He he he he he! Hold down!"

[HeartBreakMan2k]

Lita: "Daddu"
Parents: "God damn, she even botched the word daddy"

[Favre4Ever]

Mom: Look what daddy's doing honey!!

JR: BAHGAWDSONOFAGUNHESWIPINGMYASSWITHAPEICEOFSANDPAPERGETMEMYBOTTLESTUNNERSTUNNERBAHGAWD!!!!

[Transplant]

Mom: Who's a boo? Who's a booboojooboo
Baby: Im Not Telling You Anything You Dont Already Know



Sorry, I had to do it.

[El Santo]

Billy: "I'm an Assman!"

Mom: *shocked* "My Lawd! Someone is askin' for a spankin'!"

Billy: "I mean ... I have ass..ma. I have asthma. Heh."

[FourFifty]

<font color=cyan><b>Mom:</b> Who want's to wear a cute little polo shirt?
<b>Hardcore Holly:</b> Damn it! I bust my ass off as I crawl from room to room, doing my thing, crapping myself, getting bumped and bruised every day, and you want me to wear a polo shirt??!?!?!?!

<i>*and he just learned to speak a few weeks ago*</i>



and now the super bonus round!!!

<b>Vince:</b> Bell! Ring bell! Ring bell! Bell bell bell! Ring bell, damn it!

[Mister Sinister]

Daddy: *covers his sons eyes then removes them* Peek-A-Boo....Where's Shane? *covers babies eyes*

Shane: Which Way Did He go? Which Way Did He go?

[Transplant]

*two parents are sitting on a room, passing a J. Smoke fumes fill the air. Baby RVD's eyes redden*

RVD: Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude

[Xero]

Mama: Where's Hunter? Where's Hunter!?

Triple H: Stephie... BANG BANG Stephie!

[Semetery]

Mummy: Aaaaw, what a cute baby you are, Mick.

Mick: I'm Mrs Foley's baby boy! Have a nice day! BANG BANG!

Mummy: Yes dear...

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>Daddy Booker: Son, I'm gonna show you how to whoop that ass and teach 'em all how it's done, now can you dig that.......

Baby Booker: SUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! *does a spinaroonie*

Daddy Booker:</font> :eek:

[Gone Mad]

Mom: Kane,baby. Can you say, "Mommy"?

Kane: hehee...MoooMMMMyyyyYYY??? MoommmmMMmyyy??? ahahAHAAAHAA!!
**waves hands and firecrackers go off,then theme plays on Casio**

[SuperSlim]

Mom: Look here... I got two surprises for you

Baby king: Puppies!

Mom: That's right, two adorable pet puppies.

Baby King: Puppies!

[Xero]

Dad: I didnt know he was teething...

Momma: Oh, you didnt know th...

Baby Road Dogg: YO ASS BETTA CAAAAAALLLL SOMEBODYYYYYY!!!

Momma: :wtf:

[Corkscrewed]

Taker: "Buy!"
Mrs. Taker: "No, dear, the word is 'sell.'"
Taker: "Buy!"
Mrs. Taker: "No, it's 'sell.'"
Taker: "No sell!"
Mrs. Taker: "Sell!
Taker: "No sell!"
Mrs. Taker: "Now if you don't say it you're not getting ice cream!"
Taker: "I'm gonna burn both of you...."

[Nowhere Man]

Vince Sr.: Look, honey! Our boy is talking!!!

Vince Jr.: I'm Vince McMahon, dammit! I'm Vince McMahon, dammit! I'm Vince McMahon, dammit!

[loopydate]

MOM: What is it, honey? Are you going to say something?
BABY CARMELLA: I love ze cock...
DAD: Awwwwwww. Just like her momma...
(Slap)

[Xero]

Mrs. Johnson: Ohh, baby make a poo poo?
Rock: I guess you SMELLLLL what the Rock... Is cookin... Huh ma?

[CANADIAN]

Jericho: Owwwwwwww
Doctor: Sorry mam your sun just hit his head on the glass ceiling.

[Xero]

Mama Austin: Does baby want his baba?
Baby Austin: NO! (Slap) ME WANT BEER!
Mama: WELL, I NEVE...
(Baby Austin gets up, walks for the first time, and gives Mama Austin the first ever Stunner)
Mama: That'll teach ya... NOW ME WANT BEER!
Baby JR: BAHGAWDBROKENINHALF!

[loopydate]

DAD: Okay. Can you say...credibility?
BABY HHH: Crebililily.
DAD: No. "Credibility."
BABY HHH: Clediblillity.
DAD: "Cred. Ib. Il. Ity."
BABY HHH: Hold down!

[Krypton Knight]

mom: do you want to say something?
baby kenzo (constipated look): :mad: REY MYSTERIO!!! :mad:

[Mister Sinister]

Mom: Randall, I want you to meet your Father, Bob Orton, He's a Legend in Wrestling

Baby Randall: :naughty:

Bob Orton: I think he likes me, he looks like he is about to say something, What is it son?

*Baby Randall extends his hand to his daddy*

Randall: Dad....Randy Orton....Legend Killer

*Baby Randy Orton jumps up and attempts to RKO his dad but botches it because of his small arms*

[Corkscrewed]

Rhyno: "Hehehehe! Cwazee gloo!"

[Transplant]

...and right now, somewhere else in the world, Bill Goldberg struggles to say his first word....

[Xero]

...and right now, somewhere else in the world, Bill Goldberg struggles to say his first word....
:rofl:

Baby Vince: Kroo job!
Vince Sr.: What?
Baby Vince: Kroo job!
Vince Sr.: What's he saying, hun?
Mama McMahon: I dunno...
Baby Vince: KROO JOB! KROO BRET! KROO BRET! HEARUT BRAK KIB! KROO JOB! RIG BELL! RIG BELL!
Vince Sr.: Screw... Job? What's that? And who's Bret?

[Krypton Knight]

Is it possible to post more then once? O well, here goes another one.

Dad: Now why did you go all over the house drawing on the wals with a crayon?
Baby Rikishi: I did it for The Rock.
:shifty:

[Jonster]

Is it possible to post more then once?
Yes, as long as it's not after one of your posts.

[Xero]

Mama Nash: Look Hun, he's watching TV!
Papa Nash: Awww...
(Kevin is watching a surgical show)
Narrator: And so, remember, it is VERY dangerous to tear your quadricep...
Kevin: QUAD! TEAR QUAD!
(Kevin gets up, tears his quad, and falls)
Kevin: WAAA! TEAR QUAD! TEAR QUAD! WAAAAA!

[Corkscrewed]

Hahahaha!!! *hits the buzzzer*

1000 points for Xero. Good mental image!


Dinnertime at the [insert WWE wrestler] residence.

[Innovator]

Lita: Ah Tuna Casserole!

*Lita places plate on table, all it is is a dead fish with breadcrumbs surrounding it*

Kane: Oh no I'm an excellent cook, I swear I won't botch it...fucking redhead

[tucsonspeed6]

Dinnertime at the "Ultimo Dragon" residence.

Mrs. Dragon: "Honey, when are you going to get done with that soup? The kids and I are starved!"

*The door busts open and Ultimo flies out with a huge pot of extra hot soup....

--Censored for the sake of Funky Fly---*

Mrs. Dragon: "AHHH! IT'S BURNING MY BEAUTIFUL FLESH!"

Ultimo: "%&*@#^!"

[Xero]

Dinner at the McMahons

Hunter: Okay everyone! Here's my specialty, Tuna Noodle Hold Down!
Linda: What's the hold down?
Hunter: Ketchup!
Linda, Shane, and Steph: :wtf:
Vince: SOUNDS GOOD!
(Hunter serves it, everyone takes a bite.)
Shane: Mmmm... Not *CHOKE* bad...
Linda: Eh... It's great, Hunter!
Hunter: Thanks, Ma!
Steph: This is... Excuse me...
(Steph runs off to the bathroom and you hear her throwing up.)
Vince: MMM! THIS IS GREAT! ANY SECONDS!?
Hunter: SURE!
(Hunter serves Vince the rest.)
Vince: This is even better than you in the ring, Hunter!
(Hunter gets up.)
Hunter: DAMN CASSEROLE! FOREVER YOU WILL BE PUT ON HIGH HEAT FOR 3 HOURS! THEN SEE HOW MUCH VINCE LIKES YOU!
Everyone: :wtf:

[Gone Mad]

Thanksgiving,2004. At the Helmslys --

Vince: Alright, Paul. Would you like to carve the turkey this time?

HHH (holding bloody Orton from the hair): You see this?! This is what's going to happen-uh to you, Mr. Turkey-uh! Armageddon! 2004! Steel-Cage! I.... AM THE GAME!

Flair: Whoo,he tolda that turkeys that he is te game. Nature boy.. the wheelin' dealin -- **FLOPs! **

Vince: Oh, Flair! That's why I love ya! Haha! Thank God we have wonderful talent here like A-train, Batista, and Heidenreich to celebrate the good year and my daughter..'s husband and... JERICHO?!

Jericho: Yeah?

Vince: WHERE'S MY DINNER, BITCH?!

hhh: (now holding bloody Eugene with one hand and the other a sledgehammer) Ooh, Vinny Mac! I'm glad you are my father....!

Vince: Oh, Hunter! **hugs H**

Shane: ... bastard...

Jericho: It could be worse.. you could be married to Lita.. oh,sorry Matt..

Matt (in cooking apron): :'(

end- uh...

[Transplant]

Dinner at the Van Dam House


Booker T (yelling to kitchen): So Rob, whats for dinner.

RVD (from kitchen): Dude, you're gonna be suprised by this.

**RVD comes out of the kitchen holding a very nice looking roasted turkey**

RVD: This is the coolest turkey anywhere. I bought it off my dealer....I mean....uh....Walmart....uh.....anyway...this is the coolest turkey ever. Check it out man.

**Booker inspects the bird. He doesnt see anything suspicious. He starts sniffing the air for some reason**

Booker: Hey man, whats that smell?

RVD: Oh....um....uh....The Rock.....yeah...uh....The Rock came over...uh....before...and...uh...

Booker: uh....what?

RVD:uh....he said...because...um...he said he was gonna help me cook it....you know?.....if ya smell what the rock is cookin?....ya know?...yeah, hes very hypothetical with that, uh....

Booker: um...ok. Whats so special about the bird?

RVD: oh, well ya see, it talks. Man, its one funny bird, it tells some of the dirtiest jokes, man.

Booker: uh...what?

RVD: oh yeah. **starts talking to the bird** hey Mike, tell Booker that joke about the 7 Irishmen and Carmella.

**Booker stares at Turkey, waiting for something to happen. Suddenly, Rob cracks up and nearly falls off his chair. Booker sits their giving an odd look to a histerical Van Dam**

Booker: What?

RVD: That was mad funny, dude.

Booker: What was?

RVD: oh dont worry.

Booker: oh im worrying. Can we just eat?

RVD: Yeah, sure help yourself.

**Booker graps a leg of turkey, and pulls out some stuffing. Rob grabs a roast potato with his hand, and starts shoeing away something around the potato**

RVD: Damn flying mice again. Im sorry, Book

Booker: Flying mice?

**Booker sticks his fork into his stuffing and brings it to his mouth. He stops just before throwing it into his mouth and sniffs it**

Booker: Hey, whats in this, man?

RVD: I dont know. Maybe the Gobbledy Gooker got to it.

**Booker shrugs, and sticks the fork in his mouth.He starts hallusinating**

Booker: man, you didnt tell me you had a pet pink elephant.

RVD: what are you talking about, dude?

[Corkscrewed]

1000 pts to gonMad00 with a nice punchline.

Welcoming advice for new WWE wrestlers.

[loopydate]

(Knock knock knock)

BENOIT: Come in!

(A n00b enters)

n00b: Mister Benoit?
BENOIT: You're the new guy, right?
n00b: Yeah. I have my first dark match tonight, and I was hoping you could give me some pointers.
BENOIT: Sure. First of all, you have to be careful when talking about human anatomy around Ric Flair.
n00b: Why?
BENOIT: Well, let's just say that - for reasons beyond explanation - you need to refer to them as your "frontal head region" and the "thing just above the back of my foot."

[Corkscrewed]

"Welcome to the WWE! Do not, under any circumstances, accept a 'cage party' from Mr. McMahon."

[Xero]

New Guy: Oh man, I'm really exited! My first RAW match!
Jericho: So, who are you facing?
New Guy: Hunter... And I'm schedueled to win!
Jericho: Oh... Thats... (Giggle) Great... BWAHAHAHAHA!
(Jericho bursts out laughing, RVD walks by)
Jericho: THIS KID IS FACING HUNTER IN HIS FIRST MATCH, AND HE THINKS HE'S GOING OVER!
(RVD looks at the new guy)
RVD: (Snicker) So... (Snicker) Is that what (Snicker) Vince told you?
New Guy: No, Mr. Flair did...
(RVD and Jericho look at each other, and burst out laughing)
Jericho: BAWHAHAHA! I BET HE TOLD YOU TO WALK HERE CAUSE THEY IMPOUNDED YOUR CAR TOO!
New Guy: Actually, yeah...
(RVD and Jericho start laughing harder and walk away)
New Guy: WTF is up with those guys!?


Edit: Damn, I really didnt go by this rule, all well :-\

[Gone Mad]

A clip from the new video for up-and-coming superstars : " Welcome, WWE rookies!"

***Undertaker, HHH, and JBL appear in a ring***
Undertaker: Welcome, rookies! It is great to have you new guys in our business and as you were told before, that this business was tough. You heard wrong.

JBL: Yeah, because with us as your bosses, this JOB will be a snap. Right, Hunter??

HHH: (now holding bloody Paul London in one hand) You are correct, Justin Hawk ...YOU SEE THIS!?! THIS IS YOUR FUTURE!! YOU WILL BE TRAPPED IN VELOCITY HELL AS LONG AS IM HERE!! I AM THE GAAAMMMEE!! ORTON, I WILL K-- (JBL and Taker holds HHH down..)

**edits, now hhh is with Kevin Nash and Flair with Taker and JBL are nowhere to be seen**
HHH: Sorry about that. **Taker,all bloodied up,crawls up to H's leg and H kicks it away** Now here is a good friend of mine, Big Daddy Cool, Kevin Nash and Ric Flair!

Nash: Hel -- **tears quad** AHhhh!!!! **falls to ground**

HHH : You see? This could happen to you as well. Many years of punishment could take its toll on your body, so make sure you really wanna do this.. **goes to Nash's ear** YOU HEAR ME,YOU SON OF A BITCH-UH!?! THAT'S FOR TAKING MY TITLE!!$@! AUSTINNN?!!

Flair: Exactly..well, except for the part when you dida the yellin' in the ear thing. So from all of us here, we hope you enjoy your time here in the --

Benoit (with maid outfit on): Don't do this, kid! It is the worst decision you could ever mak-- ***HHH beats him with a sledgehammer and then Flair flops***

HHH (gasping for air): ...WELL! Um, I hope you will join us at.. uh,...EDIT THIS TAPE!! ORTON!! ('The Game' playing)

**For more information on jobbing, call Chris Jericho and Kane at... **

FIN...

[Corkscrewed]

Monty Python's World Wrestling Entertainment

[FourFifty]

<font color=cyan><b>Steph:</b> Oh my god! Triple H! You're arm!
<b>Triple H:</b> Oh, this... It's merely a flesh wound.

And thus, from that day forward, Triple H contuined to no sell.

[loopydate]

BISCHOFF: There he is!
HHH: Where?
BISCHOFF: There!
HHH: What? Behind the retard?
BISCHOFF: It IS the retard!
HHH: You silly sod!
BISCHOFF: What?
HHH: You got me all worked up!
BISCHOFF: Well, that's no ordinary retard.
HHH: Ohh.
BISCHOFF: That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered retard you ever set eyes on!
FLAIR: You tit! I soiled my tights I was so scared!
BISCHOFF: Look, that retard's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!
BATISTA: Get stuffed!
BISCHOFF: He'll do you up a treat, mate.
BATISTA: Oh yeah?
FLAIR: You manky WCW git!
BISCHOFF: I'm warning you!
FLAIR: What's he do? Nibble your bum?
BISCHOFF: He's got huge hair - eh - he can take chairshots and not fall down - look at the bones!
HHH: Go on, Randy. RKO his head off!
ORTON: Right! Silly little bleeder. One retard job comin' right up!

[Savio]

How Hardcore Holly got his title shot.

[Xero]

(Holly knocks on Vince's door...)

Vince: Come in... Oh hi, Bob...

Holly: Hey Vince, listen, I've been thinking... I've been with the company for a long ass time... It's about time I...

Vince: You want to job to Hunter!? GREAT! I'll set it up right...

Holly: No no, I wanted to get a...

Vince: You wanted to get an ass fuck from me!? Well, I couldnt be happier!

Holly: No no no! Listen Vince, I've been with this FUCKING company for God knows HOW long, and I want a fucking title shot!

Vince: What show are you on?

Holly: SmackDown!...

Vince: Oh, fine... You can have it... I dont care about SmackDown! anyway... You got your shot at Lesnar...

Holly: Really? Thanks!

(Bob walks out happy...)

Vince (Into speaker phone): Betty, send in Brock Lesnar, I have an Email for him...

[Corkscrewed]

Um, who the fuck said you can change it, Savior? Go back to the Monty Python one. We'll do Hardcore next... but after MORE REPLIES.

[Savio]

I was messin around :lol:

[tucsonspeed6]

HHH: Old woman!
Flair: MAN!
HHH: I'm sorry?
Flair: I'm a man!
HHH: Well, I'm terribly sorry, but with the saggy boobs, I thought you were an old woman.





Don't like that? How about Lita singing her rendition of "Every sperm is wonderful"?

[Innovator]

*Vince and HHH are in a room*

Vince: So it's settled, Benoit regulated to HEAT and another title run for you
HHH: Hey you forgot Jericho's role
Vince: Oh yeah, CHRIS!
*Jericho walks in*
Vince: Since you're in the lead for Taboo Tuesday, we're gonna have Trish injure you, you're gonna be out for a year.

*Eddie busts into a room*

Eddie: NNNNNOBODY EXPECTS THE LATINO HEAT INQUISITION HOLMES!

[El Santo]

Goldberg! What you did to me at No Way Out, costing me my championship, was the only time you'll ever get the jump on me! When I meet you at Wrestlemania, you'll feel what it's like to be at the receiving end of an F-...

...Oh sod it. I don't want to rabid on all day for geeky internet fans and untraditional males. I wanted to be...

I wanted to be...

A FOOTBALL JACK!

Chorus: la-la-la LA laaaa....

Catching a second pass from the Giants of New York...

Chorus: la-la-la LA laaaa....

Playing tight end for the glorious Green Bay Packers...

Chorus: la-la-la LA laaaa....

The Bob Grieses.. the Dick Butkises ... ses...

Chorus: la-la-la LA laaaa....

The Testeverdes, the Willie Pounders, the Feeleys...


Chorus: la-la-la LA laaaa....

With mah best buddy at my side, I'd sing, sing, SING!!

I'm a Football-jack, I'm OK,
I crashed my bike but I'm a-Okay.

Chorus: He's a Football-jack, he's OK,
He likes old hags but he don't like gays.

I'll catch the pass, I'll block the blitz,
And chase girls with pom-poms.
If Sable's at the sidelines,
I'll tell 'em she's my Mom.

Oh, I'm a Football-jack, I'm OK,
I'll try for the Vikings 'till I'm old and gray...

I'll skip and dance in the endzone,
I'll sign autographs.
Unless your an internet smark,
'Cause then you'll be broke in half.

I'm a Football-jack, I'm OK,
I won't sign wrestling stuff, I'll toss it away...

He's a Football-jack, he's OOOOKKAAAYYY...
he'll probably return to the WWE someday.
What? Brock, stay back!

Argghhhhh ~~ !!!

Oh, God, help us!!!

I'm not dead yet!

[Azriel]

Case closed. Santo won that round. That was pure, unequivocal genius.

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>*All of the male WWE superstars are sitting in a classroom*

<b>HHH:</b> Now then, did I teach you how to get to the top of the company?

<b>Class:</b> No, Mr. Helmsley.

<b>HHH:</b> Alright then, *presses a button, a bed comes down from the wall* Honey, get in here!

*Steph comes in*

<b>HHH:</b> JERICHO!!! How dare you not stand in the prescense of my wife!!!

<b>Jericho:</b> Sorry, Mr. Helmsley.

<b>HHH:</b> It's off to Heat with you for 1 year. Anyways, honey, would you please assume the position.

<b>Steph:</b> *rips off clothes* Yes Hunter. *lays on bed* *HHH strips and mounts her*

<b>HHH:</b> Now, as you can see, at this point the penis is more or less fully erect. Just keep going up and down, moving the penis in and out. This is the one sure way to succeed in World Wrestling Entertainment, and....BENOIT??? What's so funny? Please, do share.

<b>Benoit:</b> Nothing, Mr. Helmsley

<b>HHH:</b> Fine, I think we have our main representative in today's Raw vs. Smackdown battle royal.

<b>Benoit:</b> :(

*Switch to a clip of Raw kicking Smackdown's ass, with HHH of course having no faith in the Raw roster and having to aid them despite the fact they don't need it*</font>

[Corkscrewed]

Oh man, you're right, El Santo takes that round. 10,000,000 points to El Santo for that.

Gimme a moment to gather myself for the next one. :rofl:

[Corkscrewed]

Ah hell...

How Hardcore Got His Title Shot

[Gone Mad]

Scene:WWE HQ, Mr. McMahon's office.

**buzzer**
Vince: Come in, Bob.

Hardcore: Hey,Vince.

Vince: Hey..now I know we have an appointment, but I am low on time so if you have important to say...

Hardcore: I do, I know. ....Well??

Vince: Well, what?!

Hardcore: ..How ya like me NOW?

Vince: My god... Brilliant! Hold on...**dials phone** Hunter?

Hunter (outside office with a cell): Yeah, pops?

Vince: HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW, BITCHES!

Hunter: HAHA! That's great! ...Hold on.. **holds up bloody Booker T. and starts punching him** YOU HEAR ME,BOOK! YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE RAW! NEVER! I AM THE GAME!

Hardcore: Hmmm..and I thought I knew how to beat a [/insert fuckhead comment here]!

Vince: Hehe.. That's it! You get a title shot on your first PPV back against Lesnar!

Then ...***phone rings**

Lesnar (on a computer,at the TPWWforums with purple shoulder pads on): DAMN HOMOS! VINCE NEEDS TO HEAR ABOUT THIS.. **picks up phone** Hey.. I was gonna call you.. Holly? Um.. sure..**hangs up** WHAT?! **reads a thread** "Goldberg to WWE"? Ha, lousy lonely mark homos! Good luck!

end... period.

[Xero]

(Holly knocks on Vince's door...)

Vince: Come in... Oh hi, Bob...

Holly: Hey Vince, listen, I've been thinking... I've been with the company for a long ass time... It's about time I...

Vince: You want to job to Hunter!? GREAT! I'll set it up right...

Holly: No no, I wanted to get a...

Vince: You wanted to get an ass fuck from me!? Well, I couldnt be happier!

Holly: No no no! Listen Vince, I've been with this FUCKING company for God knows HOW long, and I want a fucking title shot!

Vince: What show are you on?

Holly: SmackDown!...

Vince: Oh, fine... You can have it... I dont care about SmackDown! anyway... You got your shot at Lesnar...

Holly: Really? Thanks!

(Bob walks out happy...)

Vince (Into speaker phone): Betty, send in Brock Lesnar, I have an Email for him...




Dont feel like making another right now :shifty:

[CYCLOPTERSAURUS]

Holly: "Can I have a title shot?"

Vince: "Yes."

[loopydate]

HOLLY: Hey, Vince, you know what fans on wrestling websites hate more than me?
VINCE: Ten-day-old bumped threads?
HOLLY: Right!
VINCE: Have a title shot!

[Anybody Thrilla]

Make a new category, damn it! This thread is great, but this topic is sh</>it.

[Anybody Thrilla]

JUST JOE: Mr. McMahon! It's a pleasure to finally meet you!

VINCE: ...didn't I fire you like five years ago?

[Just Joe looks around nervously]

JUST JOE: Uhh....Guess what I heard!

VINCE: Not that I care, but what?

JUST JOE: Hardcore Holly said that jobbing on Velocity was the ideal career move! Working a light schedule like that, he said that he was basically collecting paychecks for nothing at all! Not to mention the lack of pressure due to minimum TV exposure!

[Vince furrows his brow.]

VINCE: That son of a bit</>ch said that?

JUST JOE: I swear he did.

VINCE: I'll show him...

[PorkSoda]

Lita: Hi vince, I think its time for Chris Benoit to get hardcore and get a title shot...what do you think?
Vince: Yes! I will give the fans what they want and give Hardcore Holly a title shot!

[Nowhere Man]

(*early December*)

Vince: Boy oh boy, I can't wait to get this Benoit vs Lesnar feud going; it's going to be great!

Low Rumbling Voice from Seemingly Nowhere: Viiiiiince.....Viiiiiince....

Vince: (*cowering*) .......yes, Satan?

Satan: It's time for you to hold up on the bargain....

Vince: B-b-but ratings are still down! Why do I need to sacrifice a main event spot when you haven't kept your part?!

Satan: SILENCE, MORTAL! You will give one of my minions a main event program, or suffer!

Vince: But.....Hunter already has the Title.

Satan: There is another of which I speak.

Vince: No, not---oh God, no! Not him!

(*Holly walks into the room*)

Holly: Oh, uh, hiya boss!

Vince: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! All right, damn your black heart, Holly gets the shot.

Satan: Ummm....actually, I meant Ultimo Drag--

Vince: Curse you and your foul ways, serpent! But if I must give the shot to Hardcore Holly, then I must.

Satan: You're not even listening to me, I said Ult--

Vince: Oh, I rue the day I forever damned myself to this fate! Fine, take the shot, Holly! Take the damned shot!!!!

[loopydate]

VINCE: Okay, Jim. In this pile, I have information on all of the top guys in the company. We're going to go through this man by man to figure out the best contender for the WWE Title.

JR: Good idea, Vince. What's the other pile?

VINCE: That's the pile of worthless wrestlers who I want to release in the next year.

JR: All right.

VINCE: We're going to go through that one next.

JR: So, who are we st-- (abrupt stop)

VINCE: What is it, JR?

JR: It's nothin', Vince. I thought I had ta sn-- (abrupt stop)

VINCE: You know, you're not supposed to stifle a sneeze.

JR: I'm fi--AAAACHOOOOOOOO!

(Papers go flying everywhere.)

VINCE: Son of a bitch!

Three hours later

VINCE: Okay, I think everything's back in the proper stacks. So, let's see who's fighting Brock at the Rumble...

[Gouda]

Hardcore Holly: *controversial statement in public*

Vince: OMG RATINGS! HAVE A TITLE SHOT!!

[Xero]

VINCE: Okay, Jim. In this pile, I have information on all of the top guys in the company. We're going to go through this man by man to figure out the best contender for the WWE Title.

JR: Good idea, Vince. What's the other pile?

VINCE: That's the pile of worthless wrestlers who I want to release in the next year.

JR: All right.

VINCE: We're going to go through that one next.

JR: So, who are we st-- (abrupt stop)

VINCE: What is it, JR?

JR: It's nothin', Vince. I thought I had ta sn-- (abrupt stop)

VINCE: You know, you're not supposed to stifle a sneeze.

JR: I'm fi--AAAACHOOOOOOOO!

(Papers go flying everywhere.)

VINCE: Son of a bitch!

Three hours later

VINCE: Okay, I think everything's back in the proper stacks. So, let's see who's fighting Brock at the Rumble...

I saw that one coming a mile away and it was STILL funny! :rofl:

[Corkscrewed]

10000 points to Loopy and Nowhere Man! That was awesome! :rofl:

The World's Worst Promo

[Impact!]

it wasnt my fault

[Xero]

Lita: ... And Bradshaw, I will take that suspender away from you and beat you with it! Yeah! I'm gonna be champ! I'm gonna be...

**Vince's music hits**

Vince: What in the FUCK... You arent going after the WWE title, you arent a heavyweight, or male for that matter, and you arent even on SmackDown!... What the fuck Lita!?

Lita: Oh, you mean this isnt a dream?

Vince: Wha... NO THIS ISNT A DREAM, GET OUT OF MY.... **Pause** Actually... Next week on SmackDown!, there will be an interpromotional title match! JBL vs. Lita!

**The next week**

Cole: OH MY GOD! LITA IS THE CHAMPION!

JBL: Oh come on, even I know I dont deserve the title, but HER!?

[Innovator]

HHH: ORTONUH!!! I AM THE GAMEUH!

*two hours later*

HHH: And thats the second time I got crabs...

[FourFifty]

<font color=cyan><b>Lita:</b> If I can be serious for a moment... I would like to talk about a subject that is close to my heart.... foot fungus! We must join the movement to get rid of foot fungus! For too long there has been a foot fungus epedemic in society!

<b>Kane:</b>Lllllllllllllllllllliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttttaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.. ....... Llllllllllllllllllllllliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttttttttttttttaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.........

<b>Lita:</b> Yes Kane?

<b>Kane:</b> First off, you're going to wrestle Gail Kim next week, not foot fungus... Second off, THERE'S NO FREAKIN' CAMERA AROUND!!!!

<b>Lita:</b> Well, if I can be serious for a moment, How do you like me now? Who's next, if ya smell what I'm making!

<b>Kane:</b> :|

[Xero]

**JR comes down to the ring for an interview with Mr. McMahon... Vince comes out...**

JR: BAHGAWDVINCE! BROKENINHALFBBQRINGCOLLAPESBAHGAWD!

Vince: Yes, it's been a while since I was in a ring in a wrestling role...

JR: BAHGAWDWRESTLEMANIAAUSTINAUSTINAUSTIN!

Vince: I'm very looking forward with my match at WrestleMania with Austin, there's no doubt about it...

JR: BAHGAWDAUSTINMONSTERTRUCKCRUSHVROOMVROOM!

Vince: What do you mean he ran over my car with a monster truck!?

JR: BAHGAWDAUSTINISHERE! BAHGAWDHERECOMESTHEPAINBAHGAWD!

Vince: He's HERE!? UH... I GOTTA RUN!

JR: BAHGAWDRUNVINCERUNBAHGAWDSCOLDEDDOG!

Fans: :wtf:

Guys in the back: :wtf:

People at home: :wtf:

Vince (In the back): What a promo! I feel more pumped than ever!

Lita: :wlt:

[FourFifty]

Lita: :wlt:

<font color=cyan> :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: I'm unsure if that's a typo, or Lita botching wtf, but it's funny as hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[loopydate]

LEMMY: Time to play the game...

JR: Bah gawd, King! Triple H is here!

KING: The Game had an emergency root canal just two minutes ago, but he no-so-- He's recovered from the anaesthetic.

HHH: rtsahnbfdytn 9oirtoinhm! yu9oiiu';l;kl nherver bedart5 nme foir tyyhe 2wotrldf t5ioler bercas7usde iamn trtye3 btgajm3!

JR: Could Randy Orton's career end tonight?

FANS: :wtf:

[Nowhere Man]

HHH: (carrying a bucket and spoon) Orton, this Sunday, I'm going to eat you alive!!!! Just like I'm going to eat this bucket of lard right now!

[Gouda]

*Kane comes from the back with a towel over his head*

Jerry Lawler: It's Kane! Where's Lita?! I want Lita! Puppies!!

JR: You and Matt Hardy are the only two I know who could want Lita...

*Kane steps into the ring and throws the towel of his head to reveal... HIDEOUS BURNS!*

JR: BAHGAWD!! He's hideous! What's the meaning of this?! I thought it turned out that Kane really didn't have burns!

*Kane grabs a microphone*

Kane: Thaaaaat's right eveeeeerybody! THIS is the reeeeeeaaaaal me! *heavy breathing* I know. You though I was NOOORMAL. Weeeell... *heavy breathing* You were wrooong. You seeeee... I.... have MERELY been weeeearing make up these past few moooonths. To cover my BURNS. NO LONGER! *heavy breathing*

Annnnnnd.... thaaat's not ALL. You seeee... in ADDITION.... this isn't reeeealy my voice. It's DUBBED! *heavy breathing* NO LONGER!!

*Kane pulls an electronic thingy out of nowhere and holds it to his neck*

Kane: *in electronic voice* I am monster again. ARRRRRRG!!! I will light you all on FIRE!

JR: BAHGAWD!!!!

-----------

*next week, Kane comes out without any burns and takes up the microphone*

Kane: I'm sorry. I lied. This is the real me. I also like classical music now. Hit my music!

*Beethoven's 9th symphony plays over the PA*

[PorkSoda]

Hardcore Holly: Brock! Im gonna break your ears! Oh wait...sorry. *Clears throut and gets an intimidating look* Brock! I hate you! Im gonna beat your arms off of your feet! Err damnit! Brock..Im gonna break face off! DAMNIT! This odisouly complex is really bad...I mean opedisly...err screw it. Brock! You made pissed of me, your going to get beaten like a son of a bitch and thrown down like the Russian in the movie Tocky. Brock, your ass is gonna get kicken, that I like. Help, you need mine? Given it to ya!

Cole: Help need mine, given it to ya. Now that is so Arkansas.

[Gone Mad]

hhh: ORTON! GET OUT HERE! (holds up a bucket of blue paint, a stuffed animal, and handcuffs) I THINK I HAVE SOMETHING THAT BELONGS TO YOU... **coughcoughFRAGGLEROCKcoughcough**

JR: And here comes RKO!!

***Randy's theme playing in the b/g as Orton makes his way to the ring ***

RKO: Ahem.. will the owner of the 98 Accord please move it from the parking lot? It is in a handicap spot and also has its lights on. Thank you.

*** "Hey! There's nothing you can say! Nothing's going ruin my mood today.."**

JR: BawGawd ! This makes sense! Right, Heidenreich?

King: ....Um, ....ok??

[Anybody Thrilla]

VAL VENIS: HELLOOOOOO LADIES! You know, the Big Valbowski treats STDs like Pokemon. It's gotta catch 'em all! Now...who wants to kiss me and pass out?

[Mr. Nerfect]

Heidenreich: I wrote a poem for you Lita:

I love your plastic butt
You little sl*t
I wish you would be my friend
To the very end

That was a poem by Heidnereich.

Lita: Oh my Gof, Heidenreich. That was so sweet. I ate a poem for you too:

Roses are yellow
Trees are red
I met an indy jobber
And I have him...

*WHAT DOES EVERYBODY WANT? Al Snow interupts*

Al Snow: LITA! I WANT MY DOG BACK!

Lita: I told you I tried walking him and he ended up having relations with David Beckham and it was sold to the tabloids and it had a miscarriage due to Gene Snitsky hitting it with a steel chair.

Gene Snitsky: It wasn't my fault!

Heidenreich: Al Snow had a dog. It's buried in the bog.

Lita: Botches crying and ends up performing world class circus act.

Al Snow (thinking): Why am I here?

Jim Ross: BAHGAWDSTUNNERSLOBBERKNOCKERBBQSAUCEAUSTINORTONRKOGOVERNMENTMULESCOLDEDDOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!

[Xero]

Rock: Finally... The Rock... HAS COME... Aww fuck it, you know I'm only here to build up a program with Cena and job at WrestleMania... Why not get it over now? Cena, get your ass out here and pin me! **Lays down**

Vince (In the back): WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING!?

Lita: Uh... I may have thrown his script away while cleaning up his locker room and rewrote it to the best of my momory...

Vince: Oh for fuck's sake...

Rock: COMEON CENA!

Cena: Should I go out?

Vince: **Sigh** Yeah, but just give him the FU...

**Minuites later**

Rock: How'd I do!?... What?

**Everyone but Rock looks at Lita.**

[Corkscrewed]

The WWE Hoedown

Now before I go on, I'd like to elaborate that you're supposed to sing a four line stanza like they do in the Whose Line Hoedown game (typically used in the last segment of the show). On the show, they have four people, and each person sings four lines to a sort of cowboy beat. Typically, they use this to insult each other, but it's always based on a subject.

So basically, come up with a quick song that is exactly four lines, no more no less. I'll come up with one in the next reply to give you an idea of the beat of the tune.

BTW, here's a quick sample of an actual Whose Line hoedown. You can year the tune, so you get the beat. :D
http://www.geocities.com/skategod77/Doctor.zip

There's a whole page devoted to hoedowns, though some are from the British version of the show.
http://www.geocities.com/hoedownsite/downloads.html

[Corkscrewed]

I am a wrestler, oh yes I'm mean and strong.
I go and beat up others guys; my hair is very long!
People always dread me as well as my friend the Naitch.
They get stuck in the crucifx and go, "DAMN YOU TRIPLE H!"

[Mr. Nerfect]

I am a wrestler, I have an cushy life
I get paid lots of money, I may even hit my wife
But even with reactions of heat and pops
If I ever need a ovation, I pull out the Flair flops

*Falls face first to the ground*

I respect those guys for getting something really funny into a short four lines.

[Corkscrewed]

Wow, they actually did one!
http://www.geocities.com/hoe_down123/wrestling.zip

And just the background music.
http://www.geocities.com/hoe_down123/Zoo.zip :D

[Corkscrewed]

Nice one Alienoid! :lol:



I am a showstopper oh yes I am a star.
I have beaten all the best and I have come real far.
You will be amazed by my high flying style.
But if I have to job a belt then I just lose my smile!

[Mr. Nerfect]

I am a babyface, I get a lot of cheers
I hit an elbow drop and the whole place cheers
When it comes to movies, I get good roles 'coz I'm good looking
That's the end of my song, if you smell what The Rock is cooking

BTW, I actually heard them do that wrestling one, can't believe I forgot to bring it up. :lol:

[Transplant]

Wrestlings quite degrading, its really kinda sad.
Never liked it but im in the footsteps of my dad
Rising to the top is hard, you have to show demand.
But last time I asked for a push, I spooned with Vince McMahon

[Transplant]

Walking through aenas with my bright pink underwear.
Some guys can say Im homo, but I dont really care.
But wrestling should be considered as just another sin.
Because in wrestling, its only just a game of gay chicken.

[Corkscrewed]

Wow. We rock. :D


I used to be a wrestler but got taken off TV
Cuz I was too popular as far as Vince could see.
Now when smarks remember me they're always filled with rage.
They agree it's a travesty that I'm always in a cage.

[Mr. Nerfect]

Wow. We rock. :D


I used to be a wrestler but got taken off TV
Cuz I was too popular as far as Vince could see.
Now when smarks remember me they're always filled with rage.
They agree it's a travesty that I'm always in a cage.

HAHA! :lol:

[Mr. Nerfect]

I am a female wrestler, I kinda botch a lot
But I still have a job, 'coz my boss thinks I'm hot
I'm currently dating another superstar
In case you were wondering his name is Matt Hardy

Anyone get the end? :shifty:

[Transplant]

ROFLMAO guys

[Tazz Dan]

I am a female wrestler, I kinda botch a lot
But I still have a job, 'coz my thinks I'm hot
I'm currently dating another superstar
In case you were wondering his name is Matt Hardy

Anyone get the end? :shifty:

Botched :lol:

[Transplant]

Workin At White Castle, Drive My Parents Car.
Hate It, But One Day Im Gonna Be a Superstar.
Gonna Be All Famous, All Over the TV
But Until Then Im Wacking Off To Val Venis Porn Movies

[Aussie Skier]

I like to smoke bongs, the ole mary jane,
I only do 5 moves, every match its the same,
The five star frog splash, off the top is where I go
My name is RVD, the whole f'n show.

[Afterlife]

I'm a superhero, I like to do my job
But it seems that I'm the one who's always getting robbed
I used to be a favorite, my enemies stood back!
But now I'm getting beat by Flair? C'mon, whatsupwitdat?

[Afterlife]

It'd be JR and King as the two old guys in the box.

(sorry - I don't know their names or have pics of them and I can't be arsed looking for them either.)

(actually it surprises me that I made this post in the first place!)

(Points for effort at lack of effort?)

This is incredibly useless AND irrelevant, but the bald one is Waldorf and the other is Statler. :-\

[El Santo]

I used to be a jobber, but now I am the Man.
Because I'm now the Chief-of-Staff of some Republican.
I can take the Last Ride, I can be crucified,
Just don't you ever say that I'm Wayne Brady personified.

...Because I WILL choke a bitch, gosh darned it! I swear it! I SWEAR IT!

[Gouda]

Oh well I used to rap, I used to rap real fine.
But now I hoedown and I really shine.
Have no fear, do not despair.
There'll still be poop jokes to add some flare!

[loopydate]

Back in '97, they said that I was burned
It was all in my head, that's something you all learned
I may be strong, but I'm much better than Lex
I just can't walk, 'cause my wife botched oral sex

[Corkscrewed]

LMAO!!! Awesome!!!!!

[Corkscrewed]

Watching wrestling matches, oh yes it is the best.
I've been calling matches with my Oklahoma zest.
I like lots of wrestlers but my favorite is the hoss.
I go BAWGAWDROCKBOTTOMSTUNNER and then chug my BBQ sauce!

[loopydate]

LOL

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>I was a wrestler, but I left cause I got bored.
The smarks got pissed, I'm sure they all wanted to stab me with a sword.
They are all happy, that I didn't make the cut.
But the Vikings are upset, cause my girl, she was a slut.</font>

[Corkscrewed]

Let me tell ya brotha, I'm a legend here.
My music hits; the crowd goes wild; I motion to my ear.
But I'm a selfish bastard; my greed will never stop.
And it's really sad that my finisher is a leg drop.

[MRAT=VEGETABLES]

I am the WWE champion
My name is JBL
When they say I have no edge how can I blame them
my finishers a clothsline from hell



:| that was hard

[Xero]

I am Chris Jericho, I used to be the Champ
But then I fucked Stephanie, And she's a real tramp
Hunter beat the crap outa me at WrestleMania
Now I'm stuck in midcard hell, kissing Vince and Linda

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>I am the Nature Boy, an icon of wrestling.
I've beaten all of the greats including Hogan, Funk, and Sting.
I can beat anybody, anyone around the globe.
Of course it's because they run away, once I remove my robe.</font>

[Xero]

I am Brock Lesnar, I quit the WWE
I ran straight to football, it really was for me
They sent me an Email, saying I was cut
So I threw my computer into Sable's butt

[FourFifty]

<font color=cyan>Mysterio, mysterio, mys-te-re-o!
Myst-erio, mys-mys-mysteri-oooo!
Myssssssssterio, mysterio, mysteriiiiio!
I should be in Ohio Valley!!!!

[FourFifty]

<font color=cyan>Any rules on posting twice, back to back? Well, if there is, b'eh, you won't notice because I'm sneaky and I'll change my font color!

<font color=white>My name is Hidenrich, and I write poetry!
Michael Cole is a hottie, he’s one all should see!
Since I’ve been to OVW my skills improved a bit!
And when I screw up I throw a hissy-fit!

[Xero]

Lita Lita Lita, that's her name
She botches this and that, and is married to Kane
She saw Matt kissing someone smart
So she got up and botched ripping a fart
Lita: OHUH!

[loopydate]

Bah Gawd Triple H! Damn your soul to hell!
You son of a bitch! Somebody stop this...ell?
That's a poor defenseless woman, what is wrong with you?
I'm just kidding, Hunter, but the Kool-Aid's turning blue...

Okay, that was stupid.

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>I am Orlando Jordan, that's my name.
I'm a wrestling Smackdown superstar, that's my game.
I am JBL's chief of staff, don't you know?
All he has to do is yell "Operation Human Shield GO!!!"</font>

[Xero]

Kurt Angle is the man, it is damn true
He likes to hunt Big Shows with his crew
He shaved the show's head, it was very nice
Now that Show is bald, he wont give others lice

[El Santo]

I'm a wrestling jobber, I'm usually on Heat,
I'm the only guy backstage who they let Maven beat.
I don't get entrance music, my name you'll not deduce,
Because according to Al Snow, I'm "Something Babaganoush."

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>I am Stevie Richards, getting ready to job on Heat.
I swear they throw darts just to see who I'm not gonna beat.
But I have a special advantage, one that no one can see.
Let's just say, John Cena's right, you really CAN'T see me.</font>

[Afterlife]

My name is Hunter Helmsly, I try to look the smart
I hide behind my cronies and I play the coward's part
The talent wants my title, but I'll never set it free
I'll make my thugs disrupt the match, and then it's PEDIGREE!

[Corkscrewed]

mmm... still the bestest. :D And try to add some variety.


If you want to make an awesome WCW debut
Just dress yourself in a big mask with shining silver hue.
You'll be hyped up, and you'll be standing tall.
Just remember when you come out, don't go crashing through a wall!

[Afterlife]

My name's Hector Guererro, I am a silly man,
I dressed up as a turkey and I got booed by the fans
I didn't really do much, my career was quite short-living
I never did get fired, but they ate me for Thanksgiving

[Transplant]

24 inch pythons, Im friends with the McMahons
If they ever need me, I'll do the best I can
I'll wrestle in the odd match, Leg Drop's my favourite hit
just be carefull when you punch, I have epileptic fits

[Afterlife]

lol

[Afterlife]

I used to be a wrestler, I had my share of bouts
I'd cut off people's hair and then I'd stuff it in their mouths
I used to be so proud, but now I see it's a disgrace
At least that's the excuse I use for why I hide my face.

Yeah, it's mean, but it's not like he'll know I said it. :p

[Mr. Nerfect]

My name's Hector Guererro, I am a silly man,
I dressed up as a turkey and I got booed by the fans
I didn't really do much, my career was quite short-living
I never did get fired, but they ate me for Thanksgiving

:lol: Viva La Raza!

[Xero]

24 inch pythons, Im friends with the McMahons
If they ever need me, I'll do the best I can
I'll wrestle in the odd match, Leg Drop's my favourite hit
just be carefull when you punch, I have epileptic fits
:lol:

[Xero]

I went to WCW, it was a fun time
Ric Flair, Sting and Hogan, they were all mine
I gave someone the title, boy was that a mistake
The fans all took me and threw me into a lake

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>I want a shot at the belt, I've been really deprived.
One title shot in two years? Not fair, that belt should be mine.
But Russo is a moron, so he'll prolly make me job.
To Monty F'KN Brown? Man, that main event will bomb.
Quoth the Raven, NEVERMORE!</font>

[Xero]

Dead Man Walking, that really is my quote
Paul Bearer, I drowned him in that moat
I've got a hat, a coat and a tank top
Internet fans sure thought that I would flop

[loopydate]

I'm a wrestling jobber, I'm usually on Heat,
I'm the only guy backstage who they let Maven beat.
I don't get entrance music, my name you'll not deduce,
Because according to Al Snow, I'm "Something Babaganoush."
:y: X 8,549,176,320

[El Santo]

I'm Master of the Universe, Sid Vicious is my name,
I'm legitimatelly Psycho 'cause I've a slightly damaged brain.
See, Taker dropped me on my head one Wrestlemania night.
He smelled what I was cooking ... in my wrestling tights.

[El Santo]

Aw hell, one more:

Dubya is an idiot, John Kerry --- he can die,
Republicans and Democrats can both kiss my backside.
I'll vote Jesse Ventura for Prez 2008,
He'd never preempt Smackdown for the President's Debate.

(Note: the above doesn't necessarily reflect my political views. In fact, not at all. ;) )

[FourFifty]

<font color=cyan>My views on WWE are bleak, some of the “talent” sucks.
I can’t believe that week after week I pay my big bucks!
It should be run by Shane, but it’ll be done by Triple H and his ho…
I’m not telling you anything that you don’t already know!

[Nowhere Man]

I came here with a huge start, it sure went really well,
Now I'm stuck on Smackdown in the pit of midcard hell
My career got slammed by a big-nosed nepotistic muthafucka,
I'm a five time World Champion getting treated like a SUCKAAAAAAAA

[Xero]

I am the first Grand Slam Champ, that really is the truth
I used to have a great career, it said so in the booth
I kiss up to Hunter and stay in the main event
Now I'm stuck in midcard hell, and Hunter aint no gent

[PorkSoda]

I am a wrestler, my nickname is The Game
My finisher is the Pedigree, and I like to no sell
Everytime I win a match that means I held them down
No wonder why JR says "DAMN YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL"

[PorkSoda]

I am a wrestler, my nickname is The Game
I didnt get it by accident, I got it from fame
Everytime I win a match its usually cause I no-sell
No wonder why JR says "DAMN YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL"

[Xero]

My name is JR, and I spaz with BAHGAWD
Then I usually say HE RAN LIKE A SCOLDED DOG
But you dont know how much I'm in trouble
Vince makes me suck on him and blow a big ass bubble

[Anybody Thrilla]

There was a time where I would rap, my hands up in the air
From Ministry to King of Ring, I always would be there
Some people like to criticize because I'm way too fat
And now it's back to my old job, would you like fries with that?

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>I am the French Phenom, I am Rene Dupree.
One of the best up-and-comers in WWE history.
But I want to answer a question, that I'm asked every night.
Yes, that is my dick that you see bulging in my tights!</font>

[Innovator]

I'm a backstage booker, but my husband runs the show
if you call me fat then your hair will have to go
When I talk on the mic I make the fans all sick
maybe it'll be better if I show them by ping-pong ball trick

[Corkscrewed]

I think all this fuss on Randy Orton is real sad.
He's only famous 'cause he has a wrestler for a dad.
He's overrated; he never should have gold.
But I changed my mind when he came and gave me an RKO.

[Corkscrewed]

I came up with a crapload, so I'll just add another one before waiting five minutes. :D


Life for an ex-wrestler can sometimes be quite tough.
With no idea on what to do the times can become rough.
But I found something to do; I can do it all day.
I just sign some 2x4s and sell them on eBay!

[PorkSoda]

I pissed off Mcmahon one night backstage at Raw
He thought Undertaker was good as a singles star
He thought of an angle, something that could be real
So in November he decided to drown me in oatmeal.

[Anybody Thrilla]

I am Kevin Nash and I--AHHH! MY QUAD!

I can't continue with this hoedown.

[Corkscrewed]

Sonofa... I was gonna post a Nash one. Oh well...

Wrestling's pretty easy when you stand seven feet tall.
I hardly eve have to work or do anything at all.
Ladies love me, they think I am a god.
I would still be wrestling 'cept that I just tore my quad.

[Corkscrewed]

There are lots of people who think that I am insane.
I ramble and I mumble; I've even changed my name.
Smarks think that I'm weird, they give my lots of shit.
But remember I pinned Triple H in under two minutes.

[Fryza]

Ohhh, I was once a wrestler, my name was really big.
Then I made that fatal error of taking that first swig.
Oh if I could only turn back the hands time.
But I'm just to hammered to think of a better rhyme.

:-\ Well that sucked..

[loopydate]

My partner's name is Rhyno, we're both really extreme
We like to eat our pumpkin pie with plenty of whipped cream (?)
But, my name's Tajiri, and it's quite clear I'm the man
And...GODDAMMIT, RHYNO! The mic's stuck to my hand!

[Xero]

My name is RVD, and I am really high
I really like to smoke when I feel very dry
I dont think... Hey is that a pink elephant?
I better stop this hoedown, cause elephants cant rant

[Corkscrewed]

I know the secret to getting title gold.
I don't even have to know a single wrestling hold.
I don't need great timing, I can be quite off.
My secret's to go to Germany and say, "Everyone! Heil Adolf!"

[Anybody Thrilla]

You don't deserve a hoedown if you haven't paid your dues
You contest winning as</>sholes don't deserve to tie my shoes!
Give me a shot at Maven and I'll smack off his eyebrows
And laugh at him with Billy Gunn, hey, how do you like me now?

[Xero]

I am a woman wrestler, and I like to make sex tapes
I used to know Triple H, oh yes we went on dates
But now I am with X Pac, oh yes it is true
But now that he's inadeqate, we use a dildo or two!

[El Santo]

You don't deserve a hoedown if you haven't paid your dues
You contest winning as</>sholes don't deserve to tie my shoes!
Give me a shot at Maven and I'll smack off his eyebrows
And laugh at him with Billy Gunn, hey, how do you like me now?

:lol:

Pretty good one.

[Corkscrewed]

Nice. 10000 points to loopydate, Anybody Thrilla, Xero Limit, Transplant, El Santo, and anyone else who did a hoedown.

And 99999999 points to me because I'm still the awesomest. :D



If Ric Flair was YOUR neighbor...

[Anybody Thrilla]

FLAIR: I'm a SIXTEEN TIME WORLD CHAMPION! WOOOOOO! I'm a kiss stealin', wheelin' and dealin', jet flyin', limosuine ridin', son of a gun! WOOOOO!

ME: ...so you don't have a cup of sugar?

FLAIR: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (flops into the front lawn)

[Gone Mad]

SETTING: gonMad's house, Miami, FL.

**BTW, gon's got an attractive wife.. ROOOOOWWWRRR..**

(doorbell rings)
gMad: Oh, that's Ric. Remember the big time wrestler I told you about. He's here, honey.

wifeMad: Sure you did, Mad.... you drunk!

gMad: Yeah...I am one bastard of a drunk.. Oh, yeah, the door!

Ric: WHOOOO!!! PLEASURE TO MEET YOU, NEIGHBOR! WHOO!! Let's talk about stuntmen like Mick Foley! That jerk! I am so jealous of him! Whoooo!!!

WifeMad: Can you say anything else but "Whoo"???

Ric: Yup......hooooo!!

gMad: Hey, you brought a friend! Triple H???! With Key Lime Pie????

hhh: Orton!... I mean... um, you? Mr. Brown Shirt? ...uM.... GIVE ME ATTENTION!!! GAME.. (pulls hammer out of his own ass and begins to smash Mad's mailbox and lawn gnomes)

gMad: Uh, yeah, whatever. Big fans... um, Flair?? (watching Flair fig-four the family dog)... you mind not doin' that?

Flair: gonMad.... You are an under-rated captioner who has a very attractive wife... WHOOOO!! ...I hate Bret Hart FOR NO REASON! DAMN DOG SHIT ON MY LAWN!

gMad: I kinda suck, dude, but not as much as you. Douche! You complain about these guys but damn it, look at yourself. You haven't faced facts that you need to retire because you can't hang with the big boys anymore and well, you're just in denial that your career is over. I mean, how many comebacks have you had again?! GOSH!!

Ric: ........ My son did Stacy.

wifeMad: I'm sorry if he offend you, Ric--

Ric: It's ok. Anyway, if you wanna go for drinks then just come by... Sorry, kids..

gMad: Well, it's alright. As long as you realize your mistakes then it will be o... (CHAIRSHOT OUT OF NOWHERE.. BY FLAIR!)

Ric: WHEELIN' DEALIN'.. WHOO.. SON OF A GUN!!! WHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! *FLOPS*

wifeMad: NOOO.. ah, who cares? (To HHH) So, how YOU doin', big boy?

HHH: Sorry.. I like dudes! STELLLLAAAA!!!... I meant, ORRRRTTTONNN!!!

gonMad: ...ugh.. worst... ending... ever.. **death rattle**

end.. for now.

[FourFifty]

<font color=cyan><b>Ric:</b> WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I’m the 56047 time WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD! WOOOOOOOO!!! I'm a kiss stealin', wheelin' and dealin', jet flyin', limousine ridin', son of a gun! WOOOOOOOOO!!! And I’m your neighbor… And when you live in a glass house, and you’re name is Ric Flair, you can do anything—
<b>Me:</b> But it’s adobe, not glass.
<b>Ric:</b> Whatever kid. What’s your name?
<b>Me:</b> Mark.
<b>Ric:</b> DON’T YOU EVER USE INSIDER TERMS AGAIN! I’M THE NATURE BOY AND YOU ARE NOT TO FU(RIN*#&A$# <I>*flopz*</I>

[Transplant]

^LMAO, I was waiting for a "term" thing

[Impact!]

Me: hey ric
Ric:WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO im a kiss stealing, wheelin and dealin, jet flying, Limosine ridin, son of a gun WHOOOOOOOOO
Me: How are you a son of a gun ???
Ric: dont you insult the "nature Boy" or his dad!!!!!!!
Me: so your dad is a gun
Ric WHOOOOOOOOOO (flops)
Me: anyway can i get my Shoes back, U stole them yesterday, and my heels are starting to hurt
Ric: U SAID HEEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Huh
(ric flair knife edge )
Ric: WHOOOOOOOOOO, that will teach u to say that
(in background )
Triple H: hay Naich get back to bad



Sorry that was bad :-\

[Aussie Skier]

I'm a backstage booker, but my husband runs the show
if you call me fat then your hair will have to go
When I talk on the mic I make the fans all sick
maybe it'll be better if I show them by ping-pong ball trick

LOL!!!!

LMFAO

[Mikey]

Ric Flair getting the newspaper:

Flair music hits,comes out door with robe, does twirl, Wooooooos at neighbors, has someone open gate for him, gets paper

[Xero]

(Ric Flair is at a birthday party)
Ric: So Lucy, you 18 yet?
Lucy: No...
Ric: So how ya doing Betty?
Betty: Not ba...
Ric: WOOO! NOT BAD!? WOOOO! THAT'S THE WORD OF THE DAY! WOOOO! (Strips Down) HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUCY! WOOOO! WOOO! MY DAUGHTER IS BEST FRIENDS WITH YOU!!!! WOOOOOOO!!!!!
Lucy: Oh God... (Faints)
Betty: Holy shit, no wonder you got in trouble... You could put an eye out!
Ric: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Flops)

[MRAT=VEGETABLES]

All right, if you've ever watched that show Whose Line Is It Anyway? you've probably seen a segment called Scenes from a Hat, where the host pulls out a "scene" written on a sheet of paper from a hat and has the actors act it out.

Basically, I'll be pulling out "scenes" for you guys to act out in a humorous manner. The object of the game is to come up with the funniest response. You might remember a few months ago, someone started a thread called "Things you shouldn't say to Triple H," and everyone gave a lot of great responses of their own. This is pretty similar, except that every few days, I'll come up with a new scene.

It's pretty simple, but I do have a few notes. Because this is just a message board you can't really act out something, so responses will have to use a bit of roleplay. It's sort of like captioning or even that TPWW Hardcore Championship thread, where you "act something out" through writing. I say this because sometimes, I'll give a scene, and a reply may just be a simple one or two word statement. I'd like to encourage people to act out stuff instead. For example, if the scene is "Inappropriate moments to do so-and-so," instead of just saying something like "after bed" or "in the morning," act out that scene. If the scene asks for a movie name, maybe give a bit of a trailer that might air for that movie.


Just a few rules:
- ONE SCENE PER REPLY. You can only post one "response" at a time. Don't list a whole bunch of them in one post. This is just to allow others who might have a similar idea to get their chance to post.
- NO DOUBLE POSTING. Obviously, since you can only post one answer at a time, some might feel tempted to post six replies in six posts. That's kinda cheap, so I'd like to discourage that. If you have two or more good ones, either wait for someone else to post one of theirs or wait five minutes.
NOTE: Technically, I can't prevent people from multi-posting, so if you did double or triple post, it'd be okay... but try not to make a habit of it. Like, once a week or month is the max.
- The only double posting allowed is to respond to another person's scene in one post and then give your own example in another. Obviously, if you think someone posted a classic respond, by all means show your approval with a :lol: or :rofl: or whanot. That way, we can have sort of like a live audience thing.
- Please try to keep your scenes short. Few people like to read whole biographies for these things. :)
- Once a round is over, no more replies can be made for it. Make your replies only for the most recent scene suggestion.


Anyway, sorry about all those rules, but I'd like to be clear about the game. It's really pretty simple and has the potential for gold (El Santo, Rock Bottom, Loopydate, Kane Knight, Nowhere Man, I'm looking at you guys) from everyone, really. I just want to make sure it doesn't get screwed up.

Anyway, first scene coming up...



maybe the winner of a category could earn a rep from you or something

[PorkSoda]

Flair going out to start the car....and he opens the door and it hits him in the head, causing him to flop down.

:nono: :|

[Corkscrewed]

Somehow that gave me a funny image, so I'll give you 1000 pts for that.


Odd things to ask in the middle of a match.

[Xero]

**Big Show goes to the back to get something, and he walks past Vince (This is off camera)**
Show: Uh, Vince...
Vince: GET OUT THERE!
Show: Uh... I ate something **FART** rotten for lunch... Can I use the bathroom real quick?
Vince: SHIT!
Show: Yes, that's what I have to do!

[Gone Mad]

JR: BAWGAWD This Is gOnna Be Onneee Helllova SLoBBerKnocker BetWEEn Randy Orton And Batista !!!

Batista (middle of Orton's headlock): Um, if Doink change his name, what would he change it to?

Orton: ..Um, maybe Spots or Bubbles or maybe even D --

Batista: ... You ever seen Gladiator movies, Johnny??

Orton: :mad:

end!

[Xero]

(Triple H has Orton in a headlock)
Triple H: Do you think these tights make me look fat?
Randy: Uh... No?
**Triple H wrenches Orton's neck**
Randy: Yes!?
**Again he wrenches Orton's neck**
Randy: Slightly, only slightly?
Triple H: That's better...

[Disturbed316]

*Christy has Lita in a headlock*

Christy: So Lita, what do I do next?

[Jonster]

Remind me what my finisher is again...

[Xero]

(Triple H, Ric Flair, and Batista are in a six man tag. Triple H and Flair are on the apron.)
Ric: Why is Evolution such a mystery? Why can't we reveal ourselves as the hold-downers that we are?
Triple H: Cause I get to keep the belt that way!
Ric: Oh...

[Evil Vito]

<font color=goldenrod>Random Wrestler: Damn man, is that a cucumber in your pants or are you just REALLY happy to be wrestling?

Rene Dupree:</font> :naughty:

[Innovator]

*HHH sets up jobber for the Pedigree*

jobber: nows not the best time to tell you I have head lice

[Anybody Thrilla]

Who farted?

[Impact!]

two random wrestlers half way through match:

Wrestler one: is it wrong that i have these feelings towards you

Wrestler two: :eek:

[Corkscrewed]

Remind me what my finisher is again...
:lol:

Simple but effective one liners is actually more of what I'm looking for here in this round. :D No need to go through all this complicated setup. This game is actually more built around one liners.

[Transplant]

Remind me what my finisher is again...
That's something Test would say.

[Transplant]

"Is That A Flashlight, Or Something Else?"

[Impact!]

so you 18 yet

[Xero]

"Can you scratch my butt?"

[HankScorpio]

"where will you be when your diarrhea acts up?"

[Xero]

"Why is the mat wet?"

[HankScorpio]

"I'm excited, can you feel it?"

[Xero]

"Do you like big butts and cannot lie? :naughty: "

[Innovator]

Heidenreich I just slashed your tires

[Afterlife]

What would YOU do for a Klondike Bar?