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loopydate
05-14-2005, 02:32 AM
KHOSROW: Oh, yeah! That's right! Who's your--
NYIALALEY...
KHOSROW: DAMMIT, HASSAN!
Mr. Nerfect
05-14-2005, 05:08 AM
Romeo's Lover: Honey, I don't think we should do it tonight.
Romeo: Why not?
Romeo's Lover: I don't like doing it in the dog house.
Get it? Dog house! Romeo's upset people backstage. :shifty:
Corkscrewed
05-14-2005, 02:55 PM
lol... I missed that. details?
Crashnburn
05-14-2005, 03:28 PM
Booker T: So was it good for you, baby?
Sharmell: Oh, yeah. :yes:
Booker T: Yeah? So did you....? :naughty:
Sharmell: Oooohhhh, yeah. :yes: :kiss:
Booker T: So how many exactly?
Sharmell: FIVE TIMES! FIVE TIMES! FIVE TIMES! FIVE TIMES! FIVE TIMES!
Booker T: :D Now I can dig that.
Mr. Nerfect
05-14-2005, 06:20 PM
lol... I missed that. details?
Not too sure, but apparently Romeo Roselli has a bit of heat on hm for jacking up the price for his appearances at NEW, which many think is unreasonable because he actually got his break there. Romeo did it because he didn't want to get hurt before Backlash.
PorkSoda
05-14-2005, 08:18 PM
Women: Come on Snitsky!
Snitsky: I'm commming darrrrliiiiinnnnng!
Snitsky takes his wifes dress and jerks it, trying to get it off and accidently tears it and knocks over a candle, setting the curtains and floor on fire.
Women: AHHHHH! GENE! THE ROOM IS ON FIRE!
Snitsky: It's NOT my fault!
PorkSoda
05-14-2005, 08:21 PM
Gene Snitsky's pregnant wife is laying on her back on the floor with her german shepard.. A knock on the door is heard.
Snitsky's wife: Come in.
Snitsky enters the room with a sick smile on his face.
Snitsky: Hello darling!
Snitsky approaches his wife, but accidently trips over the dog and lands right on top of his pregnant wife.
Snitsky's wife: GENE! OWWW! GENE! WHY DID YOU DO THAT? OW! I CAN'T FEEL THE BABY KICKING! I THINK HES DEAD!
Snistky: It's NOT my fault!
Corkscrewed
05-17-2005, 03:34 AM
1000 pts to loopy.
If John Cena ever met Randy Savage in a rap battle
Drakul
05-18-2005, 12:49 AM
News Reader: Today "Macho man" Randy Savage and WWE Champion John Cena announced that a Rap Battle will take place on PPV between the two and will later be released on CD.
In other news, Suicide in wrestling fans was at a record high today.No reason has yet been discovered.
Corkscrewed
05-18-2005, 02:58 AM
SAVAGE: Be a man!
CENA: A bad man! A bad man!
SAVAGE: Be a man!
CENA: A bad man! A bad man!
FANS: http://rctbitch.com/forums/images/icons/peeps/icon4.gif
El Santo
05-18-2005, 04:11 AM
Cena: You're a wrinkled old man pulling the same old promos
Go back to your beautique, man, because everyone thinks you're a homo.
Your body's so brittle that even TNA don't employ you.
Go back to the 80's before I destroy you.
Savage: Listen up you wigger, you think you're a marine?
That A-team "music video" was the worst crap I've seen.
Don't you know who I am? I was Bonesaw McGraw!
That Superman movie was a box office draw!
Cena: That was "Spider-Man", dumbass.
Savage: Oh. Right. And ... um ... I lost my flow there son. Let me try, uh...
I've been rolling in dough
Since my cartoon cameo
I drive a mad Bentley
Watch me in "College University"...
Cena: Shut up, Randy. This is getting pointless. Let's just stop. Want to grab a beer before 50 cent gets here to pop a cap in my ass?
Randy: Sure. That sounds...
SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM!!!! OHHHH YEAHHH!!!!
Cena: *sigh*
(Backstage on a PPV.)
Macho Man: Hey Cena, I bet I can wrap better than you!
Cena: You're on!
Macho Man: Okay! One... Two... Three... GO!
Cena: You think you're the best, you think you're so cool
I don't kn... ow... who... you... What the hell are you doing?
*Macho Man is wrapping a present.*
Macho Man: Wrapping... And I'm done! I beat your ass! SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM!
Cena: What the...
Vince (in his office): Now THAT'S quality television!
Corkscrewed
06-03-2005, 04:51 PM
If real life was a swerve fest, ala wrestling (or Vince Russo... or LC...).
Champion of Europa
06-03-2005, 05:19 PM
*A man walks into a dry cleaners*
Man: Hello, can I have my clothes? My name is Jack Johnson.
*Laundry Man brings clothes out from the back and hands them to him*
Jack: These aren't my clothes.
Laundry Man: SWERVE.
DaBrasko
06-03-2005, 05:32 PM
*while on a bus*
Person1: look out theres a child in the middle of the road
Driver: SWEET JEBUS!!!!
*bus swerves*
:shifty:
.... I know , I know ... "Dabrasko go to your room!!"
Champion of Europa
06-03-2005, 05:35 PM
Steve Gutenberg: I'M ALIVE!
Disturbed316
06-03-2005, 05:36 PM
Bill Clinton: I did not have sexual relations with that woman.....IT WAS THAT ONE! *points*
Everyone else: :eek:
FourFifty
06-03-2005, 05:48 PM
JK Rolling: After the 6th Harry Potter book, the legacy will end. My apologizes to everyone expecting 7 books.
6 months later the title of JK Rolling’s current project comes out. <u>Harry Potter and the Swerve of Salvation</u>
On a personal note, that sucked.
Corkscrewed
06-04-2005, 02:20 AM
lol
You guys can do better.
Well, Don's was so corny it was hilarious, but the rest of you... :p (j/p)
DaBrasko
06-04-2005, 06:52 PM
President speaking to the public..
President: I know the majority of you would like to know who killed JFK.... all right ill tell you ... Lee Harvy killed him. Yes thats right Lee Harvy killed the president all those years ago with a magic bullet. Thats right its was a magic bullet. We have known of the presence of magic for the past 3000 years.
Everyone: :eek:
FourFifty
06-04-2005, 08:52 PM
My boss swerved me a few weeks ago. I wanted to get some time off on short notice, and he said no because I had to make up for other people. A day after I talked to him about it he said he can give me the time off.
I felt like a doggie. “Sit, sit… If you want the cookie, you’ll sit… buy me a pepsi… Sit…. Nooooo…. Noooo…. Not yet…… nooooo… Okay, here you go! Good whore of an employee!”
Or how about when Ninja Gaiden came out for X-Box? Didn’t that game have one or two release dates because they had to push it back?
Same thing with The Arena in City of Heroes. Put it out on the test server, and then it doesn’t work! They put it on for the weekend, and take it off, and then it’s in the main game.
And the ending to Casablanca! No, it should have a happy ending!
Or how about when the United States Government said that we landed on the moon? Wasn’t that a trip? Recently the French government reviled that it was really Groucho Marx was on a HUGE lump of cheese.
FourFifty
06-04-2005, 08:53 PM
Or how about the whole 2000 presidential race? Wasn’t that a laugh riot?
BUSH
GORE
BUSH
GORE
BUSH
GORE
BURE
GOSH!
George Lucas: Episode III was the last Star Wars film. There will be no more.
(Two years later.)
Reporter: And in some breaking entertainment news, George Lucas has announced that he will be remaking the original Star Wars trilogy. Also, in some rather sad, related entertainment news, James Earl Jones, best known as the voice of Darth Vader, has died.
Vastardikai
06-07-2005, 07:47 AM
Me: Pizza Man should be here any minute...
(Knock on the Door, I open it.)
Pizza Man: Here's your Newspaper!
Me: Huh?
Gone Mad
06-07-2005, 09:58 AM
**At the video store**
Me: Hey, do you happen to have a copy of Gremlins?
Employee: Yeah, here you go. **hands over movie**
Me: Cool, thanks. Ok... this is the movie, right?
Employee: Yup.
Me: Really ???
Employee: M-hmm. Oh, and by the way...
I am your real father!
Me: NOOOOOOOO !!!!!
Corkscrewed
06-12-2005, 09:09 PM
The worst reason/cause for a feud. Ever.
Shadow
06-12-2005, 09:32 PM
Having coffee dump on you...oh wait.
Dropping someone into a bucket of your own puke...oh wait.
Getting some form of liquid on someone's suit...wait a moment here....
Fucking some corpes in a very bad.....damn it!
I got nothing.
El Santo
06-12-2005, 09:47 PM
Jericho: (sipping a drink) This rasberry cordial is quite good.
Shelton: Yes. It's a good vintage.
Jericho: By the way, it is my understanding that the value of pi is exactly three.
Shelton: (Smashing bottle on the table) Why you SON OF A BITCH!!!!
Just John
06-13-2005, 06:49 AM
Because Eugene drew a smiley face on HHHs hammer :)
PorkSoda
06-13-2005, 02:48 PM
There's a coffee spill on the floor. Edge cleans it up.
Sntisky: You used BOUNTY?!?!?!
Edge: It was the only there. It wasn't my fault.
Snitsky: :mad: :mad: :mad: :foc:
The New F'n Show
06-14-2005, 12:51 AM
Val Venis (as Chief Morley again) vs Orlando Jordan in a battle of the Chiefs of Staff
Vastardikai
06-14-2005, 12:09 PM
Bubba Ray Dudley vs. Morgan in a stuttering contest...
(Randy Orton is in the ring, and generic music hits. Rochelle Loewen comes out with a purse.)
Rochelle: I WANT EVERYTHING IN HERE PAID FOR IN FULL!
Randy: What?
Rochelle: YOU SHIT IN MY BAG, REMEMBER!?
Randy: Oh...... OH MY GOD, IS THAT THE BAG!?
Corkscrewed
06-17-2005, 01:10 PM
1000 pts to El Santo. Shame on the three of you who didn't follow instructions and just listed something rather than write a SCENE. :nono:
Things HHH would never say.
:shifty:
SuperSlim
06-17-2005, 01:13 PM
HHH stares into Stephanie's eyes
HHH: Steph.
Stephanie: Yes.
HHH: I want a divorce.
SuperSlim
06-17-2005, 01:14 PM
HHH is live in front of the Raw crowd with mic in hand.
HHH: I'm going to make this short.
*fans erupt in cheers.
Just John
06-17-2005, 01:19 PM
*Triple H is in the ring with a mic*
''I have a new weapon as my sledgehammer was somehow lost....
*then we see perry saturn somewhere watching this with moppy and HHHs sledgehammer next to him(it has a smiley face on it because Eugene drew it on)
[Triple H] ''....Vince Mcmahon'' <------------thing that HHH would never say
*HHH picks up Vince by the legs and hits the next main eventer with him*
(Triple H is watching a replay of his promo.)
Hunter: God, when is this going to end!?
Corkscrewed
06-17-2005, 01:29 PM
^ :rofl:
Also, might I remind people to keep it to one scene per reply. (and don't double post unless you really have to, or keep it to a minimum ;) )
SuperSlim
06-17-2005, 01:33 PM
you know I'm no good at followin rules :p
Cool King
06-17-2005, 01:44 PM
HHH:Vince,I think I've been hogging the World Heavyweight Title,so I just came here to ask you if I could go after a different title.
Vince:Really? Well,I'll let you go after the WWE Title.
HHH:NO! I want some one else to go after those titles. This company needs some young fresh faces to hold the major titles.
Vince:hmmm,OK,well why don't you go after the WWE Tag Team Titles,we'll draft you to SmackDown! and make you team up with Hardcore Holly.
HHH:Great! Then after our 2 week title reign,I'll just job on Velocity,to let some fresh faces get to the big times.:)
Altar of Helmsley
06-17-2005, 08:29 PM
HHH: Austin NEVER took his ball and went home
SuperSlim
06-17-2005, 08:32 PM
*HHH watchin a replay of his match
HHH: I need to lose weight. :'(
The Highlander
06-17-2005, 09:42 PM
{edit}
Oh, I see now...
I consider my greatest match to be my Wrestlemania Debut.
PorkSoda
06-17-2005, 09:45 PM
Triple H: (With sledgehammer in hand backstage to Vince) Dare me to break the glass cieling? :naughty:
The Highlander
06-17-2005, 09:49 PM
"Who is this guy? He Sucks. O wait, his name is coming up...Trrrrriiiippppplllll...."
Innovator
06-17-2005, 09:54 PM
*at a booking meeting*
Writers: Hey we still need something for the main event slot
HHH: Hmmmmuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh, how about RVD and Jericho go at it for 20 minutes?
Writers: Uh Hunter what are you gonna do tonight?
HHH: Hmmmmuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh, how about I put that guy London over, he seems like a star.
Corkscrewed
06-18-2005, 02:14 AM
1000 pts to Pork Soda. :lol:
If WWE wrestlers were elementary school teachers.
Mr. Cena: Okay class, it's now time to pull out your 'Basic Thuganomics 101' books. Now, can anyone tell me when it's appropriate to use gay and poop jokes?
Kid: Never?
Cena: WRONG! THE ANSWER IS ALWAYS! YOU FAIL YOU PINK SHIRT WEARING DOODY HEAD!
SuperSlim
06-18-2005, 09:45 AM
Triple H: OK class uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Today uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh we are going to uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh learn uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh English uhhhhhhhhhhhh.
kids: What?
Triple H: English uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Triple H: Okay classuh, take out your historyuh booksuh. Todayuh we will be talking about evolutionuh...
(Sixteen hours later.)
Triple H: The next week, Randy Orton finally joineduh. Then we went on the biggest ass kicking spreeuh the WWE has ever seenuh...
Kid: When is this going to end?
Triple H: Only ten more minutesuh.
(Five hours later.)
Triple H: Thenuh Randy had to drop the titleuh to meuh... And... Hey, where is everyoneuh?
Vince: Go on Mr. Helmsley, this is so interesting!
El Santo
06-21-2005, 01:18 AM
Steve Austin: So I've got to ask you, class...
Class: WHAT?
Austin: what ks the second law....
Class: WHAT?
Austin: of thermodynamics?
Class: WHAT?
Austin: I said thermodynamics.
Class: WHAT?
Austin: I SAID THERMODYNAMICS.
Class: WHAT?
Austin: Goddammit, just answer the question if you don't want me to go down there to kick your asses.
Little Timmy: Uh, sorry, Mr. Austin, but we don't usually learn classical thermondynamics in second grade.
Corkscrewed
06-21-2005, 01:31 AM
GOLD
Undertaker: Today in art, we will be learning the basics of hat tailoring.
NoRoolz
06-22-2005, 03:45 PM
*Val Venis walks in*
Venis: Helloooo Ladiesss
*11 year old girls stare blankly as Val whips off his towel revealing his spandex tights*
Venis: Today class we'll be learning sex education.
*Class giggles*
Venis: As you know, the Big Valbowski has had a looot of experience in this subject"
Harry: Who, or what is the Big Valbowski?
Venis: YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE BIG VALBOWSKI IS? DO YOU EVEN WATCH WWE?!
Harry: Yeah, who doesn't?
*Entire class raises hand*
Venis: If you do watch WWE then you should be familiar with The Big Valbowski, Val Venis?
Harry: Val who?
Venis:...Val Venis, was also known as Chief of Staff Sean Morley?
Harry: Chief of what?
Venis: ARGHH, just get out Harry! *Harry walks out looking sad* Anyway, out of curiousity, why don't the rest of you watch WWE?
Timmy: We have no need too, we know what happens every week.
Venis: Oh yeah what's that?
Timmy: Triple H wins, and some white rapper guy makes gay and poop jokes.
Venis: Anything else?
Timmy: Ermm that guy with the afro spits an apple in a random persons face.
Venis: Anything else?
Timmy: Ermmmm... that Arab-American guy comes out during everybody's mic-work in the ring.
Venis: Anything else? About say.... a certain Val Venis?
Class: Who?
Venis: Arghsdsfsdgmdsngkdgfk:rant: *Walks out, slamming door behind him*
FourFifty
06-22-2005, 05:32 PM
Somewhere, in a rural school house in Alabama….
<b>Lita:</b> Bonjour la classe, mon nom est Mlle Dumas, et aujourd'hui je vous enseignerai l'anglais. Maintenant soyez agréable à la prise votre copie <u>Pour être L'homme</u> de dehors et tournez-vous vers la page 57. Est-ce que quelqu'un peut svp commencer ?
<b>Timmy:</b> ….
<b>Lita:</b> Как о вас, меньшее Timmy? И вы любите начать прочитать?
<b>Billy:</b> …
<b>Lita:</b> Che cosa è il vostro problema? Sto parlando inglese, destra?
<b>Tracy:</B> ……huh?
<b>Lita:</b> Ich kann nicht dieser Scheiße voll glauben... ein Raum der Stummer!
SuperSlim
06-22-2005, 05:52 PM
Lita walks into class.
Lita: Okay class, today I'm going to teach you about Sex Ed.
Gouda
06-22-2005, 05:59 PM
Lita walks into the class.
Class: Ow.
:shifty:
Lita: Timmy, may I see you for a moment?
(Timmy walks over.)
Lita: About your homework, I can't understand that word, what is it?
Timmy: 'The'?
Lita: Oh, thank you Timmy, you may sit down.
(Ten minutes later.)
Lita: Timmy? Come here...
Timmy: Yes?
Lita: What's that word?
Timmy: 'Cat'...
Lita: Okay, thank you...
(Timmy begins to sit down.)
Lita: Uh, Tim-
Timmy: IT SAYS 'THE CAT IN THE HAT', OKAY!? I DID MY BOOK REPORT ON THE CAT IN THE HAT!
Lita: Well EXCUSE ME if I can't understand your chicken scratch!
Timmy: I TYPED IT!
Lita: .... GO TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE!
PorkSoda
06-22-2005, 08:22 PM
Snitsky: Lets go over this again! A!!!!!!! B!!!!!!! C!!!!!! D!!!! E!!!!!!! F!!!!!
Johnny: I!
Snitsky: NO! G! G COMES AFTER F!
Johnny: M?
Snitsky: NO! G! G AS IN GOD DAMNIT!
Snitsky punts the kid out of the room, knocking over 2 gallons of paint that spills all over the floor and splattering all the childrens science projects.
*Later on in the principals office*
Boss: You realize you got paint all over their science projects?
Snitsky: It's not my fault!
Triple H: Now everyone sing alonguh to your ABCsuh!
Everyone: HHHHHHH, HHHHHHHHH, HHH, HHH, HH, H and H. Now I know how to spell 'HHH', won't you come and job to me!
Triple H: Very gooduh!
Corkscrewed
06-24-2005, 12:37 AM
LOL @ Gouda's simple but hilarious approach. Totally the thing Lita would do. :lol:
In a perfect world....
REMEMBER: SCENES, not lists.
Innovator
06-24-2005, 12:47 AM
*JBL walks into a dark alleyway*
JBL: Lets see here...431 I'mgonnagetmyasswhipped lane...
*suddenly he hears a voice*
Tracy Smothers:...hehehe Bradshaw, you ain't going nowhere...
Blue Meanie: hehehe
2,000 Germans: hehehe
FourFifty
06-24-2005, 01:18 AM
<I>*Edge hits the ring, and the fans are silent*</I>
<b>Edge:</b> Hey, where’s all the cheering?
<b>Fans:</b> …..*cough*…..
<b>Edge:</b> Where’s all the booing?
<b>Fans:</b> ………………..
<b>Edge:</b> What about the “You Screwed Matt” or “We Want Matt” chants?
<b>Fans:</b> …………………………..
<b>Edge:</b> Hey! Look, it’s Lita! Can’t she get heat or what?
<I>*and then, one member of the audience pipes up*</I>
<b>X-Pac:</b> Man, this guy sucks… I gotta use the can.
PorkSoda
06-24-2005, 01:55 PM
JR: What a suplex by Christian. He lifts him, into the ropes and a nice backdrop. Oh wait, he sets him up..UNPRETTIER! 1..2..3!
SuperSlim
06-24-2005, 02:23 PM
Stephanie: I think it's time.
HHH: Are you sure?
Stephanie: Yes. *She pulls out a razor. Now sit still Hunter.
HHH: Nooooooooooooooooo.
*Stephanie shaves off the handlebar moustache and sideburns.
Corkscrewed
06-24-2005, 04:03 PM
CNN REPORTER: "And in other news, it appears that TNA flight 4702 illegally ejected waste while in flight today. No one on the ground was hurt, but we're told the fecal matter landed on 15396 Manor Lane, which also happens to be the house of pro wrestler Randy Orton..."
(Triple H is out doing a promo.)
Triple H: So let me wrap this up before I begin rambling...
Anybody Thrilla
06-24-2005, 05:11 PM
AUSTIN: "And that's when old Stone Cold said to himself, I think it's about time for a beer."
CROWD: "..."
AUSTIN: "Then I thought, hell, one beer ain't enough so I had two beers..."
CROWD: "..."
AUSTIN: "Three beers"
CROWD: "..."
AUSTIN: (getting uneasy)"....uhhh, four beers?"
CROWD: "..."
AUSTIN: (screaming) "JUST SAY WHAT, DAMN IT!"
CROWD: "..."
(The Diva's Search is at it's mid point and all the Divas are in the ring.)
Coach: Now, let's hear it for Melissa!
Fans: ........
Melissa: Who wants to eat off my BOOBS!?
Fans: .......
Coach: Oh, ME!
Fans: .....
King: You know, even I can get tired of this shit...
PureHatred
06-24-2005, 06:49 PM
JR: Well, Chris Masters has just picked another anonymous fan from out of the crowd.....
King: Look at Masters! He should be in a museum!
JR: And he applies the Masterlock...what strength! what power by this young-BAHGAWD THIS OVERWEIGHT NOBODY FROM GOD KNOWS WHERE JUST BROKE THE MASTERLOCK!!!HE'S TAKING THE MONEY...!!!BAH GAWD!!
Vince: Get the fuck out of my face, you're both fired!
Stephanie: But dad!
Triple H: DADDY!?
Vince: SECURITY!
(The next week, Triple H is on Impact.)
Triple H: I am the Game-uh! I am Paul-uh!
Tenay: His name is Paula?
Nowhere Man
06-24-2005, 07:45 PM
Triple H: GRRRRR!!!!!! I know Chris Jericho made me tap out like a little bitch, but I'm still the GAME-UH!!! I'm the REAL World Champion, and--
*RVD suicide bombs the ring*
Fryza
06-24-2005, 07:48 PM
Vince: Steph, this storyline is terrible...
El Santo
06-24-2005, 08:01 PM
Stephanie: I think it's time.
HHH: Are you sure?
Stephanie: Yes. *She pulls out a razor. Now sit still Hunter.
HHH: Nooooooooooooooooo.
*Stephanie shaves off the handlebar moustache and sideburns.
LOL
Chuck Jones
06-24-2005, 09:34 PM
Howard Finkel: And the winner of this 60 minute Iron Man Match, and NEWWWW WWE Champion...Shannon Moore!
Paul Heyman: I have acquired 100% control of the WWE creative team. I can do what I want, when I want. First, Stephanie, get the fuck out of my seat.
Corkscrewed
06-25-2005, 05:19 PM
MATT HARDY:
WHAT? I have nothing to say. Stop staring at me like that!
Oh you're just feces!
*stomps away angrily*
Michael Cole: And the Undertaker is rolling around in pain from that neck breaker!
Just John
06-26-2005, 04:39 PM
Just a quick suggestion - Can we do "What would wrestlers find in their fortune cookie"
Crashnburn
06-26-2005, 05:54 PM
Michael Cole: He's setting up for it.... THERE IT IS!!! TAZMISSION!!! HHH IS TAPPING!!! TAZ HAS DONE IT!!! TAZ IS THE NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!!
Champion of Europa
06-26-2005, 06:01 PM
J.R: LITA WITH A PICTURE PERFECT MOONSAULT!
Corkscrewed
06-27-2005, 02:30 AM
1000 pts to Innovator. :)
WWE fortune cookies
(sure, lets give it a shot)
FourFifty
06-27-2005, 02:52 AM
<I>*Lita and Edge are at a Chinese restaurant, they just finished eating, and their bill comes with fortune cookies*</I>
<b>Edge:</b> Hey! Fortune cookies! <I>*cracks one open*</I> “Look out for a loved one when they make a mistake.” Hey, these things are kinda vague.
<b>Lita:</b> Yeah, they are. <I>*Lita pops a fortune cookie in her mouth, chews, and then starts to gag*</I> COUGHCOUGHCOUGH!
<b>Edge:</b> Ohmigawd! Lita, are you okay?!?!?!?! <I>*Lita nods her head, as her face starts to turn blue*</I> Oh no! You’re choking! <I>*Edge gives her the Heimlich maneuver, and Lita coughs up the fortune*</I>
<b>Lita:</b> What the hell is that! There’s paper in my cookie!
<b>Edge:</b> :shifty: :roll: Why don’t you read it?
<b>Lita:</b> Okay! “For the love of God and all that is holy, don’t botch eating this fortune cookie!” Hey, there things really are kinda vague!
FourFifty
06-27-2005, 03:00 AM
<center><I>*On the side of the road adjacent to an empty alley we see a grown man broken down in tears. A light rain is falling in the middle of the night as feral dogs howl in the distance, and a car splashes a puddle of water on this shattered soul without a reaction. He clings onto a tiny scrap of paper, fixated on it. This scrap of paper, this seemingly diminutive piece of garbage, this fortune cookie fortune has become the alpha and the omega of the shell of a man’s existence. He collapses on the ground, and repeats the same phrase over and over again*</I>
It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault… It’s all my fault… it says It’s my fault…
FourFifty
06-27-2005, 03:02 AM
WWE fortune cookies
(sure, lets give it a shot)
Okay, it's too late for me to ask this, but are these WWE wrestlers getting the fortunes or making them?
Vince: Ahhh, General Tao, you never cease to amaze me! Ahh, a fortune cookie! Let's see?
*Vince breaks open a cookie.*
Vince: "You have a big man fetish." What poppycock!
*The Big Show walks by.*
Show: Hey Vince.
Vince: Hey big boy! :love:
Vince: Ahhh, General Tao, you never cease to amaze me! Ahh, a fortune cookie! Let's see?
*Vince breaks open a cookie.*
Vince: "You have a big man fetish." What poppycock!
*The Big Show walks by.*
Show: Hey Vince.
Vince: Hey big boy! :love:
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Just John
06-27-2005, 11:10 AM
*Lita Opens a fortune cookie*
''A runaway hubcap from a car will lodge itself up your nose''
[Later on... and Lita is walking home...]
Sure enough a Hubcam goes up Litas nose..
[In Gene Snitskys Car]
*CLUNG!*
(Snitsky) - ''What was that!?
he looks out of the window and sees Lita with a hubcap up her nose and reckonises it as his own...
"It wasn't my fault!"
Innovator
06-27-2005, 12:53 PM
"It was your fault"
*Triple H opens a fortune cookie.*
Fortune: You will win.
Triple H: No shit... Oh, there's another one! Two for the price of one!
Fortune: You will run into an old friend soon.
Triple H: Hmmmm...
(Later, Triple H is at the mall.)
Chyna: HEY PAUL! YOU ASSHOLE!
KingofOldSchool
06-27-2005, 01:30 PM
*Chris Benoit grabs a fortune cookie at the buffet table backstage at Raw*
*Benoit opens up the cooke"
Benoit: "You will end up on a show no one watches." Hmmmm. I wonder what that's all aboot.
*Vince walks up to Benoit*
Vince: Hey Benoit, tonight is your last night on Raw, you're being drafted onto Smackdown at the taping tomorrow night.
Benoit: Ohhhh. It all makes sense now.
*Benoit ends up on Smackdown and two weeks later Stephanie McMahon walks up to him*
Stephanie: Benoit, you're booked for Velocity tonight.
Benoit: :(. Wait a minute...the fortune cook said I'll be on a show no one watches, not shows!
rob11
06-27-2005, 01:41 PM
Jericho is done eating dinner.
Waitor:Your fortune cookie sir
Jericho opens it up
"You will win the heavyweight title in the next week"
Jericho: Holy crap! This is too good to be true!
A man suddenly approaches the table.
Man:Uhhh, Iuhhh Thinkuhhh Weuhhh Gotuhhh Ouruhhh Fortuneuhhh Cookiesuhhh Mixeduhhh Upuhhhh
HHH gives Jericho the fortune he got
"You will job to the masterpiece on raw"
Jericho: Damn, you're right Hunter :(
*The Undertaker is opening his cookie.*
Taker: Hmm, it's smudged...
Fortune: Y===ou=w====il==l===n=====ev==e====r=s==e===ll
Taker: Wow, even though it's smudged, it speaks the truth!
FourFifty
06-27-2005, 03:08 PM
<i>*Randy Orton opens up a fortune cookie*</i>
<b>Orton:</b> "What goes around comes around 10 fold." I wonder what that means... <i>*Randy Orton goes out to his car, and opens the door*</i> WHY IS MY CAR FULL OF SHIT!!!!!!
*Lita opens her cookie.*
Lita: It's blank!? Why is my cookie blank!? Hey Christy! Come look at this!
*Christy comes over.*
Christy: It's blank!?
Lita: Yeah, that's what I said...
Christy: Hey JR, you gotta see this!
*JR comes over.*
JR: BAHGAWD IT'S BLANK!
Lita: YEAH!
JR: HEY NICK! COME HERE!
*Eugene comes over.*
Eugene (out of character): What?
Lita: This is blank!
Eugene: ... Are all three of you really that stupid?
*Eugene flips it over.*
Fortune: You will fool two people today because of your ignorance.
*Eugene walks away.*
Eugene: And they call ME retarded...
Gone Mad
06-27-2005, 04:00 PM
*** Some random wrestlers visit HHH's Chinese restaurant. ***
Wrestler 1: Hey, a fortune cookie!
**breaks it open.**
Wreslter 1: "YOUWILLJOBTOME,DAMNIT! I AM THE 11 TIME CHAMPION, ORTON! YOUWILLNEVERDEFEATTHEGAME!! ILOOKLIKEADAMNNORSEMENWITHTHISBEARD! OOOORTTTONN!!!"
Wrestler 2: Whoa, that sucks... mine only says "You will get X-pac heat once those realize you have little talent or charisma. Yeah, you, Edge. AND I WILL BEAT YOU WITH SLEDGEHAMMER, ORTON! "
Wrestler 1: Worst part, there's more on the back....
HHH: Oh, you're not done with the fortune yet... ** drops giant scroll in front the wrestlers ** .....THE GAME!!!!! :shifty: .... **runs away**
end. FINALLY!
PorkSoda
06-27-2005, 04:52 PM
Chris Jericho: *Reading the fortune cookie* Bad luck and terrible misfortunes will haunt your pathetic soul for all eternity. :wtf:
Corkscrewed
06-27-2005, 05:46 PM
lmao @ Xero Limit's Eugene featurette. 1000 pts for that.
Updates on Matt Hardy's web site.
Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner Lita's made.
- THE Matt Hardy
RaginRonic
06-27-2005, 06:02 PM
HHH: "Wow, I guess I am The Ultimate Warrior's bitch"
Loose Cannon
06-27-2005, 06:14 PM
July 4th, 2005
Matt Fact: Matt loves Independence Day
http://www.geocities.jp/ruckmode/superstar/matt_hardy.jpg
Click here to see Matt celebrate the 4th, courtesy of some M80's and a custom made Lita doll (http://)
(If Matt returns tonight.)
Matt Fact: Matt loves keeping secrets.
IWC = pwn3d
Gone Mad
06-27-2005, 07:43 PM
UPDATES TO THEMATTHARDY.COM ON JUNE 26, 2005:
A new teaser promo and a new video of Matt shitting on Lita's dog.
FourFifty
06-28-2005, 02:06 AM
Matt Hardy would like to take a moment to say he forgives
<font size=7>HALIEYALAYYALIELEIALEIOMGWTFYA!!!!</font size>
Updates on Matt Hardy on June 27, 2005
Check out the newest video. Matt dresses up as Triple H and holds Lita down. It's a MUST SEE!
The Highlander
06-28-2005, 12:19 PM
Matt Fact: Matt loves Shannon Moore's bukkake video
Matt Fact: Matt loves 'CATS'.
Matt is hard at work on his new play, 'V One: The Musical', so he won't be able to post on the forums for a few months. You'll find out where you can see it RIGHT HERE on THEMattHardy.com, so stay tuned!
Gone Mad
06-28-2005, 12:58 PM
Today's Update on THEMATTHARDY.COM for 6/28/05:
Matt can be seen at RVD's Five Star store with Kane tomorrow. They will be singing renditions of their favorite emo songs, just for you! Oh, and Lita and Edge STILL suck! V1!
Corkscrewed
06-28-2005, 01:29 PM
:lol: 1000 pts for Highlander's oh-so-wrong but oh-so-funny quip. :rofl:
The real reason HHH jobbed to Batista thrice.
Stephanie: GOD DAMN IT PAUL, I TOLD YOU NOT TO BOTHER ME WHEN I HAVE MY PERIOD! YOU'RE JOBBING IN THE CELL!
Hunter: But all I said was that I thought that color looks bad on you...
Stephanie: OKAY! THAT'S IT! I'M MOVING BATISTA TO SMACKDOWN AND YOUR ONLY TITLE CHOICE WILL BE THE WWE CHAMPIONSHIP!
Hunter: WHAT!? NOOOOOOOOO!
SuperSlim
06-28-2005, 01:42 PM
Stephanie: Get it up Hunter!
Hunter: I can't.
Stephanie: That's it. You lose.
*Triple H is watching TV when Vince comes in.*
Vince: Hey Hunter...
Hunter: Yeah yeah...
Vince: Now I know you need the title, but I think we should let Dave run with it for a while longer...
Hunter: Yeah, whatever...
Vince: So, I was wondering if you'd be willing to job in the cell to him...
Hunter: Yeah yeah, sure sure, now be quiet.
Vince: I knew you'd see it my way! Batista will be the next Triple H!!!
*Vince walks out.*
Hunter: ................ WAIT, WHAT!?
Gone Mad
06-28-2005, 01:52 PM
*** At WWE HQ..***
Vince: Dave... yeah, HHH will NOT win the title on Sunday, no. Instead, I want you to go to SD.
Batista: Oh, ok, cool. That sounds go--
Vince: And you lose the belt to Torrie Wilson at the Great American Bash.
Batista: .......
HHH: See, Vince? Told you he'd like my idea. THHHEE GAMEEEE!!! **playing with the WWE belt's spinner. **
PorkSoda
06-28-2005, 03:33 PM
Triple H: (At the creative meeting) I feel like jobbing to Batista again.
Vince: WHAT?
Stephanie: WHAT?
JR: WHAT?
Shannon Moore: WHAT?
Vince: What the hell are you doing here? :wtf:
Corkscrewed
06-28-2005, 04:09 PM
:lol: at all of these
*Batista walks up to Triple H.*
Batista: ifuwilljobsaywhat
Triple H: What?
Batista: WOO! HEY VINCE! I GOT IT HERE ON TAPE! HE'S WILLING TO JOB TO ME AGAIN!
Triple H: ... What just happened here?
Nervous Ferret
06-28-2005, 04:15 PM
AHAHAHA LOL
Nervous Ferret
06-28-2005, 04:15 PM
I got nothing :(
Disturbed316
06-28-2005, 05:47 PM
*Batista walks up to Triple H.*
Batista: ifuwilljobsaywhat
Triple H: What?
Batista: WOO! HEY VINCE! I GOT IT HERE ON TAPE! HE'S WILLING TO JOB TO ME AGAIN!
Triple H: ... What just happened here?
lol that reminds me of the old school ground "Did you see gaylordssayno on tv last night?"
Crashnburn
06-28-2005, 07:24 PM
Backstage at Vengence before the main event begins...
Batista: "Hey Hunter!"
Hunter: "Hey, Dave. What's up?"
Batista: "I just got a call from my doctor. He says I've got some rare disease... it's call idontwannagiveupthebeltjustyetidis."
Hunter: "Really? Wow that sounds horrible! Is it terminal?"
Batista: "Yeah, it is. The doc says that I'm going to die this time tomorrow night."
Hunter: "Oh, wow! Is there something I can do for you?"
Batista: "Well, Hunter, if it's ok with you I just want to go out there and put on the best damn match we can..."
Hunter: "Hell Yeah! We'll put on the best match anybody has ever seen!"
Batista: "... and I hope you don't mind but I would like to keep the title..."
Hunter: ".......... "
Batista: "I know you were suppose to win it back tonight but I really would like to go out a champ."
Hunter: ".... sure. Yeah, ok, yeah, you can retain tonight."
Later that night as the ref counts the 1-2-3.
Hunter: with tears in his eyes, "I'm going to miss you, Dave."
Batista: "uh... yeah... right..."
The next day Hunter misses Raw due injuries.
And two months later...
Random WWE Employee: "Hey, Hunter, have you checked out Smackdown recently? Batista is really beating holy hell out of JBL."
Hunter: "Batista? Dave Batista? He's dead."
WWE Employee: "uh... no, he got drafted to Smackdown the night after Vengence with the World Heavyweight Title."
Hunter: " .......sonofbitch."
Schoenauer
06-29-2005, 01:58 AM
Vince: Hunter, it looks like you're working Tuesdays now.
Hunter: I will not work Tuesdays!
Vince: Well if you don't want to work tuesday, then Batista is going to take your place.
Hunter: Thank y--
Vince: With the World Heavyweight Championship. You're jobbing in the cell at Vengeance.
Hunter: ...
Five minutes of silence
Hunter: DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!!
FourFifty
06-29-2005, 04:59 PM
<b>HHH:</b> Come on Dave, you know I’m better than you at everything! Hey, I’ll job to you three times if you can beat me at anything! What do ya say?
<b>Batista:</b> DDR!
<b>HHH:</b> Oh, my white mage will totally kick your ass! I played that all the time in college!
<b>Batista:</b> B’uh?
Crashnburn
06-29-2005, 06:33 PM
<b>HHH:</b> Come on Dave, you know I’m better than you at everything! Hey, I’ll job to you three times if you can beat me at anything! What do ya say?
<b>Batista:</b> DDR!
<b>HHH:</b> Oh, my white mage will totally kick your ass! I played that all the time in college!
<b>Batista:</b> B’uh?
:lol:
The Highlander
06-30-2005, 02:08 AM
HHH: Damn, Stephanie saw the Bukkake video I did with Shannon....
--------
HHH (2000): I swear I will put a guy over if he somehow is so hoorid with a promo he makes me look entertaining.
Batista's Wife: Please job to Dave! PLEASE! Just ONE more time!
Triple H: Fuck no.
Wife: Okay then......
*Batista's wife scratches Triple H with her nails.*
Triple H: OUCH! Is it bleeding!? No, it's okay... Ouch though! Fine! I'll job!
SuperSlim
07-01-2005, 11:38 AM
Batista: Hey Hunter I'ma tell Vince that you said you would job to me again.
HHH: What! I never said that.
Batista: Really well listen to this tape.
*tape plays
HHH: Hi, I'm Triple H and I...
woman's voice: will job to Batista.
HHH: I never said I will job to Batista. That's not my voice.
Batista: Check this.
FIrst tape: Hi, I'm Triple H and I
*Batsita pulls out a second tape recorder
HHH: Will job to Batista.
Batista: Haha.
HHH: :'(
Drakul
07-01-2005, 02:49 PM
lol Fairly Odd Parents
Innovator
07-01-2005, 03:01 PM
*Batista is standing next to a closet as HHH walks by*
Batista: Hey Hunter
HHH: Hey Dave, ready to job to me?
Batista: Yeah Hunter we need to talk about that. This guy on TPWW said I should win in the Cell....so yeah I'm not jobbing
HHH: No Dave I'm winning!
Batista: Hmmm I thought you'd say that *opens door*
*Tracy Smothers pops out*
Batista *to Tracy*: Hey look its JBL...and he's gonna beat up Meanie again!
HHH: Oh you wouldn't
Batista: Whats that? He just said something anti-semetic!
*Smothers attacks HHH*
HHH: AH OK! I'LL JOB!
(Triple H is sleeping and Darth Vader comes into the room.)
Vader: Cuuush... Ciiish... Cuuush... Ciiish...
Triple H (Waking up): Wha? What, who's... OH MY GOD! WHO ARE YOU!?
Vader: Hunter... You must job to Dave.
Triple H: WHAT!? WHY!?
Vader: Because I, am your father.
Triple H: WHAT!? NOOOOOOOOOO!
(Triple H wakes up.)
Triple H: AAAAHHHHHHH!
Stephanie: What's wrong!?
Triple H: I had the nightmare again...
Steph: What, about jobbing to Dave and Vader being your father?
Triple H: Yeah...
(Triple H wakes up in the middle of the ring after being accidentally knocked out by Batista. Batista's music is playing.)
Triple H: DAVE! WHAT HAPPENED!?
Batista: You were knocked out and Vince made the call for me to pin you. You were out for a few minutes...
Triple H: FUCK!
Corkscrewed
07-01-2005, 03:49 PM
lol... awesome job guys! 1000 pts to Slim tho. I'll go back and rep the rest of you if I can.
Things that would make you mark out, done by wrestlers who would never otherwise make you mark out.
vaglicker99
07-01-2005, 03:50 PM
...
Corkscrewed
07-01-2005, 03:51 PM
remember... Scenes from a Hat, not Lists from a Hat.
vaglicker99
07-01-2005, 03:53 PM
ok brb will edit
Schoenauer
07-01-2005, 04:03 PM
Me: Oh great... Hardcore Holly jobbing to Batista... what a surprise.
Hardcore Holly wins the title against Batista.
Me: Oh my god!!! Hardcore Holly as Heavyweight champ? I didn't think it would happen!
Triple H (20 minutes into his promo): AND I WILL BECOME THE-
*Christy Hemme's music hits.*
Triple H: What the hell is this-uh!?
(A minute goes by, and it stops.)
Triple H: Well-uhh, anyway-uhh....
*Suddenly Christy appears behind Triple H with a sledgehammer and whacks Hunter in the knee.*
Triple H: OH GOD MY QUAD!
SuperSlim
07-01-2005, 04:25 PM
*I'm a Real American plays and Hogan comes out.
*Hogan gets to the ring and strats posing for about 15 minutes.
Hogan: You know something brothers I...
*Shannon Moore's theme hits and he sprints to the ring and kicks Hogan in the knee.
*Hogan crumples down.
(Lita is facing Victoria in a match.)
JR: AND HERE COMES THE WIDOW'S PEAK! NO! LITA JUST SQUIRMED OUT! BAHGAWD! NO WAY! BAHGAWD! LITA WITH A PICTURE PERFECT CANADIAN DESTROYER!
King (obviously out of character): Holy shit... I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen, but holy fucking shit...
Shadow
07-01-2005, 05:39 PM
All the good ones are taken!
*HHH vs. HBK part 505054983473948 Hell In A Cell match is going on. HHH is about to hit the pedigree when suddenly Hardkore Holly's music hits*
HHH: What the hell?
*after a few seconds nothing happens. HHH shruges turns back to HBK only to get met with the Alabama Slam by....SHANNON MOORE!*
Chris Masters: Come on! $30,000 if you can break the Master Lock!
*Scotty 2 Hotty comes out.*
Masters: Please!
Scotty: C'mon! Lock it in!
*Masters locks in the Master Lock when the Heartbreaker's music hits.*
JR: BAHGAWD IT'S ROMEO AND HE HAS A GIANT KEY! HE'S STUFFING IT UP MASTERS' ASS! BAHGAWD SCOTTY UNLOCKED THE MASTER LOCK WITH SOME HELP FROM ROMEO!
Gone Mad
07-01-2005, 06:48 PM
** During a Edge matchup against Slyvan Grenier (you know, Resistance guy?) **
JR: Wow, this is incredibly dull. Um, I think Edge will win this like a steak in an artery contest.
King: :wtf: yeah, sure... uh.. WHOA, Maven just got in the ring and... OH MY GOD! HE JUST DID A 450 LEG SPLASH ON SLYVIAN! What's this now?
JR: Maven just a Van Terminator into a DDT from the other side of the ring to Edge! BAWGAWD! Now that's the Maven we all now of! No, wait, no... Maven??
King: ASAI MOONSAULT INTO A HURRICANRANA TO THE REF!!
Corkscrewed
07-01-2005, 06:53 PM
Ahahahahahahahaha!!!! 1000 pts for Xero Limit.
KARMA: WWE Style
JR: If Triple H wins this match, he will be 16 time world champion! WAIT! PEDIGREE! YES! WAIT! OH NO! HIS LEG BUCKLED UNDER HIM!
Triple H: OH SHIT MY QUAD! OH GOD! JERICHO! COV- What am I crazy!?
*Jericho locks in the Walls and Triple H taps out of sheer pain. Jericho becomes World Heavyweight Champion.*
(Three months later.)
Doctor: I'm sorry Paul, but you're going to have to hang up your boots. If you even run with this leg God knows what will happen.
Triple H: DAMN IT! AND I WAS SO CLOSE TOO!
(I'm going to try to lay off the Triple H jokes, but it's just all too obvious and funny...)
Innovator
07-01-2005, 07:10 PM
*In Germany*
Hardcore Holly: HEIL HITLER! *starts goosestepping*
Fans: http://tpww.net/forums/images/smilies/eek.gif
*one month later*
Jr: BAHGAWD! HOLLY IS THE NEW UNDISPUTED CHAMPION!
Just John
07-01-2005, 07:12 PM
Us at TPWW meets Lita
(Random spokesperson for tpww):Lita you always Botch things, you botchinator
(Lita): Go to hell
[later that night Lita is in a match with Trish, Edge interrupts and Lita is about to do the litasault (or whatever that shit is) when suddenly..
......THE TURNBUCKLE BOTCHES AND GIVES WAY!!!!
Lita breaks her leg cant wrestle again....
The Highlander
07-01-2005, 11:06 PM
News: WWE server crashes, and only some Triple H segments servive, however, only matches available on WWE.com and WWE 24/7 is Triple H vs Ultimate Warrior from WM XII and post-Curtain Call segments and matches.
------------------------------------------------
Aaron Rift gets virus from his own site, loses everything, shoots himself.
FourFifty
07-02-2005, 03:55 AM
And now, a little rewind. A day late and a buck short, but this HAS to be done for the humor!
<b>Batista:</b> hey Shannon, I gotta take a dump. Can you hold my title?
<b>Shannon:</b> Sure thing Dave.
<I>*Dave goes into the restroom and gives Shannon Moore the title to hold on to*</I>
<b>Shannon:</b> Wow, this thing is HUGE!!!!
<I>*Triple H walks by, sees Shannon with the title, and runs away*</I>
<I>*Days later, right before Vengance*</I>
<b>Vince:</b> So, Hunter, are you ready to become the 11 time world champion?
<b>HHH:</b> No! That belt has jobber cooties!
(then again, Seeing Shannon Moore with the title would make me pop... any title for that matter... so does that count?)
(edit- Damn, late for the other one.... so this is two posts late... am I going to hell for this?)
Schoenauer
07-02-2005, 01:18 PM
*Hardcore Holly wins the title*
Holly: Yeah! I beat Batista, I am Hardcore!! How do you like me now?!
*the crowd walks out of the stadium*
Holly: Well you must like me so much that you don't want to be near me!
*Teddy comes out*
Teddy: Hold on playa! I have good news and bad news for you. The bad news is you won't be given this championship because you won't be able to draw an audience. But the good news is I'm going to hand it to somebody who deserves it. And that man is Christian!
Holly: No!!! Don't give HIM the title!
*Christian comes out, takes the title and celebrates*
Teddy: And I forgot Holly, Vince is releasing you.
Vince: Hey Bob! You want to be in the SmackDown! main event tonight?
Holly: SURE! I'll face anyone!
Vince: Anyone?
Holly: Don't worry, I can do it! Bring it on!
Vince: You'll be facing Carlito, Rene Dupree, Matt Cappotelli, and Daniel Puder in a 4 on one handicap match!
Holly: Great!
Vince: Great! I'm sure you'll have a great match!
*Vince walks away and Holly's smile turns into a look of terror.*
Holly: Oooooh shit...
Anybody Thrilla
07-02-2005, 02:29 PM
(Edge returns home to Lita)
EDGE: Hey baby! It's great to be back, we can finally spend some time together.
LITA: Ummm....
EDGE: Wait a minute...
(Edge looks to the kitchen counter and sees an empty bottle of Tequila, along with a used condom)
EDGE: You got drunk and fucked somebody, didn't you!
LITA: I'm sorry!
EDGE: Who was it?
GENE SNITSKY'S VOICE FROM INSIDE A CLOSET: It's not my salt!
Cool King
07-02-2005, 06:38 PM
GENE SNITSKY'S VOICE FROM INSIDE A CLOSET: It's not my salt!
Edge: It's not my pepper!
:rofl:
Well I thought it was funny.:|
Champion of Europa
07-02-2005, 07:12 PM
*Bradshaw is leaving the arena after a show, when all of a sudden, Mordecai runs up and starts beating him down*
Mordecai: Wrestling *punch* God? My savior is VERY *kick* angry with you! *knee*
SuperSlim
07-02-2005, 07:20 PM
I liked your other one better. :p
Champion of Europa
07-02-2005, 07:23 PM
I liked your other one better. :p
Fine. I'll post them both. :p
*Undertaker, Sara, and their new child are sitting in the living room*
Undertaker: Sara, look! He's taking his first steps!
Sara: I'm so proud!
Undertaker: What's he doing with those matches?
Sara: Put those down, honey!
*Moments later, the entire room is in flames*
SuperSlim
07-02-2005, 07:55 PM
:lol:
Marcyo
07-02-2005, 10:47 PM
:lol:
Just a suggestion, but how about one on 'JR-isms'?
PorkSoda
07-03-2005, 07:14 PM
Lita: Hi guys.
JR: Hi.
King: Hi.
Vince: Hi.
Stephanie: Hi.
Triple H: WHY IS THERE AN EASTER EGG IN MY GYMBAG?
Lita: I dont know.
Vince: You're fired!
Lita: Me?
Vince: No, me.
Vince leaves.
JR: BAH GAWD! THISDOESNOTREPRESENTKARMA!
Skippord
07-04-2005, 09:10 AM
Raw Diva search in progress
Viscera:Oh Yeah I love me the white meat I've gots to have it
Viscera proceeds to rape all of the contestants causing them to never come back
Anybody Thrilla
07-04-2005, 11:19 AM
Rape = :n:
SuperSlim
07-04-2005, 11:45 AM
Raw Diva search in progress
Viscera:Oh Yeah I love me the white meat I've gots to have it
Viscera proceeds to rape all of the contestants causing them to never come back
awful :n:
Just John
07-04-2005, 11:57 AM
...I dont approve of those sort of sexual topics....
P.S tell your mom I left the money on the T.V
Corkscrewed
07-04-2005, 02:17 PM
1000 pts go to Xero Limit and Anybody Thrilla
10,000 pts go out ot CoE's Taker joke. :rofl:
Jim Ross: Anatomy Teacher
SuperSlim
07-04-2005, 02:25 PM
JR: I tell you what class BAHGAWD!
Class: What?
JR: That stuff flowin through you ain't no BBQ SAUCE.
Class: What?
JR: BAHGAWD I feel like Austin.
Student: What? Who? We just trying to figure out what the hell you talking about.
JR: Oh, well you see I was referring to this liquid substance that flows trhough every inch of your body giving it the oxygen it needs in order for your body to properly function.
Student: Thanks.
JR: BAHGAWD!
JR: NOW CLASS, BAHGAWD THIS IS THE STOMACH! ALL YOUR BASIC FOODS LIKE BAHGAWD PIZZA AND BAHGAWD CHICKEN AND EVEN BAHGAWD CEREAL GOES THROUGH HERE! WHEN IT'S ALL DONE, BAHGAWD THAT AIN'T FUDGE AND LEMONADE COMMIN OUTTA YOU!
(A student runs out of the room vomiting.)
JR: BAHGAWD THAT VOMIT AIN'T MADE OUTTA BAKED BEANS!
Skippord
07-04-2005, 03:33 PM
Raw Diva search in progress
Viscera:Oh Yeah I love me the white meat I've gots to have it
Viscera proceeds to rape all of the contestants causing them to never come back
I would like to apologize for this post that is all
Anybody Thrilla
07-04-2005, 03:46 PM
(Class has wrapped up. While most of the students rush to the door, a particularly attractive female student stays behind and approaches Jim Ross at his desk [where he wears a head set, for some reason])
FEMALE STUDENT: Mr. Ross, I'm having a pretty difficult time with this chapter. Is there any way I could earn some extra credit?
(J.R. slowly starts unzipping his pants.)
J.R. - Well, you little jezebel....have you ever heard of a 'slobberknocker'?
Skippord
07-04-2005, 04:18 PM
JR:class open your books to page 56 Bahgawd stunner on Lou Thez by Kid Kash
Kid:huh???
JR:BahGawd Love my classroom or leave it you no good son of a bitch
Kid :'(
Anybody Thrilla
07-04-2005, 04:34 PM
C'mon man, Rocco Rock is dead. :nono:
Skippord
07-04-2005, 04:42 PM
sorry
Skippord
07-04-2005, 04:43 PM
there fixed
Anybody Thrilla
07-04-2005, 04:50 PM
Haha, I was totally kidding. You can talk about Rocco Rock all you want, buddy.
loopydate
07-04-2005, 04:55 PM
JR: Bah Gawd it's the flagship! Anatomy 101! Alongside this lifesize poster of the female body, I'm "Good Ol' JR" Jim Ross, live from the campus of Oklahoma University! Boomer Sooner!
STUDENT: Man, even Ah ain't that much of a redneck. Come on, sister/girlfriend. Let's go find a empty closet.
[They leave.]
JR: DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU TA HELL! WHY? SON OF A BITCH!
Marcyo
07-04-2005, 05:02 PM
JR: NOW CLASS, BAHGAWD THIS IS THE STOMACH! ALL YOUR BASIC FOODS LIKE BAHGAWD PIZZA AND BAHGAWD CHICKEN AND EVEN BAHGAWD CEREAL GOES THROUGH HERE! WHEN IT'S ALL DONE, BAHGAWD THAT AIN'T FUDGE AND LEMONADE COMMIN OUTTA YOU!
(A student runs out of the room vomiting.)
JR: BAHGAWD THAT VOMIT AIN'T MADE OUTTA BAKED BEANS!
:rofl:
Marcyo
07-04-2005, 05:06 PM
lol, this is from the first page. Scene: THINGS NOT TO TALK ABOUT WHEN MEETING VINCE MCMAHON.
"So I saw these GREAT cruiserweights wrestling the other day, I think they were from ECW or something, and..."
Champion of Europa
07-04-2005, 11:20 PM
J.R.: THESE COLLARBONES AREN'T MADE OF CHOCOLATE, they're made of calcium. BARBQUE SAUCE!...can, in large doses, hurt the lining of the stomach because of the citric acids inside of the solution.
Student: Why did you skip from the collarbones to the stomach lining?
J.R.: STUNNER!
Just John
07-05-2005, 12:48 PM
Kid: Mr. Jim Ross sir.......what happens if I jump on the lung?
J.R: NO, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD KID, DONT DO IT!
(Kid jumps on lung)
J.R: BAHGAWD THAT LUNG DONT HAVE A DAMN CLUE WHERE HE IS!!!1
Skippord
07-05-2005, 12:56 PM
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Lotus
07-05-2005, 08:22 PM
JR: *points to his cheeks, talking to a kindergarten class* These are your cheeks, kids. Unlike the rest of you, I can't move the muscles in my cheeks.
*Silence*
Kid: Uh, no one gives a fuck. But you do look like a douchebag when you talk.
JR: I'd make a mean face at you if I could.
May I make the suggestion that the next scene be "A day at the Bob Holly wrestling school"
JR: Okay class, who can tell me where the BAHGAWD YOU CAN'T SAY THAT WORD ON TV is?
Students: ....
JR: Anyone? Can anyone tell me!? Where is the BAHGAWD YOU CAN'T SAY THAT ON TV!?
Student: What the fuck are you-
JR: BAHGAWD YOU FOUL MOUTH! YOU'RE GONNA GET US THROWN OFF THE AIR! BAHGAWD!
Student: Do you mean penis?
JR: BAHGAWD THAT'S GONNA COST US A PRETTY PENNY FROM THE FCC!
Student: What are you talking about?
JR: CHRISTIAN WITH A ROCK STUNNER! THE ROCK STUNNER! THE ROCK STUNNER! CHRIS STORM! CHRIS STORM! DAMN HIM TO HELL! DAMN VINCE HEYMAN TO HELL!
(Someone walks into the classroom.)
Guy: Sorry kids, JR forgot to take his medication today, so he thinks he's commentating RAW. We'll have this fixed in a jiffy...
(Ten minutes later, he brings JR back.)
JR: Okay class, now who can tell me where the penis is?
PorkSoda
07-08-2005, 02:50 PM
JR: Okay ladies and gentlemen, this is called a leg. *Points to his leg* Can anyone tell me what this is? *Points to his arm*
Kid: A head?
JR: NO! BAHGAWD YOUR WRONG! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL!
Kid: It wasn't MY fault.
Kid2: WHAT?
Kid3: Show me the puppies!
Shannon Moore: Can I go to the bathroom.
JR: No, shut up you dastirdly child!
I just though of a scene... 'If Pro Wrestling was an Olympic sport'...
I don't know, I'm just throwing some ideas around...
Corkscrewed
07-08-2005, 07:05 PM
^ :\ I think we've done that before... either that or it'd just be Greco Roman wrestling. :p
1000 pts to Xero Limit for "baked beans."
What would happen if a recently fired wrestler met one (or more) of the Diva Search contestants on his/her way out...
Shannon Moore: I'll be where you are next year!
SuperSlim
07-08-2005, 07:31 PM
Gayda: So you the ones that they are replacing me with?
Diva: Yeah.
Gayda: If you ever need your bag watched, ask that Orton guy over there.
Diva; Okay.
Gayda: But the trick is, you odn't know his name. No matter what.
*Gayda walks away snickering
SuperSlim
07-08-2005, 07:33 PM
Diva: Hey.
Haas: Ah hell.
*Keeps on walking
Corkscrewed
07-08-2005, 07:33 PM
Gayda: So you the ones that they are replacing me with?
Diva: Yeah.
Gayda: If you ever need your bag watched, ask that Orton guy over there.
Diva; Okay.
Gayda: But the trick is, you odn't know his name. No matter what.
*Gayda walks away snickeringAnd then her top falls off.
Corkscrewed
07-08-2005, 07:34 PM
:shifty:
:lol: @ Slim
*Marty Jannetty is walking past the Divas on his way out.*
Jannetty (to himself): Think unsexy thoughts think unsexy thoughts think unsexy thoughts think unsexy thoughts think...
Cameron: Hey big boy!
Jannetty: Hey bab- OH NO! SHAWN IS GOING TO KILL ME! AAAAHHHHH!
*Jannetty runs out of the arena crying.*
Skippord
07-09-2005, 12:39 AM
Gangrel:Hey baby you ever had your blood drank by a vampire :naughty:
Diva:no but I would like to
Mordecai:SINNER *chases Gangrel away*
Mordecai:so do you want to do it
Diva:no you talentless fuck
Mordecai :foc:
that sucked :|
Lotus
07-09-2005, 01:15 AM
Gangrel: Hey
Diva: Who the fuck are you?
FourFifty
07-09-2005, 02:40 AM
<I>*In Vince’s office, we see Vince behind his desk talking to Spike Dudley, with the door wide open*</I>
<b>Vince:</b> And that’s why I have <I>*fap fap fap*</I> to let go of you. <I>*fap fap fap*</I> You see Shannon <I>*fap fap fap*</I>, you need to… uhhh… Good luuuuuck <I>*fap fap fap*</I>
<b>Spike Dudley:</b> Are you okay <I>*fap fap fap*</I>Vince? You seem a little <I>*fap fap fap*</I> preoccupied.
<b>Vince:</b> <I>*fap fap fap*</I> I’m fine, just get the hell outta my office! <I>*fap fap fap*</I> Now!
<I>*Spike Dudley turns around and sees the 2005 Raw Diva Search contestants*</I>
<b>Spike:</b> Oh, Hi there. <I>*fap fap pfffft spalt*</I> What the hell?
<b>Random Diva:</b> Hey, is that hair gel?
Spike: Hey girls, do you ever go on the internet?
Diva 1: YEAH! ALL THE TI-
(Out of nowhere, Brock comes up and mauls her to an inch of her life.)
Diva 2: I do to-
(Brock mauls her.)
Diva 3: I don't even have a compooter.
Brock: I like you, wanna date?
Cool King
07-09-2005, 06:11 PM
Jim Cornette is walking out of the WWE Headquarters.
Diva: Hi! I'm taking part in the Diva search Compo....
*SLAP*
Joey Slugs
07-09-2005, 07:45 PM
*Matt Morgan leaves Vince's office and runs into the Divas outside*
Diva: Hi Matt, sorry to hear about your release *snicker*
Matt: An-An-An-Anyone of y-y-y-y-you need a-a-a-a-a-a per-per-per-per-personal bodygu-gu-gu-gu-guard?
Diva: *stunned silence, walks away*
Matt: G-g-g-g-g-god damnit.
(so, so lame)
FourFifty
07-11-2005, 12:25 AM
<b>Diva 1:</b> Awww, I'm so sorry you lost the diva search, but look at the first one, and see how meny people still got hired afterwards.
<b>Shannon Moore:</b> Fuck you!
FourFifty
07-11-2005, 12:28 AM
<b>Random Diva:</b> Hey, who are you?
<b>Marty Jannetty:</b> I'm Marty Jannetty, I was HBK's parter.
<b>Random Diva:</b> Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. You know, I have a brother...
Corkscrewed
07-11-2005, 03:18 PM
'k... 1000 pts to Ck and Always. And to Xero Limit with his Lesnar gag. Spreading rep to CK and Always actually got me spread out enough to rep you again. :lol:
Finding a wrestling genie...
Champion of Europa
07-11-2005, 03:29 PM
*puff of smoke*
Muhammad Hassan: Just because I am Arab American does NOT mean I am a genie. Just because I choose to sleep in a lamp does not leave me ripe for stereotyping! I demand RESPECT!
Corkscrewed
07-11-2005, 03:33 PM
:rofl:
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Anybody Thrilla
07-11-2005, 03:48 PM
May as well change the topic now. That was probably the most juice you're gonna squeeze out of this lemon.
SuperSlim
07-11-2005, 03:56 PM
yeah that's the one
SuperSlim
07-11-2005, 03:58 PM
*puff of smoke*
*nothing happens.
person: damn it I thought this was a genie lamp.
*rubs it again and another puff of smoke*
Lita: Sorry I couldn't find the opening.
Person: :roll: *thinks to self* why her?
*that's the best I got :$
Anybody Thrilla
07-11-2005, 04:12 PM
(Jerry Lawler, hungry and dehyrdated, crawls through a dessert on his hands and knees, struggling to survive. He comes across a brass handle sticking out of the sand. Using his last bit of strength, Lawler digs around it until he reveals a magic lamp.)
LAWLER: Amazing! There's probably a genie in here! I can wish myself back to safety!
(With an eager gleam in his eye, Jerry rubs the lamp, and out floats a gorgeous, buxom female genie. Lawler's eyes get big)
GENIE: I can grant you ONE wish!
LAWLER: PUPPIES!
(Twenty minutes later, Jerry Lawler dies of dehydration, but at least he is surrounded by an adorable litter of Scottish terriers)
Corkscrewed
07-11-2005, 06:21 PM
Yeah... 10,000 pts to CoE.
Hardcore Holly's Wrestling School of Hard Knocks
SuperSlim
07-11-2005, 06:25 PM
Holly: Let me show all you little ingrates something. First I need a volunteer.
*no one steps up
Holly: You'll do. Now look this is an armbar.
*snap
ahhhhhhhhhh my arm!
Holly: Now that he's on the ground let me show you this leg lock.
*snap
ahhhhhhhhhhhh my leg!
Holly: Now I've taught you all how to deliver the powerbomb and this time I'll be the one to take it.
Some guy steps forward and delivers one.
Holly; Ahhhhhhhhhhhh my neck.
FourFifty
07-11-2005, 06:29 PM
<I>*Lita finds a genie*</I>
<b>Genie:</b> You have awakened the genie of the lamp! You now get three wishes! What shall it be, Master?
<b>Lita:</b> I want a hamburger! <I>*poof! A hamburger appears!*</I>
<b>Genie:</b> And for your second wish?
<b>Lita:</b> Ohhhh! Fries! I need fries! <I>*poof! A plate of fries appears*</I>
<b>Genie:</b> Let me guess, for your third wish, a coke?
<b>Lita:</b> WHAT! How dare you! What do you take me for, an idiot?
<b>Genie:</b> Yes, actually.
<b>Lita:</b> I want a pepsi! <I>*poof! A pepsi appears*</I>
<b>Genie:</b> :roll: This has been a boring day….
FourFifty
07-11-2005, 06:30 PM
Damn it! Late! Well you know what, fuck you, I'm posting my 2nd one also, because I can! That's how I roll!
<I>*Shannon Moore finds a genie*</I>
<b>Shannon:</b> Wow! A Genie! This means I get three wishes, right?
<b>Genie:</b> Well, no, I’m a slightly used genie. I only have one wish left in me. So, what’ll it be?
<b>Shannon:</b> I want a bridge from Santa Monica, CA, to the main island of Hawaii!
<b>Genie:</b> Hold on a second there, think this through. Do you have any idea what sort of atrocity that would be? I would need to use up a good portion of the Earth’s supplies, and there would be a lot of sea life dead. In addition to that there wouldn’t be any gas stations, hotels, or anything that make road trips fun on your bridge because of where it is. And after I make it, who would maintain it? With that location and that size it would crumble under it’s own weakness in less than 3 years. Are you sure you want me to do that?
<b>Shannon:</b> Gee, well, since you put it like that, my wish is to make people think I’m guy, not a girl.
<b>Genie:</b> …
<b>Shannon:</b> …
<b>Genie:</b> …
<b>Shannon:</b> …Well?
<b>Genie:</b> On second thought, two or four lanes?
Corkscrewed
07-11-2005, 06:32 PM
-5,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
pts to Always450 for deliberately breaking the rules.
Corkscrewed
07-11-2005, 06:34 PM
but lmao at the shannon moore joke. need to spread more rep.
Champion of Europa
07-11-2005, 06:42 PM
Hardcore Holly Wrestling School: Day 2
Kid: Mr. Holly! I have great news for you!
Holly: What?
Kid: Mr. McMahon saw my one day of training and thought I had potential. I'm getting an IC title run!
Holly: ...What?
Kid: I'm getting an IC title run after one day in the business!
Holly: Come to the ring with me. Let's do some working out.
Kid: By the way, tell your wife thanks for letting me borrow your other car.
Holly: What?
Kid: Yeah, I needed a ride home last night, and your wife let me use your other car. I accidentally parked it overnight in a no-parking zone, though. So, there are some fines. So, are we going to learn anything new in the ring today?
Holly: ..Yes. You're going to learn a lot.
*3 minutes later*
EMT: I don't know what happened to the kid. He looks like a he was ran through a wood chipper.
PorkSoda
07-11-2005, 07:19 PM
Hardcore Holly is in the ring, talking to his students, camera focused on Holly.
Hardcore Holly: Welcome to my school! Now all of you know why you are here, right? You are here to be a wrestler. You are here to learn about the buisness, right? Well, all of you must know, to be a wrestler, it takes pride, and to get pride, you must have FREEDOM!!!!!!!! Are you all with me?
Camera cuts to the audience, which noone is there except for Kevin Dunn, the production guy.
Kevin Dunn: Gibson's got nothing on you.
Corkscrewed
07-11-2005, 10:11 PM
Actually, this topic prolly will yield the same response repeatedly... so how about
Brock Lesnar: Smark Hunter
The Highlander
07-13-2005, 01:11 AM
Matt Hardy: 1974-2005
Skippord
07-13-2005, 03:35 AM
Internet guy for WWE.com: So we have and interview with the diva contestants AHHHHHHHHHHHHhhh *F5 through computer*
Corkscrewed
07-13-2005, 02:48 PM
The Greatest Wrestling Debut Ever
And don't say Shockmaster. :p
*A jobber comes out ready to be fed to Triple H. Triple H gets on the mic.*
Triple H: I'm going to prove once and for all that I can beat ANYONE, and OR-
*The jobber yanks the mic from Triple H's hand.*
Jobber: SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP! NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOU ANYMORE! YOU'RE PAST YOUR PRIME AND YOU NEED TO RETIRE! GET THE HELL OFF OF MY TV EVERY DAMN MONDAY AND FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO DO! AND FOR GOD'S SAKE, GET YOUR *BEEEP* OUT OF VINCE'S ASS!
*The entire crowd and Triple H is speechless.*
Jobber: TAKE THIS BITCH!
*The jobber gives Triple H a modified Styles Clash and pins him for the 3.*
Jobber: MY NAME IS SMARKIE SMARK AND I'M HERE TO REPRESENT ALL OF MY SMARK BROTHERS AND SISTERS!
Champion of Europa
07-13-2005, 04:36 PM
*A generic rock theme hits on the P/A system as the latest OVW guy walks down the ramp. Suddenly, spontaneous human combustion!*
OVW Guy: AKLFJEWKQQEKYUDFKJEWCMKEDOWIEWMCIOW! AHHHHHHHHHHH!
Hassan: You're doing it wrong.
loopydate
07-13-2005, 05:11 PM
COACH: Okay, for tonight's Diva Search competition, we're going to have the girls dance around in very little clothing for no apparent reason. First up, Simona!
[Sexy music hits, then all of a sudden the ring blows up.]
CROWD: [Marks the living fuck out]
VINCE: Wait, whose debut was that?
ME: Uh...debut? [Hides dynamite plunger]
Corkscrewed
07-14-2005, 03:02 PM
:lol:
1000 pts to loopydate
What the "paparazzi" who photograph MNM as they come down the rampa nd get into the ring are thinking.
Or, you can take this to mean what that guy who photographs Melina's entrance from behind is thinking.
Disturbed316
07-14-2005, 03:09 PM
"I'm not gay, but if Nitro's ass is as sweet as Melina's, then get me some lube and a blow up sheep! phew wheee!"
"Hmmm... That Melina guy has one hell of a package... Wait, isn't 'he' supposed to be a..."
(Out loud.)
Photographer: OH MY GOD, MELINA IS A GUY!
Corkscrewed
07-14-2005, 03:48 PM
PHOTOGRAPHER: "Sweet Allah look at that fine ass!!!"
CAMERAMAN: "Gosh I hope Fred's not checking out my butt again."
SuperSlim
07-14-2005, 04:05 PM
Photographer: I don't know why I signed up to do this job anyway.
*Melina does her splits on the ring apron.
Photographer: ahhhhhhh that's why. Time to get these developed and see if I can see anything this time.
Champion of Europa
07-14-2005, 05:55 PM
Photographer: Tom Cruise eating Chinese food with Katie Holmes just doesn't bring home the cash anymore.
PorkSoda
07-14-2005, 08:36 PM
Photographer: Man, Melina looks hot.
Photographer2: Melina is damn fine lookin!
Shannon Moore: Heh heh. Vince thought he could get rid of me? I sure fooled him.
Skippord
07-14-2005, 11:48 PM
Photographer:SNAUSEGES
loopydate
07-15-2005, 12:19 AM
"Stupid Enquirer. You take one picture of the editor-in-chief doing coke off a hooker's chest and next thing you know..."
Skippord
07-15-2005, 02:31 AM
Photo guy:Jesus christ my life sucks
"Meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow."
Vastardikai
07-15-2005, 11:34 AM
"Now, to send this photographic evidence to PETA..."
Corkscrewed
07-15-2005, 01:10 PM
:rofl: 1000 pts to Vastardikai.
Inside the mind of a Diva
Corkscrewed
07-15-2005, 01:11 PM
.
(Just to get the obvious one out of the way.)
Vastardikai
07-15-2005, 01:31 PM
Maria: (thinking to herself) You know, the best way to solve the war on Terrorism is to leave the Middle East alone. Perhaps our predisposition towards convenience has made our children obese and lethargic. And the secret to Quantum Physics is...
Cameraman: You're on in 15 seconds...
Maria: Thank you very much, Camera. How did you learn to talk, anyway...
PorkSoda
07-15-2005, 01:32 PM
Christy: ..............................
Candice: ......................
Lita: .......................
Torrie Wilson: ...............
(A few months ago.)
Lita (Thinking, looking at a picture of Edge): This is a great new picture of Matt! I love it!
(Edge walks in.)
Lita: MATT!
Edge: Uhhh... Hey Amy!
(Back in North Carolina.)
Matt: Where the hell did that picture of Adam go?
Corkscrewed
07-15-2005, 02:18 PM
Christy: ..............................
Candice: ......................
Lita: .......................
Torrie Wilson: ...............
Way to steal what I did basically. :p
Skippord
07-15-2005, 02:23 PM
Maria:drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr r Pie
SuperSlim
07-15-2005, 03:01 PM
*inside Torrie's mind
Breathe, breathe, move left foot, breathe, move right foot, breathe, move left foot, breathe, move right foot.
SuperSlim
07-15-2005, 03:16 PM
*Jackie's infamous night running in her head
Why are all the fans cheering? I thinkt hey really like this part. Okay gotta stand up real real slow then turn around and act surprised.
*She turns around and acts surprised.
*Back in her head
Sure does feel a little nipply all of a sudden. Why are all these cameras flashing my chest?
The Highlander
07-18-2005, 10:32 PM
Alright, remember. Hiptoss, monkey flip, enziguri. Hiptoss, Monkey Flip, enziguri. Hip....ooh, the post is shiny...*botch*
El Santo
07-19-2005, 08:03 PM
Melina: [thinking] I don't care what anyone says. That John Heidenreich is one hot piece of ass. That's right. Shake that thing, honey. Mmmm mmm mmmmmm. I think Little Johnny wants some MNM. Yeah, I know you're reading my thoughts. I think things that no one would ever say out loud.
Michelle McCool: [thinking] I know you can read my thoughts, too. [singing] Meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow...
Savio
07-22-2005, 02:30 AM
16 points to pork soda for stealing Corkies idea.
How the WWE would write Harry Potter.
Savio
07-22-2005, 02:41 AM
Voldermort is down on his knees after a gruesome battle with harry potter
Harry: Voldermort! Your reign of terror has been going on for too long. Avaka-
Sweet Chin music!
JR: Bah gawd HBK just Sweet chin musiced Harry Potter! Not this way! Not this way!
Shawn Michaels: "Nobody steals the spotlight from HBK!"
HBK Raises Voldermorts Hand.
Harry: Hagrid... He killed...
Hagrid: KILLED!?
Harry: Dumbledore. Gene killed... Dumbledore.
Gene Snitsky (Far away, echoing): IT WASN'T MY FAULT!
PorkSoda
07-22-2005, 10:21 AM
Lita: Would you like some green eggs and ham? Sam I am would like some ham. I will eat them with a boat.
Vince: Lita, that's Green Eggs and Ham.
Lita: Oh. The first little piggy, he was kinda slick he spent most of his days....
Vince: That's the Three Little Pigs.
Lita: And the little engine said, I think I can, I think I can....
Vince: THAT'S THE LITTLE ENGINE THAT COULD! DAMNIT, CAN WE GET A NEW WRITER HERE?
Vastardikai
07-22-2005, 10:26 AM
RVD: Where's Harry Pothead, I want to smoke out with him!
Carlito: That's Harry Potter. Pot-TER.
RVD: Potter? Oh, does he smoke?
Carlito: That's not cool...
*Carlito Smacks RVD in the head. He then kicks him in the stomach and nails a DDT. Voldemort walks by, handing him an apple. Carlito takes a bite out of it and spits it out all over RVD.*
The Fugitive
07-22-2005, 12:56 PM
'Severus...' The sound frightened Harry beyond anything he had experienced all evening. For the first time, Tripledore was pleading. Snape said nothing, but walked forwards and pushed Malfoy roughly out of the way. The three Death Eaters fell back without a word. Even the werewolf seemed to cowed.
Snape gazed for a moment at Tripledore, and there was revulsion and hatred etched in the harsh lines of his face. 'Severus... please...' Snape pointed his wand directly at Tripledore. 'AVADA KEDAVRA!' A jet of green light shot from the end of Snape's word and hit Tripledore squarely in the chest. Harry watched Tripledore fall slowly backwards, like a giant rag doll. A mysterious voice boomed from nowhere: 'BAHGAWD! Snape hit the Avada Kedavra! As God as my witness, he's been broken in half!'
Suddenly, Tripledore rose up. 'BAWGAWD! Tripledore got up back! In over 25 years in this business, I've never seen anything like it!' Tripledore then booted Snape in the stomach and hit the Pedigree on him. 'BAWGAWD! I DON'T BELIEVE IT! I DON'T BELIEVE IT! TRIPLEDORE GOT THE PEDIGREE! MY GOD, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?'
SuperSlim
07-22-2005, 12:59 PM
Writer: So we have Potter go out there and he talks about how he is all good and stuff right. Then Triple H comes out and talks for about 20 minutes talking about how great and how awesome of a champion he was. Then he spends another 20 minutes talking about his future title shot. Then he pedigrees Potter and poses for 20 more minutes.
Vince: Brilliant.
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